like how ironic would that be

I was ironing napkins and tablecloths in the basement when she came to tell me how the grocery store didn’t have the case of wine they promised her. And while that is a bummer for sure. And we could just serve wine and nearly our whole group would be happy. Idgaf about anything right now. And she has a wine room full of wine. And like, she’s doing wine and warming a ham? And I the person that just wanted to disappear for the holidays is ironing linens. Collecting chairs and tables making three dishes…(you get the idea)

So I gave short flat responses because I’m pissed.

And she started crying.

Auntmurble: YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TOMORROW!

Me: right. What am I going to do, sit in my room? (While you ask me where stuff is) I didn’t want any of this.

Auntmurble: WELL I DONT WANT TO BE PUNISHED FOR IT!

Me: I didn’t want to be here but I have committed to doing this. I am doing this. I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN.

Auntmurble: I know you are.

(And she has asked if she can help me with anything like three times and she asked again)

Me: I don’t know how to answer that because I have no information to work with. (Like, was she going to use paper napkins? Because she sure wasn’t washing and ironing linens today. She doesn’t even have an iron.) I can’t discuss or plan with you because you don’t know either.

Still Me: I am going to make the best of these holidays and then I’m not doing this again.

Auntmurble: well that will be great for me!

Record
kevinvoncrastenburg
Record

I DID IT!!! I had to record it like 20 times (no lie) … in one record my sister was shouting in her room, in the second one an ambulance drove through my street etc. D:

I was tagged by @shhhushhh to record myself while going through the list and to answer the questions. ☺

Rules: Voice record yourself while going through the following list and answering the questions.

What is your name and/or username?
Where are you from?

pronounce the following words:

- Theatre
- Iron
- Salmon
- Caramel
- Fire
- Water
- New Orleans
- Furniture
- Both
- Again
- Probably
- Alabama
- Lawyer
- Coupon
- Mayonnaise
- Caught
- Naturally
- Envelope
- Twitter
- New York
- Crayon
- Tumblr

How would you address a group of two or more people?
What would you call a sale of unwanted items on your porch, in your yard, etc.?
What do you call a sweetened carbonated beverage?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call gym shoes?
Choose book and read a paragraph from it.
Do you speak a second language?.
End the video by saying any 3 words you want.

I wanna tag @simsophoniques@ladyrosedeversailles​ & @desiree-uk​ ♥
As always feel free to do or ignore it ♥

anonymous asked:

Dick and Jason were like "screw this mindless antagonistic rivalry DC keeps forcing us into for drama. We're going to move on and be bros". Tim and Damian have yet to mature or figure out how to escape this dreaded status quo. Actually no. Damian has seemed to have gotten over it. But then DC decided Tim has to be creepy and probably blame Damian for things he had no control over.

If Tim goes in like “you have no right to be Batman/you’ll be a shitty Batman so I’m the one who needs to take over Bruce’s legacy” Damian is gonna sharpen a katana on his bones in no time. Which would be ironic since the attempted murder is exactly what’s lacking between them in the current continuity, along with a good reason for them to hate each other.

Idk, this looks like one big mess I really would like to live without. 

It’s often been remarked that Spider-Man’s schtick wouldn’t work nearly so well if he didn’t live in a town with so many tall buildings, but consider: how well would Batman’s “I am the night” routine work if he was operating out of a normal city where people actually live, rather than a perpetually twilit urban hellscape that looks like the Art Deco movement had a one-night stand with Soviet Brutalism in a wrought-iron-and-gargoyle factory?

“Band names are just made up!”

Really?

Then I’m not surprised that Panic! At The Disco came from the lyrics of “Panic” by Name Taken (Panic at the disco/Sat back and took it slow).

Mikey Way used to work at a Barnes & Noble. While stacking books during his shift, he saw a book by Irvine Welsh called Five Tales Of Chemical Romance. He wrote the title down and showed it to his brother Gerard after he came home. Gerard agreed with the name for the band - he just added “My” to make it personal.

While performing for the first time, Fall Out Boy was nameless at that time. The band asked the audience to give them name suggestions. One of the audience yelled out “Fallout Boy”, who is the sidekick of Radioactive Man in The Simpsons. The name stuck.

Green Day is actually a slang for someone who does nothing but smoke marijuana all day. 

AC/DC was an acronym for “Alternating Current/Direct Current” on a electric sewing machine. Kinda fits the rhythm of the band if you think about it.

Black Veil Brides is a Roman Catholic term used to describe a woman who gives up her pleasures after getting married in a church so she could devote her life to God. Since marriage is the happiest moment of one’s life, the opposite of it is be having to attending a beloved’s funeral. 

Imagine Dragons is an anagram of letters from different words. The band kept a secret of revealing the words.

Joy Division is the name of a prostitution wing of a Nazi concentration camp from the novel The House of Dolls.

Avenged Sevenfold was mentioned in Genesis 4:24; “If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, Truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold.”

Coldplay was originally called “Starfish”. They renamed themselves after another friend’s band, who had named themselves after a book of collected poems, Child’s Reflections: Cold Play.

The Beatles misspelled their name to describe their music “beat”.

Nirvana is a term of Buddhism for a person who succeeds into transcending the human suffering and rebirth through many spiritual practices and meditation.

Linkin Park is the change of name of Lincoln Park, the same park where Chester used to drive past every day for band practice.

Pierce The Veil was a social term that Vic learned in his Sociology class. According to his professor, “piercing the veil” is a fancy term for cutting the root of a problem before it influences you.

Twenty One Pilots got its name when Tyler was in theatre class. The play he was studying was All My Sons which involved the main character allowing the flight of various planes after finding faulty parts. Due to his actions, the protagonist becomes responsible for the deaths of 21 pilots.

There are a couple reasons how The Who got its name. The most popular was that Pete Townshead’s grandmother often called popular bands “The Who?” due to her impaired hearing.

Of Mice & Men named themselves after the novel by John Steinback.

Paramore is a respelling of paramour which means “secret lover”.

Iron Maiden is the name of a torture device.

Foo Fighters were used by the Allies during the WWII to describe UFOs.

Evanescence means a disappearance/dissipation like vapor. The band chose this as they find it as the description of the temporal nature of life. 

Asking Alexandria was named after Alexander the Great.

All Time Low was mentioned in the song “Head On Collision” by New Found Glory.

Led Zeppelin refers to the Hindenburg disaster. Before the band was formed, Keith Moon and John Entwistle made a joke of how a supergroup containing themselves, Jimmy Page, and Jeff Beck would be a “lead balloon”, a British idiom for disastrous results.

Muse originates from the fact that the bandmates heard someone from their hometown suggested that a muse is hovering Teignmouth, England to explain why many of the town’s populace are becoming members of band.

The Misfits is the name of the 1961 film.

Yes, there are some bands whose names are inventive and original but seriously. There are many musical groups that I can count whose names come from something.

I think one of the most baffling memes of the last few years was the “Keep calm and ____” meme just because people disregarded the format more than any other meme I can think of. And I dont mean ironically like “look at me I am the captain now” how people would just throw phrases into it that didnt make sense, I mean how the phrase “keep calm” just because a marketing technique for literally anything. I saw a bumper sticker on a car this past weekend with the phrase “Keep calm and I am a Greyhound Owner.” The phrase “keep calm” adds nothing to it other than an excuse for the person to put a bumper sticker on their car saying that they are a greyhound owner. 

Another amazing example of this was when Ben Carson tweeted this image on his birthday, implying that people were fraught with anxiety only to be calmed by the fact that it was Ben Carson’s birthday.

anonymous asked:

pride and prejudice wasn't written as a resistance to the patriarchy djdjfhdhsj what

i mean i’ve been staring at this message for a solid minute now pondering how to reply, trying to figure out how ro reply, but honestly it boils down to one question: have you read it?

because literally the prevalent theme of pride & prejudice as well as other works of Austen—perhaps most visibly, sense & sensibility—is the ironic social commentary on the degraded role of women, as subjected and dependent on the way of whether they would marry well as they used to be?

like, honestly, what did you think it was about? sure it has a romance in it, but it’s probably one of the the most politically designed and carried out romantical arcs in literature, as it relies not so much on mutual affection, but rather darcy aknowledging his fault of diminishing elizabeth as an intelligent human being. at first, we see him as quite obviously set upon taking her for granted and applying stereotypes; startled with her outspoken attitude and clueless as to why she would reject him. because it IS surprising, that’s the point, given the context of Austen’s novel, the commonly praised choice would be to accept not only darcy, but mr collins without another thought. what do you think is the reason mrs bennet was so distraught all the time? there was no way of securing the future of her daughters other than marriage, we hear it being repeated over and over again—they cannot inherit their father’s fortune.

and—good grief. that’s the romantic ‘main plot’ concerning darcy and elizabeth alone, because the whole point is that he changes his beliefs and acknowledges elizabeth as an equal in the end. darcy isn’t exceptional for being surly and broody, he’s exceptional because he listens and learns.

but all the rest? the whole arc of charlotte, and her unhappy and dull marriage to mr collins, and the stark contrast with elizabeth. charlotte is not WRONG, she does the only thing she knows for certain will allow her to live in a respectful way without becoming ‘a burden to her parents’. the arc of lydia, basing off her portrayal against wickham? even with all his debt, infamy and faults, wickham’s opinion is at no point more blemished than lydia’s. that’s the point, that’s reiteraring the original notion of the disparity between men and women in regency England. the radiating, stinging paternalistic attitude of mr collins towards elizabeth when he marries charlotte and TELLS her that she would probably get no better chance. his absolute belief—corresponding with darcy’s, and contrasted with the latter’s rehabilitation later on—that elizabeth has no choice but accept him.

and elizabeth herself—for all the composition and impeccable manners, she IS a controversial figure in the novel. take the scene when she’s bashed by lady catherine de bourgh, the ongoing commentary on her being too forward with her opinions, the continuous bashing coming from her mother—the lingering threat that lizzy’s ‘stubbornness’ will cause her much trouble and, above all, prevent her from securing both her and the other sisters from absolute poverty when their father dies.

and, just … of course it’s written subtly, it’s conveyed in elizabeth’s wit, in austen’s slightly ironic narrative. the problem with the situation of women is not EXPLICITLY named and stated. it’s not modern times where we’re accustomed to forward addressing of feminist issues. no: it’s shown. it is not only the consistent theme in her works, it’s the prevalent theme of them. i mean, come on, there’s tonnes and tonnes of books that were NOT written with a purpose of targeting partiarchy. fuck, there are much MORE of such books than there is of the latter kind. But to choose Pride & Prejudice specifically, a novel which became one of the most famous books in the world, renowned for e x a c t l y t h i s … i cannot comprehend. please, at least consider this: do you really think the purpose of austen writing p&p was writing a romance? really? why would it become so much of a literature landmark, then?

i don’t mean to be nasty and honestly, go and have your opinion, you’re perfectly entitled to it, but it does make me sad that a novel that is a witty, outsanding and one of a kind social commentary on the plight of women in a specific time period written by a woman IN the time period is turned into something as common as a novel with a romantic plot. that’s all.

Big Ol’ Honkin’ OC Question List-- Long Post Ahead!

  Alright, here we go– I put together a list of questions about OCs that you can reblog and have people send in asks for you! I set it up so you can be like, “A3″, “D2″, et cetera… Keep checking in here to the original post in case I add some more to the list! In the meantime, I hope y’all have some fun with this and maybe use it to learn a little bit more about your OCs or get to share things about them!!

A. Psychology

  1. What of the Meyers-Briggs personality types they most fit into? INFP, ENFT, et cetera…
  2. What alignment are they? Chaotic neutral, lawful evil, et cetera…
  3. Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it? 
  4. Are they a pessimist or an optimist? 
  5. Are they good at handling change in their life?
  6. Does your OC tend to assume their interpretation of events and reality is correct, or do they question it? I.e., “I’m sure that’s what you said” versus “It’s possible I misheard you.”
  7. Is your OC confident in their reactions to life in general, or do they get embarrassed or easily shamed for it? I.e., if something startles them, do they insist it WAS scary? When they cry, do they feel like they overreacted?
  8. Is your OC a martyr?
  9. Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others? 
  10. Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily?
  11. Does your OC put others’ needs before their own?
  12. Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves? 
  13. Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?
  14. Is your character empathetic?
  15. Is your character observant?
  16. Does your OC have to go through their own trials to learn a lesson, or do they listen and learn from observation and lecture? I.e., does your OC listen when someone tries to tell them the importance of budgeting, or do they have to go experience what happens if you don’t budget first?
  17. What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves?
  18. Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?
  19. What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood?
  20. Are they harsh on themselves?
  21. Do they make excuses often?
  22. Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?
  23. Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?
  24. What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it?

B. Social

  1. Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?
  2. Do they get frustrated when lines at places like pharmacies, check-outs, delis, banks, et cetera, are moving slowly?
  3. Under what situations would they get angry at servers, staff, customer service, et cetera?
  4. Do they tip well? How easily can they be moved to not leave a tip?
  5. Do they hold doors open for people?
  6. Would your OC let someone ahead of them in line if your OC had a big cart and the person behind them had very few items?
  7. How do they respond to babies crying in public?
  8. Is your OC considered funny? Do they believe they’re funny?
  9. What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…
  10. Does your OC find any “bad” or “mean” humor funny? Do they wish they didn’t?
  11. Your OC is running late to meeting someone: Do they let the other person know? Do they lie about why they’re late?
  12. Your OC orders something to eat and gets their order done in a pretty wrong way, something they can’t just pick off or whatnot to correct, or something major is missing. What do they do?
  13. Do they have a large or small group of friends?
  14. Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?
  15. Does your OC enjoy social events, such as parties, clubs, et cetera..?
  16. Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix?

C. Morality

  1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?
  2. Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it?
  3. Is it important for them to be with people (socially, intimately, whatever) whose major ideological tenets align with their own?
  4. Do they consider themselves superior or more important than anyone else? Lesser?
  5. Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?
  6. What do they do when they see someone asking for money or food? If they ignore them, why? If they help, how so?
  7. Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort? 
  8. Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

D. Religion and Life and Death

  1. How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?
  2. Do they believe in an afterlife?
  3. How comfortable are they with the idea of death?
  4. Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?
  5. Do they believe in ghosts? If not, why? If so, do they think they’re magical/tie into their religion, or are they scientifically plausible?

E. Education and Intelligence

  1. Would you say that your OC is intelligent? In what ways? Would your OC agree?
  2. Which of the nine types of intelligence is your OC strongest in? Weakest? (Linguistic, existential, naturalist, et cetera)
  3. How many languages do they speak?
  4. Did they enjoy school if they went to it?
  5. What’s their highest education level? Do they want to continue their education?
  6. Do they enjoy learning? Do they actively seek out sources of self-education?
  7. Are they a good note-taker? Are they a good test-taker? Do exams make them nervous?
  8. What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets?

F. Domestic Habits, Work, and Hobbies

  1. What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there?
  2. What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?
  3. Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?
  4. How clean are they overall with home upkeep?
  5. How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?
  6. How much do they work? What do they do? Do they enjoy it?
  7. What’s their “dream career” or job situation?
  8. How often are they home?
  9. Are they homebodies and enjoy being home?
  10. Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?
  11. What are some of their favorite things to do for recreation? How did they get into it? What part of it do they like the most?
  12. Would they enjoy a theme park?

G. Family and Growing Up

  1. Is your OC close to their family?
  2. Who makes up your OC’s family, at least the more important members to them?
  3. Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not?
  4. What kind of childhood did your OC have?
  5. Did they go through any typical phases growing up?
  6. Do they have any favorite childhood memories?
  7. Do they have any childhood memories they’d rather forget or be less affected by?

H. Romance and Intimacy

  1. What is your OC’s orientation, romantic and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientation?
  2. Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?
  3. Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?
  4. Does your OC believe in love in first sight?
  5. Does your OC believe in marriage (or their culture’s equivalent)?
  6. Has your OC ever cheated on anyone or been cheated on?
  7. What do they look for in partners? (Emotionally, mentally, physically..)
  8. What’s your OC’s idea of a perfect date?
  9. What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners?

I. Food

  1. What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera?
  2. Do they have any eating requirements or preferences? Allergies, vegetarian, organic-only, religious restrictions…
  3. Are they vegan/vegetarian (if their overall culture/species generally aren’t)? If so, why? Do they think animal products are wrong in all circumstances?
  4. How often do they cook? Do they order out a lot?
  5. Are they a good cook?
  6. Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

J. Politics, Current Events, Environmental Aspects

  1. Where does your OC stand most politically? What would they align with most?
  2. How politically aware are they?
  3. How politically active are they?
  4. Is your OC the sort to fall for fake news? If not, do they ignore it or make a point to clarify that it’s wrong?
  5. Are they or would they protest for a cause they’re passionate about?
  6. How do they react to people whose political viewpoints are very opposite of theirs?
  7. How much interest in environmental health do they have?
  8. In reality-based or applicable worlds, do they believe in global warming? Do they recycle?

K. For OCs in Reality-Based Worlds Who Are Unusual in Paranormal Ways (such as magical abilities, being another species, having a curse like lycanthropy, sci-fi abilities, being from another time, et cetera)– Also for OCs where the scenario is similar even if their universe isn’t based on reality

  1. Does your OC have to keep their paranormal aspect (PA) a secret from general society? If so, how? I.e., they can’t discuss their abilities, they have to hide a tail, they have an alter-ego, et cetera. What would happen if society found out about it?
  2. Are there others in their universe with the same or a similar PA as your OC? I.e., others from different dimensions, others of their same species. Do they know about it?
  3. Does your OC have any friends who know about their PA? Any enemies?
  4. Does your OC ever use their PA to get an advantage? I.e., use their ability to be invisible to steal or get out of things, compete in track while their species is a naturally superior runner, use their invulnerability in careers like police work… If so, do they have any hang-ups about it?
  5. Does your OC feel isolated or unrelatable due to the experience their PA brings with it? If so, how do they deal with it?
  6. Does their PA cause issues in daily life? I.e., if they’re inhuman in a human universe and they can’t go to a doctor or risk the doctor realizing they are not human, super abilities with physical drawbacks, they don’t have control of their abilities and must keep to themselves, et cetera… If so, how do they feel about it?
  7. Does your OC’s PA affect their dietary habits so that they are unusual or problematic by their society’s standards?
  8. What are some routines, if any, of self-care that your OC must engage in that are not typical of their society? I.e., having to file their teeth, maintaining magical rituals, drinking blood…
  9. Does your OC have knowledge that they can’t share with the rest of their world that could improve it if it didn’t cause chaos? I.e., a character from the future knowing about technology not yet invented, but they can’t reveal themselves by sharing it?
  10. Would your OC give up their PA if they could? Why or why not?

L. For the Writer/Owner

  1. How have your characters changed since you created them?
  2. What do you consider the biggest themes in your character, if any?
  3. Did you create the character to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you?
  4. Would you hang out with your OC if you could?
  5. Which OC do you think is the most decent morally or behaviorally?  AKA, which is supposed to a “good guy”?
  6. Which OC do you think is the worst morally or behaviorally? AKA, which is supposed to be a “bad guy”?
  7. Which OC do you think is the most attractive?
  8. What’s the longest you’ve had an OC for?
  9. How did you come up with your OC?
Dating Tom Holland would include:

A/N: this is way longer than I expected but I ope it’s still good :) feedback is appreciated!!

Tom // You

  • Him being super touchy in public
  • Always wanting to hold your hand
  • Or put his arm around your waist
  • Or rest his hand on your thigh
  • Literally anything that includes any kind of physical contact with you
  • But not in a sexual way
  • Well sometimes it is in a sexual way ;)
  • Like teasing you under the table at some kind of formal event
  • Or when you’re having dinner with your family
  • You being super mad at him for doing that in front of your parents
  • Thomas Stanley Holland!!! What the fuck is wrong with you??
  • I don’t know what you’re talking about, darling
  • You getting incredibly sexually frustrated whenever he did that, which usually lead to sex ;)
  • Sex with him being either quick, rough and loud; or slow, quiet and passionate
  • But good nevertheless
  • Marvel movie marathons
  • You too would be watching Iron Man all cuddled up
  • And Tom would be constantly talking about how he knows RDJ
  • Tom, I swear to God. Shut the fuck up.
  • Tess joining your movie marathon
  • Or Harrison
  • Tom and you pretending to be annoyed by the fact that Haz was there
  • But actually not minding because you two love him to the moon and back
  • The three of you being absolutely inseparable
  • As well as Tom’s siblings and you
  • And the SM:H cast and you
  • Basically everyone in Tom’s life adores you
  • Especially Tom
  • Him literally staring at you in awe every time you do anything
  • Anything
  • You could literally be making his sugary tea
  • And he would be staring at you like you were an angel
  • What’s wrong?” You’d ask, turning to look at him
  • Nothing’s wrong, darling.
  • Then why are you looking at me like that?
  • It’s just… How the hell do you manage to look so perfect all the time?
  • You’d roll your eyes. “Like you’re one to say that
  • This happening at least once a day
  • Which usually lead to the two of you going on and on about how much you love each other
  • Harrison, Jacob and Harry being totally sick of you two.
  • “We get it guys. You love each other. Can we move on before I throw up?”
  • You two being all over twitter, facebook, instagram or any kind of social media as #couplegoals
  • for weeks
  • Tom’s fans absolutely adoring you
  • Because you make Tom happy and that’s all they care about
  • Hearing his morning voice for the first time after your first night together when you to visit him while on tour
  • Like you’d both be laying in bed in the morning,and you’d be looking at him while he slept
  • Thinking about how much you love him especially after last night ;)
  • Stop staring at me. It’s creepy.
  • You having at least three mental orgasms after hearing his raspy morning voice.
  • Shut up, Stanley.
  • He’d immediately open his eyes and rolling over till he was on top of you.
  • Don’t call me that.
  • He would say that in a really dominant tone, and he’d still have morning voice
  • So let’s just say you’d be pretty turned on
  • So you decided to tease him a little
  • Or what?
  • You don’t want to find out, love.
  • You’d both have teasing little smirks on your face
  • Oh, I think I do, Stanley
  • Hot, needy, loud morning sex!!!!!!!!
  • Harrison banging on your bedroom wall
  • “Oh, bloody hell!!! It’s nine in the morning, stop shagging, for fuck’s sake!!”
  • Both of you bursting out in laughter
  • Resting your head on his chest and wrapping your arms around his waist when you’re done
  • Him kissing the top of your head and holding you as close to him as possible
  • I love you so much, it’s insane
  • I love you too, Stanley.
I first tried to kill myself when I had just turned 19 years old,
to this day I remember the feeling of the pills going down my throat,
swallowing them so effortlessly
as though it were my destiny.
As though I was built with this capacity 
to self destruct,
built with the capacity
to destroy this body that my mother pushed out into the world.
‘Ironic,’ I thought.
A month after my birthday, I try to take my life,
I end up in the psychiatric ward of the hospital I was born in.
I make a tally for every time I looked around the empty room
and wondered how I could make things final this time.
I make a tally for every time someone says I don’t look like
I’m supposed to be there.
I make a tally for every lie I’ve told:
Were you sexually abused? [x]
Did you have prior suicidal thoughts? [x]
Would you do it again? [x]
Do you use drugs or alcohol? [x]
I lie and deny it all, but how do you deny what’s in your blood?
I was built with an addictive personality,
my mother likes pretty little white lines and risky sex
and my father likes hard liquor and smoking cigarettes. 
I was built with this capacity to deceive,
built with a baby face and angel wings,
but I sink my claws and watch myself bleed whenever I can’t feel a thing.
And I’m decomposing,
hiding empty bottles in my closet, in the hamper, and under my bed.
I can’t flourish with the thoughts screaming,
‘USE ME, USE ME. DON’T HANDLE WITH CARE.’
So don’t ask me why I hate the beach,
because I can’t control anything around me
other than my food intake.
And don’t ask me why I can’t wear shorts anymore
or why I wear long sleeves in 80 degree weather.
Don’t ask why I stay in places I shouldn’t
when I’ve already accepted my fate.
To live as fire, consume all that I can, before I quickly burn out.
Send me a shade of color for my OC(s) to answer

Red - What makes you angry?

Crimson - Have you ever been in war? If so, describe how it impacted you

Maroon - What are you most passionate about?

Imperial - Are you in any position of power or authority? 

Ruby - Would you consider yourself impulsive or reckless?

Chili - Do you like spicy foods?

Brick - What are some things you dislike?

Rose - Would you consider yourself a romantic person?

Redwood - How tall are you? 

Wine - What is your opinion on alcohol? (and does it exist in your world?) 

Orange - What are some of your comfort foods?

Spice - Do you like to cook? Do you cook often?

Tangerine - What is your favorite fruit?

Peach - Are you generally a more gentle and soft spoken person or a louder and rougher person? 

Squash - Do you live in an agricultural setting?  If so, are you a farmer or something of the sort? What kind of crops do you grow?

Amber - Do you wield any sort of superpower? If so, what is it?  

Honey - Have you ever considered marrying someone? What is your opinion on marriage in general? 

Sandstone - Who in your life has been the most healing for you?

Rust - Have you thought about becoming old? Can you become old? Are you scared of being old? What do you think about elders? 

Pumpkin - What is your favorite part of Autumn? (If that exists in your world)

Jumpsuit - Have you ever been arrested/ in trouble with authority?

Bronze - What is your favorite way to warm up when it’s cold 

Yellow - Are you an optimist or a pessimist? 

Dandelion - Would you consider yourself stubborn? 

Marigold - What types of flowers are in your setting? Do you have a favorite?

Blonde - What is your hair color? do you like it?

Lemon - Are you more of a clean or dirty person?

Safety - What is the most traumatic experience in your life?

Gold - Would you consider yourself more rich or poor, in comparison to the world you live in?

Butterscotch - Is there candy in the world you live in? If so, do you have a favorite one? 

Daffodil - Do you like trying new things? What is something new you’d like to try?

Sunshine - Are you a more active or lazy person? 

Green - Was there ever a time in your life that you went through a period of growth? describe it. 

Juniper - What is the nature like in your setting? 

Shamrock - Do you believe in luck? If so, are you a generally lucky person?

Pine- If camping exists in your wold, have you gone camping? did you like it? do you go often?

Green tea - Does Tea it exist in your world?  If so do you like it, and which kind is your favorite? 

Fern - Would you enjoy running a flower shop? 

Seafoam - Are there bodies of water in your setting? Describe them if you can

Mint - Does Ice cream exist in your world? If so, what is your favorite Ice cream flavor? 

Laurel - Is there a major victory you’ve achieved in your life? if so, what is it? 

Emerald - If you could be immortal, would you want to be? 

Brunswick - Are you a person who is often jealous? what makes you jealous most often? 

Avocado - Are you a health nut or a fan of junkfood? 

Army - Do you have a fighting style? If so, what is it?

Olive - What is your Greek personality type? (sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, or melancholic)

Blue - Are you a creative person? How do you like to be creative? 

Peacock - Are you a more flashy person, or do you like to blend in?

Sky - What is your favorite time of the day?

Arctic - Do you prefer warm or cool weather? 

Cerulean- What is your favorite way to cool down in hot weather?

Baby (blue) - Would you consider having children? If so, how many?

Periwinkle -  Would you consider yourself to be a good parent? what do you think a good parent should be?

Denim - What is your fashion style?

Navy - have you ever been on a boat/sailing? does it exist in your world? did you enjoy it? 

Ultramarine - What is your favorite aquatic creature? (if they exist) 

Cobalt - Do you live in a world with freedom? Describe your opinion on the subject

Teal - What makes you feel most at peace? 

Turquoise - Are you good at communicating your feelings?   

Lapis - What is your opinion on religion and the afterlife? 

Aegean - Would you consider yourself a wise person? who do you look to for wisdom? 

Purple - Is there magic in your world? if so, describe how it works

Violet - What is your ideal date?

Lilac - How would someone win you over?

Lavender - what is a smell you really like? 

Royal - How do politics work in your world?

Eggplant - What’s the weirdest thing you’ve eaten?

Amethyst- What is your aesthetic?

Mauve - What makes you feel nostalgic? 

Magenta - What is your Zodiac sign? 

Pink - Are you currently in a relationship? if so, who is your partner? 

Watermelon - what are your favorite summer activities?  

Bubblegum - Are you a sassy or sarcastic person? 

Salmon - Do you have any health issues or physical disabilities? 

Blush - Do you have a crush on anyone? If so, who is it?

Cotten candy - Would you say you have a sweet tooth?

Carnation - Are you comfortable with PDA? 

Rouge- Do you have an unpopular opinion? 

Pastel - Do you prefer pastel, bright, neon, or dark colors?

Coral - Do you have a strong moral code? What are some moral things that you feel strongly about?

Fuchsia - Are you a generally playful or goofy person? Who or what makes you feel playful or goofy? 

White - Do you consider yourself a good person? What’s the best thing you’ve ever done for somebody?

Snow - Have you ever seen snow? Do you like it? What do you like to do in the snow? 

Frost - What do you like to wear in cold weather?

Bone - When was the first time you ever witnessed death? How did it impact you?

Cotton - What do you like to wear for pajamas? 

Cream - Do you prefer Tea, Coffee, or Cocoa? (If your world has those things. If not, what sort of hot drinks do you have?)

Coconut - What would be your ideal vacation? 

Pearl - What do you look for in a romantic partner?

Parchment - Do you like to read or write? 

Lace - What would you name your child if you were to have one?

Porcelain - Do you consider yourself a delicate person? Do you fall apart easily? 

Salt - Would you consider yourself a mean person? What is it like to fight with you? 

Ghost- Are you easily scared? What scares you the most? 

Ivory - Do you play any musical instruments? If so, which ones and how well? 

Chiffon - Do you prefer a larger and cleaner environment, or a smaller and cozier one?

Alabaster - What is the most recognizable thing about you? What are people most likely to notice about you when they first meet you?

Egg-nog - Do you celebrate Christmas? If so, what traditions do you have? Which are your favorite?

Ecru - Do you have curly, wavy, or straight hair? 

Beige - What kind of foods do you eat when you’re bored?

Tan - What is your skin color? Do you like it, or do you wish you looked different?

Buttermilk - Do you prefer pancakes or waffles? (if those exist in your world)

Oatmeal - What is your usual breakfast?

Linen - What clothes do you wear to work?

Sugar cookie - What reminds you of your childhood? 

Sand - Have you ever been to a beach? If so, what’s your favorite thing to do at the beach? 

Hazel - What kind of folklore/myths/stories are told in your family/community?

Sepia - Do you have any hobbies? If so, what are they?

Buff - Would you consider yourself to be fit, fat, or skinny?

Latte - Do you like milk in your hot drinks? 

Brown- Where do you call home? 

Mocha - How do you like your coffee? (If you like coffee) 

Cinnamon - Which of the “Cinnamon Roll” memes fits you best? (looks like they could kill but is actually a cinnamon roll, looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you, looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll, looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you, or sinnamon roll)

Tawny - Cats or Dogs? (or any animal for that matter)

Hickory - How smart are you? Would you consider yourself more book smart or street smart?

Leather - How “basass” would you say you are?

Brunette - If you could change your hair color, what would you change it to? 

Gingerbread - What is your favorite holiday? 

Penny - If you could make a substantial living doing anything, what would you do?

Chocolate - Do you like chocolate? If so, what is your favorite way to eat it? 

Chestnut - Have you ever ridden an animal? If so, which one? 

Umber - Who do you call your friend? How many Friends do you have?

Carob - What do you look for in a friend? 

Cedar - How old are you? 

Caramel - How much does sugar affect you? 

Mahogany- What is your moral alignment? (Lawful good, Neutral good, Chaotic good, Lawful neutral, True neutral, Chaotic Neutral, Lawful evil, Neutral evil, Chaotic Evil)   

Peanut - Do you have any allergies? 

Grey/Gray - Introvert, Extrovert, or Ambivert? 

Shadow - What is your biggest regret? 

Silver - What do you imagine the future to be like? 

Graphite - Do you like to draw? If so, do you draw often? What do you like to draw?

Smoke - Have you ever taken any drugs? 

Fog - Was there ever a period in your life when you were confused and lost? how did you get out of it? 

Fossil - Do you have any older relatives other than your parents? If so, how many? Do you like them? 

Slate - If you could erase any memory from your life, would you do it? If so, which memory would you chose? 

Cloud - What do you spend the majority of your time thinking about? 

Ash - Is there something or someone from your past that you miss? 

Iron - Have you ever used a weapon? Do you own one? If so what is it?

Black - What is the darkest thing you’ve ever done? 

Ebony - Describe your family

Onyx - What are your nightmares most often about? 

Obsidian - Do you suffer from any mental disabilities? 

Spider - What irrational fears do you have? 

Charcoal - on a scale of one to ten how would you rate your survival skills? 

Soot - How hard do you work to achieve your goals? 

Midnight - Are you a night or morning person?

Raven - Can you fly? If not, do you ever dream about flying? 

Ink - write your autobiography in one sentence 

on the new Iron Fist series

So after binge watching a ton of Marvel’s new Iron Fist series, I went onto tumblr, wondering what the fandom was up to now, what with all these new gifs and stuff to make. ‘Maybe I would find some fan art or something’ I thought innocently to myself,

BUT BOY WAS I WRONG

instead, I was greeted with SO MUCH DISCOURSE on how Iron Fist ‘needs a chinese-american actor’ or ‘has terrible dialogue and is slow’.

the best part is when I found out that some of y’all are trying to get this show boycotted like ‘????’

Now as a Chinese-speaking Asian female, living in Asia, with an Asian background and a good know-how of Chinese history, as well as a decent knowledge of comic books, (although I confess I got into the animated series first) I’m here to end the discussion before y’all get your full rage on and start fighting fans of the show like it’s Lord of the Flies up in here

So keep reading if you want to be educated or if you just want to fight me before you know what you’re even talking about

“THE SHOW INSULTS CHINESE CULTURE”

Uhhhh…no? I’ve seen a few episodes and I mean so far there isn’t really anything that screams ‘insult’ or even offensive in the slightest. Besides maybe the fact that they take the beliefs and twist them a little bit but honestly even that ain’t that bad as to what I’ve seen elsewhere.

I’ve read the boycott post and let me say that yea, they dressed him with an eye for Asian elements, but maybe that’s because it’s supposed to be resembling Asian clothing? I mean how is that offensive? Is it the part that it looks Asian? Or that you simply feel that white people that direct these shows should not be using Asian stuff for entertainment? Because I hate to break it to you but it’s still not offensive. Even the dragon tattoo is totally fine because it’s supposed to resemble Asian elements yea but also have y’all read the comics? Because he punched through a dragon and basically took it’s heart. So I mean a dragon tattoo kinda matches the theme.

I mean in the first episode they speak almost flawless Chinese for Pete’s sake! Hell, I was surprised that they even had it in them to have a non-Google translated line. Sure the accent was a little overdoing it cuz not even I have that thick a Chinese accent but I’ll excuse it since he was apparently learning and speaking 15 years. (I speak it maybe a few times a day for like the last 14 years or so only)

So no, the show doesn’t really insult Chinese culture, sure they might be ignorant, but you must understand that after generations of stereotypes and misconceptions that that can’t just go away with one show

“Danny Rand should be played by an Asian guy/be a Chinese-American”

I can’t even begin to tell you my frustration about this.

Y’all do know this show is based on the comics right?

You know, the one with the white guy.

I know Marvel is infamous for not including enough representation in their shows but seriously? This is like the Harry Potter thing all over again with Hermione being black, it’s not that we don’t want representation or anything, but it’s the fact that this hero that us comic fans have come to already love has been replaced. Or at least it feels like it. Like when a movie is made from a book and people go crazy because character XYZ suddenly has different traits or isn’t quite what was described as compared to the book.

Frankly, it sucks.

So even though yes, Marvel should have more Asians in their shows, don’t expect them to completely give the main character a makeover, even if the makeover was supposed to provide representation. And honestly? I don’t want them to change him because I really freaking love Iron Fist, just as he is.

“This show just villainizes Asians”

So you tell me that my race is being made villains because Marvel decided that most of their Asians on their shows are evil ninjas (aka the Hand) and at most there are like 3 sorta good Asians. Oh and I’m sorry, you want more Asian men that are good guys? You want a balance of Asian heroes?

Well I guess that would be kind of hard to fit into the story since, oh, I don’t know, everything happens in the USA?

If you want more Asian characters well then look no further because you do have them. Daisy Johnson from Agents of Shield? What about her extremely brave mom? Or maybe Colleen in Iron Fist? Everyone seems to be blatantly ignoring her badassery and only seeing the part where she’s a sorta love interest.

Facts are, there are Asian characters, you’re really just looking hard enough. I agree wholeheartedly when you say that more Asian men need to be in the Marvel universe that aren’t part of the bad guy team but you gotta say that they are still awesome.

Does anyone even remember the Japanese ninja yakuza guy from Daredevil? Dude got set on fire and STILL came back to kick ass. That’s a plus in my book because even though he’s considered bad, he’s been proven to be cunning, smart, and overall awesome.

“The show has terrible stunts/acting/dialogue/fight scenes”

From here on out it’s mostly just me trying to explain why the directors and writers of the show made decisions in the show to make it what it is, so let’s dive right into it.

  • STUNTS

Actually the stunts weren’t half-bad. If you’ve seen other shows or movies that are heavily reliant on stunts and action, and compare it to this show, they really aren’t that much different. Sure it might seem a little unbelievable sometimes like they’re breaking physics or something, but he already has a glowing fist. I think we’ve crossed the line of believable long ago.

  • ACTING

I have nothing to say about this except that go and take some acting or drama classes before coming and criticizing these awesome men and women who did indeed try their best

  • DIALOGUE

Now I get the dialogue might be a little weird at times and what not, but you must understand that this show was partially written with the Defenders series in mind. So almost everything that was said in the show is meant to lead to something more. Thus, you must take it as a bigger picture. Sorta like how everyone said that Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them wasn’t as good as they thought it would be, that movie was also meant to lead on to a bigger story so you might want to excuse the weird speech and cryptic lines at times.

  • FIGHT SCENES & ACTION

Okay seriously people, please read the comics. Danny Rand is supposed to be an accidental hero, one that doesn’t want to fight unless he really has zero choice in the matter. So yea, the fight scenes won’t be that interesting, but only because the character in question is more interested in ending the fight than anything.

~

So there you have it, my whole slightly angry info-dump on Iron Fist and Marvel’s representation problem in general. If you want to correct me or scold me even then by all means message me or shoot me an ask. But just keep in mind that Marvel can’t make all your problems go away in one show, and please for the love of all that is good read the comics before coming to rant okay?

honestly one of my favourite things abt tony becoming iron man is that like…he didn’t have a trial run? like sure, he tested the flight systems, but he didn’t go try to fight crime in his own backyard to see how it would go first. he had a purpose!! he had the vague outline of a plan!!! he finally knew what he had to do and he knew in his heart it was right!!!! my deeply traumatized furious civilian son stepped into the suit of armour that he built in his basement, flew directly to afghanistan, and fucked up a tank

Being Tony Stark’s Daughter would include...

So this is my first kind of “would include” headcanon so let’s see if I do this right…it’s kinda long and i have no idea id this is what it woild be like so I just went for it xD

Tony Stark / Headcanon Masterlists


  • Actually turning out okay
  • Being the result of an old girlfriend– not really sure what happened to her. Tony never talked about her, you’re his main priority now. 
  • Not many people thought Tony would be able to handle a child, let alone one of the opposite sex
  • But he can actually be really chill
  • As a child he spoiled you so much, but he’s learned to calm down over the years
  • But when you want something you ask for it and he does the “on a scale of one to this will kill you if i don’t buy it” how badly do you need it?” but he usually almost always buys what you want. because stark.
  • You were exposed to the party scene very early on. The press was always interested in hearing from the perspective of Tony’s daughter
  • Pepper being your mother figure and her loving you even if you aren’t her own
  • You and Pepper hanging out when Tony is busy
  • She loves you so much
  • Tony calls a press conference? Pepper is there to watch after you. Tony has to save the world with the Avengers? Pepper keeps you in her sight to make sure you are okay
  • Oh man when he went missing in 2008, Pepper took you in because you felt safest with her without your father around
  • You were the most worried when he went missingIt was the worst time of your life, hearing your father was missing and presumed dead
  • Pepper came into the house one day “(Y/N)! HE’S BEEN FOUND! TONY IS ALIVE!”
  • Bursting into tears so quickly
  • Going with Pepper to see him when he arrived back and losing it even more when you actually got to hug your dad for what felt like the first time in forever
  • Tony being so relieved he got to hold you again, he didn’t know if it would ever happen
  • You basically forced him to tell you how he escaped meaning you learned so quickly about the Iron Man project
  • Spending so much time in the labs either just keeping company or helping
  • Trying to make your own AI since Tony has JARVIS why not try to make one yourself
  • Not actually doing too bad
  • Vacations were the shit because you could just hop on a private plane with your father and go wherever was decided
  • You basically forced him to tell you how he escaped meaning you learned so quickly about the Iron Man project
  • You wanting to build your own Iron Daughter suit but Tony freaking out that it’s too dangerous for you
  • “Then why do you do it? You’re my dad! It looks like so much fun!”
  • “It comes with a lot of responsibility, (Y/N), it’s not a toy.”
  • “So? I want to be like you! I look up to you and I want to do the things you do. I want to protect the world too, I can take care of myself.”
  • “I know you can…but I can’t risk it. I can’t risk losing you.”
  • And then you realize how much your father actually cares for you and you dropped the whole suit thing
  • [after the avengers becomes a thing] Having many ideas that you share with the science bros™
  • Bruce loves you because you can annoy Tony to death
  • Always pulling the “Steve would let me do that…” card to get Tony to let you do things
  • Meeting Peter and tony either loving him or “don’t touch my daughter, Peter Parker.”
  • The Avengers really is just one big family and they love you too
  • Never wanting the Accords to become a thing. Luckily, your young mind was able to talk sense into everyone and help them realize they’re being stupid the avengers can’t split up. someone go save the old russian soldier and everyone hug it out.
  • Tony and Steve still argue about everything, though, there is no getting out of that
  • “How do you deal with him?” Natasha asks you almost daily about your father
  • But there will always be the kind of sarcastic-loving-family relationship. 
  • Basically you are the glue for Pepper and Tony’s relationship and even though they took a break when the Accords stuff was happening, they got back together and you couldn’t be more happy
  • thats all ive got right now so xD
2

There was a huge push from Asian-Americans to cast an Asian-American actor as Iron Fist, and it would have made this story more compelling for precisely the reasons you’re saying: The narrative of having an Asian-American going back to Asia after losing his parents as a metaphor for regaining power is a really great one. It feels like a missed opportunity.
It is a missed opportunity. That’s exactly how I feel about it, word for word. It would’ve been a brave thing to do, for sure, for Marvel. I can see how that was difficult to make that decision. I think, personally, it would’ve paid off. But I think it’ll come next because people are feeling underrepresented. People are like, “Yo, this was a perfect opportunity to represent us.” They chose not to, and it’s not even their fault. I see why they stuck to the source material because it’s very risky to move away from that, but they’ll move away from it in other areas and in other shows where they’ll take an Asian character and make him white. So you can’t really win with that argument. Because we’ve seen many times when they’ve taken Asian characters and made him white.

[ At The Dinner Table ]

Clint: Random question. Who would you guys marry?

Bucky: …/silently points his fork at Tony/

Loki: The dwarf would make for a pretty pet.

T’Challa: Be careful with that muffin, Tony. You might bite into some gold.

Quill: /whips out a lighter/ Let me just burn that muffin real quick-

Steve: You guys can’t be serious.

Thor: The Man of Iron does make a suitable bride…

Nat: /turns to Tony/ And how about you, kitten?

Tony: I like this Tony fella too.

The people for Tony Stark?

Okay, I was talking with my sister about how awesome it would be if in the wake of Civil War, that the people/public in North and South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, EVERYWHERE! Just showed a subtle but strong solidarity for Tony Stark/Iron Man using what Tony is super into. Technology.
Like, picture this:
Hashtags; Tony is trending for MONTHS.
“I stand for the man that stands with me👏🏽 #IStandWithTonyStark #CaptainAmericaWho?”
“#IronMan with a #ironwill for the people and what’s right!”

People view the footage of the airport battle from the grainy cameras posted all over like crazy because someone uploaded it to YouTube. It’s not the best but you can see how team cap just didn’t pull any punches and how Tony had tried to talk despite not hearing what he’s saying. He looks broke , trying to hold everything together.
People lose their minds when they see Cap’s team charge first and when Rhodes falls from the sky and Tony dives after him.
The comments light up and bbbuuuuurrrrrnnn team cap.
“lmao what a fucking joke. tony is trying to talk to him and do you see this guys body language? he’s not hearing anything. Dude wouldn’t even listen to a team member let alone 117 countries”
“LOOK AT THEM, THEY LET THE HYDRA WITCH BITCH ON THEIR TEAM IN NOTHING FLAT BUT GOD FORBID THEY LISTEN TO IRON MAN”
“Yooo, legit they just kept flying after seeing War Machine go down like that? I saw Falcon turn around but I don’t care man, you’ve LIVED and FOUGHT with this dude and he’s obviously seriously hurt and you just keep flying away in the jet you stole??? Cowards. Pathetic.”
“They really look like they’re trying to kill the real heroes. Fuck I’m glad we have Iron Man and Co. with us”

People organize a day online; through tumblr, twitter, insta, Facebook, any way to get the news out that you wear red on this day and you just subtly grab a pen and draw a circle in your palm for a repulsor just like Iron Man’s. And everything blows up that way. News networks talk about it and talk show hosts, the paper has articles on how the public is showing an unimaginable support for Iron Man and the rest of his team that stayed and fought for them and continue to fight for them during the revision of the Accords.

And I want it to be on the news so much that team cap has to watch it and has to know how much everyone loves Tony and what he’s doing and how he went about it. And how he is an actual hero who did his best and how much the public believe and appreciate him.

My advice:

Please don’t watch Neo Yokio if you are looking for some intentionally pensive, thoughtful, well animated, well voice-acted, plot-driven show 

Please do watch Neo Yokio if:

  • You are here for Jaden Smith’s anime persona embodying Jaden Smith’s tweets
  • You want to hear Jude Law voice a mecha robot 
  • You live for the ironic juxtaposition of the neo riche and the bourgeoisie
  • You love ridiculous one-liners like 
    “Demon, be gone from this chanel suit!!”
  • You aren’t taking yourself too seriously when you watch the show
  • You enjoy VW’s music because Ezra’s influence is really obvious 

Is it well executed? As someone who grew up watching her fair share of classic Japanese anime without being a huge anime fan… I would say Ezra wasn’t lying when he said it was a homage. It borders on parodying - which I’m not sure was the intended effect - both artistically and thematically. 

That being said, I loved how campy it is. As a typical middle class family kid I’ve had zero brushes with Cartier watches, Chanel suits or Met Balls so watching this anime deal with these in a rather absurd fashion is quite validating. I don’t know if I am laughing with them, or at them, but hey, I’m laughing right? 

Your senior year roommate calls herself Clarity. She’s very small and rumpled and distant, and she goes for long walks in the forest south of campus when she’s frustrated. You aren’t friends, but you coexist peacefully. It’s enough.

The creature on your co-owned Walmart futon isn’t Clarity.

It looks like her. Enough to fool a casual observer, certainly. Enough to fool someone who hasn’t been soldering sterling silver for six hours. But you have, and the truth of silver lingers, and the Thing That Looks Like Clarity is sprouting delicate flowers from the skin of its bare shoulders.

It’s sitting cross-legged and perfectly, terribly still, tracking your eyes as you take all this in. When you sigh and set down your backpack, it says, “Hello, smith. There didn’t seem to be any sense in pretending.”

“Jeweler,” you say, and, “I go by Florence, these days. What should I call you?”

It blinks, languid and slow. “I’m not here to usurp. I’m a… placeholder.”

“It’s still confusing as shit, my guy.”

It considers this at length. Finally, with the air of one who has just solved a great puzzle, it says “Claire. We will know, the two of us.”

“Works for me. Nice meeting you, Claire.”

And that seems to be all there is to say. Your roommate’s been stolen by the Fair Folk, you’re living with a changeling, and there’s not much you can do about either of these things. You scroll through Instagram until it gets tired of watching you and wanders out into the hallway.

So that’s Claire.

Keep reading