like when i was eight

One of the effects of my particular type of autism is a sort of… emotional suppression. Either I don’t feel as much emotion, or I don’t feel them as strongly, or I just don’t show it as much. It’s hard to tell which, but in any case, something is definitely up.

The muscles in my face don’t move as much. It takes a little more to make me visually react. I just don’t emote as quickly as other people do. Emoting is a skill I had to learn, like, to do manually, and it’s still not second nature. It makes it hard for other people to read me, and it even comes across as off-putting to some people, it weirds them out.

I remember one time, when I was like eight, this was elementary school, we were playing outside, soccer or some shit. And I scored a point. And a dude was staring at me. I still remember his words. “Do you even have any emotion at all?” (I’m translating from Dutch, obviously.) Apparently my face hadn’t reacted at all when I scored that point. I felt pride inside, but it just didn’t go to my face. It was one of the first times I really felt isolated from… normal people.

Alright, that got sad. End of post.

I kiss the pretty boy in black semi-sheer thigh highs, plant my hands on his hips, pull teasingly at his garter belt and I can hear my mother shaking her head across town. I can’t tell if she is disappointed or confused.

I lie awake next to the girl who smells like sweat and lemonade. I think about shoving my face into her hair but she falls asleep talking about her boyfriend. On the day my mother corners me in the kitchen to ask if I’m a “fucking lesbian,” I say no. I wonder if it counts as a lie when I still don’t have a word for all the different kinds of porn I like to watch.

When I come out, I am eight thousand miles away from home. I am sharing the bed of a substitute teacher. He likes to tie me up at night and kiss me in the morning. When I use the B word, my mother says she’s not surprised but she doesn’t understand. All I can think about is the first time bisexuality came up with her in conversation and she laughed.


My grandmother asks where they went wrong, if it’s because my father left and “you know, the other stuff.” She says, LOOK: IF YOU FALL IN LOVE, I’LL BE HAPPY FOR YOU BUT YOU CAN’T MARRY A WOMAN BECAUSE IT PERSONALLY OFFENDS ME. She calls me a dyke and says it’s a joke. She never asks me again if I’m seeing anybody.

I have a crush on a girl who makes her living writing good lines. I swoon every time she calls me baby, but I tell her I don’t know if I want to get into things. I second guess myself into a corner. What if it is just a phase? What if I change my mind? What if my mother’s right? Do I really need to put my family through that kind of thing?

I make arrangements to meet up with a man I’ve been in love with for the last few years, but I don’t tell anyone in my family because I don’t feel like explaining that it doesn’t mean I am straight.

My coworker says to me “why do lesbians use dildos? why don’t they just fuck men?” And I want to say “have you ever met a man??” but I feel like the joke is too gay and I am always trying to convince everyone I know that my sexuality is a revolving door that never stops spinning long enough to check IDs.

Yet somehow, I am always getting carded.


When the supreme court ruling comes through, I cry; but I don’t know if I can really celebrate the way that I want to because I don’t feel gay enough to talk about the struggle, but I’m not straight. My mother finds me in the morning to ask if I’ve heard the news.


I say, “then you don’t really support me,”

and she doesn’t say anything.
—  “The B Word” Trista Mateer

The Artemis Fowl books advocate for the environment, deal with misogyny in the workplace and the need for feminism, and has some of the best character development arcs like ever over the span of eight books. Also, there’s magic and fairies with guns and time travel and a whole lot of sarcasm and really no downside to reading them

when i was like eight i had this vague notion that small handwriting was a signifier of mature and intelligent adulthood, which wasn’t wrong exactly because yeah little kids tend to write their letters real big, this is not news. the problem was that it became my goal to write as small as possible, constantly, like if i had a line height of about a millimeter i considered that shit ideal. and on the one hand my teacher finally had to ask me to write bigger because she couldn’t grade my spelling tests because she couldn’t read what the fuck i was writing, but on the other hand she did let me rewrite my vocab words and took my word for it that i had also spelled them correctly the first time. was this because my tiny handwriting made me look more trustworthy, mature, and intelligent? no. it was because i was an obnoxious know-it-all and i always had the maximum allowed number of books checked out of the school library. that was twenty years ago and now i import my mechanical pencils because i refuse to use lead bigger than 0.3mm so she probably should have clarified that at the time.

I’ve been feeling guilty and hesitant to write about Kara’s experience and perspective as part of Alex’s coming out story because I don’t want to take away from Alex. Her character, her bravery and pain and every aspect of what we watched her go through, are all hers and should be celebrated and focused on and not overshadowed. But, my wife just reminded me of something, a major part of my own coming out story that I somehow forgot about in all of this.

I came out to myself and realized I was gay after my mom came out to me.

I started realizing I liked girls when I was very young, maybe as early as seven or eight years old. When I was thirteen and started watching Star Trek: Voyager, falling head over heels for Seven of Nine, it became undeniable, but I told no one. Then, my mom, who had divorced my dad, started dating a woman. She hid it from me until finally I asked her about it and she told me. I had no language for being gay because I went to Catholic school and was pretty sheltered, so all I could say was “Mom…are you like Rosie O'Donnell?” Because that was the only lesbian I knew. And my mom said yes. And I said “Well…I think I’m a little like Rosie O'Donnell too.” Or something to that effect. There was much more to the conversation, but that was the crux of it. I came out as bi first, and then later as a lesbian, and now more as queer. But my mother and her coming out gave me the space and the language to finally admit it about myself. That doesn’t take away from her story at all. It links us, and I am very, very lucky and it’s a rare experience and we still have our differences. It’s not all perfect, but it did make things much easier for me growing up and coming out, again and again, to more and more people, after that.

And so, I think that for those of us who read Kara as bi or queer or however we see her, telling her part of this story is valid and necessary. Writing her possibly coming out to herself as Alex comes out to her, or thinking about Cat, or whoever you ship her with, is fine and valid. I say this because I myself need to hear it. None of us should feel guilty about it. I relate to Alex in all of this in so many ways, but I also still relate to Kara, and Cat, and Maggie, and telling all of their parts in this is important. Fandom is healing for so many of us, as is writing fanfiction, as is reading other people’s work. I’m so thankful to have this space and all of you to share this with, and I hope that we will continue to make this Supergirl community vibrant and safe and as overflowing with diversity of experiences and expressions as it can possibly be.

The first time time I stayed awake for four days, I went home and fell asleep for 24 hours.

I had a basement apartment and a clock that didn’t specify am or pm, so whenever I pulled a multi-day all-nighter I never knew what day of the week it was when I woke up. It was equally likely that I had slept for eight or twenty hours.

Tomione Meme | Eight Fanfic’s you’d love to read [3/8] | An Elemental Magic AU

In a world where magic is split into four elemental sources, people trust in their magical school institutions to teach children which elemental runs in their veins. Sometimes you’re an earth mage who can cast minor fire spells to heat an oven, sometimes you’re a water-mage with the ability to cast a little wind - but usually your DNA won’t accept more than one element in your magical helix. While junior students get taught in all of the elements until they reach 16 years, the ceremony for senior students of Hogwarts provides the need to put the so-called guidance hat on their top. People say the hat lives and it will run with force through your system and magic channel to choose the suitable element for your future and classify you in one of the four senior houses: Gryffindor the Fire-house, Ravenclaw the Water-house, Hufflepuff the Wind-house and Slytherin the Earth-house. Once Hermione Granger reaches her 16 years, an incident occurs during her ceremony which leaves her unconscious and with several serious head injuries in the medical wing of Hogwarts. When she wakes up, she accidentally overhears a conversation between headmaster Dumbledore and several dark persons, who talk about her as an abomination, a so-called element-waver. She heard about the term before, people who are able to control all four elements in a perfect balance - dark mages. Once she realises, that they want to lock her up to run experiments on her, she does the only right thing that comes to her mind: she flees.

Wrenched from everything she knows, she remembers fearful whispers and tales, a name spoken with respect and terror at once; Lord Voldemort, an element-waver like her who vanished years ago after his power nearly destroyed half of magic Britain. With the magical SWAT team on her tracks and an untamed power she can’t control, Hermione will have to confront the darkest mage of the new age - if he’s still alive.

shit my boyfriend says - sentence starters

❝  do you get the pun? do you get it?  ❞

❝  i’m tired and sore and just ugh.  ❞

❝  cuddling is the best activity.  ❞

❝  i really hope it didn’t make you jealous.  ❞

❝  i’m gonna fucking eat my own arms i’m so excited.  ❞

❝  it would be incredible.  ❞

❝  i would do terrible things on photoshop. memes… glorious memes.  ❞

❝  gay guys say damn skippy.  ❞

❝  for once i feel nice about myself.  ❞

❝  you know when i was like eight i went through this phase where i actually thought i was a vampire.   ❞

❝  end me.  ❞

❝  damn the things i do for friends.  ❞

❝  ugh i actually have to put sheets on my bed.  ❞

❝  i love running from the cops.  ❞

❝  yes unfortunately i’m serious.  ❞

❝  i love you a lot.  ❞

❝  stab me in the eye with a fork.  ❞

❝  i’m a brat you’re an asshole and we go perfectly together somehow.  ❞

❝  i don’t know how i didn’t smell the crazy.  ❞

❝  do you ever regret letting people into your life?  ❞

❝  end my sorry ass.  ❞

❝  i’d fuck the clock.  ❞

❝  i smell the gay from here.  ❞

I decided to give a re-read to the court/banquets scenes to solve some doubts and I totally forgot how hilarious is Jon being Bitter McBitterness over a 8 years old fancing Robb

Okay so I’m in the middle of my second true pacifist run in Undertale (trying to get everything I missed the first time) and I finished up the date with Alphys and headed on over to start the True Lab segment

And on a whim, I decided to check out the trash can by her computer, and

WOAH WOAH WOAH WAIT WHAT?? Why the heck haven’t I heard about this little detail before?! WHO WROTE THIS AND WHEN??

Not really related: wandered upstairs and discovered where Mettaton is inbetween his boss battle and the final one:

I could see Sirius and Remus adopting a baby and Sirius is about to leave to go somewhere while Remus is at work and he’d be out the door and be like

“Hmm, something’s missing.”

He looks around and shrugs and continues walking to the store and then it hits him when he’s like halfway there


And he runs back and Remus got off early and he’s just sort of sitting on the couch waiting for him like

“You forgot our eight month old baby at home alone and now I’m going to hit you.”

And Sirius didn’t get a single kiss for a week.