The relationship between Clarke and Lexa was such a slow burn, Lexa had so much respect, admiration and love for Clarke. Lexa was a well written three-dimensional character in a position of power, and a lesbian, unheard of.
For the first time in my life I was excited about a canon lesbian ship, I allowed myself to hope and believe in equal representation.
I now feel foolish that I was excited, that I allowed myself to be excited for episode 3x07.
I replayed the kiss scene and the love scene several times because I was so happy, I was on an emotional high. The whole first half of season 3 had been leading to this moment. The acting, especially by Alycia Debnam Carey was impeccable & raw with emotion. It is one of the best, if not the best lesbian kiss scenes I have ever seen.
Lexa’s death occurring immediately after Clexa consummated their love feels intentionally gut wrenching, it feels like it was purposefully meant to cause trauma & pain. It sends a message that our love is unnatural and that there are violent consequences for our misconduct.
I feel violated, betrayed.
When Lexa was shot I felt actual physical pain in my chest. It was triggering, I am struggling.
When I was 17 my girlfriend died in a car accident, I grieved for a long time, it was years before I was able to function again, I am not the same person I was before, it changed me.
I am fortunate to live in Canada and yet still I am afraid, I am afraid to be myself.
I am afraid for my future I am afraid I might get attacked or even killed for something as small as walking down the street holding my wife’s hand, or of being passed over for a job because of my sexual orientation.
The entrenched culture of fear and the longing for lesbian representation, good representation in the media is not something you can understand if you are heterosexual. We look to the media for validation & acceptance, but instead we are repeatedly told that we do not deserve happiness.
Our love is portrayed as doomed and tragic.
Lexa gave me hope and she was so violently taken away, I’m not okay.