like grace has a long way to go

The Intriguing Originality

Summary: After moving to the Southside, where she does not fit in at all, Betty Cooper has an unlikely saving grace named Jughead Jones, who just happened to be a vital member of the Southside Serpents.

Word Count: 8265

Notes: I was going to make this multiple chapters because of how long it is, but changed my mind like half way through. Saw this prompt and immediately thought of something, taking a bit of my own spin on it. Hope you like it :) Also, meant to post this earlier, but my tumblr was being weird. 

Betty Cooper and her mother were officially residents of the Southside. After the divorce of Alice and Hal, the Cooper mother was going from job to job, trying to keep money on the table and still writing for a good team. None of her short jobs worked out though. She went through nearly everything and the next best thing was on the opposite side of town. After thinking about it, due to how tight they were on money, Alice thought moving back to the Southside would be a great idea… she was a Southside native, which most never knew.

To Betty’s eyes, everything was different in the Southside, and she was not prepared to adjust. Her friends back ‘home’ weren’t here with her either, making it even harder for her. Though she wasn’t fond of the idea of her having to move, she knew that once Monday would come around and she’d go into her new high school for the first time, she’d put on her brace face and get through it.

In a calmer fashion, Betty shook all of those thoughts out of her head and helped her mother organize their new apartment. Betty knew she had to be mature about this, so she was going to be.

* * *

The first day of going to a new school came around in a flash. Since it was her first day, Betty thought she should present herself in a fashionable and pretty manner. She wore a nice, light jean skirt with a beautiful pastel pink, collared jumper as a top and a pair of matching pink booties as shoes. She wore her hair in the infamous Betty Cooper ponytail. As a way to add a little spice to herself, she put on some mascara and a pretty pink lip gloss. For her sense of style, she looked ready to go.

On her walk there, she felt a bit uncomfortable and out of place. There were children smoking cigarette and marijuana simply walking on the side of the road, and that is something her mother had cursed about back on the Northside. Everyone was giving her sideways glances as well, but she figured it was because they never saw her before. She kept her head high as she walked, knowing she’d soon be familiar with this all.

Keep reading


I’m exaggerating but yeah > D >

(taking a break from Inktober. so much black and white XD)

/still disappointed but I count the blessings ATLUS has graced us with such as the dilf gun dealer lol. Didn’t think much of him until I heard his voice like ‘oh shit…. ;;’

Thanks to @kelaruj for translating Iwai’s (The Hanged Man) Co-Op. It’s enough fodder to keep us fed until February (man… such a long way to go @_@;;)

drabble #6 - 19 + Taehyung

19 - “Are you jealous?”

“And when I told him that we were hanging out he started begging to come.” Jimin said, a laugh letting loose from his lips. You couldn’t help the smile that graced your face the moment you heard Jimin’s laugh, thinking about how Taehyung may have been acting when you weren’t around.

“I bet he’s just a little lonely, considering you’ve been hanging out with me so much lately.” You supplied, trying to find a way to explain the behaviour from the man.

“Or maybe it’s because he likes you.” Jimin stated, the smirk on his face causing you to roll your eyes. Jimin has been going on and on about how Taehyung had had a crush on you for however long now, and whenever you were in the same room with him you always found Jimin giving you looks.

You didn’t want to believe what Jimin was saying, knowing that Taehyung would have never liked you that way, no matter how much you wanted him too. Taehyung has been the only man on your mind for the last few months and you couldn’t stop it. Whenever you were around him you found yourself blushing and getting nervous, and hearing Jimin joking about Taehyung liking you hurt.

“I’m not lying Y/N.” Jimin said. You ignored him once again as you headed up to the dorm. You had planned to spend the rest of the day with Jimin after he had picked you up from work and now you weren’t so sure about it.

The door opened easily and you walked inside, Jimin following behind you. The first thing you noticed when entering the dorm was the appearance of the man you had just been discussing with your best friend. Taehyung day on the couch in front of you and his eyes instantly traveled over once he heard the door open, locking with yours in just a few seconds.

You felt a blush coming over your cheeks and you instantly ducked down, trying your hardest to hide the embarrassment from Taehyung. It was silent for a few minutes before Jimin made a slight cough, attracting your attention.

“I’m just gonna, leave you two.” Jimin said, pushing past you and walking out of the room. You weren’t what had caused him to leave so abruptly but the confusion was clear on your face.

“Oh sorry, did I interrupt your precious time with Jimin?” Taehyung asked, the words coming out harshly. You looked over in shock as the words hit your ears and you gave Taehyung a questioning look, earning an eye roll in reply. You were taken aback by the reaction, not having expected it from him.

“What are you talking about?” You asked.

“I’m talking about the fact that all you seem to do is spend all of your time with Jimin these days.” He replied immediately. You thought back to what Jimin had said earlier on your way up to the dorm and the question lingered in the back of your head, playing on repeat as you stood in front of Taehyung.

Are you jealous?” You asked, the question rolling off your tongue easily. You watched as Taehyung stuttered for a minute and you couldn’t help it as a small smile made it’s way across your face at his reaction. It was obvious how Taehyung felt, and you wondered how Jimin had noticed it before you had.

“No, not at all.” He muttered, trying to hide the blush coming across his cheeks. You let out a small laugh before taking a few steps closer to Taehyung.

“Don’t worry Tae, you’re the only one who has my heart.” Taehyung stared at you with wide eyes for a minute before a smile finally made its way across his face and radiated brightly. It was amazing to you what you had managed to miss when you weren’t paying close attention, but you were glad you realized this.

Bad Girl Ch 18: Home

Kris’s POV

My hands are shaking, I don’t know why, I’ve done this before. But  at the same I know this isn’t just my baby clicking her heels down the hall, it is Kim Jooyoung, a full grown woman. I’ve handled full grown woman, but never any that I’ve cared about. I have never been shaking with so much fear that I could say the wrong thing and drive her away. What if she hates me? My heart drops, I can’t handle that.

“Daddy?” Her sweet voice pulls me out of the black hole of fear I found myself in.

I snap out of my daze and stare at her with wide eyes. My sweet baby only reaches my chest even in her heels, her small frame looks amazing in a dark red two piece outfit. The skirt is flowing back as she continues her way toward me, the high slit giving me peeks at her slim legs. A gold body chain is peek out of the bottom of her high collared crop top that ends an inch or two above the skirt. My eyes continue their way up, noticing the large golden earrings hanging on either side of her beautiful face. Full lips that match the same color as the dress form a small pout when I don’t respond. Those forest green eyes are accented in gold eye shadow and black eyeliner that look like Baek’s doing, are staring at me with concern.

“Daddy?” She grips my hand and squeezes it tight.

“Sorry!” I quickly apologize, “You are just so beautiful.”

She flushes, “Daddy, stop.”

“Are you ready to go? Do you want to drive again?”

She shakes her head, “I can just type the address into your GPS.” I watch mindlessly as she takes my hand and leads me out to where my car is parked in front of the house. I open her door for her before climbing in the drivers side. She is already typing the location in, humming some song to herself. It’s a strangely familiar song, not one that I can place but puts me on edge.

“What song is that?” I wonder, pulling out of the driveway and following the directions given.

“Jiho hums it for me all the time, he told me he doesn’t know.”

I nod, “I feel like I know if from somewhere.”

“I do too but can never place it.”

“So where are we headed on this adventure? Another hot spring?”

“Nope, we are going to dinner, like you always wanted.”

“Please don’t tell me we are going to one of Jiyong’s places,” I groan.

She chuckles and once again shakes her head, “Nope, mine.”

I raise my brows at that, “Yours’?”

“You don’t honestly think I just live off Jiyong’s income do you? I’m a big girl, I make my own money, have my own businesses.”

I whistle, “Look at you, such a big girl.”

We make small talk for awhile until we arrive at her restaurant. It’s a small place on the beach with lanterns outside that lead the way up the double door way. A man is there holding the door open, he bows a full 90 degrees before greeting us, “Welcome Madame Jooyoung and her guest.” I scan the man, he isn’t much shorter than me with circular sunglasses and an emotionless face.

“Good evening Zion, how are you tonight?” Jooyoung muses with a smile.

“I am happy I can be of service to you tonight. It has been too long since you’ve come to visit.”

“I know I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy lately.”

“You are here now, that is all that matters,” A genuine smile graces his face, though it is small. “Your table is set up on the back porch, would you like me to escort you there?”

She shakes her head, “I can lead the way, thank you though. You can go back to the kitchen.” He nods before turning and returning to wherever he came from.

“Who is that? The host?”

“He’s the chef.”

“No offence Baby but your place is pretty empty at the moment.”

She chuckles, “You guys aren’t the only ones who can close things down for a night. I sent everyone home except for him so we could be alone.”

I gulp. This is all I’ve ever wanted. Just single night alone, completely alone where my brothers weren’t sneaking around trying to steal her attention. But yet again I find my hands trembling. She leads me through the beautiful yet simple restaurant and out on to the patio where we see the sun almost completely setting. Heating lamps are set up around one table that is set just for us. I pullout her chair for her before taking my seat across from her.

“Are you okay Daddy?” She asks in a sweet voice. “You aren’t talking much. Did you not want to go out?”

“I did! I’m sorry, I’m just… nervous,” I admit looking down at my hands.

“Nervous?” She echoes, “You’re nervous? Why? I’ve been shaking in my booties this whole time thinking you hate me and this whole idea.” She lets out a sigh of relief.

“I could never hate you,” I remind her. There is no way I could ever feel anything but love for the pretty little princess in front of me, how could she ever think different.

“You might not hate me but I know me being big isn’t your favorite thing.”

My heart breaks, my hand reaches out for her small one and holds, it tight, “I’m sorry for ever making you feel like I don’t love all of you.”

“If it makes you feel any better it isn’t just you, I saw it in Xiumin’s eyes too, and Luhan, and Suho. It’s you older folk you seem to have an issue,” She chuckles and smiles but I can see the heart break in it.

I open my mouth to explain but nothing comes out. Guilt is settled deep in my chest leaving no room for the words I need. I’m the person who made her look so sad, who made it a little harder for her to smile, how the hell could I do this to her?

When I don’t respond she looks away as if she is ashamed, “I’m sorry, lets not talk about that.” She chuckles awkwardly.

“No! Lets talk about it! I’m… I’m sorry!” That seems to be all I can get out, “I’m so sorry!”

To make this situation worse the man from before appears with to heavy looking plates in his hands. He freezes a few feet from the table and looks to Jooyoung on what he should do. She just gestures for him to continue with a fake smile plastered on her face. After doing so he leans closer to her and whispers in her ear, giving me quick side glances.

“Thank you Zion but it’s okay, you can go now, I appreciate you staying late. Have a good night.”

He looks hesitant to go but when she shoos him away gently he finally obeys. When he is out of sight I can’t help but ask, “What did he whisper to you?”

“He wanted to know if it was safe for him to leave me here with you alone.”

I grimace, “Who the hell does he think he is?”

She chuckles, “He is just worried, it’s not often I go out by myself like this.”

“You are with me,” I mumble holding her small hand.

“But he doesn’t know you, he honestly doesn’t even trust Jiyong that much. The few times I’ve come here with Jiyong those two have bumped chests.”

“So who does he trust?”

“Jiho and my other dongseangs, people under me like him.”

“Jiyong’s little thugs?”

She smiles, “They are my little thugs now.”

Mentioning foot soldiers brings something to mind, “Have you had a run in with our dongseangs?”

She seems completely thrown off by the question, “What?”

“Jin and his boys? You were close before and I’m guessing they heard the same story as us so did you have any kind of run ins with them?”

“Once,” She admits. “It was my first night out after the whole thing and Jiyong took me to a party where I saw Namjoon from across the room. We locked eyes and I smiled, I wasn’t sure if my bridges were burned with them too but after he gave a dirty look I went with yes. After that they stopped coming to parties, I had people keeping tabs on them so I know what they are up to.”

“When are you going to tell them you are alive? What about Jihyo?”

She sighs, “I want to wait a little while. I have so much going on with you guys and work that I don’t think I can add them into the mix right now. But once we get everything figured out I plan on letting them all know.”

“And your family? They had a funeral and everything.”

For that she just shrugs, “Why ruin their now peaceful lives with my craziness? It’s not like the miss me much anyway.”

The conversation seems to end there. She tells me to try the food but I’m too focused on her, I can’t even think about anything else. I feel like I’m killing th mood with all these questions, this isn’t what I should be doing with my small amount of time with her. Who knows when I could get this again, I can’t waste it on other people.

“When I was younger I used to think that if you opened the oven before the timer went off it would explode.”

She stops moving her fork around and looks up at me with a small smile.

“Like I was honestly horrified when our nanny would try and peek to see if the food was done. One time I actually through myself in front of the over door so she couldn’t open.”

Now she’s laughing, that beautiful smile returns lifting the weight off my heart a bit, “I thought for the longest time that I was adopted from a fictional alien character because of how different I was from my family. I remember screaming at my mom that I she wasn’t my mom and that my real family will come back for me by the time I’m eighteen. Fate threw that back at me, you guys found me just in time.”

“I’m sorry we aren’t aliens.”

“Yea, I expected more, but I guess this is going to have to do.”

We laugh. We talk more about our childhoods, silly stories about one another and my brothers, I didn’t want to talk about them but she asked and who am I to deny her. Time flies by as we talk and sometimes just listen to the waves crash up on the shore. By ten we are sitting side by side near the edge of the patio with the heating lamps hanging over us and my jacket around her. She is giggling about some stupid joke Baekhyun had told us at home that has me rolling my eyes. Her love for that stupid boy is beyond me.

Out of the corner of my eye I see someone down on the beach near the restaurant’s steps that lead down there. I glare down at the figure as I try to figure out who it is, is it the man from before, Zion? No he was thin, this man looks more built and more familiar. Joo notices me staring a follows my gaze.

“So he did follow us.”


Jooyoung’s POV

“Who the hell is it?” Kris snaps.

“Jiho, I told you I don’t go out by myself.” I muse.

“How did he find us? How long do you think he’s been here?”

“I’m guessing Zion called him right when we showed up, and probably a good amount of the time. He has probably been hiding on the little gazebo down there.”

He pouts, “Get rid of him.”

I chuckle but stand up to do so, “I’ll tell him we are okay.”

“Can’t you just give him the finger to fuck off?”

“I’ll be right back, don’t worry,” I squeeze our inter locked hands before letting go and wandering in the direction of the stairs that lead down to the beach. The  three flights of stairs lead me to where I saw him standing a moment before but now he is gone.

“Pretty bird,” He whistles from the bench swing in the gazebo, exactly where I expected him to be. I wrap Kris’s jacket tighter around me before join him on the swing. “Hello Pretty bird.”

“Hello my guard dog,” I muse, “what in the world are you doing here? This is your weekend off.”

“There is no such thing as a day off when you aren’t at home.”

“I’m safe here with Kris, you can go home.”

“I don’t trust those boys. Plus I don’t want to go home. I’ve been stuck in there for just a day and I’m going out of my mind with boredom. You need to come home. We will see each other tomorrow morning as I remember for work.”

He doesn’t respond, we just continue to swing.

I chuckle, “Some one misses me.”

He glares at me, “Of course I miss you. The only other person I can talk to in the building is Jiyong and that is just depressing. Cause all we want to talk about is you and he just gets sad.”

“I feel bad.”

“Don’t, just come home.”

anonymous asked:

This week's big debate seems to be about Cas and humanity. I've read posts that are both excited and upset about how it seems like Cas is eventually going to choose to become human. I was wondering if you had any insight into whether that's a good thing or a bad thing for him, or if he should choose to stay an angel.

Heya! :) I am going to answer this to the best of my ability which is a liiittle bit loopy and over-tired today :P 

But yeah I have been scrolling my dash and I am not dead yet so I have seen this discussion going on :D I sort of feel like I haven’t got much to say about it in a way that I haven’t said/agreed with before (so it’s been redundant to weigh in), but like… riiiight back when I was a Fandom Newbie and getting to know the lay of the land and I just got absorbed right into the general fandom consensus at that time among the groups of meta writers I glommed onto… 

I mean, because I showed up after 9x18, and then though of course I was around for the following episodes I really started the whole circus of new episode reactions along with everyone, with season 10… between tearing apart the Cas stuff in 9x18 and then the Cas and Hannah stuff in 10x01-3 it just seemed really really obvious where Carver was going with it, and what it meant to Cas? And I mean okay this was 3 (4?) years ago but I also feel like with Cas’s development getting stalled over and over and over except in tangential ways, this was all put on ice like 3 times over before he even got possessed by Lucifer, so the MAJOR work on this was between the last minutes of 8x23 and 10x18 and even then that’s the STORYTELLING of it, and of course Cas himself puts the whole thing on ice as something he has the luxury to think about in 9x09. (Except for the one peanut butter and jelly conversation.)

So in 9x18 the MAJOR thing is that the lyrics “loneliness is a coat you wear” are laid over Cas taking off the coat to mend it (although that’s left out so it’s more like… he takes it off to gather his thoughts on what he’s going to do next, which is even more symbolic and useless in a practical way of why he does it). He then puts the coat back on to greet his army… And in a few episodes Metatron does the “draped yourself in the flag of Heaven” thing, which when 9x18 is all about the subtext and telling us to pay attention, I find a very very straight line to what that meant about him doing similar to 12x19 - using Heaven but not wanting Heaven, and never mind his motivation with Dean (and that being what changes his mind and makes him play Metatron’s game), the way it portrays Heaven as an obligation and a duty to help, but with a loneliness that comes from wearing that coat. He’s walking out into a parking lot full of angels but the lyrics are screaming that he’s without love, and lonely, and the end of the season confirms these choices were the reason. 

And in season 10 it gets more personal, and we have Hannah as a counter example. With Daniel in 10x01 who wants to stay on earth and gets what that’s all about we see Cas empathising, but at the end of the episode he goes way deeper than that, talking about human things that upset and startle Hannah. She literally drapes the flag of Heaven over him in 10x02 and smooths it down and accidentally reveals that the plaid of Winchesters is underneath the collar all along, and Cas is sleeping and acting more and more human while sick. She wants to give him his grace back to stop this and he resists… Out of penance and lack of self-worth and knowing he did a heinous thing to steal grace in the first place (again, for Dean, not just to be an angel again but because he needed to survive to warn him about Ezekiel). But symbolically she is trying to make him take the grace and be an angel. Be a leader, the angel the others will rally behind and follow. She represents how all of Heaven feels about him (and 12x19 and 12x15 cover similar ground in what Kelvin says about Cas). 

But also in 10x07 it goes deeper with how she feels about humanity - that the human things are forbidden, that love and enjoying sensual pleasures like showers are just *wrong* for angels to experience. She rejects human things entirely as stuff that’s not for her, and nopes out hard. And she is symbolic of angels in general, of Heaven’s desires and feelings in general when she asks him to be a leader. 

This is the sort of pressure - innocent of malice but FULL of lack of understanding - that is at odds with what Cas FEELS which is full empathy to wanting to be on earth… an actual understanding and feeling for these human things. He’s in his own body without a shared vessel as 10x09 goes on to confirm, which means he has none of the conflict Hannah does there, and 10x09 paints quite a picture of Cas as wildly unlike all the angels in this way, because it confirms for once and for all he’s alone in there and the Jimmy issue is resolved. 

To quickly skip ahead on this side of things, 12x10 shows the same thing but dialled up to a zillion. Instead of Hannah standing in for a clueless family that doesn’t understand and can’t empathise with the different feelings and sense of belonging Cas has, but is still mostly harmless if accidentally intolerant and stifling with their expectations and demands, we have Ishim, who stands in for the worst sort of family experience with intolerance. He’s also in love with a human and that’s the metaphor for violent, self-loathing homophobia I guess, as he kills Lily’s daughter to emotionally sever himself from her, to no avail, and tries to kill Cas for having the same “weakness”. Lashing out with hatred because of the internalised feelings of crossing a taboo line that their society has turned into a harsh rule. Supposedly good reasons are offered with the nephilim thing, but obviously Cas and Dean aren’t gonna have a baby any time soon, so the metaphor unfolds itself as queer through and through once Ishim turns on Dean.

And to walk aaaall the way back DOWN canon, I’m stalled in my rewatch in 4x10 at Anna pacing around talking about how she did the worst thing imaginable and cut out her grace and fell. 4x10 is the first episode to actually explore the nature of angels and lays down some ground rules, like that sex and disobedience are forbidden. 

Orders are orders. I’m sure I have a death sentence on my head.


I disobeyed… which, for us, is about the worst thing you can do. I fell.


She fell to earth, became human.

(I have the transcript open and scrolled down to that part in a tab and have for months… CBA to go find her talking about sex later but I think we all know the stuff she says)

That “worst thing you can do” line feels to me like with retcons from 12x10, that the “sacred oath” may be any sort of angel to human dalliance or connection or desire to BE and to be FREE. The same thing Hannah nopes out of in 10x07 is what Anna had to tear out her grace to experience. Anna having to take her grace back to survive is tragic, especially as it puts her right in the vulnerable firing line of Naomi’s reprogramming. This metaphor is SO much worse with Anna than even Cas, as it’s so simple about her returning to her family as an angel again after making a break to be free and live as a human like she wants, then to be tortured back to the family line and pure obedience, to her eventual death as an unrecognisable killer, a la Cas in 8x17. But without the sympathetic inside view and long arc to explain it or the narrative having any interest in saving her >.> (Hi, I like Anna and am bitter about that whole thing 5eva :P) 

Cas in 9x09 also takes back a grace to survive (and this whole arc brings in the clear concept that has been on the backburner since Anna of grace and consciousness as 2 separate things, and grace to an angel being more of its power than its mind, though functionally they seem one and the same when nothing hinky is going on - something else important for human endgame as well as showing ways of removing grace without falling and turning into a human baby)… Again like Anna Cas has little choice when he takes the grace back. He was happy to die human until he learned Sam and Dean were in trouble, and made a horrific choice to help them by stealing grace. After that getting his real grace seemed like the only way to fix him dying of his actions, though he seemed happy to again, the story had other ideas :P (And Mittens wrote something on how Cas has “let himself die” in the way he didn’t in 10x18, where he has to pass through death for change and reaping the character benefits of transitions. (Flyingfish1′s heroine journey meta also comes to mind). Of course by not letting himself die, he’s trapped in the 10x18 > 12x19 holding pattern on his entire life and personal arcs except the ever-worsening depression and self-worth arcs that spring up in the meantime, and the belonging one.)

Anyway it’s all connected, these angels with their connections to humanity, either what they really really want and are denied by fate, or by fate end up experiencing, and really really don’t want. Or in Ishim’s case he really wanted and then because of being an example of a total tool representing institutional prejudices, decided murder was the best way out of his brush with feeling human things. And they all tell us things about Cas from different angles, with different angels (sorry. wordplay was right there.) The long and short of it is that Cas is supposed to be one of those marble statues with no doubts (in 4x10 - *buzzer noise* WRONG *points at 4x07 and “I have doubts”) or that human things are not for them (*points at Cas even bringing up the subject and confusing Hannah about why you’d want to learn them and horrified that Cas seemed to have picked up human cooties by admiring these qualities in the first place*) or indeed that angels in general are massively intolerant to humans and from start to finish it’s a death penalty offence to get tangled up with them or want to be/be one of them. (I know 12x10 is more applicable to the Destiel side of things but the general message about Heaven’s intolerance with “humanity” instead of queerness with all the other examples makes a lot of sense to me.)

Actually I’ve seen the argument a lot that this debate is metaphorical to the trans experience for Cas changing species, even more than the interspecies romance parallel to sexuality metaphors, and I think it is fairly simple to me that this is part of the general queer metaphor applied to Cas as something the angels are intolerant of. 12x10 threw in the Benjamin stuff too and made it a little angel gender studies thing (which Hannah also helped with in 10x17 by reprising her “totally in love with Cas” look in a male vessel and not giving a crap about the change). With Benjamin they said that the angel Cas was closest to there was the one who had a ….. friendship ….. with his vessel. So there’s a lot going on there between that and the “his vessel is a woman, benjamin is an angel” thing) :P 

I think, anyway, Anna wanting to be human and getting disowned on pain of death and having to become an angel again, and even then being hunted for daring to not be an angel once, is the closest parallel to what Cas faces. Especially for internalised ideas he had at the time and hadn’t got to unlearn until he was a human. 

And I think, additionally to that, he may not have even realised that being human even answered his feeling of not belonging or being different until AFTER it happened. Like, Metatron forced it on him too soon and then everything was non-stop awful and then suddenly he’s had to get grace again (and heading for that flag of heaven metaphor), and only then he gets to reflect on what it felt like, by way of being an angel again looking back on it. It was so brutal and short that he never got a chance to appreciate being human at the time in a way where it would explain to him what he lacks. 

By 10x18 he has the family dinner and he takes his coat off for it. Heaven has rejected him, he’s seemingly chosen the Winchesters again, and got his grace back, but he has to go back to the grind, and he doesn’t change his wardrobe, he keeps the coat which is basically performative angel-ness with Winchester plaid underneath. 

(Actually about the only time I can think of that angel-ness is used as the queer metaphor and not the other way around is in 9x06 when Cas is playing cis straight human to Nora and Dean shows up yelling about him being an angel at his workplace… I think that’s a very circumstantial metaphor which is more about delightfully queercoding the entire thing than a wider statement… After all, contained within a season where the main arc for Cas is leading a heaven army thing, and ending in “i just want to be an angel” in utter, tragic defeat on the emotional battlefield. Absolutely NOT a statement on what would make Cas feel HAPPY, just useful and numb, per 10x03 and what he says about human pain and how revealing those lines are side by side about what Cas is feeling and how angel is he REALLY, like, deep down in his too-big heart where it matters)

But yeah he just keeps on going after 10x18 and this all kinda drops away, so I think until season 12 basically nothing was really done to mess around with this concept again in a substantial, meaningful way aside from attack dog and similar arcs tangential to this and more about Cas’s state of mind in general (as the same conflict can be applied to Dean when human). It has become more about Cas belonging in the Winchesters as the main thing - 12x19 has Cas being way more upfront about using Kelvin to his face, that he’s only going along with it because his old connections to Heaven are useful, as well as shining a massive spotlight on Cas considering himself a guardian angel as a bad bad thing, which is actively damaging his beloved family relationships and especially upsetting Dean. He would rather protect them from afar, and I think long-term Cas ending up with the Winchesters but as an angel would always be somewhat prone to that sort of thought in an emergency that as a more powerful being he would have to protect them, and a sense of not belonging entirely as another species that can’t quiiite relate no matter how different he is and how much more kinship he feels with humanity even as an angel. I can’t see that as a happy ending, and since 12x19 it feels rather more like it would be not finishing a plotline that is not JUST about this relationship but using it to move the piece on the board about Cas’s human arc forward another step, as his endgame would be not just as human, but also with them, so tying the concepts together isn’t a bad idea, as long as it’s clear this is something in season 9 and 10 Cas came to as a desire without very much contact with them at all, and therefore very much for himself as an understanding of what he is and what he desires. 

And, again, I don’t think Cas has great resources for self-reflection on the subject - not just that Metatron had to turn him human briefly to even make him realise he could ever do it, but something like using the belonging with family arc to help speed it along gives him a clear reason and goal for why it works and would feel right for him and to give him the place to self-analyse with motivation. I really don’t like the idea of equating this entirely with Cas’s belonging with the Winchesters arc all on its own, though. It CAN’T just be about that he should be human to be with his human friends/family etc. But I do think that a lot of the work to explain why he identifies with humanity has ALREADY been done and is a solid, existing part of his character already. 

In a happy ending even if it all gets told tied up with the Winchesters, I would point to season 9 & 10 to argue that it was not JUST FOR them, but that they were the soft landing for him to make a decision. If he became human he wouldn’t be forcing himself to fit in with them, he would be doing it for himself. I mean, since season 4 he is equated with Anna, protesting loudly he’s nothing like her when even before we meet her he admits to one of the cardinal sins of doubt. He has ALWAYS had a slight leaning towards humanity and clearly described as UNANGELIC traits and feelings. So in this way he’s always FELT different and therefore as it gets expanded and expanded and ends up being a deeply complex metaphor and fascinating way to relate to Cas, it’s clear this is an inherent part of him from the start. The human feelings that Hannah violently nopes out of have been things Cas has tolerated, defined himself by, and felt all along. She’s used to show that Cas hasn’t ever been bothered in the same way, and just uses her leaving as an excuse to delve even deeper into human connections by worrying about Claire, and in the narrative, walking us right into proving he has his own body and no Jimmy, and another way Cas is both unique, and uniquely suited to a human endgame.

I think though that a lot of this is personal and subjective on the arguments going around, and I see this sooo deeply through the old meta I read back in season 9 & 10 which has shaped all my ongoing thoughts I do know I have developed probably my own biases on this. I think Cas would never be happy as an angel in a happy families endgame because the Guardian Angel Cas issue (which was his downfall in season 6, so not a new thing, just re-focused recently) would always play on his mind as it’s shown that he self-sabotages his relationships in order to protect them. I see it like season 4 Sam using his powers to exorcise because it’s an ethical way to get rid of demons quick in a fight without stabbing the innocent meatsuit. In season 5 even knowing aaall the trouble it caused him and that Ruby played off his desire to save people as a GOOD thing to do great evil, he was tempted by the demon blood and regrets/resents not being able to use powers to exorcise the kids. (Obviously before he learns they were all just human all along because that episode is so disturbing >.>)

Even if it went some pretty hinky places (as in the end of season 6 for Cas and the guardian angel mentality, with Crowley as his Ruby, as he uses “i still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian” as a justification) Sam’s motives were for good originally and he missed the idea of sacrificing his own morality to save people for an objective better good. Cas seeing his powers as making him more powerful, therefore more expendable, less included, and with a personal sense of duty to watch over and protect them, HAVING the powers would only ever be living in temptation to do a 12x19 again. Sam only recovers properly without the powers to tempt him and I feel he’s in a very different place as a person by now… Cas with a human endgame might not get room to grow out of it on screen but by his grace being removed (hopefully and tbh by necessity willingly), he’d have the potential and promise that he would be able to recover in the same way from this toxic mentality. And I consider 12x19 very much doing for Cas and the guardian angel thing what Carver era and 8x01 especially did for the codependency. Just put it all on the table and told us, this is hurting them more than it’s doing good in the world. Let’s look at how it hurts them and why. Let’s aim to fix it and let them move past it.

And even if Cas can start to recover from some broad strokes, like feeling more included, feeling like less of a tool/personal attack dog, he will only have a long term chance at happiness if the temptation is removed at the source, and he will need to UNDERSTAND that too and to vocalise some things about his reasons for watching over them like this LONG before he chooses humanity. And these are very much my personal subjective feelings on why it feels BAD to me that Cas would stay an angel, as it’s right off on another end of the spectrum of why people are arguing they feel bad if he would become human. To me the personal identity stuff right down to complex sexuality and gender metaphors are MAIN TEXT in Cas’s arc due to him being an inherently queer character. The “it feel bad” reaction to me right now is that I feel sad for Cas being an angel around the Winchesters forever because he will always be their guardian angel and that’s BAD for what he WANTS which is just to be a part of the family with no complicated strings attached like his obligation to protect them. So to me I see humanity as the obvious answer to that. But that’s a personal reading of what I hope would happen and why. So my explanation of what I see in the text is one thing and this part is another, if that makes sense?

… I hope any of this makes sense. I apologise for typing so long… I know I said I’ve said it all before but I mean I assume you’re not tag-diving on my blog if you’re just asking me and tbh I wouldn’t know what tag to dive either and they’re *my* tags so I’m not judging ;)

Real World Jobs: Allied Edition

Here is what we think! Let us know if you agree! Also feel free to send in more asks! We love seeing how creative you all are! Love you all! -Admins Sarah and Jay

America: Teacher
Alfred would be that cool teacher that kids probably call by his first name and go to for anything. His main subject would be history (obviously), but he would be really good at science, math and anything sports related. Alfred would cheer on all the students, even if they aren’t in his class or even the grade he teaches. That being said, Alfred would prefer to teach high school. High school is hard and it sucks, so he would try to make it bearable and fun!

England: Librarian 
Is anyone surprised? Arthur would love to be surrounded by books everyday and be able to read on the job. He would love to organize all the shelves, and despite seeming grumpy, he would get so excited to talk to anyone about books, especially if it helps them find a good read or with a project/paper. Though don’t mess up his perfect library, or you may receive a nasty glare.

Russia: Ice Cream Shop
Ivan really does like to make people happy, especially kids. He knows he can look scary, but behind an ice cream counter and wearing a cute uniform, who can look scary? He would be all smiles for the kids and love making their frozen treats. As long as his customers don’t go out of their way to be rude, he would love his job! 

France: Hairdresser
You want to look fabulous? You know where to go. Francis would be the best hairstylist in town, not to mention giving people fashion tips too. He would do it all! With as much style and grace as he has, it would be a sin not to share it! Francis would love to make people feel confident and sexy with their new haircuts, or repairing what a less talented stylist wrecked. It’s all in a days work for a fashionista like him!

Canada: Nurse
Matthew has a gentle touch and a kind demeanor. He would be the best nurse around. He would always be quiet and gentle with his patients and making sure they feel as good as possible. If they ever needed cheering up, he would gladly sit with them and talk to them, or make a joke to get a smile from them. The perk for him would be that as a nurse, no one can ignore him since they see him all the time. Plus, he really loves to help people and get to know them. 

China: Gourmet Chef
Yao is the king of mouthwatering food. He would be a chef in high high demand. Every meal would be perfect and not to mention expensive. Though don’t be fooled, he would love to cook for anybody! That includes making large meals and feeding anyone who is down on their luck. 

Road to Ruin [Chapter 8] Reader

Pairing: Jackson Wang x Reader
Rating: Somewhere between R and NC-17 I suppose
Synopsis: The test ride continues to a local bowling alley with unexpected results.
Author’s Note: So…this took me forever. I apologize again for the long wait, but I’m super excited because THIS is the turning point. Nothing will be the same after this chapter. So get ready for it! Credit for the gif is here.

“I’m going to do something. Don’t freak out.”

Keep reading

Title: Trauma
Pairing: Owen Hunt x Y/N
Rating: 13+
Requested?: Yes; “ Hey I was wondering if you would do an Owen hunt x reader where it’s like the scene where he is choking Christina because of his ptsd but instead of Christina it’s the reader and it’s like ten times worse than just choking her and she ends up having to go to the hospital because it’s so bad. And the reader comes from a home where she was abused and she is like tramitzed but what Owen does and he has to do everything for her like bath her and stuff like that. And fluff from Owen. Sorry it’s long”
Word Count: 1,769
POV: 3rd Person

*Trigger Warning* *Slight Spoiler Alert*

After a long shift at Seattle Grace, Owen was ready to sleep. That’s all he wanted to do at this point. Instead of letting him drive all the way back to his mother’s house, Y/N, his girlfriend, wanted to let him stay at her place for the night. It seemed like a good idea at the time so he did. As soon as Owen and Y/N got to her house, they were searching for the bed. Both of them were so tired that they could’ve slept anywhere. When Owen’s head hit the pillow, he was out like a light. Y/N was basically the same way. Only she didn’t sleep for a long time. Sometime in the middle of the night, she was awoken by Owen. He was hovering over her, his hands wrapped around her neck. Y/N could feel her airway beginning to tighten as Owen continued to choke her. She flailed her arms and legs around, desperate to get his attention. To wake him up somehow. It was all for nothing. And it wasn’t the pain or even the struggle for air that scared Y/N the most. It was the fact that she’s been in this situation before. Her father, a well known alcoholic, had a tendency to choke her until she was nearly dead. Then he’d let up for a minute or two, making Y/N choke and gasp for a much needed breath of air. That’s exactly how she felt now. Like she needed air so desperately. Her lungs burned and Y/N knew she’d need to get a breath in there eventually. Or she would die. Still using all of her might to fight off her “attacker”, Y/N felt herself go numb. Her limbs, her mind, her lungs. Everything went completely numb. She laid there completely still. And that’s when Owen was done. His eyes shot open and he reluctantly released Y/N from his grip, gasping at the damage he caused. Never in a million years did Owen think his PTSD would cause him to hurt the one he loved the most. With shaky hands, he picked up the phone and frantically dialed 911. The operator answered the phone with the same message.

“911. What’s your emergency?” Owen swallowed harshly, looking back to Y/N’s unconscious body. She had a very weak pulse but she was alive. “Hello? What’s your emergency?” The man repeated. Owen regained himself quickly. At least enough to speak.

“I need an ambulance. My-my girlfriend. She’s- she’s, well, she’s unconscious.” He tried speaking as calmly as possible. Like one was supposed to talk to a 911 operator.

“Okay. Sir? We’re going to need the address and we’ll get an ambulance sent there immediately. Owen struggled to tell the operator what Y/N’s address but, when he did, he ambulance was sent out. All Owen needed to do now was make sure that Y/N was okay. Even though she wasn’t at the moment. He knew he was hyperventilating but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was Y/N.


20 minutes, the ambulance arrived at Seattle Grace Hospital. The paramedic sat in the back with Y/N and Owen, trying to keep her vitals up while giving her oxygen. Once they arrived, Owen jumped out out of the ambulance first and quickly tried to help the paramedic get Y/N out as well. But he really couldn’t. They already had her out of the ambulance and the doctors had began to wheel her into the hospital. Owen felt completely useless at this point. He walked in the front doors and immediately sat down in one of the waiting room chairs. There was no way they were going to need him. He felt bad. So bad that, at this point, he didn’t think he could face Y/N. If she woke up, that is. In the first trauma room, Dr. Bailey and Cristina were desperately trying to get Y/N’s oxygen levels up. They weren’t gonna lose another person that meant so much to them.

"Come on, Y/L/N, come on.” Bailey mumbled near Y/N’s head. Eventually, they had to intubate. Her oxygen began going up after that, which was a relief. She still wasn’t conscious but she was recovering. Bailey left the room, ordering Cristina to transfer Y/N to ICU recovery. She walked out into the waiting area, where Owen sat with his head in his hands. When he saw Bailey emerge from the room, he immediately stood up.

“Is she-? Did I-? How is she?” He rushed. Bailey looked him up and down before shaking her head.

“She’s fine. Besides, of course, the oxygen deprivation and the pain she’ll have to overcome. And we can’t forget how she’s gonna have to wear a neck brace for the next 6 to 8 weeks. Doing great.” Bailey spat, her words dripping sarcasm. Owen felt his throat constrict. Nothing like what Y/N went through but he still felt as if his airway was tightening. He couldn’t believe that he had put his girlfriend in this situation. He only knew snippets of her past but he knew enough about it. Owen knew he was a horrible. And Y/N would think so as well.


When she awoke, Y/N remembered it all. It was the reason that she had a tube down her throat. The reason that she couldn’t get the flashbacks to go away. And those flashbacks were the worst. They reminded her of everything she did to her father upset at her. And when he was upset, he would get violent. Whatever was in his range was tossed across the room in an attempt to instil fear in Y/N. It worked and Y/N was often cowering in the corner when the real ‘fun’ happened. It was always the same. He’d grab her by her hair and put her on the wall. He’d then proceed to hold her there by placing a hand on her neck. And squeezing. He grinned while Y/N struggled against the hand that was basically killing her. She’d attempt to fight back but to no avail. He was always stronger than her. When he was done with her, he’d drop her on the cold wooden floor so she could catch her breath. Sitting in her hospital bed, Y/N kept thinking about it. She couldn’t stop comparing Owen to her father. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that that wasn’t the case. The door creaked open and in walked a very distraught looking Owen. The two made eye contact for a couple seconds before they both looked away. Owen approached Y/N with caution, silently asking for her permission to sit on the side of her bed. Y/ nodded and that’s what he did. He reluctantly put his hand on top of hers. She didn’t flinch away, which surprised both of them.

“Y/N, you have a reason to not want me anywhere near you. And I understand that I am a monster. And I-”

“It doesn’t matter whether or not she wants you near her. You’re her caregiver. You have to give care.” Bailey interrupted, handing Owen a packet of Y/N’s discharge forms. Almost immediately after that, Callie came in with the necessary tools to start on her neck brace. Owen’s eyes widened at Bailey’s demanding tone. Y/N flinched a little as Callie turned her head. She reached out and grabbed Owen’s hand for comfort. Callie was done in a short 10 minutes and the only reason that Y/N got through the entire thing was because she was able to clutch Owen’s hand the entire time. Once she left, Y/N had a hard time doing anything. Walking was the worst because she couldn’t exactly see what was in front of her. When Bailey ordered the couple to get out of the hospital and go home, Y/N was put in a wheelchair and Owen wheeled her out. Cristina took the two of them home because they did come their in an ambulance. That night, Y/N told Owen everything. Everything that her father did to her. Everything that she felt when he was strangling her. Everything she thought when she woke up and didn’t see his face.
“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He apologized again. Y/N smiled softly. She had forgiven him a few hours ago now. Y/N looked over and saw that tears were pricking at Owen’s eyes. Of course, he was trying to be discreet about it so, the moment when Y/N’s eyes landed on him, he turned away.

“Hey, look at me.” She commanded. He didn’t listen and suddenly found the patterns on the comforter rather interesting. “Look at me!” She said, louder this time. Owen slowly raised his head to look at her, which was slightly difficult because of the neck brace. “I love you. I’ve forgiven you. Stop stressing over it. Please?” Owen was shocked. He didn’t think she’d be that understanding. He nodded slowly. “Good. Now- uh… I understand if you, you know, find this uncomfortable, but I- uh- haven’t bathed yet today. Do you…. Um….. Think you can help me with that?” Y/N stumbled, blushing a light pink. Owen got up and walked Y/N to the bathroom, undressing her slowly so that she wasn’t in that much pain. Once she was in the tub, Y/N was sure not to get her brace wet, which met staring straight at Owen.

“I love you too, by the way.” Owen smiled. Y/N held a shocked expression on her face as she recalled what she had said earlier. She told him that she loved him for the first time. Blushing, she averted her eyes to look at the sides of her neck brace. Owen grabbed her left hand, which was splashing water around idly, and ran his thumb across it, making her look up at him.

“Really?” She smiled, hopefully. Love was something she needed at the moment. Owen smiled as well, leaning inside the neck brace to place a small kiss on her cheek.

“Really.’ Owen assured her. Y/N finished her bath and Owen helped her dress again before getting her into bed. She was all set as soon as he placed the blanket over her. One yawn later and she was sleeping. Owen sighed. As much as he wanted to crawl in next to her, he knew that he should take the couch. Grabbing the extra pillow and blanket from the linen cabinet, he made his way to the rather uncomfortable couch. If it meant keeping his relationship with Y/N, Owen declared that he’d sleep on that couch as long as he needed to. He wanted her to trust him again. And he was sure to work for it.

anybody: so what’re you up to lately?

me: oh, you know. just trying to reconcile myself to the fact that nick is going to be grace’s love interest in season four of grace & frankie and i might as well get used to it. it’s going pretty well.

me .25 seconds later:

Being genderfluid is awesome and all...

But tbh it has its downsides. It’s not always “handsome, dashing man” one day, and “pretty, graceful woman” the next. I feel like people don’t talk enough about the shitty things that come along with it. 

  • Suddenly switching genders after you’ve already left the house with no hope of returning. Nothing is worse than, in an instant, being a dude in public wearing a tight dress that shows off way too many curves.
  • Those days where you just can’t figure out your gender, no matter how long you think about it. No word feels right, and you just go throughout the whole day going “I am ????????
  • Going long periods of time without changing gender, and you start to doubt if you’re even really genderfluid. 
  • Any day you identify with your assigned gender at birth, you think you just made up your identity to be special. 
  • When most days, you’re ok with your birth name/assigned pronouns, but on the days when you’re not…. You’re really not. And you don’t want to bother asking people to switch name/pronoun use for you, because it’ll just change soon anyway, so what’s the point. 
  • On that note, forget thinking about hormones or surgery. You’re just gonna feel different in a little bit, so why bother? 
  • And ya know… No societal recognition or representation. 

anonymous asked:

a long time ago i asked you for advice on how to get over someone who treated me very badly but i missed them anyway, and one of the things you said was to find new music, movies, etc that i hadn't discovered with them as a way to heal from a weird dependency on that person. it took me a very long time but i have a new favorite musician now, and their music has helped me enormously in letting go with grace. thank you so much.

i was hoping something like that would happen. i found so much music after i got away from my ab*ser. it’s healing good to fill yourself up with things that bring you joy, as a distraction at the very least

Someday (When I Stop Loving You)

Summary: Post-Endgame. She doesn’t know how to stop running. 

Part one of the ‘Last Goodbyes’ series.


He’s been staring at her most of the evening. She can feel his eyes on her as she fidgets, trying to excuse herself politely from the Senator she’s been entertaining most of the past hour, and make her way to the exit.

It’s late, and she’s probably had a little bit too much to drink. It’s been threatening to rain all evening, and now she’s realising she probably picked the wrong shoes to wear.

People are starting to leave, gathering coats and jackets from the cloakroom and she thinks it’s probably the perfect time to make her escape. The rest of the crew, the ones that don’t look like they’re going to be going anytime soon, are growing louder over by the dancefloor.

She suspects strongly that Tom Paris has a lot to do with it.

The Senator huffs with indignation as she cuts him off, feigning exhaustion from their long journey – of seventy thousand light years - and throwing a casual remark about arduous briefings. It’s an easy way out; one that the Senator takes with good graces and waves her off.

She’s moved before he’s had the chance to say farewell.

But, she can still feel the eyes of her former First Officer following her as she all but runs to the cloakroom.

The group of people bustling about by the door is larger than she expected, and her heart is pounding ridiculously fast with the knowledge that Chakotay is not likely going to let her leave like this.

Squaring her shoulder, she decides to risk it, knowing that it’s a short walk to the transporter station and although its late into the fall, she’s hoping the weather will stay on her side just that bit longer. So, she turns, leaving her coat tucked away in the cloakroom and hurries toward the door.

Only she isn’t quite quick enough, and in the precious seconds she took to make up her mind about her coat, he has come to stand behind her. She takes a moment to notice he is a little out of breath as she smacks into him, apologising quickly, rudely, before barrelling past him.

“Kathryn,” he calls, reaching out with an arm to grab her. He misses, and she keeps going – as fast as her delicate heels will allow.

She doesn’t care who is watching, the knowledge that half of her former crew are likely now more interested in their two commanding officers than fighting to get coats out of a room only fuels her desire to leave.

She ducks under some balloons and inclines her head, ready to brace the cold, bitter wind as she pushes the heavy door open. Her hair, once in an elegant up-do, begins loosen, delicate strands falling in a messy waterfall over her bare shoulders.

“Kathryn,” he calls again, growing nearer. He crosses the balloon-covered entry way with surprising ease, reaching forward and catching her elbow before she has the chance to escape through the wide doors.

She stands silently, frozen as his hand encloses tightly on her outstretched arm. Auburn strands are framing her pale face, the hair rustling about as the breeze bits through the open door. The slight blush from her earlier activities on the dancefloor has begun to fade.

“Wait,” he says, tilting his head to try to meet her eye. With one word, she can feel his frustration. He’s been trying to get to her for most of the past hour and for the most part she has thankfully been kept busy and out of his reach.

“No,” she says, angrily and shakes his hand from her arm. He lets her go easily, knowing it would do no good to try to hold her. They don’t need to make another scene out here.

She surges forward, stepping through the door and out into the dark night.

The moonlight stretches out on the sidewalk, illuminating the pavement in thin strips of pale light. The air hits her lungs with frightening force, and she takes a deep involuntary breath that makes her wince with pain.

It’s colder than she realised.

It’s stupid, to come out with no coat this late into the fall. She’s lived in the region long enough to know this, but at no point was she thinking tonight with any rational part of her brain.

The ground is damp, indicating the earlier rain that she knew was coming has not long ceased. Her heels click loudly on the pavement as she begins to run down the path to the transporter station. The frigid cold burns her lungs, the air rustling the skirt of her deep blue gown and she’s concentrating so hard on running that she doesn’t notice him immediately following her.

She has to slow for a moment, reaching down and gathering the skirt to haul it above her calves so she can move more freely. She can hear his steps quicken behind her now, his voice getting more urgent the more he calls her name again and again.

But she isn’t stopping. She won’t – can’t - stop and face him now.

She knows what’s bothering him, the sixth sense she has developed over the years when it came to him as been quietly nagging her all night. The voice has been growing louder in her head, all but yelling at her when he moved that little bit too close into her personal space on the dancefloor and the world began to drown out.

She’s not even sure why he’s chasing her. Not when he is with someone else now. Someone who is probably still standing at the edge of the dancefloor wondering where her date has gone.

The thumping of her beating heart against her chest echoes the rhythm of her footfalls on the uneven surface. Water splashes up in droplets attaching themselves to the heavy material of her gown.

“Kathryn!” he calls for a final time as he reaches her again. His hand is warm on her arm as he grabs her, halting her movement and using the momentum to spin her around to face him.

He’s breathing hard and so is she, their breath coming out in puffs. She’s staring at him, fighting with herself because she doesn’t know whether to scream, cry or run. But he is holding her too tightly again and this time he isn’t going to let her go so easily.

Not now that they are alone and away from prying eyes.

His other hand comes up to swipe at his forehead and it takes her a moment to realise that despite the cold, he’s sweating. The scent of his aftershave is strong in her mind, and the memory of earlier assaults her again.

She squeezes her eyes shut, flexing the muscles in her upper arm to test the strength of his grip. But the memory of their final dance is strong and the feel of his arms under her petite hands is fresh in head because she’d both been dreading and longing for that moment all evening.

Her whole body had frozen when he’d taken her in his arms; the last time that he’d held her had been nearly five years before when she lay dying on an alien world and she’d never let herself forget it. He’d whispered something in her ear, distracting her for a spilt second so she failed to notice how close to her he really was.

And, when she’d turned her head ever so slightly, the loose tendrils of her hair had caught on his stubbled cheek and if she thinks hard enough, she can almost remember the way he breathed the syllables of her name.

His fingers flex on her upper arm, cutting into sensitive flesh and drawing her attention back to the man in front of her.

“Kathryn, just stop running,” he growls. She almost laughs because if they were still on Voyager there is no way he’d ever dare to have spoken to her like this.

She swallows thickly, emotion welling up inside the tight bubble forming in her chest.

The wind is blowing now, gaining speed and momentum as it howls around them. Her hand, the one still holding the slightly damp hem of her gown, lets it go and the material flutters back down to the ground. Her nails, manicured and elegant for the evening, scrape lightly against the expensive fabric with apprehension as his eyes continue to bore into her.

He is so close now, just like before, and she thinks if she leans in a bit and closes her eyes that he just might fill the gap and kiss her again. Like he did in what feels like just moments before on a crowded dancefloor.

Only this time there isn’t a hundred and forty reasons to make them stop with a blonde girlfriend watching from afar and she’s teetering on the edge of wanting to know what will happen when the really can’t stop.

Because they are absolutely exhausting all possible reasons except for one.

“I can’t,” she breathes finally. “I can’t stop running.”

Her hair is almost free now, the wind whipping the strands across her frozen cheeks. It’s been so long since he’s looked at her this way, and she can almost read the burning desire to run his hands over her in the serious expression on his agonised face.

She’s hurting them both, only he hurt her first and she isn’t going to stop running from her feelings now because he’s changed his mind about a young woman who is far too new to human emotion to be caught up in all of this.

He is still breathing hard and she thinks it’s probably because of her, their proximity and the way she is staring at his mouth rather than the short sprint. She spares a glance, breaking away from his lips and looks to her left, down the pathway to the bright lights of the transporter station. It’s not too far away if only she can shake his grip and run on.

“You’re freezing,” he states suddenly. It’s probably an obvious attempt at ignoring her blunt answer from before and distracting them both from bouts of anger and frustration but she takes it anyway.

“I guess I am,” she whispers in return and its only then that she realises how much precious time they’ve wasted out in the air because her lips are so cold they can barely move.

He draws in a deep breath and fights with himself, eventually releasing the death-grip he has on her upper arm to remove his own dinner jacket. He moves stiffly, tentatively and she knows it’s because he is bracing himself for the possibility of her taking this moment to flee.

Only she doesn’t, and he flicks his jacket over her with grace whilst she’s too distracted dragging her tongue over her mouth the gain some sort of feeling back into them. Suddenly she’s completely enveloped in him. His warmth, his scent and something else entirely that makes her want to stop running away and stay right here, with him for the rest of her life.

He smiles, slightly, nervously at her and she thinks it really doesn’t suit him when the frown on his forehead is so deep. There’s a moment of electrified silence, save for the wind, and she releases a shaky breath she doesn’t even know she’s been holding.

“At least let me walk with you to the transport station,” he says eventually and in such a way that leaves no room for argument. Before she can respond, his hand has grabbed her own and she’s mesmerised, staring at the point his bronzed skin meets her own pallor.

They walk impossibly slow, and it’s like he is dragging this out to the point where she will cave, kiss him soundly and he will never, ever let her go.

Only they reach the edge of the station within a few minutes, and she never utters the words she’s imagined herself saying in her head for seven long years. Words that one day she’s imagined saying to him the second they were safe again in Earth’s beautiful orbit and they’d be free.

But fate has a way of being cruel and those moments never came to pass.

Instead, she’s spent the majority of her recent Earth-bound days arguing with the Admiralty and watching him freely love another. Another who’s face has been so clearly burned into her mind in the last minutes as she tried desperately to escape the room that had become so suffocating after his lips at met hers.

She thinks she probably damn well would have made it if she hadn’t had to stay and do her final duties as the Captain of Voyager.  

They stop just short of the door, the bright lights from inside the building illuminating the planes of his face. He drops her hand, reaching around instead to rest a hand on her delicate waist. There’s insistent pressure from his fingertips, urging her to step forward and into him.

Only she won’t, and she knows he won’t push her further than this. But, oh, how she wishes he would. Because it would make her choice so much easier if only he’d make it for her.

The light glints off his muscled forearms, and she takes a moment to wonder when exactly he’d rolled up the sleeves of his stark-white shirt.

She hopes one of them would just start to ramble incoherently, words leaving mouths at maximum speed if only to try and blank out the dreadful thoughts that she knows are penetrating both of their minds.

Because after seven years, this is finally goodbye.

She draws herself up, stepping away from him and watching with agony as his hand falls from her waist and rests painfully still at his side. Like he is holding himself with great effort and she knows because she is feeling the same inside.

“Do you really expect me to say goodbye to you, Kathryn?”

He speaks finally, and her hopes at slipping away without another word vanish. Because she knows that there are only three words he needs to say and she’ll stop running forever.

She can read the nervousness in his features, only increasing now that he’s finally asked the question she’s been trying to avoid all evening. She feels his eyes trace her face, watching in silent anticipation as her eyes slip closed and delicate lashes brush the tops of her cheeks.

Swallowing, she knows that she can’t give him an answer. He has to make this choice for himself and she’s tired of standing in his way of finding happiness. She pulls back and away from him, further now, and turns on her heel to step through the door and continue up to the transport pad.

His dinner jacket still warms her shoulders but she knows he won’t want it back. It’s his final gift to her and in the years to come she knows it will hang somewhere in the back of a closet because she’ll never allow herself to get rid of it. Or, to get it out, breathe in him and relive these memories.

The transporter technician offers her a late-night greeting, and Chakotay has chosen to stay outside but she thinks it’s probably the best choice either of them has made all evening. His eyes are still watching her even through the thick glass of the door.

She can’t meet his heated gaze through the glass, fast becoming cloudy as the rain begins to hammer down and she asks the technician to send her to the family cabin at Lake George. She thinks the technician tells her something about a recent storm there, and she knows without a doubt that she definitely picked the wrong shoes to wear tonight.

Taking a breath, she shimmers away.

Outside, he takes only a moment to lurch forward as she disappears, crashing through the doors and yelling at the transport technician to send him after her. He always thought that someday he’d stop loving her, only now he realises in the freezing rain, watching her disappear to spend the night alone in an ancient lake house that he can never, ever let her go.

She just needs to stop running.


a/n: Some of you asked for a prequel to ‘A Lonely Night’. This is for you! 

Sinners Never Sleep

Summary: Its simple. You train, you plan, you attack, you disarm, and you get out alive… So, if you knew what you were doing, then why was it so hard to get your assassin boyfriend Jungkook to meet your mafia parents- the head of the mafia?
Oh right, Rule 1: Never fall in love…especially with another gang member…

Preface/Preview Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Part 9


You could only stare at him.

He was lying.

He had to be lying.

And if he wasn’t lying, he most definitely did not mean-

‘He took you from a partnering gang when you were a year old.’

‘NO!’ you shout at him, launching across the room to hit him and getting a few whacks in before you get trapped with your back against his chest, not hearing your labored breathing as you struggle in his grasp, huffing angrily as you push at his arms that were laced around you, until eventually you break out of his hold when he realizes you’re not going to give up.

You cant look back at him as you lunge back to the other side of the room, leaning heavily on the frosted, fractured window with one hand and blinking past the blurriness threatening your vision.


‘SHUT UP! Just- Shut….Up.’ you cut him off, making to look at him, but feeling dizzy with just the thought of actually cementing what he’d said as a reality.

‘How dare you…say that…about my father-‘

‘He’s not your-‘

‘DON’T SAY IT AGAIN!’ you scream at him, finally turning to look at him and seeing him having taken a few steps towards you, freezing with the force of your words and staring straight back at you.

You can see the effort it took him not to say anything, despite the fact you couldn’t actually look him in the eye as you sink to your knees on the floor, pressing the heels of your hands into your eyes as you bend over and touch your forehead to the dirty floorboards of the abandoned room. You were so distracted by the absurdity of what he was saying, that you didn’t even have the focus to be worried about him being dangerous, to even fathom that he might be lying, simply trying to calm yourself as your brain continues to reject what he was trying to tell you.

Because even if there was a tiny voice in your mind that was whispering to you that he could be lying…

Your automatic response was to believe him.

You’d always believed him.

‘You know you wont get away with this, don’t you?’

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anonymous asked:

Hello complete stranger who is totally not me, I am an anonymous person totally not sending myself messages to get this blog started! (*wink wink*) Anyway, how about headcanons for the gang teaching MC to skate? (because I've been in a wintery mood ever since it SNOWED the other day)

Ah yes, look at this lovely request I totally did not send myself like ten seconds ago that was totally not inspired at all by Yuri on Ice. What a pleasant surprise! 


  • is there anything this man can’t do
  • seriously
  • he’s gliding around on the ice and he looks like a freaking angel
  • when you ask him about it he just shrugs and laughs
  • no he’s never taken skating lessons or anything
  • he’s just that good
  • screw off you unnaturally perfect asshole
  • but
  • even though he could skate circles around you
  • he wouldn’t
  • except a little at the beginning to show off of course gotta impress his prince(ss)
  • he would just take your hands
  • and skate backwards, slowly pulling you along until you felt more comfortable on the ice
  • even when you can skate on your own he still doesn’t let go of your hand though
  • honestly you two are such a typical couple holding hands and laughing and smiling at each other it’s so gross


  • he’s
  • surprisingly not bad????
  • he can stand?
  • and move??
  • without falling???
  • he’s been ice skating on a few school trips in public school, and he’s been with his friends since then so he’s pretty confident in his ability to at least stay on his feet
  • he would try to do the holding hands and guiding you by skating backwards in front of you thing
  • but he underestimates just how much he cannot see things behind him
  • he can’t see the people coming and you can’t do anything to stop
  • you narrowly avoid bowling over a couple and their children
  • he apologizes like a bazillion times
  • and settles for skating next to you holding hands
  • this is also a bad idea
  • because he may know what he’s doing
  • but you do not
  • one second you’re gliding shakily along next to him
  • and the next second your legs are sliding out from under you like they’re trying to run away
  • traitors
  • Yoosung tries to catch you but he just ends up falling down with you
  • you land with a thud on your back and Yoosung lands right on top of you
  • like
  • ON
  • TOP
  • he’s straddling you and your faces are so close you can literally feel the heat radiating off of his cheeks
  • he’s immediately apologizing again as he jumps to help you up 
  • which just makes things even worse you guys are basically rolling around on the ice for a solid minute or two before you finally get steadied back on your feet
  • at least you guys don’t have to worry about the cold anymore because both of your faces are burning 


  • She’s not sure about skating at first because she hasn’t been in years?
  • She doesn’t want to make a fool of herself in public by being bad at it.
  • Ha. Haha. Yeah. Jaehee. Bad at something. Sure.
  • Seriously she’s another person who’s talents are endless
  • This girl knows balance from all her judo training
  • So after the first few minutes of getting a feel for the ice
  • She’s over there sliding across the rink like she’s been doing this her whole life
  • And you’re over here
  • On your ass
  • Covered in snow
  • You see her stifle a small laugh as you pout up at her and that makes it all worth it
  • You tell her as much and she blushes that makes it worth it too
  • She tries to teach you by explaining exactly what she’s doing and how she’s shifting and balancing her weight
  • But it is just not working the same for you
  • You end up going back to her place for hot cocoa (she makes it of course) and warm-up cuddles afterwards so it’s all good


  • Jumin has never been ice skating before.
  • He has seen figure skating before and has always admired how graceful and elegant the sport is though
  • So when you ask him to go skating with you he’s more than happy to oblige
  • He hires a skating coach to teach you both and rents a whole ice rink just for the two of you
  • He has this idea in his head that it’s going to be all graceful and romantic
  • He’s seen The Cutting Edge after all
  • That is not how it goes at all
  • Who’s helping who here?????
  • The second your feet hit the ice Jumin is practically leaning on you for support
  • Why did he let you talk him into this
  • This is not the way standing is supposed to feel
  • His legs won’t stay still MC why
  • This is not like skating scene from The Cutting Edge
  • Eventually you both manage to stand
  • But there’s something about seeing Jumin
  • Elegant, sophisticated C&R Director Jumin Han
  • Stumbling around on the ice with his long arms flailing around to keep what little shaky balance he has
  • That just cracks you up
  • Jumin’s offended for like two seconds
  • But seeing you laugh and smile like that always brightens him up
  • It wasn’t the elegant romantic night he’d planned it to be but you guys end up having a lot of fun


  • Seven is hopeless
  • He’s flailing around and stumbling across the ice with you the two of you honestly look drunk or something
  • He spends most of his time clinging to you (when you’re not clinging to him)
  • And his favourite method of stopping is to barrel towards you full speed and knock you both into the ground or the nearest wall
  • “MCCCCCC catch meeeeee”
  • “SEVEN NO”
  • But when you find yourself headed for a full on collision with another skate
  • He just grabs your wrist and expertly maneuvers you out of the way and back to the safety of the edge
  • Saeyoung you little shit you could skate this whole time???
  • After that he actually tries to teach you
  • Sort of
  • He likes holding your hand and pulling you across the ice with him
  • But he also really likes speeding towards you and shouting “THINK FAST” then swerving out of the way last second
  • Seven this is not teaching me anything


  • You just assume V can skate
  • When you ask him he tells you he’s only been on the ice a few times and isn’t very good he mostly just sat on the sidelines taking pictures last time he went
  • But you assume he’s one of those people who can just naturally skate
  • I mean look at him
  • He’s all tall and flowy and graceful looking, he must be able to skate
  • You are wrong
  • He cannot
  • Help him
  • You now have a six foot tall half blind grown ass adult man stumbling around a public arena on sharp knife shoes
  • What have you done you’ve created a weapon of mass destruction
  • He’s embarrassed at first but you take his hands and tell him that it’s okay
  • You can figure it out together
  • You and V laugh the whole time and his laugh is the most heavenly sound you’ve ever heard


  • “You want me to wear blades on my feet and slide around on a giant frozen puddle.”
  • “….Why”
  • This poor child has never even seen an ice rink first hand
  • Let alone skated on one
  • He slipped on a frozen puddle once that’s about as close as he’s gotten
  • Eventually you manage to convince him to go to one of those outdoor ice rinks with you
  • Because he can’t say no to you and because you promised you’d stop and get him ice cream on the way home
  • He’s all huffy and scowly from the moment you arrive
  • but you know it’s just because he’s nervous precious snowflake
  • You have to help him tie his skates because “why the fuck are there so many laces???”
  • And then you and Saeran step out onto the ice
  • He’s clinging to your hand like you’re the only thing keeping him upright
  • You probably are tbh
  • You basically stand in one place with him until he gets a feel for it
  • But when you start moving
  • wow
  • Now he gets it
  • He starts relaxing as his movements go from shaky flailing to something that somewhat resembles skating
  • He’s looking up at the sky as he glides across the ice and it feels like flying
  • He looks over and sees you smiling at him with your rosy cheeks and your hair flowing out behind you and you look angelic
  • He squeezes your hand
  • And he smiles Saeran is smiling alert the press this is a goddamn Kodak moment
  • “Thank you.”


  • Vanderwood likes to think that they are a physically capable person
  • They’re in shape
  • They’ve been through a fair amount of physical training with the agency
  • They’ve been in some tough situations before and their body has never let them down
  • When you first ask Vanderwood if they can skate they don’t really want to admit that they can’t do it
  • So they just shrug
  • “How hard can it be?”
  • And that is how they ended up as your skating teacher
  • They get their skates on
  • They help you tie yours too because Vanderwood is the mom friend
  • Then the moment of truth arrives
  • Vanderwood places their foot on the ice
  • And immediately falls flat on their face
  • What the fuck
  • You’re laughing so hard you’re dying
  • Vanderwood is so red
  • They weren’t ready!
  • They manage to get back on their feet see they told you they weren’t incompetent
  • But they mostly just either stand still or push once and let themself glide in whatever direction they want to go
  • “see you just stand straight and then to move you just… move.”
  • Thanks Vanderwood you’re a great teacher.
  • But they do manage to help you figure out how to balance a bit at least
  • They spend most of the time watching you because seriously you should not be allowed to be this cute 
  • stop flailing around and smiling like that Vanderwood’s heart cannot handle it
This is Everything: Chapter Eleven.

Thank you all for sticking around and your patience. 

Here is chapter eleven…finally. 

Not beta’d so ignore silly mistakes. Feedback is always welcome.


All writing here.

Chapter Eleven: Safe.

“I lost my mind trying to find yours.”




Hannah is sleeping. Her breathing is calm and slow. She looks so peaceful and content.

Grace watches her eyes flutter.

She wants to reach out and trace the lines on her face, the dip above her lip, the top of her eyelids. All the flaws and perfections. 

“I fucked up, Grace.”

Grace had heard the desperation in her voice even over the phone. The words were heavy on her tongue and the guilt sitting on her shoulders.

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Just By Chance

“Too tight.” Grace wheezes, spreading her hand over stomach and trying to breathe in.

Grace hates this part the most. The ‘before’ part. Where Jennifer lines her up with the mirror and tugs and tugs at the strings of her corset, until she almost winces with every breath. She hates that her mother will usually sit behind her, and tell Jennifer to pull tighter, as if the tightening of the strings will rein in Grace’s thoughts and comments by default.

What she hates the most, is that she has to watch. She has to stare at herself as they change her, and it’s as if the world is saying that she’s not good enough, unless she changes. That this girl that she sees, as Jennifer pulls at the string of her corset tightly and she stares at herself in the mirror, is the person that everyone wants her to be.

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samsamtastic  asked:

bob/alicia: things you said after it was over

22. things you said after it was over (x)

Bone-rattling exhaustion shivers its way through his muscles in waves. It’s almost welcome, almost a distraction from the leaden, heart-sore way his ribs clench whenever he thinks about Jack. His son, his child, lying gaunt and too pale against the white hospital sheets. It’s far, far too easy to imagine his chest still and his skin cold to the touch.

Home feels surreal. In the darkening onset of evening, nothing looks the way it should. It’s like someone has come in and shifted everything just a few inches and walking through the living room feels like swimming in syrup. It’s like his eyes can’t focus on anything for too long and they skitter about looking for something solid to anchor him, to let him know that everything was going to be all right.

Alicia spins a loose orbit around him, ponderous and austerely graceful. Even now, graceful. They move through the house without bothering to turn the lights on, sparing only the briefest of moments to lock the front door and seal their bubble of grief off from the outside world. Already the press is hounding them – calls to agents, reps requesting a statement, even a group standing outside the gates to their estate – and Bob can feel a headache brewing behind his eyes. He just wants everything to stop.

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It’s with a gentle slope to his shoulders and a certain shimmer to his eyes that Cas stands there, ram-rod straight though his hands are resting relaxed and open by his side, the tiniest of smiles tugging on the corner of his mouth and on his cheeks, watching the merry-go-round.

There’s the buzz of a whole fair, already drunk with the encroaching evening, all around him, and yet, Cas looks like a bastion of calm, a bundle of ever-patient grace and tranquility.

Dean has been staring at Cas watching the merry-go-round for maybe a tad too long because by the time Castiel softly moves to look over to the side, maybe to see what’s taking Dean so long or maybe because he could feel the feeling of eyes on him, the ice cream Dean bought for himself is making its way down his fingers in a slow drip.

And onto his shirt.

Cas’ eyes are soft when Dean sputters and licks up the ice cream, tumbling his way closer to him, in a pointless effort to look less like a creeper or, worse, an idiot in love.

But there’s no questions when Dean finally reaches him, and no effort of Cas’ own to not look amused and follow the licks of Dean’s tongue. He watches him with that kind of endless patience that could only come from eons of existence, from being used to just watching and waiting, for maybe nothing to happen.

The intensity of his gaze makes Dean’s face burn.

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high hopes ~ chapter xi

A/N: Hello darlings! Here is the next installment of high hopes, on time today, heheh. Coincidentally, today is a beautiful one, as the U.S. Supreme Court approved the equal right to marry for same-sex couples. Love wins! Let’s hope this marks another point on the journey to safety, justice, and equality for the LGBTQ+ community. (I’M SO HAPPY EVERYONE.) Tune in next week for chapter xii at carrotskoalasandbooze

Find previous chapters here. This chapter contains language and mentions of illness and death. Please always let me know if I need to add additional warnings! Thank you so much for reading. 


Mamrie drags her out of the room.

She should probably be terrified, but she’s still dizzy from the way Hannah smells and looks and feels, and she feels like a girl in love, again.

Be careful, Grace.

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