like more than 2 months

tbh in a nutshell i’m not w my boyfriend anymore bc a drunk girl made me feel more appreciated in like 2 days than he did in 8 months

u know…I know everyone’s gonna leave me and I have to work on accepting it so I’m not heartbroken when it inevitably happens ? Idk I can’t see ppl loving me for more than like 2 months because historically that’s when it usually ends with me

i’ve been working and saving like every day for 6 months, and i haven’t spent more than 2 paycheck’s worth of money in that whole time, and i feel like i should have way more money than i do :/ at the end of april i will have just barely enough to get into a low income apartment in the city, and yeah i mean barely enough is still enough, and that’s all that matters until i can find somewhere to work where i’m moving, but damn by april i’ll have been working for 7 months and i ain’t really makin shit 

no filters, no editing, no fake smile, no make ups, no hiding behind a mask. here’s what a tired monkey looks like after a bit more than 2 straight months of training and work every single day, 24 hours a day, no weekends, no good peaceful sleep… being woken up many times a night and day either by screams of distress or calls for help. in complete devotion and service to beings with dementia, psychosis, multiple sclerosis, parkinson’s disease, obsessive compulsive disorder, mental illnesses and elderly age. i’ve done more than i could ever imagine i could. i’ve seen my strength and i’ve seen how deep my roots have grown into the soil. am not so easily shaken by the wind anymore. i’ve seen myself beyond my limits and still remaining calm + soft. i’ve seen myself in the deepest of darkness, still doing my best to shine a shimmering light and offer save haven for those in the deep dark dens… i don’t quite know how. but i did. and this is the beauty of the universe. like terence mckenna once said, you plunge yourself into the abysm only to find it’s a feather bed. we are capable of so much more than what we believe. it will shake you inside out, it won’t be easy, it’ll be the hardest thing you could ever do. but you will do it. because we’re all so strong. beyond our wildest dreams. this is what i’ve learned in these past few months. i plunged into an unknown country, unknown people, unknown situation. i stopped making excuses. this was breakthrough for me. i spent all the years of my life making excuses. when you stop doing that, then magic flourishes within and around you. what i seek to share with these words is not that i’m something special or super-powerful but it is that we all are so strong. beyond our imagination… but we’ll never see it unless we actually step out of our comfort safe zone. so step out of it. let’s stop whining and complaining. let’s get out of our sofas and start living our dreams. creating. bringing magic into life. help others. be the change you want to see in the world. remind yourself of how beautiful and strong you are! once you see that, then there is nothing to fear and if there’s nothing to fear than there is literally nothing in the whole universe that can stop us. all my warmest love to all of you sweetest spirits ✨💓✨