like i can not function

Say no more

Feeling a tad bit angsty though i’m not sure if I delivered that through the piece. This was probably not what you had in mind when you requested this but it took a turn like this so hopefully you don’t mind at all! Thank you for sending in your request and I hope you enjoy. 

PS: My sickness just got worst and now I’m running a fever too so updates will really be slow until I can function normally like a healthy person! I’ll be putting my health first but rest assured, I will be getting through your requests as soon as I can. Hopefully, I’ll be less sick tomorrow and well enough the day after. Hope you guys understand! Thank you.

You never thought you would ever come to this point in your relationship. You always thought the two of you were strong enough to go through it together but your nights are mostly spent alone and you barely even see him anymore. You don’t know if this is because he is getting busier by the waking minute or if he has fallen out of love with you. You can’t tell at all.

There are times when he doesn’t even come home for a few days, a week at most and during those times when he is not at home, he barely even sends you any text messages and you are just so consumed with worry that you have started to neglect your own feelings and even your own health.

You miss your boyfriend. You absolutely miss Tim.

Things used to be really wonderful between the two of you before. He rarely ever kept secrets from you. You knew he had been Robin before he became Red Robin. All of his important secrets – even his parents – he has never kept them away from you. He would often tell you things about his missions, the people he has managed to save and the people that he didn’t manage to save at all. Sometimes you think Tim’s empathy will be the cause of his own downfall. Still you keep by his side, supporting him through thick and thin, ups and downs.

So when Tim finally comes back to you completely plastered, right off the bat you knew something is wrong. Tim rarely ever drinks to the point where he gets this plastered. Tipsy, yes but drunk, rarely ever.

You didn’t recognize the man standing in front of you but he had been surprised to see you there. You had caught that look on his face before it disappeared, replaced by yet another unreadable expression. You shrug it off – Tim’s the only thing that matters right now.

“I didn’t really know who to call or how to operate his phone.” The man simply tells you before depositing the drunk Tim in to your arms. You can smell the alcohol on him and you almost want to puke – you’ve never really liked the smell of alcohol. You quietly thank the man and with one last (questioning?) look at you, the man leaves the building and you close the door behind you with an uneasy, heavy heart.

“Tim, what have you been doing?” You ask yourself as you try to help Tim to go to the bedroom. You are currently supporting him, holding his arm and trying to lead him to the bedroom. Tim groans and says something intangible. You strain to hear his words – you have missed listening to his voice so much. “I can’t understand you, Tim.”

Tim narrows his eyes at you before trying to pull away from you, shoving your shoulders. He is weak and drunk enough that he was not able to put in a lot of strength in his push but you still manage to stumble a little bit, quite surprised by his reaction. “Let go of me.” He hisses, surprising you yet again with his response.

You can feel your heart starting to race because this is not how you envisioned meeting your boyfriend after not being around for a week. You envisioned something more like Tim hugging you and telling you he misses you just like how you have missed him. This is certainly not what you had expected: Tim coming back to you, drunk and hostile towards you.

You release the hold you have on Tim and he pulls his arms away from your hold, moving away with much difficulty from you. You would be lying if you say that did not hurt your feelings because it did. It hurt you so much.

You follow after Tim, keeping your distance especially when he kept growling at you for following him closely. There were words said that Tim normally wouldn’t say being thrown at you too. “I am not incompetent!” He yells at you after the fifth time you tried to follow him to help and this causes you to abruptly stop.

Tim maneuvers around the place drunkenly, hands on the wall and manages to somehow reach the bedroom in his drunken state. You follow after him quietly and when he flops down on to the bed, that is when you begin to talk to him. In hindsight, you probably should have not since Tim looked like he was not in any state of rational talking but you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Where have you been, Tim? I miss you.” Half of you weren’t really expecting any sort of coherent answer because of how intoxicated he currently is. The other half is just hoping he would at least give you an explanation.

Tim surprises you. “Here and there but mostly there. This place is just suffocating me. I hate it.” His words cut you like a knife. You can feel your blood draining and your face is probably pale. “It’s like I’m being buried alive.” You never knew Tim felt that way – is this how he felt about being in a relationship with you? It makes you wonder if all those times you spent with him meant nothing to him. Is this the reason why he barely came home at all?

Hearing those words from him made you feel as if your entire being has started sinking with depression. You knew right at that moment; you would have to ask him. Not for his sake but mostly for your own. You love Tim far too much to let him continue to hurt you like this. Tears well up in your eyes as your heart begins to crack, pieces falling off in to the dark abyss that is beginning to grow inside you.

“Did you ever love me, Tim?” You try your hardest to hold back the sobs but your vision is starting to get blurry and you know there are tears streaming down your face. You didn’t even bother wiping them away. What is the point?

Tim rolls his eyes, groaning at how annoying and high-pitched your voice sounds like. “Can you just shut up?” He grumbles before glaring at you as best as he can. “Probably not in the way you wanted me to.” He slurs before promptly turning to look away from you. A few seconds later, Tim is dead to the world, snoring away in his sleep.

You knew you should not really take his words to heart because Tim is drunk but you really just could not take it anymore. Tim has been neglecting you and you have spent all of those times worrying about him and yet, this is how he treats you. He takes your heart and rips them apart in to pieces.

You begin to sob uncontrollably. Despite how much you try to muffle your sobs; you really could not help yourself. You cried and cried for the longest time.

“I can’t stay here.” You tell yourself once you managed to get your sobbing under control. You really don’t think you can face Tim in the morning and still act as if nothing had happened the previous night even when you know he had torn your heart in to irreparable pieces. You may know how to act but you are not that good of an actress.

So you pick yourself up, head over to your wardrobe, grab a few pieces of clothing and head over to your vanity table to grab your purse. You made sure you had every important belonging with you – your passport most importantly.

As much as you hated leaving at the middle of the night like this, you have had enough and despite wanting to leave Tim unattended, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. So you pour him a glass of water, place said glass of water, some Advil and a bottle of water on his bedside table.

“I love you so much, Tim.” Your heart simply continues to break – you don’t think it will ever be alright ever again – and right now, you are just too damn tired to pick up the pieces anymore. So you take one last look at Tim before leaving the apartment and the man that has taken your heart entirely.

Welcome to the MBTI community! A crash course in MBTI (with a brief note on socionics)

Look. I get it. It takes a lot of time to really get into MBTI and Enneagram and sometimes you just want to ask a person things and get an answer and be done. Then they respond and are like “um that’s not a real thing.” So here’s a way to understand what is a real thing. This is not in depth at all. You have to put the work in to really get things. I can’t beam them into your head.. But it’s a start.

Also this post is long but I tried to make things as simple as possible. The tone is going to be a little “See Spot Run” as a result which as xkcd says, is not actually a bad thing.

An Enneagram post will follow shortly.

MBTI - Cognitive Functions: 16 types, made up of combinations of four functions. People will talk about shadow functions. It’s fun to think about when you know what you’re doing. You do not know what you’re doing (yet) so just ignore them.

The function categories are: sensing (perceiving concrete things), intuition (perceiving abstract things), thinking (making judgments based on logic) and feeling (making judgments based on morality). They can be extroverted (focused on the outside world) or introverted (focused on the inner world). The functions all have 2 letters in them. The first stands for the category (first letter of the category except for intuition which is N instead), the second is i for introverted or e for extroverted. Also lots of people spell extroverted as extraverted. That is in fact probably the correct way to do it but it looks weird to me and so I’m just going to do my thing.

Sometimes people spell intuition like this: iNtuition. This makes the fact that ‘N’ is used more apparent, or you can just know how to spell the word intuition and that we use the letter N and not make it look like the world’s worst  Apple product.

You have one of each category of function! Two perceiving and two judging. One of your perceiving functions is extroverted and one is introverted, and the same goes for judging. So Se and Ni always go together, as do Si and Ne (the perceiving functions). The judging function pairs are Te and Fi, and Fe and Ti.

Really oversimplified descriptions:

Se: Objectively perceives the outside concrete world and their experiences in it. This usually translates to being very aware and adaptable to their surroundings, regardless of how things are behaving.

Si: subjectively perceives the outside concrete world and their experiences in it. This usually translates to them trusting past experiences they have had and expecting things to behave as they previously have.

Ne: objectively perceives concepts. This usually translates to getting lots of inspiration and ideas from everywhere and making unrelated connections about how things may behave.

Ni: subjectively perceives concepts. This usually translates to having a very specific and personal vision of how they believe things will behave.

Fe: Uses outside systems of morality to make judgments. This usually translates to prioritizing overall benefit to groups of people rather than specific individuals.

Fi: Uses inner systems of morality to make judgments. This usually translates to prioritizing individuality and authenticity over group harmony.

Te: Uses outside systems of logic to make judgments. This usually translates to prioritizing efficiency and hard evidence to get something done over having every possible piece of evidence or the most elegant solution.

Ti: uses inner systems of logic to make judgments. This usually translates to prioritizing internal logical consistency and having all the possible information and the most elegant solution over getting something done quickly and in a way easily communicated to others.

MBTI - your function stack:

Your first function is your strongest function. This is the dominant function. It’s your default way of doing things. It can be any one of those 8 functions I introduced. People will say “I’m a <function name>-dom” to indicate that.

Your fourth function is your inferior function. It’s what you’re worst at. This is the function that’s normally paired with your dominant function (so if you’re an Se dom, your inferior function is Ni).

Your second function is also pretty strong. It’s your auxiliary function. If your dominant function is extroverted, your auxiliary one will be introverted (and vice versa), and if your dominant function is a judging function your auxiliary one will be a perceiving function (and vice versa).

Your third function is called your tertiary function and it will be the function that’s paired with your aux function.

MBTI - your type: 

Look at your dominant function. If it’s extroverted, you are an extrovert (this doesn’t mean the traditional ‘energized by people’ thing it does outside of MBTI. MBTI doesn’t have a concept of ambiversion. Also everyone is to some extent ambiverted in that introverts don’t burst into flames when they have to talk to people and extroverts don’t die when they haven’t been around a person for 5 seconds, so chill). If it’s introverted, you’re an introvert (ditto). The first letter of your type is E or I, respectively.

Look at the first letter in your dominant function. If it’s a perceiving function (S or N) then that’s the second letter in your type, and the first letter of your aux function is the third letter in your type. If it’s a judging function (F or T) then that’s the third letter in your type, and the first letter of your aux function is the second letter in your type.

Now: if one of your top two functions (dom and aux) is Fe or Te (an extroverted judging function), you are a judger and the last letter in your type is J. If one of your top two functions is Ne or Se (an extroverted perceiving function), then you are a perceiver and the last letter in your type is P.

An example

Let’s say you think your dominant function is Se. Then your inferior function has to be Ni. You then look at the descriptions for the introverted judging functions (Ti and Fi) and think that your auxiliary function is Fi, which means your tertiary must be Te. Your functions in order are Se-Fi-Te-Ni.

To figure your type’s name out: your first function is extroverted, so you’re an EXXX.

Your first function is a perceiving function and the letter is S - ESXX

Your second function’s letter is F - ESFX

You have Se in your top two functions, so your type is ESFP.

MBTI - groupings

A guy named Keirsey split up the types into groups that he thought behaved similarly and named them:

XXSP - The Artisans

XXSJ - The Guardians or The Sentinels

XNTX - The Rationals

XNFX - The Idealists

A lot of people aren’t big fans of this split both because the names aren’t particularly useful and because the system is inconsistent in terms of functions, but you will see these terms sometimes.

MBTI - loops and grips

A loop is when you use your dominant and tertiary function without checking in on your secondary function.

This is not necessarily bad if you’re using it for a brief period of time. For example, let’s say you’re an INTJ and your friend is crying and doesn’t really want to talk about it. Your Te is most likely going to try to focus on solutions - how to make this stop, how to make them feel better. But this is an emotional/people-oriented situation, so using your Ni to predict what’s wrong and your Fi to act in a way that is in line with your values re: friendship might be more successful.

On the other hand it can be bad if you do this for an extended period of time. As you notice, the two functions are both in the same direction (introverted or extroverted) so introverts aren’t relying on any external direction or systems, and extroverts aren’t relying on any internal direction or systems. As a result, introverts can become irrational and out of touch with reality without some external input, and extroverts can become dominating and reckless.

Grips are when you unhealthily skip all your functions and go straight to your inferior function. These are almost always bad, and are not the same as using your inferior function in a healthy way.

The basic grip behaviors by inferior function are:

Se grip (Ni doms): engaging in purely physical and sometimes reckless behaviors to the point of loss of control. Can be anything - exercise, eating, drinking, drugs, sex, risky behaviors of all kinds.

Si grip (Ne doms): obsessiveness, hypochondria, hypercritical, haunted by the past, fixating on a single possibility instead of exploring many.

Ne grip (Si doms): (this is my inferior function so I’m a little more familiar with it). Either anxiety about the future, seeing catastrophe no matter what you do, or alternately wanting to throw away all your routines and habits and run away instead of getting rid of only what doesn’t work.

Ni grip (Se doms): Paranoia, obsession over the future, seeing or looking for signs/omens rather than the real world, withdrawing.

Fe grip (Ti doms): Emotional volatility, needing external validation from others or alternately feeling rejected and alienated from others.

Fi grip (Te doms): Hypersensitivity, self-pity, withdrawal, ‘me against the world’ mentality.

Te grip (Fi doms): harshness, micromanaging, abandoning values and doing anything to achieve your ends or alternately feeling incompetent.

Ti grip (Fe doms): overanalyzing, withdrawing from personal relationships in particular, or alternately becoming highly critical of people to whom you are close.

Basically: introverts tend to act/lash out as their inferior functions are extroverted, and extroverts tend to withdraw as their inferior functions are introverted, and the most clear sign is that they aren’t using their dom (or other) function.

MBTI - but I feel like I use all the functions!

You may have noticed that you can only have one extroverted perceiving function, one extroverted judging function, one introverted perceiving function, and one introverted judging function.

If you feel like you use functions that cannot both be in your top four (your stack), pick the one that you seem to use more and follow the rules. Will it necessarily be right? No. That’s why you have to learn more. Ultimately you still have to put in some effort ,but at least this way you’ll have a type that makes sense and exists, and if you find it doesn’t fit well, you can look into similar types that might fit better.

Why do you feel like you use multiple functions that can’t be in your stack? Usually it’s either because you don’t understand the functions yet (this isn’t your fault. They’re not easy to understand and they’re hard to describe well), and because you don’t pick up one function, use it, and then put it away. You’re constantly using them together, and that’s good because most situations require that you intake (perceive) information and then do something with it (judge). So trying to consider them in isolation can be hard.

Also: you don’t use your first function first in every single situation, because that wouldn’t work out well for you. So if you’re sometimes very outgoing and sometimes very withdrawn, and sometimes you make choices based on morality and sometimes on logic (etc, etc) you still have one MBTI type. People change how they behave depending on the situation. You still only have one MBTI type. 

Finally, your functions are how you process information, but consider the big picture and your motivation. If you brainstormed once and it went well, or if you helped a group of friends get along once, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an Ne or Fe user respectively. Think about how you generally and repeatedly behave. We all do some things that could be ‘typed’ one way or another, so consider why you do things and what your repeated behaviors and motivations are, not one-offs.

You don’t have more than one type. If you think you have more than one type, you don’t.

A brief note on socionics:

Socionics is an interpretation and expansion on the Jungian theory that also produced MBTI. It’s highly detailed but a bit more focused on behavior than cognition. The functions are have the same names and are similar but not exactly the same. I’m less knowledgeable about it than MBTI but since it looks a lot like MBTI, here’s what will help you notice if something’s a socionics post so that you can do your own research.

Socionics types are written a little differently. They only look at the dominant function. If it’s a perceiving one, you’re a perceiver (and they write that as a lowercase). If it’s a judging one, you’re a judger (also in lower case).

What this means practically is that if a type is an MBTI extrovert, the same functional stack (REMEMBER THAT MBTI FUNCTIONS AND SOCIONICS FUNCTIONS DON’T MATCH UP PERFECTLY) will result in a type that’s the same, except the last letter is lower case (ESFP -> ESFp).

If a type is an MBTI introvert, the last letter switches and becomes lowercase (INFJ->INFp).

Socionics goes into more depth about the four functions below your main stack, so if you’re interested in shadow functions, check it out. In socionics, your 5th and 6th functions (flip your dom and aux functions introversion/extroversion axis to get these) are actually pretty good, and you are terrible at the introverted/extroverted version of your tertiary function. This is sometimes called PoLR.

Socionics also groups the types into something called Quadras.

i have to say, the scene in please like me where josh has walled tom off in his room for eating the truffle oil mac & cheese and he tells tom he can have some pizza but only under the condition that when tom orders, he asks for extra jalapenos and insipidly pronounces the “j”

and so tom reluctantly does it and josh and claire just die of laughter

was like the most realistic depiction of friendship i have ever seen on tv

just, like, laughing so hysterically you can barely function over something that is objectively so stupid

that was very real

buttons-beads-lace  asked:

I have a lot of feels about 'functional singing' too. I went to a college with a large and very opera-focused vocal performance program, and there were times when I felt very left out, as a functional but not professional singer. but the fact is a lot of my favorite music is very much not professional, and that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. it's just a different thing.

Ha, and @bachfan reblogged with the tags too– Music has always been such an important part of human society, but since the era of recorded music, its role has changed a lot. And now we listen to it, rather than performing it, and our expectations of what it should sound like and what role it serves are so markedly different. I think about this a lot.

I first began to practice singing as a purely functional thing– our horses were aggressive when they heard the metal feed bin, so I started singing loudly the whole time I was out with them, so that they couldn’t hear the feed bin over me, and I sang the whole time so they wouldn’t associate singing with food either. Now I sing for the various little kids in my life, and the little ones don’t know the difference between technically proficient and sort of not, but once they’re older, they start to notice, and start to critique, and start to be embarrassed. I know I got embarrassed about my mother’s singing around then, and wouldn’t let her.

I studied singing in high school, and then tried to study vocal performance in college but they were really rude to me in my audition and basically told me it would be a waste of time for me to do that, so I never have auditioned for anything again and haven’t performed except for the odd national anthem or little traditional seisun or whatever since then. (Notice a theme? People love to tell me I shouldn’t do creative or artistic things; I went from being a prolific artist and vocal performer to doing neither by the time I was a freshman in college, because so many authority figures were so invested in telling me I shouldn’t. I’m sure I’ve been told not to waste my time writing, and Lord knows I internalized it, but it wasn’t enough to stop the compulsion.) 

But I’ve always wanted to sing, and it’s a thing humans do, and I don’t understand why I must have perfect pitch and good sight-reading and crystal-clear tone and a microphone-ready vocal persona in order to just sing songs. I have phenomenal by-ear learning skills and am really good at transpositions and have a great memory and a huge repertoire of songs I know cold and can perform without any backup or prompting, but none of those are things that Real Singers have or need, so I may as well never open my mouth. ??? It’s very weird, where we are as a society. (And there are almost no contexts where I feel not-awkward singing with other people present; people get weird about it. I only sing when I’m alone, now, or with very small children.)

 If you’re not pro-quality, you shouldn’t bother doing it. Alternately, if you’re not writing your own material, there’s nowhere you’re going to go. I don’t want to make a living at this, i just like to sing sometimes, and there’s so little space left in our society for someone who’s tolerably skilled at something doing it for fun. 

I remember sitting around a fire with a guitar, as an adolescent, and we were trying to have a singalong, and everyone present just wanted to wait for their turn to perform, or wanted to make requests, or whatever– nobody just wanted to participate. Even at SCA things, people just want to perform. And at sessions! People wouldn’t sing along with me, and others got upset if I sang along with them.

I’d join a church choir, but I haven’t found a church I don’t hate, so. 

anonymous asked:

Every time I see your Sniper/Medic fusion, I can't help but notice their four arms sticking out of the same armholes in their coat. So what if one day they cannot fuse but really want to anyway ((either because one's too sick and disoriented to dance/fuse or something like that)) so they end up in the same coat and try to walk around pretending to be fused even though they're obviously just two people stuck together in a lab coat.

Those dorks. Imagine them talking to someone, like Spy, and Medic/Sniper is being all serious but Spy is all like “Wtf?”   Ha! XD


I call it female en-porn-ment.

Bun in the Oven- Logan Paul Imagine (Part Two)

Bun in the Oven Part Two-Logan Paul Imagine

Life was good for you. Six and a half months pregnant, looking as healthy as ever and knowing that you were having not one, but two little baby boys, kept you going each day. You were waking up, to pee of course, at 2 in the morning, when an extremely harsh knock scared you out of your socks. You froze, not knowing who could be at your door at this hour of the night. So, you being as cautious as you were, you grabbed the closest, deadliest object near you. Taking your wine glass to the door you opened the deadbolt lock. You didn’t live in a bad part of town, right on Hollywood avenue but still, living alone always frightened you. Taking a deep breath, you swung the door open. You were extremely shocked. As you looked at some very familiar eyes. Light blue ones, that were now surrounded by a light shade of pink. He was soaked to the bone.
“Logan?” You barely whispered. He flashed a small white grin.
“Hey, you- you look amazing. I guess the pregnancy glow is real, huh?” His two hands reached out to your stomach, but you backed away on instinct. A very hurt expression came over Logan’s face. You were still standing in the doorway with a confused look on your face. Trying to figure out what he was doing here was like trying to figure out a quadratic function.
“Can I come in please? I am freezing out here.” You debated making him stay in the hallway and suffer, but you didn’t. Instead you moved out of the way and let him in.
“I can put your clothes in the dryer, yeah?” You said as you went to grab some of his extra clothes out of a box.
About half an hour later, Logan was sitting on your couch uncomfortably.
“Look, babe- “
“Don’t call me that.” You snipped.
“Right, sorry. I came here because I just needed to apologize to you. It’s been eating me alive, what I did to you. I can’t sleep most nights, I worry about you every single day. I needed to tell you that I’m sorry and I want you to come home. With me.”
“I am home Logan. Besides, you kicked me out. You didn’t want me there. Why would I come back?”
“Y/N please! I need you!”
“You need me? You need me?! I’ve needed you for the past 6 months! You weren’t there! I’ve been waddling around for 6 months by myself, supporting myself and not one, but two babies with no help, and you need me?” your voice was bouncing of the walls.
“Two babies?”
“Who the hell do you think you are Logan Paul? Some fuckboy who can get whatever and whoever he wants? You think I haven’t seen you hanging around dozens of girls? What the one hookers name? Ayla? Yeah, I know you slept with her.”
“Don’t talk about Ayla like that! You know what? Those two babies in your stomach wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for me! You better remember that. I tried to let you come back without any issue. But now, now you’ll be hearing from my lawyers” Logan’s finger was in your face and you harshly slapped it down.
“What? You’re going to sue for custody of two babies you wanted me to abort? The court will love that Logan! Love it!” you laughed in his face, clapping like a seal. Logan grabbed your wrist tightly out of midair and held them tightly at your sides. “Ow, Logan you’re hurting me. Let me go!’’ His strength was overpowering you, and there was nothing you could do but stand there. His alcohol stained breath fanned your face as he said:
“Do you ever hear about the non-famous parent winning the case? No, you don’t. Because it doesn’t happen! Those babies, will be mine, so you might as well give up now.”
“Do you ever hear about the dad winning the case?” you shot back, to which he responded by putting your wrists to your chest and shoving you backwards into the wall.
“Fuck you” he slurred.
“You already have dipshit!” you yelled as he walked out. You moved from the wall and winced as you held your back and stomach, praying that he wasn’t going to sue you.

WOOHOO THE HIGHLY AWAITED! Sorry about the late update seriously I feel so bad    fort 3 will be up by tomorrow at noon though  I was thinking for part three skip the court case drama and go into when the kids are like five or so and have one parent see the other out in public with the kids you know give me some thoughts or if you have a better idea let me know and ill give shoutouts and creds and all that yeeee thanks for reading 