<b>straight feminists:</b> men are so horrible!! i'm going to kill them all with my eyeliner haha<p/><b>a lesbian:</b> yeah men suck<p/><b>straight feminists:</b> wow why are lesbians so hateful? you can't just generalize people like that!! i'll have you know my boyfriend samuel compliments my highlighter and has only called me a cunt three times<p/></p>
The question people ask me the most on here besides “are you dead” is how to make gifs and how to make them look good. So I finally decided to make a tutorial how to go from this: (I know this tutorial is pretty long and I apologize for that, I just wanted to make a tutorial everyone can understand because when I was a beginner I always wished for more detailed tutorials on this topic.)
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated as the youngest in my class on State Alchemy, and I've been involved on numerous secret raids on Drachma, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top alchemist in the entire Amestrian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Amestris and your address is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Amestrian Military and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
DM - You all enter the ransacked room to find Garret, the royal soldier, dead in a pool of his own blood Noble Fighter (ooc) - OK OK OK you know what, this is the 3rd time one of my friends has been killed! What the fuck!? Dwarf (ooc) - Your own fault for making friends. You could’ve been a bastard like the rest of us but oh no, you had to go and be nice to the NPCs! Mage (ooc) - You’re a Curse…you are officially banned from befriending the NPC's
there was something i noticed from the wonder woman movie that hit me in my figurative balls, and it’s steve’s line here: “believe me, i wish i could put the blame on one person.” this kept nibbling at me, until i sat down and figured out what it was nibbling at me for. and i gotta say, it took some rubbing of my two brain cells together
it was the thing i needed to finally put the pieces together behind this line, because i’m a fucking dumbass who realizes things only years later: “i bet your parents taught you that you mean something, that you’re here for a reason. my parents taught me a different lesson, dying in the gutter, for no reason at all. they taught me the world only makes sense if you force it to.” see, i’ve been taking that line in the context that superman is upsetting the balance, right? like everyone else in the movie, batman is scared of what superman can do, and i haven’t taken that line beyond that point. but if that was the only message the line was going to offer me, why include that bit about the parents? why not keep it short and sweet, why not make it snappy? it’d make a hot soundbite.
but, the thing is, i wasn’t thinking about this line in the context of batman’s arc in this movie, i was just taking it at face value. but the first we see of batman is him running into the destruction, rescuing a man, rescuing a little girl, but being unable to save her mother. we see him lose his parents, and we see that he’s lost his son. we see him lose the man that he’d rescued. that’s a hefty string of bad luck - all those deaths, all so seemingly random. that’s the thing, right? batman lends importance to death - his parents’ death must have some meaning, jason didn’t die in vain, and neither did the civilian causalities of the metropolis disaster. his crusade against superman is his crusade against criminals.
batman is doing the exact thing diana’s doing this whole movie - he’s pinning all this tragedy on one person, he’s gunning to kill, he’s forcing the world to make sense. why didn’t i see it earlier
the scene where neil finds out andrew chose him over aaron is like…So Good…it hits him that andrew really, truly does care for him….and that what is happening between them is actually a ‘this’ because at that point andrew would not be able to come back from losing neil, he is the one thing that got between his resolve to never want anything after cass because it nearly killed him, and andrew knew better but, “perhaps it’s the self-destructive streak in me?”
Can you do a Yakuza AU (if you're not comfortable with that than just normal) with hand x reader where their home is raided and reader is held hostage and hanzo has to watch a little as she is beat up or groped or something before he can save her and kill them? And then a lil fluffy smut along the lines of like "I could've lost you" or "I'll never let them hurt you"
((Yakuza Hanzo…is like my greatest weakness…holyshit thaaaank you for this request you lovely person you))
Japanese summers were absolutely stifling; the suffocating humidity combined with the sweltering heat left people in a constant state of lethargy and irritability. But in the same hand, they were incredibly beautiful in their uniqueness to only Japan; the festivals, fireworks, seasonal delicacies, variety of vibrant and unique yukatas all accompanied by the singing of cicadas. It made suffering through the intense weather worth it. But something was wrong…the cicadas around the Shimada-gumi’s summer estate had gone silent.
Your voice was soft, still thick with sleep as you felt your husband’s arms untangle from around your waist, your body instantly rousing when the comforting heaviness of his touch was gone. Confused wakefulness began to course through you as your bleary eyes cleared, watching as your shirtless husband pulled one of his gun’s from his nightstand, hands quickly loading the weapon and pointing it at the door. You felt your heart begin to thunder in your chest as you pushed yourself up, Hanzo flashing one finger back at you as he took a half step towards the bedroom door. He was still shirtless, his raven hair hastily pushed back from his face but not tied up, the muscles of his back and shoulders tense. Your own body went tense as you heard a crash from downstairs, a muffled curse followed by the sound of more crashing.
Someone had gotten into the estate.
This was not the first time this had happened and you were sure that it wouldn’t be the last; the Shimada-gumi may not have been the biggest Yakuza faction in Japan but they were one of the strongest. That painted a very pretty target on any and all Shimada or Shimada associates’ back. Assassins, kidnappers, blackmailers, hell, even the occasional paparazzi had managed to sneak onto the estate, all looking for something that could bring the Yakuza faction to their knees. Still, none had made it into the main house. Most ended up snuffed out by their small army of Shimada hired bodyguards or security bots near the front gates, the more insistent trespasser making it to the gardens before being shut down. They weren’t in the main Shimada estate, however.
Hanzo had surprised you with a month-long trip to Hokkaido; the two of you visiting the various estates, onsens and even small castles that the Shimadas’ owned in the northern region, handling business on the side but mostly enjoying one another’s company. While your travel security detail had been with the both of you, it was light compared to the amount that stayed around on the main estate. Still, the travel schedule had been strictly need to know, meaning that someone had either hacked their itinerary or one of your trusted employees had divulged that information. Regardless, it appeared that you and Hanzo were on your own for the time being.
As quietly and quickly as you could, you groped at the nightstand until your fingers wrapped around your phone. You forced yourself to look away from your husband’s back, fingers dancing across the touchscreen in a practiced manner, activating the panic feature that had been built into the device. It sent a notification out to the elders, Genji, the entirety of the Shimada security detail and several police stations that were in the pocket of the family. Because of your location, you knew it would be at least two hours before someone arrived, the both of you just had to manage until then. You moved as silently as you could, Hanzo not turning to look at you as you lightly placed your hand on his back.
“I called”, you murmured, voice barely rising above a whisper, taking a half step closer and pressing your body against his back. Touching him calmed you, the heat from his body easily bleeding through the lace and chiffon of the cream negligee you wore, ebbing the racing of your heart. “Two hours…should we–?”
Your body jumped as you felt Hanzo go stock still against you, the sound of someone right outside the door making your blood run cold. The small estate you were in tonight had been upgraded back in 2050 to be more automated; biometric-based security systems, HD security cameras, holo-pad controlled HVAC and appliances and hidden lights that responded to physiological changes in the rooms they were installed in. The security system in the home was, or was supposed to be, heavily encrypted. But you watched as Hanzo adjusted his hold on the gun, the soft, electronic sounds of beeping sounding off through the door before several tiny clicks sounded. The biometric pad next to the door turned from red to green, Hanzo taking several steps back, arm reaching and pushing you further behind him.
“Ah ah, I would put the weapon down! Unless you want your pretty little wife to watch us blow a hole in you.”
Your hand curled into a fist against Hanzo’s back, feeling the angered growl that rumbled through his frame as he sized up the threat in front of the both of you. You could feel the vicious, snarling energy of his twin dragons rippling from beneath his tattoo, sending waves of warning heat through your left arm and your own white ink tattoo. All Shimadas’ were marked with a sign of the dragons, whether by becoming of age if you were blood related or marriage once you had been proven worthy. While unable to actually summon a dragon, the tattoo tied you to your husband and symbolized you were to be protected by his dragons. You didn’t need to see his face to know that his mind was running through every possible scenario that could play out, silently assessing their chances of getting out of here through brute force alone. Gulping thickly, you could see the slight twitch in his shoulders as his hand tightened around his gun before lowering it, the weapon clattering to the floor loudly as he raised his hand.
“Name your demands”, Hanzo said smoothly, his deep voice even despite the danger. His words were sharp, commanding, taking charge despite the fact that he was at a disadvantage; just as the head of the Shimada-gumi should. His right arm remained raised but his left was behind him, keeping you safely tucked behind his body, shielding your both from seeing and being seen by them.
“Oh we will”, the obvious leader remarked snidely, his voice nasally and grating. There was a chorus of laughter that sounded from behind him before he snapped. “Grab ‘em!”
Your husband snarled at the men, stepping back and trying to guard you before the butt of a pistol swung out and connected with his left temple, stunning the man.
Your arms wrapped around Hanzo’s middle as his body wavered, squeaking softly as you and Hanzo fell. Pulling him tight against your body, you were finally able to see the men that dared to attack the Shimada-gumi. There were five of them clustered around the door, the red oni tattooed on the side of their neck clearly indicating what faction they were from. Dogs from the Horikoshi-gumi. The Shimada and Horikoshi factions had been locked in a bloody battle, the latest fight taking out the second lieutenant from the Horikoshi gang. Last you heard though, was Hanzo and Ryota, their leader, had come to an agreement, a truce to end the bloodshed. Apparently his men hadn’t heeded the memo. The scrawny man in front leered at you, a wide grin breaking across his face, revealing a mouth full of golden teeth.
“You heard me boys, grab ‘em! Let’s take them downstair so we can put on a real show.”
It felt as if a nail had been driven through the left side of his head, Hanzo biting back the groan of pain that threatened to fall from his lips. The throbbing in his skull was only matched by thrum of heat beating in his arms, the dragons twisting and snarling, waiting to lash out for their master.
“Real shame you had to go and marry a Shimada. You’re real pretty. Sweet little thing like you would look real nice on my arm.”
“The only shameful thing right now is being touched by the likes of you”, you stated coldly, venom in your calmly spoken words.
Hanzo forced his eyes open, his lip curling up in a silent snarl of pain as light flooded his senses, lids fluttering until he could see clearly. His wrists had been bound together and he had been left in a kneeling position while unconscious. Hanzo barely tilted his face, assessing the room quickly before he lost the advantage of no one knowing he was awake. It appeared that they had dragged the both of you into the tea room, the size of the room comfortably seating the dozen or so men that appeared to have been stationed in there. Hanzo felt his stomach twist tight in both anger and worry as his eyes connected with you, his fists clenching tight as he resisted the urge to lash out.
Your face had settled into a stony mask, full lips drawn in a tight line of anger, eyes staring directly ahead at the wall. You sat in seiza, shoulders rolled back and head held high, back ramrod straight with your hands curled tightly in your lap. The right sleeve of your gown had been torn, your hair was disheveled and several strands hung in your face, your braid almost completely loosed. Despite the leering men around you and the precarious situation the two of you were in, you still gave off the aura of a perfect lady. Two men stood on either side of you, the man that had struck Hanzo before was walking back and forth in front of you.
“Think you’re so high and mighty don’t you bitch? You think we don’t know you were one of them little hostess sluts?”
“I may have been a hostess but I had class unlike you”, you scoffed, gaze still refusing to meet his. The man growled hand flying out and grabbing you by the hair, fingers tangling deep into your locks and yanking your head up.
“Get your hands off of her!”
The man’s hold on your hair slackened for a brief second before tightening, a manic titter lifting from his throat. Your eyes flew to Hanzo’s, the mask of fearless indifference cracking into unadulterated relief and abject distress as the man holding your hair shook you with a leering grin. Your lips pursed tight, refusing to reward the man with a cry of pain, a shameful blush burning across your cheeks as the cretin moved behind you and grabbed your throat with his free hand.
“Well good morning sunshine”, the man exclaimed, a sneer settling on his lips as he glared down at Hanzo. Chuckles followed from around the room, the low-ranking lackeys smirking wickedly at their eyes darted from their boss and you to the bound Hanzo. “Woke up just in time to see me play with your pretty little whore! If anything happens to her, it’s all on you buddy! Shouldn’t have fucked with us!”
Hanzo made a move to stand only to have two hands clap down on his shoulders and yank him back to the floor. Your eyes went round, struggling against the hold, a raucous laugh rising as the both of you protested the treatment of the other. A cry was finally wrested from your lips as you felt the hand of the man drag down from your throat, playing with the edge of your gown brusquely. Your eyes frantically locked with your husband, seeing the discernable rage in his gaze, his body struggling against the men before going completely still. His brow was furrowed, more in concentration now rather than anger as he stared at you, silently exuding calm your way. He was telling you to ‘focus on him’. You blinked several times, the tears that rested in your eyes rolling down your cheeks, as you gave a fraction of a nod to your head.
“Is this all of them”, Hanzo asked simply, ignoring the incredulous bark of laughter that bounced through the room.
“Y-yes”, you answered, your eyes darting around before looking back to your husband’s as realization began to dawn on you. A soft astonished laughed fell from your lips as the gangster yanked at your hair once more, earning yet another laugh from you.
“What the fuck is so funny?!”
“You and your men”, you started, voice slightly strained in pain as he tugged harder at your hair, confidence returning to your face. “You are foolish men who have made a grave error. You never corner a dragon.”
“Just what the fu–”
“Ryū ga waga teki wo kurau!”
You winced, not allowing your eyes to fully shut, as the room filled with bright, brilliant bursts of cyan light. Hanzo’s twin dragons burst forth from his arm, a deafening roar filling the small space as Yuuki and Ame tore their way through the men, circling around the room and hitting every target. The dragons, like their master, were thorough in their ferocity; ripping through the bodies of the men and completely disintegrating them with their magic energy. A reassured smiled tugged at your lips as the dragons reached you, the hand holding your hair finally releasing you and allowing you to drop back to the ground fully. It felt like a summer breeze was blowing around you, warm and soothing and peaceful, your own tattoo thrumming as the dragons danced around you briefly before surging back to their master. Your eyes fluttered open, briefly looking around the emptied before connecting with Hanzo.
You cried out for your husband, scrambling forward and hastily untying the ropes that bound his wrists. As soon as his arms were freed, you threw your arms around his neck, the man’s strong arms wrapping around you as he fell back onto his rear. Your hands shook as you pulled back slightly, finger touching the bruise to the side of his face gingerly a sympathetic whimper rumbling in your throat. Your fingers continued to dance over his skin, he doing the same to you in return, both of you worriedly examining one another. You flinched as you felt Hanzo’s hand graze the top of your negligee, gulping hard as your eyes locked back onto his anger darkened amber eyes.
“I was so scared”, you forced out, leaning forward to press your forehead against his, tears springing to your eyes. He pressed back, his hands lifting to hold either side of your face gently, thumbs rubbing in slow circles. “They hit you and you were out…and they dragged us down here and you weren’t moving Han. You weren’t moving…and they…they said…I could’ve lost you…”
“I am so sorry beloved”, he breathed out, tilting his head up and pressing a hard kiss to your lips to silence your anxious rambling, a soft sob falling against his lips. “I will never let them hurt you. I will never let anyone hurt you again. I will protect you til my dying breath.”
“No dying”, you corrected, your sob and laugh morphing together as you kissed him back hard.
Kissing him made everything feel better, your arms wrapping hard around his neck as you tried to press yourself closer to him. You needed to touch him, feel him and it seemed that the feeling was mutual, the both of you drawing consolation from one another. Hanzo’s hands pulled away from your face, trailing downwards in a soothing manner, thumbs lightly massaging at your throat then at your collarbone and shoulders before dropping to the neckline of your negligee. His touch was gentle, tender, pushing away the mental remnants of that cretin’s hands on you. You whined as he broke away from your lips, softly shushing you as he kissed the corner of your lips then your jaw and your jaw. He gently nudged your face with his nose, a silent query for permission that you quickly granted by tilting your head up for him. He kissed where the man’s hand had been so tightly wrapped around, drawing soft sighs from your lips before dipping lower.
Your hands tightened on his shoulder, in no way stopping the man but steadying yourself in his lap as his beard grazed the swell of your breast. He softly shooshed you again, hand coming up to run over your cheek before it moved to undo the button at the nap of your neck. The gown slackened slightly around your shoulders, Hanzo pausing to run his fingers over and through your hair, completely undoing your braid before his hands dragged back up to your shoulders. He pushed your nightgown down, your arms dropping, the soft, translucent fabric to pool at your waist. Soft sighs and whimpers of appreciation tumbled from your lips as his lips drew downwards, back arching as he captured one of your nipples in his mouth. Your hands dragged to the back of his head, pushing him closer, fingers tangling into his hair.
His touch, his lips, the soft words of endearment spoken against your skin drove away the fear of losing him, the thoughts of being touched by another. Your fingers scratched lightly at his scalp, his calloused hands running up and down your sides and over whichever breast wasn’t currently in his mouth. He lowered you gently to the floor, his mouth leaving your sensitive nub, eyes boring into yours lovingly. Gently cupping his cheek you smiled, other hand gently coaxing him back to your lips and kissing him earnestly. Heat was rolling lazily in your core, the emotional need to be coupled with your husband winning out over the physical demand for it.
“Please”, you breathed out as the both of you broke away, stars in your eyes as you looked at him. You peppered soft, adoring kisses to his lips through your words, unrushed, tender shows of affection and want. “Hanzo, please?”
He smiled at you, a rare expression that you hoarded greedily and proudly, his gaze soft yet hungry for you. He assented, nodding and gently nudging his forehead against yours, placing one more kiss against your lips. You loosed your hold around his neck as he pulled back, his hands pushing his silk night trousers and underwear down. Eyes dipping downward, you shivered as your eyes took in the sight of his thick cock, already dripping with precum. Hanzo’s hand lightly tilted your chin up, your eyes locking as he slowly crawled over your body. You laid back with him over you, shivering hard as his lips pressed into yours, whimpering softly as his hands pushed your gown up. The warmth of his hands made your skin tingle wherever they roamed, sighing needily as he gently massaged at your bare hips, spreading your legs for him as his hands dragged to your thighs.
You whined against his lips, back arching as his hand grinded insistently at your mound, fingers slowly rolling around your sensitive nub. He smiled against your lips, catching your moans as her rubbed your wet slit, fingers barely dipping into your core. Your arms wrapped tight around his neck, pulling him closer to you and whining piteously at his teasing motions.
“Han please”, you breathed against his lips as he dragged his hand over your clit once more, gently clawing at his shoulders.
“Of course beloved”, Hanzo murmured, pulling his hand away from your cunt before moving further your legs.
The both of you groaned as Hanzo lightly brushed his cock against your entrance, your hands tightening against his shoulders once more. Your breath hitched as he began to push into you, toes curling and hips rolling as the head slipped inside. Hanzo’s head fell to your shoulder as he set a steady, lazy pace, his lips and tongue pressing gently into the skin of your neck. There was no rush in either of your movements, hands falling to either side of your head, Hanzo’s hands intertwining with yours.
“You are mine”, he moaned against your skin as he nibbled at your pulse points. You gave a loan moan of agreement, nodding your head dazedly as he gave a slight snap of his hip. “Made just for me beloved. Only mine to touch, dearest. Mine to protect.”
His words were possessive but not aggressive, waves of pleasure lapping hungrily at your senses each time he spoke. The words were intimate, loving, his grinding hips and thrusts filled with a need to show you how much he needed you, cared for you. One of his hands released yours, his thrusts getting faster, sloppier as you tightened around him. Butterflies flew in your stomach their numbers expanding as his hands caressed your face tenderly, combing through your hair and moaning your name in such a sweet, loving voice.
“H-Hanzo”, you whimpered, body being carted towards.a.point of no return. Your mind was filled with thoughts of him, your darling husband, of his words and his caresses, of the sweet nothings the slurred together as he hungrily kissed and nipped at your skin. Nothing from earlier remained, only him and his affections and his cock coaxing you towards your edge. Your eyes slipped closed, fireworks dancing behind your lids as you came, Hanzo’s strokes picking up as he fell right along with you. You could feel the warmth of his seed fill you, your walls milking him hungrily, taking all of him in. All you could do was squeeze his hands tight, free hand wrapping around his neck to press him close and sobbing words of agreement to him. “Yours, all yours dear husband. Just for you. You just for me. Oh Hanzo I love you, I love you I love you.”
“I love you too my beloved wife”, he said through gentle kisses, body still shivering as he fell atop you, his weight a welcomed warmth.
It took several moment for the both of you to regain your bearings; Hanzo redressing you and himself, picking you up bridal style (despite your insistence you could walk) and laying you in the bed while telling you to sleep, that he would take care of the rest. You assented to him this time, only requiring one stipulation: that he stay until you fell asleep. And so he did, brushing your hair and face until you were lulled into dreamland comfortably.
it kills me that through all this since the apprentice lost their memories Asra has just wanted to hold them???? No one prepared me for that???? Where was the disclaimer when you download the game? Like “Hold up you’re about to meet the sweetest person ever”
Nie pierdol, bambusie jebany (Literally: Don't fuck, you fucking bamboo. Meaning: Don't talk bullshit.)
W pizdę jeża! (Literally: For hedgehog's pussy! Meaning: For fuck's sake!)
Piździ jak skurwysyn (literally: It CUNTs as son of a whore. Meaning: It's cold as shit.)
Pierdolnę mu z kolanka w ryj (literally: I'll fuck him with knee into snout. Meaning: I'll kick him in the face)
Jesteś miękkim chujem robiony (literally: You're made of soft dick. Meaning: You're wishy-washy.)
Wypierdalaj, ty skurwielu jebany, bo jak ci przypierdolę to kurwa wyjebiesz w drzewo, że ci chuj odpadnie! (literally: Fuck off, you fucking fucker because when I'll fuck you then you'll fucking fuck into a tree and your dick will fall off. Meaning: Fuck off.)
Chyba żeś się z chujem na głowy pozamieniał (literally: You've swapped heads with your own dick. Meaning: You're crazy.)
Wyglądasz jakby ci ojciec zaorał ryj kutasem, ty spróchniały szczochu (literally: You look like your father has ploughed your snout with a dick, you rotted piss. Meaning: You're ugly.)
Tarzaj banana, zapiździały zmazie nocny nietoperza (Roll a banana, you CUNTed wet dream of a bat. Meaning: Fuck off.)
Zrobię ci z dupy szafkę na buty, ty wielbłądzi naplecie utarzany w piasku (I'll make a foot locker out of your ass, you camel's foreskin rolled in sand. Meaning: I'll kill you.)
Ja pierdole, czego kurwa do chuja wafla, ty jebany skurwielu? (Literally: Fuck, for dick's waffle, what the fuck do you want, you fucking fucker? Meaning: What the fuck do you want?)
Nima chuja we wsi! (literally: There's no dick in the village! Meaning: It's impossible.)