One of the effects of my particular type of autism is a sort of… emotional suppression. Either I don’t feel as much emotion, or I don’t feel them as strongly, or I just don’t show it as much. It’s hard to tell which, but in any case, something is definitely up.
The muscles in my face don’t move as much. It takes a little more to make me visually react. I just don’t emote as quickly as other people do. Emoting is a skill I had to learn, like, to do manually, and it’s still not second nature. It makes it hard for other people to read me, and it even comes across as off-putting to some people, it weirds them out.
I remember one time, when I was like eight, this was elementary school, we were playing outside, soccer or some shit. And I scored a point. And a dude was staring at me. I still remember his words. “Do you even have any emotion at all?” (I’m translating from Dutch, obviously.) Apparently my face hadn’t reacted at all when I scored that point. I felt pride inside, but it just didn’t go to my face. It was one of the first times I really felt isolated from… normal people.
Alright, that got sad. End of post.