like i dont think you guys understand how much i was dreading this

Literally how I became happy.

A lot of you guys are always concerned about me because the more that I share, the more you realize I’m a real person with struggles and issues and I’m not 100% okay 100% of the time haha so I just wanna give an update and share some insight on how I’ve been doing and what I’ve been working on.
The hair cut is the visible part. The change is sooooo real. I look like a different person but I seriously FEEL like one. Surface changes: I live in Tennessee. I have short blonde hair. I’ve now dated two guys that I actually loved. I own a house and a car. Before, I lived in California, I had freaking long brown hair, I shared a mini van with four other people, I’d never been on a date and truly questioned whether I’d ever meet anyone that liked me for who I was, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life past like two years into the future and I felt like I would live with my parents forever. So a lot of big things have changed but honestly the biggest changes happened inside with less visible results. You can only see it in my smile and hear it in my words. But really you’ll see it in my actions over the next 12 months. It’s just the beginning.
I honestly don’t know where it came from. The last six years I have been so passive. My life has been happening to me. There have been some breakthrough moments where I learned a lot about myself and my confidence and self love, yes. I had some good times for sure. But as far as knowing what I want and where I wanna go, I was not good at that. I felt SO powerless and began to withdraw more and more, in my friendships, my career, our band, my family, everything. I shared so little each day, I had so few ideas, I didn’t create much, I only wrote when I was really upset or inspired (which wasn’t that often), I had no social life, no vision for myself, no confidence that anyone would ever love me and I just wasn’t living a rich life at all. I was an observer hoping that one day someone or something would come along and make my life actually enjoyable. I was constantly waiting. I journaled a lot and released a lot of emotion, that part was good. I just felt like I was living in a cave, stuck in the past, not doing much each day to actually experience life.
Then we moved across the country. *shock* *panic* *whoa*. That was the first time I was really shaken up.
Then I had my heart broken. Twice. I fell in love and both times it didn’t work out. I NEEDED that, to meet people who actually got me and appreciated my personality and loved all my quirks and my strange mind and how childlike I am. For the first time I felt understood. I wouldn’t change a thing. I was so closed off for so long and suddenly I was ripped open. Someone was asking for my time and attention and I had to give it to them. I was so scared but I really wanted to experience that side of life so I had to let those people see me and experience who I was. It was so good for me omg. I felt like my heart was shriveled and frozen before that, it had seen the sun maybe three times, but once that happened it absolutely bloomed. Not everyone has to fall in love to open their heart but for me that’s how it happened.
Anyway it was really intense and pushed me to the edge, dealing with that loss. I cut off all my hair. I just had enough. I was so drained. I had felt so vulnerable throughout my dating experiences, such a long period of trusting and hoping after so many years of doing the opposite, I guess I became a little over exposed. I pictured myself feeling tough and strong after a particularly intense weekend of fighting and I saw myself with no hair. It was kind of a crazy idea at first but it turned into a real desire. After a few days of thinking it over, I took the plunge.
What. A. Rush.
Suddenly I just wanted to feel alive. I went a little overboard but I did so many things. Concerts, road trips, bonfires, social plans nonstop, shopping, reinventing my style… I was really hurting during this time and I just wanted to feel better. I don’t regret doing so much but I’m glad I came down after a month and examined myself. I realized how much I was hurting and I faced it. I felt scared, hurt, abandoned, broken and vulnerable but it was comforting to identify that. Once you face it, you can feel it, release it and eventually let it go.
In October I realized I wanted more. I actually had dreams. Cutting my hair showed me I could have an idea, see it through and that it could actually go well! I wanted that on a bigger scale. I started writing again, all the time. I took an interest in my appearance again. Before, I just wanted people to think I’m pretty. Of course I still do but now it’s so much more than that. It actually is for me. When my outfit/makeup/overall look matches my mood, I feel so much more confident, comfortable with myself and ready to take on the day. Even in my work out clothes, I always try to coordinate them now and make them feel good because I know I just do more with my day when I feel confident and ready to put myself out there. You don’t need to look perfect AT ALL, in fact sometimes that can cause more stress because it puts more pressure on you. Just take the time to put yourself together and feel GOOD about what you’re wearing each day. It seriously makes a huge difference. And especially DO NOT wear anything that makes you feel bad. GET RID OF IT!!!! All your clothes should make you feel cute in some way.
Idk how this happened but I kind of just realized nothing is a big deal. The way I used to live, EVERYTHING was a HUGE deal. Texting a guy? Leaving the house? Spending 30 dollars? Calling someone first? All terrifying things I dreaded and avoided at all costs. I had to work through so much INTENSE anxiety when I first started dating, it was really sad how much that freaked me out and how much I had to work through just to get to a point where I felt comfortable going on one date or being the object of a man’s attention. I felt so incredibly unworthy.
Anyway, maybe it was the hair cut but sometime around then I just became really bold. Right now I feel like almost nothing scares me. My biggest fear is probably trusting people that have hurt me. That’s one thing I can think of that I’m struggling with and truly terrifies me, trying to rebuild broken relationships. I’m having help working through that. Other than that, there are so few things I won’t try, won’t pursue, won’t say to someone. I am becoming more bold, confident, comfortable in my own skin and sure of myself with each passing second. I just feel GOOD. Nothing is that big of a deal! Seriously force yourself to take more risks and you’ll quickly understand what I mean. You can spend weeks, months, even years fearing things and trying to predict what will happen but once you finally do them you’ll see just how unnecessary all that stress was. Nothing is that hard, that daunting, that permanent. Heck, even tattoos can be removed these days.
I think that was the biggest change of all so far: the removal of fear. Fear used to be the gas in my tank, it absolutely fueled me. Now it’s faith. I am so ON FIRE for my life!!!!!! I have so many exciting dreams I want to pursue, so much I want to create, so many places I want to go, things I want to experience, learn, master, people I want to meet and be around….. I love it all. I decide what I want and I go after it. I look at myself in the mirror and I smile. I’m starting to look as bold and unique as I feel. The long hair was beautiful and fun and maybe one day I’ll want it back but for now, it just feels too plain for how colorful and out of the box my mind is. I always used my mind a lot but I wasn’t exploring it much before. Now that I’m embracing my unconventional brain, I just want to express that openness and share it with the world.
Also I’ve noticed I’m getting disappointed comments from traditional, conformist men I never wanted to date anyway that used to love my hair 😂 so no offense but I was never interested in you anyway, there are soooooo many long haired women in the world you can comment on that you’ll probably never even meet but i’m just one less you need to worry about hahaha. All of the bold men that liked me before just like me more now. And I think it’s because I also like myself more! Confidence attracts confidence! I’m growing into the baller I was born to be and it’s just helping me attract more ballers 😂😂
BTW THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING LONG HAIR OR A MORE SIMPLE STYLE I FULLY SUPPORT IT. YOU DONT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON OR LIVE A WILD UNCONVENTIONAL LIFE TO BALL OUT ON EVERYONE THATS JUST HOW I CHOOSE TO DO IT HAHA. EVERYONE IS A BALLER IN THEIR OWN WAY I EMBRACE AVERAGE LOOKING PEOPLE AND WILD LOOKING PEOPLE, AS LONG AS YOURE LIVING A LIFE YOU LOVE AND CHOOSING WHAT TRULY FULFILLS YOU!!!!!!!!!!! WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE JUST LIVE IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT 🙌🏼
Anyway, I feel so much more confident in myself, men or no men. It’s funny cuz I finally stopped worrying about guys and now I actually interact with them the way I always wanted to hahaha.
I no longer rely on the approval of others to get through the day. I no longer feel paralyzed by fear every morning and night. I no longer ponder whether I’m worthy of a date or not. I no longer look in the mirror and sigh. I no longer think of the future as a blurry grey blob filled with hopelessness, uncertainty and fear. I know it will be whatever I make it and I am going to make it freaking phenomenal.
That’s a huge key, putting YOURSELF in the drivers seat. Forget this message of victimization. You are the person holding yourself down but YOU can be the one to lift yourself up!!!! Wow I just got a huge craving for meat loaf and mashed potatoes. HAHAHA. Anyway, put yourself in control. Ask God for guidance. Trust that you are taken care of always because YOU ARE. Embrace yourself. Stop thinking you have to be perfect. Stop thinking you’re unlovable. Realize how cool you are and how much you have going for yourself. Jump in and try things. Stop thinking you have to be “ready”. THE LESSONS OF FAILURE ARE FAR MORE VALUABLE THAN THE PRIZES OF SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!
On that note, go kill it. Embrace yourself. Blossom. Live. Come alive. You got this 👊🏼💗

anonymous asked:

i love your blog but tbh i dont get the whole dreads thing. i mean im black and honestly for me this is just a hairstyle. 2 of my white friends wear dreads and theyre like the sweetest people ive ever met and they look so great with them!! my parents moved so we dont live in an area with other black people so maybe i was raised in a different way.i love that our world changed so much that i can live my life like everyone else but i think people are trying too hard and are triggered by everything

Your experience as a black person does not diminish how other black people feel about the subject. It’s probably because of the environment you were raised in that you feel this way and I won’t dog you for it but that doesnt mean everyone else is trying hard to be “triggered”.

I was actually reading your message with a very open mind until the last part. Here I’ll tell you a little story. 

Believe it or not I totally understand how you feel, why? Because I was raised in two different environments. For exactly half of my life I lived in africa and grew up in an environment where I wasnt “other”, my hairstyle was the norm and so were my clothes. Therefore when I first learned about people complaining about people who weren’t Africans appropriating African clothes I always rolled my eyes and wondered “why are you guys so extra? it’s just clothes”. 

Then I moved to the United States, not only was I made fun of for speaking my native language but people always commented on my outfits and my hairstyles. As a young child this is emotionally damaging. There is a reason these memories have stuck with me despite having been a mere child. I closed myself up and till today I suffer from social anxiety. I went from an extroverted child to someone who didn’t even dare to raise my hands in class or talk to my classmates. The effects of how people are treated because of how they are perceived have a lasting effect on them.  

Now when I see the same people who once laughed at me wearing things from my culture which I felt pressured to stop practicing because of the way I was treated for practicing it just because it’s “cool” it angers me because not only are they using my people as a way of profiting but they’re just doing it as a fad, while I as a person who IS the culture had to hide myself. Of course if they would actually advocate for the treatment of children like me, and live in my home country where my people gave it to them, I would totally be fine with it, hell I’m planning on getting all my friends stuff from my home country as a gift but that’s me deciding to give it them and me being like girl you betta go.

I wouldn’t mind the dread thing, or the african article thing if we were being treated equally and none of us suffered due to what we wear on our heads or bodies, sadly that’s not the world we live in therefore it’s something to complain about.

anonymous asked:

why is it we dont see many watelanders who practice pre war religions (or religious folk in general) in previous games, but it feels very pervasive in fallout 4? especially in regards to christianity.

You know, I was one step away from giving up and just writing down what little I knew, but then Fallout 1 happened and new interesting details kept popping up. I am really glad that I have delayed this response, I hope you will forgive me :)

So,

Religion in Fallout

It’s a complicated topic, and I’ve dreaded the moment someone would come to me and ask what I think about it. The biggest question, of course, is whether or not common wasteland people understand the concept of Christianity. Do they practice it? Do they even know what the word means? Do they have any idea of how pre-war people saw it? Do they have religious beliefs at all, for heaven’s sake?

After playing Fallout 1 I came to the conclusion that religion and the way people perceive it changed over the 200 years. In New Vegas, in “modern” Fallout times, people live more or less “civilized”. No weird beliefs, a pragmatic world view, pretty normal settlements (except for Novac) . Well, In Fallout 1, almost every faction is a cult.

I am not exaggerating. Let’s take a look on the factions of this game. We have: the Brotherhood of Steel, the Followers of the Apocalypse, the Khans (along with the Vipers and Jackals) , the Blades, the Children of the Cathedral, the Gun Runners; among the settlements especially Shady Sands is interesting.

So, some of these factions are pretty well-known. I now understand that I haven’t known them at all.

The Brotherhood seems like a pretty pragmatic bunch - yeah, a bit too fixated on their damn technology, and yes, with an unhealthy view of authority and a bit crazy, but you wouldn’t call them a cult. Well, maybe not in Fallout 3 or New Vegas, but in Fallout 1 they keep talking about their “holy armor” and treat it with the same respect tribes would treat their totems.There are a lot of things they say that makes it clear that they have some kind of sacred and religious relationship with their power armor. 

“The sacred armor is so finely constructed to such exacting specifications that it feels like an extension of the blessed one’s own body […] I would feel diminished without my holy armor”.

Yes, this is how they see it. They’re a lot more cultist in the first game than one might expect. I wonder what the “blessed one” is, too.

Most of us know the Followers of the Apocalypse as these good guys that help people and spread knowledge. Nothing cultist about them in New Vegas - they’re more like the Red Cross of the wasteland. Except that they keep saying these weird things that make them sound like very passionate church goers. 

“Glorious Day to you”.

”All knowledge is holy”.

“Knowledge of our enemies will help us prevail”.

Nicole herself brings a lot of typical religious phrasing into her speeches and mentions the “sanctity of their library”. The Vault Dweller can ask her “what they worship, not what they do or believe in.

The Children of the Cathedral are nut jobs and the whole wasteland knows that, but the hate the Followers hold towards them makes the whole situation look like a fight between two cults. It’s like I’m witnessing another one of those gang shootings, except this time they are very passionate believers.

Honestly, the fact that they have a cross as a symbol makes so much sense now.

The Blades, that live just outside of Adytrum and are referred to as a gang, look more like a tribe, really. There’s also a guy in their hide-out that surrounded himself with various bottles of Nuca-Cola and preaches to his people, trying to bring them to understand the true meaning of this drink (he’s also very upset about the fact that they ran out of diet cola). Gun Runners used to be a gang and now live in their little, secure and closed-off community. Shady Sands is a whole new level of weird, to be quite honest. Because even though they are a settlement, and cannot be considered a cult, they have some attributes that just make you think of tribes and religions and cults and such. In the middle of the town they have this weird monument standing:

Personally, it reminds me of the Hammurabi Codex, but that might be just me. There are some similarities though. And I can’t possibly be the only one that finds this town map really confusing.

It’s not so much the map itself as it is the fact that it looks so Egyptian and Mesopotamic. Why? Why would a post-war village located in former California hold such antique vibes and have so many similarities with these ancient cultures?

And the possibly best part is “Dharma”.

Katharina: “Dharma watched over me”.

Dharma appears to be the deity settlers in Shady Sands believe in. It isn’t entirely clear who or what it is, but in our world Buddha’s teachings are called dharma as well. It is also used to refer to other old-world Indian belief systems, including Hinduism, Jainism, and Sikhism. I realize that it has very little to do with Egypt and Mesopotamia, but it’s still weird.

This, as far as I can tell, is as close as the world of Fallout 1 comes to modern religions. The fact that Shady Sands reveres a deity that is possibly related to Buddhism, raises a whole lot of questions. First of all, why Buddhism? How did it happen that the group that emerged from Vault 15 practices this religion? Why not the more common Christianity? The vault experiment was all about putting four very different groups of people in one bunker to see what was going to happen. If they are revering a certain Dharma, is it possible that the vault dwellers that have been put in Vault 15 already had beliefs similar to the ones of the Shady Sands settlers? If so, what was the reasoning behind choosing these people and not the more common Christians?

Second group of questions is all about which consequences it might have had in the future NCR. Shady Sands being the capital of the Republic and its cultural, historical and political heart, should have a major impact on people’s lives - and in this case I mean cultural impact. I would expect that a religion that is practiced in a place that later starts to grow and grow and grow until it is big enough to be considered a country and a nation, will become pretty common - even among those, whose parents haven’t been born in Shady Sands. So, what now? Can it be assumed that many NCR troopers know what Dharma is and believe in this god, maybe even know only of this one god? Is this the common religion in the NCR territory, especially in the areas that have been part of the Republic for a long time now? The places we visit in Fallout 1, for example.

It’s something to consider. Of course, modern NCR citizens seem to be less religious, or at least, don’t show it so much. Which makes sense, because the NCR isn’t a small semi-tribal community anymore. Anyways, here, look at what Shady Sands settlers are supposed to look like:

I really wanted to show it.

Dharma brings me to the topic of mono- and polytheism. Obviously, the citizens of Shady Sands are monotheistic, but what about other settlements? There’s at least one city that has multiple gods - Adytrum.

Jon Zimmerman, the town “major” (who has, in fact, zero authority) tells the Vault Dweller that “they are a humble, god fearing town” - but if the player agrees to help him, he cries out “Thank the gods”. Unfortunately, he doesn’t tell more. But I believe it is safe to say that people outside of Shady Sands tend to believe in multiple gods, although I’m not saying that it can be automatically applied to every settlement.

Point is that the religious beliefs of the wastelanders (in Fallout 1) vary greatly - from monotheistic to polytheistic, from Dharma to power armor. The important thing is, that 80 years after the bombs dropped, nearly every community is religious in some way - even if they aren’t a cult. The interesting question is, why it isn’t Christianity that made a comeback after the apocalypse. Why aren’t Fallout’s people believing in the same god that has already been well-known and loved by the people of pre-war America?

One possible explanation would be that people grew disillusioned in Christianity after the world was literally destroyed, but I’m not really buying that. Continuing to worship a god that already exists is a lot easier than coming up with new ones. Besides that, every time in our history that a major religion has changed, it was because another god has replaced them. It’s always a nation preaching and confirming other people in their beliefs, or conquering new lands and making people worship another god forcefully - it’s always one god dying and being replaced by another one. We do not see that in Fallout 1. Instead of that, we have multiple cults, different religions, ranging from Nuca-Cola worship to the Master’s plans. The only way I see that happening is if the Old America was, for the most part, atheistic.

In current times, it wouldn’t be hard to find a bible and read everything you need to know about Christianity - there are the churches, the motels, the prisons, all of them should be stocked with bibles. I don’t know if pre-war America was the same, but if so, it didn’t help Christian beliefs to stay as prevalent as they are in our times. Which makes sense, if you ask me.

The U.S.A. has been incredibly advanced in regards to technology. Two things should be considered here: 

  1. as science advances, religion becomes less important. That’s a common development. 
  2. the stuff that the old U.S. government did - all these experiments with human subjects, the merging of different living beings (think of Big Empty) - would have been impossible in a very religious country. Protests would have to be expected. 

So, either religion was naturally replaced by science, or the U.S. government made some extra effort to repress religion, and turn the church into a very insignificant player. Or maybe both. Either way, it seems reasonable to assume that pre-war America was, for the most part, atheistic, which is why so many small and new religions started popping up after the war.

But that’s the state of the world 80 years after the Great War. What about modern Fallout times?

I can’t say anything about Fallout 2, since I haven’t played it yet, but that might be unnecessary anyways. What’s important is that by the time of New Vegas the NCR has turned into a nation, and people of the Mojave Wasteland seem to be living in towns and cities - not as cults. It seems, that a natural development took place, during which cults died out. The NCR citizens culturally merged together - whether Dharma remains a known deity remains to be discussed. But the people of Adytrum, the Blades, the people of Shady Sands are one nation now. If they kept living as cults, they would have never managed to form a republic.

The East coast is a bit different though.

The Capital Wasteland didn’t undergo the same kind of development the West Coast went through. Even after 200 years it remains a desolate wasteland without any kind of government. Which is probably why there are more religions and cults there, than are in the Mojave and the NCR.

In Fallout 3, we hear of a certain Abbey of the Road that is located somewhere west of the Commonwealth - we know this from Marcella who happens to be one of the missionaries of this Christian church. I am going to take a guess here, that if a missionary can come as far as to the Capital Wasteland, they sure as hell actively roam the Commonwealth and convert people into their beliefs.

Unlike the Capital Wasteland, the Commonwealth is more organized, and has big important cities. This way, it is much easier for the Christian missionaries to preach and teach their religion and actively bring the word of god to Commonwealth citizens. I don’t think we saw or heard of them in Fallout 4, but it’s a fact that they exist and live somewhere in the Commonwealth area. I think this is how and why people living in this area know of Christianity more than most wastelanders.

And this is the answer to you initial question, I suppose. I talked too much about other things, but I wanted to draw the whole picture and show how I think religions in Fallout developed and why they are the way they are in different areas and timelines.

As usual, a small summary at the very end:

1. Almost every community in Fallout 1, 80 years after the war, has some kind of non-Christian cult.

2. This happened because pre-war America was, for the most part, atheistic. Otherwise people would have continued to preach Christianity - a religion that seems to be almost nonexistent in the world after the war.

3. Shady Sands settlers practice some derivation of Buddhism. Which means that Buddhism might be one of the main religions in the NCR.

4. The Capital Wasteland is somewhere on the developmental level of Fallout 1 California, which is why they still have so many different religions and cults.

5. The Commonwealth is different because a) they are more organized and developed and b) there is a Christian church west of the Commonwealth that sends missionaries to preach their religion.

6. This is why Christianity is more prevalent in the Commonwealth.

Meeting the team

Originally posted by moriles44

request : Hey girl! I’d love to see a Morgan Reilly story about him meeting you through Insta and him introducing you to the team? The reader can be shy at first but gets sassy as she gets comfortable? Looking forward to seeing your writing! Feel free to take this wherever you want 😊😊

authors note: at one point i though connor was freddie and freddie was conner even though they dont look alike idk im sleepy have a good night yall 😂😂😂

warning: none 

————————————-

It was a sunny day in Toronto Canada, when  Morgan decided to ask you this big question. You and  Morgan have been dating  for over 3 months, so things were getting kind of serious for you. You originally met Morgan through Instagram by one  of your friends that he grew up with. After your friend introduce you two, you guys hit it off. Everything was so much easier when talking to Morgan. He made light of serious situations, he was open-minded, funny ,smart and just all-around good guy. This was one of the many reasons why you were nervous when he asked you to meet his team. You were sitting in the kitchen having a normal morning ,getting ready for work and school As usual, while Morgan  got his bag ready for practice.  “Morning babe” Morgan said as he snuck his arms around your  waist.  “morning” you responded “are you ready for practice?  “Yes  I got everything I need, double check, triple checked, quadruple checked, I got everything” he said “Good cuz last time you did not check your bag ,you ended up with 2 left ice skates, which to this day I still don’t understand, And the wrong size gloves” You responded laughing. “ but about practice I wanted to ask you something “Morgan asked timidly. At this point you can feel your anxiety bubbling up like a volcano. You were dreading this day, you did not want to make a mistake and for his friends not to like you. He was about to ask you when you beat him to the punch ‘“ let me guess you want me to meet your team”  you said trying not to sound so enthused “ babe you don’t have to if you don’t want to, we can put this off for a later date” he said  understanding how you felt.   “ no no no we made it this far and this relationship I think it’s time that we take this big step”  you said dramatically and sarcastically. Morgan  reply with a laugh. You dropped him off at the rink and headed to work. All you could think about is meeting his team .



Later on that day this was the big moment, You were extremely nervous but luckily Morgan was there to guide you through this. You walked through the arena doors ,something that you were also familiar with going to Morgan’s games. This time it was different Morgan gave you a pass that you have to show to at least 5 different security guards to get back to the locker room.  Morgan came out of the locker room to greet you “ Hey babe are you sure you want to do this? if you don’t want to I understand .The guys already know that you’re coming so don’t freak out, I know that you are  but everything will be ok” he reassured you. You pushed on the big blue doors instantly you were greeted by warm faces and smiles. Morgan started with introducing you with some of the younger players “ So you’re the Y/n that Morgan can’t stop talking” Auston said to you “ yeah how do you deal with this one at home?” Mitch added “  You know I take it day by day” you said in a joking manner. Player by player it got easier to introduce yourself and you started to feel more comfortable and less anxious. Then someone ask you how you met “  Well,we met through Instagram and a close friend”  Morgan said    “do tell do tell” William said joking  causing the whole room to erupted in laughter. The guys could see that you were getting anxious again  “ Don’t sweat it kid we’re just bullshittin you”  Connor said clearing the air. The rest of the day was good you had a few laughs and had some fun. “Was it better than you thought I would be?” Morgan asked  “yepp a lot better” you said with a smile “let’s go home”



Originally posted by flowlikehags

nct dream!soulmate au

soulmate au where you have a clock on your wrist and it ticks down until you meet your soulmate!! (this wont include how you guys are like after you begin to date btw, i already did that in my dating nct dream series)


renjun

-youre a sad child tbh

-you never wanted to meet your soulmate

-you were so afraid that your soulmate would be some creep

-you had awful luck and dreaded anything that was up to chance

-thankfully, your soulmate wasnt a creep

-but you just… didnt feel a connection to him ya know?

-you met your ‘soulmate’ on a trip 

-and ever since then you guys would talk a bit but… you could tell your supposed soulmate didnt feel a connection with you either

-so you both agreed to look for other people, even tho the soulmate system should never be broken

-if it is, youre looked down upon, like youre a failure or something

-but like w/e dude you dont care, you dont wanna spend the rest of your life with someone you dont love

-so youre, completely lost and have 0 way of finding your soulmate and youve just given up tbh

-you never wanted a soulmate anyway

-on the flipsideeee, renjun freaked the fuck out

-his timer went down drastically and froze

-it literally didn’t move it waas stuck

-it went from like 23:12:09:02 to like 00:00:00:01 in a second lmao

-ren screeched during dance practice and dropped to the ground

-the dream team was so fucking scared omG

-”rEN ARE YOU OK??”

-”MY TIMER JUST DROPPED TO 0 BUT I DONT UNDERSTAND NONE OF YOU ARE MY SOULMATE”

-chenle was offended ok

-mark trying to be the best hyung he can he tries to reassure him that it’s probably nothing

-after he screams and runs into the wall ofc

-sO BACK TO YOU

-after you lost motivation for trying to find your other soulmate

-you found motivation in something else

-sINGING/DANCING

-you would sing/dance 24/7 and eventually, you discovered kpop and auditioned for sm

-you got in, ofc u lil talented u 

-and you grew reallyyyyy close to the smrookies

-you were a smrookie too!! you quickly grew close to them and they all loved you

-youve never met the dream team but youve heard of them

-and you met them during your dance practice with the other trainees

-renjun’s eyes locked onto yours (CLICHE KDRAMA MOMENT!!) and his timer beeped, showing that it went down to 0

-and he was like “…. omg…. what the fuCK”

-you stopped dancing and someone bumped into you

-you fell over lmfao

-he immediately ran over and wouldnt stop staring at you

-you felt something tingle on your wrist but youre clueless to what’s happening

-so ren’s just like

-”yo… i think youre my soulmate”

-”…. man ok cool” -yoU LMAO

-it was kinda awkward at first but you two got really close after spending time with each other

-sm was kinda :/ with it but like, you cant fuck with fate sm smh

-your parents were kinda iffy with it but like you didnt care so

-so tl;dr, you said “lol fuck the soulmate system” and ended up with ren lmao


mark

-you didnt hate the whole soulmate thing but you didnt care much for it either ya feel

-you had more important things to deal with

-mark used to care wayyyyy too much about his soulmate 

-he literally couldnt wait to meet whoever his soulmate was

-after he became an idol however, he focused more on training and forgot about worrying over his soulmate

-you met at a fanmeet

-your best friend dragged you to one of them 

-and you didnt really wanna go but your best friend needed you so you were like “sighs ok man idc i guess”

-you didnt realize your timer was almost at 0 until your friend screamed and shook you

-you thought she was screaming bc you two were in line to see the dream team and it was almost your turn

-but lmfao nope she was screaming about your timer

-”Y/N YOUR TIMER!!! IT’S ALMOST AT 0 OMG!!! WHAT IF YOUR SOULMATE’S ONE OF THE BOYS????”

-”lol youre fuckin delusional”

-when it was your turn your timer seemed to tick down even faster and you weere SWEATING LMFAO

-but after you went through like 6 of the boys, you were like “oh man i was right it  isnt any of them”

-lol jokes on u

-you got to mark, the last person

-and your timer started beeping 

-mark’s started beeping too

-he looked at his timer and then at you and then back to his timer

-and pASSED THE FUCK OUT LMAO

-he woke up at the hospital and you were awkwardly sitting in the corner

-he opened his eyes and all he remembers is you being his soulmate

-he croakily says “i dont even know who you are”

-and you feel SO bad

-”im sorry…. im not someone you wanted me to be .-.”

-and he like sits up and iMMEDIATELY FREAKS OUT “NO I DIDNT MEAN IT THAT WAY”

-you laugh it off and introduce yourself

-and his face is really red but he introduces himself too

-you guys talked a bit but he had to fly back to korea with the team

-so you guys couldnt talk as much as you wanted to 

-but you exchanged numbers and facetimed whenever you could!!

-which wasnt vvv often

-you were extremely iffy with mark bc you just didnt think idols were ‘real’ 

-ur dumb

-but slowly, you realize how much of a sweetheart mark is

-after a bunch of facetimes

-and you slowly warm up to him

-you start to smile a lot more and he realizes how glad he is to have you as a soulmate

-what a bunch of dweebs smh

Request: A fellow British fan! Yippie! I've got a idea for you. Can I have one where Y/N is British (you can choose which country she's from) and her and Crowley get into an arguement in front of the boys? Lighthearted and lots of British slang/swearing if you don't mind? Thanks!

Haha, so I think that i had too much fun writing this one… So much so that i had to edit.bits out because i didnt want too much swearing (sorry!)
I made the reader Welsh, just ‘cause I am haha. Hope you dont mind! And im sorry if its a bit short, i just didnt want to get carried away with the swearing. Hope you understand! Thanks for the request and hope you like it!

*no offense meant to anyone by any of the insults included.*

*a bit of swearing*

Just been informed that twat is also said in America. I have literally never heard an American say it, so sorry for that. I shall change it now. Thanks for pointing it out x

Your name: submit What is this?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The phone rang early Saturday morning and you sprang up from the sofa and ran across the room into the kitchen, grabbing the phone just before Dean closed his hand around it. He gave you a funny look but you ignored him and answered the phone, putting it to your ear excitedly.

“ Hello? ”

“ Y/N! Oh I’ve missed the sound of your voice! How are you? ”

You smiled at the sound of your mothers voice.

“Hi mum. I’ve missed you too, and I’m good mum. Real good. How about you? How is everyone? ” You asked, ignoring the look of shock on Deans face.

He hadn’t even known that you still spoke to your mum, let alone that she had the house number. All he knew was that you had left your home in the UK and travelled to America, where you’d met the Winchesters when you were 18. For the next six years you had stayed with them, not mentioning your parents once.

Your mum answered, saying that all was okay and that your oldest sister was pregnant.

You screamed with excitement at that last bit and Dean laughed loudly, seeing you do your happy dance while stood on the kitchen side.

Your mum heard his laugh and immediately started questioning you.

“Its just Dean, he’s a housemate. He’s making breakfast.”

This revelation made your mother launch more questions at you.

You rolled your eyes and answered her questions, watching Dean blushing at your praise.

She asked you if she could talk to him and you started freaking out.

“No mum, you can’t talk to him, he’s…”

He nodded and gestured for you to hand over the phone.

“He wants to talk to you… Please be normal mum!” You begged, hoping that she wouldn’t start telling stories about you as a child.

Dean accepted the phone and put it to his ear.

“ Hello Mrs y/l/n. ”

You sat on the side and watched Dean joking with your mother as he fried eggs. He laughed a few times, but then he suddenly got serious.

Your concentration was broke as Sam walked into the room, stretching and yawning.

“ Morning, whats for breakfast? ” He asked, but then noticed Dean on the phone.

Whos that? He mimed to you and tilted his head.

You sighed and rolled your eyes.

My mother, you mimed back and saw Sam look shocked before he straightened and started smoothing his hair down and dusting off his clothes as if your mum could see him.

You laughed and he pulled a face but sat down.

Your mum must have heard Sam as Dean was explaining who he was.

“Oh that’s just my younger brother, Sam. He lives here too,” he explained, beginning to fry some bacon.

Your mum must have said something because Dean laughed and then began talking again.

“No, not just us. Our other friend, Cas, lives here too sometimes… No, Cas isn’t short for Cassy. Castiel is a man.” He explained to your mum, and you dreaded to think what she was saying to Dean, but then he agrees to something.

“Yeah, she’s still here. I’ll put her on. Okay, bye!”

He gave you the phone back and you shook your head before putting it to your ear.

“Hello?”

There was a pause but then your mum launched into a conversation about how great Dean was, and you smiled and agreed.

“I know mum. He’s the best…”

He blushed again, knowing that you were talking about him. He was adorable.

Your eyes wondered over him as you half listened to your mother,  but then she yelled down the phone and you almost dropped it in surprise.

“BLOODY HELL WOMAN! YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!” you yelled, seeing the alarmed looks on Sam and Deans faces.

You ignored them and heard your mum cackle at the other end of the line.

You chuckled a little too, and then listened as your mum described the goings on in the UK.

When she started talking about your sisters fiance, you sighed.

“I hate him, Mum. He’s a right wanker,” you told her, not really caring if he was in the room with her.

You heard him say something to you so you just yelled back at him.

“Fuck off you complete bell end!”

You didn’t really care that your mum was there but apparently she did as she gave you the instructions to be careful and not to go looking for trouble.

You reminded her that that was your job but she just sighed and told you she loved you.

“I love you too mum,” you said to a dead line.

Feeling a little choked up with how bad you missed your family, you put the phone down and tried to regain your cool.

The guys didn’t look at you, knowing that you wanted to get it together before they saw. You were grateful to them, and when you jumped down off the side, Dean turned to you and handed you a plate with your breakfast on, planting a kiss on your cheek  before whispering in your ear.

“You okay?”

You nodded and kissed his jawline as you stepped past, going to sit next to Sam.

When you sat down you saw that he was laughing silently at something, but you ignored him and focused on your bacon.

However after a moment, you couldn’t because Dean was also chuckling into his coffee cup, so you put down your fork and glared at the Winchesters.

“ What?!” You demanded.

They both lost it and started howling laughing, so you elbowed Sam and threw your fork at Dean.

“TOSSERS!”

This only made them laugh harder until they were clutching their sides.

In between gasps, Dean started speaking in a high voice.

“ BLOODY… HELL!”

Sam joined in.

“TOSSERS!”

You realised what they were doing and glared.

“Are you mocking me?!”

You wanted to throw something at them, but short of the plate, you didn’t have anything.

Suddenly you saw Dean straighten and you knew someone was behind you.

You swung a fist round, but your arm was caught by none other than the king of hell.

“Hello Darling, ” he smiled, his accent nearly the same as yours.

“Crowley! What are you doing here?” You demanded as you wrenched your arm out of his grasp and took a step back.

He looked offended.

“I came to offer my assistance in defending our mother country against Moose and squirrel.”

You laughed at him.

“Oh please. You’re a posh bastard. You don’t even speak the same as me!”

His grin widened.

“Oh it is true that I am of the upper class and you’re… well… welsh,” he said the last part as if it was an insult and your patriotism didn’t allow you to keep your mouth shut.

“You cheeky bastard! I’d take Welsh over pompous arsehole anyday!”

He grinned a little at you and you crossed your arms and gave him a look.

GAME ON, you thought, totally ready for a bit of banter,  but suddenly Crowley looked behind you and laughed.

Wondering what he was on with, you turned around and saw that Sam and Dean looked really confused.

Laughing with Crowley you realised that you and Crowley were practically swearing in a different language.

Crowley nudged you and nodded at them.

“Gormless looking pair of plonkers you’ve got there, my dear sheep shagger,” he laughed, disappearing before you could whack him for calling you your least favourite name for Welsh people.

You started muttering to yourself as you walked out of the kitchen, leaving the two stunned Winchesters behind you.

Deans voice followed you out of the kitchen though.

“What did he call me, and what did he say you do to sheep?” He shouted and you laughed and shook your head.

Crowley was so dead for that one. You just had to bide your time…

Dear, John.

Stranger: I think I’m dropping out of uni. Going to join the military. JW [19]

You: Ha ha, very funny, John. SH

You: In honesty it’s not very funny at all. SH

Stranger: Correction: I’m dropping out of uni and joining the military. JW

You: John, stop, seriously I don’t like this joke. SH

Stranger: It’s not a joke, Sherlock. My dad was pushing it, has been since I was a kid, and, well, I finally agreed with him. It’s something I want to do. JW

Keep reading

My Catfish Experience

I could start from the very beginning, But since the most asked question is “Is it fake?”, I figure I’d answer that question in the elaborate way I know how.

 

Back in February, After I came home from work, I had gotten an email from the casting director saying that Tracie wanted to get together to talk about what happened two years ago. I was facetiming my Girlfriend when i noticed the email. I was in shock. I thought this whole thing was never going to be brought up again. My girlfriend actually didn’t want me to go through with it because of the emotional state that it would leave me in. But I didn’t want to decline without more information. I emailed the casting director and gave him my number.

 

The next day, He had called me and told me what would happen. He informed me that the show was “Catfish” and that the show wasn’t about putting people on blast. I’ve heard this many times throughout my experience. “It’s not about shaming anyone in public, We just want to get your side of the story.”

 

We discussed it; The scheduling, my pay, and the procedures that would occur. This was all so strange to me! I had agreed to do this because I felt that Tracie deserved some answers. I know I owed her that much. Over a period of time, I met a location manager, and a producer, I hung out with these guys. Starbucks, and Ihop! They were really really awesome people.. So nice and generous.

 

What I discussed with the producer was the part that I’m confused whether or not it’s completely real. During our meeting, He’d tell me that Nev and Max were going to message me on facebook, first send HIM a message of what you’re going to say before sending it out. Once it was approved with him, then I could send it out to Nev. He gave me a heads up for when Nev and Max would call me. He would tell me, Say something along this line, “act like you’re really nervous (Which I really was) don’t make it a short phone call, ask questions, It has to seem like you’re going to say no but let Nev try to convince you then say you’ll meet him. “ So I did just that. The whole phone call lasted for about 8 mins.

 

It was all too abnormal! I didn’t feel real. until the day I met them. I never picked the cafe where we met BTW. The producer messaged me and told me that that’s what I had to send to Nev. “Hey you can meet me at blah blah blah”

 

This was the day that fucked me up. I hated everything about this day. Meeting Nev and Max and Tracie.

 

First of all, I asked repeatedly if Tracie was going to be there with them. All I got was, “I don’t know.” I wanted to know because I wanted to prepare myself mentally. The day that I met them, I had to pretend that I was coming from a bus stop; That I had just taken the bus. The reality was that the cafe was down the street from where I lived. Why couldn’t I have said that I just walked? I still dont get that.

The producer and I waited under that bridge that you guys saw me appear from, I was waiting there for about ten mins. Then the producer said ok go ahead. Don’t look at them, don’t wave, don’t act excited. In my head I’m like “THIS IS THE MOST NERVEWRECKING THING EVER, I’M SCARED AS FUCK! AND I ACTUALLY WANT TO GO HOME! I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!”

 

So when I appeared at the bridge, That’s when I saw Tracie. my heart fell to the floor and I wanted to just RUN!

 

I walked up to them and the look on Tracie’s face; she looked so pissed off. everyone around me had such a hard face. I was grilled right there, right where I stood. On the show, it lasted for what? 1 min. We were there for what seemed like 10 mins. Question after question. When finally we went inside and it got worse. What they found, Why this why that, who was this, They even found someone in my family that I didn’t even know existed! They knew the names of my (At the time) friends, Locations ETC. Like they went DEEP to find out things.

 

I was in so much shock with the interrogation what was being said, what they found, finding out that they talked to Marissa, just EVERYTHING that i didn’t know what to do. My brain shut down completely. I know i wasn’t much help that day with giving information because that day broke me in ways that no one would understand. i felt cornered. 3 against one.. each one throwing out questions that I had to know the answer to. I hated everything about that day. EVERYTHING. and I’ll never forget it.

 

That meeting in the cafe lasted for a couple hours. Ever notice that When I meet her, it’s light outside and when I leave it’s totally dark?

 

When I was walking away, when the producer picked me up, I was gone, totally mentally damaged. I felt so beat down that I actually couldn’t speak. I hated myself more than I ever did in my entire life. When the producer dropped me off, he pulled over first. He said that he was concerned about me. I told him how i felt. He assured me that tomorrow would be better. tonight was supposed to be that intense. What I hated the most was that, they prepared me for everything BUT this. all the questions, everything.

 

When I got home, I called my girlfriend who was upset to see me upset. She said that she hates that I agreed to do this. I told her that I agreed. I wish I didn’t go through with it but I couldn’t quit now. It’s almost over. It took me everything in my power to not relapse. I self harm. That night was the biggest trigger. and of course, I did relapse. my mentality was gone that night. I had no self control. and I dreaded the next day.

 

The next day, the location manager and the producer came over to hang out with me and to make sure that I was ok and to tell me what would happen that day. Max came over early. They wanted to get shots of me getting ready for the meeting. My hair, make up, putting on my shoes. He left soon after. The crew came and rearranged the living room a bit, they setup their equipment and got ready for the arrival.

 

I had to have my phone close to me so that the producer could call me and tell me, “Ok they just knocked on the door, go ahead and answer it” (I live on the third floor of the apartment, There is no doorbell, and theres a door that leads to the stairs to that come upstairs. )

 

They arrived and the first thing they saw was my room, I have pictures on my wall so we just gazed at the wall for a while. I liked that part, Them just more calm and I was more at ease because we were talking and laughing and I was telling them who’s who in the pictures. and of course, my Liz wall, I remember Nev leaning in to tell me that Liz was a really cool person. Of course she is! lol. That time in my room was the most calm throughout the whole experience.

 

When it was time to talk, We got ready, got all situated. the crew was preparing their cameras and during that time, Nev, Max, Tracie and I were calm and actually making fun of Nev haha. I was starting to calm down a little more.

 

Once we started shooting, the discussion was more relaxed, more understanding. The parts that you guys didn’t get to see was the one on one conversation with me and Tracie. or the part when Tracie and I hugged, there was a funny moment there..

 

All in all, I wish Tracie would’ve came straight to me with all of this instead of calling catfish. I’m not crazy, psychotic or insane. It’s not like I go to their houses and peek through their windows or collect their hair, or have a frickin shrine!

 

Everything is not what it seems on that show. I hate that everyone thinks they know exactly who I am just from one episode. That episode changed so SO much in such a bad way that I can’t even explain.

 

Did I learn something?: Yes, I learned something when it happened two years ago!

 

Theres so many things that I just wish was shown. The way that it was edited… I can’t. believe that shit.

 

I’m done.

 

 

Strangers 51

Next update is here! You can read below or on FFN. Should have the next one (which is probably the one you want) next Friday.


A Rabbit Hearted Girl

Breath lodged firmly in her throat, Maka climbs into the cab in a stupor. All this time, she’d assumed she knew how Soul felt about her, and now it all turns out to be a misunderstanding? After so much strife? She can’t believe neither of them had been able to figure it out until now, but the truly incredible thing is how much everything clicks into place with a change in perception. Soul getting defensive when she backed out of their kiss. Soul flinching like he’d been burned when she said not to touch her. Soul lashing out when she’d been jealous. All of it – he’s been just as hurt as her, and suddenly all of her petty behavior seems a hundred times worse.

She finds the air that’s been hiding in her lungs and wheezes back to life, catching the eye of the cab driver in the rearview mirror.  

“Miss? Where to?” His tone clearly states what he doesn’t say; it’s not the first, or even second time he’s asked her the same question and received no response.

“Airport,” Maka gasps, then tries to practice counting and breathing. She’s always telling Soul to do it, but only now when she tries it herself does she realize that sometimes calming down isn’t an option.

Keep reading