like he would have way more self respect than that and ugh

Thoughts on sexuality.

I’ve been thinking a lot about love, lust and sexuality lately. When it comes to sexuality, my views would be considered by today’s standards to be “radical.” Simply this: I am saving my first kiss for my wedding day. It wasn’t something pushed on me, suggested to me, or that I was pressured into. It was my own decision I made when I was 17. I wanted to share some of my story with you guys to show you a point of view that is very different than the common one.

Disclaimer: I believe sexuality is a very private, personal topic and all that I am about to say are my personal beliefs and opinions. I don’t believe in shaming others or that my views make me “better”. It’s just what works for me personally and what I have found a great deal of fulfillment and inner-peace in.

When I was 17, I fell hard for a boy for the first time. I would sneak out to meet up with him late at night and stay up until early in the morning talking to him, then slip back into my house. In the beginning of our “thing” (ugh, our generation), it was very innocent. We would hold hands and walk down the street, talking for hours. It felt very sweet and romantic. I remember sitting out on a rock on a hill looking out at the lake and the lights of our small town below, my head on his shoulder, him stroking my hair. I remember us holding each other’s hands and spinning around in circles down the street then laying down in the middle of the street at night, side by side, having the most random but fun conversations about life.

But then at one point, I could tell he was getting frustrated with me and what I was “giving” him. He wanted more. I could feel it in every thing he did- how he increased his compliments to me, and held me in a hug longer and closer. He was pushing me, very subtly, using all the tactics that had worked with girls in the past. I didn’t really feel anything- just a sense that it felt good to be desired. We were about to be seniors in high school and I had never kissed anyone, and he had a reputation of being a “player” who had “been with” many girls.

In my head was this huge war. The voices of my friends, “Kissing is not a big deal, so why don’t you just kiss him?” His voice when I told him I was considered saving my first kiss, “But there’s a way you can kiss someone that is so innocent. I could just kiss you like that?” On one of those late nights when he was very close to me, the voices started screaming in my head, until it all became like a huge chant, “Kiss him. Kiss him. Kiss him.” And another voice, “It’s not even a big deal, so why not just do it?”

I remember the moment exactly- the street sign, the light of the moon. He was whispering something in my ear and trying to “seduce” me and the chorus was chanting in my head to give him my first kiss. Suddenly, a firm, strong voice spoke out inside of me- a resolution, a promise:

“No.”

It was so sure and concrete, so powerful and commanding. In that moment I knew it came from a higher self- the same self that woke up for swim practice at 6am every weekday that summer even though I was exhausted, because I knew going to practice would make me stronger. The same voice that gave me the courage to leave my toxic group of friends earlier that year and find friends who truly loved me. I didn’t know exactly where the voice came from, just that it was a voice that I loved and trusted. While the other voices were pushy and impatient with me, this one was calm, confident and in control. I trusted her.

He stepped away from me, frustrated and annoyed. “Let’s go,” he said flatly, and we stepped into his fancy car. When he dropped me off at my front door, I had this feeling of being disposed of, like some kind of object that was deemed “useless” and “defective.” I felt an odd mixture of sadness and relief.

I had an experience with God that cemented my decision shortly after that. I was in great conflict another night not long after that, about whether or not I should keep seeing him. I was wrestling with this growing sense that he didn’t truly value me, and that I deserved better.

God called me outside and I sat beneath a heavy blanket of stars. I looked up and tears of joy streamed down my face. I felt this perfect sense of peace, calm and being connected to the Creator. In that moment, I knew that my true fulfillment came from Love, not lust. The Author of every great love story was calling me to sit close to Him, to make a sacrifice in my dating life that would ultimately serve me in the end.

Here I am now- I’m 25 years old. I have never kissed anyone and I still plan on saving it for my wedding day. It is one of the greatest decisions I have ever made. Never before has something brought me so much peace, fulfillment, self-respect and purpose. I am still dating and I have experienced a rich and full dating life, meeting and dating a lot of really great men and experiencing so many things I will treasure forever.

My romantic experiences have felt like I was in a movie many times. My breath has been taken away by them. There is a certain beauty in looking into the eyes of a man and knowing that he is willing to make a sacrifice for you because he cares about you as more than just a body. I think the more you give away, the harder it becomes to discern someone’s true intentions. “Do they love me for my heart, soul and mind? Or are they simply here for the pleasure my body provides?”

And that leads me to my final message for you: You are more than just a body. You are a heart and a soul and beautiful story unfolding. You are precious and cherished and you deserve more than the cheap excuse for romance that the world is offering. It does not satisfy. The only thing that will truly satisfy you is LOVE, and the greatest killer of love is lust.

Your body is not an object and your kisses are not meaningless tokens to bargain with. You don’t “owe” someone your body because they bought you dinner or tossed out some pretty words at you. You deserve more. And I think you know that. If you’ve ever felt the emptiness of giving away what felt like too much, you know what I’m talking about.

You deserve more. You’re not damaged and you’re not irreparably broken. You’re still sacred, precious and whole. A million people could defile and degrade you, but you will still remain worthy and sacred. The human body is so incredible, and sexuality is a sacred, precious gift. Sexuality has become something so cheap and meaningless in our world- eyebrows raised and dirty comments made. But that doesn’t change that it is SO MUCH MORE.

Your body IS a big deal. And you will always be precious.

anonymous asked:

leela that liveshow was. a lot. so cute. Dan talking about love made me 👀

it was definitely a lot oh my god. one of my favorites in a long time and a real treasure trove of open stories, asides, opinions, and general insights into his mind, his opinions on work, his life, and of course, yes, his thoughts on love. i almost wondered if he was a little bit tipsy from the sushi dinner he mentioned going on since he’s always sort of told us that he’s pretty sensitive to wine (he was tipsy while editing that sims video when he left the flipside christmas party in december and he’d only had one glass of wine?) because honestly there was so much rambling and vulnerability in this that i wasn’t prepared for. uhhh, brace yourselves bc this is like,, the longest shit i’ve written about them in ages. i can always count on a dan live show to bring out my inner desires to write an actual novel haha

INSIGHTS ABOUT HIMSELF

the meditation bit. that was so lovely on so many levels. to know that he’s tried meditating is one thing. to watch him try to walk us through some of the fundamental tenets of a meditative mindset was another. it was so fascinating to me to hear him confirm the way in which he feels plagued by the onslaught of noise in his life, and crucially, for him, that’s all online noise—he kept talking about imaginary conversations, how all of our communication is text on the internet, and that he ingests so many of those voices constantly and always feels their presence. even though that is a generalizable thing that all of us suffer from, to an extent, in a world where we’re so digitally connected, it’s staggering to think about the scale on which he has to deal with all of the white noise and that all of it is both distressing to him and also inescapable in that it’s the foundation of his career. i just see dan as being someone who is so internally conflicted about so many things and that includes, most centrally, the role of the internet and his presence on it, and it doesn’t take much reaching to understand why he must love and hate it in equal measure.

the hydration campaign. y’all i’ve been trying to track every stay hydrated mention since the one in pinof 8 when they literally made like a psa, with no explanation or context, about the importance of water and staying hydrated and just stuck it in the middle of that vid. i’ve lost track though bc they’ve worked it into nearly every video they’ve made since then and i WANT TO KNOW WHAT ITS ABOUT. i am adamant that it’s an inside joke of some sort. i don’t think they actually give a fuck how much water we drink lol. so today when dan was like “i need to find a way to work that into the next video .. .might already be in it,” and then at the end when he said he needs to leave to go “get hydrated,” i was living bc it was the most open confirmation yet that this is something they’re so intentionally doing and working into their vids. idk if it’s just a funny thing but … my instinct is that it has some sort of deeper meaning that only they know and i’m ANNOYED THEYRE ALLOWED TO RUB THESE JOKES RIGHT IN OUR FACES UGH. jk they can carry on w their married behavior but. i want it all to lead to some sort of announcement that they’re starting a joint bottled water business at the very least. or maybe its just a euphemism for sex. who knows. ugh

dan acknowledging his pretentiousness about music is all i’ve ever wanted. it’s so funny to me how just his self-awareness that he is very pretentious and particular about his tastes is all i needed to forgive him for all of it because what pissed me off more than anything ever about dan’s approach to talking about music were his flimsy attempts at trying to act like he was so accepting and tolerant of all people’s music tastes and that he’s some sort of diplomatic saint who respects and celebrates everyone’s preferences bc … literally no he fucking doesn’t he has never even tried to make it convincing hahah. so him just outright apologizing for it today in his usual self-deprecating fashion was like the funniest, best thing to me bc god at least he knows and realizes and like maybe now he can actually work on talking about music in the deeper and complex ways that he so clearly wants to. also as a music snob in my own right i feel him on this and i’ve always just found it way easier to preface every conversation w the clear statement that these r just my own standards and i’m a douche and i’m never actually trying to disrespect anyone who might like different things than me. anyway, i love dan

INSIGHTS ABOUT WORK & LIFE

i suspected and even posted about the fact that unexpected things might have happened this week that caused phil to be delayed in posting his video and dan to be all but silent on twitter for several days. i speculated dan may not have been in a good place this week based on his silence and also the way he seemed to teeter on the brink of quite overt negativity during last week’s live show. to me, today’s live show seemed fully in the throes of that negative headspace. there was a resurgence of bleak little comments about how he’s tired (of living), how he looks like a rat and doesn’t want to be reminded about the reality of his existence, how his life is a joke, how he can’t comprehend that anyone could draw inspiration from his videos or that his stories could brighten people’s days, etc. etc. all said as casual asides and mostly followed by little laughs as is his norm, but it was very reminiscent to me of the time in early january around his 2016 memes video and his first couple live shows of the year where he talked so frequently about craving death and feeling anxious and judging his own work output too harshly, and the constant pressure of scrutiny from his audience. i don’t think this live show was as bad as all of that but it’s clear that things might be a bit difficult right now and dan confirmed that himself when he stated that it’s been a challenging week in ways he can’t talk about with us yet. i was so interested to hear him say we could ask him about it in like five months though. literally,,, i put it in my calendar for august because i’m just so curious. we have almost no hints to go off of in terms of speculating about what it could be, but to me the fact that we would be able to ask him five months from now seems to suggest that it’s not personal (i jokingly wrote in tags that he and phil had gotten in a tiff this week lol) bc if it was he wouldn’t mention it at all i don’t think and definitely at the very least wouldn’t have given us such a specific timeframe about when we could ask about it. it’s likely work-related bc of that timeframe: a new project of some sort that will be out later this year, for which perhaps several planning meetings or deadlines had to happen/be met this week? it’s hard to say why that would put dan in such a negative headspace but he’s said before that he gets that way when he’s sleep deprived and he did just seem very very tired beneath everything. … also possible it could be about moving? maybe house hunting was very stressful and didn’t go to plan. late summer (five months from now) would be a fitting time for them to have made their move, and really it’s the only other possible thing i can think of with a timeframe that dan would specifically tell us. in any case,,, mark your cals for august y’all bc i actually can’t wait to hear more insights about this week even if we have to wait months for them.

that being said, the new dinof video is coming tmrw or the day after and he was still pretty vague about what it will be about. as i spelled out in completely unnecessary detail after last week’s live show i believe he was going to make the video about dropping the dinof user name but then changed his mind (this is the video he referenced today when he said “i was going to make a video but then decided it should be the next one” before going on like a 3-min rant about how sometimes he just feels the timing isn’t right to post a particular video.) so that leaves the field wide open for what this next vid could be. the only other hint we got was that it could be kink-related because the premium he opened that said “kinkshame me daddy” prompted him to say “well you’ll like my next vid,” but then he quickly walked it back as though to dispel anyone’s expectations that it would be kink-related? it was all a bit confusing. on that subject he did note down the idea of doing a video about going to the dentist back in a february live show, so there’s a high possibility to me that it could be about that since it’s like sort of (maybe jokingly) a kink for him, but he wouldn’t want to tease something that’s mostly NOT about kinks by saying it’s kink-related, hence his rapid back-tracking. but like. tbh who knows … dan is confusing and could pull something totally out of left field behind all of this quibbling. i mostly ardently agree with the way he told us to feel about it, which is to have literally no expectations or theories about what it could be hahah … best advice he’s ever given tbh

confirmation that he and phil will attend playlist this year, and a sort of allusion to the traditional lester clan april holiday in florida. probably means that he will join them again this year. it was kind of nice to hear him basically walk us through how all of their decisions about conventions and travel are made jointly, even months and months into the future, and to have no qualms with sharing that. he also just kept reiterating vaguely that they might have plans at various points of the year and idk about y’all but i feel like he’s trying his hardest to let us know that those plans involve each other and probs always will. could be work things (the same project that may have caused them stress this week), could, as he said in his own words back in january, be “life things.” could be both. but regardless, the plans are always danandphil things, both of them together, and i’m not sure how there is still a strain of people that insists on arguing that a moving apart or separation is on the horizon for this year. all of that is summed up in this one amazing exchange for me, when someone in the chat asks, “are you excited for australia again?” and he answers, “yeah, we are.”

i also really dug the insight about how he likes to structure his work in such a way that he’s working for three weeks straight with no days off and then takes a whole week to lose himself in a game. it’s very dan to be so all or nothing about the way that he works and to become consumed so completely by whatever’s at hand (whether it’s work or leisure) and although i might’ve suspected that that’s how he operates i don’t think we’ve ever heard him lay it out that clearly

INSIGHTS ABOUT PHIL & LOVE

that he opened this live stream with such an earnest celebration of phil (thanking him, literally, for existing and making videos even though it was technically a misspeak) was so lovely and not what i expected but it set a nice tone for the start of this stream. the bants-y way in which he acknowledge the subscriber gap was also a tiny bit noteworthy to me, especially in light of that ask i answered recently about how they must approach the subscriber gap. i argued it def isn’t something they are sensitive about and probs isn’t something they joke about either, but dan sort of showed that he might approach it w humor if the situation calls for it rather than ignore it altogether. interesting. he’s clearly so proud of phil and was a little flustered in talking about how exciting the milestone was. and then, relatedly, so so animated and excited about “promo-ing (awkward pause and sidelong glance) his pal” and the gym video. i fucking loved hearing his version of the story and how surprisingly soft and tender he sounded when he was describing phil on the phone asking for an exercise plan (like, his tone was verging on adoring there) and then the way he looked when he got back. the way that dan says “what happened?” when he’s recounting how he talked to phil after he got home literally set my heart aflutter bc it was sooooooooo concerned-sounding even in a re-enactment, even in front of thousands of people, so i can’t even imagine how worried he must have genuinely been in that moment. the thing w videos is that they allow these real-life stories that happen to dnp to take on a sort of surreal almost fictional feel bc of the storytelling dnp employ—videos have like a real narrative arc and they’re packaged to be entertaining so in some ways it’s easy to forget that this is actually a true thing that happened. phil lester went to the gym and threw up twice from over-exertion and came home in half the time he was supposed to be gone and dan, the worried partner, was there to receive him when he did. and then, of course, to get super angry on his behalf and tell us about it later. i was literally rejoicing to hear dan be so honest about his emotional reaction to this happening to phil bc it might be something he would have usually phrased another way (‘can u believe phil asked for this one thing and got this other thing instead what is wrong with people this is why we don’t go outside’) instead of literally just stating his emotion so bluntly (‘i was actually like really mad … like honestly i was so angry when he told me.’) that difference in communicating how he feels is so hugely important to me and it’s what gave the story so much dimension,, i could literally picture dan and his instinct towards protectiveness that we’ve seen time and time and time again when it comes to phil, just full of irritation, disbelief, and actual anger in that moment and he had no problem with telling us that was what happened. i nearly thought that when he said he couldn’t go to that gym bc he didn’t want to see kyle/leon, that he was saying any real-life encounter with him would end in dan giving kyle/leon an angry speech about his lack of professionalism and total ineptitude at his job. i totally believe that it would.

the other part of dan’s reaction that i feel is worth noting is the way that he immediately said to phil that he needs to learn to be more assertive in a knowing tone as though it’s something they discuss often and, to be honest, it IS something that has come up before over and over in the way that dan portrays phil. that he’s too “polite” to call people out if they’re abusing him online, that he believes in things like etiquette and courtesy, that his personality is adorable and, in not so many words, soft. we even have seen him describe it in certain specific real life scenarios. an example that comes to mind is when they were doing the joint live show in november last year and dan wanted to talk about the sound guy who fucked up his mic at dapgoose LA, subsequently causing him to loose his voice for the boncas. dan clearly wanted to go off about how incapable the sound guy had been but asks phil for permission basically, and phil tempers dan’s response a lot and recounts the situation diplomatically. a random example that also comes to mind from ages ago is in dan’s what not to do at the cinema video from 2012 where he talks about a scenario when he and phil go out to see a movie and he, dan, is assertive enough to both 1. ask for people to completely get up and move if they’re sitting in his and phil’s seats, and, 2. shush them if they’re being too loud. he even acts out phil saying “oh my god you did not just do that, i don’t know you,” and trying to hide. i feel like this is a difference between them that’s sometimes under-discussed  or noticed because the main focus is always on their anxieties and insecurities and general distaste for human interaction. people also focus on phil making small talk with people in social settings and take that to mean that he is more confident and calm. but i earnestly believe that he is more reserved than dan in many ways and that includes in facing negative or stressful situations and dan, despite his own set of anxieties, has always been much more able and willing to demand and ask for what he feels he (or phil) deserves.

obvi the thing everyone wants to talk about (and i’m right there with y’all) is dan’s truly surprising decision to entertain a question about love and then give a definition of it. after a bit of waffling and dithering about whether it is or isn’t a social construct he seems to insist that it is a real feeling and defines it as “the fear of that person not being there mixed with sexual attraction.” super interesting to me because he seems to totally approach this question from his own perspective and experience which is why in the moment he seems to suggest that you need to experience sexual attraction in order to love people (and where does that leave people on the ace spectrum?) and, moreover, that love is definitely a feeling people feel (and where does that leave aromantic people?) he definitely interprets the question to be about romantic love rather than talking about something perhaps “safer” for his usual topics such as platonic love or familial love and it’s for that reason that i definitely think he was trying to say that this is what love means to him and in his own experience because i don’t think he would be so cavalier about conflating romantic and sexual attraction and implying that asexuality and romantic attraction cannot coexist in one person if he had had time to think about this answer rather than spontaneously deciding to answer it on the spot.

but that he’s speaking from his own experience obviously makes his answer profoundly interesting because he settles on, coincidentally or perhaps not, one of the only ways of expressing affection for phil by proxy that he’s ever been okay with sharing with us, which is that he needs phil around bc he can’t bear to be alone. this combined with the protectiveness/defensiveness he exhibits for phil pretty consistently, as well as the occasional recognition of phil’s creativity, are pretty much the full spectrum of ways in which dan ever talks about what he feels for phil in a public setting. it was so strangely emotional for me to hear him confirm that his fear of being alone and being without this hypothetical “love” is so fundamental to the experience of love for him that it becomes a big part of the way he defines it. i mean people make fun of dan’s neediness all the time in so many ways but he straight out confirms here that the feeling of needing your partner near you at all times and staving off the genuinely frightening prospect of the anxiety of being alone are so central to what he takes the experience of love to mean. and that’s true for both of them i feel because as “needy” as dan is, phil is just as attached, chooses to spend all of these moments with dan, chooses to call dan up on stage when he wins solo awards, chooses to travel and socialize and create and live with dan next to him always. the concerning degrees of codependency they exhibit are such common topics of conversation amongst us as outside observers that it’s very nearly startling to hear dan basically say that, yes, this dependency on this other person, this feeling of paralysis when they’re not there, that’s what love is to him, fundamentally. it’s the awareness that your life would be empty without them around. that is … concerning honestly, and as always i have some burning questions about how they make such an unhealthy level of codependency work but like. they do. they so clearly do. they have for so long and they show signs every day of only growing stronger and happier in their partnership, if that’s even possible.

then there’s the sexual attraction bit which like, sure. obvi.

i also thought it was immensely noteworthy that when he read out “some people never find love” from one of the chat comments he didn’t even try a little bit to make it relatable and crack some joke about being forever alone or even just a cheeky little “same.” like just, generally speaking, he approached this whole topic very much with the tone of 1. someone who has definitely experienced the emotion of love, 2. someone who is then trying to articulate the emotion of love as he experiences it, and 3. someone who still feels that emotion and is in proximity to that person to whom it is directed. there were no attempts at trying to say he can’t relate or that he doesn’t know (or to apply it to FOOD which he has said on countless occasions is the number one love of his life,) and if anything he got quite flustered and even red around his ears and cheeks by the end of the whole ramble. flustered but not actually uncomfortable, at least in my assessment. it was really so, so lovely and incredibly insightful. not a topic i ever ever thought i’d hear him venture into and certainly not in a live stream and certainly not in that much depth. to me the whole topic played out almost as though he couldn’t let some overly analytical smartass in the chat reduce this emotion that clearly means so much to him into a mere social construct or even a release of hormones (oxytocin). he needed to push back and play devil’s advocate, but instead of doing that in a contemplative philosophical way he somewhat accidentally got super personal with it and this ramble and completely rare look into dan’s experience w this particularly touchy emotion is what we got. it reminds me a lot of the vyou he answered back in 2012 about whether he believes in love, in which he is quite literally upset and completely rude to the person who asked it, saying “no offense to you but what kind of a stupid question is that?” as though he has never even entertained the possibility that people could not believe that love is a true feeling and emotion. it’s incredible to see that 6 years later dan has evolved in so many ways and is calmer and more thoughtful about so many things, but on this subject little has changed: love is so important to him and there’s no way for him to talk about it without immediately demonstrating that :( :( :(

“hydrate, meditate, contemplate, get a mate.” such a fitting closing line because is there any set of four directives that better encompass who dan is lol? overall such a good live show with so many moments of vulnerability and emotional openness. however dan really is in this moment i hope things only get better and better for him and that he can get over whatever hurdles have been holding him back from dinof and that he can edit/post this video and then let himself take that week off that he mentioned wanting, in order to play games and chill or at least get to a calmer place. love him lots :(((

(live show: meditation and hydration with your new life coach - 2017.03.14)

anonymous asked:

Can I request a MC +RFA and Saeran going to the hospital because MC felt really bad that night and she has to stay for a week in the hospital because of her illness? I'm actually in that situation and I wonder how will they react. Thank you and have a nice day!

Oh, poor thing! Hope you’re home and feeling better now, sweetie.

I also hope this brings you some comfort:

RFA + Saeran with MC staying at the hospital

Zen

  • He will definitely ditch work to stay with you, be sure of that
  • If it’s something contagious, it will take the whole hospital staff to explain to him why he can’t be with you in the same room
  • But he’ll sleep every day in the waiting room and send worried texts disguised with sweet words.
  • Until you reassure him you’re fine and actually would like him to go back to work, he’s not pleased but will obey, he’ll do anything you ask him in this state.
  • If it’s not something contagious, he’ll stay with you, sing lullabies, read his scripts to entertain you and even impersonate RFA’s members to you.
  • He’s so happy to see you laughing at his Jumin’s impersonation, it’s so relieving to see your smile.
  • When they send you home, he’ll treat you like a porcelain doll. He even gave you a little bell so you can call him whenever you need something.
  • “What I really need is you right now…” his heart flutters, he’ll cuddle with you and stroke your hair until you fall asleep, now he feels like he can finally relax.

Yoosung

  • He’s even more scared than you, to be honest
  • He’ll call all your friends, family and co-workers, he’ll say exactly what the doctor told him, but there’s something about his tone that makes it sound a lot worse than it is.
  • But at this point, everybody knows your boyfriend and how he easily freaks out.
  • He’ll want to know everything about your eating habits there. What they serve for your meals, what time, if it’s good, etc.
  • If you’re not on some kind of restrictive diet, he’ll bring you bento boxes, or ask his mother for her miraculous soup that will definitely cure you.
  • He’s so scared because it’s so painful and nerve-wracking to see you like this, but if you ask him just right, he’ll stay by your side every single day.
  • You make him a lot of questions. How was his day, how is college, his family, everything to make him feel comfortable and just act natural.
  • Back home, it feels like the hospital sent a personal nurse just for you (and a very cute one, by the way), because he’s always making sure you have fresh water, comfortable pillows, books or a tablet for your own entertainment… actually, he’s better than those nurses.
  • He doesn’t want to bother you being too clingy, but you keep telling him how much you want his company, so he finally gives in and lays with you in the bed.
  • And it’s almost healing to watch him finally sleeping after all those tiring days…

Jaehee

  • She’s a little scared, but will never show you. No, she needs to remains calm and make sure you’ll have everything you need
  • She respects all the instructions given by the doctor or the nurses, it’s for your own good, after all.
  • Never leaves your side, NE-VER! If you move a little, she’s looking at you and asking if you need something.
  • She’s also very honest. If you have to stay there for a little more time, she’ll tell you right away.
  • People can see as a cold treatment, but you really appreciate her honesty, yeah, you’re not a kid, you deserve to know everything that’s going on.
  • But she’s not a robot, so there are those moments when she waits for you to fall asleep so she can take a deep breath, hold your hand, stroke your hair and whisper softly: “please, get better soon, please…”
  • Sometimes you were just pretending to sleep just so you could hear this.
  • You told her this when you got back home and she’s so flustered. Inside, she’s really happy that you still manage to act like your usual playful self.
  • She follows all the instructions for your recovery process, she’s even more strict than the doctor.
  • Okay, not that much, she’s cuddling with you and telling how happy she is that you’re fine, now she is making sure you’re awake for this. Yeah, no doctor in the world could be that sweet.

Jumin

  • He won’t show it, but he’s panicking!
  • Will pay anything it takes to get you the best doctors, the best medicines, the most comfortable room.
  • What he would really want to do is turn some of his guest bedrooms into a  small hospital station, but you told him to calm down.
  • Now he’s beating himself up. Hell, he should be the one calming you down, not the other way around!
  • After a very long and detailed conversation with the head physician, he manages to go back to his usual stoic self and focus on what’s best for you.
  • So, like Jaehee, he’ll follow every instruction given.
  • He reads to you, tells you about his day (after a lot of insistence from you about him not missing work) and shows you pictures of Elizabeth the 3rd
  • “See in her eyes how much she misses you and is worried for you? Get better soon for her and for me, my love.” You… don’t really see it, but yes, how can you not go along with him being so sweet?
  • He’ll definitely hire a very good nurse to help you through recovery at home.
  • And he doesn’t hold back a deep sigh when he’s able to dismiss their services because you’re finally better.
  • Now all he wants is to cuddle with you while patting Elizabeth. Actually, it’s adorable how she manages to go to your lap instead of his. Okay, she really missed you, now you’re seeing it.

Saeyoung

  • Also panicking, but trying to stay cool
  • He also has his ways with money to get you the best treatment, so don’t you worry!
  • The nurses like him because he’s very nice to them. He brings them flowers and chocolate, but it’s not bribe to make sure you’re being well treated, no, it isn’t!
  • The doctor, on the other hand, doesn’t like him that much, because he’s always questioning the treatments, telling some of them are outdated.
  • Yes, actually he researched everything about this new experimental treatment that’s been proven very successful in Cuba and… oh, the doctor hates him!
  • He makes sure you’re never bored, he brings you books, games, everything. But he can’t help feeling a little guilty, he should be the one entertaining you, not these gimmicks…
  • But he’s so scared, so he doesn’t really know how o comfort you. “Just stop arguing with the doctor and stay here.” Okay, he can do that!
  • So he stays, and he tells all his plans about the space station’s marriage, he tells you other stuff, but you keep asking him to tell about this again.
  • Back home, he’s not ashamed of being clingy. He missed you like this so much, why would he hold back? The doctor said you should be fine… not thanks to his outdated treatments, but still…
  • “Just let it go, Saeyoung.” and he finally does as he finally can sleep by your side again, that’s all that matters.

Saeran

  • He hates hospitals, obviously
  • And he doesn’t really like being around you. Not because he’s afraid of getting sick (though his immune system can still be a little weak…), it’s just… too much painful to see you like this
  • And he hates how he can do nothing about it! Ugh… so frustrating!
  • Due to his own health issues, yeah, he can’t be too long in the hospital with you, but he managed to install a camera in your room, so he’s always watching you. ALWAYS!
  • Also, he’s constantly calling you, usually you’re the one to talk a lot, it calms you both down. And he listens every single thing you have to say, or even if you’re not saying anything… the sound of your breathing while you sleep is music to his ears.
  • He doesn’t like all the instructions, but he’ll follow them, he can’t risk losing the most precious person of his life.
  • When they send you home, he is still a little reluctant to be around you, what if you’re not completely okay?
  • He believes ice cream solves everything, so I hope you’re excited to taste all the flavors the convenience store have, because he bought them all.
  • He won’t cuddle, but he’ll be close enough. He scolds you: “Take care of yourself from now on, don’t be irresponsible and don’t fool around with your health, you hear me?” and then he whispers when he thinks you’re not listening “I would hate to lose you.” Once a tsundere…
(Fic) Lovesick Idiots

My first boyxboy one-shot! :D I hope you enjoy! It didn’t turn out as good as I hoped, but oh well. 

Tag list: @tiny-mudkip @romananalogicality @the-sun-shines-bright @pattonpending @edgeworthsnoodle @lovely-chaotic-goddess @aph-curls-n-dimples @the-babysitter @sunnyside12pershon @xix-leiloves-xix @cup-of-blue

Fandom(s): Sanders Sides, YouTube, Thomas Sanders

Warnings: Jealousy, pining, crying, Lo is confused about his feelings, and overall angst. Don’t worry, the fluff will come. 

Ship(s): Romantic Logince and implied Romantic Moxiety


Logan didn’t like feelings. For the logical side, they were unnecessary to solve many problems and come up with solutions for many of life’s basic functions. So, he would avoid them, push them down and bottle them up until eventually, he became a dull, emotionless man. At least, that’s how the others saw it. In reality, Logan’s feelings were stronger and more harshly felt than the others, and all because he kept them hidden. The worst feelings of all were the ones he felt around Roman. 

All the fanciful trait had to do was look at the bespectacled man and he felt as if he were melting. Heat would rise to his cheeks and creep slowly up his neck, turning his face red. His stomach would toss and churn, and sometimes it felt as if a thousand tiny insects were fluttering around in there. Whenever Logic received a smile or was at the butt of the other trait’s lighthearted and well-meaning jokes his heart would beat faster in his chest and his throat would suddenly close, and he would have to give his all to choke out a reply. Logan was confused, because these sorts of things should have scared him, terrified him even. But, he always felt oddly happy whenever these things happened to him. And once again, it was ONLY with Roman, and he didn’t know what that would mean. Logan had become worried that since he bottled up his emotions so often, his brain could no longer tell the difference between positive and negative emotions. So, to end his confusion and help him sort out his feelings, Logan decided to consult with the very embodiment of Thomas’ emotions. 

“Hmm…I see what you mean, kiddo. Feelings like that can be pretty scary if you don’t know what they mean,” Patton said, tapping his chin thoughtfully and looking at his friend over his glasses, eyes sparkling with amusement. Logan bit his lip, fidgeting with the end of his tie nervously and casting his eyes down. 

“Just tell me what they mean, Pat. I-I…I’m so confused. Is there something wrong with me?” Logic murmured, and Morality’s eyes softened at how helpless the other trait sounded. Getting up from the armchair he was sitting in, Patton walked over and plopped on the couch next to Logan, taking his hands in his and squeezing them reassuringly. Logan glanced up and let out an offended gasp when he saw that Patton was resisting the urge to giggle, his lips pursed and his eyes shining. Patton burst out laughing and wrapped his arms around Logan, his shoulders shaking with the force of his laughter.

“I-I’m sorry, you’re just so adorable! I can’t believe you haven’t realized it yet!” Morality giggled, letting go of Logic and hugging his knees to his chest. 

“Don’t realize what?!” Logan practically shrieked, his eyes welling up with tears of frustration. Ugh, too many feelings!

“You’re in love with Princey,” Patton said, his voice softer, smiling gently at Logan and fighting off the last of his giggles. Logan froze, blinking, and shook his head. In love…? Why would he be in love with Roman? Sure, Logan had a lot of respect for him. He was confident in his abilities as Thomas’ creative side, he could always make Logan smile when he was having a bad day, he acted like an egotistical jerk but was really one of the sweetest people Logan had ever had the pleasure to meet, he had a regal air about him that demanded respect even though he never really asked for it, Logan was one of the few people Roman ever opened up to about his negative feelings, he had a phenomenal singing voice, he was so very handsome in a way none of them could ever dream to be, everything about his just seemed to be so effortless and perfect, he always made Logan feel like he was important and needed and-

Oh.

“Oh no… No, no, no, no, no,” Logan whispered, clenching his fists and closing his eyes, taking in a shaky breath and closing his eyes. “H-He…I can’t be. Th-That’s impossible! I’m not meant to feel those sorts of things. I can’t!” Logan insisted, opening his eyes and glaring at Patton ferociously. Morality simply smiled and pulled Logan into a hug, ignoring the way he stiffened and gently rubbed his back. 

“Of course you can, Logan. We’re all human. Well, part of one, but that doesn’t really matter,” Patton said with a soft chuckle as he ran his fingers gently through Logan’s hair in an attempt to soothe him. Logan shivered slightly but didn’t stop him, resting his head on his shoulder and sighing deeply. Patton was right. Love…love was the only explanation. But he could not, and would not reveal his feelings to Roman. The creative side needed someone like his own self, like Virgil or Patton, not an emotionless, love-deprived freak like him. 

“Whoa, hey kiddo, that’s not true! You are not a freak!” Patton protested. Oops. Looks like he’d said that out loud. Logan quietly thanked Patton for his time, gently pushing him away and going up the stairs to his room, saying something about getting some work done. All of the bottle up anger, sadness, and frustration began to bubble up and Logan had to clamp a hand over his mouth so Morality wouldn’t hear him sobbing. Patton watched after his friend with concerned eyes and sighed, getting up off the couch and storming off angrily to find Roman.


“I told you that you should have told him sooner!” Patton snapped, standing in front of the tv with his hands on his hips, glaring at Roman where he cowered on the couch next to Virgil, who looked both concerned and slightly amused at the conversation commencing before him. Roman swallowed and looked up at the dad character with a sheepish smile, shrugging his shoulders and sighing.

“Well, how was I supposed to know Logan felt the same? I was scared of rejection, Patton! That is all!” Princey said in a pathetic attempt to defend himself. Patton’s eyes narrowed and he grabbed Roman by his sash, pulling him off of the couch and dragging him up the stairs. Princey yelped and stumbled after Morality, not wanting to trip over his own feet and look like a complete idiot. Anxiety smirked and waved at the two traits as they disappeared up the stairs. Patton didn’t stop dragging Roman until they had reached the navy blue door that would open up into Logan’s room.

“You better get in there and fix everything before it’s too late,” Patton hissed, giving Roman the evil eye before smiling again and skipping through the hall and down the stairs. Princey swallowed hard and stared at the door, unsure of what to do. Part of him wanted to believe that what Patton had said was true. Logan was in love with him and just didn’t know how to handle his feelings, which is why he had been acting so strange and avoiding Roman at all costs. But, a part of him knew that Logan just despised his every-present confidence and egotistical attitude. He was stupid and needy, and Logan finally gotten sick of it and decided to stay away. Roman knew Logan probably had a thing for Patton, not him. After all, Patton actually showed Logan that he cared about him. Logan was so perfect, so amazingly intelligent and he didn’t even have to try. He was calm, collected, and really never had a bad word to say about anyone. He was kind, in his own special way. Roman just…wasn’t.Princey’s eyes pricked with tears and he almost turned away when he heard a soft whimper come from behind Logan’s door, followed by quiet sobs. Not even bothering to knock, Roman gripped the door handle and slowly opened the door.

“Logan? Lo, are you alright?” Roman asked quietly. Logan sat bolt upright in his bed, revealing his tear stained face and quivering lips. His eyes widened when he saw Princey standing in the doorway and he quickly tried to wipe his eyes, but tears just kept streaming down his face. Logic let out a frustrated sob and collapsed back on the bed, his shoulders shaking his his fists clenched around clumps of the blanket beneath him. Roman gasped and quickly knelt at Logan’s bedside, resting a hand on the back of his head.

“Lo, look at me. Please look at me. Look at me, sweetheart,” Roman pleaded, the nickname slipping out before he could stop himself. Logan just sobbed harder and shook his head, batting Roman’s hand off of him and curling up in a ball, his back facing the creative side. Princey’s eyes started to fill with tears and he sat on the edge of Logic’s bed, leaning down and cupping the other trait’s head in his hands. He turned Logan’s head to face him and wiped away the tears on his cheeks, his face twisting in a grimace as Logan kept his eyes clenched shut and his body rigid as more tears managed to squeeze through his close eyes. 

“Logan, please don’t cry,” Roman whispered.

“How can I not? As soon as I stop, you will leave me, your job of comforting me over. Then I’ll be alone. Just the thought upsets me,” Logan murmured, his voice hoarse and cracking, and Roman’s heart clenched and he shook his head, gently caressing Logan’s cheek with his thumb. 

“No. I will never leave as long as you want me here. I lo- l care about you,” Roman replied steadily. Logan cracked open one eye and glared up at the other trait, shifting slightly so he was on lying on his back. Roman’s mouth twitched slightly into a smile when he saw that Logan had stopped crying and was giving him a look of annoyance. It immediately faded when he saw the fear, and the pure agony of one so deprived of love they didn’t know what it felt like anymore.

“You…don’t believe me?” Roman asked breathlessly. He could feel tears coming again. 

“No. I do not believe you. There is nothing to love about me. I’m an emotionless freak that has nothing better to do with his time than correct everyone and make them all miserable,” Logan said dejectedly. Roman’s hands trembled and he tried to say more, but the words caught in his throat. Logan sighed and was about to turn back to face the wall when Roman lurched forward and grabbed him by his necktie, yanking him upwards and crashing his lips into his. Logan froze, his eyes wide open as a sudden rush of energy flowed through his body. His heart started to rapidly beat and he felt more tears, but this time he was glad for them to come, because they were tears of joy. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Roman’s waist, pulling him closer and returning the passion-filled kiss. 

Roman trembled as Logan returned his kiss with just as much fire as he, unable to keep himself from crying silently as arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer, welcoming his love and the contact and everything in between. It truly felt magical, like a kiss described in fairytales. There were no wedding bells or fireworks, only the feel of Logan’s hands and lips that were his, all his to kiss and to hold forever and ever, and that was enough. The kiss ended sooner than the two would have liked as they separated for air. Logan panted, grinning from ear to ear at the red-faced and flustered royal. He planted a few small kisses on Roman’s cheek and nose before nuzzling into the crook of his neck, barely able to believe that this was happening. 

“I love you, Logan,” Princey whispered, holding Logic close to his chest. And even though the other man never replied, Roman knew that he was loved as well. 


“Geez, it’s about time those two lovesick idiots fessed up!” Virgil said with a small smirk as he peered at the two traits through the door. They were curled up together on Logan’s bed, fast asleep with their legs intertwined and holding each other close. Patton let out a small squeal and did a little victory dance beside the darker trait, who let himself smile slightly. 

“Come on, lets leave them alone. I want some cuddles too,” Patton said, grabbing his boyfriend’s wrist and dragging him off to the common area. Virgil spared one last glance at Logan’s room, his eyes softening. It looked like everyone had finally found their happy ending. 

In Defence of Seiya

So, one, because I’m currently writing him, and two, because he’s one of my most favorite characters, I wanna break a lance for Seiya, today. You’re still allowed to hate him afterwards, obviously, but maybe just hear me out, ok?

Yesterday I had a wonderful conversation with one of my dearest friends, a die-hard UsaMamo shipper just like me, but, other than me, the beauty of the Seiya x Usa BROTP still alludes her, and Seiya has a bit of a bad rep for her, but she gracefully allowed me to sum up our conversation, here. So, there you go!

(Also, I’ll be referencing to Seiya as a “he”, here. This is Stars arc, 90s anime, we’re talking about, and there he’s, at least to me, quite obviously portrayed as a guy, in his civilian form.)

Seiya was an ass for impersonating Mamoru toward the end. It deliberately hurt her, even when he KNEW how much she was hurting. Yet he still did that, and then even gave her that inappropriate “am I not good enough” line, after she broke down.

So, the scene meant here is this one, of course.

And I think it’s important to keep in mind that Seiya had no chance knowing that he was inadvertently impersonating the guy that Usagi misses so much.

He’d just, upon remembering their good times, made peace with her and the situation, was about to say goodbye for good, as he saw Usagi’s desk (with that adorably cute Mamo-chan doodle on it) and placed the rose, which is always in his performing outfit, on it as a goodbye token, when he was interrupted by Rei who was in frantic search of Usagi.

So, he came up, saving her by distracting the enemy, and just threw the damn thing he just so happened to hold in his hand.

He had no way of knowing what that image would do to Usagi. He’d never heard of Tuxedo Mask. Or that he threw roses. He was just the guy to the rescue, coincidently happening to have a rose at hand. He wouldn’t know to do this on purpose.

And yes, he says that line, but he’s breaking down with her, as he does. But it’s not a “take me”, it’s not a self-serving opportunity he sees to cut in and steal the girl…. Remember this is JUST after he’s sighed and smiled and been thankful for the time he did have in her vicinity. It’s more a … you’re hurting so much, I feel your pain so much, god I wish I could take that pain away from you, and damn if it were me I’d never do this to you, you’d never be in this much pain because of me, I promise I would never do that to you, I don’t treat you like that, I don’t want you to hurt, why can’t it be me, all I want to do is make you feel better, why can’t it be me?

He loves her, in the selfless way that he wants what’s best for her, and he’s not allowed to give it to her, and it’s frustrating!

Seiya was an ass for telling Mamoru he needs to protect Usagi at the very end of Ep. 200. Like, he really needs to be told that?

So, again, Seiya doesn’t know the guy. He knows nothing but that he was now apparently not so bad as he thought, and instead dead all year, and now appearing in some sort of armor, as he was revived. Personally, I never understood it as a way of Seiya telling Mamoru off, but instead it was stepping back, acknowledging that it was Mamoru’s place to protect her, be by her side, and not his. I understand it as a message solely intended for Mamoru; I’m not in your way, I know she’s yours, but damn take care of her cause she’s worth it.

(Excluding the part where I really don’t like it when men talk over women’s heads over their protection, especially when we’re talking about the girl who JUST saved all of the friggin’ universe, but ah well…)

I still feel like Seiya should have respected the boundary line that was implied by Usagi’s relationship.

The way I see it, to him, Usagi was in somewhat of an abusive relationship, albeit emotionally. She was in a relationship with a guy that upped and went and left her hanging without a word, so much that she skidded into depression. Personally, I myself would be MAD at my friends if they saw me in one and didn’t at least try to act like he’s maybe not the best choice in the world.

And as someone who’s in love with her, who adores the ground she walks on, only wants what’s best for her (which in the end, is what love is) I wouldn’t want her to be in a relationship like that, REGARDLESS of if she’ll be with me afterwards, then, or not,

and, like, this was his view, and still he really didn’t try anything (at least in the 90s anime version, but Manga!Seiya and 90sAnime!Seiya are so different, with different motivations, different feelings, different genders, I really don’t compare the two at all.)

Remember this is the story/show where Usagi gets kissed by people left and center, without her consent? In the anime, he wasn’t one of those. He picked her up on a friendly date, they had chemistry, and he kissed her on the cheek as a goodbye. These are all things you’d do with your friends, his only fault here was that he happened to be in love with her at the time, at least the way I see it.

Shouldn’t Seiya have asked about Mamoru, then? At least try to find something out about the guy?

well, for one…would you have? I wouldn’t want to hear the praises of a guy you know has left her without saying anything. Also, I mean… He’s not in her life. She’s depressed. And he’s mad at him for treating her that way, he even says it out loud to his photo; He doesn’t say “Ugh I hate that you exist” he says “I don’t like the game you’re playing with her” - I don’t like the way you treat her. He’s legit MAD at Mamoru for doing this to her.

This is an amazingly protective, friendly gesture, if it were true. This is how I would want all of my friends to react if it happened to me, and if it were actually the case – and Seiya has no way to think otherwise. It wasn’t, of course, but he had no way of knowing that. In fact, if he had dug further, asked about him, he’d have found out Mamoru has NEVER ONCE written back and his standpoint would have only gotten clearer. And if he’d dug even further, the story he’d have gotten wouldn’t have helped Mamoru’s case in this instance, either.

No matter the praises Usagi would have sung… I mean… what would have come out? He’s my lover from a past life, we have a miracle romance, then he was brainwashed and turned evil and almost killed me, before I killed him, instead, and then our future daughter turned up, and he left me because of dreams, and I cried myself to sleep, and then later he was kidnapped again, and right when I had him back he left me for America and now he’s never written back… It doesn’t SOUND so good.

Seiya wouldn’t have learned anything that he wouldn’t have interpreted in that exact way that he did.

But, then, the moment he realizes he was wrong, that Mamoru was dead, actually, his heart breaks for her. How could Galaxia have done this to her?

And then the only thing he does is try and make sure Mamoru treats her right, tell him to. He steps away without any fight whatsoever. Seiya loved Usagi. He loved her despite the fact that he had no chance. Just because she didn’t love him back, and was in a relationship with someone else, doesn’t make him a bad guy. In fact, I think he was an incredibly decent guy.

So many people lash out when they are in an unrequited love. It’s an incredible sort of heartbreak, and it’s understandable that so many do, but it’s also pretty harsh. The people they adored get devalued and degraded to bitches and asshole who are fools for not wanting them, get faulted for making them fall in love in the first place, and get left behind so the person can go and heal and forget. And, sometimes, the other party isn’t so innocent, either (which obviously isn’t the case, here), but even without that it’s really hard to just take yourself and your hurt back, and simply adore that person, while staying in their lives, no gain whatsoever.

Seiya does that. He adores her. He doesn’t blame her once, only wishes it were different. He takes himself back, and simply becomes the awesome friend that she really needs in that depressing time. And that is pretty damn selfless.

I mean, he didn’t choose this. He didn’t decide, oh, I’m gonna fall in love with this ditzy girl who has someone else; it just happened to him, and he dealt with it in a pretty heartbreaking way.

I mean… he repeatedly risked his life for her, this girl who will never be his.

And I understand that. I mean… I adore that girl, too. We all do, right?

Fic: Happiness in Exchange

Title: Happiness in Exchange
Rating: M/NC-17
Word count: 18,567 
Summary: When Belle ascends to the throne of Avonlea after her father’s death, shocks the court when she appoints the mysterious Lord Gold, the new owner of half her lands, as her Chancellor. Alone in a realm of strangers, finding themselves united against a common enemy, an unlikely partnership is born. But with everyone waiting for the Princess to marry, Belle has a choice to make: to fight to rule alone, or to find a partner who can meet her halfway.

A/N: HAPPY RCIJ @junoinferno​!!! Hope you enjoy this (loose) Victoria/Melbourne AU!!

On AO3 here 

“Presenting, for the first time: Her Royal Highness, Belle, Princess of Avonlea!”

The announcer’s voice rang out through the ballroom, and Belle took a confident step forward, out of the shadows and into the light. The metaphor was not lost on her, as she blinked out at a sea of strange, unfamiliar faces staring back. They were applauding, cheering, but how could they not? She was their ruler now, their young, completely unexpected ruler. For all they knew she would hold public executions for dissenters.

Belle took two more steps forward, once the applause had died down, and came to the top of the staircase. She gave a deep curtsey, and descended slowly, allowing everyone to look their fill. Her skin crawled. Belle hadn’t been the centre of attention this way since her betrothal ball, over a decade ago. Then, they had eyed her ten-year-old body seeking signs of fertility, deciding whether Lord and Lady Gaston had made the right choice for their son.

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Don’t Hide Who You Are.

 Request from anon:Can I request something where Bucky is just starting to date Tony’s daughter (teams on good terms) and she flinches a lot when he comes near her or raises his arms for some reason. He asks tony if she’s been hurt by someone in the past and he laughs about it. Tells him she refuses to wear her glasses cause she’s embarrassed by them. Buck talks her into wearing them and when she puts them on it turns Bucky on and he’s speechless. She finally gets the confidence to wear them infront of people.

Note: Hope this is okay! I changed it EVER so slightly but only in the sense of Bucky not being speechless but still finding the glasses attractive on the reader.

Bucky x Self Conscious!Reader

Words: 1,606

Warnings: Language (It is Bucky after all….and Tony for that matter haha!)…other than that nothing other than mentions of someone being self conscious and very mild injury.

Disclaimer: None of the GIFs used are mine so all credit goes to their wonderful creators <3

It was only 05:30 in the morning but he had woken up to find your side of the bed empty and although he knew you wouldn’t have gone far there was still the smallest part of him that thought the worst…enough so that the super soldier found himself rolling out of bed and beginning a search for you inside the tower after pulling on a pair of sweatpants.

Never did he expect to find himself in this position; not only had Tony learned to accept that Bucky himself had not been responsible for his parent’s death but he had allowed him to live in the tower with the other Avengers and, most important of all, he had given his blessings for the two of you to be together. His own daughter with the man who had once been a cold-blooded assassin for Hydra. It was why now, even months down the line, he found himself having to pinch his arm to realise this was all real.

With the things he’d done happiness was the last thing he had seen in his future and yet you walked into his life and it was all he could see.

As he wandered into the common room of the tower his sharp blue eyes fell upon your quiet form standing at the panoramic window that overlooked the city below; the sun was beginning to rise but it was still dark enough for you to be able to see his reflection so he made no attempts to make his presence known as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind.

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goblinish  asked:

... I just sent you something like six flaily messages about Solas and my bitter little Lavellan who Tries Hard, and I don't think I was logged in? If they showed up as anon, sorry, that was me

Yes!! let me collect them here:

Can I share my Solas feelings with you? They are very different from yours, I think, but there are so many feelings and I thought you could relate! The funny thing for me is that I played the game four times, three of them with elves meaning to romance Solas, and it never worked. I wanted to romance Solas because it’s so heartfelt and a gut punch even before you learn how big, how mythic it is, but my characters kept disagreeing with him! Big, snappish disagreements, and decisions he couldn’t be okay with, and all of these characters ended up respecting each other as friends, but never developed romantic interest, and it was so strange! The weirdest thing was that the character who did eventually romance him was someone I wouldn’t have thought would be compatible with him, she was selfish and a little resentful and really, really angry, but when she was angry she’d make these decisions he agreed with! The big one I remember was exiling the wardens in a rage, but there were others - then when she’s calm down a little, start to regret acting from anger, and rethink her viewpoint (which then would disagree with him), she’d have that great approval buffer to weather disagreements? And man, they argued about Sera a lot? But she loved talking to him and respected the hell out of him, and the weird thing is that, she is the last character of mine that I would have thought wise at creation, but she’s the one it felt most genuine with, when he called her wise, because so much of her story was about trying to get past her anger, and because she respected and liked him so much she usually talked through everything with Solas, when she was angry as well as thoughtful, so he knew her best and could see how much she was prioritizing wisdom as something to reach for, even when she didn’t think she could achieve it. And she really really loved him with her angry little heart, and. I don’t know? It was such a different dynamic than the one I’d pictured, so I wasn’t prepared for how intense it was? I’m about to start trespasser and I’m kind of scared, I think she’s going to feel so awful and I don’t know how she’s going to react, I don’t know if she’ll understand that it was real? Ugh! I have so many feelings and I don’t know what to do with them, you know?

OHH I LOVE THIS, these different experiences are what is so great about these games, not only because of replay value but for depth and character development potential, so many stories you can build!!

The dynamic your character and him have sounds super interesting and so touching ;_; I feel they would have much in common, being frustrated and angry, misplaced resentment, impulsive decisions and judgement they come to regret, always striving for wisdom. trying to remain calm in the face of overwhelming odds, maybe he would see some of his younger self in her. He would respect her all the more for her struggle and conviction ;_;

I think that from a storytelling point of view their disagreement is instrumental in their character development but also feels realistic (considering that your character can’t see approval rates and a lot of his have to do with knowledge that is not available to them), gives the Inquisitor agency, adds tension and depth to their relationship and plot in general. They benefit from it! there is a feel of mutual respect and admiraton that you cultivate this way. I wish the game was longer so we could have more exchanges!! for now I will imagine them haha

I love that the game lets us meet Solas the person, and he can be rude and petty and obtuse, you can argue with him, joke around, share stories, learn and teach him things, he admires you and ends up falling for you, this ancient immortal powerful entity of legend!! but he is just a man that cares too much and tries too hard and makes mistakes, he is a complete mess, he manages to be both admirable and pitiable, relatable and infuriating and I love him for it with all my heart ;_;

Be stong for Trespasser!! the last encounter is my absolute favourite part of the game erughh you are making me want to replay!! about Lavellan being unsure whether it was real or not I think for me Cole played such a huge part in believing Solas in general, I trust Cole, he can’t betray his nature and he believes in Solas, that he means well and that his feelings are true, he wants you to be with him so I never doubted him! Cole actually helped me with my hurt in real life isn’t that amazing I love Cole, I’m rambling again

Thank you for sharing your experience with me <3

My Rhythm and Blues (Part One)

Wordcount: 2.867

Genre: Fluff / Slice of Life

Jackson x Reader
Description:  When Jackson asks you 20 dates to make you love him.

~~~

A/N: The moment you realise that underneath your heart of glass you’re quiet the romantic type and you feel the urge to write a fluffy scenario about that beautiful soul of Jackson. Yes, I know I’ve got many and many other stories to update; no, I didn’t forget about them; yes, I’m slowly writing them in the meantime but for the moment I needed something fresh and simple where I didn’t have to think too much.

Hope you enjoy it ^^


P.S.:  Jackson is an “Anima bella”, I can’t find other words to describe him. Protect him with all your heart


“What do you think of Jackson?”

You turn to the guy standing in front of you, who’s glancing with deadly seriousness, as if his life depends on this question.

Your right eyebrow perfectly curves in the exact instant he taps a white Reebok on the ground, silently pushing you for an answer, obliging you to ignore for a brief moment the paper pattern you were working on “… Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?”

Jackson looks at you as it should be obvious “Because the others don’t want to come here anymore and I have to do everything by myself and I can’t ask you: what do you think of me?, certain traditions must be observed.”

You glance at him shocked and the more he stays there with a dummy smile on his face, the more you ask yourself what did you do in your past life to deserve such a punishment: Jackson Wang that apparently has a crush on you.

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anonymous asked:

Ahhh how about GOM+Kagami+Hanamiya (If it's too many charas, sorry D:) reaction to seeing their s/o fangirling over their ANIME HUSBANDS and not paying them any attention since the s/o is too busy dying over 2D cuteness. I think we can all relate to this tbh, I'm in love with too many 2D characters like pls send help.

Ugh this is my life on so many levels. Luckily my hubby fully supports my fangirling. He even buys me figurines and is willing to cosplay them TT__TT He is amazing. Thank you for your amazing Ask and wonderful patience! 


Akashi:

“____…____!” Akashi’s voice attempted to get your attention for the umpteenth time, as you scrolled through your favorite blog, enjoying the rather racy pictures an artist did of one Levi Ackerman. Oh, how you adored Attack on Titan and your self-proclaimed husband ‘Levi’.

“One minute Sei-kun!” You giggled again and went to join the forum discussion, commenting on your favorite picture and joining everyone’s friendly banter. Suddenly the air around you changed and you looked up to see a rather peeved looking Akashi.

“Sei-kun?” Your voice questioned timidly, subconsciously shrinking under his weighted gaze.

“____, I have been attempting to gain your attention for the past twenty minutes, I do not enjoy being ignored.” His voice was eerily calm and measured, but his eyes were burning with loss of patience. Holding out his hand, you realized he wanted to put your phone away so you would no longer be glued to it. With a small huff you handed it over, but not before realizing you hadn’t exited out from the racy photos…neither did Akashi. His eyes betrayed his stoic façade once more as they widened at the picture. Shoving the phone quickly down to his side, he looked at you nervously, apparently at a loss for words for the first time in his life.

“Hehehe…uhhh…” You stared up at him blankly, wondering how you were going to explain this obsession. “I have a thing for authority…” Seconds ticked by before an unsettling grin made its way to his face. He walked to your bookshelf and skimmed the titles until he found volume No. 1 of Attack on Titan. Handing you your phone back, he sat next to you, lounging back to begin reading.

“Perhaps I should see what you find so intriguing about this character.” His voice dripped with honey and a burning heat made its way to your cheeks. Was this the moment of your fangirl dreams? Was Akashi implying he would roleplay with you? With a sense of determination, you ran to your bookshelf and grabbed every volume, before dumping them haphazardly next to Akashi, who raised a brow in question.

“You have some reading to do Sei-kuuuuun.” You purred dangerously making the red head wonder who was actually in control in this relationship.

Aomine:

It was no secret to Aomine that you loved to read your cherished manga, just as much as he loved his gravure magazines. You often found yourselves in a heap of tangled limbs, cuddling on the rooftop during lunch hour, reading your respective reading material. But today Aomine couldn’t help but feel irked at how often you squealed and blushed at this month’s issue.

“Tch, what has you so flustered?” He leaned up from his spot in your lap, trying to get a look at the artwork.

“Oh my gosh. It’s too much! I just, Keiichi is perfect. Such a cutie and a total Dom. Like, how can this girl turn him away? He is perfect I just wann-“ Your fangirl tirade got cut short when a pair of firm lips smashed down on your own, silencing your words with a satisfied moan.

“Dom, you say? Oh ____…this is a discussion we should have had months ago.” His smirk became feral and your heart thrummed so harshly in your chest, you were sure it would leap out any minute. Watching your boyfriend grin that way felt like watching Keiichi come to life. It seemed you two were due for a discussion on some new bedroom ideas.

 

Kagami:

“What do you mean there are over 600 episodes!?” Your boyfriend stared at you in horror. He didn’t mind a lazy day in, watching your favorite series. Even suggesting he starts from the beginning so he can watch it with you. What he wasn’t ready for was how many episodes ‘catching up’ would require.

“It’s sooooo worth it Taiga-kun! Besides, once you get to episode 400ish, you get to meet my favorite character…Trafalgar Law! Ugh he is so dreamy. Just wait till you see. You will love this show!” Flames practically burned from your irises at the passion you held for your beloved fandom. All Kagami could do was swallow the building lump in his throat and nod in defeat. He could tell this wasn’t worth getting out of, he would simply have to watch every episode.

But feeling you snuggle close and murmuring all the lyrics to the opening song put a smile on his face. You really did love this show, watching the smile spread across your face was endearing to him. He supposed it would be worth watching the show in the long run, if it meant he could see that smile on your face every week a new episode aired. Wouldn’t hurt to also know how this ‘Law’ is that you constantly talk about.

Kise:

“Oh my gosh they have leggings for him too!? I have to get them…” You continued to murmur while looking at the new clothing release that featured your favorite character.

“Eh, ____cchi? You seriously want more fangear? Don’t you have enough?” He looked a bit confused while putting his own phone down, raising a brow at your ever-growing pout.

“Ryo-kun…there is no such thing as ‘too much’ when referring to Uchiha Itachi. It is impossible. Besides, black and red go with everything I own.” You waved your hand dismissively. Kise sighed and peered around your room. It was covered in Itachi merchandise and he shook his head in defeat. What was one more item? You were already drowning in it anyways. Kise supposed he couldn’t be too upset, especially with the smile and giggle you let out when you pushed ‘purchase’ on your phone.

Kuroko:

Your eyes glimmered with adoration as you watched the credits role once more, but pouting when you realized there were no longer any new episodes.

“It’s not that bad ____-san. We can take Nigou to the park and grab some lunch. There will be a new episode next Saturday.” Kuroko assured you softly, patting your head as you huffed in annoyance.

“I know but how can I wait a whole week before seeing what happens with Laxus. He is so strong, but this fight won’t be easy.” You pouted again, worry for your imaginary husband clearly written across your face.  

“At least you don’t have to worry about me every losing a battle _____-san…have you seen these guns?” Kuroko looked your way with a straight face and his small biceps flexing in front of you. It was enough to cheer you up and set aside your obsession…momentarily.

Hanamiya:

“What is this crap?” Hanamiya glared at the posters that littered your walls and his lips turned up at the plushies covering your bed. Meanwhile you were engrossed deep into a manga, nose practically buried between the pages.

“Ugh, devotion. Obviously.” You chuckled at your sarcastic response but failed to notice Makoto’s less than happy expression. He glanced around the room a bit more and though he wouldn’t voice it out loud, a small part of him was furious that there weren’t any pictures of him decorating your room. Just this blonde dude plastered everywhere. Even Hanamiya didn’t notice the rare moment of self-consciousness when he brought a hand up to his ebony locks. “Who is this loser anyways?”

“That is Tamaki! He is so romantic! I swear his way with words could swoon any girl off their feet and straight to the alter!” You gushed on and on, ignoring the darkening aura of your boyfriend.

“_____.” His voice pulled you from your rambling. “Apparently I need to make you forget about this blonde wimp and show you what it is you REALLY crave.”

Midorima:

“I don’t understand why you find that attractive, nanodayo.” Your favorite giant carrot complained for the millionth time as you basked in the glory that was Dio Brando. “He is absolutely insane, evil and cares for no one. Why is that appealing?” He looked genuinely confused.

“Uhh, he has muscles and besides, what’s wrong with liking a bad boy?” You questioned, eyes never leaving the manga page. Shintaro looked at you as though you had lost all sanity. The character you adored was a murderer…how could you possibly find that attractive? “Don’t worry Shin-kun, it’s just a character. No need to be so worried.” You gave him a reassuring smile that he returned, but once you looked away his eyes peered down at the manga in irritation. He vowed to himself to not let you ever meet Hanamiya or Haizaki…they might somehow steal you from him if you were into that sort of thing. Little did he know you were trying not to laugh at seeing your boyfriend have an internal debate with himself, over what…you weren’t so sure.  

Murasakibara:

Atsushi couldn’t really fault you for your obsession as he was equally in love with Food Wars. So here you were in your kitchen, trying to replicate a recipe from the show and babbling on and on about he much you adore Soma.

“Ne, _____-chin…my baking is better than Soma, just forget him.” He grunted childishly while kneading some dough for a pie you were making. You chuckled at the frown that carved its way into his features and the slow building glare he was giving the dough.

“Oh? Atsu-kun, would you be jealous if I ate Soma’s cooking?” Your eyes widened when he slammed his hands abruptly on the counter, looking up at you from under his violet fringe.

“Don’t joke like that ____-chin. I’ll crush anyone who tries to cook for you.” His brows pitched down in annoyance and his fingers dug into the flour lined counter top.

“Relax, Atsu-kun. I only want your cooking.” You smiled, touching the top of his hand in assurance, knowing that ‘cooking’ was a metaphor for something else in Murasakibara’s mind.

glasses [ ab x r ]

fandom : Dear Evan Hansen

 by :  Summer

pairing : Alana Beck x Reader

summary : In which you are there for Alana the day she got her glasses.

 word count : 1738

warnings : cussing, ooc writing,,, ugh sorry.., mentions of sexual content (ofc bcus jared kinKMAN)

a / n : Sorry, this is a really bad and pointless fluff. I feel so self conscious about this one, like after those last two fics, this is going to be a total let down. eh. I’m begging y’all for more Alana fics, I just love her so much I swear. Any sort of support is sincerely respected: liking, commenting, reblogging, following, anything! Constructive criticism is always appreciated :) Thanks for reading, I love you.


“Alana!” you smiled cheerfully, meeting your girlfriend by her locker.

“Hey!” she pulled you into a quick hug, “What brings you here?”

You feigned offense, “What? I can’t just meet up with the love of my life whenever?”

She rolled her eyes and pressed a soft kiss on your cheek, “Oh, remind me after school I want to tell you about something.”

“Sure thing, you wanna walk back to my place then and we can hang out there?”

“That works perfectly,” she gave you a wide grin.

You took a moment to admire her. Every inch of her long locks of dark hair, coiled in small sections that bounced with her every step. The way she circled her thumb over the metal button of her jacket. How her magenta skirt swirled slightly when she swayed her hips. Her soft, full, kissable lips-

“Look, it’s high school’s gayest couple!”

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Make a Wish (iwaoi)

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing: Iwaizumi x Oikawa

Rating: pg-13

Word count: 7446

Read on archive of our own [recommended]

Hajime has mixed feelings about weekend mornings. On the one side, there’s the process of willing himself to awake despite every cell in his being saying otherwise. There’s having to groggily maneuver himself to get ready for the day and look at least a little presentable because otherwise a certain moron won’t hesitate to pester him about it.

But, they aren’t too bad, because on the other hand there’s-

“Iwa-chan!”

On the other hand there’s said certain moron.

Right on schedule, Hajime thinks with a miniscule upturn of his lips as he puts on his running shoes. There’s a soft murmur of his parents speaking to one of their favorite brunets, and Hajime can only hope that Oikawa is at least second on that list, after himself.

Haphazardly making his bed, he ambles down the stairs for breakfast.

He’s immediately embraced by his mother into a tight hug as she whispers, “Happy birthday my son.”

Oh.

So he forgot to check the calendar. It’s not something he finds necessary when it’s the weekend, where there’s no real need to know the date. Still, he thanks her, before receiving an endearing pat on the back from his father alongside another birthday wish.

In the kitchen, Oikawa is leaning against the counter, a cup of what Hajime recognizes to be his favorite yogurt in one hand, and a spoon in the other. He turns his head up from his food by the sound of footsteps and his face breaks out into one of his more genuine grins, the kind where his eyes seem to shimmer.

It’s definitely on the top three in Hajime’s categorized list of Oikawa’s smile.

Gently placing the yogurt on the counter, he takes a few steps towards Hajime and slaps him hard on the back.

“Happy birthday, Iwa-chan.” He says airily, grin still on his face. Unable to hold himself back, Iwaizumi smiles a little and thanks him.

“Now eat up so we can head out.” Oikawa makes sweeping gestures with his hands towards the table. When Hajime takes a seat, Oikawa does too on the chair beside him.

He eats a banana, and a cup of blueberry yogurt that Oikawa was nice enough to bring him. Guzzling down half a glass of milk, he does a few light stretches and bids goodbye to his parents as he and Oikawa begin their morning run.

The air is slightly dewy, and his skin soaks in the calmly glow of the sun pleasantly. Around them is the sound of early rising birds and their own steps on the gravel.

“Iwa-chan is so quiet.” Oikawa adds to the atmosphere as they continue to run. “You’d think he’d show more enthusiasm on his birthday.”

Stealing a glance from his best friend, he notices the playful furrowing of his eyebrows.

“I’m in the middle of running, idiot.” He rolls his eyes. “Besides, it’s just any other day. I didn’t even remember until Oka-san wished me.”

“Weirdo.” Oikawa mutters. “I’ll have you know I was the first one to wish you, Iwa-chan. At twelve sharp. You must’ve checked my text?”

“I fell asleep at around eleven,” Hajime informs. “I didn’t check my phone in the morning either.”

Oikawa squawks in indignation and Hajime can practically feel the tantrum that’s about to arise. “It’s like you’re eighty. Who the hell sleeps at eleven?”

“The guy who has to wake up early in the morning to go running with his demanding best friend.” Iwaizumi counters back.

When he doesn’t get an immediate response, he looks at Oikawa from the corners of his eyes and notices a smile.

The kind that’s a mixture of self-satisfaction, awe and a hint of something else.

He decides that this one is on the top five of his list.

“What the hell are you smiling about, Shittykawa? Is my misery that amusing to you, you sadist?”

A small chuckle is followed by, “no, Iwa-chan. It’s just not every day you call me your best friend.”

Frowning, Iwaizumi stops in his tracks, and so does Oikawa when he notices. “Wait, I’m hoping you weren’t unaware of this.”

The sudden stop in motion has Oikawa slightly out of breath, but he shakes his head with the corners of his lips upturned. “I know Iwa-chan doesn’t have any friends other than me. But it’s nice to hear him say it every once in a while.”

“That is not what I said.” Iwaizumi punches his idiot of a friend on the shoulder and resumes his run. He doesn’t miss the mumble of ‘brute’as he passes by Oikawa.

He knows Oikawa was just teasing him, though. Besides, there’s really no way for Oikawa to think someone other than him is Hajime’s best friend. They’ve been friends for over a decade, and not once has anyone managed to weasel in to steal that title from Oikawa.

They stop again, the motion halted by Oikawa this time who veers off towards a field where something seemingly caught his eyes. He bends down for a little before standing back up.

Oikawa returns to Iwaizumi with a dandelion in one hand, outstretching his arm to present the flower in front of his face.

“Make a wish, Iwa-chan!”

Hajime frowns, eyeing the dork in front of him. He wants to express just how ridiculous he thinks the situation is, but the smile on Oikawa’s parted lips as he slowly breathes in and out while starting at him expectantly has Hajime humoring him.

With that image in mind, he chants a wish in his head and blows on the flower. Tiny petals float away, leaving Hajime’s cheeks feeling uncharacteristically warm.

“There. Let’s go.”

Oikawa doesn’t ask him what he wished for and for once Hajime thanks every higher power out there for his best friends superstitious nature as they resume their run, side by side under the summer sun.

Forty minutes later, they’re panting and in their neighborhood, hands on their knees as they lean over to breathe in and out heavily. The sun’s rays are a lot more viscous now that most of the clouds have passed, and drops of sweat slide down Hajime’s skin, calves burning slightly from the exercise.

They separate to their respective houses, and after exiting from the shower, Hajime sees that Oikawa is back in the kitchen, laughing with his parents.

What catches Hajime’s eyes the most is the fact that his hair is down, in its natural state and messy, still seeming wet.

He’ll never admit it out loud, but he likes this version of Oikawa’s hair a bit more than would be deemed rational. His stomach feels warm knowing that he’s one of the few people who get to witness this hair without it being accidental.

Oikawa is sitting opposite to the Iwaizumis, breakfast laid out in front of him. He’s twiddling with the chopsticks, swirling them in the bowl of beans like Hajime is used to seeing.

“Oh, Iwa,” Oikawa notes his presence before sliding into the seat next to the one he was sitting in.

Hajime’s about to ask why he moved when his mother asks, “Are you sure you don’t want to eat, too, Tooru?”

“I already ate, aunty.” He shoots her one of his most charming of smiles.

“You’re still a growing boy. More food won’t hurt.” Iwaizumi’s father says.

“I’ll burst if I eat anymore.” Oikawa chuckles, and the sound rings through the room like a pleasant hum.

“What did you eat in such a rush anyways?” Iwaizumi snatches the chopsticks from his hands before sitting down. The speed at which Oikawa managed to shower, change, eat and make it to his house is quite uncharacteristic. He couldn’t have eaten much during the short span of time in which Hajime showered.

He notices that his food has been messed with. Sighing, he just rolls his eyes before beginning to eat.

“I can eat all the food in the world in a minute if I have a date with Iwa-chan soon after.” Oikawa sing-songs, much to the amusement of his parents.

“Tooru is so sweet to you, Hajime.” His mother sighs happily, evoking his body temperature to rise.

“He’s only being this way because you guys are here.” Hajime deadpans.

Oikawa gasps dramatically, and from his peripheral vision, Iwaizumi can see him placing a hand on his chest.

“I am nothing but genuine in front of uncle and aunty Iwaizumi. I even show my natural hair to them. They’re practically my second family.”

If Iwaizumi rolls his eyes anymore, he’s afraid his irises will get lost somewhere in the back of his head. Oikawa’s little performance earns him much appreciation from the older Iwaizumis, who boast his sincerity and sweetness.

Really, Hajime is shocked Oikawa’s head remains the same size.

“I’ll be in my room.” Iwaizumi mutters after cleaning his dishes. When granted silent permission from his parents, he advances towards the stairs, Oikawa not far behind.

“Iwa-chan, let’s go shopping.” Oikawa insists as he closes the door. “I want to buy you a present~”

“There’s no need for that, Trashykawa.” Iwaizumi says as he unlocks his phone. Various messages fill up his inbox, but the one he scrolls down to is Oikawa’s.

Happy birthday grumpy-chan! ☆ ~('▽^人) See you in the morning~~~ (*¯ ³¯*)♡

He suppresses the urge to smile, going through the other birthday wishes from his teammates and some other friends and replying to them.

“Ugh, Iwa-chaaan! Pay attention to me!” Oikawa whines. “You’re not listening.

Quickly he types in a thanks to Kunimi before locking his phone and tossing it to his bed.

“So needy.” He teases, lying back on his bed. “What is it?”

Oikawa doesn’t even deny the statement, and suddenly he’s hovering over Hajime, knees on either side of his thighs and face above his.

Hajime forgets how to breathe.

“I said I want to go shopping with you, Iwa-chan. To buy you a birthday present. Which is an absolute necessity seeing as you never tell me what it is you want when I ask you.”

Hajime’s eyes shift from the hair that’s fallen messily on his forehead, to his eyes, nose, then lips. All of a sudden, he can think of something.

He shakes the thought away.

“You don’t have to get me a present, Oikawa. You wished me, didn’t you? That’s enough.”

Oikawa huffs in frustration, standing back up with a pout and resorting to yank Hajime off the bed by his arm. “I want to get you a present, so get up!”

If there’s one thing that being friends with Oikawa for fourteen years has taught him, it’s that if there’s something Oikawa wants Iwaizumi to do, he may as well save energy and give up after the first few tries of convincing him otherwise. So naturally, he agrees.

It’s not often he can deny Oikawa Tooru’s wishes.

“Yay~” the six feet tall child muses. “I’ll go get my hair products!”

And before Hajime can even think about protesting, Oikawa is out the door.

“An entire volleyball match can be played during the time you take to do your stupid hair.” Hajime grumbles.

“Unlike a certain ogre friend of mine, I actually care about my looks.”

Hajime wants to argue, say that he never looks anything short of gorgeous regardless of whether or not he bathes his hair in a dozen products, but decides against it. Instead he takes a volleyball from near the foot of the bed and throws it at his shoulder, not wanting to delay the process by hitting his head.

“You stupid gorilla!” Oikawa cries, eyebrows scrunched. “No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend. No one wants to date a Neanderthal!”

“You don’t have a girlfriend either, you ass.” He retaliates.

“That’s because I can never disappoint my admirers by settling for someone.” He answers chivalrously, hand on his heart all saint like.

“Shut up before I punch you.”

“See? Neanderthal.”

“At least I’m not a whiny six year old.”

“Rude!”

“You’re not denying it.”

They go back and forth, almost like clockwork. For every tick there’s a tock that follows without delay. It’s comforting somehow, familiar, and at one point Iwaizumi begins to enjoy the offended look on Oikawa’s face.

When the setter finally finishes styling his hair, they make their way to the station. The sun is quite abrasive, so they’re thankful for the short distance.

Hajime wipes a bead of sweat that trickles down the side of his face as they board the train. It’s quite empty, probably due to it being early during the weekend, so they’re able to seat themselves down.

Despite the abundance in space, Hajime and Tooru sit quite close together, knees touching and arms brushing against each other every once in a while.

“Takeru asked for your number last night. Did he call you?” Oikawa asks in a hushed voice.

Iwaizumi smiles at the mention of his favorite kid. “No, he texted me. At twelve, sharp.” He mocks Oikawa’s words from earlier.

Aghast, the setter’s widen. “Did he wish you before me, though, Iwa-chan?”

“Hm, maybe.”

“Iwa!” he hisses, “This is extremely important!”

Hajime stretches his lips into an unimpressed line, lightly flicking Oikawa’s forehead. “Stop fussing over such trivial things, stupid. You were first.”

In a dramatic display, Oikawa sighs in relief. “Being number one isn’t trivial.”

“The only one who views this as a competition is you, dumbass.”

“You’re just jealous I’m such a great friend.”

“You’re a terrible friend.” Hajime throws back, not meaning it.

“Take that back, Iwa-chan!”

“No.”

“Iwa-chaaan! Don’t be mean!” He whisper-yells, pouting.

“Don’t be annoying, then.”

Just like clockwork, a tock for a tick, for the rest of the train ride.

“Woo~” Oikawa cheers, skipping off the train on to the platform.

Hajime snickers behind the back of his hand at Oikawa’s childish antics as they exit the station. Something in his stomach turns, and it’s pleasant somehow.

Like he’s been doing these past few months, he ignores it.

“What should I buy Iwa-chan? Hmm…” Oikawa trails off, eyeing the shops. “Some anti-wrinkle cream, perhaps? Since you’re always scowling.”

Oikawa emphasizes his point by poking between Hajime’s eyebrows, getting rid of the crease.

“How about some extra adhesive duct tape so I can shut you up when you’re being annoying?”

“I am not buying you that.”

Hajime snickers.

They walk through a few stores, nothing really catching their eyes. Hajime doesn’t know what tangible good he wants. He honestly has everything he needs and then some. When he tells Oikawa this, the brunet just pouts and tells him that there has to be something.

At a sports shop, Oikawa offers to buy him a pair of shoes. Hajime declines, adamant on not allowing Oikawa to spend too much money.

Then Oikawa insists he buy him some clothes because Iwa-chan’s clothes are so plain. Again, he declines.

“Why won’t you let me spoil you, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa pouts petulantly.

“It’s not your job to spoil me.” Hajime replies without missing a beat. “Now go take a seat. I’ll bring you your drink.”

“Fine.” He Huff’s, cheeks puffed. “I want a-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know what you want.” Hajime mutters with the fancy drink in mind. He doesn’t look at the menu as he dictates his order of a lemonade and Oikawa’s complex one of an iced coffee blended with three sugars, two shots of milk and cinnamon dusted on top of the whipped cream.

The cashier blinks twice, and after Hajime repeats himself, the orders are placed, so he waits patiently for the drinks to be prepared.

When he scans the food court for a mop of brown hair, he has to squint to see Oikawa at the farthest corner from where he’s standing.

After reaching him, he sees that Oikawa has a gift bag on one of the four chairs and he’s humming a light tune while tapping his long fingers rhythmically on the metal table.

“When’s you get that?” he asks, placing Oikawa’s drink in front of him. The setter beams.

“I had my eyes on it for a while, so I quickly grabbed it while you were getting our drinks because I knew Iwa-chan would fuss about it if he saw.”

Hajime exhales, reaching for the bag, but Oikawa slaps it away. “Open it at home, Iwa! I don’t want you to ruin the packaging.”

He narrows his eyes, lips turned down. “I’m going to open it either ways, Crappykawa. Why not do it now?”

“Because! It’s weird to open presents in public. Especially when the present isn’t a small one.”

Iwaizumi eyes the blue bag, cursing the lack of gaps to get a glimpse of whatever is inside. Oikawa notices, because he snickers. For once it’s Iwaizumi to pout as he sips on the sweet and sour drink.

“Let’s go home.” Oikawa insists, pocketing his phone. “Unless there’s something else you’d like to buy? It’ll be time for lunch soon.”

Iwaizumi stands up, nodding. He pushes both of their chairs in before catching up to Oikawa, who asks him to hold his drink while he searches for something.

Silently, they walk, a drink in each of Hajime’s hands while the gift bag hangs on Oikawa’s wrist, hands busy with searching through the contents of his wallet.

It’s the one Hajime gave him for Christmas, the outer part with a gray alien head.

Hajime smiles fondly at the memory of Oikawa’s face lighting up at the sight of it.

“Ah!” Oikawa cheers, holding two five yen coins in front of his face. “There’s a fountain by the exit. I want to make a wish~”

With that, he takes his drink and hands one of the coins to Iwaizumi, who doesn’t argue.

They walk to the expertly carved fountain, the tricking of water soothing their ears along with the wishes they have stored in mind, only interrupted by the small plop of the two coins breaking through the surface of the clear water, escaping to the gray bottom, taking their wishes with it.

Oikawa texts and walks as they near their neighborhood, so Hajime keeps an eye out for any veering vehicles. It’s not like telling him off will do any good so he may as well prevent any damage.

He pockets the device when they reach the Iwaizumi residence, and Hajime takes his key out of his pocket to unlock the door.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Numerous voices chorus as soon as the front door opens, and Hajime jumps back a little with shock and wide eyes.

“What the h-“ he glances sideways at Oikawa, who has the biggest grin on his face, then at his teammates, parents and Oikawa’s family members.

“Surprise, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa grins in a way where the joy reaches his brown eyes. Really, it’s absolutely gorgeous.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa are the first to advance him from the crowd, jumping on top of him and ruffling his hair.

“Happy birthday, vice-captain!” they say in sync, and Hajime laughs as the two - to his great chagrin - taller boys release their grasp.

“Thank you.” He replies, first addressing them and then the rest of the crowd. “You guys really shouldn’t have.”

“You could do with a little bit of Tooru’s self-centeredness, Hajime.” Oikawa’s sister, Akane, chuckles and pats his shoulder. “Now go freshen up quick. We’re serving lunch soon.”

Hajime nods while Oikawa defends his pride, hurrying upstairs to wash his hands and splash some water onto his face. When he’s about to get out, Oikawa shows up, probably to do the same.

“I kept your gift in your room.” Oikawa informs, absentmindedly grabbing the folded sleeve of Hajime’s button-down and adjusting the cuffs.

Hajime’s heart hammers in his chest, and he swallows the lump in his throat as the taller of the two does the same for his other sleeve.

He remembers that he said something, so he nods. “Right, thank you.”

He receives a small smile in return, the kind which is soft and fond and just seems personal, intimate, like it was customized just for him. It drives him slightly insane every now and then when he’s lucky enough to be on the receiving end of it.

This is in the top three as well.

“Now shoo.” Oikawa nudges him towards the stairs gently, hand lingering airily on his shoulder for a second before he retrieves it. “I’ll be right down.”

All Hajime can do is nod, turning around and taking heavy steps down the hall, and then down the stairs, breathing in and out rhythmically to calm his entire being.

“Iwaizumi senpai!” Kindaichi calls as he enters the living room, where all his teammates are gathered, chatting amongst themselves. The middle blocker stands up, his best friend in tow, before handing him a neatly wrapped box. “For you.”

Hajime accepts it with a smile. “Thank you, Kindaichi.” He then turns his eyes to Kunimi, a neutral expression on his facial features, but an expectant look in his eyes. He hands him a small gift bag. “Ever the talker,” he teases, patting him on the back. “Thank you.”

Matsukawa pulls Hajime down on the floor, to sit beside him and an empty spot. When Oikawa arrives, that’s where he sits.

“He visited you in the morning, didn’t he?” Hanamaki asks, glaring at Oikawa. “Bastard wouldn’t let us. Made us do all the work arranging this.”

“Someone had to distract him.” Oikawa turns his chin up indignantly. “Besides, Iwa-chan enjoys Oikawa-sama’s company best.”

He earns himself a punch for the self-imposed title.

Kyoutani chuckles at that, and Hajime smiles, pleased. He notices the boxes and bags in each of his teammate’s hands and feels a sense of gratitude in his stomach.

“Boys! We’re going to be cutting the cake now!” Hajime’s mother calls, evoking everyone to stand up excitedly to walk to the living room

Hajime gestures for them to leave the presents on the couch, walking behind them all to where his and Oikawa’s families are gathered.

“Hajime!” Takeru grins, running to the spiker energetically to give him a hug. “Happy birthday, my favorite uncle!”

Everyone laughs as Hajime hugs him back at Oikawa’s look of alarm and disdain. Kyoutani looks the most amused Hajime has ever seen him.

Everyone and their ancestors are well aware of how much Oikawa values his nephew’s love for him. Hajime is sure Takeru knows too, which must be why he made it a point to announce what he did just now.

“I’m your second favorite, aren’t I, Tak?” Hanamaki asks, kneeling down a little.

“Hm, no.” he says thoughtfully, glancing at Oikawa’s look of hope momentarily before looking back at them. “You and Matsun are tied in that spot.”

The arrows that shoot through Oikawa’s chest are almost visible as the center of attention high-fives the third year duo with each hand.

“I’ll remember this, Ta-chan.” Oikawa states with a frown, and in return, Takeru pokes his tongue out at him.

Hajime has to go through the embarrassment of everyone singing him the happy birthday song while he cuts through the cake (courtesy of Hanamaki’s exceptional baking skills) with HAPPY BIRTHDAY ACE! written on it after blowing the candles and of course, making a wish.

The same wish he’s made the previous two times that day.

He successfully dodges Matsukawa’s fingers that are covered in frosting, followed by Hanamaki, who aims at his forehead. His parents laugh it off, instructing everyone to serve themselves.

“Takeru, let Yahaba-kun eat.” Akane scolds the child who is happily seated on the setter’s shoulders, legs hanging on his front

“That’s alright, Nee-san. I can manage.” Yahaba waves it off.

“If you’re sure.” She beams at him and for a split second Hajime is reminded of just how blessed the Oikawas are in the look sector.

To Hajime – and most of the team’s – amusement, Kyoutani helps Yahaba gather food onto his plate, even offering to carry it to the living room as Yahaba’s hands are gripping Takeru’s legs to keep him in place.

Well, then, Hajime thinks and piles food onto his own plate, not missing the look of dejection on Oikawa’s face.

“Oy,” he punches the crown of his head gently. “You know they were messing with you, right?”

“What if he was telling the truth, Iwa-chan?” he cries. “My own blood. Betraying me.”

“Stop being so dramatic, dumbass.” Hajime scolds, sitting down on the floor in the living room.

Takeru is now sat between Yahaba and Watari, talking to them about his volleyball classes. When his eyes meet Hajime’s, the spiker gestures towards Oikawa, and Take nods in understanding.

He hops off the couch, padding towards Oikawa and hugging him from the back, little arms wrapped around his neck.

“Tooru~” he chimes, slapping his palms against his uncle’s cheeks lightly. “You’re such a crybaby.”

“I am not a crybaby!” Oikawa scowls, but smiles nevertheless.

“It’s usually the adults who comfort the kids.” Hanamaki snickers.

“What’s your point? That’s exactly what’s going on here.” Matsun adds in monotone, making everyone laugh.

“You all are so mean to your precious captain.” Oikawa scowls, eyes narrowed. Takeru is sitting beside him now. “It hurts my fragile heart.”

Watari snorts.

Lunch continues this way, with the team teasing each other (mostly Oikawa) and eventually shifts towards a more general discussion on volleyball.

After eating, Akane serves everyone cake. Takeru runs off, only to return with a box.

“Let’s open presents!” he demands, jumping in his spot. “Hajimeee!”

“Sure thing.” He agrees, and everyone returns to their spots.

“Mine first!” Takeru shouts, handing him the white and gold box. “Well, it’s also from mom and dad, but it was my idea!”

Hajime chuckles and everyone watches as he takes off the box and then the lid to uncover something gray and black in a plastic bag. He takes it out to unfold a branded duffel bag.

“Whoa, thank you, Takeru.” He hugs him, looking at the white logo of his favorite sports brand.

“You’re welcome!”

“Oh, you’re opening presents already?” Hajime turns around to see Oikawa’s father, his daughter beside him.

“Yeah. Thank you for this, Nee-san. Thank Nii-san for me too.” He refers to her husband, who’s on a business trip.

“Don’t mention it, kiddo.”

His parents appear with Mrs. Oikawa, who hands him a rectangular box. His father gives him one too, only smaller, mumbling a, “this is from your mother and I.”

He thanks them both, before the adults leave them to continue.

“Okay, open Makki’s next.” Matsun pushes the navy box towards him, grinning.

Of course, this can’t be good.

“You got me the cake, didn’t you? There wasn’t a need to get something else.”

“Oh, there was.” Makki smirks, gesturing for him to open it.

He does, to find a dog leash with a note saying, to keep oikawa in check in Hanamaki’s bubbly handwriting.

Everyone bursts out laughing, except for the victim, who only glares and whines about how much of a bully Hanamaki is.

“You can even use it for other purposes. I won’t kink shame.” He winks, earning another round of guffaws. Takeru only stares in confusion while Iwaizumi burns with embarrassment.

“Gosh, no one can beat that.” Watari chuckles, outstretching his arms with a pink envelope.

Inside are discount coupons to Hajime’s favorite ramen shop.

“Looks like you’re going to be treating us to ramen soon.” Matsukawa throws an arm around his shoulders, only to get shrugged off.

“Hell no.”

He enjoys going through the presents and each of his team members reacting to them. Yahaba gives him new kneepads, Kindaichi and Kunimi a snapback each from his favorite shop, Yahaba a collection of CDs of all the Godzilla movies, his parents a new wristwatch, Oikawa’s parents a sweater and Matsukawa (unsurprisingly) a Godzilla toilet paper holder.

“Where the hell did you even get this?” Iwaizumi asks, unsure whether to frown or laugh. The middle blocker looks extremely proud.

“In the deep depths of the internet.”

“Now you have a toilet paper holder that matches your face, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa chirps, evoking Hajime to smack him upside the head.

He finishes the process by opening Kyoutani’s present. There’s no way to anticipate what it is, seeing as his face is as stoic as always.

Really, no one was expecting what comes out of the cardboard box.

Hajime – and probably everyone else in the room – stares, aghast, at the coffee mug with the image of none other than Godzilla with Hajime’s face (a little too expertly) photo-shopped onto where the monster’s face would be.

“No way…” Makki mutters.

“Did you make this, Kyoutani?” Yahaba asks.

The spiker grunts in confirmation.

Everyone loses their shit, guffawing and slapping his back at his unexpected humor. Hajime runs his hand over the design, chortling himself.

“Where’s your present, Tooru?” Takeru tilts his head up to look at his uncle.

“Yeah, didn’t you take him shopping?” Watari asks with a mouth full of cake.

“It’s in his bedroom~” Oikawa answers airily, looking proud of himself.

“Oh?” Matsukawa raises a busy eyebrow.

“Bedroom? Could it be?” Hanamaki adds without missing a beat.

Kindaichi blushes at the insinuation, even though he isn’t on the receiving end of the teasing.

“Oikawa, you dog!” Matsukawa emphasizes on the last word, and a smattering of chuckles ensue at the memory of Hanamaki’s present.

Oikawa has his hands over his previous nephew’s ears, who just seems oblivious to the implications. He’s sure to add in a glare to the perpetrators for good measure.

“He’ll learn soon anyways.” Hanamaki waves him off.

“Yeah, because of you, Hanamaki-san.” Kunimi drones in his monotone.

“Thank you, Kunimi.” Oikawa nods, returning the glare back towards the pink-haired third year.

“Its fine it’s fine.” He shrugs.

Iwaizumi punches his shoulder. “No, it is not. At least wait till he’s twelve.”

“You heard Oikawa’s husband, Makki, wait till he’s twelve.”

Iwaizumi is used to it by now so he just rolls his eyes.

They hang out for a few hours, playing on Hajime’s PlayStation. Hanamaki even challenges him to an arm wrestling match, and everyone is cheering and shouting as Iwaizumi gains yet another victory.

Matsukawa is quick to comfort his wounded friend.

“One day, Iwaizumi. I swear on my Shrek light-up shoes.” Hanamaki declares.

Everyone gasps.

His Shrek light-up shoes are no joke.

“I’ll be waiting, then.” Hajime chuckles, scratching at an itch near his elbow.

“You stupid bara arms.” Hanamaki spits, and the petulance almost reminds him off a certain brunet.

At around five, everyone prepares to leave. The second years are first to take their leave, bidding goodbye to the team and the adults in the dining room. Takeru high-fives each one of them, even making Kyoutani break out into a miniscule smile.

Then it’s the first years. Kindaichi, ever the respectful kouhai, bows slightly while thanking the adults for the wonderful food and time. Kunimi does too, only with much less verve.

When it’s Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s turn to leave, they casually take their leave from the adults they’re so familiar with, high-fiving Takeru and telling him to go hard on Tooru. He, of course, grins and says he will before disappearing to the dining room where his mother is.

“Enjoy your present in the bedroom.” Matsukawa mentions, placing a hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

Hanamaki places a hand on the other, saying, “Make good use of the leash.”

“Oh, buzz off!” Oikawa scolds, shoving them out the door.

“Someone’s impatient~” they sing simultaneously, leaving with a wave.

Hajime shuts the door when they’re well out of sight.

“That was fun.” Hajime breathes, smile on his face as a result of the good day. He gathers most of the present in his arms, Oikawa taking the rest. “Thank you for going through the trouble.”

“Oikawa-sama is the best after all~”

“I take back what I said.” Hajime grumbles, walking past him to the dining room.

“Thank you guys for today. I really appreciate it.” He announces.

“Of course, dear.” His mother stands up to hug him sideways due to the presents in his arms. “You enjoyed yourself, yes?”

“Very much.” He beams at her the looks at Oikawa’s family. “Uncle, aunty, Neesan, and of course Takeru, thank you for coming. And for the presents.”

“What are you being so formal about, Hajime? It’s not like we traveled far.” Mr. Oikawa laughs.

He smiles in gratitude, and Oikawa tells them that they’ll be in his room to open up the best present of all.

Hajime would have slapped the back of his head had his hands been free.

Oikawa is pretty much a compressed ball of energy and excitement as he bounds up the stairs, insisting that Hajime hurry as if the existence of his gift has a time limit.

The door to Hajime’s room is – quite enthusiastically – opened by Oikawa. Placing his gifts on the floor, the first thing that he notices is the volleyball on his bed with little scribbles.

The imperative team present, a ball signed by all the members with little messages underneath. Hajime can’t help but grin, planning on reading it after tending to the six foot tall lump of joy.

“Iwa-chan!” he calls, and when Hajime looks at him, he gestures towards his table.

Walking towards it, he sees a photo frame with a picture of them in their Aoba Johsai volleyball uniform, high-fiving sideways, looks of pride and felicity lighting up their sweat-glistened faces. The focus is on them, so the background isn’t clear. The white blurs tell him the other team is most probably Date Tech.

Surely, the picture was taken by one of their school photographers, for it looks clean and professional. He runs a thumb over the metal frame, even more surprised when he reads the kanji at the bottom.

It’s a combination of their first names, spelling out dauntless.

Hajime feels his heart soar and contract at the same time.

“Oikawa…” he breathes.

“Open the bag, Iwa-chan!” he bounces on his feet, and Hajime glances at him to be struck with the image of a human being practically emitting light.

Gently placing the frame on his table, he opens the bag, hands touching a soft green material. He takes the fluffy item out, holding it in front of him.

A Godzilla onesie.

A familiar one.

“It’s like the one I gave you on your eighth birthday.” Oikawa voices Hajime’s thoughts. “I hope you like it.”

To be honest, onesies aren’t the first thing that comes to mind when Hajime wonders what to wear, but the material is soft and it’s sentimental and it’s from the person who means most to him.

“Of course I do. Thank you, Oikawa.”

“Oikawa-sama.”

“Don’t push it.” Iwaizumi warns, but it’s all in good nature. Oikawa laughs it off, falling back onto Hajime’s bd.

He folds the onesie and puts it inside the blue bag, motioning for Oikawa to scoot over and make space for him. It’s a little cramped, what with them being grown boys and the bed being twin-sized, but Hajime thinks he likes it better this way, with their arms touching, heartbeats close by.

“Birthdays are great, aren’t they? Especially celebrating it with people important to you.”

Hajime twists his head to look at his best friend, smiling to himself. “Yeah.”

“Eighteen, huh? I’ll be catching up to you.” Oikawa mutters, since there’s no real need to be loud with them being so close to each other.

“I’ll always be older, though.” Hajime replies.

“At least I’m prettier.” Hajime feels Oikawa’s fingers moving, knuckles tapping his own every now and then.

He doesn’t bother denying it. Anyone would say so too, looking at his milky skin and rich, brown eyes. Anyone looking at his precisely messy hair would twitch with the urge to run their fingers through it. Anyone looking at his soft, pink lips would –

Hajime’s curtains are drawn, but a sliver of sunlight managed to enter his room, a stripe of golden that falls on his wall and curves onto Oikawa’s cheek. Somehow, Hajime can relate. He too wants to peek through obstacles, trespass whatever wall he has to, in order to get to Oikawa. In order to be with him. In order to touch him.

“You’re staring.” Oikawa whispers, evoking a chill to go down Hajime’s spine, even more so when he shifts slightly to make eye contact.

“Yeah.” He whispers back, unable to think of anything else. Everything his mind is screaming at him, he can’t grow the courage to act on it, but at least it makes admitting staring at his best friend seem like child’s play in comparison.

Oikawa’s fingers have stopped moving now. To some extent, Hajime feels like his entire being has, too.

His body feels like it’s on fire. But he can’t bring himself to do anything about it. He can’t bring himself to give in to the warmth, to burn ablaze. He just lays there.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa’s voice cracks. He realizes that he’s been staring at his lips.

He snaps out of his reverie, averting his gaze to anywhere that isn’t Oikawa.

“Y-yeah, sorry.” He mutters, standing up on his own accord. Maybe it’s the lack of light. Yes, it’s definitely clouding his vision.

Before he can move to open the curtains, to let the sunlight bathe away his thoughts, he feels a warm hand grasp his, smooth and delicate almost.

He dares himself to glance back, make eye contact once more, maybe come up with an excuse.

But, as soon as his green eyes meet the brown ones that’s constantly been presenting themselves in his thoughts for a while now, his resolve crumbles. Absentmindedly, he sits down, their hands still together. He’s not sure who does it, but their fingers interlace, and the warmth that seeps his entire body is all-consuming and pleasant and it elicits his heart to respond by thrumming like it’s running from something.

Or perhaps, towards.

“Hey,” Hajime gazes at the source of the voice, feeling the mattress shift as Oikawa sits up. Their eyes don’t leave each other, and Hajime bites his lips to prevent himself from saying anything that would have consequences.

Oikawa inches closer, or maybe it’s Hajime. Every movement seems painstakingly slow, dragged out in his mind that’s screaming kiss him kiss him kiss him.

Oikawa’s knee is pressed against the side of Hajime’s thigh, and even though there are two layers of clothing between their skins, he feels the buzz of electricity that cages his every cell.

Oikawa let’s go of his hand, only to lean his body on it, towards Hajime.

“I really want to-“ Hajime’s thoughts somehow leave his lips, but he’s interrupted before he can finish.

“Then do it.” Oikawa murmurs, eyes on Hajime’s mouth, and that’s all the permission needed before Hajime swoops in to tentatively join their lips into a chaste kiss.

It’s everything he imagined kissing Oikawa would be like, with something more. His lips are soft, enticing, and every atom in his body buzz at the touch.

Slowly, he pulls away, actions hesitant as he searches Oikawa’s face for any signs of uncertainty.

“Are you sure this is-“

Shut up.

And this time it’s Oikawa to make their lips meet, and it’s everything the first time wasn’t. It’s everything that Oikawa is.

It’s rough and demanding and it knows no boundaries and Hajime absolutely relishes in it. Their lips meld together hungrily, Hajime’s hands running through Oikawa’s hair to pull him closer, to taste him just a little more. A sound escapes from the back of Oikawa’s throat, and Hajime’s lips part ever so slightly, skin burning is the greatest way possible.

Oikawa is first to initiate tongue, and there’s no room for complaints as Hajime opens his mouth a little wider, Oikawa’s warmth in his mouth as their tongues glide together, no real rhythm left between their lips since all movement is now completely void of order and just desperate, eager, searching.

Hajime takes Oikawa’s bottom lip between his teeth, sucking gently, grazing it carefully in order to not hurt him.

“Mmf,” Oikawa mumbles, before pulling away. It takes less than three seconds for him to adjust position, seemingly uncomfortable from leaning on his hand all this time, shifting on his knees, arms around Hajime’s neck, wasting no time to crash their lips together once more.

A knock on the door has the two practically jumping away from each other. Hajime silently clears his throat, in no doubt that his voice is hoarse.

“Tooru, Hajime? We’re leaving!” Takeru shouts, and with wide eyes Hajime looks over to Oikawa, wordlessly asking if it’s okay to open the door.

Oikawa holds up one finger, placing a pillow on his legs and leaning his arms on it before confirming his question.

Hajime can’t help but smirk as he opens the door. “Hey, buddy, want me to come downstairs?”

Takeru squints for a second, as if searching for something. Thankfully, it doesn’t last long, and he shakes his head. “That’s okay. Mom just thought I should say goodbye. I’ll see you later!”

He opens his arms out for a hug, so Hajime kneels down and wraps his own around the little guy. He’s very aware of his heart thrashing against his ribcage, and he silently prays that Takeru can’t feel it, too.

“See you at home, Tooru!” Takeru chirps, waving and skipping down the stairs. Hajime closes the door again.

Iwaizumi releases a breath he was unaware of holding, looking at Oikawa whose face relaxes from the forced smile.

“Cock-block.” Oikawa mutters under his breath, just loud enough for Hajime to hear who chuckles. Albeit, he is a little disappointed at the interruption. He’s not sure how to advance in this situation, either.

“He just wanted to say goodbye.”

“He lives down the street!” Oikawa whines, running a hand through his mussed up hair. “Ugh!”

“You’re acting like it’s the end of the world.” Iwaizumi raises his eyebrows, sitting back down.

“It may as well be. I was finally kissing Iwa-chan and he had to ruin it!”

“Finally?”

Oikawa cowers slightly under Iwaizumi’s questioning gaze, cheeks dusted red. “Oh, gosh.” Oikawa mutters, falling onto the mattress and covering his face in embarrassment. In a movement resulting from adrenaline-induced courage, Hajime hovers on top of him, swooping down to steal another kiss.

Oikawa seems pleased, leaning his face up for their lips to meet again, but Iwaizumi pulls away. “What do you mean by ‘finally’?”

Hajime could let this go. He could disregard the trivial comment and resume kissing his best friend, but passing up on a chance to prod at the embarrassment of the person who’s almost always cocky would be like throwing a sack of money into a bonfire.

“Iwa-chaaan!” Oikawa whines, tugging at his neck in an attempt to get him to lean down. Hajime doesn’t budge. “You’re unbelievable.” He murmurs, glaring. “Of course I meant that I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while now. Are you happy? Can we go back to doing what we were doing? Or do you have to be more of an asshole?”

Warmth spreads across Hajime’s chest, and his stomach all but flutters. “How long?”

Oikawa glowers, but Hajime doesn’t stir. Oikawa sighs. “A few months? Years? Who knows? And why the hell does it matter? We’re wasting time here.”

What Hajime feels can only be described as glee, mixed with a hint of regret because he could very well have acted on his urges to kiss his best friend a lot earlier and have his action reciprocated. However, bygones will be bygones, and because he doesn’t want to waste any more time than he already has, he kisses Oikawa, detaching their lips only to say, “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now, too.” And Oikawa smiles the most tantalizing smile Hajime has ever seen, eyes a little hooded but emotion still crystal clear, lips relaxed but still curled upwards, hair messy and breathing soft.

It has to be his favorite.

Later that evening, when they’re under blankets, limbs tangled together, watching a movie, Oikawa asks, “Did any of your birthday wishes come true, today?”

Hajime simpers, but doesn’t meet his eyes. “I only wished for one thing.”

“And did you get it?” Oikawa prods, genuine curiosity lacing his voice.

Hajime nods, turning to face him. “Yeah, I’ve always dreamt of having a Godzilla toilet paper holder.”

Oikawa furrows his eyebrows, rolling his eyes. “Such a fan-boy.”

Hajime laughs, leaning over to kiss the top of Oikawa’s head thinking that if you want to kiss your best friend, wishing for it on dandelions, fountains and birthday candles just might be the way to get to do it.

Out Of Nothing At All - Five

Yes, you and Spencer. The man you could barely stand to sit next to at work. How had that happened indeed?

**Flashback to approximately 18 weeks ago.**

This dude was boring. But so pretty. But boring as fuck.

You’d been willing to push that to one side just so you could check out what was underneath his jeans and shirt and maybe give him something to bite on so that he’d stop talking. But then he’d pulled out his phone and started talking about a novel he was writing.

And then he’d insisted on showing you some of his work. If you could call it that.

His first paragraph was twenty lines long and didn’t contain a single use of punctuation or grammar. And he’d written ‘your’ when he’d clearly meant ‘you’re’.

Some things you could overlook for a pretty face and a decent fuck but bad grammar wasn’t one of them. He had to go. Or more like, you had to go.

He’d picked you up from outside of work and taken you to a dive bar fifteen miles out of the city so you needed to find a reason to leave. You excused yourself and made your way to the ladies room. Finding your phone, you speed dialled Morgan. He’d bailed you out on more than one occasion as had you for him.

“H-hello?” A voice that definitely did not belong to Derek.

“Reid? Is that you? Have I dialled the wrong number?” You pulled your phone from your ear reading that the display did in fact say Morgan.

“No, he left his phone with me with instructions that I was to answer if you called. Something about you needing a get out clause.”

“Where is he?”

“Currently dry humping a women named Jessica in a booth at the back of the bar. Although… I’m not sure it’s ‘dry.’ She seems to be enjoying it far too much.”

You laughed, appreciating his rare attempt at humour. “Where’s Garcia?”

“She left about ten minutes ago, attached to a broker named Westley.”

Fuck…. You groaned. Cab it was.

“Y/N, if you need a ride, I can come get you. I’ve only had one drink and that was an hour ago.”

“No it’s fine. I’ll call a cab and think of something.” You didn’t want to end up owing him a favour.

“Where are you? Seriously, I don’t mind. I’m kinda bored here anyway. And I’m not tired yet, the drive might wear me out,“ he offered again.

“Okay. Thank you. But NO statistics about how online dating leads to failure or anything please.” Spencer laughed and you told him where you were, asking him to call your cell when he was two minutes out.

Freshening up, you begrudgingly made your way back to Bretton. God, even his name sucked. You’d thought it sounded cool and suave when you’d seen his profile but now… Just ugh. You bet that wasn’t even his real name.

Downing two drinks in quick succession you listened to him drone on and on about his clearly fake ass publishing deal. The guy couldn’t even string a sentence together properly, no one was going to read any atrocity he produced.

Twenty seven soul deadening minutes later and your bag began to sing. Your work phone going off. Well, point one to Dr Reid, he’d had the sense to call that. It made the ruse so much easier if you were seen to be answering a different phone.

“Sorry, gotta take this. It’s work.” You turned away from the table, swiping to answer.

“Hey Y/N, I’m outside.”

“What’s that? A double homicide in Cinncinati? But it’s a Friday night….. Yes I know,….. Yes, yes, okay. You’re outside already? But I’m on a date… Fine… I’ll reschedule. You owe me.”

You could hear Reid chuckling quietly to yourself as you hung up, plastering an apologetic look on your face.

“I’m so sorry, I’m needed. It’s been great, but my colleague is outside waiting for me.” You started to make your way towards the door, Bretton following you.

“How did they know where you were? I didn’t tell you where we were going until I picked you up.”

Shit, he was right. You spotted Reid’s tiny little Beetle, always amused that someone as tall as him would choose such a small car. He’d listed a hundred reasons when you’d asked him about it but you’d shut off after the seventh.

“Erm….. The FBI tracks my location constantly in case I’m needed urgently. Part of my employment contract with them is that I must always carry a tracking device.”

“Really? That’s so cool. Can I see it? I’d love to be able to describe one in my writings.”

Oh for fuck sake. You rummaged in your purse seeing a tiny orange tampon container, the hard plastic cases that you could carry when you were trying to be discreet. Fuck it, you had plenty of them at home and weren’t due on for another week anyway. You dug it out and handed it to him before walking around to the passenger side of Spencer’s car and pulling the door open.

“Keep it. I have like ten. I’ll get our tech analyst to disable it later.” You slid into the car closing the door and hearing a, “Wow, that’s so….. Wait what?”

You glanced out the window seeing that he’d opened it and was holding the tampon, staring at it curiously.

“Drive Spencer, drive!” you burst out laughing as your unlikely rescuer put his foot down and sped out of the car park and onto the main road.

“Did you seriously just try to convince that guy that a feminine hygiene product was a government issued tracking device?”

“Yep!” You glanced at him and you both started giggling again.

You rarely spent time with your colleague outside of work, he’d come out with you, Penny and Derek a few times but generally always left early. Everyone on the team had been surprised that you two hadn’t become fast friends. Spencer was only a few years older than you, and you were both seriously smart, loving books and nerdy stuff like Doctor Who. It wasn’t that you weren’t friends, but…..you were more colleagues than anything.

It didn’t stop you all socialising as a team and it didn’t impede your working relationship. You shared a mutual respect for each other, but you just didn’t click with him the way you did with the others. You’d tried, and he’d tried too, but there was a invisible boundary preventing you from being the good friends everyone else seemed to think you should be.

Still, it was nice seeing a relaxed, smiling Spencer for a change. And you appreciated the fact that he come all this way to pick you up. You told him so.

“Thank you by the way. For coming to get me.”

“No problem. What was his problem anyway?”

“Not knowing the difference between their, there and they’re.” You saw the confused look on his face and explained about Bretton’s so called novel.

“Seriously? God Y/N, I thought you had better taste than that!”

“I do, normally.” You searched through your large bag for the emergency hip flask you carried for when dates went wrong. Finding it, you unscrewed the cap and took a swallow.

“What’s that?”

“Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum. Best drink ever.” You took another gulp, it burning your throat as you swallowed, the buzz hitting a few seconds later. “I’d offer you some, but ya know. Driving and all that.”

“It’s fine. But…. You’re drinking something named Morgan. You realise the double entendre there right?”

“Oh definitely. I’d drink him down like pop given the chance.” You waggled your eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh like you haven’t already,” Spencer smirked at you. You ignored the comment.

“What’s up with you anyway. It’s not very often they manage to drag you out on a Friday night. You finally read every book ever written or something?”

“Nope, just fancied it for a change. But then when Penelope and Derek abandoned me for more exciting options it got a bit boring.”

“Well maybe you should have found your own more exciting option?”

He laughed again at you, the sound not unpleasant to your ears. “Yeah, as if. Erm… It’s down here right? You live on Oak Valley Road right?”

You nodded. He’d been in the car a few times when you’d been dropped off.

It was only when he turned into your street that you felt a sense of dread.

Emptying your bag out onto your lap and the footwell, you wanted to kick your self.

“Problem?” Reid asked.

“My house keys are in my drawer at work. I can’t get in,” You sighed, trying remember whether you’d left any windows open a small amount. Probably not. Working where you did had conditioned you to always leave your home fully secured.

“Shit, I can drive you back? Have you got your pass on you? Mine’s at home.”

You shook your head. You’d been in a rush to meet Bretton and you could picture your pass and your keys exact position inside your drawer. And it was another forty five minutes there and back to work.

“Okay, we’ll have to swing by mine then and grab my pass first. Or……. ” He looked uncomfortable as he suggested the next part. “You can just stay on my couch and I can drive you in tomorrow?”

You considered the options. Another hour and a half before you could relax, or spend the night on a couch.

Fuck it, you’d slept in worse places than Spencer Reid’s couch. “I’m sorry for putting you out Spencer. Is it okay if I stay with you?”

He nodded and made a three point turn, pointing the car in the direction of his apartment.

Little did you know, this was the worse choice you could have possibly made.

Ship war au!

IT IS DONNNNNNE! Hi everyone, Mr.E here with a new story. So in case you hadn’t heard, @moringmark came up with an awesome au and i highly recommend you go read his comics to find out. in general really go read his stuff.  In short Jackie and Marco’s child named Jam and Star and Marco’s child Elizabeth come back from two different futures to make sure they are born. Jarco and Starco child are at ends with each other. I wanted to write a story for this epic au and i also pitched some ideas to moringmark about oc love interests for the two because PEOPLE KEEP PAIRING THEM TOGETHER! I’m sorry bu they are half siblings. no, just no. in any case i tried my best to give them love interests to better suit everyones shipping needs. Elizabeth’s best friend from the future Dart who is a gentlemanly teen who believes in standing up for those who can’t and Jelly, a present day girl who is a little dazed but heavily into conspiracies. I’ll write more stories, throw more time travel goodness in there *coughnova* and all that jazz but for now it’s time to give the spot light to moringmark’s amazingly well crafted ocs. I hope you and everyone else enjoys them

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Lyanna Mormont’s Dismissal of Sansa Stark (Show Breaks Its Own Rules AGAIN)

Lyanna Mormont, in this scene: 

dismisses Sansa Stark out of hand, despite her allegiance to House Stark. After consulting, she shoots back with, “You’re a Lannister, or a Bolton, I’ve heard conflicting reports.” Except that that’s not entirely how Westeros works, the women of Westeros still are deeply tied and those ties are valued, as children of their parents, in cases of nobility. Sansa takes this put down meekly, which is in direct contrast to her own mother. Catelyn had no issue calling upon her lord father’s bannermen to help take Tyrion hostage, nor did they dismiss her with some, “oh, you’re a Stark now….bugger off” nonsense. Her family and her relationship to her family was an intricate part of the entire plot, from leaving Winterfell to the Red Wedding (far more in the books.

But note how nobly the scene is handled in which Catelyn calls upon her father’s bannermen to arrest Tyrion Lannister in Season 2: 

So, in the universe of the show, we already have the horrors that are breaking guest right broken again without much regard, kinslaying completely ignored (so far) in the case of Cersei blowing up at least two relatives in the Sept of Baelor, among other examples (show!Balon), but we also have Sansa’s newly acquired inability to invoke her ancestry as a Stark, as the daughter of Lord Eddard Stark (Lyanna Mormont is still loyal to him, as shown in even this scene, “the North remembers” has been woven in as well. So, why is no one horrified that Sansa was forced to marry these men, both of families that are enemies to Bear Island, for the sole purpose of using her name to gain control of Winterfell and the North with it? Why wouldn’t they rally to her cause?

Like so much else, that if just watching the show alone, you’d have to scratch your head over the constantly changing rules thrown at you. Catelyn was a Stark–but remained also the daughter of Lord Hoster Tully and was respected as such. Sansa, meh. The North knows no King but the King in the North whose name is Stark! But this one Stark standing in front of you (forget about Jon’s status for now) who should be lauded for trying to help unite the North, or at least by the standards of the show should be USED for her name in order to do so, is no Stark. Because it was more awesome to introduce a badass little girl to “steal the episode” and rip a hole right through the overall universe. 

Ugh, sorry, it just has bothered me since the scene aired. Much like Dany being thought of as a witch somehow changed….when she set fire to all of the Khals yet walked out unscathed to be worshiped by a people notoriously fearful and with animosity towards anything that can be construed as magic. But hey, she looked like a badass (trademark), right? 

Tsk, tsk, Benioff & Weiss. 

Edit: Thanks for adding on and weighing in to so many people, I didn’t expect something I wrote half asleep again would get such a response, please see added edit link at top for my rant on female characters as rewritten for television from ASOIAF. I just was pleased but also bothered by the Lyanna Mormont badass scene and wrote about it. I wish I could address everyone who added quotations on this, but I’m not that good with Tumblr. As for the showrunners’ views per their Inside the Episode, here it is: 

For the notion that Sansa would be seen as a betrayer for staying in KL and having anything to do with the Lannisters, it’s broadly regarded on the show and in the books that the North remembers, Catelyn was treated severely for freeing Jaime Lannister to try and deal with the Lannisters to get Sansa back, but it was quite understood that she was doing it to save her captive daughter by those close to Robb, which included Maege Mormont. Who also knew that Ned Stark was beheaded at the Sept of Baelor by the Lannisters. As a member of a noble house, L. Mormont would’ve had full knowledge of all of this (having additional facts being whispered in her ear, even), due to better communications via raven of events and direct contact with remaining Starks (Maege) after Ned’s execution. Jeor Mormont got accurate information on the situation in KL, all the way at the Wall, which continued through that source, Maester Aemon (and Samwell), which led to Jon also knowing more than he otherwise might have.It’s known that this was done with Sansa present, and that she was held afterwards, and while “hostages” among rebellious houses are common (Theon with the Starks, which was only seen as negative by the Ironborn as he’d become less like them), with the North united under Robb as King in the North Sansa was known to be a captive and not cavorting around in KL for fun after they murdered her dad. 

That Sansa was forced to keep condemning, in word only, her own Dad just to stay alive is hardly a point against her, the main Westerosi issue by this point against her (which I don’t think the Northerners involved in the Grand Northern Conspiracy believe but isn’t mentioned here much beyond Robb and Catelyn, book and show, realizing she was a hostage and the initial letters were Cersei’s words in Sansa’s writing) is that she is wanted for her supposed role in Joffrey’s murder. Considering Lyanna’s knowledge as well as animosity towards the Lannisters, in particular the one who had their liege lord executed, I’m unsure of how much blame would be placed on Sansa herself, nor how much is known in the North as to her comments to Lannisters that her father and brother are traitors, which was self defense on her part being considered to possibly have “traitor’s blood” as well as risking constant torture by Joffrey and Cersei. As in the books she’s in the Vale and other mentions (IIRC again) are disbelief that she had poisoned Joffrey or played any part (though she unwittingly was used there, yet again, as a pawn by Littlefinger and Lady Olenna). That would be the main question I’d expect to be asked at Bear Island, instead of dismissal for being forced into marriage. The Mormonts have more knowledge of, and devotion to, the Stark family and their information (book and show) would be more accurate than what many other houses or the smallfolk would get. I understand that Sansa’s having been put in an even worse position than Theon was by her father in terms of her honor would make her position less powerful than Catelyn’s, but the repeated emphasis as to her being “key to the North” is still a key point, as the North is an extremely large area that has and can operate separately from the rest of Westerosi Kingdoms. That Robb is hailed, “King in the North” all the way back in AGOT is rather telling of the North’s attitude there, his failure is not well regarded having led to the deaths of many in the North, but the fury due to the Red Wedding cast even more sympathy to what little remains of House Stark. Regardless, everyone has suffered from the War of 5 Kings and continues to. 

That Catelyn’s little adventure with arresting Tyrion was not regarded as a good or smart move generally, this is well known, but as per the show, she wasn’t regarded as someone not worthy of the respect and fealty once she asked for aid in the name of her FATHER, not her husband or her Bran, and aside from the mountain clans, also had the Vale behind her in this. Her position in that Tyrion is a Lannister and she had no solid proof makes this, overall, less tenable than Sansa’s asking for help taking back her House’s own castle from the hated Boltons. The mere fact she’s there asking, free of Ramsay, is rather a more powerful position. The main change is that Westeros has now been torn apart by war and the long summer has ended, making everyone’s positions more precarious, another reason to (again, just by show rules–an example here would be breaking the idea that Sandor Clegane is at peace at the Quiet Isle perhaps detracts from where GRRM is going in the books with The Hound, but having him still disillusioned with being able to live at peace in a war torn world in the SHOW is still very consistent to how that character is being portrayed on the show). 

The Bolton issue can’t be explained as much, as that is show only, but her escape from Ramsay is obvious and Ramsay’s reputation among those in the North isn’t exactly a good one. The stranger position in this mix would be the fact that Jon is there, asking for fighters to combat Ramsay, who still has Rickon captive at that point in the show (another Stark) when his vows (no one seems really aware that he was killed and resurrected, & many debate whether that would free him of his duties to the Watch, but as per the show it seems a-ok, despite desertion being considered a treasonous and immediate execution situation. I personally think he died, should be free by that loophole to leave & take part in the affairs of the Realm, but that’s what he is doing here, so it seems the Mormonts suddenly have either intimate knowledge of his execution & resurrection or don’t care, which would be odd considering Jeor’s position in the Watch. That’s mainly something I read others debating over, not a personal sticking point. 

I was trying to stick heavily to the rules the show itself has laid out, which I expanded on with more my own op-ed on how women are written, but the original piece was entirely based on the universe presented to us, first by the books, then as rewritten for television. I included there some additional notes on the Dothraki and views on magic, show and books. 

I’m hardly someone who counts themselves as an expert in the books either, but have done several rereads, and this is all just my opinion. I’m NOT an expert at all at Tumblr, so just trying to add my perspective in answer to @id-rather-be-in-disneyland, @no9-revolution, @arianassunflower, and @imheretodebateorami who made some very excellent points re: the entire piece, but also on blood magic and fire, though we don’t know much per the show except hints from the Dothraki who capture Dany that she is a possible witch, and the show hasn’t made as many about them re: fire, though I’d imagine a horse based culture would not be as fond of fire. Yet we know they use it as a tactic in war. I found recreating Dany’s emergence from the funeral pyre to be a bit cheap, personally. Very overtly obviously cheap, but wrote that up in the reblog.  I just consider the show’s glossing over of some of this as bizarre as having Ellaria kill….the rest of Oberyn’s family as her revenge plot before joined by Varys and Olenna to be odd, which again is the show trying to cram all of Dorne in there, not being able to, doing a job of it that was so panned by critics that they tried to re-do it yet again with those more intricate touches that made the show so compelling in the earlier seasons. I covered my personal views on this in the reblog linked above. The same as I op-ed additioned Dany and her being so dramatically different from book to show. 

I’m critiquing show inconsistency and what I consider shoddy, faster paced plot lines since seasons 3-4 in that sense here, the universes don’t necessarily line up to where they were when they were sticking more to the books. Most of my character critiques that bring in a modern worldview deal with aspects of trauma, and what I consider to be an excellent grasp on the effects of trauma as written by GRRM; I don’t consider it nonstop rape for women in arranged marriages in Westeros to not pick or even like their new spouses, as this is the world GRRM created, echoing much of the past that inspired him, a world in which that was the reality for especially noble women, even costing their lives in childbirth. Is that a world I find just or fair personally? No. Is it the world we’re discussing? Yeah. I do still like to read those critiques by writers here, as with most others. If someone tries to postulate that Theon is actually Azor Ahai, then I may want to disagree. 

I agree, @imheretodebateorami for the most part, just went back into can’t shut up or be concise mode here (Qyburn messed with my metaphorical stump here, and I was again given milk of the poppy, quite a rare situation for me here, again, apologies for the length here–and all of the Defense of Jaime Lannister pieces!). But excellent points, just mine are rooted in those pages of lore GRRM gave us and I was trying here to critique the show as stated above.  Lyanna’s stated desire to keep Bear Island safe, this is very believable. Her letter regarding knowing no King in the North but the one whose name is Stark, that is largely the issue with her then treating two Starks as not worthy of much respect, but listening to Davos. Barbrey Dustin, or Wyman Manderly having to openly condemn or dismiss a Stark, those are intricate and interesting issues, both, this is the simplified version, leaving that out to race to an endpoint, glossing over intricacies in plot that drove the earlier seasons so well, often making little sense. 

It’s a petty point, really, but stemming on my part from these two main issues with the show at this point, the show!Badass, cold, one dimensional women (not written this way in the books whatsoever) and faster paced intricate plots that are lacking where they weren’t before. I’m more and more asked by shownly friends to explain what is going on, and as we’re almost entirely out of book world now, it falls to the writers and showrunners to keep things on track that line up at least with what they’ve presented viewers in the past, even if they veer from it heavily as well as from the books, but they seem less and less able to do this well. This was just a good example of that, aside from my “there are no sharks (to jump) in Dorne piece that’s in here somewhere. 

As in the Inside the Episode, they wanted to boil down numerous “bearded men” into a very young character with a lot put on her shoulders. She’s just quite a bit more harsh than previous Mormonts have reacted to other Starks, so it’s out of place and odd, and at odds with whatever on the show “the North remembers” right about now. 

Now for the love of the old gods and the new, can someone explain how I can discuss these matters with people who have great replies to me or questions without me reblogging or adding edits nonstop? I figured out tagging people, but I’d like to be able to discuss back and forth with people here with their views being shared back and forth with mine instead of  just writing what feels like a position paper on the topics! Too many with interesting things to discuss where I can’t seen to hit “reply to”. 

Daisuga (omegaverse/smut)

Warning: omegaverse, unbeta’d, male omegas have breasts when pregnant, a short smut at the end, OOC, and -wait for it-mpreg(I wrote MPREG, I CANT BELIEVE IT). Also this is suga-centric. But that’s not a bad thing. Almost everyone is an omega or an alpha, which is very predictable.

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Fixer-Upper

Clotpolesonly - A bit of a throwback fic! I tried to put in stuff you mentioned enjoying, so fingers crossed it hits the spot :)

by @troubleiwant 

Explicit - no warnings

Post-S2 divergence with no Alpha Pack and nobody dead, just rebuilding the Hale House and with a little bit of pining and maybe some kissing! Also, minor Lydia/Stiles and Erica/Stiles friendships


Stiles scrubs a hand through his spiky-short hair. It needs a trim, but fuck it. Summer means he doesn’t have to worry about shit like that. He’s beyond glad to be done with the year, not least because he was getting sick of the wary looks cast his way on account of the damage Gerard’s beating had left on his face. The split lip is long healed by now, but the bruise across his cheekbone is still a tender reminder, reflected in the bathroom mirror and in the gentle tone his dad takes with him at breakfast.

It’s not so bad, though, Stiles thinks sternly at himself. So he got knocked around, so Boyd and Erica were tortured, so Jackson almost died. Nobody’s actually got killed, except for Matt, who deserved it, and…. and what is his life that that’s supposed to be a reassurance? No, Stiles corrects himself. Things are not great in ye olde Beacon HIlls. Not great at all. They’re supposed to be enjoying a carefree break like the kids they are, but instead there’s so much bad blood lingering around town that you could drown in it.

Even Scott, usually so optimistic about everything, has been knocked down a few pegs what with the breakup with Allison in the wake of her realizing how shitty her hunter family really was. He’s taking singledom a little better than Stiles though he might, honestly, but that means he’s alternating between calm assurance that he and Allison will get back together in the end, and weirdly obsessive focus on a tattoo he wants. Stiles is glad he has goals besides winning her back, but he isn’t at all excited about the specifics. Needles, man. Ugh. He’s not sure what kind of emotional pain a dude needs to be in to think that’s a good idea.

The Hale pack seems equally adrift after the events of the school year. Derek isn’t talking to Scott, on account of the whole “using you as a key element of a plan that I kind of forgot to tell you existed whoops” and new beta Jackson would try the patience of a saint, which Derek certainly is not. On top of that, Erica is handling the trauma of her kidnapping the same way she’d dealt with her frustrations about being bullied when she was first turned - with sex.

She’s flirty with Stiles, who does his best to ignore it, and with Isaac, who doesn’t quite understand that it’s only teasing. Apparently she even kissed Derek at training one day, according Boyd. Fuck if that isn’t a surreal (and, okay, kind of hot) thought. Wost, she keeps hitting on Jackson just to rile Lydia, who takes it just about as well as you’d expect. Isaac, hung up on Erica and already feeling pushed aside with Jackson’s entrance into the pack, takes it worse than that.

Add in all the normal hormonal disagreements between a bunch of teenagers trying to live together in an old abandoned house, and the Hale pack is basically a powderkeg.

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Jason Todd: Only One

AN: There’s not really a plot, just some cute times ahead - oh and injury but aside from that, it’s cute. I swear.

Imagine being the only person Jason values enough to go to Bruce for help when you truly need it.

Warnings: Swearing, Injury

>>>>——————–>

It would have been and understatement to say everyone in the Manor was shocked when Jason called Bruce asking for his help. This is Red Hood, he doesn’t ask Batman for help - ever - so what made this so important?
Apparently Alfred and Bruce figured it out rather quickly but Tim and Damian were left dumbfounded and decided to pursue the butler for answers.

“What does Jason want Pennyworth?” Damian began, Tim standing beside him once they’d cornered Alfred - who didn’t seem at all surprised by their behaviour.
“Master Jason requires Bruce’s assistance in the Batcave.” Alfred calmly responded, continuing to dust the furniture.
“Why now? Is there something we should know about? Is Jason in trouble? Does he want to -” Tim began his full on interrogation much to Damian’s disapproval.
“Drake! Would you control your need to be the worlds greatest detective just this once?!” Damian reminded Tim in his harsh tone, along with a glare.
“I do not know the exact reason for Master Jason’s call, however I suspect it must be serious. There is only one person he would be willing to request assistance from Bruce for.” Alfred kindly elaborated, though the boys had no idea who he was talking about based on the confused expressions they gave each other.

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ABC’s of Nyongtory: T is for...

Fandom: BIGBANG/ Nyongtory x Reader (Poly!Triad)

Synopsis: Trouble and Toys

Warnings: Smut, in the second half only. Very, very NSFW and 18+. As usual, it is separated with a line of asterisks. So if you don’t want to read (or shouldn’t be reading) the explicit content, please stop at that line. Note: There is also a SFW picture of the toy in question.

Author’s Note: Beware, this is a loooonnnnggg one. :) Just under 7,500 words, to be exact. Hopefully that makes up a little for the delay.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. This story contains fictional representations of real people. None of the events are true. This is from an American standpoint, so some of the situations may not happen the same way they might in Korea. I make no money from the writing of this fictional work.

Masterlist


Trouble

Jiyong’s phone went off just as the three of you were settled in the back of the car. He thought for sure he had silenced it, but apparently he had been too distracted by the prospect of what would happen once you all arrived home that he’d forgotten. He groaned and pulled his hand from Seungri’s grasp to reach for his phone as the text notification rang again. He glanced down quickly and felt his stomach sink.

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anonymous asked:

Hey! Your writing is brilliant and your portrayal of Severus is spot on! Writing such a complex character mustn't be easy, so congrats! I was wondering if you could write Severus struggling to confess his feelings for his SO (it can be Hermione, if it's easier for you to write the scene with her). Let's face it, he would be so freaking nervous and cute while trying not to make a stuttering fool of himself! I just want to read a oneshot about that :-) PLEASE and TY

Severus forced himself to look into the mirror and attempted to smile at himself.

“Ugh,” he muttered, a scowl creasing his forehead several times over. “That’ll never do. I look like a creep.”

He did not say like a fool, but then again, self-evident things did not need to be said aloud.

For as long as he could remember, Severus had gone through extreme lengths to retain his dignity and gain the respect of others, but it seemed that Fate had other ideas.  There was, however, only one thing that he hated more than being seen as foolish or disrespected.

“No. I refuse to be a coward,” he said to his reflection. “Today I shall tell her.”

Hermione Granger had been scarred and traumatized at least as much as the rest of them, but she endured.  Flourished, even. But tragedy had its way of striking.  She’d been set to marry the youngest Weasley boy when he’d died heroically protecting a school bus full of muggle children from a rogue Death Eater’s explosive curse magic.  Not two days after the funeral she’d just thrown herself even more tirelessly into her work, writing papers on Transfiguration on the side and publishing them, much to the delight of the Transfiguration community, which hadn’t seen this much activity since the 1800’s. As Minerva had grown older and more comfortable in her Headmistress duties, she’d been thankful to give Hermione as much extra work as her heart desired.  She’d been promoted from Transfiguration professor to Head of Gryffindor and Deputy Headmistress in slightly under a decade.

Tonight would be her thirtieth birthday, and Severus knew that his luck would only hold out for so long before someone finally came along and snapped her amazing arse up and rode off into the sunset with her or whatever horrible cliched metaphor his brain had decided to trot out to the forefront of his imagination each day.

He hadn’t meant to fall for the brazen Deputy Headmistress, but then again, he hadn’t expected to survive, much less return to Hogwarts.  Minerva still ruled the roost as Headmaster, but as soon as she’d found out about his postwar dire straits, she refused to leave him alone until he’d returned.  He wasn’t exactly a professor any longer- a former Advanced Potions student from Hufflepuff, Vivianne Tempson was an exceptional Potions Mistress, but she was also gifted in the art of teaching.  It was an art, Severus supposed, one that he’d never had much talent for.  

Had he not been forced to stick around due to finances and the fact that even with his name cleared, he was still largely despised by the Wizarding World at large, Severus might have moved into a new line of work. But in his mind, that ship had largely sailed.  He’d lived most of his life within the stone walls of Hogwarts castle, and he felt vulnerable anywhere else.

“Pathetic,” he’d mutter to himself on particularly despondent nights.  His dungeon quarters were just as he’d left them, as no one had wanted to live there if they didn’t absolutely have to. They made a perfect place for skulking, which was one of his favorite activities when he had nothing else to do.

After Madam Pomfrey had retired in the south of France, Severus had become, for all intents and purposes, the new Mediwizard.  The truth was, he actually had seventh year prospective medi-magic students run the infirmary as part of a prerequisite for studying at St. Mungos, and he only ever really consulted in on dire cases, which were few.  Instead, he mostly spent his time in his lab brewing various potions and experimenting on more potent blends. This was just fine with him. He didn’t have to subject himself to the inanity of whining students, and the students did not have to be subjected to his abrasive personality.  He filled in for the odd class here and there- Severus knew pretty much all of the classes by heart and could substitute on a moment’s notice, though the students often dreaded these days for the same reason that Severus did. He also no longer worked as Head of Slytherin House. That honor went to Draco Malfoy, who’d become the Flying professor after Madam Hooch had retired the previous spring.

Oddly enough, it hadn’t bothered him much to find the halls of Hogwarts filled with professors who’d been his own students. After all, Minerva had been his professor for seven years before she’d become his colleague. It’d taken slightly more than a year before Severus had felt comfortable enough to have a less-than-professional conversation with her, but from there, a close friendship had blossomed.  They’d raged at each other about Albus and his quirky behaviors. They’d spent time developing inside jokes that could instantly be understood by a knowing nod and the quirk of an eyebrow.  But Minerva had always been more like an older sister or a cool motherly sort of figure, not a romantic prospect.

Once again, Severus felt the sour twist of shame in his belly.  He felt like some sort of cradle-robbing pervert despite the fact that he’d never so much as laid a finger on Hermione in an untoward manner.  Of course, he’d helped administer the salve treatment to help Hermione transform back to a fully human body in her second year after her disastrous PolyJuice accident, but none of that had been remotely sexual, and Madam Pomfrey had been attending in any case.  The whole time she’d been in school, he’d had the same irrational protective-yet-irritated frame of mind when it came to anything involving her. She’d stood out in her intelligence and drive to learn more, but that had been completely academic.

Now, though…

Severus thought back to the Thursday evenings in the professor’s lounge where they’d go on for hours and debate back and forth on current events, or new potions versus old standards…anything and everything, really.  It had started a few years earlier and become something that Severus looked forward far too much for his own good.

Not that he’d allow himself to admit that to anyone.

On top of that, she’d invited him to help her with a new brewing project she’d been working on to reduce the symptoms of those affected by lycanthropy throughout the month. As someone who’d brewed Wolfsbane perfectly for years and had a personal potions lab set up in the dungeons, which was connected to his quarters through a hidden passageway, Severus had been all too happy to offer her the space.  At first, they’d worked at separate sides, but she’d come up with reasons to disturb him, to brush against him…to…Severus shook his head.  No. It was all in his head…but then again…what if it wasn’t?

It was Saturday morning. She would probably be in the lab already, as he’d given her the password to the armor that guarded the door to his lab.  Rather than go around, Severus decided to take the secret passageway from his quarters, if only to get a bit more time to himself to decide on whether he was going to put everything on the line just to confess his ridiculous, traitorous feelings.

Severus was an expert at suppressing his feelings, but this was different.  It was impossible for him to deny how she made him feel.  His heart ached when she said his name.  No amount of occlumency could keep his shields up when she looked up at him with her amber eyes and smiled in that confident way that made her eyes crinkle a bit at the corners.

Oh, how he craved that smile.

Severus came through the swinging bookcase, his head still filled with anxiety, and nearly barreled full-tilt into Hermione, who was in the process of putting on a thick pair of rubber gloves.

Severus let out a yelp just as Hermione turned and squeaked in surprise, her leg caught on the edge of the bookcase.  Unconsciously, he reached out and grabbed her as she began to fall and pulled her close against his chest. For a long moment, they both stayed like that- Severus with his arms grasping her tightly and Hermione with her head folded against his chest, her heartbeat slowly going back to normal.

“Severus, I didn’t see you there!” Hermione said, finally, her voice a bit muffled.

Severus immediately released her and took a step back, his face growing hot with mortification. “I…it was…I was late…and…I apologize for manhandling you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hermione replied with a smile and a shrug. “At least I wasn’t handling anything caustic when you came through.  Where, exactly does that passageway lead?”

“My…er…quarters,” Severus admitted.

“That’s rather convenient,” Hermione said, nodding sagely, “I bet you can come and check on long-standing brews with ease.”

“Yes, that was the intended…er…rationale,” Severus replied, relief washing over him.

“Hey, maybe you could invite me back for a cuppa while I’m waiting for my Lupislazurary to steep,” Hermione said with a smirk. “I mean, you have to admit that the chairs here are murder to sit in.”

“I’d like that.” Severus blurted the words out before he could properly think of whether it would be the smartest thing to say.

“Oh?”  Hermione seemed surprised.

Severus inwardly cringed. Of course she wouldn’t be so impolite as to actually invite herself to his quarters, but he’d taken the words at face value, largely because it would make this whole maneuver so much easier if he could actually figure out if she felt the same way about him.

“You’re welcome to come anytime. In my quarters.” Severus winced. God, he was cocking it all up. “I mean, I’d love to have you-have…tea with you…”

Hermione’s eyes widened and something like recognition filled her expression.

Severus felt his own eyes mirroring hers. “What I mean is…I…”

He was stuttering as she pulled the single rubber glove off of one of her hands with a loud snapping sound reached up to cup his face under the right side of his jaw.  

Merlin, her hand is so soft and warm.  Despite his anxiety, Severus closed his eyes, leaning into her touch.

Ah,” Hermione’s voice was soft, but there was so much wonder in that soft breath of a word, that Severus could feel his pulse begin to race.

Ah, indeed,” Severus replied, his voice catching slightly as he opened his eyes again and looked at her with a mixture of sadness and longing.

Oh, Severus, why didn’t you say something earlier?” Hermione said, her voice slightly husky.

“I…am not good with words,” Severus replied numbly, feeling almost as though the words were being said from outside of himself.

Are we really speaking about the same thing?

“I thought…Minerva said…she said you’d never…”

“Never what?” Severus could feel his voice go gravelly as he struggled to swallow the lump that had mysteriously appeared in his throat.

“That no one could compare to the one you lost, so it was a fool’s errand to try,” Hermione said, taking her hand back and looking away from him.

Severus stared at her for a long moment.  And then, a tiny giggle escaped his lips, growing until he was practically roaring with a hysterical, uncontrollable sort of laughter.

“She said that I….Merlin’s pants, that’s…that’s…the most…ludicrous…” he gasped and suddenly he could feel all of the doubt and the anxiety drain from his body as though it had seeped from the soles of his dragonhide boots. It was time. He would tell her. “Hermione…this is how I feel about you.”

Threading his fingers through her wild, curly hair, he leaned down and kissed her.