A/N: Oh my god you guys!! I have so much to discuss but first and foremost I want to thank all of you for making this story into what it is. I started this story two weeks ago and in those two weeks I’ve gained almost 2000 followers and have had success that I never even dreamed of. Thank you so much for all that you’ve done for me, for this story, and hopefully for stories I write in the future!!! Skyline wouldn’t be what it is today without you guys. Secondly, there will be a pt. 7!!! I know I keep saying this, but I really did mean for this to be the last part. It’s just that there are so many things I want to include and plot points I want to flesh out, and although I feel bad for writing angst chapter after angst chapter, I want to give you guys my all and I don’t want to short change you. Finally, I would like to thank my friends Zoe and Jen for helping me brainstorm ideas and helping finalize details and plot points. I love you guys so so much!! Also, everyone, again, I DO NOT HAVE A TAGS LIST!!! I put this at the beginning of every chapter, it’s in my bio, and I’ve made multiple posts but people keep spamming me about it. I am truly not trying to be mean, but I do my best to respond to every ask and message I get, and having to sort through a million people asking the same question is hard guys!!!. Before, I go, one last thing: because everyone has sent me in songs that they listen to that remind them of Skyline, I compiled them into a playlist along with ones I listen to!! Please give it a listen and try to listen in order, as the songs follow the storyline. Link is below. Enjoy everyone!!
Waking up the next morning was hard. Sleep was like temporary amnesia, and when
you awoke alone in bed, your hand automatically reached out for the note that
Spider-Man always left before he disappeared every night. Instead of feeling the usual smooth sheet of
paper, however, you felt empty sheets that seemed colder than ever before. It was then that the events of the previous
night tumbled into your head, from your request to know Spider-Man’s identity,
to him saying I love you for the first time, to you giving him up.
You groaned and rubbed your hand across your face,
fatigue taking over. More than anything,
you wanted to fake an illness, stay in bed all day, and wallow in your
thoughts, but you knew you had to get up.
Although the breakup hurt you (did it count as a breakup if you were
never really together in the first place?), you knew you made the right
choice. There was no way a relationship
with a superhero would work out if the significant other didn’t know who they
were; if you were to fall in love, you would need to be able to fall
“Hey, Dean. Have you seen,” Sam started, but promptly started choking as Dean walked by him.
“Dude. You smell like sex. You didn’t bring a random girl back to the bunker, did you?” Sam pleaded, trying desperately not to cover his nose.
“Not random. Nope,” Dean responded as he crossed the kitchen.
“Speaking of girls, you seen Y/N? She didn’t sleep in her room last night. She must’ve been enjoying her unattached drifter Christmas too,” Sam chuckled.
Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam before answering. “Yeah, I’ve seen her. And she most certainly was,” Dean smirked to himself, heading for the coffee.
“Man. You didn’t?” Sam asked.
“Oh I did. Have you seen that girl? I’m pretty sure I love her,” Dean confessed.
“Love?” Sam scoffed.
“What?” Dean shrugged, reaching for the coffee pot.
Just then you stepped into the doorway in nothing but one of Dean’s button ups.
“Mornin’,” you yawned, stretching your hands above your head.
Dean turned to look at you at the same time Sam lifted is head.
“Damn,” they both muttered.
Dean glared at Sam again before setting down his coffee and closing the gap between you.
“You look beautiful in that,” Dean said, grabbing his shirt and yanking you against him roughly. His lips met yours in a passionate kiss, leaving you breathless.
“I’m out of here,” Sam mumbled, slipping out the door.
You laughed and looked at Dean. “You’re all about those chick flick moments aren’t you Dean?” you teased as you held him close to you.
“Only when it comes to you, princess,” he confessed, looking into your eyes.
You held his gaze for a moment before he spoke again.
“Only me huh?” you retorted.
“I can’t help it if I’m a hopeless romantic,” Dean shrugged.
“Prove it,” you challenged.
Dean practically growled as he hoisted you up, causing you to squeal and wrap your legs around his waist.
“Thought I did a pretty good job proving it last night, Y/N,” he rumbled, nipping at your neck as he pushed you against the wall. “But I’ve got no problem proving I love you again,” he whispered, his lips finding yours again.
You gasped at his words, but his lips swallowed yours before you could respond.
“No more unattached drifter Christmas?” you mocked as Dean carried you down the hall.
Dean chuckled, low in his throat.
“Only if it’s with you,” he growled, kicking his bedroom door shut and tossing you on the bed.
“Deal,” you agreed as he crawled over you once more, a look of love and devotion crossing his face that you had missed last night.
As Dean’s lips met yours tenderly, you couldn’t help but think maybe he really did love you.
Loki shifted slowly in his sleep, the sunlight shining onto his closed eyelids and disturbing him from his peaceful sleep. Loki fluttered his eyes open slowly, trying to draw in his surroundings. He felt the floor beneath him and realised he was resting on a soft carpet. He suddenly noticed that he wasn’t alone. Loki looked towards his chest and where his left hand was resting. He realised that someone was resting on his chest and immediately discovered that it was you. He suddenly stiffened and stressed out, trying to remember what happened. He shifted his hand underneath your head and carefully shifted your body off his, treating you like beautiful china. Once your were rested carefully on the ground, he stood up and delicately placed one arm under your knees and the other beneath your shoulders and warily picked you up. He placed your still sleeping body carefully on your bed and pulled his arms out from underneath you slowly so he wouldn’t wake you. Loki pushed a small strand of hair out of your face and smiled slightly, finding you beautiful and innocent as you were sleeping. Loki’s smile broke when he realised what he was doing, he couldn’t feel anything for you. It wasn’t right, and you didn’t deserve him.
Loki sighed as he walked towards the door and opened it, taking a quick look at you before closing the door lightly and walking out of the room. Loki walked down the hall and saw all the avengers sitting on the couch watching TV. Nobody really paid attention to him at first except for Thor, who was beaming at him. Loki looked at him, creasing his eyebrows with a confused expression.
“There you are, I started to think you’d never show up” Clint said, causing all the avengers to look straight at Loki, something he didn’t really appreciate. Loki nodded and looked down at his feet, still thinking about you. “I was asleep” he said quietly. He didn’t have a witty comeback for the first time since he got here, and he wasn’t really up for it. Loki looked back at Thor who was still smiling, and after a few seconds he stood up walking over to Loki.
“I’ll just be a second, I need to speak to my brother” he said, still smiling. Thor walked over to Loki and grabbed his wrist, leading him towards the hall.
“Wha…what are you doing!?” Loki sniped, irritated by Thor’s confusing behavior.
“I don’t know, anything you’d like to share with me, brother?” Thor said, raising his eyebrow and grinning. Loki shifted awkwardly but tried to cover it up by playing it cool. He looked up at Thor, a confused fake look on his face.
“What is your damage this morning?” he asked, Thor continued to smile at his brother unfazed by his response.
sO it’s 2:35am and I’ve just finished watching the Carmilla Movie trailer (in my defence I’ve been busy playing Before The Storm) and h0ly frick frack I might’ve almost cried and it was so amazing that I actually decided to get out of bed to my laptop so here I am to give you a small declaration of some screenshots:
#1 CAN WE PLEASE talk about the way Carm is looking at Laura?! I truly wasn’t ready to experience this kind of attack so early on
#2 tHe cReW™ is back together and that’s all that matters oml. also Natasha’s hair is still my sexuality
#3 DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING?! *HEART FAILURE*
#4 aLsO Laf and Perry in masks?! YES SIGN ME TF UP
#5 they look so perfect. that’s all.
#6 I might’ve set this picture as my wallpaper like woULD YOU JUST LOOK AT IT this is truly a sensational scene if you’d ask me
#7 and then of course THE MOST IMPORTANT SCENE OUT OF THE WHOLE TRAILER! SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY ANNOUNCED IT 53 DAYS TO GO I’M LEGIT GOING TO START COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS bYE
this is a collaboration between @caratvocals, @sleepyboo-sk, and myself ! for the first 13, we’re assigning members just so that every one of them has a chance to be written about, as we expect some members will be requested more than others. if you want anything specific included, please say that in your request (member, au, fluff, smut, angst, which one of us you want to write it, etc.) !! i made the divider using this blog’s art. original 100 wtsily prompts are here.
RFA reacting to MC having an "accident" in the middle of the night cause Aunt Flo is here./ RFA when It's MC's "time of the month"
Anonymous said: I already made a request last night but, I realized
it’s similar to another one. The severe period pain one? By that I mean, Mc is
like groaning in pain on the couch and unable to move from the pain. Btw can it
be RFA +V and Saeran. I’m like withering in pain and tbh I feel like this will
make me feel better lmao. Also, I like went through nearly your entire profile.
Anonymous said: Ohm. This is a weird request but meh. Do you think
you could to a reaction from the RFA + V and Saeran to MC having horrible
period pains? So bad that it hurts to stand? Cause like, it happens.
So these are actually some
of the latest requests, but this just seemed easier to write, so I finished
this as soon as I could to get some content out. Still, it’s almost two weeks
late despite that. Our inbox is rotting. Imsosorryivebeenbusy x.x
BUT ANYWAY! I hope this will suffice? It might not be quite
what you guys asked, but I tried ^~^
Text Message Received.
“Hey, I can’t come to the beach today, sorry… >_< It’s that time of
the month, so I can’t swim…”
He’s never had a girlfriend before. He’s completely clueless when you suddenly cancel on the
beach date you’d been planning for days! You’d both been so busy, today was the
one day you could actually meet up :C
-insert sad Yoosung boyfriend-
Instead, he decides to visit, anxiously worrying if you were
feeling sick. (his mother makes him bring you some chicken noodle soup,
lecturing him about how it was only respectful lololol cmon we all know she
Hm. You didn’t look feverish, and you weren’t coughing or
anything… The only weird thing was how you sat in your chair all curled up into
a ball. Curious, he decides to ask you about it, “So uhm, MC… why did you cancel
Immediately, your cheeks flush slightly. Didn’t he
understand from your text…? With a wry smile on your face, you eventually
explained, “Weeeell, I’m on my period… And the cramps have been really bad so
far. I can hardly stand. I didn’t want to ruin our date by lying down every
five minutes in an attempt to tolerate the pain.”
The colour drains from his face.
“OH MY GOD MC, ARE YOU OKAY?! NO, NEVER MIND, OF COURSE NOT.
L-look, you shouldn’t be sitting here with me if it’s that bad, go back to bed
right now and I will make you an omelette because you need good nutrition and
rest so pleasepleaseplease go lie down,” he babbles, panic filling his features
as he desperately pushes you to your room.
He ends up cooking in your kitchen while you bundled up in
your blankets, trying to fight off the pain somehow.
Brings the omelette to your bed so you don’t have to walk
You fail in holding back a big smile as you look at the
beach umbrella drawn in ketchup. (Everytime he made you an omelette, he made
sure to draw something different)
“I-it’s to represent that we should go to the beach when you
feel better,” he sheepishly explained, red tinting his cheeks.
Your phone suddenly vibrated, indicating a notification came
through. You glanced briefly at your phone before WHIPPING YOUR HEAD to re-read
Seven: lololol I guess
he really wants to see you in a bikini!! What a perverted boy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You’d been lazily cuddling together in the morning upon
waking up after a…. good night
together. He’s whispering sweet nothings into your ear, running his fingers
over your body… down your back… over your butt… then he stops, a flicker of
confusion in his eyes.
He suddenly breaks his hold on you, sitting up and lifting
the blanket off your bodies. Zen’s eyes seem to be peeled to your legs, or
You watch him in a half-asleep state, what was he doing so
early in the morning? You yawn, stretching slightl- !!!
A sharp pain shoots through your lower stomach and you hiss
as you clutch at it. What the…?
As you roll around the bed, you feel a slight wetness on the
bedsheets. Oh. Uh-oh.
You heave a sigh, closing your eyes as dread overwhelms you.
“Pleeease tell me it’s not what I think it is,” you groan, pulling a pillow
over your head. “I’m so sorry for ruining the bed, ugh…”
Zen’s eyes soften, sympathy flashing in them. “Honey, it’s
okay, it happens,” he says, offering a sweet smile. “I’ll take care of it,
okay? Do what you need to, and when you’re done, I’ll go get our breakfast.
Don’t worry about anything.”
He plants a light kiss on your forehead, gazing gently into
In mere minutes, he removes and replaces the bedsheets,
throws them in the laundry, and heads out to buy some food. You wait anxiously
on the bed, groaning as your cramps caused continuous, throbbing pain.
“Zeeeen,” you whimper, as if it would make him come back
The front door opens, and you can see that Zen has returned
with crepes, cake and hot chocolate in hand. He quickly rushes to your side as
he hears your whimpering, stroking your hand as he checks to make sure you’re
“I’ve heard that chocolate is supposed to help with cramps,”
he says unsurely, holding up the hot chocolate. “And I also got some sweets. I
know it’s not a proper breakfast, but I know you love these things around this
time of the month. So let me spoil you on days like this, babe.”
Despite the lightning bolts of pain you were feeling, you
managed to smile from your balled up position, weakly squeezing his hand as a
sign of acknowledgment. “I love you, Zenny,” you mumble.
From the beginning, she had been aware that you got severe
period cramps, and prepared numerous remedies and reliefs.
Whenever she noticed that it was nearing your time of the
month, she would make you drink water with brown sugar dissolved into them,
which was supposed to relax your muscles and make your cramps hurt less.
But one day, before your period came, you began to cramp up
really badly. Unfortunately, you were still at work, so you had to continue
taking orders and serving the customers despite the pain. You couldn’t let
Jaehee down, after all.
But after doing it for a while, you were sweating profusely,
your mouth watering with excess saliva. Your cheeks were flushed, and your legs
were beginning to give out.
From behind the counter, Jaehee noticed your odd state, and
realized immediately what was going on. She dashes out to guide you into the
employee room, bringing you a mug of chamomile tea and chocolate cake.
“MC, you should’ve told me earlier if you weren’t feeling
well!” she scolds you, glaring at you. But her eyes are soft with worry,
although she was trying to express her anger.
You smile weakly, having no excuse to offer.
Her worry morphs into guilt. “I should have given you the
day off… I knew that your time of the month was coming soon, I shouldn’t have
made you work. I’m really sorry, MC.” She runs a hand through her hair in
frustration, ashamed in herself.
“But you take such good care of me, I only want to repay
you…” you argue softly, furrowing your eyebrows.
Your words bring a small smile to her face. “Silly. You’re
the one who takes care of me. You’re always considering my feelings, even when
I don’t. I can only be so happy thanks to you.”
Another shot of pain makes you wince, and you bring your
knees to your chest, in an attempt to ease the pain. “Nng… thanks, Jaehee, but
I just need to… rest for now,” you managed to say. “Go back to the counter…
customers are waiting.”
She flicks your forehead lightly. “Silly. I’m going to stay
with you of course. I’ll just close the shop. It’s one of the perks of being
the owner. Let me take advantage of it, okay?”
And so, you end up going home, cuddling together on the bed
as you suffered through your monthly hell. At least you had an angel beside
The two of you usually spent your nights together, but you
suddenly asked to stay in a separate room one night. A bit disheartened, Jumin
inquired you as to why you requested this, and you sighed, begrudgingly
explaining what Mother Nature made you go through.
“Is that why you couldn’t sleep last night?” he frowned, his
thumb gently stroking your cheek.
Your head shot up in surprise. “You knew?”
“I know everything, my love. You were groaning, tossing and
turning the entire night… I couldn’t even hug you properly.”
“It’s not my fault it hurts so much!” you protest.
“I also had the maids wash the bedsheets, after noticing it
had been dirtied. I hope you don’t mind.”
Erk, that was embarrassing. It was only the maids, but you
suddenly felt like the whole world knew you were bleeding out of your vagina
now. Seriously, Jumin could’ve kept quiet about that part. Now you felt mildly
Jumin continued, “It’s okay. Get some rest, okay? You
probably didn’t sleep a wink last night. I have a meeting today, but I’ll try
to come home as soon as I can. I hope Elizabeth 3rd will suffice as
company til then… Is there anything you would like me to bring back while I’m
“Not really…” you mutter, cheeks still red.
Jumin raised an eyebrow, dubious.
“Okay, fine. Yeah, can I get some pizza? That one we had
last time, where the crust was perfectly crispy and topped with that fancy
stuff you ordered.”
He chuckles, kissing your forehead softly. “I knew you’d
give in. And don’t worry so much about it being your time of the month. This is
nothing to be embarrassed about, compared to your loud screams at night…”
The moment he heard your first
whimpers he KNOCKED DOWN YOUR DOOR
“Honey?! What’s wrong!!” he
panicked, throwing the covers off your bed to inspect you
You were curled up, rocking
gently side-to-side as you quietly cried, the tears gathering in the corners of
“Saeyoungggg… Mother Nature’s
killing me again,” you sniffled, trying to deal with the pain
“W-w-what do I do?” he
stammered, cheeks flushing as he was unfamiliar with women’s monthly pains. He
wanted to help, but he really had no idea.
But you couldn’t even answer,
groaning as the next wave of pain hit you
“I-it’s okay, MC, I’ll call for
help immediately! Defender of Justice, 707, off to the rescue!!” he declared,
suddenly dashing out your room
“Come baaack,” you called out,
feeling slightly disappointed. Had he just run out on you? What was he even
trying to do? You just wanted some Saeyoung cuddles right now…
From the open door, you could
hear Saeyoung talking vividly on the phone, “Give up the sacrifice!! NOW, Jumin
Han, or I will hack into your company right now!”
Sacrifice? What sacrifice?
“I will steal Elly—no, listen to me, I will call her Elly however I
Did he already forget about you?
You grumbled, rolling over to hug your blankets.
“Good, I’m glad we cleared this
up! 5 minutes, Mr. Han, I’m giving you 5 minutes to send her over.”
Fuck, was he trying to get
Elizabeth the 3rd over? Seriously, that wouldn’t really help with
your period pains very much. At all. You didn’t hate her, per say, but you were fucking dying in here.
You mentally counted down 5
minutes, when the doorbell suddenly rang, and you could hear Saeyoung’s
footsteps as he practically flew to the door.
“I’m so glad you’re here! Thank
youuuu!!” You could hear him exclaim.
“MC?” a soft, feminine voice
called out to you from the doorway.
Your eyes snapped open, “Jaehee?!
I thought you were Elizabeth the 3rd!”
Her eyes twinkled with
amusement. “Now, why would you think that? I wasn’t aware that spending so much
time cat-sitting had resulted into my transformation into a cat.”
“N-no.. never mind.” It was
always hard to explain Saeyoung’s antics. “Why are you here?”
“Seven called Mr. Han to demand
that I came to help. I’m very glad to (get away from Jumin) be of help,
MC. I brought some painkillers, some hot soup and a few bags of tea for you to
drink over the next few days. It should help somehow,” Jaehee explained,
holding up a small plastic bag that you hadn’t noticed before.
From behind her, you noticed
Saeyoung peeking nervously from the doorway, his eyes teared up as he stared at
your weakened form.
“Thanks, Jaehee. And Saeyoung,
you can come in, you know…” you said.
“B-but!! I’m a pure girl,
darling, what if I get the curse of periods too?!” Saeyoung whined, shaking his
….That’s what he was worried about?
“Seven… Periods are not
contagious,” Jaehee deadpanned.
He was always prepared when it
was your time of the month—even more than you were! He couldn’t help it. For the
majority of his relationship with Rika, he’d been doting on her, doing anything
and everything he could for her. Old habits die hard.
“MC, maybe you shouldn’t be
wearing white underwear… it’s almost your time of the month, isn’t it?” he
called out as he was cooking breakfast, glancing at you from the corner of his
“W-wha?” you yawned. You were
only wearing one of his shirts and some panties, but then you realized the
date. “Oh, you’re right!”
By the time you went to change,
you’d already seen the faintest taint of pink on your underwear. Fuck. How many have you ruined by now?
…Too many to count.
It took a couple hours before the
pain started to kick in.
Considering this was a reoccurring
pattern, V already knew what to do and when to do it.
“MC, honey, I prepared a hot
bath for you… Would you like to be alone, or shall I join you?” he asked,
checking in on you.
“Nng… I can’t really walk right
now, sorry,” you replied, hugging a heating pouch to your lower stomach.
He chuckled in return, “Then I’ll
carry you there. Perhaps I should strip you, too?” He winked jokingly.
If this had been a normal day,
you would’ve taken the chance to jump at him (because V’s hot and a sweetheart) but no, your cramps
were killing you today. So no. No sinning today, MC.
He fed you chocolate as you sunk
into your bath, letting the heat relax your muscles, significantly easing your
cramps. He helped to wrap you in a towel, making sure you were warm.
By the time you went to bed, the
cramps had more or less gone away for the night, and you happily snuggled into
his chest, feeling comfortable, relaxed and loved.
When he finished his morning
shower, he found you groaning in pain on the bed, hugging a pillow tightly.
He snickered, “Was I too hard on
you last night? I didn’t realize it was that bad…”
You shook your head, correcting
him, “I’m on my periodddd…”
Immediately, his smile dropped.
What the fuck?
“What… what is that supposed to
mean?” he furrowed his eyebrows cutely, looking at you with pure confusion.
“I’m bleeding from my vagina,
what else?” you rolled your eyes, deadpanning.
“Erm. Oh,” he stated in
surprise. “Does… does ice cream help?”
“Ice cream doesn’t solve
He frowned, not knowing what to
do. Instead, he crawled into bed next to you. “Well, uhm, I don’t really know
what to do… but, whenever I’m not feeling well, your hugs really help me, so if
you don’t mind, I’m just going to cuddle with you… okay?”
You flashed a small smile at
him, inwardly gushing at how adorable he was. “Of course!”
He smiled back with a hint of
relief that he was doing something right. “Tell me if you need anything, okay?”
“And what if I said I only need
you?” you joked.
He plants a soft kiss on your
forehead. “I’m the one who needs you. Please feel better soon…”
“I deleted your number from my phone month and months ago so that I wouldn’t text you in the late night. I know you sleep well, and fully throughout the night, and you grew sad and distanced yourself each morning you woke to find my frustration, years too late. I unfriended you on Facebook because you liked all the posts I put up, the happy ones, the good ones, the fun ones. I trained my brain to forget your last name. I taught myself not to think of your eyes. Or the shape of your collar bones. I now can proudly say I don’t think of you late at night when I stare at the light coming in my bedroom windows.”
I’m trying to slow time, and stay still enough so that I don’t wreck anything. That I don’t turn any of the good let in my life into something negative.
I’m writing everything down lately. Because I don’t trust my memory to catch all the good and bad. It’s like a recently mended net, about to test it’s new strength.
I hate writing K’s and G’s in my handwriting. I like writing L’s and S’s. I bought a spray bottle at the dollar store and filled it up with water and eucalyptus essential oil. I’ve been burning lavender incense and spraying my pillows with the eucalyptus water. I’ve rearranged my bookcase, and listened to an old FM radio. I searched for a station that didn’t have commercials for about 20 mins. My internet had been down some 24 hours at that point and I just needed a little something in my ears.
I’ve been gone 11 days, and now my cats don’t leave me alone. They come, twirling and dancing between my feet as I walk around surveying this apartment I missed. Each tiny and large thing put in a place that feels right, at least for now.
In college I would repaint my studio apartment’s walls in the middle of the night because I needed a bit of a change. I would rearrange pillows, shelves and furniture because it felt better thinking about how I’d never been kissed. How I’d never known the touch of a trusted lover. Now I do it because it feels good to seek and find solace and comfort here, away from the world outside.
I’m not sorry that I’ve allowed certain men take root in my memories. Idaho with his grumbling, growling, and breathtaking smile, his declarations. Brown eyes with the way his mouth moved when he talked and his tattoos, and his love of achingly soft music. The midwest gent for his attentive nature, patience, and his stoicism. My southern best friend who made me laugh like no other, with goofy memorable moments of pride and care, his strength. My contractor ex, nationally ranked rugby boyfriend who lived in the Poconos and who made me feel delicate, womanly, but who trusted me with a hammer and power tools. The tall gangly boy who grew into a handsome man, one night to take my hand late at night in his sports car only to whispered beautiful words of praise besides a lake under the moonlight some miles later.
But that’s because I sometimes forget the bad associated with each. Or the bad I brought to them.
I’m sitting on the floor, my legs have fallen asleep and I know I should shed my clothes and crawl into my bed. I should make a list of all I want to accomplish tomorrow, and I should, I should, I should, I should.
I think I’ll soak in the tub, or change my sheets and get into bed and play a song that starts slow and sad, but builds in my chest like road trip views where you get surprised by a great landscape after the same sad thing miles and miles. Just one more hill. Just one more hike, one more mile, until you’re closer. I’m closer.
Everyday, I am thankful for those who have loved me, and who have allowed me to love them, even if it wasn’t enough for either of us in the long run. Because I’m learning to love myself more, and more. Learning to call myself out on my bullshit. Learning that exciting things happen every day, that I can make exciting things happen, worthwhile things.
That one day, doesn’t matter how soon, all these memories, all this growth will mean a more successful relationship with another extraordinary person. With my extraordinary person. Who will grow with me. That will take me as I am, a person capable of greatness, even if that greatness is just great according to each of us, and the small things I do to affect others positively.
I just have to breathe in, make several small movements that turn into larger ones, exhale, then do it all over again.
Disclaimer: This isn’t a request, but an idea that came to me a while ago, and I felt I needed to complete it. Fighting and fluffy smut ensues, enjoy 💙
It’s a silence that takes shape around you like a fog, thick and unforgiving. It causes you to think, your mind utterly wild and roiling like a tsunami tide. “This is it Y/n. I can feel it.” Bill never says the same thing twice but every single time it’s a variation of the same sentence.
You’d been to fertility clinics all over the country and it was always the exact same story: “I am incredibly sorry to tell you this,” The doctors sullen voice cuts through the stillness like a shrill bell. “But it is virtually impossible for you to conceive children.” Bill squeezes your hand under the mahogany table like a vice grip, as if his strength will lend itself to your irreparable uterus and the next day a baby will be found there. You watch, bleary-eyed as the doctor leans back in his leather chair, pushing his wire rimmed glasses farther up the bridge if his nose. “There are other options…” He drones on, over and over, a broken record playing in the background of your mind like a dismal soundtrack.
You think you’re all cried out until you’re stopped at a red light and Bill turns to you to say, “He’s right love, there are other options.” You knew there were; you weren’t blind to the notion that there were plenty of adoptable children, plenty of women willing to home your baby in their belly for nine months… you just couldn’t comprehend the fact that you couldn’t give Bill the one thing he had pined for from the moment you said I do. They are silent, wracking tears. Rivers of saltwater cascading down your face and before you know it, your nose is running without pause, you can’t breathe and you’re hyperventilating. Bill is silent, he’s been down this road time and time again and he’s been turned away at the chance of being a father too many times to count. The anguish in that revelation itself is visceral.
When you have composed yourself enough that you can halfheartedly get a breath of air in, you simply say that you’re sorry.
dan spoke again about how he has been bullied and mistreated in the past, and mentioned (a little bit) about his family.
he talked about his past in therapy, and his problems with his own identity and how to deal with it.
he gave tips on ways to practice self care, while relating it to himself and what he has personally been through.
the whole thing just had this really nice aura of it gets better, and i really admire how he was able to do that.
that whole video, to me at least, was just another indication that dan howell is getting stronger. it’s been more and more evident this year, but i don’t think that’s when it began. i think it began a while ago.
some other things that have changed this year:
talking more openly about sexuality/gender
talking more openly about his relationship with phil
all of this means that he has made a conscious decision to like himself, even a little bit. i don’t know if it was a sudden realization or gradual, but it’s there. and the fact that he made a video giving us advice and letting us know a little more of his story just proves that.
dan has been through some shit. some of it i’m sure he won’t even ever tell us about. but he has been able to drag himself out of the ashes and start an amazing life for himself, and that’s really inspiring.
yes, okay, phil is definitely part of his recovery and growth. but no one can do that without consciously trying. dan did that. dan decided to change himself for the better, and i’m so proud of him for it.
one thing he said really hit me and last night i kept thinking about it (i literally couldn’t sleep it was fun): i am who i am despite this thing holding me back.
so i don’t know if it’s the exact case but if you take a disease like depression and apply it to a curly headed boy with freckles and a bit of chub who’s a little bit gay…..
it makes a lot of sense.
so we’re proud of you, dan! although you might not be fully over it or over whatever bad thoughts are in your mind, you’ve made it pretty far. you’ve made lots of progress, and we’re all proud of you.
Tags are at the bottom. As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated.
Kicking the covers off, you give up. Dean has been tossing and turning all night, and you can’t take it anymore.
Crossing to the other bed, you shake Sam gently. “Mmm…” he answers.
“Sam,” you say, shaking harder, “Sam, scoot over.”
He rolls over onto his side and you climb into his bed. When the three of you had to share a room, you always opted to sleep with Dean. Sam tends to take up the entire bed with his massive frame. Dean isn’t much better, but you still end up with a little more room in his bed.
Sam rolls back over onto his other side, snoring softly. Dean moans incoherently in his sleep from the other side of the room. You’re not sure if bunking with Sam is an improvement in your sleeping conditions, but eventually, you drift off to sleep.
hc: when dick's really stressed he will literally last on an hour or two of sleep a night and neglect to eat like, real meals. i know ur as much of a sucker for dick grayson fluff as i am, i just love the idea of his sibs being like "youre so stupid how are you still alive, even tim eats power bars before patrol and catches catnaps when he's not working on something, why are you like this"
“It’s okay. I’m used to it.” with Dick please?
So, sorry I took a few days to get to this headcanon. I kind of ended up turning into a 3k+ story. Hope that’s okay. Also, this is more hurt/comfort than angst, I think. There’s some fluff right there in the middle, too.
Thanks to @timdrakeothy, because without you, I don’t know if I would have had the inspiration to continue this story. I was very stuck, and you helped out without even knowing it. So thanks!
Also, thank for 500
followers (it’s almost 600 now, but I meant to get a milestone fic out ages ago when I hit 500)!
Tim freezes, because he’d thought
he’d just heard—that’s Dick’s voice coming from down the hallway. Which means
that Dick is still awake. At four in the morning. After rough patrol that had
lasted hours longer than usual.
Well, that doesn’t spell anything good,
Tim thinks, and he creeps down the hallway to peek into Dick’s bedroom through
the small crack letting soft light spill into the hallway. Tim spots Dick
immediately, and he’s lying on the floor, one hand covering his eyes and the
other holding his phone to his ear.
Dick says vehemently, but he’s really still and tense. He sounds exhausted,
though, and his next words come out much softer than that first one. “No. I’m
fine. Don’t—No, Wally. It’s okay. I’m used to it.”
Dick goes silent, and Tim imagines
that Wally’s talking up a storm, even at four am. But then—
“Just—chill, Wally,” Dick says into the phone. “If you don’t stop yelling
at me, I’m going to hang up. And then if you still want to yell at me you’ll
have to find a way into the manor without Bruce finding out. So just—No. No.”
There’s a pause, and Tim thinks
that he should probably start moving. This doesn’t sound like a conversation he
wants to be in the middle of. He’s just about to creep down the hallway again
towards his original destination—the
kitchen, where he’d accidentally left his laptop—when another bedroom door
opens from behind him. Tim turns around just as Damian storms out, stomping
down the hall towards Tim.
is going on?” Damian hisses, doing that thing where he thinks he’s the boss of
everything and Tim is obligated to answer him. But he looks—well. He looks kind
of concerned, actually, and this is Dick.
“He and Wally are arguing about
something,” Tim says, nodding towards Dick’s bedroom, where Dick’s conversation
had turned up a couple of notches. “I don’t think he’s tried to sleep tonight,