like can't he have this one thing that's not about that

  • Fandom: We want diverse casting! We want representation for multiple races, strong female characters not confined to romance roles, being a perfect goody-goody, or overly-sexualized! Representation for the disabled! And non-neurotypicals! Representation that doesn't reduce characters to stereotypes!
  • Saban's Power Rangers: Main cast features a racially diverse super-hero team consisting of one white characters, one half-Indian lead, a Latina lead, an Asian lead and a black lead.
  • Saban's Power Rangers: Gives white lead a ruined leg. Does stupid, idiot jock things without being a gross creep. When he sees a girl in a bikini in the distance, he announces himself at the first opportunity, and his thoughts are about her safety. He treats female teammates with respect. His female teammate feels comfortable and safe entering his bedroom at night, and it's not a big deal. Filmmakers cut any romantic tension there to better serve the character. He's not celebrated or treated like a special hero for it. There are no jokes or bits normalizing creepy, objectifying, sexist behavior that is cliche because "boys will be boys." His lack of misogyny is not treated as anything "special", as anything he somehow deserves a reward for. It's normalized.
  • Saban's Power Rangers: Makes Black lead a stated autistic who actually acts like an autistic person who can't pick up on verbal quirks, social cues, doesn't like being touched, etc. Is neither defined by nor ashamed of who he is. Retains the role from the original that that the blue rangers is the brains of the group without resorting to the overdone-Sheldon-Cooper-esque type of autism where he's implied to merely be rude and doesn't have any real emotions towards people. Thinks of others so much he's the first to morph and worries about leaving his mom behind if he dies, has a healthy perspective on the idea that she could move on with her romantic life, is obsessive compulsive but not in the Hollywood cliche "neat-freak" way. Autism is not treated as a flaw or a superpower, just part of his character. Not necessarily portrayed as the cliche "autistic genius" either. Smart and capable without his intelligence being tied to autism.
  • Saban's Power Rangers: Makes Indian female lead a character who has actually done something terrible and isn't the cliche-outcast-victim of "mean girls". Never once portrayed as "not like other girls", has an actual arc of her own. Completely cuts any and all romance sub-plots for her because it wasn't good for the character and the filmmakers did not want to reduce her to a love interest. Actually applies her old feminine-coded activities (cheerleading) to how she battles, being the most effective Zoid pilot because her instincts are to do things like lift, carry, and throw people, work as a team, and take on heights (AKA 80% of what cheerleaders do, basically)
  • Saban's Power Rangers: Female Latinx Lead is an outcast with depth that is actually explained. Is stated as queer without any hint of queerbaiting. Her struggles are never used to fuel some BS "betrayal" or portrayed as faults. Remains loyal to her new friends. Is not portrayed as needing to "come out of her shell". Her introvert nature is never treated as a flaw or something that needs to be "fixed". Remains introverted and very much herself after becoming a Ranger. Her sexuality is source of some of her struggle, but the struggle is clearly about other peoples' issues, not hers. Sexuality is mentioned briefly, does not define her character or conform to stereotypes (she wears flannel at one point, but so do straight characters. That's about it.)
  • Saban's Power Rangers: Asian male lead is a reckless, extroverted, rebellious thrill-seeker who cares for and adores his mother. Pulls a dumb, thrill-seeking stunt that provokes a genuine conflict.
  • Saban's Power Rangers: None of the PoC leads conform to racial stereotypes. Black character doesn't conform to stereotypes with black characters. Asian character isn't stereotypical, neither is the Latinx one. Female characters aren't love interests, sexualized, don't conform to stereotypes, they have independent stories, and are strong and different without being portrayed as better or "not like other girls."
  • Saban's Power Rangers: Allows female villain to be evil, ambitious, terrifying, determined, unsexy, gross, violent, and genuinely smart. Does give her shades of a character beyond that, but doesn't try to make her sympathetic or "spurned" or "haunted" or without agency. She's evil and loves it. She's really good at it. She's merciless. She's got personality coming out of her ears, but isn't toned down.
  • Dumbasses: WAIT?! THEY CUT OUT A FORCED ROMANCE THAT HAD NO BASIS IN CANON AND WOULD HAVE HARMED THE FEMALE CHARACTER?! THEY DIDN'T PAIR UP THE WHITE LEAD WITH THE FIRST FEMALE LEAD FOR NO REASON?! THAT'S THE ONLY THING THE FANDOM ACTUALLY WANTED!
  • Fandom: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! We're just pissed about the awful color pallet...
  • what she says: I'm okay
  • what she means: Can I say my shit? Can I say my shit? I've got lots of shit to say. I've got lots of shit to say. I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can, I have a huge amount of trouble fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can. I can get my hand like four inches into the can but then I have to tilt the can into my mouth but then a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can so they all go spilling onto my face. What I'm trying to say is the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. I'll say it again. The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small. If you feel me, put your hands up, Come on! If you feel me, put your hands up! Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside of a Pringle can! Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can, your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can. You think you can, I know you can't, you think you can. Pringles! Listen to the people, I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get are about the width of your cans?! Just... make them wider?! I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry. I want to have a daughter. I want to have a daughter so I can finally have someone around the house who can fit their hands in the Pringle can. Yes, I'm still on the Pringle cans thing! Yeah! I'll move on, alright? But that is priority número uno. I don't go to the gym because I'm self-conscious about my body but I'm self-conscious about my body cause I don't go to the gym. Irony can be so painful. That's a Catch-22. Let's do this! I went to Chipotle, I went to Chipotle, got myself a chicken burrito. I went down the line and I got all these ingredients and at the end of the line the guy tried to wrap the burrito but half of the shit inside the burrito spilled out. He still wrapped it. I was like, dude you should have warned me! You're a burrito expert, you should have told me halfway through: "Hey, man. You might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here" Do you fucking think I want a messy burrito? No one wants a messy burrito! The whole appeal of the burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained within the confines of the tortilla. I wouldn't have gotten half of the shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito! Alright? Look I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got half of it! Like, I'm okay with small mistakes, if you've got no more chicken I'll take pork. But I'll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fork. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit. Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like half of it, like, half of it, like, half of it, like half of it right now,I think it's time I think it's time, I think that we break this down. I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are pringle cans, and burritos. The truth is, my biggest problem's you. I want to please you but I want to stay true to myself. I want to give you the night out that you deserve but I want to say what I think and not care what you think about it. Part of me loves you, part of me hates you, part of me needs you, part of me fears you. And I don't think that I can handle this right now, handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. Look at them, they're just staring at me like, "come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself." I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. They don't even know the half of this right now, they don't even know the half of it. But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show so I should probably just shut up and do my job so here I go. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got half. You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme and if they still don't understand you then you run it one more time. I don't think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) I don't think that I can handle this right now (Hoo!) If you think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) Right now (Haa!) Now, handle this right, handle this right, handle this right now.Thank you, good night! I hope you're happy.

so uh, i’m having an emotional crisis since voltron ended and i just?? want more??? i haven’t pined for a series like this in so long ahahaha

so now have that blade-of-marmora!galra!keith + altean!lance au that nobody probably wants feat. eventual mutual pining

Inspired by this art of rachelhuey (thank u for letting me running away with your ideas!!!)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I thought I was over of how bad s4 was but I'm not and it's now 4 am and I can't sleep. The thought that's making me loose sleep is why did they have to make Mary part of the team? It's just the two of them against the rest of the world, right? why did they have to love her and include her in the cases? Why can't at least Sherlock see how horrible she is? I know I'm being rediculous but it gets to me it really does

Hey same ridiculous insomniac anon do you know what gets to me too??? John cheating on Mary even if it’s texting… people argue that it’s in character he’s a womanizer after all but isn’t he the guy who’s loyal very quickly? What do you think?

Hi Nonny!

Yeah, I never understood why they went the route of making all of S4 essentially NOT about John and Sherlock. I liked the visuals of T6T and TLD, but Mary REALLY fucking killed it for me, especially the magical redemption arc they chose to give to her. The whole season felt really ooc for me, and Mary being more of Sherlock’s partner than John was REALLY rubbed me and many others the wrong way. The way the narrative was going, it SHOULD have been her being on the run FROM them, not working WITH them.

Because of this, I really, really feel like there is a false narrative at play here, that the entirety of S4 is being told like a blog entry (hence why they stopped the blog AND used the title of one of the entries to clue us into this fact) because of all the OOC-ness, inconsistencies, fourth wall breaking, “scene jumping” and the “fakeness” of Mary’s death and TFP. The season contains a sense of adventure,  is romanticized (though in the wrong direction), and fantastical elements, just like the blog. I found it SO bizarre that Sherlock CONSTANTLY kept saying “I’m Sherlock Holmes!”… just like John’s blog would have done. And TFP for me is John’s TAB, so there’s already an alternative narrative. Anyway, this went way off topic, but you get me. John’s blog is playing out on screen. Why, I don’t know; perhaps to show the general audience that not having John and Sherlock in the picture together doesn’t work, since most of the entries are told as if John is standing on the sidelines watching events unfold – ergo making the season seem very not-our-show. Plus, calling the first episode “The Six Thatchers” after a blog entry on John’s blog and ENDING the season with Mary narrating is so telling to me.

Second part of your ask: I AGREE. It’s really weird to me, simply because we SAW John was essentially done with dating by the end of ASiB because he was happy with whatever he could get with Sherlock. And it took him TWO YEARS to mourn Sherlock before he decided to move on, and for whatever reason, Mary was able to establish that trust with John within six months (I presume she emulated what she thought John wanted, but she’s a professional manipulator). He only stayed with Mary because he didn’t think Sherlock wanted what John wanted, and perhaps also some manipulation on Mary’s part, convincing John that Sherlock would never love him like she loved him.

So then when John is “cheating” I find it really OOC, if only because I just can’t see John ever wanting to get involved with anyone every again after the heartbreak of both Sherlock and Mary. Though, I still hold the belief that it’s really Sherlock John is texting in T6T, and we are told otherwise because of the false narratives (given that I think that the episodes are being told like a blog entry, it’s only natural to assume lies about the things truly happening are present). And maybe it was “just texting”, fine, but it just doesn’t really fit John’s character to me unless that person is Sherlock or unless John is doing another plan behind everyone’s backs with Mycroft (ie. the texting is coded and E is an associate of Mycroft). He has serious trust issues, even an emotional affair with some rando on the bus just doesn’t jive with his character arc they’ve built up over three seasons.

I don’t know. People say it’s in his character, but I just have a really hard time seeing it, especially since he knows the kind of person Mary is (killing Sherlock for trying to tip off John), like… I can’t imagine he would do that again. Mary’s complete shift from the character she was in S3 is what’s tipping me off the most about a false narrative, and as such we can assume the other characters may not be who they seem to be as well, at least in my opinion.

SNK Chapter 90 In A Nutshell
  • Soldier: So obviously we shouldn't tell the public about, you know. *Gestures at the basement*
  • Pixis: If we keep secret from the public doesn't that make us as bad as the guys we just overthrew?
  • Historia: Baldy's right. We're going public.
  • -----------------------
  • Newspaper guy: So basically we're the descendants of a minority race who can turn into titans and outside of the walls is a giant military that wants us all dead.
  • Levi: Hit the nail on the head. So how are people taking it?
  • Newspaper guy: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
  • Citizen 1: Well hey this is pretty interesting. It explains a lot.
  • Citizen 2: HA! You expect me to believe this?
  • Citizen 3: The government is spreading lies about an upcoming war so they can put us all in labor camps and fuck our wives while we're away.
  • Newspaper guy: Mixed reception.
  • ------------------
  • Hitch: Sup bitches, heard Marlow died a hero's death.
  • Flock: Yeah he ruled. When Erwin went down, he led the charge that let us take down the beast titan.
  • Flock: But in his dying moments, I'm pretty sure all he felt was regret.
  • Jean: Dude what the fuck.
  • Flock: Hey man I'm just spitting facts.
  • Flock: OH AND ANOTHER THING.
  • Flock: I still think the commander should've survived, not Armin. You know who else thinks that?
  • Flock: Literally everyone but Eren, Mikasa, and Levi. You know, the fucking assholes who put their emotions above common sense?
  • Eren: I will fight yo-
  • Flock: Oh shut the fuck up, Eren. I get that you're the main character and shit, but more matters than just what YOU feel. You should've given up and sopped pestering Levi, like Mikasa did.
  • Mikasa: *Shame*
  • Jean: We get it Flock, you have a small penis. Just let it go, alright?
  • Flock: OH, AND ANOTHER THING.
  • Flock: Jean, Connie, Sasha, none of you stopped Levi or Eren and Mikasa from fucking us all up the ass. You just stood there like a bunch of people with smaller penises than me.
  • Flock: Come on, I signed up to save humanity. If that's not what you're about, let people know before they join this organization.
  • Armin: ...Yeah, Flock's right. Commander Erwin should've lived.
  • Eren: You don't know that, Armin! Come on, we still know nothing about the world out there! You still haven't seen the ocean, right? There's so much to learn about the world, you can't give up! If we just go beyond the walls-
  • Eren: *Flashback to what happened to Faye when she went beyond the walls*
  • Eren: Fu-
  • ----------------------------
  • *Ceremony where Historia gives out rewards commences*
  • Eren, in his thoughts: I know that our situation is bleak, and if I can change I'd be willing to sacrifice my life. And yet, I can't bring myself to sacrifice Historia.
  • Note: This is a reference to how Eren know that, when he activated the coordinate, he was touching a titanized royal (Dina), so they might be able to activate it by titanizing Historia. But he didn't tell anyone.
  • Eren: *Kisses Historia's hand*
  • --------Memory is awakened in Eren----------
  • *Back when Grisha was confronting Freida, before he ended up killing them all*
  • Grisha: Come on guys just use your powers to kill everyone trying to kill the people I love so the people I love don't have to die.
  • Freida: *Glares at Grisha*
  • ---------------------
  • Narration: Anyways so the guillotines pretty much got rid of all the titans and they retook wall Maria. And there's almost no titans left on the island.
  • Narration: So I guess all the titans are killed. One thing off Eren's bucket list.
  • Narration: SO a lot of months passed and they set off to find the ocean.
  • Survey Corps: *Reaches Ocean*
  • Narrator: Another one off the bucket list. Productive day.
  • Everyone: *FLIPS THE FUCK OUT*
  • Eren: *Somewhat sullen, contemplative*
  • Eren: So... on the other side of that ocean, there's people who are going to try to kill us.
  • Eren: We aren't free yet. Is killing the people who oppose us what it takes to finally be free?
  • Fandom: Dude chill.
  • Fandom: Also who does your hair it's fabulous
  • ------------------
  • Sorry this wasn't as funny. hopefully it's easy to understand, at least.
who should you fight: fe lords ed.
  • Marth: he doesn't want to fight you. don't make him do this. he might not beat you up, but if you win his wifey ( & Merric ) will.
  • Alm: scary. watch out for the bow. you might be able to take him, but he's ruthless enough you should avoid direct confrontation.
  • Celica: not many people know how to use swords & magic without getting a horse first. watch out. she's hiding something.
  • Sigurd: why are you picking fights with a pile of ash, this one's on you 0/10
  • Celice: let's face it, you probably don't know much about him, and if you do, why are you trying to fight him? drop it. move on.
  • Leaf: this man may not be the best fighter, but he can fight FOREVER. do you want that? Leaf chasing you down? eternally? don't do it unless you're sure you can take him.
  • Roy: he may not be the toughest, but his sword is on fire and he can swing it around like a butter knife. fight him, but be careful.
  • Lyn: she is SO FAST. she might not hurt you much, but you won't be able to hit her at all. avoid fighting Lyn.
  • Eliwood: Eliwood is probably fighting you because Hector dared him too. determined, but not especially threatening. you can probably take him as long as he's not on a horse. fight Eliwood, but don't let him use Durandal.
  • Hector: don't fight Hector. If you fight Hector he will keep asking you to fight. You don't want to fight Hector. you can't kill Hector.
  • Ephraim: fight Ephraim. He wants to fight you. he'll win, but he'll be cool about it after and then you'll be bros. if you win, though, you'll regret it.
  • Eirika: Eirika is cool to fight. you may actually win, but if you win, you'll have to deal with Ephraim, so maybe you should just take the L on this one.
  • Ike: don't fight Ike. Ike has fought so much. he's got a sword that shoots lasers. he's got a bunch of friends. you don't want to fight Ike, but he wants to fight you. resist temptation. he'll be a good bro either way.
  • Micaiah: don't fight Micaiah. she doesn't want to fight you. she's much better at healing. if you don't fight you, she'll fix you up after you lose to some one else.
  • Kris: don't fight Kris. if you don't know why not, that's reason enough.
  • Chrom: fight Chrom. he deserves it, and then he'll laugh and take you out to dinner, whether or not you win.
  • Robin: don't fight Robin. Robin is not as cool about losing as Chrom, and has the brains to make up for any flaw they might have. also, they might have Galeforce.
  • Corrin: fight Corrin. they could learn a thing or two about fighting. they won't be mad at you for winning.

anonymous asked:

hello gin!!! your newest update for 'price of a soul' is amazing! can i ask you to talk about all this symbolism in the comic (and also why do you love to hurt us so much with it)

THIS QUESTION MAKES ME SO HAPPY  I’M SCREAMING THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST ANON (actually thank you everyone for your kind asks about TPOAS… THEY ARE THE FIRE IN MY VEINS THANK YOU)

I think the most important thing I wanted to work on this comic is how it is told from Tamashi’s eyes. That’s how I decided to build the characters through the story, for example, what Tamashi sees most is Allen’s face, honest, straightforward, kind, sweet, smiling, always open and welcoming: 

Whereas he doesn’t see Kanda’s face, Kanda is always turned to him. And when he does, it’s from an low angle:

I had fun thinking it would be important that we, as Tamashi, know of Kanda what he does: Kanda is the father he doesn’t know anything of. Intimidating, scary, tall, unreachable, always with his back turned on him. (With his back turned to him, but I guess you wouldn’t offer your back to an enemy). I aim to, gradually, expose Kanda’s features as Tamashi grows confident, making him look more human and less of a jerk than what he does now (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Also have you noticed how everyone bends forward to talk to Tamashi? Or squats down to be at his level? So Tamashi can stare directly at them. It’s a very simple gesture but it’s one that says I’m reducing my world to your perspective because you are as important, which Kanda never does.

The first time I read DGM i had to go through the Alma arc three times to made sure I fully understood Kanda (I keep thinking there are hints of his personality I keep missing, as I do with Allen… DGM is such an amazing artwork) so when I thought of him for this story I wanted to be very careful building the conceptualism around a character that has never forgiven himself and doesn’t want redemption. Can you imagine, you spend your life trying to fulfill a promise of love and then you find out -because you slipped once, only once, you are as human as the rest even if it might not seem so-, that you have a kid you never intended on having, even less with someone you’ll never love maybe not even remember, who kinda looks like Alma when they were kids, who is called Tamashi, who, surprise, is there to bite him in his ass. Tamashi is the perspective of a future Kanda never allowed himself to have and now he’s forced to deal with it (ノ≧∀≦)ノ Good thing Allen is here to be the bridge between present Kanda and past Kanda, Allen you angel  (//▽//)ゞ So, basically, what we see of Kanda is an unforgiving Kanda, intimidating, pretending to not mind when he so clearly does (in the last update with Tamashi sleeping outside of Kanda’s room he spends there looking at the boy how long? Five minutes? Ten? He didn’t awoke Tamashi either, just lets him be. He’s trying to make his way out of this without a fuss but OH YOU WON’T BE SO LUCKY KANDA The denial Is Strong). 

Oh! Also I was very careful with colors and including some… … … … little details (୨୧ ❛ᴗ❛)✧ 

Both panels with the flowers are very important…! they are different types of flowers in different palettes… Allen’s one are somewhat fresh and rainy, so springy, whereas Kanda’s seem to be floating on an abandoned place… Pretty, but isolated (•̀௰•́ ) This is funny because oH WELL SPOILER I GUESS / CRASHES THROUGH THE WINDOW AND FLIES INTO THE SUN

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK REALLY!! 

Shit my Mom says: Shadowhunters 2.08
  • Mom: He's so handsome.
  • Mom: I bet the magic would be stronger if he had his shirt off.
  • Mom: Why does he wear clothes?
  • Mom: He has a really nice voice.
  • Mom: I really enjoyed that episode; I can't wait for the next one.
50% OFF Starters pt 2
  • "If you continue your attempts at flirting, I will be forced to take DRASTIC measures."
  • "I like watching you from behind."
  • "Stunning deduction sherlock."
  • *demonic voice* "by the darkest sun that casts its menacing rays of the furthest madness, we sense your intentions, (name). the gibbering of mad cultists whisper wicked words to temporal winds, they inform us that you are not to be trusted. Usurper. Usurper."
  • "USURPER!"
  • "I've heard a lot about you and your extensive collection of tank tops, like I'm thinking about getting like 10 more."
  • "Calm down little dude."
  • "the fear of drowning is a primal one. it's a feeling of helplessness, of losing all control. struggling against an inevitable fate as your lungs fill with water..."
  • "I don't need a piece of paper to tell me how to swim or how to fuck Dean Winchester."
  • "You know I had a dream like this once, you surprisingly had more clothes on, though, at least at the start."
  • "ten bucks says he dies."
  • "I'm gonna go run my feelings off."
  • "Yeah it didn't work out... for them."
  • "I have to go scream confusing, end-of-the-world ramblings at people under the freeway."
  • "I feel like I should argue this, but the potential for implied sexual antics is far too appealing."
  • "do not be alarmed! I am about to be hilarious."
  • "Maybe you should stop dragging me to these rap battles then!"
  • "I WANT YOU TO SHARE THE THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME!"
  • "I was under the impression there would be implied sexual antics, time to take matters into my own hands!"
  • "This feels a little exploitative."
  • "I need a soda. Or therapy. Probably both."
  • "Yeah it started because K-pop concert security is tougher than it looks but I just got hooked on the feeling of crushing someones face in with a solid right cross."
  • "sHHSHHshhshhhhh shut up shut up! shh I SMELL BOYS BEING GAY."
  • "Excuse me I am trying to scream my feelings into your mouth!"
  • "That wasn't hot... it was just fucking weird..."
  • "It's not what I would have you in, but I do appreciate beauty in all its many forms. mostly that cute booty though."
  • "hey, the heart wants what the heart wants."
  • "It may be hard to believe, but recently I lost the ability to read."
  • "Just because you can't read the words, doesn't mean you can't enjoy the book in a different way."
  • "boom! done. advice over. let's go get shitfaced!"
  • "Alright I brought the bitch-board for (name)."
  • "Alright let's call it what it is, a sissy paddle."
  • "calm down (name) we weren't talking about your internet search history."
  • "MY SWEET BABY SWAM!"
  • "didn't we make a pact to stop her from doing this weeb shit?"
  • "this better not be anymore or (name)'s weird porn!"
  • "Please call the police, because I look so good in this it should be against the law! uh, don't actually call the police though, I WILL incriminate all of you."
  • "Yeah but didn't they train on those islands where all those teenagers were killed? ...and those witch burnings happened? ...and all that toxic waste was spilled?"
  • "if you die, I get fired and I like this job. people don't ask questions here."
  • "fish-men walk among us. conquerers of land, BORN FROM THE OCEAN--"
  • "I don't need him to make weird pornography, I have prawns for that."
  • "Finally moving out, son? I'd like to say it's been fun. I'd like to. But I won't."
  • "hey check me out! I'm on a bout!"
  • "Sit down and stop making 2009 references!"
  • "nah, I scream enough at the unforgiving void of space."
  • "DON'T STEAL MY BONES!"
  • "You know, the ocean goblin? He lives in the ocean and if you don't brush your teeth he steals your bones."
  • "Ok I'm done for the day. If anyone needs me I'm gonna be in the tent looking at weird porn."
  • "Hey, you miss every ball you don't hit."
  • "You say 'you people' like you're not part of the family. I've got some news for you, you're already on the christmas card."
  • "You think these antics would fly at the german club?"
  • "brush your teeth, kid."
  • "Can you hear it? the ocean... it wants blood."
  • "I'm the best damn shot we've got."
  • "You know, when I was a kid, before my dad got hit by that train, he said, '(name) don't let your friends swim out into the ocean and get stranded on the haunted island of camp kill-a-teen.' and here we are... stranded on the... haunted island of camp kill-a-teen..."
  • "that's fair."
  • "hey tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumbass!"
  • "It's fine, baby, if you get scared you can squeeze my hand."
  • "now let's make like scooby-doo and split up to find a clue."
  • "In 1991 a case was discovered where a man had the remains of over fifteen victims hidden in his apartment, over 40% of which were stored within his refrigerator. do you know how unsanitary that is?"
  • "you're so cute when you never shut up. Now shut up."
  • "all hail decision cube!"
  • "that's when you started walking on the wild side, right?"
  • "I AM NOT SOME PETTY CRIMINAL!"
  • "Does anyone want to hear my tragic backstory?"
  • "Bed? But what about possible axe-murderers?"
  • "And we solved the curse of the island, and realized that the real axe murderer was love, all along."
  • "It was a good night for all of us, let's spend more nights in abandoned lighthouses."
  • "That hottie from the track team is here and I wanna ask politely is he wants to get rowdy in the back of my dad's Prius."
  • "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME GAY THOUGHTS"

anonymous asked:

Dr Who but each incarnation is swapped with one of their companions.

omg?? I love it??

The First Doctor: 

She’s not completely unfriendly, exactly, she just doesn’t have time for humans being idiots. In the right circumstances, she can actually be very warm. She loves history, which is lucky because her granddaughter Susan does too (they tell people Susan is her daughter, but even then it’s a bit of a stretch, human ages are weird). Of course, then two of Susan’s teachers follow her home one night, and next thing the Doctor knows she has a crotchety old history teacher and a handsome young science teacher on her spaceship with no way to get rid of them that isn’t morally questionable. 

Whoops? 

The humans help her lose some of her haughtiness. She leaves Susan in the 22nd century to become her own woman. 

Along the way and against her better judgement, she falls hopelessly for Ian Chesterton. He wants to stay with her forever, but she knows it would never work, and encourages him to go with John Foreman in the Dalek Time Machine to get back to his own time. 

Later, in other lives, she checks in on him occasionally. 

The Second Doctor:

The baby face is a problem. It takes a good twenty minutes on a lot of occasions to get anyone to take her seriously. On the bright side, a lot of Polly’s clothes fit her now. 

She finds a best friend in Scotsman Jamie McCrimmon, whose rather naive approach to futuristic technology is extremely refreshing, as is his unique insightfulness. 

After Ben and Polly leave them, they rescue Victoria, who Jamie is utterly taken with. Victoria is unsure about living a life so unsupervised by someone older and won’t listen to the Doctor’s insistence that she is in fact perfectly qualified to look after them all. 

She and Victoria spend a good many nights aboard the TARDIS talking about women’s history and the things to come for women in the future and how women act on other planets. Victoria is fascinated, occasionally horrified, and often quietly thrilled at the things she learns. 

It’s a shame to see her go, but all she ever wanted was a family and security, and the Doctor can’t provide that. 

They meet an eccentric man on a space station, with funny trousers and an obsession with the recorder. The Doctor and Jamie like him instantly, and invite him on board only to learn that the man had been considering stowing away if not invited. 

The Time Lords take her friends away from her. She is forced to regenerate and exiled to Earth, as punishment for her interference. 

The Third Doctor: 

Shrewd, passionately devoted to science, and not one to take kindly to interruptions or anyone trying to talk down to or even disagree with her, it’s a wonder the Doctor even gets hired by UNIT at all. But then again, beggars can’t be choosers. 

On the bright side, this fellow John Smith from Cambridge seems to be the one person around with an actual brain and not just a penchant for attacking first and thinking later. 

They’re friends instantly. Or, they are once she makes it perfectly clear that she is the cleverer of the two. The look on his face when he realises is a memory she’ll treasure forever. 

He eventually leaves to go back to his own research, upon realising she doesn’t need him. 

It’s a shame and she misses him, but then Jo Grant comes into her life. Despite an awful first impression, the two women are soon fiercely devoted to each other. Jo keeps going on about women having to stick together amongst all the army boys, and while the Doctor could usually not care less about gender politics, if it means Jo hangs around her more, then so be it. 

The Master turns up. It’s exhausting and exasperating and oh so much fun

Meanwhile, the Doctor’s told herself to not let herself fall for humans, after how much Ian hurt. But with Jo, it’s impossible not to. (Not that she hasn’t noticed the Brigadier’s lingering stares, or failed to appreciate him in his uniform. But he’s far too professional to ever do anything, and too trigger happy besides.) 

Jo is like sunshine and she’s always there and smiling and pressing herself against the Doctor out of fear or shock, until one day they’re in the supply closet of a spaceship and they’re kissing furiously instead of listening out for their pursuers. 

It’s wonderful, being with Jo. Until Clive Jones comes along, and the Doctor has to tell her to forget about her and marry the nice young man who can grow old with her and give her the life she wants. 

She drinks more champagne than she is proud of that night. 

Luckily, along comes Sarah Jane Smith, who is exactly the kind of human that the Doctor automatically adores. Inquisitive, sharp, and a vocal feminist. What a woman. 

Of course, then giant alien spiders happen, and it’s time for a change.  

The Fourth Doctor:

Or… not. Apparently, she’s doomed to be young, attractive, humanoid, and pale skinned throughout all her lives. There are worse fates, but she wouldn’t mind a little variety, frankly. And being so small is getting infuriating. 

Harry takes a long while to take her seriously, but once he does, he is steadfastly loyal. Sarah Jane takes the regeneration in stride for the most part. 

And after them, Leela, who is so strange and savage but so utterly charming in her honesty. They share a few kisses, but nothing more. 

Then comes Romana. A young Time Lord who looks older than her, is far taller than is sensible, and has an even more absurd grin. She can’t stand him, with his bragging about his grades and thinking he knows everything. 

She soon teaches him that experience wins every time. 

Of course, then he spots some pretty princess on Tara, and next thing she knows, the moment the whole Key To Time mess is sorted, Romana is now a less taller, less ridiculous, utterly beautiful Time Lady in her first regeneration. 

She tries to argue against what she can only consider body theft, or at least copying, but it is a relief to not have to crane her neck up to speak to her companion. 

Romana becomes a most dear friend. She’s missed being around someone like her, someone who understands. It makes it all the worse when she leaves, leaving the Doctor with only Adric and his incessant questions. 

The Fifth Doctor: 

There’s something about this body, a regality, that commands a little more respect than the ones before it, despite it following the pattern of her others. 

Adric’s questions exasperate her, while Tegan’s demands to be taken home are met with gentle requests for patience and promises of Heathrow airport, and this Traken prince she’s picked up is thankfully one of the most polite people she’s ever had in the TARDIS. Decent brain on him, too. 

Tegan’s smile sometimes makes her stomach do backflips. The Doctor ignores it. She’s learned her lesson. It’s almost a relief to see Tegan reach her breaking point and leave, except it isn’t, because for a long while it feels like a part of her is missing. 

Turlough is a curiosity, but a nice one who makes for surprisingly good company in the absence of the others. 

Perpugilliam Brown is a surprise. The Doctor remembers why she has tried to avoid America where possible in her travels. Americans are loud. But in the case of Peri, it involves shouting at the Master, and as such, the Doctor decides that Perpugilliam Brown can stay as long as she likes. 

Between the two of them and soon Erimem, uncrowned Pharaoh of Egypt, they make quite the team.  


The Sixth Doctor:

It’s about time! Finally, a more weathered model. Peri is surprised to say the least, and seems a little disappointed to lose out on her best friend who had until now looked a very similar age to her, but soon realises very little has changed. 

And now she lets the Doctor take care of her a bit better. Thank goodness for that! The maternal instincts in this body are absurdly strong, she has no idea what she would do if she couldn’t express them. 

Now, the borderline narcissistic but quietly lovable history professor she accidentally picks up some time after losing Peri is a trickier matter. Still, at least he shares her love for chocolate cake. 

The Seventh Doctor: 

Bright, bubbly, and able to get most people to like her within ten seconds. Now this is a regeneration she likes. Plus, her most impressive set of lungs yet. Handy, for calling companions who like to wander off. 

She tries to not encourage Ace’s use of explosives, but it’s difficult when she sees how genuinely happy they make the girl. She’s getting soft in her old age, she knows. 

Still, at least her brain makes up for it. She can out-think a computer, easily. The universe is her chessboard and she’ll do whatever the hell she pleases with it. 

The Eighth Doctor: 

She’s a jolly thing. Always keen for adventure, ready to shout at anyone who deserves it, and just wants to have a good time, really. 

After a rather rocky start involving amnesia and kissing the cardiologist who had caused her regeneration in the first place, the Doctor is just minding her own business when she accidentally messes with history. 

It seems that saving this stowaway on the R101 might not have been the best idea after all. But he’s so charming and sweet and genuine, sharing her utter passion for life, that by the time she realises her mistake, she’s not willing to part with him. 

That goes… about as well as one might expect. 

The Ninth Doctor: 

It’s funny, being a weathered old war veteran with a guilty conscience, and simultaneously looking like someone who could be on the front of a magazine. 

Life is hard, after the time war, but she meets a man with big ears and blue eyes and things get better. A lot better. It feels good to smile again. 

The addition of Captain Jack Harkness is an interesting one, but she’s always said the more the merrier. Their other companion is not quite as happy about this development, but before long they’re the best of friends. 

The Tenth Doctor: 

She’s gentler now, somehow. Oh, she has her anger and her snark, and boy does this body have a set of lungs on her. But she’s so much softer, underneath. 

Losing her friends from her last body takes its toll. She at least manages to avoid comparing Martha to them that came before her. Martha is wonderful, always completing even the most impossible tasks that the Doctor puts to her. They part on good terms, after the Master’s ravaging of the Earth. (The Master had not been so impressed with this version of her. He had trouble seeing the strength within, seeing that she was more than the duality of compassion and shouting.) Martha needs to look after her family, and that’s probably for the best. 

And then there’s the skinny idiot in the suit. He actually talks faster than she does, which is absurd, but she wonders if that’s simply because of his questionable family. Perhaps not letting them get a word in is how he survives. 

Either way, they get along like a house on fire. Losing him, wiping his memory and seeing him stare right through her and smile that stupid smile, is almost enough to break her. 

No more companions, she swears. 


The Eleventh Doctor: 

It’s all about fun, now. Impressing the little boy whose garden she crashes in and then impressing him when he’s grown up and has waited 14 years for her. (To hell with her rule about no more companions. Her old self was full of dumb ideas anyway.) 

Oh yes, she likes Rory Williams a lot. And his best friend John isn’t bad either. Mind you, that nose… 

She has her spaceship, and her boys, and life is good. Well, there’s River Song to worry about, but she can never be sure if the archaeologist is more interested in her or John. Just one more mystery, it seems. 

Losing Rory, and then John, is hard. But she knows that they’re happy, and that’s enough. 

The Twelfth Doctor:

Short, bossy, a control freak, and a slight obsession with tartan. Also, her English teacher companion is secretly a rock star wannabe, disguised as a reclusive Scottish nerd. 

What’s a girl to do? 

(Apparently, find out that her best enemy is alive, and now also female. And Scottish like her companion. The first kiss had been… shocking to say the least. The ones after, against her better judgement, decidedly less so.) 

She cares about her companion more than she will ever say, and when faced with losing him, takes things too far. Further than anyone should ever take anything. And when it is all said and done… she can’t remember his face, or his voice, or how he sounded when he mocked how large her eyes were. 

River is there to comfort her, though, in those 24 years on Darillium. 

And then Bill. Brilliant Bill. Oh yes, they make quite the team. And Nardole helps sometimes too. 

Send me an AU and I’ll expand on it! 

deadroses (m)

Word Count: 13,694

Warning: Hoseok smut, violence

A/N: This scenario took me about three months to write, which you can probably guess by looking at the word count. For that reason it has a very special place in my heart, no matter how much effort it cost me to finish it. It turned out a lot darker than my other scenarios, and I tried my best to make this scenario more intellectual for that reason. I really hope the two main characters (you and Hoseok) turned out the way I wanted them to: like real people, with a story and an imperfect personality. -But, without any further ado, enjoy.


“Commander?”

You look up from your shaking hands at the boy sitting next to you. “What now?”

He stares at the graphite floor that shimmers in the dimmed light like the ocean, vibrating with every rock the vehicle hits. “Do you think there’s any chance we’ll succeed? An actual chance?”

You grunt. “I thought you were always so confident about our victory, Jungkook.” With your elbow, you strike his side, to which he responds by moving away from you. His dark eyes are hostile, which is so different from how they have been in times gone by. With a soft chuckle you remember his soft stuttering the first time you made this same move on him, the nervous look in his eyes like that of a deer in the headlights. Those days seem like they are miles away from where you’re standing now, on the edge of the horizon that is your memory.

Keep reading

  • what she says: I'm fine
  • what she means: i can't believe people actually ship nancy with jonathan, because that completely goes against what the writers are trying to do. they set up your basic trope: good girl is trying to be #edgy and is dating your stereotypical "bad boy", and then this "nice guy" comes along and pays attention to her. listen, jonathan is great and all, but i don't trust pretentious creeps that like to take pictures of girls making out with their boyfriends in privacy without anyone's permission. jonathan also tried to put nancy in this box. "you were trying to be someone else." the writers totally destroyed the idea of nancy simply being that straight A student that wants to rebel. she's not dating steve, or drinking, or shooting guns because she thinks she's being "different". she's doing those things because THAT'S WHO SHE IS. you can get straight A's and want to do well in school while also partying and dating a hunk. speaking of the hunk, steve is actually wayyy better for her than jonathan (i mean i'd be happy if nancy decided not to be with anyone but let's be real i'm a total stevexnancy person) and here's why: he paid attention to her, like really noticed things about her. he didn't make fun of who she was in a condescending way, and he also supports her. like, yes, he's problematic in that he has shitty friends and horrible parents (from what we've heard) and while his initial decisions are rude and selfish, he becomes self-aware and tries to make it up to people. i.e., going to jonathan's to try and apologize and buying him a new camera, or coming to nancy to tell her he confessed to the police even though it got him in trouble, or telling his friends where to stick it and then going to help wash off the graffiti. in short, jonathan romanticized this version of nancy that wasn't really all of who she was and people paint him to be this great guy (would you trust a guy that took pictures of you without you knowing, and then only feeling guilty once you found out?) and steve is this beautiful work in progress that wants to understand how nancy works as a person. so basically the fact that the writers didn't leave nancy with jonathan means that they destroyed that basic story line where the "nice girl" leaves the "bad boy" for the "nice guy" and they did it in the best way possible without completely bashing any one character and i just really love this show.
🎶🎶When You Collect Records🎶🎶
  • Hipster: *moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
  • Hipster: Yo, dad!
  • Dad: What?
  • Hipster: We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
  • Dad: There's something you want, isn't there?
  • Hipster: There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
  • Dad: What do you need a record player for?
  • Hipster: My record collection.
  • Dad: I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
  • Hipster: Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
  • Dad: Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
  • Hipster: Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
  • *later at hipster's apartment*
  • Friend: So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • Hipster: That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
  • Friend: New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
  • Hipster: Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
  • Friend: Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
  • Hipster: Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
  • Record Player: *coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
  • Hipster: Uh, that's not Sufjan.
  • Friend: It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
  • Hipster: *stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
  • Friend: Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
  • *days later at the record store*
  • Hipster: Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
  • Store Clerk: Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
  • *hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
  • Store Clerk: What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
  • Hipster: Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
  • Store Clerk: Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
  • Hipster: Hmm, maybe there is.
  • *back at the apartment*
  • Hipster: *turns on record player and just listens*
  • Record Player: ...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
  • Hipster: Can you hear me?
  • Record Player: Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
  • Hipster: *turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
  • Hipster: *listens to the record player for hours*
  • Record Player: Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • Hipster: *keeps listening*
  • Record Player: Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
  • Hipster: *still listening*
  • Record Player: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
  • Hipster: *nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
  • Record Player: ...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
  • Hipster: *backs away in fear*
  • Record Player: HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
  • Hipster: *unplugs record player*
  • Hipster: *gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
  • Record Player: *drips red*
  • Hipster: W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
  • *rotting viscera falls from the record player*
  • Hipster: O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
  • Hipster: *turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: ...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
  • Record Player: *hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
  • Record Player: *tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
  • Hipster: *silently cleans up the mess*
  • *some time later*
  • Hipster: *calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
  • *the next afternoon*
  • Dad: So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
  • Hipster: Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
  • Dad: Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
  • Hipster: I see. Was he ever a doctor?
  • Dad: That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
  • Hipster: Oh, okay then.
  • *some days later*
  • Friend: New carpet?
  • Hipster: Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
  • Friend: That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
  • Hipster: That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
  • Friend: That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
  • Hipster: No.
  • Friend: But you won't have anything to play your records on.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.
÷ Sentence Starters
  • "I was born inside a small town."
  • "Friends and family filled with envy when they should be filled with pride."
  • "And when the world's against me, is when I really come alive."
  • "I need to get in the right mind and clear myself up."
  • "I look in the mirror, questioning what I've become."
  • "I'm well aware of certain things that can destroy a man like me."
  • "I am happy on my own so here I'll stay."
  • "I used to think that nothing could be better than touring the world with my songs."
  • "I chased the picture perfect life, I think they painted it wrong."
  • "I think that money is the route of all evil, and fame is hell."
  • "Ain't nobody want to see you down in the dumps."
  • "You're living your dream and this should be fun."
  • "I beg you don't be disappointed with the man I've become."
  • "I guess you know I've been away."
  • "Where I'm heading, who knows?"
  • "My heart will stay the same."
  • "I was younger then."
  • "I found my heart and broke it here."
  • "I can't wait to go home."
  • "I miss the way you make me feel."
  • "We watched the sunset over the castle on the hill."
  • "Had my first kiss on a Friday night... I don't reckon I did it right."
  • "Maybe I came on too strong."
  • "Maybe I waited too long."
  • "Maybe I played my cards wrong."
  • "Baby I apologise for it."
  • "I've been known to give my all."
  • "Don't call me baby unless you mean it."
  • "Don't tell me you need me if you don't believe it."
  • "So let me know the truth before I dive right into you."
  • "You're a mystery."
  • "I have traveled the world and there's no other girl like you."
  • "What's your history?"
  • "Do you have a tendency to lead some people on? 'Cause I heard you do."
  • "The club isn't the best place to find a lover."
  • "Girl, you know I want your love."
  • "Your love was handmade for somebody like me."
  • "I may be crazy, don't mind me."
  • "Boy, let's not talk too much, grab on my waist and put that body on me."
  • "I'm in love with the shape of you."
  • "We push and pull like a magnet do."
  • "I'm in love with your body."
  • "Now my bedsheets smell like you."
  • "Although my heart is falling, too, I'm in love with your body."
  • "I never knew you were the someone waiting for me."
  • "We were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was."
  • "I will not give you up this time."
  • "Darling, just kiss me slow."
  • "Darling, you look perfect tonight."
  • "Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know."
  • "She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home."
  • "We are still kids, but we're so in love."
  • "I know we'll be alright this time."
  • "Be my girl, I'll be your man."
  • "I see my future in your eyes."
  • "I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight."
  • "I know I have met an angel in person."
  • "You look perfect tonight."
  • "Baby, I just want to dance."
  • "She shared a cigarette with me while her brother played the guitar."
  • "You know she beat me at darts and then she beat me at pool."
  • "She kissed me like there was nobody else in the room."
  • "I was holding her hand, her hand was holding mine."
  • "I swear I'm going to put you in a song that I write."
  • "You look happier."
  • "I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours."
  • "Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you, but ain't nobody love you like I do."
  • "Promise that I will not take it personal if you're moving on with someone new."
  • "You look happier, you do, my friends told me one day I'll feel it, too."
  • "I'll smile to hide the truth, but I know I was happier with you."
  • "Everything's reminding me of you."
  • "You're happier, aren't you?"
  • "I know that there's others that deserve you, but my darling, I am still in love with you."
  • "I know I was happier with you."
  • "I knew one day you'd fall for someone new."
  • "If he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that I'll be waiting here for you."
  • "Tribal tattoos and he don't know what it means."
  • "But I heard he makes you happy so that's fine by me."
  • "I'm just keeping it real."
  • "I'll be trying not to double tap, from way back, cause I know that's where the trouble's at."
  • "Let me remind you of the days when you used to hold my hand and when we sipped champagne."
  • "I guess if you were Lois Lane, I wasn't superman, just a young boy trying to be loved."
  • "If it was meant to be, you wouldn't be calling me up trying to fuck."
  • "I'm positive that he don't wanna know about me."
  • "I know you're missing all this kind of love."
  • "In the back of the club kissing a boy that ain't him."
  • "You're still a young girl trying to be loved."
  • "When you're with him I know you're lonely."
  • "Please, remember you're still free, to make the choice and leave."
  • "She is the sweetest thing that I know."
  • "You should see the way she holds me when the lights go low."
  • "Oh we're in love, aren't we?"
  • "I feel safe when you're holding me near."
  • "Love the way that you conquer your fear."
  • "You know hearts don't break around here."
  • "Spent my summer time beside her, and the rest of the year the same."
  • "She is the lighthouse in the night that will safely guide me home."
  • "I'm not scared of passing over or the thought of growing old, because from now until I go, every night I'll kiss you."
  • "We could change this whole world with a piano."
  • "I'm just a boy with a one-man show."
  • "Love could change the world in a moment."
  • "The revolution's coming, it's a minute away."
  • "I know, I'm all for people following their dreams."
  • "The future's in the hands of you and me."
  • "You are the one, girl."
  • "How would you feel, if I told you I loved you?"
  • "So tell me that you love me, too."
  • "We were sat upon our best friend's roof, I had both of my arms round you, watching the sunrise replace the moon."
  • "We were sitting in a parked car, stealing kisses in the front yard."
  • "I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up."
  • "A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved."
  • "I hope that I see the world as you did."
  • "A life with love is a life that's been lived."
  • "I've got two left feet and a bottle of red wine."
  • "We're going somewhere where the sun is shining bright."
  • "You're like something that God has sent me."
  • "I lost my shoes last night, I don't know where I put my keys."
  • "I get lonely and make mistakes from time to time."
  • "My heart is breaking at the seams and I'm coming apart now."
  • "Always say what's on your mind."
  • "I was twenty four years old when I met the woman I would call my own."
  • "Her daddy said, 'No, you can't marry my daughter.'"
  • "I'm gonna marry the woman I love."
  • "Never had I seen such beauty before."
  • "I never worried about the king and crown."
  • "I gave all my oxygen to people that could breath."
  • "I gave away my money and now we don't even speak."
  • "I drove miles and miles, but would you do the same for me."
  • "Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels."
  • "I drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills."
  • "All the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf."
  • "So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself."
  • "I'm here again, between the devil and the danger."
  • "Before I blame someone else, I've got to save myself."
  • "Before I love someone else, I've got to love myself."
Matthew Daddario Quotes
  • "We call our shoes ‘sneakers,’ right? But they're not really sneaking."
  • "Can't wait till they invent phones with keyboards."
  • "I don't know this guy. He came to hang out so I complimented his hair."
  • "How many artichokes can you eat in one sitting?"
  • "No, go back to my idea!"
  • "Maybe, they'll throw the books out. Just not follow the books anymore."
  • "Hey guys did everyone floss today? You gotta floss every day. Otherwise, your dentist makes you feel bad."
  • "I play piano but I won't call it a talent."
  • "I'm the funniest person in the cast and that's simply because everybody else is so painfully unfunny."
  • "There is literally no memory left in my phone. I took fourteen thousand blue sky photos and I need all of them."
  • "Send him photos of fried chicken and crab cakes."
  • "I have a dentist appt tomorrow. I'm not gonna brush my teeth tonight. Also not going to shower. This is going to be painful for everyone."
  • "You are not trash, you are lovely!"
  • "Don't sign contracts in your blood. It's usually not required by any reputable party."
  • "He's slippin' out his little tongue eating snail treats off the ground."
  • "I will eat anywhere in the house. I'll eat cheese crackers in bed!"
  • "He looks down and sees this wonderful man. He hops down there and smooches that man right on the face. Right in front of everyone."
  • "...it's not fair that he is more handsome than me!!!"
  • "Don't do the hokey pokey around witches."
  • "They're never gonna release the deleted scenes to you guys because they're racy and inappropriate."
  • "This video is going on social media!"
  • "I'm ashamed to admit I lied about the selfies. The phone is 98% cow pictures and I can't delete them. I need a new phone. Forgive me."
  • "Thank god I started sandpapering my feet when I was four."
  • "Is Alec appreciating at an increased rate because of an increase in demand? Or is it the same rate as before."
  • "Note, some alpaca do not appreciate head pats."
  • "If humans lived in barns, we'd be smelly, too."
  • "Had to delete all my cow photos to make room for selfies, so I will say 'I appreciate you, cows.'"
  • "Wow. It's spelled Gollum. Wow. So disappointed. Hiding my own cell phone for the next two weeks."
  • "You're a little kitty cat. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy kitty cat, kitty cat."
  • "Sometimes when I travel between dimensions, I think, man, I should really buy a sailboat."
  • "If I was running for President, my VP would be a well trained golden retriever."
  • "Who's not going to watch Hamlet in space? I mean, Space Hamlet!"
  • "I just think we should all acknowledge what is awesome about Harry!"
  • "I like eating food after dark."
  • "Generally, people avoid kissing their sister in a healthy life."
  • "If you don't like my zebra leggings, it's because you just don't understand zebra leggings."
  • "I think we should provide more showers for cows."
  • "If I'm having a bad day, I eat pizza."
  • "I hope Google uses the same algorithm to encrypt my email as my pocket does to tie knots with my headphones."
  • "I would own a farm. Not like growing crops but maybe have a few animals like cows, and maybe an alpaca or a llama. I would chop wood all day."
  • "Dog. #dog. Dog. Dog."
  • "Had fun tweeting with/at you guys. Phone is about to die. Gonna go get more double-A batteries."
  • "The jackhammer has been joined by his friend, the concrete saw. Rare that you get two music legends right outside your window like this."
  • "Interdimensional cat smuggling is severely punished. But you can make a killing on the black cat market."
  • "You should just give up on me like I did. So done with me right now I can't even."
  • "What am I fan of? No one's ever asked me this before! Oh man."
  • "I don't know why they say that. I think they're poking fun at me."
  • "Congrats. You deserve that sailboat."
  • "I don't know. I don't have any pet peeve. Yapping little dogs, I guess. Buttons that don't go up right."
  • "Donkeys look like rabbit horses."
  • "Everyone is all, 'follow your heart.' If that worked I'd be watching Shadowhunters in my spaceship."
  • "Am I making this up?"
  • "I don't condone it, but I understand it, and therefore, I will not pass judgment on it."
  • "I can eat a pound of pork rinds."
  • "I am your bird king!"
  • "Baby pigs or baby cows? They're both good options."
  • "I have deleted a single photo from my phone. I have room for one selfie. Living on the edge. If it happens, no second chances."
  • "She gets it at a Shadowhunter tailor where we get all our stuff. Are you serious?"
  • "My cell phone is not the most important thing in my life. It just feels that way."
  • "Kill her immediately. Problem solved."
  • "You're not me? Most people aren't, in my experience."
  • "Man I've spent a whole year talking about sailboats and I could have just jumped on this SHIP."
  • "Reminder not to cite 'game of thrones' as my motivation for getting into politics."
  • "To all the people who threaten to punch me in the face... Do I have to be concerned or is that a love thing?"
  • "Put this on?! Fit it on my body?!"
  • "I’m going to shave today. Nobody will recognize me and I’ll have to reintroduce myself to all my friends."
  • "Don't get me started on this question."
  • "Okay, quick question. What does it mean when someone says they are your 'trash?' Asking for a friend..."
  • "Wait, 'SexyBack' is by Justin Timberlake?"
  • "Everyone's smooching everyone and Alec just wants to do his job. That's why he's the best and deserves a big smooch."
exo shitpost #2: exo at the carnival
  • junmyeon: alright assholes go wild
  • chanyeol: hoo boy i'm going to win me some prizes
  • baekhyun: you suck ass at everything what could you possibly win
  • chanyeol: that thing with the hammer
  • sehun: your arms are two limp noodles lmao
  • chanyeol: fuck you
  • luhan: your weak ass can't even get it past the halfway mark
  • chanyeol: i don't deserve this verbal abuse you try it
  • luhan: what. the fuck.
  • luhan: it doesn't work
  • sehun: excuses are for the cheap
  • luhan: this is bullshit, this game is rigged, and we are going home
  • -
  • yifan: ok junmyeon let us get wild
  • junmyeon: would you fuck off i will not ride a roller coaster
  • yifan: why
  • junmyeon: because i may shit myself
  • junmyeon: but also because i don't want to be seen next to your crusty ass
  • yifan: why did i ever love you
  • -
  • jongdae: fuck yes corndogs
  • kai: holy shit kyungsoo take it slow
  • kyungsoo: i am a hungry bitch today don't speak to me
  • jongdae: did you really just inhale that entire corndog
  • kyungsoo: it's not that big
  • kai: i can personally assure you he's seen bigger
  • jongdae: wow kyungsoo, king of the dick
  • kyungsoo: if you don't shut up right now i might eat you
  • -
  • zitao: fuck i lost my watch, i must have left it on the ferris wheel
  • minseok: you irresponsible fuck what did i tell you about leaving your goddamn shit everywhere
  • zitao: here, take my ice cream and put it on your tits because you need to chill
  • minseok: /rubbing nosebridge/ how much did that stupid thing cost
  • zitao: it was gucci
  • minseok: i just pissed my pants
  • zitao: relax jethro i have like ten more at home
  • minseok: what
  • zitao: eleven including the one i gave to candy
  • minseok: you have eleven gucci watches, one of which is for your dog, and you still gave me a fucking slurpee for my birthday
  • zitao: at least it was a jumbo size
  • minseok: you're dead to me
  • -
  • yixing: life is fantastic
  • kyungsoo: you're a cheery mf today aren't you
  • yixing: why are you so pessimistic, go inhale another corndog
  • kyungsoo: i can't eat too many, i'm corn intolerant
  • yixing: that's not a thing
  • kyungsoo: i'm also mildly allergic to dogs
  • yixing: that's,,,, not how it works
  • luhan: don't bother this is from the same guy who didn't know how dna works
  • kyungsoo: no more kimchi spaghetti for you
  • -
  • sehun: cotton candy BITCH
  • chanyeol: this is your fifth one, stop it
  • sehun: i am in love with this shit
  • chanyeol: diabetes says hello
  • sehun: i might dye vivi this colour
  • chanyeol: what the fuck she's not an easter egg
  • sehun: doggosthetic
  • chanyeol: s e h u n that's abuse pLEASE DON’T DO THAT
  • -
  • yifan: aw fuck
  • junmyeon: what now you overgrown baby
  • yifan: i'm too tall for the bumpercars
  • junmyeon: too bad
  • yifan: this is no fair
  • junmyeon: go ride something else you ingrate
  • yifan: that's it i'm putting you on the death drop
  • junmyeon: you better freaking not
  • yifan: hi yes one ticket for the death drop
  • junmyeon: nonononono im sure i don't meet your height requirement eheheh
  • yifan: don't worry dear, they have seats for shrimps like you!
  • junmyeon: WU YI FAN YoU fUckeR
  • yifan: enjoy bitchy!!
  • junmyeon: YoU haVe a laWSUiT oN YoUR handS
  • -
  • baekhyun: OFF TO THE HOUSE OF MIRRORS WE GO
  • jongin: i love the fact that i still look hot in all of these
  • jongdae: hey baekhyun this mirror's got me looking just like you
  • baekhyun: how so?
  • jongdae: makes me look ugly as shit
  • jongin: im piSSing
  • baekyun: this kind of commentary is the reason no one loves you
  • -
  • luhan: haunted house, leggo
  • zitao: fuck this shit i'm out
  • minseok: nah i'm in let's do it
  • yixing: zitao i'll protect you
  • zitao: too late i'm already crying
  • minseok: oh ShiT i am Spooked
  • zitao: AHAHADSHJF UHUHUHUH WAHHDHJFF
  • luhan: his soul has left him
  • yixing: you made it taozi, i’m proud of you
  • zitao: thanks yixing, the only thing that helped me through it was the fact that those goblins back there kinda resembled you and it was really funny
  • yixing: wow, this is basically bullying!
  • -
  • junmyeon: well boys, it's been fun
  • kyungsoo: no it has not
  • junmyeon: but we must head back to hell
  • yifan: he means home
  • junmyeon: trust me, i mean hell
Guardians of the Galaxy Roleplay Sentence Starters
  • "You'll die! Why are you doing this? Why?"
  • "Well that's just as fascinating as the first 89 times you told me that."
  • "Well I tell you what, that's gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud."
  • " I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you've accepted me despite my blunders. It is good to once again be among friends."
  • "This dumb tree is also my friend."
  • "I have lived most of my life surrounded my enemies. I will be grateful to die among my friends."
  • "Aww, what the hell, I don't got that long a lifespan anyway... "
  • "Well now I'm standing. Happy? We're all standing now. Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle."
  • "We've already established that you destroying the ship I'm on is not saving me!"
  • "That is the most real, authentic, hysterical laugh of my entire life."
  • "Finger on throat means death!"
  • "They got my dick message."
  • "His people are completely literal. Metaphors go over his head."
  • "That dude there. I need his prosthetic leg. "
  • "God knows I don't need the rest of him. Look at him. He's useless."
  • "Well, supposedly, these bald bodies find you attractive, so maybe you could work out some sort of trade."
  • "That's for if things get really hardcore. Or if you wanna blow up moons."
  • "You just wanna suck the joy out of everything."
  • "Who put the sticks up their butts?"
  • "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
  • "Fine, but I can't promise when all of this is over I'm not going to kill every last one of you jerks."
  • "See, this is exactly why none of you have any friends!"
  • "Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting."
  • "You got issues."
  • "He thinks I'm some stupid thing! He does!"
  • " I didn't ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over and turned into some little monster!"
  • "When I look around, you know what I see? Losers."
  • "You're an imbecile."
  • "I can't believe I got taken down by a raccoon."
  • "Raccoon? What's a raccoon?"
  • "Ain't no thing like me, except me!"
  • "We're just like Kevin Bacon."
  • "I live for the simple things... like how much this is going to hurt!"
  • "Dance-off, bro. Me and you."
  • "I like your knife, I'm keeping it."
  • "Oh, I was just kidding about the leg. I just need these two things."
  • "He said that he may be an... a-hole. But he's not, and I quote, 100% a dick".
  • "Well, I don't know if I believe anyone is 100% a dick."
  • "Let's see if you can laugh after five or six good shots in your freakin' face!"
  • "Creepy little beast!"
  • "I don't learn. One of my issues."
  • "Look at this thing. It thinks it's so cool. It's not cool to ask for help! Walk by yourself, you little gargoyle!"
  • "Hooked on a Feeling, Blue Swede! That song belongs to me!"
  • "Hold on a second, you're being serious right now?"
  • "I can't believe I'm taking orders from a hamster."
  • "You're a good looking girl. You should try to be more nice to people."
Naruto x alcohol headcanons
  • also known as "get none_kitten's headcanons away from me asap"
  • Naruto: yells a lot, hugs everyone and gives smoochy cheek kisses. even to Kakashi. never let him drink again. probably would light a trashcan on fire. is oblivious to anyone flirting with him, to a point where it's painful to watch.
  • Sakura: Tsunade 2.0, now with upgraded damage.
  • Sai: blushes a lot, suddenly he doesn't fuck up human conversation, but also has a horrible headache and pukes halfway.
  • Sasuke: snark level 527383106
  • Shikamaru: suddenly blurts out ALL the random facts. hey did you know the Eiffel tower was shorter in winter?
  • Ino: flirts with and teases every-fucking-one around the table (or town), but doesn't really follow through.
  • Chouji: cheap-ass drunk food, probably pizza from the shadiest street food place? gimmmeeeee
  • Hinata: wow she speaks a lot. probably about serious literature and poetry. also is really pretty with the blush and shiny eyes she's got going on.
  • Shino: deems the entire thing illogical but gets ass-drunk anyways, starts up conversation with the local flora and fauna (and by this i mean that at one point he was probably hugging a decorative ficus) then leaves without a word to go sleep.
  • Kiba: challenges Naruto in yelling matches, pisses off the balcony, ends up snuggling with Akamaru, hanging half off the beer-stained couch.
  • Neji: super cute, probably would look amazing in a flower crown, is a huge flirt but never notices he's doing it, all the while he keeps swaying from one foot to the other. string of broken hearts left behind? check. does he remember it in the morning? nah, son
  • Tenten: takes interest in the butcher knives in the kitchen, and gives murderous glances to anyone who tries to chat her up. takes care of Neji though, when he can't walk anymore, and pretends not to know Lee.
  • Lee: accidentally drop-kicks someone off the balcony, because THE POWER OF YOUTH CAN'T BE CONTAINED!!!!
  • Gai: rants about the Springtime of Youth for about two and a half beers, then falls asleep on the table because he's getting to old for this, dammit
  • Kakashi: plays bored for half the evening, flirts with everyone the other half (and by flirting i mean he's the sassiest bitch in town and takes home whomever lasts the longest). has a pretty pink blush on the visible half of his face. probably made Sharingan jokes along the evening.
  • Asuma: out smoking the whole time, rolling his eyes as people keep asking him for "just one cigarette, mate". when he - occasionally - shows face inside, he keeps eyeing Kurenai in a definite leer.
  • Kurenai: tries way too hard to ignore Asuma's stares. ends up getting a ride home in Asuma's car. probably tries to convince Kiba at least twice to go home already and sleep it off.
  • Anko: starts telling more and more disturbing jokes and cackles madly.
  • Ibiki: facepalms endlessly because Anko also has a vine-like grip on his arm and clings on. painfully.
  • Yamato: drunken rants. so many of them. 90% of it is probably vegan activism.
  • Kotetsu and Izumo: making out in a corner. from all that's showing, they could pass a) as teenagers in love b) as they're currently having hot hot steamy sex c) they morphed into one being with too many limbs and hair d) all of the above
  • Iruka: blushes. blushes a lovely shade of deep red only lobsters have.
  • Jiraiya: there's a line forming to slam-dunk his face into the toilet. a line of very angry women.
  • ps: there's a private Hokage party upstairs where Hashirama is acting like a child, Tobirama is more done than Ibiki and Kakashi combined, Hiruzen chuckles good-naturedly over a cup of fine sake, and Minato has a drunken flush on his face as he stares starry-eyed into nowhere.
when they tip nicely
  • Cashier: I should've never taken this shift. Working this late is fucking me up.
  • Cook: You get used to it.
  • Cashier: Do y'all even get customers this late, or is it early? I can't even tell at this point.
  • Cook: Sometimes.
  • Cashier: What kind of person even eats fast food at this time of night?
  • Cook: Mostly travelers, junkies, and such.
  • Cashier: Makes sense.
  • Disheveled dude: *presses face against the restaurant window*
  • Cashier: Eugh!
  • Cook: What's the matter?
  • Cashier: There's some gross dude outside. Oh no, he's coming in.
  • Disheveled dude: *runs into the restaurant carrying a suitcase*
  • Cashier: Hello, can I help you?
  • Disheveled dude: Yeah, yeah, let me get a burger. Large drink. Yeah, that's it.
  • Cashier: This is a Mexican restaurant, sir. We don't have burgers.
  • Disheveled dude: Just get me anything with a lot of meat.
  • Cashier: We need a triple stuffed burrito!
  • Cook: Got ya!
  • Cashier: Okay, that'll be $7.99.
  • Disheveled dude: *slams a wad of cash on the counter*
  • Cashier: This is like... thousands of dollars!
  • Disheveled dude: Keep the change.
  • Cashier: I, uhm... are you sure?
  • Disheveled dude: I just want my food. Make it fast, please. Thank you.
  • Cashier: *stuffing cash into their pockets* Got ya, dude. Hey, make it quick! This guy wants his burrito!
  • *the cook quickly finishes the burrito*
  • Disheveled dude: *aggressively devours his food, sometimes nervously looking over his shoulder*
  • Cashier: He's like one of those professional eaters. That's impressive.
  • Cook: It's disgusting. That burrito has like 1500 calories.
  • Cashier: I'll call anyone who hands me three months worth of checks for a single burrito impressive.
  • Cook: Yeah, about that... could I get some of that cash.
  • Cashier: I mean, a bit. He told me to keep the change.
  • Cook: Technically it's the restaurants money, so you shouldn't be taking any of it.
  • Cashier: Yeah.
  • Cook: Plus, I cooked the burrito.
  • Cashier: Alright, how about $500?
  • Cook: Only $500? Come on, man. You've got at least $10,000 there. Let's split it.
  • Disheveled dude: *hops the counter*
  • Cashier: *backs away*
  • Cook: Whoa, dude, you can't be back here.
  • Disheveled dude: I need to leave through the back. You guys, closing soon?
  • Cook: I don't know what you're on, dude, but the back is for employee's only.
  • Disheveled dude: *opens suitcase and tosses wads of cash at the cashier and cook* Extra tip gives me VIP status.
  • Cook: Uhm... sure thing.
  • Disheveled dude: Anyway, I don't know if you guys are closing soon, but it's in your best interest for both of you to leave. I've probably given you enough money to relax for a year so it doesn't matter if you get fired. Just listen to me. Fucking leave and definitely do not look back. *runs out the back door*
  • Cashier: This is so much fucking money. Was that guy a drug dealer?
  • Cook: Probably, now that I think about it, yeah.
  • Cashier: Holy fuck! Is it safe for use to have this money.
  • Cook: I don't don't know.
  • Cashier: I could buy my own house with this, holy fuck! *stuff money down shirt* I don't know about you, but I'm out of here.
  • Cook: What!? You know we really can't leave with all this money, right?
  • Cashier: We can, and I am.
  • Cook: This could be drug money, or money from a bank heist. If we're caught with this stuff we could go to prison, or be killed.
  • Cashier: You didn't seem worried about it when you were hounding me for money just a few minutes ago.
  • Cook: That was then, and this is now. Nobody just gives money out like that unless there's something seriously wrong. It's dangerous for us to keep it.
  • Cashier: My life is going nowhere fast, man. I've got nothing to lose.
  • Cook: Well, I've got family at home. I'm calling the police.
  • Cashier: You do you, man. I'm out of here. *runs off*
  • Cook: *dials the 911, but gets a busy signal* What?
  • Cashier: *yells*
  • Cook: What's wrong!? *runs to the cashier*
  • Cashier: *sitting on the ground, money dropped everywhere* Look. Outside, there's nothing. Like, literally nothing. It's just an empty void.
  • Cook: I... it has to be some sort of trick of the light. I'm going out there.
  • Cashier: You shouldn't.
  • Cook: I bet it's nothing. I'll show you. I'll be right back. *disappears entirely into the void*
  • Cashier: Hey! Hey! Are you out there!?
  • *a pale hand appears out of the darkness and gently beckons for the cashier*
  • Cashier: *slams door shut* NOPE!
  • Cashier: *runs to the front counter*
  • Cashier: *is greeted by an all encompassing wall of blackness*
  • Wall: *encroaches on the cashier*
  • Cashier: *attempts to run away, but gray arms emerge from the darkness and wrap themselves around them*
  • Cook: *decapitated head rolls out of the wall of darkness, its eyes spinning in opposite directions* Told you that was bad money, dude.
  • Cashier: *screams as they're pulled into the darkness*
  • *elsewhere*
  • Driver: *parked on the side of the road smoking*
  • Disheveled guy: *taps on car window*
  • Driver: *slightly rolls down the window* Can I fucking help you?
  • Disheveled guy: I need a ride.
  • Driver: Let me think about that. Hmm, FUCK NO!
  • Disheveled guy: *points gun at driver* Then I'll drive myself. Get out.
  • Driver: *obeys orders* Alright, don't shoot.
  • Disheveled guy: *tosses wad of cash at driver* That should cover the cost of a new car. I suggest you catch a bus and get out of here as soon as possible. *speeds off*
  • Driver: *looks at the fraction of a fortune that was just tossed at him* This is way too much money for a bus.
The Accidental Kiss part 1
  • Riley and Farkle are standing by their lockers.
  • Riley: So, will you help me study for the biology test?
  • Farkle: Sure. When?
  • Riley: Tonight, around 7, at Topanga's.
  • Farkle: Sounds like a plan.
  • Riley: Thanks.
  • Farkle: No problem.
  • The bell rings.
  • Farkle: I have to go. I don't want to be late again.
  • Farkle hugs Riley. Then he gives her a quick peck on the lips and walks to his class. Riley stands there in disbelief. Farkle arrives in his science class and sits down. He takes out his work and then it hits him.
  • Farkle: (screams) What have I done?
  • The whole class stares at him.
  • Meanwhile Riley is still standing in the hallway. The bell rings again. Maya walks up to Riley. She waves her hand in front of her face. Riley doesn't blink.
  • Maya: Honey, what's wrong?
  • Riley snaps out of it.
  • Riley: I think Farkle just kissed me.
  • Maya: You think? You don't know.
  • Riley: It happened so fast. He definitely caught me by surprise.
  • Maya: I know I'm going to regret asking this, but was the kiss good?
  • Riley: (smiles) That's the thing. The kiss was great.
  • Maya: Then, what's the problem?
  • Riley: I don't know where we stand. Was it a one time kiss? Are we dating? Are we friends who kiss? What are we? I want to know.
  • Maya: You and Farkle need to talk about this.
  • Riley: Why is life complicated?
  • Maya: I don't know honey. Let's go to class.
  • They walk to their classroom.
  • Cafeteria.
  • Farkle, Lucas, and Zay are sitting together. Lucas and Zay are talking. Farkle is distracted. Lucas notices.
  • Lucas: What's wrong?
  • Farkle: Nothing.
  • Zay: Something's off. Tell us.
  • Farkle: It's complicated.
  • Meanwhile Riley and Maya walk in the cafeteria. Riley sees Farkle.
  • Maya: Talk to him.
  • Riley: I don't know if I can. Can't I pretend the kiss didn't happen?
  • Maya: No.
  • Riley: You talk to him for me.
  • Maya: No.
  • Riley: I forgot. I have to talk to my dad about history homework.
  • Maya: We have no homework.
  • Riley: It's a different kind of homework.
  • Maya pushes Riley to Farkle's table. Farkle tenses up when he sees Riley.
  • Maya: Look Riley, it's Farkle. Isn't there something you wanted to say to him?
  • Riley nods her head.
  • Maya: Then say it.
  • Riley: (To Farkle) Hi.
  • Farkle: (To Riley) Hi.
  • Riley: (To Lucas) Hi.
  • Lucas: (To Riley) Hi.
  • Riley: (To Zay) Hi.
  • Zay: (To Riley) Hi.
  • Farkle: (To Maya) Hi.
  • Maya: Not doing it.
  • Riley: Gotta go.
  • Riley starts leaving when Maya grabs her.
  • Maya: No. You sit down and talk to Farkle. Lucas, Zay, and I will eat lunch at a different table. I'm watching you two. You are not leaving until you talk about this kiss.
  • Zay: What?
  • Maya: I'll tell you about it later. (Looks at Riley and Farkle) Talk.
  • Maya, Lucas and Zay leave the table. Riley and Farkle stare at each other.
  • Riley: So....
  • Farkle: So...
  • Riley: I have to go to the thing with the thing.
  • Farkle: So do I.
  • Riley: I'm glad we talked.
  • Farkle: Me too.
  • Riley: Bye.
  • Farkle: Bye.
  • They take off.
  • Maya: You got to be kidding me!
  • Lucas: What do we do now?
  • Maya: It's time for us to intervene.
  • Zay: How?
  • Maya: I have a idea.
  • To be continued...