like if i had money

Don't pay for a $20 CD, smash your Dad's $250 sunglasses.

This happened in grade 8.  First let me introduce the target; we’ll call him Douchebag.  Douchebag was loud and obnoxious and always walked around like he thought he was the sh*t.  I, on the other hand, was more of a wallflower, quiet and reserved.  

My dad loves buying the newest computer gear, and I was the first kid in school to have a CD-writer.  Back then, blank CDs cost $20 and word got out I could burn stuff for people, all they had to do was pay the cost of the CD.  A few of my classmates would come ask me for favors and I thought sure why not.  One day, along comes Douchebag, asks for a game, and I happily oblige.  He says he can’t pay until later, and since we’re in the same class, where is he going to run away to?  I give him the CD and a week goes by.  He acts like his usual self.  Tired of waiting, I gently asked if he had the money to pay my dad (I wasn’t making money, my dad wasn’t making money, CDs often failed and that was $20 in the trash each time).  He kept making excuses.  Months passed and eventually I gave up.

Now, in grade 8 we have a school trip to another city for three days before we graduate and go to High School.  While we were riding the overnight bus to our destination, Douchebag was being his usual over-the-top cocky self, except this time he was sporting a pair sunglasses.  He made it loudly and annoyingly known to everyone that he borrowed them from his father and that they were worth $250 and that no one is to touch them. The trip was to last three days, and on the final day, the school rented out a party room for everyone to have some fun.  For one of the activities, we were divided into groups and given a song to perform for the rest of the class.  I was placed in douchebag’s group.

The revenge:

Because the party room had dim lights, there was no need for Douchebag to wear his sunglasses and he left them on the table in front of him.  One group ahead of us went up to perform on stage, and Douchebag was just having the time of his life thumping on the table and hootin’ and hollerin’, but unbeknownst to him, he had thumped the table so hard the vibrations pushed his sunglasses off the table and under his feet.  I saw it all, but decided to keep quiet.  Douchebag continues to pound the table, and STAMPING HIS FEET.  All the while I was watching him with a smirk on my face.

Then it’s our turn to perform.  He gets up to go, but before I join them, I take his seat and also step on his glasses a few times for good measure.  After, we get back to the table, and Douchebag realizes his sunglasses are missing.  He freaks out, starts yelling at everyone angrily, accusing people of stealing his glasses.  I suggest maybe they fell off the table.  He finds them.  Bent and broken.  I’m living my life inside but acting surprised on the outside.  He starts crying, saying how his dad is going to kill him.  His friends are all around him trying to comfort him, saying maybe he can find a repair shop before the trip ends.  

I enjoyed the school trip much more after that.

i think one of the only real surprises about being a legal adult is that no one tells you about that particular kind of grossness you feel if you go for long enough without eating a plant of some kind

@americans who are young: 20% is the correct amount to tip your server or delivery person

i say this (and repeat it a lot. probably too much. sorry.) because i know a lot of younger people who are just starting to go places on their own do not know how much they should tip, and i know this because i have heard this dilemma come up sometimes w/ tables of teens i’ve waited on, cause they just don’t know. 

i’m here 4 u teens of america: it’s 20%, unless ur waiter is an asshole (like not bad day asshole but Premium Asshole Asshole) or creepy, in which case it is 15%, dropping appropriately to 10% as their Assholery or Creepiness climbs.

just multiply what your bill is by two and drop the second digit. for example: i spend 15 bux, 15x2 = 30, drop the second digit and the appropriate 20% tip is 3 bux.  or u spent 48 bux, thats like 96, that’s p close to 100 so just tip 10 bux to be Cool. 

if you stay at the table for a long time, also compensate accordingly – servers usually have a limited number of tables that they are given responsibility for (so these five or six tables in the corner are my section, anyone who sits there is my table to take care of) and if you camp out for a long time that can cut into yr servers ability to Make doll4rs and/or Leave Work.

if you know that you’re gonna be catching up w/ an old friend for two hours, you can, honestly, just go “hey i’m planning on chatting w/ my friend for a while, but I know we’re taking up this table, and I’m going to tip extra for your time” and that’ll work out for everyone in the long run. people like to know you’re trying to be respectful of their time + effort. everyone is nice, everyone has a nice good time. 

I often find myself wondering if Jake is okay :/
(ALSO, @richardgoranski Because i legitimately just saw you would love to be tagged in BMC art in general, so here ya go buddy) 

Internal vs External Magic Users

So, I’ve come to find knowing how magic works for each individual can help immensely when it comes to studying and perfecting each person’s form of witchcraft. Everyone tends to be different, and finding out where you stand and how you personally use, store, and/or release energy can help when it comes to visualization. This can, in turn, greatly impact the success rate of each spell, working, or ritual a witch does. Obviously, it’s not an end-all, be-all. However, I’ve found knowing the information can help even just a tiny bit (or a lot, depending on the person.)

Internal vs External

The way energy moves throughout the body is a great way to start understanding how you can use and manipulate your own in your everyday life as well as in your practice. There are hundreds of different types of paths for energy to go, but for the most part, the two largest categories are: internal and external.

Internal

Internal energy pathways are self-explanatory. Typically, these people were born during the day and possess power from within their own bodies. They have a connection with the Sun. Internal is quite common, and these individuals may have to ground and cleanse themselves more than their counterparts. They can be gifted at enchantments, astral work, communing with deity or spirits, etc. Their cores emanate energy, which can be activated with a touch. Touch with the hands, feet, chest, and the top of the head would be ideal as these are their center points of energy. Internal magic users tend to rely on their instincts and intuition and often have extra-sensory abilities. My recommendation: focusing on visualization and using touch-based rituals/spells (sigils, baths, etc.)

Oil to help loosen up the internal energy flow:

  • Olive oil base
  • Sea Salt
  • Amethyst (chips or tumbled)
  • Rosemary (herb or oil form)
  • Yerba Santa, Sage, or Palo Santo

Burn either on a charcoal disk or rub on a candle to breathe it in.

External

External magic users are the lucky ones! Typically born at night, these are those lucky people who could wish for something and have it happen. They have an ability to influence the world from afar, like the Moon. They can trigger changes around them without thinking about it too much. Simply saying things like “I really wish I had some extra money,” might aid them in finding a spare $20 on the street. These are typically the people who can reblog emoji spells, and/or “money cat”-type posts and have a high success rate. Their bodies radiate energy and manipulating it may come naturally to them, to the point where they have no idea they’re doing it. They rely on their intellect and are disciplined, determined, and intelligent. They excel at area of effect rituals, such as wards. Energy manipulation, healing magic, and forms of divination may also be easier for them to master. My recommendation: learning how to manipulate their energy more and using repetitive mindset spells (ie, vision boards. AKA, wishing for something super hard.)

Oil to help loosen up the external energy flow:

  • Coconut oil
  • Lavender (herb or oil)
  • Sea Salt
  • Mint (herb or oil)
  • Selenite (Charge oil with it or add chips. Disclaimer: selenite dissolves in water, so either charge the oil or use pieces you don’t care for.)

Rub on skin, do NOT consume if you add selenite chips as it is unfit for internal consumption. 

I FUCKING MET CHRISTINE AND ELIJAH AND I GAVE CHRISTINE A BADAZZLED NYC HAT AND ELIJAH A CONDUM WITH DONALD TRUMP ON IT THAT SAYS “I’M HUUUGGEEEE” AND ELIJAH THOUGHT IT WAS SO FUNNY HE PUT IT ON HIS STORY AND I TALKED TO THEM FOR A LITTLE WHILE IM SO FUCKING HAPPY THEY’RE THE GREATEST PEOPLE AND ELIJAH WAS SO KIND I COULD TELL CHRISTINE WASNT REALLY HERSELF AND I THINK SHE WAS JUST TIRED AND SHE HATES NYC SO ITS FINE IM JUST BEYOND THRILLED THAT I GOT TO MEET THEM AND ELIJAH ACTUALLY WANTED TO TALK TO ME WE’RE NOW BEST FRIENDS THEY ARE SUCH BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEINGS WOW

I see the “Sport and Robbie adopt and raise Stephanie, Ziggy, Pixel, Stingy, Trixie, &sometimes Rottenella”

and the “Ithro and Glanni raise Sport and/or Robbie (together/separately)” domestic set ups

BUT where’s my fic of Sport and/or Robbie telling Ithro and/or Glanni they’ve practically adopted a bunch of kids and not expecting them to be like “neat, we got one of those too!” And introducing them to this preteen/teen named jives who loves to garden with Ithro and drives Glanni insane with his fashion sense and dirt while also being quite fond of him for some reason.

(And maybe they’re in the process of picking up another stray named Penny who is a cunningly charming girl that has Glanni more wrapped around her finger than not and who Ithro has proudly watched Glanni teach to actively pursue her wants rather than just beg and whine, even if that means Ithro now has to fondly keep their get rich schemes from getting out of hand)

Also acceptable would be if It’s Glanni and/or Ithro who decides to tell Robbie and/or Sport about the kid(s) they’ve found themselves parenting and Robbie and/or Sport are like “You should try raising this many” *gestures to the group of kids actively getting into mischief* and “Oh yeah, that reminds me, did I ever remember to tell you that I have my own kids now? No? Oops, well, to start with there’s 5 of them…”

Also imagine Sportarobbie and Glannithro comparing parenting stories, exchanging advice, and silently competing at who can be the “better dad.”

Robbie and Glanni are totally the dads who find ways to place bets on their kids against each other. Sport and Ithro are the type to find out, act disappointed and reprimand them while secretly also putting bets on their partners and on their kids.

MOSTLY I just want Jives (&penny) included and raised by the glannithro (the forgotten play children for the play versions of sportarobbie)

A thank you to my fellow followers and friends, here and on the Dancetale blog! (We’ve receive over 800 followers!! Thank you!! Seriously. Thank you all.)

Ever since that anon asked me what dances the Underswap crew would dance, I had this idea where there would be this cool dance-off between Pap and Napstabot. I just had to do it!! This was supposed to be a drawing only, but it escalated huhuhu ;v; (youtube)

Underswap: @popcornpr1nce
Dancetale: me!

College au sentence starters

“I found your jeans in my dorm again?”

“I think this is it,my cause of death is going to be finals…”

“What are you majoring in?”

“Listen,I just got back from my four months of finding myself and have no idea what’s going on.”

“I could just take a year off… And then another and another…”

“Do you have change for the vending machine?”

“Jokes on you,I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“Who even makes flash cards? What do they even do?”

“Hahaha,looks like I’m not eating tonight… Just spent what little money I had on notebooks.”

“Dude,it’s a frat party. Who doesn’t go to frat parties?”

“People who need to study tend not to party.”

“I found a kid sleeping under a table in the library.”

“Guess who fell asleep on the kitchen counter again.”

“So…you’re my room mate?”

“It looks like you packed your whole house…”

“I bet your parents go through some really intense empty nest syndrome,huh?”

“Dude,I don’t even know what I’m studying for anymore.”

“Who fucking moved my textbooks!”

“I saw someone watching hardcore porn during psychology today…”

“Listen,I wasn’t even awake in class,I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“One more year and I’m done.”

“When you said you had notes I thought you meant what was taught today…. Not a very descriptive critic of the professor’s eyebrows.”

anonymous asked:

Do you think you could do a "Yoongi as your boyfriend"? I'm not meaning to be rude or flood you with requests. Thanks!

i CAN amen, also you’re not being rude babe don’t worry <3 

Originally posted by queen-of-suburbiaa

  • i feel like he’d be a very supportive boyfriend
  • like you wanna be a doctor? “go for it babe” you wanna be an actor?he’ll be at all your premiers and see the movie opening night 
  • you wanna be an idol? he’s like YES i can help you write songs 
  • so cliche but imagine bringing him food at the studio, he was there for hours and forgot about being hungry until he smells the food 
  • you’re his savior and he gives u a bunch of kisses before digging into his food 
  • he’s super chill so like just hanging out together makes both of you super relaxed and yoongi is so content 
  • he loves sleeping and he loves you so sleeping with you? even better
  • likes being the small spoon 
  • going to a music shop and spending waaaaaaay more money than expected 
  • he’s like “wow if only i had a simple music store job” 
  • you both know he loves being an idol though 
  • watching anime together, sometimes including jungkook or tae 
  • if y’all get into an argument he probably goes and plays basketball to calm down 
  • i think he’d be similar to jimin, wherein he likes talking things out so you’re always on the same page
  • “communication is key”
  • teaches you some of his raps so you don’t sound funny when you’re jamming 
  • writes a song about you a diss track and then is like “hey (y/n)~ can you read these lyrics, i don’t know if they sound good”
  • you already know he’s up to somethin but you read anyway 
  • “yoongi are you blushing” “what no? what’s a blushing?” 
  • he asks if he can use it for bts’ next album and you’re like ya!!!!
  • probably not super clingy but does like attention 
  • doesn’t get super jealous (”i’m min suga they don’t stand a chance against me”) unless the other person is like… really feelin up to you 
  • then he’s like “HI we need switch places (y/n)” 
  • if he’s upset he goes straight to you because he trusts you so much
  • he likes laying his head on your lap and telling you whats wrong so he can see you and talk AND you can play with his hair which just relaxes him
  • when you’re upset he helps you work it out and comforts you 
  • takes you to the studio and plays piano for you 
  • this boy??? is so caring??? 
  • wouldnt talk about you all the time but only because he doesn’t want everyone to know everything about the relationship you two made 
  • making out sooo much 
  • if he’s older than you then he likes you calling him oppa/hyung (y’all know that gif where a fan asked him a question and called him oppa and he’s like “yes i’m yoongi oppa” ??? exactly.) 
  • but if you’re older he asks if you like him calling you noona/hyung 
  • getting another dog because you two don’t want holly being lonely when y’all are gone 
  • unlike popular belief i think yoongi would be very un-lazy in bed 
  • and he’d be open to lots of things, if you wanna try it he’s down but he won’t promise he’ll like it 
  • would love having you on top though 
  • and loves oral, obviously 
  • more so giving oral than receiving
  • LOVES TAKING PHOTOS OF YOU he treasures them and probably has like a binder with just photos of you 
  • not in a creepy wa y though hsfsdkgj
  • practices his rapping while cooking 
  • asks if you’ll sing for demos 

anonymous asked:

Modern AU: Angelica, Eliza, And Peggy's thoughts on traveling

Liza and Peggy have no idea why Angie is so set on bringing Kitty on board. She’s tried to bribe them before. They turned down 10k.

idea for a video game

I have way more ideas for projects than i have time to do them, so i’m throwing out into the abyss an idea for a game i had. 
It’s called Bra Quest
You are an average dude living in a sword-and-sorcery fantasy world. You fall afoul of a sorceress and she turns you into a fantasy game woman with a wildly unrealistic body. You decide to hunt down the sorceress through this world of monsters, but you need to get armour that fits your ridiculous massive boobs. The monsters you kill will give you bounty, which you can exchange for armour. Also when you kill a dragon you can cut open its stomach and steal the clothing off the last princess it ate. The different breastplates will give you different powers and weapons, eg flying or shooting fireballs. The animation will be very silly.  Different sets of armour will be required to solve different levels.  The armour with wings will make you fly from your tits. Some armour has spiky balls on chains that are like tassles. You get a health penalty when you jump or run without your bra on. You also have the option of offering the armuorers sexual favors in exchange for armor but they shoot you down every single time. 

hope you found that amusing to read.  

What do guys get out of telling us shit like, “It’s okay, I know the game. I know you’re only being nice to me because I’m spending money.” “It’s okay, sweetheart. I know you’re just in it for the money,” in like, a reassuring fashion. I had a guy ask me as he was withdrawing money from the ATM for me, “Are you only being nice to me because I’m giving you money?” And when I told him I’m just a nice person he was all “Oh come on, I know the game, I know why you’re here.”

I mean, what do you want me to say? Yes?

Why are men like this?

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄