like go be a married man you uncle

  • Qrow: A double wedding huh? Sounds interesting.
  • Ruby: Yeah, it'll save us a bunch of money, and if we do all the decorating ourselves then we'll be able to get married even sooner.
  • Qrow: Hey, that sounds like a great idea. Do you think the Schneesters would be okay getting married in Patch?
  • Ruby: Well duh! Who wants to get married in a cold place like Atlas?
  • Qrow: *chuckles* Good point squirt. Hey let's go tell Tai and firecracker about this. I need to ask your pops to be my best man.
  • Ruby: Oh yeah and I need to ask Yang to be my maid of honor!
  • Winter: *eye twitches* Sister.
  • Weiss: *blushes* Yes Winter?
  • Winter: Did your partner and her imbecile of an uncle really plan a double wedding for the two of us?
  • Weiss: *winces* Yes.
  • Winter: Even though neither of us are dating them?
  • Weiss: *sighs* Yes.
  • Winter: *covers her face* They're a determined bunch.
  • Weiss: That they are.
6

“Pray You Catch Me”….Pt. 5

Tonight is the opening party for Leah’s second shop, “Haute Couture Studios.” She worked her ass off to get to this point in her career and I couldn’t be any more proud. Originally, this place was supposed to be a small branch off from her main boutique where she could style her top clients in private. Well shit, as she started building, that boss nature of hers took over and she turned this place into the main focus of her brand. She poured her heart, soul, and pockets, ha, into this venture, hooking it the fuck up. When she told me she wanted to make it better than her first spot, I asked her how much she needed and was prepared to double it. Shit, she’s my world and I will give anything to make sure she’s happy. I started to make a call to my bank, but she stopped me, saying that it wasn’t necessary and that this was something she needed to do alone. I gottta admit, I was feelin a little swole when she shut me down, but after thinking about it, I respected her even more for her decision. She wanted to make sure that this place represented everything she worked hard for, including using only money that she earned. Shit, it definitely paid off. Her studio is dope and is already booked for the next few months. Tonight’s event is probably the largest one she’s ever thrown. From the sponsors, red carpet, and amount of celebrities in this place, my baby really outdid herself. She looks amazing too, stunning from head to toe. I guess you could say I’m in awe of her right now and I made damn sure she knew it. I couldn’t keep my hands off her or stop smiling whenever someone asked me about my feelings towards her endeavors. I was in a great mood, flirting with her and being around friends, until my aunt arrived with my uncle. Even though Leah invited them, I in no way expected him to show his face, waltzing in here like he ain’t a dog. This mothafucka is still stalling, refusing to tell my aunt about the baby. Cay is due in a few weeks and I get the feeling that he’s going to hide everything as long as he can. As the night went on, he continued to act as if he’d done nothing wrong..flirting and gripping her waist the entire time. That shit made me sick. Unable to take anymore of his bullshit, I told him I needed to holla at him. I knew this probably wasn’t the right time, but I’ve had enough. We went downstairs, away from everybody including any bloggers or reporters that could overhear what I had to say. My uncle knew what was up, and met me with the same hostility I had towards him.

“So what the fuck you wanna talk about Moses? Last time I checked, you said you ain’t got shit to say to me.” 

“If it wasn’t for your ass comin up in here, parading Moms around like everything’s all good, it would’ve stayed that way. When the fuck are you gonna quit playin games and tell her??”

“Here we go with this shit again. Number one, she’s my wife…I’m not parading her around, she asked me to come with her and I did. Number two, you gettin way out of line questioning me like this. I think you’re forgetting that I, am your father and you, are my sonWhat I choose to tell your mother is my, business. I’m going to take care of it when I feel it’s the right time. You need to mind yours.”   

“Mind mines?? Really?? Humph, ok…” I said, heated as hell, nodding my head. “Your the one who brought me into this, convincing me to keep up your lie, knowing I would do it to only protect her. You think Imma stop because you’re telling me too?? I’m only giving you the chance to tell her as a courtesy, because you are my father. But shit, it’s lookin like you ain’t never gonna tell her, so I’m gonna have to. You’re takin this L you’re so scared of having.” 

“Fuck you say to me boy?? L?? You talkin real crazy right now…Please don’t make me have to check yo ass at your girlfriend’s event.” He threatened, as he moved closer to me.  

A few scenarios flashed across my mind, as I tried to figure out how I was gonna handle this. He’s pissed at himself and wants to take it out on me. To be honest, I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to hook off on this mothafucka. I inched closer, ready to fight, but eventually came to my senses. Even though he deserves it, this ain’t the time or the place. Besides, even though I’m pissed at him, he’s still my Pops and I really don’t want this to come to blows.

“Man, just back up. Nobody is tryin to fight you.” 

Just as I said that, Blake came downstairs. He saw that my uncle wasn’t letting shit go, so he decided to intervene. 

"Come on Mason, whatever’s goin on, it ain’t that deep for this. Like Mo said, he ain’t tryin to fight you.” He said, attempting to push my uncle back. “Damn man, I leave the picture for one quick second, trying to adjust to this married life, and y’all at each other’s throats.” 

“You mean married demands?….” My uncle said, laughing, trying to play shit off to Blake. 

“Ha, somethin like that, you know your daughter. But yeah, y’all need to get it together, the three of us used to be tight and I need all the support from family I can get with the baby comin and shit.” 

“Damn, I forgot about that…A father and a grandfather?” I said, staring at my uncle as he narrowed his eyes.  

“Yup…Imma be a dad and this old man is gonna be a grandad” Blake said, laughing, unaware that I was taking a stab at my uncle. “Once you and Leah join the club, shit will be complete. The two of us clueless as shit, taking tips from this dude with his five kids, ha.”

“Yeah, Yeah…Whateva” *laughing* “But umm, let me grab Vivian so we can get out of here.” He said, dabbing Blake up. “I feel like it’s about that time….”   

When he came back downstairs with my aunt, I made sure to give her a hug and saw them out along with Blake. Trying to “show” me that my words meant nothing, my uncle decided to hug and kiss her while they waited for their driver. I grew angry but kept my cool. Since this coward ass mothafucka wants to keep her in the dark about his baby, I’m going to make damn sure she knows very soon.

Later on that night……   

“Sooo….Are you…gonna…tell me what happened…between you…and your uncle…tonight?” Leah asked, as I ignore her question, continuing to kiss her and move my hand up her thigh. 

“Damn woman, you came prepared this time….No thong and snaps on this dress for easy access? If I didn’t have your gift waiting downstairs, I’d fuck you right here.” 

“Mmmmm…” She moaned, biting her lip. “Nice try, though…”

“Whachu mean?…” I asked, gettin at her neck.

“Shit….Even though this feels good…as…fuck….You need to answer my question.”

“Can’t that wait, until…”

“Nope…” She said, cutting me off, pullin on my beard. “I thought we had an agreement.”

“Aight fine. He was kinda pissin me off, being all over my aunt and what not, when he’s still keepin the baby a secret. I couldn’t take that fake ass shit anymore, so I let him know. He got mad, even wanted to fight me, but I wasn’t gonna let that happen here. Blake got him to chill out too and after that he grabbed my aunt and left. I thought I kept it under wraps though…Shit. Do you think anybody else noticed?” I asked, praying that no one actually did. 

“Nah….I only noticed you left to confront him because I know the situation. Honestly, I’m glad you did. He lost his damn mind thinking its okay to do this shit to her.”

“Yup. It’s okay though, this game he’s playin is gonna end real soon. But that’s enough about his drama…This is your night.” I said, kissing her arm. “Let’s go downstairs to what’s supposed to be your office, ha. I still have to give you your gift.”   

After she damn near busted my eardrums being overly excited for her gifts, I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed on her shoulder while she looked over them.

“Bae, do you know how long I’ve been trying to get these bags?? Like, seriously…I’ve been on a waiting list for months.”

“I know, that’s why I had to come through for you.”

“Ughh, you make me sick…” She said cheesin hard as hell. “Now I can’t comment on the fact that you lugged a freakin mattress in here.” 

“Whatchu talkin about?” *laughing* “That’s part part of your gift…Shit, the best one too. I like to think that I had something to do with the success of your boutique, fuckin your brains out after that opening night. I’m just tryin to give you all the blessings you need for this one…So take your pick. We can start on this desk or that mattress.” 

“You are somethin else…” She said, jokingly punching my arm. “You were good with the bags, but you lost your mind with this mattress.” 

“And what about the car??”

“Wait, I thought those were your keys?”

“My keys? Since when did I have a Maserati?” I asked, picking them up from her desk.

“Ahhh!!…You got me the car I wanted too!!??”

“Yup…Same four-seater. I also picked a Range for me, since I don’t have a family car either. Gotta get prepared right?”

"So extra…” She said, smiling and shaking her head. “I honestly wasn’t sure if you wanted to push the IVF cycle back or not with everything going on with your family.”   

"Listen, that drama is not going to stop anything we’re doing for us. Regardless of what happens, we gotta continue with our plans. So that means in two months, we start the next chapter.” I said, as I pulled her in for a kiss. “Now back to what I said earlier…Pick one…The desk or the mattress…”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Can you please put together Sokalander convo? I so want it all in one place!! Thanks, and my continued prayers for Zaya and your family, I hope she is recovering as expected.

Zaya’s recovery is slow as expected but so far no major setbacks and we are hopeful. Thanks, anon. Keep the prayers coming. 

As you wish! Here is the convo:


Part 1

After watching three episodes…

My Mother: Oh…nice looking couple and very…nice..sexy…I need to find stones…

Aunt 1: Sexy? Please, these two did it when they first saw each other. Who generates that much heat?

Aunt 2: Phew, it came across the screen like lighting…and I’m menopausal but I need a highlander. One just like that.

Uncle 1: Very nice looking…they must like each other…hahaha

Cousin 1: They are humping. Who are they??? (went off and googled them)

Uncle 2: They look like a couple. How do they look at each other like that?

Aunt 3: You are all imagining too much, just watch it. Good show. Where to find these standing stones? Wait, is this real?

Cousin 1 (joined by 3 other cousins, all googling S/C): oohhhhhh….hot damn. HOT DAMN!!!!!!! YIKESSSS!!!! Are they doing it???

Mother: Doing what?

Aunt 1: Pretzel dance.

Aunt 2 and Uncle 1: This is NOT acting!!!

Mother: Are you into these two? As actors or what? What do you see when you look at them?

Uncle 3: What stones are these?

Me: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!


Part 11

Uncle to Menopausal Aunty: Will you play with me if I wear kilt?

Aunty to perv Uncle: Sure. Lose 20 pounds, work out and come back when you have Jamie’s body, dye your hair red, take Scottish language and history lessons, be chivalrous and get a face transplant. After that, we can talk.

(Laughter all around)

My Dad: Men in these period dramas are always so romantic even if they don’t bathe or brush their teeth. Don’t these men stink?

My Mother: Who cares, they are virile except fat Rupert. SO good looking and virile and ready to go at anytime. Even fat Rupert. See the skirts they wear? Easy access, stinky or not. Roomy too!!

Cousin 1: The balls must not be musky since they are free to swing around…they are kilts, aunty!

My Mother: Kilts, skirts, wraparound sarongs, who cares what they are called. Easy access is what it is about!!! Penis floating around, probably easier to get hard.

Cousin 2: Aunty!!!!! TMI, TMI but keep going!!!! (laughing hysterically)

Aunt 1: I need to find these stones…fictional or not. Goodbye this world!! Who cares if there are no modern amenities?? I want that wedding night. I will even eat those bannocks!!!

Perv Uncle: Oooohhhhh. That was one wedding night. So real. So, so, so…real…I might just go watch again since your aunty here bought DVDs from Amazon. Where are the deleted scenes? There must be some….

Aunt 2: ooohhhh indeed. why wasn’t my wedding night like that? Maybe I should go find these 18th century dresses.

Uncle 1: because you did not marry a virgin who is eager to try everything…or one who looks like that! I would even do him. And her. And him and her. That bite she did….

Cousin 1: Man, these two, have you been following their story?? It seems that people think they are dating or gettin’ dirty and busy. Hard not to when they look like that. Or when they look at each other like that.

(ME: pretend to stick my headphone on tighter and ignore them)

Cousin 2: Helloooo!!!!! This is so damn sizzle damn damn wedding night. NOT ACTING!!!!

Uncle 2: Is it the candles that make it so romantic? They hide imperfections!

Auntie, 1, 2, menopausal aunty, cousins: Nooooooooooo!!!!  

Uncle 2: Ok, ok. Their butts….oh and that bite she does!!! How do they make it look so real? They must have feelings bumping and grinding each other like that….

My mother: Yes, both their buttocks are amazing. So is her boobs. What is her name? TV is so much better these days…

My dad: Candles set the mood. Is Jamie’s chest real? (threw a paper cup from across the table at me). Are you waiting for a man like that?? You gotta find the stones first. And bear the stink!! (laughs to himself). Don’t keep that fella of yours waiting, he’s going to move on.

(I gave dad a sweet murderous look, took off my headphones and listed all my accomplishments to indicate I don’t need a man to make me feel human.)

Everyone: WE KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!

My mother: Yeah, yeah, all that won’t buy you hot sex. Do you have hot sex? Like that wedding night hot sex? Will you give it all up for a man? I would if he looks like that.

Everyone: YESSSSS!!!

(I gave them all another sweet murderous look and decided I should just shut up)

Aunt 3: Leaver her alone! Men are useless. Except James Fraser. Damn these standing stones. Are they only in Scotland??

Me: It’s fictional!!! FICTIONAL. (Wishing my mother’s sisters who introduced me to the books were here instead of my dad’s crazy family! Thank god my mom never read the books!)

Cousin: Imagine what these two are like in real life….PHEW!!!!!

Cousin 1 (joined by 3 other cousins, all googling S/C again): oohhhhhh….they are so beautiful. It’s like they were born to play these roles. Oh, is that a real picture? Or acting? (I went over and they were looking at bts pics of S/C hugging and stuff) Oh, these two.

Aunt 1: They be doing the nasty pretzel dance. All day long.

Aunt 2: They are NOT acting!!! Who wants to bet? $100??

My dad: Are there anymore sex scenes?

Cousins: YESSSSSS!!!!

Uncle 3: With more candles?? What else can she do to him? She already bit him!! Where are these stones again?

Me: Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wedding Themed Sentence Prompts

Send one or more of the following to my muse to see how they respond! 

  • “Are there going to be strippers?”
  • “Are you getting cold feet?”
  • “Can I wear black to a wedding?”
  • “Can you act a little more enthusiastic, please?”
  • “Does this outfit say ‘I’m really happy for you but you should have picked me’?”
  • “Honey, I love you, but if you call our wedding a party one more time…”
  • “I can’t help it, I always cry at weddings?”
  • “I can’t plan a wedding all by myself!”
  • “I don’t have anyone to walk me down the isle.”
  • “I don’t need a wedding planner, how hard can it be?”
  • “I just want our wedding to be a fairytale…”
  • “I just want to get drunk on champagne and dance.”
  • “I never thought s/he’d be the first to get married.”
  • “I thought i would be the first to get married.”
  • “I’ll be the best maid of honor/best man that anyone ever had!”
  • “I’m saying yes to this dress!”
  • “Is the theme of this wedding ‘Tacky’?”
  • “It’s my duty as your best man to throw you a bachelor party that you probably won’t remember.”
  • “It’s my duty as your maid of honor to throw you a bachelorette party that you probably won’t remember.”
  • “It’s not over until someone gets hit on by the brides drunk uncle.”
  • “Just like every other wedding the ultimate goal is to sleep with a groomsmen/bridesmaid.”
  • “Lets just skip the wedding and go straight to the honeymoon.”
  • “Maybe you shouldn’t be marrying him/her.”
  • “Maybe you’re rushing into things.”
  • “My ex-boy/girlfriend is getting married, apparently.”
  • “Now that’s a ring.”
  • “Oh, I’m not invited because I slept with the groom/bride like 100 years ago.”
  • “Our honeymoon is officially booked!”
  • “So, did you say yes?”
  • “That could have been me… so glad I got out when I did.”
  • “There better not be any strippers!”
  • “We’re getting married tomorrow.”
  • “Weddings stress me out.”
  • “You better not shove cake in my face.”
  • “You can’t wear black to a wedding!”
keep me young (and keep me close)

pairing: luke/michael

word count: 1700

read on AO3

Luke was always the first awake in the house. He didn’t mind, he enjoyed the silence as the sun rose in the sky, until the whir of distant lawn mowers and chirps of birds outside the window interrupted it. It gave him time to prop up against the headboard and slip his glasses onto his nose to scroll through the latest news and buzzfeed articles on his ipad as his husband slept soundly by his side. It was his moment of peace before the chaos of his day.

Over the years, Luke had become very good at waking Michael up. When he was bored of the silence and being alone, he slid back into the covers beside the sleeping man, and nudged up into his space. Luke would whisper his name, soft and sweet, while gently scratching at the scruff that lined his jaw. “Mike, I’ll make you breakfast if you wake up,” Luke bargained as Michael’s eyelids began to flutter. The older man let out a hum to notify his husband he was awake, settling his arms around the blonde man’s waist as he opened his eyes. “Morning, muffin.” Luke beamed.

Keep reading

Two Odd Princes ~A Solangelo AU~ Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Today was like any other summer day in Hades Kingdom. Calm breezes, sunny skies, the constant chirping of birds. It was one of the best times for Princess Bianca to sneak out of the castle to visit her younger brother.

She slipped out of her room in a her favorite jacket, and old green hat, and basket in hand, making her way down to the kitchens. With her cloak, she looked just like a servant, so no one would question her when she packed her basket full of food.

The kitchen was even busier than normal and the princess knew why. That’s why she had to sneak out to visit her brother as soon as possible.

Bianca filled her basket with apples, cheese, a few pieces of expensive meats, and fancy pastries before rushing out of the royal palace and through the woods.

The woods were Bianca’s favorite place to be. She felt as one with nature and often found herself hiding away from her royal duties whenever she could. An old friend of hers, Thalia Grace was her name, showed her how to track, hunt, and even how to shoot a bow. All things her father believed a princess would never need, but it had become her hobby.

After an hours walk, Bianca had reached the small town where her brother lived. It was alive as ever. The market was full of people doing their best to get the cheapest price on items, and merchants trying to sell their good.

The young princess smiled, wishing she could have her brothers’ simple life instead of the high expectations she had to live up to.

Bianca made her way to the other side of town where her brother was to be found. He lived in a small rental apartment and worked at an inn down the street.

She knocked on the sixteen year olds door. She heard her brother unlock the door and open a bit, saying, “Come in, B.”

She did as she was told, closing the door behind her and setting the basket on the counter.

“How you doing Nico.”

He sighed, disliking this question. “Same as usual. You?”

“Good,” she responded, taking out an apple and slicing it up for them to share. “I thought about bringing Hazel with me, but father has a message for you.”

Hazel was their half sister. She was only six, and Bianca often bright her along when she went to visit Nico, but her father had made sure to put more security around the castle, making it harder to sneak the younger princess out of her room.

“What does dad want?” Nico asked.

“Well, funny story actually,” B started with a nervous laugh. “I’m engaged.”

Nico’s eyes widened. His sister? Engaged?

“To whom?”

“It’s an arranged marriage father set up with King Apollo of the Sun Kingdom. In two weeks, Prince William Solace will be visiting the castle. To make everything look normal, father wants you back at the castle.”

“Why?” Nico said, anger hinting in his voice. “So he can kick me out again for my sexuality?”

Bianca sighed, wishing her brother would just be happy for once. “Will you come back? For me? You could see Hazel; see the library that you would never leave; see your old room again. Maybe even–”

She would’ve continued on, but Nico cut her off. “See the parent who was willing to basically ban his own son from his home because he likes guys?”

Bianca let out a breath, wanting the yell at her brother to just cooperate for once, but, of course, he didn’t. She understood where Nico was coming from. She would be just as mad if their dad had kicked her out for liking girls.

“Why can’t you just use the excuse that I’m visiting Uncle Poseidon or Uncle Zeus? That always works.”

“Because,” she explained, “if I’m going to marry this man, then he needs to know the truth about our family and you two need to meet each other. You’re going to be a brother-in-law.”

“Not by choice,” Nico mumbled.

“Hey, you think I got a choice in this either,” she said, raising her voice a little. “I don’t want to marry, especially a guy I’ve never met. And I’ve never dated anyone, nor do I want to date, so put yourself in my shoes. I’d be happy to take your place over mine any day.”

Nico’s anger vanished when his sister spoke. He remembered how she had never truly fallen for anyone romantically like Nico had.

They both took a breath to calm themselves. Nico opened the fridge and pulled out a bunch of small McDonald packages of caramels to dip the apples in. Bianca rolled her eyes at him. He ate way too much McDonald’s.

“So,” Bianca said, “when was the last time you actually visited our uncles? Like, for real?”

Ever since his father shunned Nico, the whole family used the excuse that Nico was visiting one of their uncles. Sometimes it was for a family visit, other times it was royal prince duties, but it was almost always a lie.

Nico hadn’t been to see his Uncle Poseidon since his cousin, Percy Jackson, started dating a girl named Annabeth Chase. Since then, Nico had felt kind of awkward around them. One was because he was more a third wheel, and the other was because Nico once had a crush on his cousin. He also hadn’t been to visit his Uncle Zeus or his cousin Jason in over a year. Jason and Nico got along. Jason knew about Nico’s secret and had no problem with it. They kept in touch.

Nico cleared his throat. “Doesn’t matter,” he waved it off. “Tell me about this Will guy. What’s he like?”

B reached into her pocket where she had a small photo of Will. She handed it to him to see.

It was a boy who looked around Nico’s age. He was tall, tan, and had curly blond hair that reflected the sun’s rays. His eyes were bright blue like the sky. Nothing like Percy’s. Will’s were more clear and non-sea like. His body was also built like an athlete’s.

He’s attractive, Nico thought, blushing like mad. Bianca noticed and did her best not to laugh.

“Like what you see?” she teased.

“Shut up,” Nico mumbled handing the picture back. “What do you know about him?”

“Well, not much. He’s about a year older than you, knows a lot of medical stuff, and can sing, apparently.”

Nico thought about it. Clearly, he didn’t have enough information to trust this guy with his older sister. What if he was a creep? This left Nico with only one option.

He ran a hand through his hair before he replied. “Fine. I’ll come home.”

He glanced up to see his sister with the brightest smile in the world. It caused him to smile as well.

Bianca wrapped her arms around her little brother, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can’t wait to see you at home!”

Nico smiled again thinking about going home, forgetting about all the bad things there for once. He’d see both his sisters again, his old room, the library, and the gardens, his favorite place to take a stroll.

Bianca pulled away, picking up her basket after pulling all the extra foods out. “I gotta go now, but I’ll try to stop by again. Love you!”

“Love you too, B!”

The door closed a few seconds later leaving the young boy to think.

Alright, so this is the first fan fic I’ve posted on Tumblr and I hope you enjoyed. I’ve written more fan fiction over on Wattpad under the username Starlight_88 if you want to check that out. As soon as I post the next chapter on there, I’ll post it here on Tumblr for those who don’t have a Wattpad. I’m also posting it on PercyJacsksonFanFiction.com cause why not. Same user as Wattpad if you want to know.

Stay tuned for chapter 2 :)

anonymous asked:

Yay for Zaya!!! Prayers and those angels - they work girl! Please let her and the rest of your family know how many good thoughts, prayers and wishes are coming to her from your Shipper friends over here on Tumblr. Love this group!

Thank you, anon. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers for Zaya. 

We had a minor setback this afternoon; there was a blood clot in her leg but doctors were able to handle it. I continue being in awe of her medical team and Ms. Zaya’s spirit. She is doing good, considering all that she has been through. We are still keeping vigil at the hospital. 

Unfortunately for me, my crazy family has finished watching the wedding episode. Let me continue from this exchanged that I overheard last night:

Uncle to Menopausal Aunty: Will you play with me if I wear kilt?

Aunty to perv Uncle: Sure. Lose 20 pounds, work out and come back when you have Jamie’s body, dye your hair red, take Scottish language and history lessons, be chivalrous and get a face transplant. After that, we can talk.

(Laughter all around) 

Sigh. My family is full of perverts. So I decided to covertly document their perverted conversation…

My Dad: Men in these period dramas are always so romantic even if they don’t bathe or brush their teeth. Don’t these men stink?

My Mother: Who cares, they are virile except fat Rupert. SO good looking and virile and ready to go at anytime. Even fat Rupert. See the skirts they wear? Easy access, stinky or not. Roomy too!! 

Cousin 1: The balls must not be musky since they are free to swing around…they are kilts, aunty!

My Mother: Kilts, skirts, wraparound sarongs, who cares what they are called. Easy access is what it is about!!! Penis floating around, probably easier to get hard.

Cousin 2: Aunty!!!!! TMI, TMI but keep going!!!! (laughing hysterically)

Aunt 1: I need to find these stones…fictional or not. Goodbye this world!! Who cares if there are no modern amenities?? I want that wedding night. I will even eat those bannocks!!!

Perv Uncle: Oooohhhhh. That was one wedding night. So real. So, so, so…real…I might just go watch again since your aunty here bought DVDs from Amazon. Where are the deleted scenes? There must be some….

Aunt 2: ooohhhh indeed. why wasn’t my wedding night like that? Maybe I should go find these 18th century dresses. 

Uncle 1: because you did not marry a virgin who is eager to try everything…or one who looks like that! I would even do him. And her. And him and her. That bite she did….

Cousin 1: Man, these two, have you been following their story?? It seems that people think they are dating or gettin’ dirty and busy. Hard not to when they look like that. Or when they look at each other like that. 

(ME: pretend to stick my headphone on tighter and ignore them) 

Cousin 2: Helloooo!!!!! This is so damn sizzle damn damn wedding night. NOT ACTING!!!! 

Uncle 2: Is it the candles that make it so romantic? They hide imperfections! 

Auntie, 1, 2, menopausal aunty, cousins: Nooooooooooo!!!!  

Uncle 2: Ok, ok. Their butts….oh and that bite she does!!! How do they make it look so real? They must have feelings bumping and grinding each other like that….

My mother: Yes, both their buttocks are amazing. So is her boobs. What is her name? TV is so much better these days…

My dad: Candles set the mood. Is Jamie’s chest real? (threw a paper cup from across the table at me). Are you waiting for a man like that?? You gotta find the stones first. And bear the stink!! (laughs to himself). Don’t keep that fella of yours waiting, he’s going to move on.

(I gave dad a sweet murderous look, took off my headphones and listed all my accomplishments to indicate I don’t need a man to make me feel human.)

Everyone: WE KNOW!!!!!!!!!!! 

My mother: Yeah, yeah, all that won’t buy you hot sex. Do you have hot sex? Like that wedding night hot sex? Will you give it all up for a man? I would if he looks like that. 

Everyone: YESSSSS!!! 

(I gave them all another sweet murderous look and decided I should just shut up)

Aunt 3: Leaver her alone! Men are useless. Except James Fraser. Damn these standing stones. Are they only in Scotland?? 

Me: It’s fictional!!! FICTIONAL. (Wishing my mother’s sisters who introduced me to the books were here instead of my dad’s crazy family! Thank god my mom never read the books!) 

Cousin: Imagine what these two are like in real life….PHEW!!!!!

Cousin 1 (joined by 3 other cousins, all googling S/C again): oohhhhhh….they are so beautiful. It’s like they were born to play these roles. Oh, is that a real picture? Or acting? (I went over and they were looking at bts pics of S/C hugging and stuff) Oh, these two. 

Aunt 1: They be doing the nasty pretzel dance. All day long. 

Aunt 2: They are NOT acting!!! Who wants to bet? $100??

My dad: Are there anymore sex scenes? 

Cousins: YESSSSSS!!!!

Uncle 3: With more candles?? What else can she do to him? She already bit him!! Where are these stones again?

Me: Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t think I can stomach documenting this madness anymore. My hope is that I can go home for good tonight and sleep for a few days!!! 

Man From UNCLE Starters Set 2
  • "You're lying, I know you're lying. And I'm sick to death of your lies."
  • "I was right the first time, I did fall down the rabbit hole."
  • "Let's get out of here."
  • "He tripped over the office cat."
  • "We all have our weaknesses."
  • "Are you always this suspicious or is it just me?"
  • "Are you sure you've never been married?"
  • "You just like blondes."
  • "Anyone we know?"
  • "Beautiful is it not?"
  • "Now what are we going to do?"
  • "And what? Give up show business?"
  • "I say, it takes quite a bit of talent to spent 100,000 dollars in 30 seconds."
  • "We've got to. I want my children to drink champagne."
  • "What are you doing? I thought we were going to have a party."
  • "I hate to trouble you with trivia, but I think I'm about to get killed. And it struck me that you might want to say goodbye."
  • "So this is where you've been hiding."
  • "We do work well together, don't we?"
  • "You're getting completely unreliable."
  • "Don't worry, he'll be back."
  • "A funny thing happened on the way to Sweden..."
  • "He was a very brave bull, sir."
  • "A minor riot ensued."
  • "You have shattered my ego!"
  • "Is it a oujia board?"
  • "A gun? Really?"
  • "You're spoofing me."
  • "We have found the South America variety, the vampire bat, is most suitable for our purposes. And the most blood thirsty."
  • "Let me introduce you to my friends."
The curse of kings and queens- Teen wolf AU- part 2

Originally posted by reign-gif

Part 2

part 1 is here


Words: 1117

Rogelio was a round man, clearly well fed, tall and intimidating compared to your size. Yet he wore a large grin when his eyes met yours and Inga’s, allowing a peacefulness to wash over you. You moved out of your home country, telick, and into a new one, leaving your past behind you.

In spite of this, you couldn’t leave behind your blood behind you. And three years later, when you were 14, there was a raging war across the continent. One led by lillika, the largest of all countries. They dominated the continent always greedy for more power and land. And it was in the middle of winter, that they ceased kaross. They stole a great deal of land and money. However your uncle Rogelio managed to maintain some by making a deal with the king of lillika. One

you didn’t find out about until a couple of months before your 17th birthday.
You tied up the laces of your cream sandals around your ankles, getting ready to head out to the local food and goods market in order to make dinner that night. You zipped through the house, picking up money and a basket along the way, but before you reached the door your path was blocked by Rogelio.

“Y/n we need to talk about what I promised a powerful man a long time ago.” Instantly you recognised the guilty look in his eyes, and nodded your head, setting down the basket before following him to the living room. You took a seat on a soft, beige armchair, as he sat on the one opposite.

“Y/N when you were 14, the king of lillika came to take everything away from me and my family. That was until he heard that you were living in my household. It was then he came to me, when I had nothing and made me a deal” he paused, and your heart rate quickened in anticipation at what he could’ve possible promised. “On your 17th birthday you are to go to their castle. You will be a lady to their daughter. Shadowing her, until you are ready.”

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Daddy 5SOS: Proposals (Jake and Nebraska)

Could you do proposals so when Isaac proposes to Kayla, Jake proposes to Nebraska and Matthew proposes to Hannah bc omg the feels. And if you want you could maybe do the bit where the guy asks her parents for permission to marry

A/N: These are going to be posted separately, so enjoy these for the next few days! Today is Jake and Nebraska :) You can check out the other ones that have been posted on my masterlist! Enjoy!

“Hey, Dad? Can I talk to you for a second?” Jake asked, appearing in the doorway of the master bedroom. Ashton glanced up from where he was relaxing on the bed with the book and sat up, nodding.

“Of course. What’s up, kid?” Ashton smiled. Jake came to rest on the foot of the bed in front of his father and nervously fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He took a deep breath and looked up at his dad, then giggled a bit.

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babygirlnc  asked:

TFLN? The morning after they get back together. Either she sends 1 to Beth or Harry sends 1 to Niall.

Harry. Niall. 

For God sake, I hope you’re naked right now. I hope you had the most mindblowimg sex ever and I hope you’re going for round two right now. 

Good morning to you too. And yes, we have no plans to get up today. 

You’re a menace, you know that?

I have no idea what you’re talking about. ;) 

I know you and Lou were up to something. 

Yeah. Because you were being a miserable dick all heartbroken and mopey and somebody had to do something. You should be thanking me. 

Thank you. Now go away. 

And yes, I accept your offer to be your best man. 

You shouldn’t have. I can’t wait. When are the save the dates going out?

I hate you. 

When you’re 95 and still married to each other, you won’t hate me. 

‘Gather 'round kids! Uncle Niall has a story to tell you about how he and your Uncle Lou saved your parents’ relationship! Without us, you wouldn’t be here!' 

That’s it, I’m deleting you from my contacts. Round two sounds like a brilliant idea. 

Make a baby, do something useful! Have sex until you both can’t walk! 

Do you need anything for your sex-a-thon. Snacks? Juice? Hydration is key.  Chocolate? Bubble bath? I’m not going to that fancy bath shop you lot like. Makes me head hurt. Do you have condoms? 

You just told me to make a baby? 

That only takes one time. 

Good to know you paid attention in health class. I don’t think we’re making babies today. 

Hey now. 

And you never know. 

Go away Niall. We’re busy. Thank you for being so interested in our sex life. I think we’ll manage. 

Just making sure. 

Bye Niall. 

Bye, buddy! Have fun. ;) I hope at least one thing gets up today. ;0

You’re disgusting. 

Ah, but you love me. You’re welcome, lovebirds! 

A virgin..until I Met you pt.2  (KIM TAEHYUNG)

BTS member : taehyung x reader

genre: angst/smut/fluff  Mature contents

Originally posted by gwiyongie



masterlist

part1


it was all about that delicate details that flow in  all the top of dress; you admired the reflection of the soft beige strapless dress featuring a silk overlay with a pastel print ,this elegant maxi dress brought you a purity to life Add the pale pink heels and a string of pearls that were also in other box 

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Blue or Pink Jellybean

Blue or Pink Jellybean

Summary: Riley and Lucas find out the gender of their first child with company of friends and family.

Word count: 1,298

For: @sseversole

Part 1: Jellybean Pizza

Today was the day. Riley and Lucas were expecting their first child and couldn’t be any more anxious to find out the gender of their little jellybean. Their friends and family traveled down to the Lone Star state find out the wonderful reveal. Maya was finally finished with her art curator internship in London, Zay and Vanessa had gotten back from their honeymoon, and Farkle and Smackle finished up their Ph.D. degrees in psychology. The timing couldn’t be anymore perfect. They gang had definitely changed and matured and were about to welcome a new member to their family.

“Should I wear my hair up or down?” Riley wondered as she stepped out of their en-suite bathroom.

Lucas turned around to see his glowing wife wearing a purple maternity dress. If you had told him when he was in the 8th grade that he would be married to Riley Matthews and be expecting a child with her he wouldn’t be believe you because it would sound too good to be true. But here he is.

Lucas walked over to Riley and ran his finger through her dark brown curls, “It doesn’t matter to me,” he told her, “but I do love when you straighten it.”

Riley gazed into his eyes and planted a small peck on his lips, “Down and straight it is.”

She walked back into the bathroom to finish getting ready for the special occasion.

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Soo why is this Black guy at my job trying to convince me that the police brutality issues in america are and I quote “not a black and white thing. it’s a police brutality thing.” Like he was tryna argue this to me on Friday and now just came over to say “oh see three of the cops were Black” and i’m like “and?” 

Black people can’t be anti-black and perpetuate white supremacy? Then I threw some stats at him and basically said he’s not going to convince me to diminish race from the equation. Like nigga what you doing. 

He’s a big and tall dark-skinned Black man and he wants to say this shit is not about race. But keep clinging to your colorblind security blanket if you want to. Just know it ain’t bulletproof.

anonymous asked:

Drabble. Everlark. Katniss and Peeta seat side by side at a 12 hours flight.

I tweaked the prompt a little. Hope you still like it!

I hate airports.

There is nothing redeeming about the airline industry. They cram you into these dinky seats, offer you a small drink and a package of awful crackers if you’re lucky, and they fool you into paying an arm and a leg because there is no other way you can get to somewhere. I mean, I could take a boat to London but I would spend my entire spring break on the stupid boat and miss the wedding that I don’t even want to go to anyway. I could send myself on the fucking Titanic and I’d probably have a better spring break than I’m going to have.

My uncle is getting married. Again. It’s his third one. His first one was when he was eighteen and he thought she was pregnant. That one didn’t last too long.  Then he married my mom’s best friend Maysilee after college and that one actually went swimmingly until she died when I was five. Now, after my dad pushing him to get back into the dating scene, he’s getting married for a third time.

To be honest, my Uncle Haymitch doesn’t seem like the marriage type to me. He’s a biologist at a university doing research on geese. Yes, geese. And he loves it.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms. My flight is delayed.

It’s not that I really care that the flight is delayed. I don’t. It’s that my family will care.

Number Three is going to have to loosen her corset and have a drink because there is no way I’m going to be there in time for the pre-married dinner or whatever it’s called. Prim’s the one who cares about these details. I just want to get this over with.

Number Three and I don’t really get along.

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