Scared of loosing you//Shawn Mendes
A/N: YikeS this is shitty, this isn’t edited whoops
Prompt: “Whatever happens next, I want to make sure that you know that I loved you.“
You knew when you got the call what it was about, you fucking told him and he didn’t listen, now look where he’s ended up. Shawn had a habit of Snap-chatting while he was driving, no matter how many times you told him to stop he never did, now look what happened.
You weren’t angry at Shawn, quite the opposite actually, but you were anxious and scared- you needed to blame someone, And Shawn seemed like an easy target, yeah it was partially his fault but he didn’t do it on purpose. it was a mistake, that could cost you your boyfriend.
You wanted to hate him right now but you couldn’t, no matter how much you wanted to be mad at Shawn right now you couldn’t allow yourself to be, he looked so broken, lying there in that hospital bed, barely living.
It tore your heart to pieces seeing him like this, in so much pain, but it hurt you more knowing there was absolutely nothing you could do to help him, all you could do was watch as Shawn slowly lost his grip on this world- on you.
“We’ll leave you alone with him, then we have to do some tests.” The doctor gave you a sympathetic smile and a small pat on the back and went on his way, the small nurse that had been tending to Shawn followed after him, when they closed the door you broke down, leaning against the armchair for balance, you couldn’t even look at Shawn, it stung too much.
You gently ran your hand down his cheeks, careful not to press down on his bruises, it killed you to see him like this, so helpless. The beeping of the heart monitor was driving you crazy, just knowing that at any second it could go completely silent terrified you.
You hadn’t had much experience with grief, you’d never lost a lot of people that you loved, your grandmother died when you were younger but you don’t remember her, you wouldn’t know what to do or how to act if Shawn didn’t wake up, there was always a risk that he wouldn’t, and if he did who knows if he’d even remember you.
You needed more time, to tell Shawn how much he meant to you, and how much you needed him. The ache in your heart grew bigger and bigger every second you had to spend without him, this was your own personal hell, cooped up in a small cramped hospital room, The love of your life slowly dying beside you. The clock that hung on the wall haunted you, every moment that went by felt like a hundred years, you needed time, but it was your enemy, you didn’t have any left.
You glanced at Shawn’s face, he looked somewhat peaceful, like nothing in the world could hurt him anymore. You wanted to hold onto the hope that he would wake up, but it had been days and there was no sign of improvement. At this stage the only thing keeping Shawn Alive was the life support machine.
What where you supposed to do? You couldn’t abandon Shawn- no never. That wasn’t an option, you knew that if it were the other way around Shawn would be there for you a hundred percent. You weren’t going to let him down, not now, not ever
“Shawn baby, I know you can hear me, I know it hurts to move and to breathe, and to live.” You thought carefully about your next words, if Shawn could hear you what would be going through his mind? Would he think you’ve given up on him?
“I don’t know what’s going to happen and I’m scared Shawn, I’m scared of loosing you and of being alone, you were the only person who ever made me feel like I was worth something. Please try to fight, do it for me Shawn, do it for us, try your hardest to stay. But if you can’t fight that’s okay, if you want to leave I’ll support you. Whatever happens next, I want to make sure that you know that I loved you.”
That’s all it took for you to break down, you never thought you’d have to say goodbye to Shawn so soon, there was still so much left to say, to do, but there was no time left, it wasn’t supposed to end like this, Shawn was at the peak of his career, he had so many people to look out for, they depended on him for their happiness. And now he’s gone. A memory more distant every day, until one day he’s forgotten, all the happy memories, laughs and jokes, gone. As if they never existed to begin with.
The heart monitor beeped one more time, then never again.