like it was pretty good

okay, i don’t hate kids. i think they’re sort of funny. i like that you can talk to them like an adult and they’ll make sounds like they understand. i taught one kid “phosphorescence” and he looked at me and said, “they could just call it glowing if it means something that glows.” the kid undid the entire science community in one sentence.

but i hate kids.

or really, i hate how they’ve always been expected from me.

when i was five i was given “babies.” i hated the hardness of dolls, disposed of them for dramatic stories between stuffed animals. i knew how to wrap, feed, and care for a baby before i could spell my last name. when i was nine i was already “watching the kids”. i was only four years older than my cousins were. i wanted to go out and play. instead i was expected to have responsibility. by the time i was thirteen all of my friends had told me about how many children they were going to have in their twenties. 

my hips were “child-bearing” hips. my brother was a scientist, or a fireman, or a steamroller. i was going to make a good housewife, or mom, or nanny, or mom, or mom, or mom.

and when my body hurt, i was told it wasn’t really my body, not really, it belonged to my future children. i couldn’t cut or snip or tie anything; i was trapped by the potential energy that hung above me. a boulder, threatening. i couldn’t get tattoos, because what would i tell my children? i couldn’t kiss a girl, because what would i tell the children? i couldn’t be risky or wild or anything but a lady, because what about the children?

and when i said “i don’t want children” - not biologically, at least, not when cancer and depression and a whole other host of terrible things lives inside me - do you know what they said? “it’ll change, wait and see” “it’s not bad” “you’ll get used to it” “when you meet the right man” “you don’t want to be lonely”.

i don’t hate kids. i’m great with them. 

but then i’m told again that my life will be forfeit to them - something in me snaps angry. “wait until you have kids” “you should travel before you have children” “you’ll be more happy.” 

i hate kids! i’ve snarled. i don’t mean it at all. but god. please, leave me alone. i don’t want to be a biological mom. 

it’s like we’re born with a uterus and told “this is your whole life. your singular purpose. your job.” 

i want to be my own purpose. not here for the sake of passing genes on.

idk man the thing that sucks about not being really pretty is that no matter what you tell yourself and what your friends might say, you sort of always know that you’re just not. and i’m not talking about being stubborn and fishing for compliments, it’s just knowing that you’re not conventionally attractive, that people on the street won’t double-take when you pass by them, that people won’t be flustered trying to talk to you. and i know looks aren’t everything but damn it sure feels like it when you aren’t absolutely gorgeous

“Bad guys don’t deserve to be redeemed” is a boring plot mindset and it’s cancelled forever.

Show me bad guys that think it’s too late to turn their life around, and then turn it around. Show me bad guys that think they’ll never be loved because of the things they’ve done and then give them love and support that makes them feel like it’s worth it to change. Show me bad guys who are bitter, hold grudges, lash out at people, and then make them realize that this Isn’t Working and want more out of their life. Show me bad guys that ask the good guys for help!!

The “villain gets what’s coming to him and is never seen or heard from again” trope is old and played. I want to hear from them again. I want them to ask the good guys to drive them to their first therapy appointment. I want them to struggle through apologies, not because they’re too proud to say “I’m sorry” bc tbh that trope can die too, but because they can’t find the words to make things better and it makes it feel pointless to try.

Make it hard! Make it hurt! Make them question who they are and if change is possible and make them find out that they can be more than the destructive thoughts and behavior they’ve adapted! Make them learn that having bad thoughts doesn’t make you a bad person, and you can choose which thoughts and desires you entertain and act upon. Let the choice to ignore bad thoughts and focus on positive ones become easier over time. And let them feel proud of themselves for it!

Real people struggle with these issues every day and right now the social message is that if you fuck up, you’re scum and you deserve to suffer and you’ll never be more than scum. Real people need to know that you can’t undo the damage of things you’ve done, but you can be better in the future. Real people need to know that you’re not pigeonholed into being a Bad Guy for the rest of your life because you’re a Bad Guy right now.

Nobody “deserves” to be redeemed, it isn’t about “deserving” redemption, it’s about working your ass off not to keep hurting people because you can.

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Matt insisted on putting the glow in the dark stars up. :)

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kingdom hearts appreciation week
↳day three// disney vs original worlds

@thisshouldbegayer‘s Galra Keith to match my Altean Lance.

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Your baking is as good as your dancing

Slytherin: Are you okay?

Ravenclaw: Nope.

Slytherin: Okay, I’ll bite, why?

Ravenclaw: I just like to be prepared, you know? Set yourself up for the worst and then anything otherwise and you’re pleasantly surprised.

Slytherin: You’re never pleasantly surprised by anything.

Ravenclaw: Well, no, because if something good is happening, then something really bad must be about to happen.

Slytherin: And people think I’m the depressing one.

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