like oh honey

  • <p> <b>Phsycic:</b> *reads my mind*<p/><b>Me:</b> On tHE outSIDe alwayS LOOkinG in Will i ever be MORe thaN IVE alwaYs bEen cauSe Im TAP Tap TaPpIng on The GLasS WAving throuGH A winDO-THE DEMON QUEEN OF HIGH SCHOOL HAS DECREED IT, MONDAY 8AM I WILL BE DELETED THEYLL HUNT ME DOWN IN STUDY HALL STUFF AND MOUNT ME ON THE WALL 30 HOURS TO LIVE HOW WILL I SPEND I-So sO so SO thIs IS what It feeLS lIKe tO matCH WiTS with SOmeone At YOUr LevEL whAT the HELL iS ThE caTch ITs the FEEling oF FREeDom of sEeIng thE liGHt itS BEn FranKlin WiTh a kEy anD a KITe- *Mii theme song spontaneously starts playing on a loop*<p/><b>Physic:</b> What the fuck.<p/></p>

Bellamy’s that husband you send out to get milk and he comes back 2 hours later with 5 puppies instead.
Only instead of puppies, they’re children.

  • alec: did you sit in a pile of sugar?
  • magnus: ? ? ?
  • alec: 'cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
  • magnus: :) :) :)
You Get What You Give (Communication)

Requested: Yes

Summary: Where Harry’s just begun his solo career and performing is everything that he’s ever dreamed of; he can’t help but feel so alone sometimes though. Feeling as though everyone has someone, and he’s so out of the loop with his love life that it brings an imbalance. However, you can’t take everything and expect to give nothing in return or for everything to be ok for forever.

Word Count: 1,221

Pairing: Harry Styles x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Desperation, Mention of partying, Mention of loneliness

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

omg i just watched this show called bakers or fakers. basically two professional bakers compete against hobbyist. though who's who is kept a secret till the end. they have challenges with certain ingredients or desserts. i can totally imagine bitty going on the show.

YUP!

Also AU where Jack is a guest judge on the show and he knows he’s supposed to be there as the “Eye Candy Sports Star” and isn’t expected to actually know much about baking or about knowing who is the professional or the faker BUT the Falconers (for the first time since Jack was named captain) failed to make the playoffs (so. many. injuries. Jack himself was out for a huge chunk of the season and Tater pulled his hammy and it was– Not his fault. Jack knows that but STILL). The point is Jack had some extra time on his hands and so not only did he watch every episode of Bakers and Fakers to get used to the format, he also read tons of How To Bake books and he was going to start on the youtube channels but he’d run out of time. (Plus Jack prefers books, youtube videos can be a bit too loud for him. Especially with the weird background music some of them put on while things are baking.)

The point is: Jack goes to this taping Way Too Hyped and, honestly, putting a lot of the competitive spirit he reserves for hockey into Judging. Jack is going to get this: he is going to figure out who are the bakers and who are the fakers and… well actually there’s no scoring system per se but he is going to give specific feedback and win this thing anyhow.

Enter Eric Bittle.

Tiny. Blond. Friendly. Stunningly attractive. Freakishly fast at baking. Super nice to one of his fellow contestants who looks like a sweet old grandma. Super condescending and says things like “Oh, honey, that’s precious” to other fellow contestant who Jack thinks is a bit of a prick. 

Jack decides right away that he must be a Faker. He is too young not to be. And he keeps cutting corners, not doing the things that Jack had read about and if there is one thing that Jack “knows” is that’s you Don’t Cut Corners in baking. So he is the faker. 

He is also the best, but Jack is not to be deterred. Bittle gets through the first round no problem (Douchebag’s cupcakes were basic and dry so he goes and the other contestants seem happy about it.) and it’s onto the second round. For this round, all the contestants have to use maple syrup (in honor of Jack). Jack and the other judges bicker easily among themselves about who left is the Faker and who is the Baker and Jack tries over and over to get them to see that clearly Bittle is a faker. He has to be. There is no way he can use that much maple syrup without it coming out too sweet. He is making rookie mistakes. At one point, he added sirracha to his pie?? It didn’t make sense. He doesn’t make sense. Jack is positive.

Then they get to the tasting and the other two contestants are good and Jack is pretty confident that Marsha is a professional because damn her maple crisp thing is delicious but–

But then he takes a bite of Bittle’s maple crusted pie and he… he sees stars honestly.

“I was wrong,” Jack Zimmerman admits out loud to a studio audience. (Okay, that’s an exaggeration, the day is too long so there is no live audience). “He’s the real deal. He’s a baker for sure.”

The other judges agree. And because they have to give less money to real Bakers and thus always chose who they thing is a real Baker (and because Bittle was handsdown the best), Bittle wins the show.

And then comes the question: “Are you a baker or are you a faker?”

Marsha (as Jack suspected) is a Baker. That’s okay. Janelle is the faker and then Jack was right. They have Bittly announce what he is next. There’s the tense silence. Jack is glaring at him without really meaning to. 

“I.” Bittle starts. Jack hasn’t felt so pumped since he was playing against the Flyers and they were tied up with 34 seconds left. “Am. A.”

Jack is holding his breath. He needs a win. He was right about this.

“Faker!”

Bittle laughs. The other judges all exclaim at how amazed they are by this. The host gets Bittle to explain that he is still a college student and he does most of his baking in a frat house (hence the sirracha move). Everyone is amazed.

Jack is livid. He knew it and then stupid Bittle made him change his answer. He should have stuck with his gut, he should have–

“Sorry for fooling you right at the end, darling,” Bittle says as they wrap up, shooting him a smile. “Had to get that 15 grand though.”

“I knew it, though,” Jack mumbles, feeling his face go a bit red. “I did know it.”

“Oh, you had no idea,” Bittle says and though he’s laughing, Jack doesn’t feel mocked. “You can’t know everything about me that quick!”

Bittle is cute and small and compact and Jack feels that rush he feels when he’s been bested but by a team that deserves it.

“How much time?” he blurts. Bittle blinks at him. He flushes harder but continues anyway. “Would it take to know everything?”

“Well, I- I-” Bittle is a bit flustered now too. Jack can see his face getting red. It’s adorable. But, unlike Jack, he manages to collect himself rather quickly. “I think dinner would be as good a place to start as any.”

And so that’s where they start. 

i wonder if one day when Jack is just lounging about in the Haus on his Kindle, reading an article on WWI history, and Bitty is in the kitchen heating up leftovers, Holster and Ransom will walk in from class and see this and chirp “Dude, domestic much. Do you guys have your future kids’ names picked out too? lol” 

Bitty’s face will redden and he’ll roll his eyes, ready to retort that he’s barely even being domestic by microwaving last night’s dinner, but Jack won’t even look up as he says absently, still half-focused on his article, “Yeah. Charlotte if it’s a girl and Jaime if it’s a boy. Maybe Richard, too, but I have to ask Bits about that.”

Holster, Ransom, and Bitty will kind of just stand there, slack-jawed, until Jack looks up and he’s like, “Why is everyone looking at me what did I say.”  

Based kinda on @kayytx and @brandnewfashion‘s Jack Football Au

  • Like, imagine if Coach Bittle is famous within the Football world like Bad Bob is within the Hockey world. 
  • So at Samwell where Bitty plays Hockey and Jack plays Football it’s like “omg, your dad is Bad Bob/Coach Bittle omg” 
  • Or maybe they don’t realise at first 
  • Bitty’s always saying things like “Oh honey, my dad thinks you’re doing real great this season, etc” 
  • And Jack’s like “Oh that’s nice” for agesssss 
  • Then one day Suzanne and Coach are visiting Samwell and Bitty introduces them and Jack’s just “WAIT YOUR DAD WHO THINKS I CAN PLAY IS THE RICHARD BITTLE” 
  • And the same happens with Bitty and Bad Bob like, 
  • Jack’ll tell him “My dad watched your game” and “My uncle Mario is really impressed with your speed.” 
  • And when Bitty visits Canada with Jack for Christmas and they go to his uncle Wayne’s party he finds out that “BAD BOB IS YOUR FATHER AND YOUR UNCLES ARE WAYNE FREAKING GRETZKY AND MARIO LEMIEUX?!?!?” 
  • And yeah
  • Jack football and Bitty hockey
au where bitty becomes a really popular youtuber

and after jack publicly comes out they do the couples yoga challenge for eric’s channel and jack has never been quite this bad at anything in his life, and eric is just like “oh, honey, can you not lift your leg over your head? what about touching your toes? well, at least you can lift me. lord, this just goes to show that if figure skating were easy they would call it hockey.

taako: ren, you saw my show, didn’t you? do you remember… sazed?

ren: ugh, DO i… no offense, taako, i get that he was your friend and all, but he was so annoying!!! he was clearly mocking your style and the things he said were so cringy. its like he was trying to take over the whole thing!! im sorry i dont mean to be so rude but he was hard to watch >:/

taako:

anonymous asked:

I don't think it gets any more personal and privacy invading than this, but how do you think your and draco's sex life would be like? I'm in Slytherin.

Oh honey, honey…. this should be interesting. Here’s some alphabet headcanons.

A = Aftercare
(What they’re like after sex)

- Okay so, I firmly believe that Draco is an extremely attentive partner after sex; always looking to hold you, showering you compliments on your most insecure areas, staring lovingly as you doze off to sleep, all the fluff. However, I also like to think that he’s a bit self conscious given that he’s a perfectionist, so he tends to sneak in a few questions and comments that require validation on his performance. “That was amazing, darling…hopefully not just for me though, I can do it differently next time if you-” and you have no choice but to cut him off with kisses and reassuring praise.  

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

- No doubt Draco is traditional in many respects, so he’s definitely attracted to your most feminine attributes. Your collarbones, the cupid’s bow of your lips, the small of your waist, and of course your ass. He’s forever looking for the opportunity to hold you from behind or clutch your bum in the corridors. He’s proud of his broad shoulders and muscular triceps, though you’re a fan of his toned torso and prominent hipbones.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

- He’s got a love-hate relationship with it. Nothing makes him feel more empowered or proud of his ownership than when his princess has a mouthful of his reward for her or coating her chest, but he’s definitely not one to let it linger on the sheets overnight. When he’s feeling particularly jealous or needy, he’ll cum inside of you - desperate to claim what’s his completely.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

- Draco is secretly obsessed with the idea of potentially being caught, so he’s constantly pulling you into broom closets and abandoned classrooms to have his way with you. He makes no efforts to muffle your moans by covering your mouth and nothing gets him more excited than the threat of other people overhearing the two of you or better…catching a glimpse.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

- Despite his need for assurance after-the-fact, Draco is confident and skilled whilst performing. He has never shy’d from keeping it interesting, nor is he intimidated by the thought of what your exes may have brought to the bedroom. He knows what he’s doing and he’s always eager to please no matter what it takes. His stamina and enthusiasm often make for ample sweat, orgasms and exhaustion. My boy knows how to lay it down, okay? Don’t you dare doubt it.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

- Missionary, which shouldn’t come as a surprise. He thrives on your pleasure, so being able to watch your every eye roll, lip bite, and labored breath really drives him mad. He loves having access to your neck as he’s a biter, always leaving you with swollen lips and lovebites. When he’s on top of you is when he feels most in control and having you at his mercy is what he craves above all else.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

- Draco would be offended if you were to laugh during sex, refusing to believe that perhaps you were just a bit distracted or uncomfortable, he’d be sure to have a fit of anxiety thinking it was something to do with him.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

- He keeps himself trimmed but expects you to be bare in your intimate areas. He likes a clean visual and being that oral is his preferred form of foreplay, he doesn’t want anything getting in the way.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

- Draco is passionate til the very end. Eye contact, sensual whispers, little things like tucking your hair behind your ear as he’s inside of you so he can kiss your forehead. He’s never quite gentle, but he still prefers to make love instead of just an impersonal fuck. He goes above and beyond to set the mood when he has the time or the incentive (anniversaries, birthdays, special occasions) and doesn’t miss a detail, down to the thread count of the sheets.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

- He doesn’t believe in masturbation and expects you to withhold from doing it, too. That’s what you have each other for, afterall. He doesn’t mind mutual masturbation for the sake of a good show, but he’d much rather pleasure and be pleasured than have you waste an orgasm on your fingers that he could have caught with his tongue.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

- There’s a reason he calls Lucius ‘Father’, okay? The more endearing term was ruined for him because Draco has a Daddy Kink and likes to be yours. He’s dominant and possessive but also loves the aspect of pampering and spoiling his princess both in and out of the bedroom. He has a strict set of rules you’re expected to abide by but he rewards you accordingly. When you’re a brat, he has no issue with bending you over his knee and correcting your behavior. He derives his pleasure from having total ownership of you, but he’s aware of how sacred the trust and respect that goes into a dd/lg relationship is and whenever possible, he showers you with affection and gifts and displays of his appreciation.  

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

- The Astronomy Tower, the sofas in the Common Room, and the Rose Garden behind the Manor. Always at odd hours of the night when there isn’t much else but the two of you and the stars out.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

- It really doesn’t take much, if I’m honest. A minor wardrobe malfunction, an innocent laugh that was just a little too breathy, a snog that lasted a tad too long - he’s ready. He likes to celebrate his Quidditch victory’s with sexual favors from you as winning seems to inflate both his ego and his libido. Sometimes an argument with enough heat and tension will result in rough, spontaneous sex and other times, the waiting game and inability to have you at that very moment because you’re in classes or whatever is enough to drive him mental all morning.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

- Draco does not like sharing, let alone the love of his life, so threesomes are most certainly not to be considered. He likes things to be cleanly as I’ve said, so anything involving any bodily fluids that aren’t cum or saliva are a definite no-no. He doesn’t like hardcore bondage and he will never support any form of roleplay because ‘Who I am, as I am, should be enough.’

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

- This is his favorite, even moreso than doing the deed itself. When you’re in full submission and at the will of his mouth is when he’s happiest, but having you take him in your throat puts him in a whole other element.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

- Draco is forceful, but his pace is dependent on the mood of it all. Sometimes it’s slow and each thrust is with a passionate, powerful intent. Sometimes it’s sloppy and erratic but still strong.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

- He always says that he refuses to start anything he can’t finish, so he doesn’t mind having time restrictions so long as the both of you leave satisfied. Most of your quickies are between classes or just before Quidditch practice. Sometimes, if he really can’t help himself, they happen during dinner whilst everyone else is occupied in the Great Hall and he knows he can have you almost anywhere else in the castle.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

- Being that the trust the both of you have established is so unwavering, there isn’t much he wouldn’t try with you. He’s patient and invested when the two of you do decide to experiment but you’re so content with your sex life as it is that the time to switch things up dramatically doesn’t often arise.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

- Quickies for Draco are about 15 minutes, and that’s after a significant amount of teasing and foreplay. When you have the time to really delve into it, it can take anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour for a round. Multiple rounds are common but sometimes you’re just too tired and sore to go a second time.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

- As with Masturbation, Draco prefers that all of your pleasure comes from he alone.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

- Literally constantly. Every minute he’s with you there’s a hand on your thigh or sliding up your skirt, a nibble on your earlobe, a kiss on your neck, a squeeze of your bum - you find it annoying, really. He especially likes teasing in front of his friends or busied areas which makes it all the more difficult.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

- He’s vocal; talking to you and giving orders. Calling you sweet names and not bothering to hide his grunts and groans of pleasure. He works hard to make sure the most satisfied, guttural moans and screams leave your lips. When you have no choice but to be quiet, he makes sure to stay close enough to catch your whimpers and soft cries for more.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

- My Random Headcanon is that he goes for girls who are seemingly very modest and composed. I think Draco likes to ‘pollute’ the women he dates, he likes knowing they’re only naughty for him alone. He doesn’t want a girl who’s got a reputation for being anything other than a prude because he likes being your one weakness. He also values public image so highly that to have a girl that other’s view as respectable and unassuming is perfect for him. People are always shocked when they do manage to be within earshot of your sexcapades and that’s how he likes it.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

- Most likely around 8 or 9 inches with some girth to it.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

- Draco is insatiable. Obviously.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

- He tends to sleep within a half hour of the two of you reaching your highs but if he has other obligations to get on with then he has no problem forcing himself out of bed and tending to it. He’s relaxed after sex, not so much sleepy.