I ordered Jimmy Johns and it took the delivery man 5 minutes and 1 second to bring me my food and he showed up with a katana and my sandwich and said “I’m so sorry, I’ve gone over my time promise, please, dispose of me, I am worthless” and handed me the katana and I was like “yo what, I don’t care dude, go back to your work it’s fine” and he was like “THEN BOSS WILL DISPOSE OF ME YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I BROKE THE PROMISE” and then cops showed up and started shooting at him and was like “YOU’RE TOO KIND LADY, HE MUST DIE, ITS A LAW.” and then one cop started swinging the katana at his neck then I woke up
you know those photo series that are like “In The Running For The Next Spiderman/Young Han Solo/Bachelor/Prince Eric/Property Brother”
and it’s just like nine generically handsome brunet white men that might all be Henry Cavill or might all be Matt Bomer or might all be the photogenic runner guy from 2012 for all we know but it’s impossible to tell because they are just so generic?
and you know how nobody really remembers what Moist von Lipwig (slash Albert Spangler where applicable) actually looks like, they just remember the gold hat, or the glasses, or the bountiful ear hair?
what I want is an adaptation where Moist, whenever he’s being an anonymous face or The Man in the Golden Suit or Albert Spangler, is played by a series of generically handsome brunet white men who are swapped out shot-to-shot.