like taking it offensively

shipwreckedcomedy: Writing session for a very real project that isn’t at all fake.

After much photo editing and squinting I was able to make out almost all of it:

POE PARTY SEASON 2
Story ideas

- Kill HG Wells for good
- Instead of murders… (I have no idea what the rest says but I’m pretty sure it says back massages??)
- They are just a theater group getting really into character
- Joe the director murders everyone off screen
- CGI mustache
- REVEAL: Hemingway is Poe’s father
- Eddie is Hemingway’s father
- BUT
- Poe is Eddie’s father
- WHAT?
- You heard me!
- Kevin Spacey IS Keyser Soze
- Rachel got off the plane!!
- It was New York all along
- Rosebud is the… (again, no idea what that last word was)

What I Don’t Like About the Signs

*note: please do not take offense to this. I already posted a what I love about the signs and someone requested a post like this. These are based on my own personal experiences, so don’t take it too personally.

ARIES: can be huge dicks, prone to leading me, an especially sensitive sagittarius, on for months. Also please stop being ashamed about your emotions sometimes?? i will literally never make fun of you for that

TAURUS: so fricking stubborn sometimes I know what I am talking about sometimes please listen to me

GEMINI: quit talking shit yo I like you a lot and i didn’t even do anything

CANCER: likes to play the victim and act like they have never done anything wrong and everyone else feeds into it what the hECK

LEO: u get mad like really fast sometimes and I didn’t mean to do whatever I did so please stop yelling at me

VIRGO: really insensitive regarding other peoples’ feelings sometimes 

LIBRA: so extra. extra to a fault.

SCORPIO: plz let me breathe for a second 

SAGITTARIUS: okay but have you ever considered shutting up

CAPRICORN: wants me to take initiative but i need a break from taking initiative once in a while also stop telling me to clean my room (mom)

AQUARIUS: please stop acting like you hate me I need you to be open with me because emotional communication is important

PISCES: I’m there for you all the time but you’re only there for me like once a year so

WHAT ALL ASTRO BLOGS NEED TO HEAR

After being in the astro community for quite a while now, I’ve noticed a number of different ways that people make mistakes and assumptions. I’m very passionate about the way that astrology is received by the world, and I want it to be a practice that is RESPECTED and possibly even accepted by everyone (eventually). Here are some ways that astro blogs tend to invalidate astrology.

*DISCLAIMER* - I am not targeting any specific people. I’m a Virgo moon, and I only want people to become better astrologers and improve the way astrology is used on this website. And I also want everyone to think more before they post! I’m a naturally critical person and want to fix things, but I don’t want anyone to take personal offense to it (my Libra mars wouldn’t like that!). 

- Using sun sign alone. People rely heavily on sun-sign ONLY astrology. Why do people insist on only talking about sun signs? This is just one slice of someone’s personality - there is a whole chart that needs to be looked at, showing that each person has many other qualities other than the ones expressed by their sun. This is not real astrology, and never has been. This is the astrology created by popular media. Most people will not relate to their sun sign in posts anyway unless the post is about their ego, central identity, and general personality. Most astro bloggers make posts that are not about those things, yet they still insist on writing using sun sign instead of another planet that would be much more accurate. Before you write, think about which planet it would REALLY apply to. Please read my post here for a more detailed explanation of this.

- Forgetting your audience. When reading posts, most people ASSUME that the sun sign is the placement the post would apply to. For example, if the post says “Aquarius in love”, 99% of people (especially newcomers to astrology) try to relate it to Aquarius sun - when in fact, this would need to relate to Aquarius venus since venus is the planet of love. Aquarius suns would not have the qualities that this post describes, unless they have an Aquarius venus as well. Even some highly respectable blogs do this - they forget their audience. They don’t realize that most people don’t understand the way the planets work. I see this most often with sun sign posts, but it could also be true for others. Like, there could be a post about the moon signs that really would actually relate more to mercury. The idea is, remember that people don’t know right off the bat which placement the post would apply to. Help them out! Less people will write off your posts as inaccurate if you do this anyway.

- Including the 13th sign Ophiuchus. Just, no. Please don’t. This was a hoax created by NASA to try to prove astrology false. Astrology isn’t based on the constellations anyway, so there is no 13th sign. It’s based on the sections of the sky - they just happen to be named after certain constellations. The signs haven’t shifted. Read my post here about this for more information.

- Generalizing the signs. “Geminis are talkative and full of gossip!!!” “Cancers are soooo emotional and cry all the time!!!” “Leos want to hog the spotlight 24/7!!!!” Honestly, generalizing only leads to people getting upset. Not to mention the fact that it’s completely inaccurate. Most Geminis are not gossipy, most Cancers are not crybabies, and most Leos are not attention hogs. This could even happen with other planet placements (like moon signs or rising signs), I just happen to see it mostly with sun signs. These kind of posts are made by the same people who tend to only write about sun sign away. Read a real description of the sun signs (I recommend cafeastrology.com), or don’t say anything at all. The signs are complex, and can’t be labeled. Also, people don’t realize that all placements and signs can be either introverted or extroverted. They assume that the air/fire signs are extroverted and the earth/water signs are introverted. Sun signs cannot be limited to one personality type - not to mention the fact that the expression of introversion vs. extroversion is actually shown by the rising sign because that is the “shell” that the world sees. See my post here about how the rising signs can be both introverted and extroverted.

- Grouping the signs into categories. I’m sure everyone reading this has seen a post where half of the signs will be in one category and half of the signs will be in another. This isn’t accurate astrology. Signs cannot be grouped or limited - they are unique, and have 12 individual forms of expression. Limiting them to two or three categories makes astrology simple and trite, when in fact it is extremely complex (but fascinating). It’d be one thing if they grouped them by element (earth, air, water, fire), modality (cardinal, mutable, fixed), but most don’t even do that. It’s literally random most of the time. If you’re going to group the signs, at least offer an explanation why you put each sign in each category.

- Dismissing signs or placements as simply compatible or incompatible. Let’s be real here - each sign has the potential to be compatible with ANY sign. Also, compatibility should focus more on moon or venus sign as opposed to sun sign. Sun sign compatibility just determines the kind of general energy that would surround the relationship. Compatibility is complex. Instead of saying whether or not two people are compatible, say WHY. Show, for example, how their moon signs are different elements, how their venus signs are sextile, and how their rising signs are sister signs. Show how one person’s moon sign is the same sign as the other person’s sun sign. Compatibility is really about connections, anyway. Read my post here for more information.

- Basing astrology just on people you know. Not all Scorpios are energetic just because your best friend is. The reality is, your friend is a Sagittarius rising with an Aries mars. This has nothing to do with her being a Scorpio. When you make posts basing the information solely on one or two people you know, this is spreading false information. This could mean that readers would then assume in the future that all Scorpios are energetic just from reading your post. I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people believe everything they read. Especially if they’re beginners to astrology. Please do your best not to influence them to make assumptions.

- Posting without knowledge. You’d be surprised how much this one comes up. If you don’t know a lot about Taurus moons, don’t make a post about them. Simple as that. Play to your strengths to avoid spreading false information. Again, people believe everything they read more often than you think.

- Giving astrology a bad name. Astrology is fun. If you’re reading this, you probably would agree with me. But, there’s a difference between “fun” astrology that is accurate and “fun” astrology that just makes astrology a complete joke. “The signs as types of peanut butter” doesn’t improve people’s knowledge at all. I mean, sure, you could say it’s funny, but it really isn’t. It’s just pointless, and only serves to make readers think that astrology is a joke. Most people who make these don’t consider that people look at them and assume that that’s all astrology is. Every post you make is influencing people’s perception of the subject. Again, at least offer an explanation for WHY an Aries would sleep with five pillows if you’re really going to make a post about the number of pillows the signs sleep with. Chances are, you don’t have one anyway. Sure, you can say all you want that I’m “taking the fun out of it!!!!” or something. But I’m really not. I just want astrology to be perceived as something that really works, not something people make fun of. I’m sick of people laughing at astrology for the wrong reasons - and joke posts are not helping. You can make astrology accurate AND funny. Here’s an example of a post I made about the venus signs that people found amusing, yet also related to at the same time.

Something New | NSFW

Summary: You’ve been putting it off, but you finally asked your boyfriend about something you’ve been wanting to try.

Characters: Reader x Tom Holland

Warnings: NSFW, smut, cursing, light B*SM

Word Count: 1,525

A/N: Read if you’re only 18+. This is my first time, dabbling into this, so take that into consideration. Yeah, the D is censored to keep it out of the tag. How about that LSB though??? Anyways, enjoy. Feedback is always appreciated.


You had been dating your boyfriend, Tom, for about a year now. Everything was great with him. You both had learned to love long distance and he would always come and visit you on his days off, and vice versa. You always looked forward to the days off because that meant lying in bed with him — naked. You just loved feeling vulnerable with him and cuddling, but on other days, you guys wouldn’t stop. It was heaven for you, but you wanted to try something different the next time you saw him — that was this weekend. Tom would be coming home after a long press tour for his new movie and would have two weeks off in London. You were going to bring it up to him and hope it wouldn’t scare him away.

You heard a knock on your door and you opened it to a messy, curly hair, tired, brown eyed boy with bags on his back and feet. You smiled and kissed him softly, and helped him with his things into your apartment. You didn’t speak to him. You knew he was exhausted. After he put everything down, he approached you and just hugged you. This was typical and you both would just hold each other in embrace for a while.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Can we please have the Obitos from all your different stories meeting? It would be soooo much fun.

Oh god. I was not prepared for this level of crack. 

So! Obito = crimanals ‘verse!Obito, Angry = reverse!Obito, Vagabond = Stormborn!Obito, Long-Hair = Stepping Stones!Obito, and Green Thumb = soulmate HashiObi drabble!Obito, bc why not. 


“What the actual fuck.”

“Language,” Kakashi says mildly, but he’s half a step behind and practically breathing down Obito’s neck, one hand on his Glock and both eyes narrowed.

“Fuck you,” Obito retorts. “We just got sucked into some kind of alternate fucking dimension, okay, I am fuckin entitled to whatever goddamn cursing I want. Now I’m late for meeting Rin at the FBI, and I don’t think she’s going to accept alternate dimensions as an excuse.”

“A crossover point, not a separate dimension,” a dark voice corrects, and Obito spins around to find himself staring at…

Himself.

Well, that’s fucking awkward.

Granted, it’s not an outright copy. This version of him is dressed in a long black cloak with a high collar, decorated with red clouds, and has a purple-patterned white mask on his belt. His expression is tight with anger, and his two eyes are burning.

He looks a hell of a lot like the man Obito used to see in the mirror, and it’s no comfort at all.

Even less of a comfort is the big man looming just behind him, who is eerily familiar but also very much not, and before Obito can help himself he blurts, “Kisame?”

Kisame—with the addition of blue skin, a matching cloak, and a massive sword covered in scales—chuckles, apparently abashed at being recognized. “Hey,” he answers, grinning, and casts a look up and down Obito’s body. Coming from his Kisame, Obito would probably return the look with a knife, but this one doesn’t seem to have quite the edge of cheerfully menacing lechery he’s familiar with.

Before he can say anything, though, Kakashi takes a step to the side, then one in front of him, and warns in his politest voice, “If you keep looking at my husband like you want to eat him, I might take offense.”

Blue Kisame blinks, eyes widening, even as Angry Obito stops dead, eyes widening. “Husband?” he repeats incredulously, and black eyes flicker between Obito and Kakashi like he doesn’t know whether to be appalled or baffled.

“Maa, maa, there are other people here who could take offense at that as well, you know,” a mild—and familiar—voice says, and another Kakashi—this one in a dark blue outfit with a green flak jacket on top—steps out from behind one of the square pillars littering the space. Next to him is another version of Obito, this one with long hair in a braid and the same uniform as his companion.

He takes one look at Angry and blanches, falling back with a hand going to the short sword he’s carrying on his back, and snaps, “Akatsuki?! What the hell am I doing in Akatsuki?”

Uniformed Kakashi casts an assessing glance at Angry, then over at Obito (who feels rather like he should start calling himself Terrorist Obito just to keep things straight) and his Kakashi, and raises a brow. He only has one eye, the other covered by the slanted headband he’s wearing, but the book he pulls out of the pocket of his vest is all too familiar. “I think—” he starts.

“The better question would be what am I still doing in Akatsuki?” yet another Obito cuts in, this one dusty-looking and travel-worn. He also has a Kakashi double with him, this one wrapped in an equally dusty cloak, headband slanted down across his eye and Icha Icha also in hand. Vagabond eyes Angry with something that’s halfway between contempt and pity.

Long-Haired splutters. “No! No, I think the absolute best question is why am I in Akatsuki?”

“Because we’re clearly morons,” a fifth Obito says drolly, tucked back in the shadows of another column. It makes Obito twitch and turn sharply, but this one, in a dark green yukata, sporting a twist of ivy curled around his wrist and a rose twined in his hair, just gives him a faintly amused look and leans back into the hold of the man behind him. Very unfortunately, Obito recognizes him, even in a matching brown yukata instead of a neatly pressed suit. As the mayor.

God, what the hell happened for him to end up with Hashirama?

Apparently he isn’t the only one weirded out, because Angry, Vagabond, and Long-Hair are all gaping. Green Thumb just raises a brow at all of them, amused in a very familiar “I’m having fun watching your brains leak out your ears” way, and folds his arms over his chest. One of the sleeves of his yukata falls back enough to show a long string of zeroes inked into his forearm, and when Hashirama reaches around to touch his wrist gently, wise eyes flickering between the different groups, Obito can see there’s a matching tattoo on his skin. Weird.

“I take it you know where we are, then?” Hashirama asks Angry courteously, with a polite smile Obito’s seen him use when bullshitting Madara, who always fails to notice.

Thankfully for Obito’s own sanity, Angry doesn’t seem to fall for it. He scoffs, short and sharp, and takes a step back like he’s trying to get them all in his sights. “I can guess,” he growls, and Obito is detecting one or two anger management issues here. Maybe also a desperate need for therapy.

Kisame chuckles again, patting his massive scaled sword almost fondly, and says, “We were headed somewhere else. Guess we got sidetracked.”

Long-Hair is still eyeing them warily, but he straightens slowly, releasing his tantō, and tips his head in agreement. “We were on our way back from a mission and something went…sideways when I tried to use Kamui.”

Vagabond just narrows his eyes at them, and it’s Vagabond Kakashi who offers, without looking up from his Icha Icha, “Same, right, my cheerful little unicorn? We were on our way from Uzushio to Suna and ended up here.”

An entirely relatable expression of intent to murder flashes across Vagabond’s face, and he turns with a growl, slapping the book to the side, then throwing a blinding-quick punch at Vagabond Kakashi’s stomach. Vagabond Kakashi catches it with one hand, and uses his grip to twirl Vagabond around and pull him into a loose approximation of the hold Hashirama has on Green Thumb.

Obito is entirely unsurprised when Vagabond elbows Vagabond Kakashi in the gut, smacks him over the head, and pointedly steps three paces away.

“Would you look at that,” Kakashi murmurs in Obito’s ear, sounding far too amused for having just watched his double get beaten up. “It looks like some things are innate.”

Obito rolls his eye. “If you ever even think about calling me your cheerful little unicorn, I’m murdering you. Sasuke will help me.”

Kakashi makes a face. “Using your cousin against me isn’t playing fair, Obito.”

“You say that like any version of him would play fair,” Uniformed Kakashi says cheerfully, and casts a glance at Green Thumb and Hashirama. “I take it you were traveling too, then?”

Hashirama flushes faintly, ducking his head sheepishly as he rubs at the back of his neck, but Green Thumb just rolls his eyes. “Hardly. Madara walked in on us having sex last week and now he’s on a mission to never let us be alone together. We came here to fuck.”

Hashirama makes a noise like he’s dying and drops his head to bury his face in Green Thumb’s shoulder. “Obito,” he whines.

“I’m feeling out of place,” Kisame says cheerfully to Angry. “Just a little.”

“Don’t,” Angry tells him flatly, eyeing Green Thumb like he’s wondering if their double has lost his mind. “Clearly I’m the only one in this room with taste.”

“Excuse you,” Long-Hair says, deeply offended. “My sexual preference isn’t fish, so I think I’m doing just fine.”

“You’re with Bakashi,” Green Thumb and Angry retort in stereo, then glance at each other.

Obito snorts. “That’s fair,” he allows, and ignores the wounded noise Kakashi makes behind him. When Long-Hair looks like he’s going to protest, he meets his double’s eye and arches an eloquent brow.

Long-Hair deflates with a sigh. “Yeah, no, that is fair.”

“Maa,” Uniformed Kakashi objects, finally lowering his book. “Obito, I think you’re being very rude to your husband—”

There’s a very loud splutter, and Long-Hair rounds on Uniformed Kakashi, flailing. “WHAT. We’re not married! You’re not my husband!”

“Well, we’ll fix that as soon as we get back,” Uniformed Kakashi says cheerfully. “But as I was saying, rude—”

Obito turns to give his Kakashi a dark look, only for the man to raise his hands. “Clearly, Obito,” he says, tone trying for innocence, “I’m genetically predisposed to proposals like that—”

“You’re unbelievable is what you are.” Obito rolls his eye, and turns to look at Vagabond, who’s seeming like the only semi-normal one. Well, Green Thumb seems fairly mellow and well-adjusted, but Obito can’t look straight at him without thinking about Hashirama and sex and Madara walking in, and he’s had nightmares and been in war zones that were less traumatizing. “We weren’t going anywhere, and I have no idea what Kamui is. Any chance of getting back home before Rin decides to call in the army? Or worse, Kagami?”

Something raw and painful flickers in Vagabond’s expression, and Vagabond Kakashi lays a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. Vagabond casts him a faint smile before turning back, and says, “There was probably resonance, with so many versions of Kamui in one place, and you had just enough chakra that it pulled you in as well. I can get you back, though, don’t worry.”

Angry snorts quietly, turning on his heel. “Kisame, let’s go. I’ve had more than enough of the selfless hero types.”

Kisame chuckles, even as he turns to follow Angry into the darkness of their surroundings. “Kurama’s hard to top as far as hero types go,” he agrees, offering a careless wave before a vortex in the air swallows them.

“And we’re going home to talk about this!” Long-Hair hisses at Uniformed Kakashi.

Uniformed Kakashi looks nothing less than cheerful. “I have a ring, if that helps.”

“NO IT DOESN’T. If you have a ring, why ask me like that?”

Vagabond rolls his eyes and steps away, tipping his head to make Obito follow. “They’re probably going to be there for a while.” Half a glance at Green Thumb, like it’s hard for him to look at the way he’s wrapped up with Hashirama too, and he asks reluctantly, “You’re staying?”

Madara,” Green Thumb says, like that explains everything, and Obito supposes that it does. “Besides, Hashirama’s been working on building the village for weeks now, and I finally convinced him to take a day off. I’m not about to waste that.”

“It was nice to meet you,” Hashirama says whimsically, offering a brief wave and a smile. “It’s good to know that Obito has people who love him in other worlds, too.”

This is apparently what it takes to make Green Thumb flush, and he elbows Hashirama lightly, only to immediately be wrapped up in an encompassing hug as the big man laughs.

Vagabond and Obito trade looks that can be summed up as well at least they’re happy but it’s still fucking weird, and then Vagabond shakes his head and turns away. His eyes flicker to red and black pinwheels, spinning lazily, and he passes a hand through the air, making another vortex bloom.

“Through there,” he says, and then pauses. A glance at Uniformed Kakashi, and he smiles, just a little. “Good luck.”

He definitely means for more than the trip through the portal. Obito smiles back, tipping his head in agreement, and returns, “You too.”

“We’ll get there.” Vagabond curls his fingers into Uniformed Kakashi’s, and Uniformed Kakashi’s visible eye crinkles in a smile as he very clearly squeezes back.

The sap is choking, even after weeks of having to put up with Rin and Konan being sickeningly sweet girlfriends. Obito hides a grimace and ducks forward, reaching for his knives automatically, and feels Kakashi right behind him. The portal is a lurching wrench, but Obito twists in midair and lands on his feet, half-crouched and ready for anything.

Anything happens to be their living room, bullet holes still in the door, his cell phone on the table and vibrating angrily. Rin’s name is on the screen, and Obito winces.

Kakashi leans forward to pick it up, eyeing it like it’s a poisonous snake, and then glances at Obito. “Was that weird enough to earn us a day off, do you think?”

Obito casts a look back at the portal as it vanishes into nothingness, and feels his original sentiment still entirely applies.

“What the actual fuck.”

Finn handles a blaster like no one else

Do you want to talk about how badly The Force Awakens shortcharged Finn’s character? One thing that no one to my knowledge is talking about is his phenomenal skill with blasters. This is LucasFilm’s fault, not the audience’s, because it was shown right on the screen but never properly foregrounded.

I don’t mean the time he picked up starfighter gunning with a ten-second tutorial, then combined that with lightning-fast tactical judgment in a thirty-second firefight to get himself and Poe out alive while still minimizing Stormtrooper casualties. No, that was an amazing scene that blurred by too fast for almost any reasonable viewer to fully appreciate, but it wasn’t… what’s the word… unthinkable.

What’s unthinkable, and what passed right under the audience’s noses because LF filmed it but didn’t emphasize it, is what Finn does with a handheld blaster. As I will discuss, his style at least as shown in the battle at Takodana is very different from the way we’ve seen the heroes use blasters but also different from the way Stormtroopers use them, combining his training with his own astounding skills and strength.

I hesitate to even call this style “good,” because it could be very bad indeed for certain purposes, e.g. survival. It does, however, showcase his athleticism and sheer boldness in a breathtaking way.

This is hard to tell, though, on a casual viewing because it goes by so fast and is treated more as background action to Poe’s aerial acrobatics than a focus in itself. I didn’t realize just what was so special about this sequence until I did a deliberate comparison with how other characters and groups used different types of blasters in different situations. Let me explain below the fold just why Finn’s blaster style shown here is incredible and unique.

Keep reading

Fixing a Daily Reminder Post...

Just your daily reminders:

  • Racists are a problem
  • White people are not (unless they are completely oblivious to the world around them and they think that everyone is equal and if you dare tell them that the world is LESS than equal, they will start explaining how you’re narrow minded and you’re the problem in the world,)
  • Homophobes are a problem
  • Straight people are not (unless they are grossed out by images of gay people and want that type of thing to not be “normalized” and fetishized certain aspects of it.)
  • Transphobes are a problem
  • Cis people are not (unless they want to keep them out of public restrooms, and reduce them to “freaks of nature” and not “real”)
  • Sexists are a problem
  • Men are not (however, let’s be honest. We don’t have to think of a lot of things that women have to go through because we have this belief that women are the softer gender and should be restricted to certain roles, where men get praised for doing something mundane as changing a baby diaper) 

And most importantly,

  • Hating an innocent person solely because of their race, sexuality, or gender makes you a fucking asshole - but most people would think that an ounce of criticism is hate, or think that jokes = hate, or pretty much ANYTHING that makes the majority and the “norm” = hate and is reduced to this aspect. 

It’s funny how we need a “daily reminder” for something like this when the people who write things like this takes offense because they can’t take criticism or think that their world is fading away because the norm is changing and they need reminders that “we’re the norm, not you!” 

Kj seems like the guy who would totally go to church with you and that makes me feel all warm inside

Straight white guys pride themselves on never taking offense like it’s a talent to be unaffected by the suffering of others.

Even if you guys were not easily offended, which is nonsense, its just another way of telling people how privileged you are that you can hear about and laugh at the oppression of others.

This Is Me - Ace!Jughead x Reader

I was/am reluctant to post this because it has the potential to become very problematic, hence why it is so short.
I hope you understand that I mean no offense, and that I may be unintentionally ignorant of certain facts/aspects regarding asexuality, and its spectrum.
Please feel free to correct/educate me on it; I will be very grateful.
And if this becomes too problematic in anyway (like if a lot of people take offense) I will gladly take it down.


You lean against Jughead, your head in the crook of his neck, as the both of you stare out at the lake. It was supposed to be a pleasant day out, just to get away from the stress of school and the looming shadow of Jason’s death, but somehow it just felt off. Jughead was being more quiet than usual, his witty remarks and sardonic comments absent from conversation, and he was being strangely fidgety too. He shifts uncomfortably, his eyes darting down to you briefly before going back to the lake.

“Jughead,” you mutter, worried, “What’s up with you?”

Keep reading

tickled pink

On AO3

Dean Winchester is a Disney princess, Castiel is sure of it. He has Evidence.

  1. he’s got a chiseled jaw sharp enough to kill a man
  2. horribly clear skin
  3. entirely infuriating dimples
  4. he’s blond, but not too blond
  5. his eyes are a shade of green that does not exist in nature. The first time he saw them, Castiel was sure they were contacts
  6. this boy has fucking muscles for days, arms like tiny trees that bulge out of his t-shirts all over the place. And yet, Castiel has never seen him work out. More evidence to be gathered.
  7. He can sing like fucking Beyonce. It’s a secret, but one time castiel heard him singing in the locker room and he almost passed out
  8. he honest to god always has, like, woodland creatures coming up to him. Butterflies will land on him. On more than one occasion castiel has seem him trailed by kittens
  9. his smile could melt the polar ice caps
  10. he is, hands down, the nicest person Castiel has ever met. He’s kind to everyone.
  11. going with that, everyone likes dean. No one has a bad thing to say about him, his popularity spans all social circles and cliques and it doesn’t get to his head. He’s genuinely a sweetheart

 All that said, it’s pretty clear that he shouldn’t be anywhere near Certified Punk Loser Castiel Novak. Like sure, Castiel expects a friendly smile in passing here and there because Dean is an actual angel as well as his next door neighbor, but the guy has better things to do than hang out with a grungy weirdo.

 And yet,

Keep reading

sophies-sideshow  asked:

Fic titlefor zoop bc im trash: "Fairest and Fallen" gud luk

The Fairest and the Fallen (and those who followed)

Judy wanted to be a Knight.

Nick wanted to be left alone.

Neither would really get what they wanted.


Here. Take my messy excuse of a story! I needed some practice between writing practicum and this is what I could come up with! It’s a little… nonsensical. But it’s the cause of sleepless nights, grad school, and a test tomorrow morning that I haven’t nearly studied enough for.

Enjoy!


He is a thief, and she is a…

She is what she is. And she tells him, as she waves a sword in his face, that she’s a knight.

“A knight, huh?” He scoffs, and jingles the cuffs she’d ceremoniously slapped onto his wrists. They were rusted and red, and he hoped that whatever that was wasn’t blood but he had a sneaky suspicion-

She breaks him from his reveries. “You’re coming with me.” The daggers at her belt aren’t tied correctly, and they clink together when she turns on her heel. “The King has an order out for you. First knight to bring you back gets the reward.”

“First Knight.” He followed her, falling into step cheerfully. “I don’t think he said First Bunny. Do you get cuteness points or something?”

She spun round, and her sword was back. Held incorrectly, he noted. One swat of his paws and that thing would go flying halfway across the little crushed shell path they were standing on. He smiled, giving his reflection on the blade a little how-do-you-do. “Don’t” she intones, “call me cute.”

“Fine. Adorable. Endearing. Small and fluffy. Doesn’t matter. You’re still all of the above. And Knight hardly qualifies.”

She looks like she wants to cut him down. He doubted she could. But. Still. The look was almost enough. Then, with a haughty little puff of air, she collected herself up. The seashells under her feet rattled when she began to walk again. “Just… let’s go. I don’t have time for this.”

“Two weeks walk to the King’s. You’ve got plenty of time for me, Fluff.”

He’s right. And she’s regretting it dearly.

Keep reading

“I can use the stairs.”

Elain huffs. “Lucien, that’ll take you an hour.”

“The first hour is always Cassian and Nesta bickering while Rhys makes bedroom eyes at Feyre, anyway.”

Elain smiles against her will, but doesn’t let her mate make any headway towards the enormous staircase of the house of wind. “Luciennnnnnn,” she intones, holding him back by the arm, “Come on. Even Amren has to get flown up. Trust me, your dignity is not suffering more than Amren’s.”

“Amren doesn’t have a giant Illyrian with a personal vendetta to—“ the booming sounds of wings cut him off as two figures in black descend with a leathery snap before them, siphons glinting. “—To make my life difficult. Hello, Azriel.”

Azriel and Elain exchange polite hellos, but Cassian is sporting what can only be called a shit-eating grin.

“Cassian,” Lucien finally adds.

“Lucien. Darling.”

Elain tries not to giggle. Cassian delights in good-naturedly antagonizing her mate; Lucien always gives as good as he gets, but the odds are a little stacked today.

Cassian holds out his arms, expression smug. “Shall we?”

“I’m afraid I have to beg your pardon, Commander,” Lucien says with faux apology, their game begun. “But I was just about to ask Azriel to take me, and you to take Elain. I just thought it made sense, given that I’m heavier than Elain, and that Az, I’m told,“ —appraising glances at both Illyrians— “Has the larger wingspan of the two of you.”

Elain has to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing, and even Az’s spymaster composure cracks.

Cassian’s smile has tightened, and his mouth purses as he decides his retaliation.

“I understand,” he says finally, nodding. “It’s perfectly normal, the first time you feel something like this—“ he gestures between them, “—to be overwhelmed by it. If you’d rather seek shelter in Azriel’s arms for the time being, I won’t judge you.”

Lucien’s shoulders shake with suppressed laughter, but he stares up at the sky like he can will himself away from this conversation. “I’d really like to know why we’re having the meeting in a house that only four of the nine people attending can easily access,” he muses.

“And I’d like to know why you’re denying the passion between us, princeling.” Cassian puts an offended hand on his chest. “I won’t wait for you forever.”

Elain is reduced to a fit of giggles that makes Lucien smile wryly too.

“Shall we leave these clowns to their antics, Elain?” Az asks lightly.

“Alright, alright,” Lucien relents, laughing. “Let’s go, Cassian. My mate’s about to abandon me.”

But Cassian crosses his arms, mirth still in his eyes. “Oh, you think you can just get a ride whenever you like? That wingspan comment was rather offensive. I suddenly don’t feel like taking you anywhere.”

Lucien groans. “What now? Are you going to make me beg?”

“That would be a start.” Cassian examines his nails uninterestedly.

“Please, Cassian?”

Cassian ignores him.

“Please, Commander?”

Nothing.

Lucien rolls his eyes. “Please, o beautiful and powerful Illyrian warlord with shoulders that shouldn’t fit through doors and an abdomen made of solid steel.”

Cassian arches an eyebrow. “Getting closer. What are you asking me, Lucien? Be specific.”

Lucien heaves a sigh of defeat. “I’m asking you to wrap me in your big beautiful arms and take me. Is that the kind of homoerotic answer you were looking for?”

Cassian’s grin returns in full force, and his wings unfurl anew from his back. “Yep, that’ll do.”

Elain’s face hurts from laughing, and it only gets worse as the Illyrian sweeps Lucien off his feet, her mate going stiff and bristling at the motion like he’s an angry red cat.

“Be nice to him, Cassian,” she calls, as Az does the same with her (albeit more gently).

“Don’t worry, I know it’s his first time. I’ll be gentle.”

“If you drop me, I will set you on fire,” Lucien deadpans in response.

“If I drop you, you’ll be dead,” Cassian says cheerfully, and Lucien’s smart response is swallowed by the crack of air under Cassian’s wings as they shoot off into the sky.

SS/NH Perspectives

Consider the following: You develop a crush on a boy who is so cute, and handsome, and… wants to avenge the death of his entire family at the hands of his older brother. Okay, you think, you can handle this. Just as long as you stay by his side and support him in his endeavors, nothing bad can happen, right?

WRONG.

He gains a curse from a monstrous individual, displays murderous tendencies, as well as psychotic episodes, and goes as far as declaring siege to your entire village. He calls you “annoying,” knocks you unconscious to make his hasty escape after you open your heart and soul to him, and tries to kill you on a few occasions, leaving you for dead in others. No matter how many times you tell him you love him, he manages to rebuff you in rather cruel ways, not letting you realize that despite him probably meaning the exact opposite, there’s just something in him that doesn’t let him love the way you want him to.

He disappears for three years, and when he comes back, he is groomed into a cold, unfeeling killing machine. All he ever does is make you doubt yourself and cry, adding to your already terrible mental and emotional state from all the neglect at the hands of his indifference to your affections and pleas for him to stay, as a member of Konoha.

But, your luck’s about to change. After an arc of war, and him and your mutual best friend losing an arm, he finally gets the guts to apologize to you for everything he’s done. So what do you do?

Do you remember the three years you two were apart, with neither word nor any sort of indication of his health and safety? Do you remember his blasé and insincere reactions to your attention? The attempts on your life by him?

The attempts on the lives of your closest friends by him? The fact that he betrayed the village you both came from just to satisfy his appetite for vengeance, which, by the way, didn’t change anything except for whether or not his older brother breathed air for one more day?

Haha, no.

You just start crying for the umpteenth time and forgive him because you simply can’t stay mad at your precious childhood crush.

Forget the fact that you can blow boulders to smithereens and send anyone who crosses your path hundreds of feet in the air with one punch. Forget the fact that you’re well on your way to surpassing the Fifth Hokage in medical knowledge, chakra control, and the like, and are considered one of the most beautiful, intelligent, and accomplished kunoichi in all of the Six Great Nations. Forget the fact that you deserve the world for everything you’ve so selflessly done for so many people and can absolutely do so much better.

You just have to be with the basket-case who doesn’t know the concept of a decent haircut. What seals the deal is him poking you on the forehead the way his older brother used to do to him.

A brotherly gesture of affection is what wins your heart for good.

So you get married, become a housewife, and give birth to a child left wondering what her father is like for all twelve years of her life, until she decides she’s had enough and seeks him out for herself, since he’s made it his priority to constantly leave on missions far from home and hardly spend much time supporting his wife and daughter.

But wait! At the moment of their encounter, said husband doesn’t even recognize his own daughter due to being away for so long and tries to kill her!

Whoops! [cue sitcom laughter in the background]


NH Perspective Under the Cut

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

imagine vampire!bts sitting around and they bring up Yoongi's past relationships from centuries ago and y/n is just sitting there and like how do you think y/n will react? I really don't know why I sit around thinking about this

i shall try to help you with how i think about this :>

sometimes namjoon likes to close the bar for a gathering that’s meant just them with a few good friends. what intended to be a circle of seven vampires, included a human bartender because apparently you coming into work was a mistake but to yoongi it was an invitation to pull you to his side and stay through it all (it was easier to walk you home and plus, seems like he’s staying over tonight, too).

the boys had decided to drink, and while you had offered to be the one to make the drinks, they completely disagreed and drank from whatever namjoon had from the cellar. it’s been a couple of hours and they’re not done while you had decided for a couple of glasses and you’re okay for the night. yoongi resists drinking because he’d want to talk to you but he can’t quite do so the whole way when in between, like… now between, they bring up something that may have been off boundaries but haven’t been on that line since the day yoongi had you.

it was about yoongi’s past relationship and without realizing of the one person that might take offense to this, it seems like it wasn’t yoongi. you had expected it to be yoongi that was going to blow up (with that tight grip he now has, clenched by your waist as he fists part of your sweater) but it all died down and suddenly pairs of eyes were on you. keeping silent, you blink at all of them, as well at the man beside you with his arm around your waist, now smoothening his palm over your hip as they wait for a - “what…?”

“…nothing,”

“nothing?” you scoff and lean forward to set the glass you had down, eyeing jungkook who decided to sit opposite you. “but all of you are looking at me like there’s something,”

“well…”

“well?”

“…we were talking about hyung’s ex so… don’t you feel anything?”

“do you want me to feel something?”

Keep reading

Bullying - Elijah Mikaelson

Warnings: BULLYING, name-calling, things associated with bullying. Don’t read if makes you uncomfortable, seriously.

Request: Request: cpuld you do an imagine where the reader meets her old bully years later. Elijah and the reader are close friends, both have feelings for each other but never acted on it. Elijah overhears the conversation and when the bully asks if she has a boyfriend Elijah steps in & says he is her boyfriend. Later on Elijah learns that the reader was bullied bc she didn’t dated like the other girls. Is this okay? Ending is up to you ((Anon))

Pairing:  Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!Reader

A/n: If someone had written something like this for me when I was being bullied I probably wouldn’t be so fucked up.  

Originally posted by vampirediariesbitch

——–

You were walking down the street when you saw her. You could pick her out of a crowd of a thousand in seconds so a decently busy New Orleans street wasn’t at all hard. Your stomach dropped and you froze where you stood, eyes locked on her as she bought a necklace from a stand. You couldn’t breath, afraid she’d hear it and notice you. A couple other girls joined her at the stand and you recognized them as well, they were the girls that followed her around and worshipped the ground she walked on in high school like she was some goddess.

One of them meets your eyes and you turn around, your face probably now resembling a deer caught in the headlights of a tractor trailer. You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to walk away, you were the bigger person. You could be the bigger person. You could. The second you took the first step however they were around you, grabbing at your shoulders and asking what you were doing in New Orleans mockingly.

“Probably looking for a boyfriend she’ll never get.” One of them said, making all the other laugh as you look around helplessly. A panic-attack takes hold of your lungs.

“She’s probably looking for a girlfriend!” One of them cackles and pushes you, “fucking dyke.”

You hit the ground hard, your hands are skidded open and probably bleeding. They won’t stop shaking, just like the rest of your body.

“I take offense to that statement.” You look behind you when someone talks and notice Elijah standing a foot from you, looking completely composed as always.

“Elijah-” He helps you to your feet and tucks an arm around your shoulders, putting himself between the bullies and you.

“I’m almost certain, given that Y/n is my girlfriend, that she is not a lesbian. Now-” You can see Elijah’s eyes darken and grey veins push themselves to the surface when ELijah pauses. The girls all give a scared couple of steps backwards. “Scuttle.”

They do just that, all of them running in the opposite direction. Before you can detach yourself from him Elijah has you standing on the ground floor of the compound. You’re shaking, every breath you take has you cowering in fear.

“Are you alright?” Elijah doesn’t try to touch, he’s probably afraid of hurting you.

“No, no I’m really not. You should uh- you should stay away from me- I could hurt you.” Your brain took you back to being the witch freak of the school, setting things on fire and overflowing faucets on a daily basis.

“You can’t.” He reaches out faster than you can react, taking your hand. You jump back, staring from your connected hands back to his face.

“How did they get to you? I have seen you face Marcel with cool confidence.” You look down, too ashamed to look at him.

“They bullied me.” Your voice is quiet, barely below a whisper.

“Consider them gone.” You look up and grab Elijah’s wrist before he can let go of your hand.

“No- Elijah don’t-” You felt that familiar surge of helplessness when the principal said they’d ‘talk to them’. “You’ll only make it worse- please-”

“They hurt you-”

“I know. I just- I know, okay? But you’ll only make it worse. Don’t, please.” You let go of his hand after you finish your sentence.

“No one can hurt a person I care for. No one.” Elijah turns around, walking towards the doors of the compound.

“You care about me?” He stops walking when you speak. His shoulders straighten before he looks back at you.

“Of course I do.”

nothing annoys me more than people being like “LEARN TO TAKE A JOKE” when you find something offensive or disgusting like where am i learning to take this joke? to the fucking trash where it belongs?

Guan Shan never showed interest in He Tian and never will True/ False?

Lol, I love this one. I’m always amazed when I read comments about them not fitting well with each other. On the contrary, I believe they are a perfect match really! Sure we’ve seen He Tian showing most interest lately (I’m not denying that we’ve seen very little of Guan Shan being assertive and all), but let’s not assume it will never happen. This is of course FALSE. 

He Tian is just a little straight forward than Guan Shan is. Their personality is completely different from each other, which is a good thing because they bring out the best in each other. I’m sure Guan Shan has his own little ways of showing he cares or is interested for that matter. Besides, they’ve just met (unlike Jian Yi and Zhan who are childhood friends), so it’s only natural that Guan Shan needs time to warm up to He Tian. It doesn’t happen that quickly. Especially if He Tian continues to come off strong and they don’t really get the time to talk and get to know each other. Also, if Guan Shan was never interested in He Tian, he wouldn’t bother hanging out with him, keeping him company or cook for him. He wouldn’t even bother checking him out ;)

Guan Shan translation –> (blush*) ‘’I-It’s Not like I like You!’’

The confessions of an ultimate Tsundere xD

Warning: Please don’t take offense. This is just my personal opinion.