Listen Misa, I hate to break it to you, but what people call “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Misa, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.
I did it. I got through all of the death note movie. And now I can explain to you why life is a nightmare and I hated the movie. And I'll put it in bulletpoints so y'all and your gnat attention spans can understand my rage and quickly.
- LIGHT IS PORTRAYED AS THE VICTIM. The VICTIM of his crazy manipulative girlfriend who killed the “good guys.” And the victim of the evil demon named ryuk who just likes to kill people for funsies.
-L was good for the first half. Then he went completely out of character and started running around screaming at people. THEN IT IS IMPLIED THAT HE KILLS LIGHT IN THE END WITH THE DEATH NOTE.
-“misa” likes to kill people and loves light. It’s not so different from the original cuz misa was definitely a sociopath in love but it was fucking dumb how she was used to victimize light and make him out to be the poor boy who just wanted to help people.
-light turner’s not intelligent at all. When l is on his trail, he just…stops murdering people. He has a breakdown the second they come onto his trail.
-there are no fucking mental battles until the END. and even tho the end was more death note like than anything else in the movie, it doesn’t make up for the fact that everything else in the beginning? Watered down. AMERICANIZED so that we could have pathetic action sequences and gory deaths.
-the ending like…the Ferris wheel and the pre planning from light? Ok fine that was very death note. Convoluted and it did adhere to death note’s rules. But it waited too fucking long. The entire movie was a horrible cliched mess of gore and pathetic attempts at suspense and “build up.”
-because of the wasted philandering, we never got to see l and light battle. We never got what made death note interesting because Netflix wanted so desperately for us to think death note was a horror thriller thing.
-AND IT FAILS AS THAT. like if you wanted to change the genre GROSS but ok, but they didn’t even do that WELL.
-they threw in a scene at an abandoned orphanage and made ryuk creepy BUT IT WAS WEAK AS SHIT CINEMATICALLY and it fucked up the already weak attempts to make the tone “suspenseful.”
-ryuk never felt like a threat. light never felt like a threat. L was supposed to be one of the threats light has to face, but they barely interacted and when they did? No tension whatsoever because of how little they were mentally battling.
-death note was unoriginal. it didn’t take the concept and create a new, interesting take on the original. It didn’t stick to the original to please old fans. It appealed to no one except maybe 13 year olds who liked Bonnie and Clyde nonsense…and they don’t even get that, since those two stupid white fucks double cross each other. And one dies.
-I just don’t
-who the fuck
-hackneyed lines. So many.
-lines that didn’t make sense.
-the plot to find L/Light was supposed to drive the movie but it faltered and halted for no good reason? Like why are they trying to arrest L now? Just because he suspects light?
-and are we supposed to be sympathetic to light? Fuck that kid, he’s a whiny idiot. X
-and…I just…im tired of talking about this movie now. I want to lie down and never speak or think about it again.
Everything Wrong with Netflix's version of Death Note
(This will be step by step while I watch it)
OBVIOUSLY IT CONTAINS SPOILERS
This also does not cover the white washing or anything beyond the story/plot of the movie. Obviously the white washing was reason enough to not watch this disaster but my curiosity got the best of me.
1) who is that girl with dark hair? Is that supposed to be misa..:? If so, why does she seem to have no interest in light at the beginning?
2) Light is a little wuss; normally he would be able to talk himself out of every situation or not be involved with the bullying at all.
3) this principle is a huge dick + why the fuck doesn’t he go after the dude that knocked Light’s lights out?
4) holy shit, lights little bitch scream + freak out in detention
5) why are you hitting yourself?
6) ryuk is the green fucking goblin apparently
7) I personally don’t think light would kill a bully, he tends to go after people who are real criminals, not emotionally compromised teens
8) why the fuck would he go right for decapitation?
9) who is going to clean up that classroom?
10) why didn’t he get in trouble if it was that much of a mess?
11) light’s relationship with his dad is bad. In the anime all he cared about besides becoming the world’s new god + getting rid of baddies was his family.
12) Light’s still afraid of Ryuk after the first meeting… even though an apple rolled out of the opposite side of the room he showed up in to make sure that he was introduced (again).
13) Light doesn’t seem to have a sister so far, and his mom is dead. Sure, it gives him motivation to use the Death Note but they haven’t touched upon the real reason (he was bored) which makes him seem more justified. Which isn’t the point of Death Note. Light’s supposed to be morally compromised.
14) his last name is Turner instead of Yagami
15) he fucking had the death note when “Mia” comes to talk to him and he friggin shows her it. What the fuck, why would he do it? He even showed her that he killed that bully. Light never would have done that. Ever.
16) he shows her how it works + fucking kills in front of her!!!!!
17) he actually likes misa instead of being a bag of dicks and showing everyone that he’s a manipulative asshole like he’s supposed to be. We’re not supposed to like this jerk. Although I think I liked him better in the anime compared to this little bitch
18) he hasn’t used the heart attack Death yet, he’s mostly done accidents, which doesn’t fit his MO
19) he fucking outs himself for recognition by making people write in Japanese instead of just keeping quiet and going about his business. Sure, Light has an ego but he wouldn’t want to have people investigating him.
20) L actually goes to a crime scene. He wouldn’t risk that, even if he was wearing a mask.
21) the fuck are those light up sun glasses and why does he ask people to sing a weird ass song for him?
22) Light is out as pro Kira immediately to his dad, making him suspicious. I recall him playing devils advocate and saying that Kira has a point, but that Kira needed to be stopped in the anime.
23) L doesn’t mask his voice on video chat
24) the justice for the wicked website looks like Reddit or four chat. Some shitty, non gothic or scary looking site
25) Light is too emotionally compromised by “Mia”, why the hell is he so enthralled with her?
26) the police chief immediately meets with L in person
27) “please James, have a seat. Rest your glutes.”
28) WHAT THE FUCK, WHY IS THE ACTUAL L HOLDING A PRESS CONFERENCE!?!?!?
29) Light is being creepy with his dad. Immediately asks about L. Tries to spin it light L is Kira instead. Then proceeds to ask what would happen if Kira was caught.
30) Light wears sunglasses at dusk/night
31) “it’s my book” says light, who suddenly turned into a 4-year-old
32) Ryuk kills all the FBI agents. He wouldn’t interfere with Light’s plans or help in any way usually. That, and he keeps telling Light to give the notebook up.
33) Light’s dad went on tv with his name + face. Light basically gives himself away by not killing him. I don’t recall that happening in the anime at all, if I’m wrong please feel free to correct me.
34) idk why but Ryuk’s head looks huge compared to his body.
35) pulling a fork out of a holder makes the same sound as a knife apparently
36) Light had a temper tantrum in front of L for a few seconds and then gives him a creepy face. He basically tells L he’s Kira by submitting to playing “the game”.
37) Watari goes missing to go get L’s name for Light. It tips L off big time.
38) L gets over emotional, goes after Light. light’s dad threatens to kill L. What the fuck?
39) Ryuk isn’t interested in light’s game at all. He just wants to give the notebook to someone else or kill Light.
40) no mention thus far of shinigami eyes
41) Light wears a fucking top hat at one point
42) the Wammy house is abandoned, leaving me to believe that there will be no Near later on in this shit show
43) the homecoming picture scene. Seriously. What the fuck was Light doing?
44) Light leaves his locker open, another dumb picture inside
45) Watari is found in Wammy house, doesn’t tell Light L’s name + is shot by people looking for him (deployed by L) because “Mia” wrote it in the death note. Upside is that she calls Light a pussy.
46) “Mia” reveals that she killed all the FBI agents + is way smarter than Light. She even tries to kill him so she can have the Note book. The reason that I put this on the list is because there’s no way the normal misa was this smart + a bad ass. As far as this Netflix series goes, I’m all for her killing pussy-light.
47) really bad remix of L’s original theme
48) despite trying to kill Light, Mia still warns him about the cops.
49) L can’t drive for shit and almost hits innocent people on the sidewalk while screaming.
50) wow that’s a lot of trash bags in that one ally way
51) L said he didn’t carry guns earlier because they’re distracting. L later points a gun while yelling “Light”.
52) Light isn’t at all like his character in the anime. He never manipulates people to the extent that he was previously able to. He also never befriends L, which probably turned out to be the worst thing for him.
53) Light fucking decides to explain the notebook to L before some dude in an apron beats L with a wooden beam. Said man then says “Lord Kira” and let’s Light go.
54) Light’s last stand is in a Farris wheel
55) Light thinks he can somehow run away from everything when he’s literally stuck in Farris wheel surrounded by cops
56) Light put Mia’s name in the book that said she’ll die if she takes it from him; wrongly predicts that he can convince her not to take it. Ends up being some fucked up farris wheel Romeo and Juliet ending with bad music.
57) mia lands in fucking flowers while Light lands in water even though they fell from the same point
58) L is perfectly fine even though he had his head smacked with a beam hard enough to knock him out
59) the Note that says that Light will die conveniently lands in a burning trash can + that means he still lives. L gets fired or something.
60) Light is in a coma but doesn’t seem to be guarded by police even though it was pretty clear he was Kira. Someone sneaks in and gives him the death note back
61) dad knows he was Kira but doesn’t really do anything
62) inappropriate theme music and inappropriate time
63) some of the above comments are solved through a really shitty explanatory Death Note entry
64) L’s laugh and then immediately sad look
65) it ends with so many questions + really sucky and inappropriate song still playing.
66) neither L or Light really win- Light doesn’t die/ get thrown in jail on screen and L doesn’t die/ catch Light.
It’s not easy being sixteen, especially for Sana Kiyohara who just moved from Wisconson to California, who’s dad might be having an affair, and who just might be falling for a girl named Jamie Ramirez.
It’s Not Like It’s a Secret is a beautiful and moving coming-of-age debut. Inspired by the Asian, Latinx, and LGBTQ youth she met as an English teacher, Misa Sugiura crafts a vivid novel that shouldn’t be missed.