like u do not understand how my i love this cat

i dont understand why such small things can fill me with such existential anxiety and dread.. im 200 pages into pet sematary and i feel just like louis 5 year old daughter ellie just realizing death is a very real thing… the way she threw the fit about how her cat COULD die even tho he was fine….. like that is me every god damn day!!! why do i gotta be consistently haunted by the idea that everything could come crashing down at any moment… why cant i just be like bitch i know!! get on with it!! why can’t i read a dated horror fiction novel about fucking zombie cats without being conviced everyone i love is gonna die!!! like im not 5 im 17!!! ive seen a dead person with my own two eyes in real life and it wasnt even at a funeral (it was the aftermath of a car accident) , my dog has died, ive hit frogs with my car and cried my ass off after it, i hear of people dying every day why cant i accept it why