like can't he have this one thing that's not about that

  • Friend: So why do you read all these books?
  • Me: ...
  • Thomas Cresswell: “I refuse to believe you've misinterpreted my affections. I am wholly in love with you. And it is permanent.”
  • Jamie Fraser: “Only you," he said, so softly I could barely hear him. "To worship ye with my body, give ye all the service of my hands. To give ye my name, and all my heart and soul with it. Only you. Because ye will not let me lie--and yet ye love me.”
  • Rhysand: "And if I had not met my mate..." His words failed him as silver lined his eyes. He said down the bond, "I would have waited five hundred more years for you. A thousand years. And if this was all the time we were allowed to have... The wait was worth it."
  • Cassian: “I have no regrets in my life, but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta. I will find you in the next world - the next life. And we will have that time. I promise.”
  • Rowan Whitethorn: “I missed you, When I was in Wendlyn. I lied when I said I didn’t. From the moment you left, I missed you so much I went out of my mind. I was glad for the excuse to track Lorcan here, just to see you again. And tonight, when he had that knife at your throat …I kept thinking about how you might never know that I missed you with only an ocean between us. But if it was death separating us … I would find you. I don’t care how many rules it would break. Even if I had to get all three keys myself and open a gate, I would find you again. Always."
  • Aaron Warner: ”I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head. I want to be that kind of friend,“ he says. "The one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every curve, every freckle, every shiver of your body, Juliette-”
  • Gabriel Emerson: “When I told you that I was intending to worship you with my body, I meant it. With all my heart. I will never take from you. I will only give. In my bed and outside of it.”
  • Luka Tolsaia: “Because you belong to me, Kisa. You always have.” Luka’s face thawed and he pointed at my eye, then his left. “You’re a part of me, remember? God put a piece of you within me so when we were born, everyone would know we matched.”
  • River 'Styx' Nash: “I t-tried to stay away, do the right thing. B-because I ain't no good for you. But f*uck, I want you so b-bad I feel like I- I c-can't breathe. Can't p-push you away n-no more. Need to have you c-close.”
  • Romeo Prince: “My body recognizes you as something that's good for me. My mind recognizes you as someone who's right for me, and my soul recognizes you as someone who is meant for me.”
  • Kaz Brekker: “I would have come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together-knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting.”
  • Daemon Black: “Kat. I broke every rule of my kind to heal you and keep you with me. I … burned down an entire city to keep you safe. I’ve killed for you. Did you think I’d forget what you mean to me? That anything in this world— in any world— would be stronger than my love for you?”
  • Me: ...the plots are really good.
50% OFF Starters pt 2
  • "If you continue your attempts at flirting, I will be forced to take DRASTIC measures."
  • "I like watching you from behind."
  • "Stunning deduction sherlock."
  • *demonic voice* "by the darkest sun that casts its menacing rays of the furthest madness, we sense your intentions, (name). the gibbering of mad cultists whisper wicked words to temporal winds, they inform us that you are not to be trusted. Usurper. Usurper."
  • "USURPER!"
  • "I've heard a lot about you and your extensive collection of tank tops, like I'm thinking about getting like 10 more."
  • "Calm down little dude."
  • "the fear of drowning is a primal one. it's a feeling of helplessness, of losing all control. struggling against an inevitable fate as your lungs fill with water..."
  • "I don't need a piece of paper to tell me how to swim or how to fuck Dean Winchester."
  • "You know I had a dream like this once, you surprisingly had more clothes on, though, at least at the start."
  • "ten bucks says he dies."
  • "I'm gonna go run my feelings off."
  • "Yeah it didn't work out... for them."
  • "I have to go scream confusing, end-of-the-world ramblings at people under the freeway."
  • "I feel like I should argue this, but the potential for implied sexual antics is far too appealing."
  • "do not be alarmed! I am about to be hilarious."
  • "Maybe you should stop dragging me to these rap battles then!"
  • "I WANT YOU TO SHARE THE THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME!"
  • "I was under the impression there would be implied sexual antics, time to take matters into my own hands!"
  • "This feels a little exploitative."
  • "I need a soda. Or therapy. Probably both."
  • "Yeah it started because K-pop concert security is tougher than it looks but I just got hooked on the feeling of crushing someones face in with a solid right cross."
  • "sHHSHHshhshhhhh shut up shut up! shh I SMELL BOYS BEING GAY."
  • "Excuse me I am trying to scream my feelings into your mouth!"
  • "That wasn't hot... it was just fucking weird..."
  • "It's not what I would have you in, but I do appreciate beauty in all its many forms. mostly that cute booty though."
  • "hey, the heart wants what the heart wants."
  • "It may be hard to believe, but recently I lost the ability to read."
  • "Just because you can't read the words, doesn't mean you can't enjoy the book in a different way."
  • "boom! done. advice over. let's go get shitfaced!"
  • "Alright I brought the bitch-board for (name)."
  • "Alright let's call it what it is, a sissy paddle."
  • "calm down (name) we weren't talking about your internet search history."
  • "MY SWEET BABY SWAM!"
  • "didn't we make a pact to stop her from doing this weeb shit?"
  • "this better not be anymore or (name)'s weird porn!"
  • "Please call the police, because I look so good in this it should be against the law! uh, don't actually call the police though, I WILL incriminate all of you."
  • "Yeah but didn't they train on those islands where all those teenagers were killed? ...and those witch burnings happened? ...and all that toxic waste was spilled?"
  • "if you die, I get fired and I like this job. people don't ask questions here."
  • "fish-men walk among us. conquerers of land, BORN FROM THE OCEAN--"
  • "I don't need him to make weird pornography, I have prawns for that."
  • "Finally moving out, son? I'd like to say it's been fun. I'd like to. But I won't."
  • "hey check me out! I'm on a bout!"
  • "Sit down and stop making 2009 references!"
  • "nah, I scream enough at the unforgiving void of space."
  • "DON'T STEAL MY BONES!"
  • "You know, the ocean goblin? He lives in the ocean and if you don't brush your teeth he steals your bones."
  • "Ok I'm done for the day. If anyone needs me I'm gonna be in the tent looking at weird porn."
  • "Hey, you miss every ball you don't hit."
  • "You say 'you people' like you're not part of the family. I've got some news for you, you're already on the christmas card."
  • "You think these antics would fly at the german club?"
  • "brush your teeth, kid."
  • "Can you hear it? the ocean... it wants blood."
  • "I'm the best damn shot we've got."
  • "You know, when I was a kid, before my dad got hit by that train, he said, '(name) don't let your friends swim out into the ocean and get stranded on the haunted island of camp kill-a-teen.' and here we are... stranded on the... haunted island of camp kill-a-teen..."
  • "that's fair."
  • "hey tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumbass!"
  • "It's fine, baby, if you get scared you can squeeze my hand."
  • "now let's make like scooby-doo and split up to find a clue."
  • "In 1991 a case was discovered where a man had the remains of over fifteen victims hidden in his apartment, over 40% of which were stored within his refrigerator. do you know how unsanitary that is?"
  • "you're so cute when you never shut up. Now shut up."
  • "all hail decision cube!"
  • "that's when you started walking on the wild side, right?"
  • "I AM NOT SOME PETTY CRIMINAL!"
  • "Does anyone want to hear my tragic backstory?"
  • "Bed? But what about possible axe-murderers?"
  • "And we solved the curse of the island, and realized that the real axe murderer was love, all along."
  • "It was a good night for all of us, let's spend more nights in abandoned lighthouses."
  • "That hottie from the track team is here and I wanna ask politely is he wants to get rowdy in the back of my dad's Prius."
  • "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME GAY THOUGHTS"
🎶🎶When You Collect Records🎶🎶
  • Hipster: *moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
  • Hipster: Yo, dad!
  • Dad: What?
  • Hipster: We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
  • Dad: There's something you want, isn't there?
  • Hipster: There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
  • Dad: What do you need a record player for?
  • Hipster: My record collection.
  • Dad: I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
  • Hipster: Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
  • Dad: Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
  • Hipster: Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
  • *later at hipster's apartment*
  • Friend: So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • Hipster: That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
  • Friend: New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
  • Hipster: Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
  • Friend: Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
  • Hipster: Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
  • Record Player: *coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
  • Hipster: Uh, that's not Sufjan.
  • Friend: It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
  • Hipster: *stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
  • Friend: Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
  • *days later at the record store*
  • Hipster: Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
  • Store Clerk: Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
  • *hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
  • Store Clerk: What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
  • Hipster: Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
  • Store Clerk: Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
  • Hipster: Hmm, maybe there is.
  • *back at the apartment*
  • Hipster: *turns on record player and just listens*
  • Record Player: ...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
  • Hipster: Can you hear me?
  • Record Player: Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
  • Hipster: *turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
  • Hipster: *listens to the record player for hours*
  • Record Player: Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • Hipster: *keeps listening*
  • Record Player: Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
  • Hipster: *still listening*
  • Record Player: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
  • Hipster: *nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
  • Record Player: ...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
  • Hipster: *backs away in fear*
  • Record Player: HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
  • Hipster: *unplugs record player*
  • Hipster: *gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
  • Record Player: *drips red*
  • Hipster: W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
  • *rotting viscera falls from the record player*
  • Hipster: O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
  • Hipster: *turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: ...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
  • Record Player: *hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
  • Record Player: *tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
  • Hipster: *silently cleans up the mess*
  • *some time later*
  • Hipster: *calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
  • *the next afternoon*
  • Dad: So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
  • Hipster: Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
  • Dad: Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
  • Hipster: I see. Was he ever a doctor?
  • Dad: That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
  • Hipster: Oh, okay then.
  • *some days later*
  • Friend: New carpet?
  • Hipster: Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
  • Friend: That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
  • Hipster: That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
  • Friend: That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
  • Hipster: No.
  • Friend: But you won't have anything to play your records on.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.
  • what she says: I'm fine
  • what she means: i can't believe people actually ship nancy with jonathan, because that completely goes against what the writers are trying to do. they set up your basic trope: good girl is trying to be #edgy and is dating your stereotypical "bad boy", and then this "nice guy" comes along and pays attention to her. listen, jonathan is great and all, but i don't trust pretentious creeps that like to take pictures of girls making out with their boyfriends in privacy without anyone's permission. jonathan also tried to put nancy in this box. "you were trying to be someone else." the writers totally destroyed the idea of nancy simply being that straight A student that wants to rebel. she's not dating steve, or drinking, or shooting guns because she thinks she's being "different". she's doing those things because THAT'S WHO SHE IS. you can get straight A's and want to do well in school while also partying and dating a hunk. speaking of the hunk, steve is actually wayyy better for her than jonathan (i mean i'd be happy if nancy decided not to be with anyone but let's be real i'm a total stevexnancy person) and here's why: he paid attention to her, like really noticed things about her. he didn't make fun of who she was in a condescending way, and he also supports her. like, yes, he's problematic in that he has shitty friends and horrible parents (from what we've heard) and while his initial decisions are rude and selfish, he becomes self-aware and tries to make it up to people. i.e., going to jonathan's to try and apologize and buying him a new camera, or coming to nancy to tell her he confessed to the police even though it got him in trouble, or telling his friends where to stick it and then going to help wash off the graffiti. in short, jonathan romanticized this version of nancy that wasn't really all of who she was and people paint him to be this great guy (would you trust a guy that took pictures of you without you knowing, and then only feeling guilty once you found out?) and steve is this beautiful work in progress that wants to understand how nancy works as a person. so basically the fact that the writers didn't leave nancy with jonathan means that they destroyed that basic story line where the "nice girl" leaves the "bad boy" for the "nice guy" and they did it in the best way possible without completely bashing any one character and i just really love this show.
Another beholder, this one blind, wanders into the library of the one we killed while we're exploring, humming a nursery rhyme
  • <p> <b>Beholder, in a creaky old lady voice:</b> Who's there?<p/><b>Aaeye:</b> We mean you no harm.<p/><b>Harry:</b> Easy there.<p/><b>Beholder:</b> Who's there? Are you friends of my son?<p/><b>Me, OOC:</b> It's his- You're making us deal with the beholder's mother??<p/><b>Beholder:</b> Are you Argy's friends?<p/><b>Harry:</b> You know- yes, yeah, he had a couple of books about a couple of my friends here, so we wanted to see what he knew about us.<p/><b>Beholder:</b> Well, where is he? He's late for dinner.<p/><b>Harry:</b> I don't know; he stepped out for a little bit.<p/><b>Beholder:</b> He went out? Why would he do that? He never leaves his basement.<p/><b></b> *whole party bursts out laughing*<p/><b>Me, OOC:</b> He lives in his mother's basement?<p/><b>Harry:</b> Well, you see, the thing is, he wanted to see if he could find a nice, uh, female, to bring home to you.<p/><b>Beholder:</b> What? Is his mother not good enough for him?<p/><b>Harry:</b> No, no no no, he wanted to make you proud!<p/><b>DM:</b> Roll a Deception check.<p/><b>Matt:</b> *rolls* Nope! That's a ten.<p/><b>Beholder:</b> My son has no interest in such things! All he does is sit and read his books!<p/><b>Harry:</b> Well, uh, yeah, I mean, I talked to him a little bit-<p/><b>Beholder:</b> You sound... untruthful. That will certainly not do!<p/><b>Me:</b> Wait, hang on, I want to say-<p/><b>Aaeye:</b> The important thing is that there's no need for further hostilities.<p/><b>Me:</b> Dammit.<p/><b>Beholder:</b> I beg your pardon?<p/><b>Don:</b> I can't do words.<p/><b>Me:</b> *OOC* Shh! I can help with this. *in-character* He didn't actually step out for a female, he stepped out for a book, my friend here misunderstood, he stepped out for a book ON females, I don't know exactly why-<p/><b>DM:</b> Deception?<p/><b>Me:</b> I didn't put ranks into Deception, but I've got a +5 anyways. *rolls* 17!<p/><b>DM:</b> Okay. She just kind looks at you oddly, but you notice that her eyes are kind of swiveling, trying to find focus on you, but it does look like she has cataracts, so she's probably blind. She's looking around the chamber, trying to pinpoint your voices.<p/><b>Beholder:</b> My son would never leave to find a book. He would simply command an organism to do it for him.<p/><b>Me:</b> Well, he seemed very determined to get this book on his own; I can't tell you why.<p/><b>Aaeye:</b> He was certainly determined about something, you know, I can tell you that.<p/><b>Me, whispering:</b> Stop talking. You're not helping. *to Harry* Also, you stop talking; you're not helping either.<p/><b>DM:</b> At this point, Raiya and Kanithar, you two are coming down the corridor. You notice that the passage in front of you, about sixty feet ahead, is blocked by this beholder, who seems to be scolding the people inside.<p/><b>Me:</b> And is clearly some sort of blind maternal figure.<p/><b>Harry:</b> I'm sorry, I did not catch your name, madam.<p/><b>Beholder:</b> Oh! I'm Mama Silax.<p/><b>Me, Harry, and Aaeye:</b> Mama Silax.<p/><b>Me:</b> Pleasure to meet you.<p/><b>Mama Silax:</b> Do you know where my son is?<p/><b>Me:</b> I'm sorry, we don't know. He wouldn't tell us where he was going. He just said he was going out to find the book.<p/><b>DM:</b> At this point, you watch as one large eye in the center of her face opens up, and this one, while the others are milky and kind of blinded, this one can see perfectly.<p/><b>Me:</b> Ohhhh, shit.<p/><b>DM:</b> As she gazes about the room, looking at all of you, and you hear an inhuman screech rock the chamber as her gaze falls upon the destroyed and crumpled remains of her son.<p/><b>Me:</b> Oh, fuck, we didn't get rid of the body!<p/><b>DM:</b> You can see tears forming, milky tears.<p/><b></b> *whole party laughs*<p/><b>Me:</b> Should we roll initiative?<p/><b>Don:</b> I have a power called Emissary of Peace! *in character* There was a misunderstanding, a conflict that we tried to avoid but couldn't, our friend perished, your son perished, it was unfortunate. Let us not repeat this nastiness. *rolls* I got a 22!<p/><b>DM:</b> You see the milky tears form and drip to the ground. Where they fall, you see the carpet steam, like acid.<p/><b>Me:</b> Oh, great acid tears. Nothing is quite as frightening as a mama beholder's tears.<p/><b>DM:</b> She floats a little forward into the room, and where she heard your voice coming from, she just kinda plops down and leans up against you.<p/><b>Me:</b> Oh, amazing.<p/><b>Aaeye:</b> *awkwardly pats Mama Silax on the back*<p/><b>Mama Silax:</b> What happened? Please tell me of my son.<p/><b>Harry, whispering:</b> Blame the dead guy (we lost an NPC party member in the fight).<p/><b>DM:</b> Luckily, her hearing's not too good either.<p/><b>Harry:</b> Well, ahem, we heard tales of your son, and came up here to speak to him-<p/><b>Mama Silax:</b> I don't like you! I asked him *gestures to Aaeye*. You're a liar!<p/><b>Me:</b> We're so sorry, we just wanted to spare your feelings.<p/><b>Aaeye:</b> Anyways, we came up here to negotiate, and unfortunately, our leader and your son did not come to an understanding, and violence erupted, and unfortunately, neither your son nor our leader and dear friend survived.<p/><b>Mama Silax:</b> Dear heavens, why'd you have to take my son?<p/><b></b> *Kanithar and Raiya enter and see Mama Silax trying to curl into a ball against Aaeye, weeping acid tears*<p/><b>Kanithar, imperiously:</b> Is it begging for mercy?<p/><b>Aaeye:</b> I am consoling her over the deaths that we have all suffered from!<p/><b>Harry:</b> It's a mother weeping for her kid!<p/><b>Raiya, baffled:</b> What?<p/><b>Harry:</b> It's a mother, weeping for her kid!<p/><b>Kanithar:</b> This must be some sort of deception. Abominations do not weep for their children.<p/><b>Me, OOC:</b> Oh, no, you don't say that to her face, do you?<p/><b>Evan:</b> I say that very loudly.<p/><b>Me:</b> Oh, no. Kanithar, no, Kanithar, no, you're going to get us all killed.<p/><b>Kanithar, ignoring me:</b> What are we doing with the creature?<p/><b>Aaeye:</b> We're having a moment of understanding for all of us, that we are all somebody's child.<p/><b>Me:</b> My parents are dead.<p/><b>Harry:</b> So are mine.<p/><b>Me:</b> I never met them.<p/><b>Evan:</b> Knowledge check to see what I know about beholders, and to see if this is unusual?<p/><b></b> *Aaeye continues lecturing on unity in the background while Kanithar and Raiya put their heads together to see what they know about beholders and I make desperate "shut the fuck up" gestures at Kanithar, who continues ignoring me*<p/><b>DM:</b> This seems like normal behavior.<p/><b>Me:</b> What, crying beholders?<p/><b>DM:</b> Yeah, he's just like, "is this normal for beholders? Do they have parents?"<p/><b>Me, to Evan:</b> What, did you roll a one?<p/><b>Evan:</b> No, I got a total of 12, it just wasn't enough.<p/><b>Me, belatedly realizing I should probably roll my own check:</b> 24 Arcana? Are beholders a born creature or made?<p/><b>DM:</b> Yeah, they're born. They have parents.<p/><b>Me:</b> Oh, huh. So this is legit. This is awkward.<p/><b>Kanithar:</b> If this is indeed true, then destroy the beast so she does not spawn any further abominations.<p/><b>Kirby:</b> Jesus!<p/><b>Harry:</b> Whoa, whoa, whoa!<p/><b>Me:</b> Kanithar! She's done nobody harm!<p/><b>Kanithar:</b> She does not belong here. She is a crime against nature!<p/><b>Aaeye:</b> She's part of nature.<p/><b>Me:</b> Kanithar, she's not going to spawn any more. She's clearly a widow, she's clearly-<p/><b></b> *party starts laughing*<p/><b>Kirby:</b> Clearly a single mother-<p/><b>Matt:</b> Past menopause or kids-<p/><b>Me:</b> Look, I'm gonna try to be respectful about it, but she's clearly past her child-bearing years. She's mostly blind, she's mostly deaf, her son was the only thing she had; she'll be fine, just leave her alone, she'll die naturally. Or, unnaturally, as the case may be, but on her own. She'll die of old age.<p/><b></b> (Long story short, we found out Mama Silax and her son were brought to this plane against their will. We brought back her son and sent them both back to their home plane as a compromise between Kanithar's desire to murder abominations and the rest of the party's desire not to slaughter a defenseless grieving mother. This conversation lasted a total of about twenty minutes, and it took me half an hour to transcribe ten minutes, so this is what you get.)<p/></p>
Guardians of the Galaxy Roleplay Sentence Starters
  • "You'll die! Why are you doing this? Why?"
  • "Well that's just as fascinating as the first 89 times you told me that."
  • "Well I tell you what, that's gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud."
  • " I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you've accepted me despite my blunders. It is good to once again be among friends."
  • "This dumb tree is also my friend."
  • "I have lived most of my life surrounded my enemies. I will be grateful to die among my friends."
  • "Aww, what the hell, I don't got that long a lifespan anyway... "
  • "Well now I'm standing. Happy? We're all standing now. Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle."
  • "We've already established that you destroying the ship I'm on is not saving me!"
  • "That is the most real, authentic, hysterical laugh of my entire life."
  • "Finger on throat means death!"
  • "They got my dick message."
  • "His people are completely literal. Metaphors go over his head."
  • "That dude there. I need his prosthetic leg. "
  • "God knows I don't need the rest of him. Look at him. He's useless."
  • "Well, supposedly, these bald bodies find you attractive, so maybe you could work out some sort of trade."
  • "That's for if things get really hardcore. Or if you wanna blow up moons."
  • "You just wanna suck the joy out of everything."
  • "Who put the sticks up their butts?"
  • "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
  • "Fine, but I can't promise when all of this is over I'm not going to kill every last one of you jerks."
  • "See, this is exactly why none of you have any friends!"
  • "Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting."
  • "You got issues."
  • "He thinks I'm some stupid thing! He does!"
  • " I didn't ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over and turned into some little monster!"
  • "When I look around, you know what I see? Losers."
  • "You're an imbecile."
  • "I can't believe I got taken down by a raccoon."
  • "Raccoon? What's a raccoon?"
  • "Ain't no thing like me, except me!"
  • "We're just like Kevin Bacon."
  • "I live for the simple things... like how much this is going to hurt!"
  • "Dance-off, bro. Me and you."
  • "I like your knife, I'm keeping it."
  • "Oh, I was just kidding about the leg. I just need these two things."
  • "He said that he may be an... a-hole. But he's not, and I quote, 100% a dick".
  • "Well, I don't know if I believe anyone is 100% a dick."
  • "Let's see if you can laugh after five or six good shots in your freakin' face!"
  • "Creepy little beast!"
  • "I don't learn. One of my issues."
  • "Look at this thing. It thinks it's so cool. It's not cool to ask for help! Walk by yourself, you little gargoyle!"
  • "Hooked on a Feeling, Blue Swede! That song belongs to me!"
  • "Hold on a second, you're being serious right now?"
  • "I can't believe I'm taking orders from a hamster."
  • "You're a good looking girl. You should try to be more nice to people."
(Fic) Can’t Help Falling In Love

@not-lonely-but-alone here’s your Christmas present for the @fander-secret-santa! I hope you like it!

Your request: LAMP cuteness. 

This is a songfic and a Human!College!AU, I hope you don’t mind. 

BOLD WORDS ARE THE SONG LYRICS

Fandom(s): Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, YouTube

Warnings: food mention, some fear/anxiety and self-deprecation, homophobia

Ship(s): Polyamsanders/LAMP


Virgil could still remember the day they all met. Roman and Patton were walking hand in hand, Logan was rushing down the sidewalk, and Virgil was walking slowly, hands shoved deep into his pockets, earbuds in his ears and turned up as loud as they could go. Virgil had looked up and seen the three other men, his heart skipping a beat in his chest and his face heating up. They all looked so…so perfect, so amazing. He recognized them from their college campus.

Virgil had seen the ones who were a couple walking through the halls. They were friends with the one who always wore a tie. Virgil had ducked his head down again, only to have Logan collide with him a second later, papers flying in all directions and scattering throughout the park. Virgil was apologizing over and over and Roman and Patton had rushed over to help. Logan was in tears, upset and frustrated, and Patton had given him a big hug. When they were done, Logan had invited them all for coffee as a thank you. And that’s how Virgil met the loves of his life.  

It didn’t take Logan long to fall in love with him. They were the most similar after all, and Virgil connected with him the most. He thought he would be satisfied with Logan’s love, but every time he would see Roman and Patton, his heart would feel….empty. 

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can’t help falling in love with you

When Virgil had proposed his plan to Logan, he was terrified that the smarter man would think he was disgusting. He stood in the kitchen of the apartment that the two of them shared, eyes closed, tears welling up in his eyes. Virgil flinched as he felt Logan cup his cheek and caress it gently, and he tried to relax, but it was difficult. 

“Well, isn’t this an interesting situation,” Logan said with a soft chuckle, pressing a kiss to Virgil’s forehead. “I was going to propose the same thing. I suppose great minds really do think alike, don’t they?” he added quietly. Virgil opened his eyes in surprise, looking at Logan in bewilderment. 

“You…you were going to…?” Virgil spluttered, unable to get out a full sentence. Logan rolled his eyes and took Virgil’s hand in his, face turning pink slightly at what he was about to say. 

“Yes, I was. I love you, Virgil, so much, but I always felt as if something was missing from our relationship. It knew it wasn’t your fault, and then I remembered…the day the three of us met you, how everything felt right. That’s what was missing,” Logan murmured, sighing softly and shaking his head. 

“Do you…have a plan? We can’t just rush into this. What if…What if they don’t want to be with us?” Virgil asked fearfully. “What if they think we’re freaks?” 

“That is a likely response, what with society’s views on such things, but in all the years I have known Roman and Patton, they’ve always been open to new things. They will most likely respond positively, if only for experimentation’s sake,” Logan mused, absentmindedly running his thumb over Virgil’s knuckles. The anxious man flushed at the odd affection and smiled. 

“So…should we invite them over? For dinner or something, I mean? Maybe tomorrow?” Virgil asked quickly, spelling out ideas for Logan to consider. The bespectacled man smiled widely at his current lover and kissed him quickly, squeezing his hand before rushing over to their collection of cookbooks. 

“A brilliant idea! I’ll look to see what I should make.” 

Oh, shall I stay, would it be a sin
Oh, if I can’t help falling in love with you?

Everything was prepared. Logan and Virgil had set the table, cleaned the apartment, and the macaroni and cheese with bacon on top (one of the group’s favorite foods to get at a local restaurant and share) were just about to come out of the oven. Logan’s hands were shaking slightly as he pulled the pan out of the oven and set it on the counter, quickly taking off his mitts and setting them to the side. Virgil opened his mouth to reassure the other man when the doorbell rang, signaling the arrival of Patton and Roman. The two lovers exchanged a nervous glance, taking each other’s hands and squeezing tight as they made their way to the door. 

When the door was opened in bounded a happy Patton carrying the chocolate cake he had promised to make and a somewhat wary Roman, glancing around suspiciously as if he were looking for some sort of trap. Virgil’s heart leaped nervously into his throat at the sight but tried to push his fear aside. They were going to go through with this, whether it ended well or crashed and burned. 

“Thank you so much for inviting us! Everything looks delicious,” Patton said cheerfully, taking his seat at the table. Logan gave him a thankful smile and took his seat at the head, while Virgil sat beside him (across from Patton), and Roman sat at the end. Soon they were digging into plates piled high with macaroni and cheese, talking and laughing together just like the day they’d all met. Virgil was holding Logan’s hand under the table, bouncing his leg up and down nervously and trying to take part in the conversation despite his worry. Just then Roman cleared his throat, catching the attention of the other three. 

“While this has been nice, something doesn’t feel quite right. You two have been tense all night. Is there something you wanted to ask us?” Roman said, looking at Logan and Virgil expectantly. Patton’s ever-present smile faded as Virgil visibly paled and even Roman looked a bit unsure. What if he’d been overreacting? No, that couldn’t be right, he’d always known when something was wrong with his two friends before. 

“We were going to wait until after dinner….but I suppose we could discuss it now,” Virgil said quietly, letting go of Logan’s hand and folding his own in his lap. Patton perked up, interested, and Roman had a smug smile on his face. Virgil bit his lip and glanced at Logan, inviting him to speak. The bespectacled man sighed and stood up, placing his hands behind his back and looking at the other three occupants of the small kitchen. 

“Virgil and I have been talking. Lately, the two of us have felt as though something was missing from the relationship. It’s been nice but…not quite right-”

“Are you breaking up?!” Patton asked, horrified, eyes widening in shock. Logan quickly shook his head. 

“No, Patton, of course not! I didn’t mean that! Virgil and I are quite happy together, we just…want to add a few more elements to our relationship,” Logan replied quickly, heart pounding in his chest. He tried to keep from looking at Roman, Patton, or Virgil, afraid that his emotions would get the best of him and he would become a bumbling mess. Roman and Patton exchanged a confused glance, and Virgil smiled encouragingly at his lover. Logan took in a deep breath before continuing. 

“You…You see…both Virgil and I have…ugh…feelings for other people, the same people, and we wish to…enter a polyamorous courtship.” Logan could see it click in their minds. Patton let out a small gasp and Roman slumped back in his chair, face pale. Logan’s fists clenched behind his back and Virgil had ducked his head, looking as if he were about to burst into tears. 

“This has to be a joke,” Roman murmured, looking at Patton, a surprisingly happy twinkle in his eyes, a smile breaking out across his shocked face. Patton let out a small giggle, face turning bright red. Logan’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“A…A joke? No, I am not joking. Virgil and I had been wondering if you wanted to be in a relationship with the two of us. If you don’t we understa-”

“No, no, it’s not that. We were going to ask you the same thing!” Patton interrupted, clapping his hands excitedly. “We’ve talked about it tons of times! We were going to ask just you when we were friends, but then we met Virgil and everything was absolutely perfect! But then…you two got together, and we were too scared to ask,” Patton added, giving Logan a sheepish smile. Virgil gaped at him, mouth hanging open in shock, and Logan had slowly sat back down, his heart thumping even louder in his ears as if it was going to burst out of his chest. 

“So…So you want to be with us? Both of us?” Virgil asked. Roman frowned at what the last bit possibly implied and reached to the side, taking Virgil’s hand in his and pressing a soft kiss to the knuckles. 

“Yes my dear, both of you, if you would have us,” Roman said sweetly, and Patton made a small ‘aw’ sound. Virgil’s face heated up but he didn’t snatch his hand away. He looked at Logan, who was hiding the grin on his face with the back of his hand. That was enough confirmation for him, and he leaned over to give Roman a kiss, eyes tearing up with droplets of blissful happiness, his heart finally feeling full. 

“We would love that.”  

Like a river flows, surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be

Today would be their first official day all living together. They had found a house close enough to campus that they didn’t have to walk too far, and it was big enough for all of them. There was a kitchen, four bedrooms (only one would probably be needed), a living room, a basement, and an attic. It had almost seemed too good to be true, but the college students that had been living in it before had graduated, and the rent was cheap after the condition it was in. 

Virgil stepped into the worn out house with his last box in hand, glancing around at the peeling paint, chipped tile floors, and walls stained with unknown substances. Patton and Logan had come a few weeks earlier and Roman and Virgil packed everyone’s things and had cleaned the place up tremendously well. Even still, Virgil could see that the place needed a lot of work. 

“Home sweet home,” Patton sang from upstairs, making Virgil crack a smile. He quickly headed up, stooping a bit at the slightly low ceiling on the stairs and making his way towards ‘his room’. Patton had already gotten to work setting up his bed with Roman, and Logan was taking a few things of the last remaining unpacked boxes. Virgil grinned and gave each of his lovers a kiss before joining them in setting up the room. 

“Can you believe it? We’re finally going to be living together! Like, really! Not just visiting!” Patton squealed, jumping around like a child on Christmas Morning. Logan let out a rare, hearty laugh and took the lamp that Patton was holding out of his hands, not wanting his to drop it and make a mess. 

“Isn’t it amazing? Just a year ago we were going out on our first date together,” Roman said dreamily, clasping his hands together and resting his cheek on them, staring at the other three fondly. Virgil’s lips twitched into a small smile and he continued to take the last few remaining knick-knacks from his box. As Patton came up behind him, wrapping his arms around him in a hug and pressing a kiss to the back of his head, Virgil practically melted into his arms. This is where he was meant to be.

Take my hand, take my whole life too
Oh, for I can’t help falling in love with you

“Are you guys sure about this?” Roman asked nervously, glancing at each of his boyfriends in hesitation. Patton, Logan, and Virgil all exchanged a glance before nodding, each of them taking each others’ hands and intertwining their fingers. Logan held his free hand out to Roman, face blank but eyes filled with love and support. Roman swallowed, grabbing his hand tightly and holding his head high, marching forward with his lovers towards the front door. 

The four boyfriends had already opened up about their relationship with Patton, Virgil, and Logan’s parents, all of which had gone well. The three had very accepting families, but Roman? Not so much. Roman had grown up believing that he would burn in hell for liking other boys, and that God hated him for who he was. His parents had shunned him when they discovered he was dating Patton, and now he was dating two other men as well. If this didn’t make them completely despise his existence, he didn’t know what would. 

“Ro, You’re shaking,” Logan murmured, squeezing Roman’s hand and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Roman blinked and quickly forced a smile on his face, and tried to keep his hands from shaing. He was fine. This was fine. Everything was fine. All the color drained from Roman’s face as the four of them stopped in front of the door and he bit his lip, fighting back tears. Raising his free hand and clenching it into a fist, knocking loudly on the door. He jumped slightly as it swung open almost immediately, revealing Roman’s mother, Violet. 

“Roman? What are you doing here? Christmas isn’t for weeks, you should still be at college,” Violet told her son, looking at him with a puzzled expression on her face. Roman swallowed hard, gripping Logan’s hand tighter. 

“I-I know, mother, but there’s…there’s something I need to tell you and father,” Roman said, his voice barely above a whisper. Violet blinked and then her eyes narrowed. She looked at Patton, Logan, Virgil, and Roman, eyeing their intertwined hands with an expressionless face. 

“I see. And how long, exactly, has this been going on?” Violet asked coldly, turning her burning gaze to Roman. Roman was trembling from head to foot and Virgil looked about ready to bolt, with Logan looking about nervously and Patton with an angry expression that could kill. 

“I…three years. We met my freshman year of college and….and we-” Roman was cut off as the door was slammed shut in his face and the sound of his mother screaming unintelligibly ringing in his ears. Roman felt tears slipping down his cheeks and his breathing became shakier. He felt arms wrap around his shoulders and was turned around gently, led back to the car that Patton, Logan, Virgil, and he had driven here in. 

“I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have come. I’m so sorry,” Roman choked out as Patton opened up the door for him and buckled him up. Virgil slid in next to him on the other sides, and Patton and Logan got into the front seats. Virgil rested his head on Roman’s shoulder, nuzzling into his neck and taking both of his hands in his. 

“Don’t apologize, love, it’s not your fault. You were so brave,” Virgil murmured, smiling ar Roman and wiping the tears that still trickled slowly down his cheeks with his thumb. Roman closed his eyes, melting against Virgil. Logan began to drive and Patton glanced back at Roman and Virgil sadly. Roman’s shoulders were still shaking slightly and the color hadn’t returned yet to his face. 

“It’s going to be okay Roman, I promise,” Patton whispered. Roman smiled at him weakly, still not opening his eyes. 

“I love you all…so much,” Roman sighed. Even if he wasn’t accepted by his parents, he knew that these three beautiful people would always be by his side. 

Oh, for I can’t help falling in love with you

That night, the four lovers sat in front of a crackling fireplace, telling stories and cuddling up close together, enjoying each other’s company and love that would last forever. 


And there we be! Sorry if this isn’t what you wanted per say, but I hope you still like it! I hope you’re having a good holiday season! 

maxpowersimpsonskywalkerspock  asked:

I love classic Vader,but I wish Anakin had killed Obi-Wan in Mustafar and got out of the planet. The guy'd be so powerful and badass... Besides,I think Obi-Wan deserves some shit...

i actually think suitless!vader is a lot more interesting than people give it credit for - usually, it’s turned into, “vader, but pretty,” and that has a lot of terrible connotations, so i usually loathe suitless!vader on principle. 

the pain vader experienced because of the support system is usually at the forefront of people’s minds - but it runs far, far deeper than that. there’s a lot of symbolism behind people wearing masks; there’s a lot of identity issues tied to mask motifs and characters that wear suits of armor. think: tony stark.

but vader’s not willingly wearing his suit of armor - it was forced on him, through a painful, invasive surgery that he was forced to stay awake for. it’s an armor that was purposely customized to palpatine’s needs, not his.

and vader can’t take it off. he can’t override the system, can’t pull it off, can’t escape from it. a lot of the suit is wired directly into his body; i know everyone wants redeemed!vader to loose the suit, but you have to wonder if that’s actually possible - and, to be brutally honest, it’s probably not. (i know in legends that there’s a scene - i’m specifically thinking of lost command - where it’s taken off, but it’s not practical. and, you know, lost command had vader running around helmetless like he can suddenly breathe again - so i take the medical scenarios in that one with a grain - no, bucket - of salt.)

when people are like, “vader should’ve just left!” how? even if vader were in a place to consider it, the suit’s still there. he needs the facilities only the empire can provide, and even more, where is he going to go? how do you hide a 7ft special-order murderbot? 

that suit, truly, reduced vader’s options to one: sith apprentice. even if vader wanted to overthrow the emperor, he couldn’t. even if vader wanted to leave, he couldn’t. he’s stuck.

and what’s even worse is that the suit is a symbol of his transhumanity - there’s actually a song, in legends, that the imperials sang: lord vader’s many mechanical parts. tagge, in the darth vader comics, literally calls him a weapon, equates him to a lightsaber, and tells vader that he needs to be wielded. recently, it was revealed that vader has a literal off-button, like a real droid. it’s easy to dehumanize someone who looks inhuman - and that’s exactly what palpatine wants, because he doesn’t want anyone considering that vader’s human and fallible. he doesn’t want people taking his apprentice.

if that’s not enough, vader’s senses were tampered with. he doesn’t feel a sensation other than pain, doesn’t see a color other than red, the helmet distorts sounds like they’re coming through water - it’s all very isolating. and it’s constant - vader never gets to really get out of his own head, because he barely experiences the world around him. nothing exists other than what vader has to do - it’s a very fucked up way to live. 

the suit is entrenched in every aspect of vader’s life; so deeply that it became entwined with his self-perception. he’s not just wearing the suit, he is the suit. and that’s exactly how palpatine wanted it, because he wanted an apprentice he could control - so he took away vader’s opportunities, put people off of communicating with vader, and shut off vader’s environment. think of a horse with blinkers; vader’s only goal, only purpose, is the empire, and nothing outside of that should be allowed to exist. 

essentially, palpatine has done more than systematically destroy vader’s life - he’s destroyed vader’s potential life. he’s destroyed everything, so vader becomes unreachable in his isolation and pain. 

and vader thanks him for it. there’s a scene in the old canon where vader thanks palpatine for making him stronger - because palpatine pulled his card and said, don’t you like all i’ve done for you? like he’s given vader a gift. 

the suit is so, so important to palpatine’s subjugation of anakin that it’s hard to imagine darth vader without it - and i don’t think there would be a darth vader without it. 

without the suit, there’s nothing keeping him in the empire - other than palpatine. in a suitless!vader situation, palpatine and vader’s relationship is going to be even more insidious, even more disgusting, because palpatine’s relying on solely his wit to keep is apprentice in line. and anakin doesn’t stay in line for long - i highly doubt palpatine could keep a suitless vader for long. 

When Saeran is Mistaken for Saeyoung after Dying His Hair Red Again.
  • Zen: *throws arm around him* So about that Tripter bot! Can I give you some pictures to put on it? ^^
  • Saeran: What are you talking about?
  • Zen: Quit pretending like you don't know, you confessed you were behind it.
  • Saeran: I'm not Saeyoung.
  • Zen: Hahaha, you're so funny.
  • Saeran: And you're a moron.
  • Zen: Oh. You are Saeran.
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Jumin: Get away from Elizabeth the Third. Why the hell are you in my apartment, Saeyoung?! Out!
  • Saeran: Saeyoung told me to come give you this piece of paper. The bodyguards let me in. Your cat likes me. I don't know why.
  • Jumin: Saeyoung sent Saeyoung over? Quit acting, Saeyoung and put her down!
  • Saeran: Here, cat. Be careful getting down. I'm leaving now.
  • Jumin: So easily, Saeyoung?
  • Saeran: *sighs*
  • Elizabeth 3rd: *meows sadly after Saeran*
  • Jumin: That wasn't Saeyoung, was it?
  • Elizabeth 3rd: *meows exasperatedly*
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Yoosung: Hey, Saeyoung, how did you do on LOLOL last night?!
  • Saeran: I'm not Saeyoung.
  • Yoosung: Okay! How did you do on LOLOL last night, other Saeyoung?
  • Saeran: *groans*
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Jaehee: *opens mouth as Saeran walks into cafe*
  • Saeran: I'm not Saeyoung!
  • Jaehee: Can you do mixed coffee drinks if you have a book?
  • Saeran: Uh.
  • Jaehee: That's a yes. I need help. You're hired. Get to work.
  • Saeran: *sighs, again*
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • V: ....
  • Saeran: You can't even see! I'm not Saeyoung!
  • V: Ouch.
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Rika: Hi!
  • Saeran: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DEVIL WOMAN!
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Vanderwood: ......
  • Saeran: ......
  • Vanderwood: So....
  • Saeran: I'm not Saeyoung.
  • Vanderwood: Right. Sorry about last time! You all look so much alike!
  • Saeran: You're. A. Moron.
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • MC: Hi, Saeran!
  • Saeran: MARRY ME!
  • MC: *confused as to why Saeran is suddenly clinging to her after he visited the others to drop off things Saeyoung had "borrowed" from them*
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Saeyoung: Hi, second Saeyoung!
  • Saeran: I hate all of you.
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Saeyoung: *secretly told all the members he would be the one visiting them* *troll*
Matthew Daddario Quotes
  • "We call our shoes ‘sneakers,’ right? But they're not really sneaking."
  • "Can't wait till they invent phones with keyboards."
  • "I don't know this guy. He came to hang out so I complimented his hair."
  • "How many artichokes can you eat in one sitting?"
  • "No, go back to my idea!"
  • "Maybe, they'll throw the books out. Just not follow the books anymore."
  • "Hey guys did everyone floss today? You gotta floss every day. Otherwise, your dentist makes you feel bad."
  • "I play piano but I won't call it a talent."
  • "I'm the funniest person in the cast and that's simply because everybody else is so painfully unfunny."
  • "There is literally no memory left in my phone. I took fourteen thousand blue sky photos and I need all of them."
  • "Send him photos of fried chicken and crab cakes."
  • "I have a dentist appt tomorrow. I'm not gonna brush my teeth tonight. Also not going to shower. This is going to be painful for everyone."
  • "You are not trash, you are lovely!"
  • "Don't sign contracts in your blood. It's usually not required by any reputable party."
  • "He's slippin' out his little tongue eating snail treats off the ground."
  • "I will eat anywhere in the house. I'll eat cheese crackers in bed!"
  • "He looks down and sees this wonderful man. He hops down there and smooches that man right on the face. Right in front of everyone."
  • "...it's not fair that he is more handsome than me!!!"
  • "Don't do the hokey pokey around witches."
  • "They're never gonna release the deleted scenes to you guys because they're racy and inappropriate."
  • "This video is going on social media!"
  • "I'm ashamed to admit I lied about the selfies. The phone is 98% cow pictures and I can't delete them. I need a new phone. Forgive me."
  • "Thank god I started sandpapering my feet when I was four."
  • "Is Alec appreciating at an increased rate because of an increase in demand? Or is it the same rate as before."
  • "Note, some alpaca do not appreciate head pats."
  • "If humans lived in barns, we'd be smelly, too."
  • "Had to delete all my cow photos to make room for selfies, so I will say 'I appreciate you, cows.'"
  • "Wow. It's spelled Gollum. Wow. So disappointed. Hiding my own cell phone for the next two weeks."
  • "You're a little kitty cat. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy kitty cat, kitty cat."
  • "Sometimes when I travel between dimensions, I think, man, I should really buy a sailboat."
  • "If I was running for President, my VP would be a well trained golden retriever."
  • "Who's not going to watch Hamlet in space? I mean, Space Hamlet!"
  • "I just think we should all acknowledge what is awesome about Harry!"
  • "I like eating food after dark."
  • "Generally, people avoid kissing their sister in a healthy life."
  • "If you don't like my zebra leggings, it's because you just don't understand zebra leggings."
  • "I think we should provide more showers for cows."
  • "If I'm having a bad day, I eat pizza."
  • "I hope Google uses the same algorithm to encrypt my email as my pocket does to tie knots with my headphones."
  • "I would own a farm. Not like growing crops but maybe have a few animals like cows, and maybe an alpaca or a llama. I would chop wood all day."
  • "Dog. #dog. Dog. Dog."
  • "Had fun tweeting with/at you guys. Phone is about to die. Gonna go get more double-A batteries."
  • "The jackhammer has been joined by his friend, the concrete saw. Rare that you get two music legends right outside your window like this."
  • "Interdimensional cat smuggling is severely punished. But you can make a killing on the black cat market."
  • "You should just give up on me like I did. So done with me right now I can't even."
  • "What am I fan of? No one's ever asked me this before! Oh man."
  • "I don't know why they say that. I think they're poking fun at me."
  • "Congrats. You deserve that sailboat."
  • "I don't know. I don't have any pet peeve. Yapping little dogs, I guess. Buttons that don't go up right."
  • "Donkeys look like rabbit horses."
  • "Everyone is all, 'follow your heart.' If that worked I'd be watching Shadowhunters in my spaceship."
  • "Am I making this up?"
  • "I don't condone it, but I understand it, and therefore, I will not pass judgment on it."
  • "I can eat a pound of pork rinds."
  • "I am your bird king!"
  • "Baby pigs or baby cows? They're both good options."
  • "I have deleted a single photo from my phone. I have room for one selfie. Living on the edge. If it happens, no second chances."
  • "She gets it at a Shadowhunter tailor where we get all our stuff. Are you serious?"
  • "My cell phone is not the most important thing in my life. It just feels that way."
  • "Kill her immediately. Problem solved."
  • "You're not me? Most people aren't, in my experience."
  • "Man I've spent a whole year talking about sailboats and I could have just jumped on this SHIP."
  • "Reminder not to cite 'game of thrones' as my motivation for getting into politics."
  • "To all the people who threaten to punch me in the face... Do I have to be concerned or is that a love thing?"
  • "Put this on?! Fit it on my body?!"
  • "I’m going to shave today. Nobody will recognize me and I’ll have to reintroduce myself to all my friends."
  • "Don't get me started on this question."
  • "Okay, quick question. What does it mean when someone says they are your 'trash?' Asking for a friend..."
  • "Wait, 'SexyBack' is by Justin Timberlake?"
  • "Everyone's smooching everyone and Alec just wants to do his job. That's why he's the best and deserves a big smooch."
Criminal Minds Headcanons/Character Descriptions
  • Emily Prentiss: not-so-secretly a spy, pretends to be past her emo phase- is actually still really emo, speaks 458379803854 languages, lowkey ninja, super chill, the older sister, drives with the windows down, straight up eats ice cubes for no reason, listens to emo music in her room, quiet in a loud sort of way, her laugh is actual magic, wears too much black to be considered healthy, always just a little bit angry, really bad at being the designated driver (always ends up being the most drunk), always up for a good party, cats are her spirit animal, deepest desire is to be a crazy cat lady, knows how to hold her licquor freakishly well, turns 21 every year, cooler than everybody else
  • JJ: eats cheetos like oxygen, little sister/middle child, hair is always perfect, can eat all the junk food she wants without gaining any weight, can kill you with his ninja hands, smells really nice, somehow knows everybody's secrets, good listener, smiles a lot, just really wants to fall in love one day, the popular cheerleader that everybody actually likes, listens to indie music, never not fabulous, wants to have a ton of kids, brings home strays without telling anyone, always the first to volunteer to take care of the class pet
  • Penelope Garcia: that weird neighbor kid that's just always around, nicknamed "the baking grandma" because of the inexplicable way she has of always having baked goods on hand, "Garcia's the name, and witty comebacks are my game", perfect ray of sunshine, an actual human rainbow, everybody has to have at least one pefectly peculiar nickname, will kill you with her ninja-hugs, has a gigantically beautiful sparkling smile, bright pink lipstick, wears too many colors at once, really good at helping you through a breakup, butterscotches in her purse, might be a grandma, computer nerd, can beat anybody at video games, afraid of guns, tries to be tough but doesn't know how, would wear pure glitter if she could, doesn't have a favorite color because if she chose then she would feel bad for all the other colors (it's actually pink)
  • Hotch: the undeniable dad, loves everybody equally, shows people love without words, you know you're in trouble when he gives you one of his famous "hotch glares", only really laughs when he's with the people he loves, his smile will make your knees weak, likes to spoon, strong and silent type, always wears suits for no reason, works too much, secretly a sinnamon bun, will kill you if you mess with the people he loves, cares too much, the proud dad, shows up to ALL recitals and shows, equally passionate and compassionate, crazy good at his job, nobody knows his secrets, secretly amazing at throwing surprise parties, can not bake to save his life, his smile is like the moon and the stars combined, tries to make dad jokes and fails
  • Spencer Reid: king of the dorks, the precious little brother, must be protected at all costs, obsessed with Halloween, plans Halloween an actual year ahead of time, drinks coffee through an IV, book worm, facts, books make him feel safe, refuses to play video games, thinks he's tough but is actually a precious cinnamon bun, owns too many sweaters, purple is definitely his favorite color, apologizes too much, drinks a lot of water, lost count of the number of PhDs he has a long time ago, awkward, never knows what to say, bad social skills, social anxiety, chess tournaments make him happy, eats a lot of cake, owns a scooter
  • Derek Morgan: the amazing big brother, looks out for everyone else before himself, kicks the bullies in the nuts, burgers and fries all the time, captain of the football team but also organizes fundraisers for the needy, likes working out, shovels neighbors' sidewalks/ mows neighbors' lawns without asking, loves and appreciates dogs, lowkey believes that cats are the anti-christ, helps old people cross the street, grocery store runs are always his job, goes on long bike rides just to think
  • David Rossi: aka Captain Sass, the weird uncle, nosy but he's rich so it's okay, DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO STAY IN HIS LANE, always offers to babysit but he has no idea how children work, has so many stories that just can't be true but actually are, thinks he's cool and hip- might actually be but tbd still, somehow knows all, shows up at random times, can cook REALLY REALLY WELL, super Italian, thrives on pasta
  • Jason Gideon: crazy bird guy that lives across the street, makes pecan squares that he thinks are amazing but actually aren't, secretly paints in his basement (like Bob Ross-level paintings), people watches from his front window, awkward pats on the back, doesn't always understand social cues, throws A+ garage sales, yells at other people for not raking the leaves off their lawn in the fall, raises chickens without telling anyone
  • Elle Greenaway: can stab you with a knife, a gun, a chainsaw, and a machete all at the same time, mean older sister, WILL call you on your shit, thinks about death too much, everybody is afraid of her, skipped the emo phase, somehow came out of the womb a traumatized adult, 100% feminist, steals your food when you're not looking, doesn't like hugs, says it like it is, wears a lot of necklaces, confusing, has a thing for a guy in a uniform
  • Kate Callahan: has a lot of friends, seems really badass until she starts gushing about baby animals, volunteers at animal shelters, sorority sister, infinitely loyal, loves everybody until she hates them, knows how to appreciate the simple things, 5'2" of rage and fury and love, pure emotion, loves to cuddle, sometimes people confuse her, just wants to make the world a better place, hates vegetables but eats them anyway, drinks a lot of chocolate milk
  • Alex Blake: reads a lot, blue is her favorite color, went to college earlier than normal, a beautiful nerd, a rare species, deserves the world but gets a cup of coffee instead, underestimated, knows how and when to pull out the sass, ends up being the babysitter on all occasions, more mature than she should be, extremely level-headed, knows how to read between the lines really well, accepts everything thrown her way, underappreciated, needs to be told she's loved more often, breakfast is her favorite meal of the day, makes a lot of sandwiches for no reason at all
  • Tara Lewis: the cousin that everybody always forgets about, gets left behind on family outings and everybody has to go back to get her- she's strangely okay with it, just wants some kettle corn or cotton candy, puts ketchup on everything, shows up at colleges she's never been to just to party, okay with anything as long as she has a say, will talk to anybody, likes getting to know people, would totally speed-date, likes to watch old stand-up comedy and slam poetry videos on YouTube
  • Erin Strauss: won't admit that she's the mom, proud of all her children, owns 8 million sweatshirts from her alma mater that she constantly wears, kinda lonely but will never admit it, hates cooking with a passion, loves wine a little too much, seriously appreciates a good towel, would sell her soul for a massage
Slip Through Your Lips (Seventeen Preference)
  • (AN: based off a request I got asking how Seventeen would sound in bed. pretty nsfw; it sucks that they won't let you put chats under a cut??? so smut warning and if you don't like, don't read. -Tanisha<3)
  • S.Coups/Seungcheol: When it comes to moans/whimpers/etc, S.Coups would actually be fairly quiet. He'd more of a giver than a taker, and when he is receiving, he is more just heavy breaths and the very occasional deep groan. He saves that groan for when he's coming, probably with your name, and if you can get him to make noise otherwise it's a huge accomplishment. That and he's also a big dirty talker. I mean, he's got a gorgeous deep voice and he just loves the way you react to it and he would just dirty talk even if it was for himself.
  • Jeonghan: He just makes the absolute best sex noises. I've read some fics about the boys singing during and actually whatever noises he made would be so beautiful sounding that you might mistake them for song. Like he's just so perfect that this would bleed into every aspect of life. Even when he's getting head and there's right or wrong way to do that, he was just look so gorgeous and sound ten thousand times better. And the sound of your name being moaned off his lips would actually almost kill you because it sounds so good.
  • Joshua/Jisoo: Just imagine being on your knees in front of him and you're giving him so much pleasure it's almost painful and he's just on the verge of cumming when his mouth hangs open and his voice cracks when he lets out a heavy "Jesus Christ". I love the irony and it actually really suits him (and now I just can't get that out of my head). He has such a sweet, small voice that hearing him mutter filthy things ("you like that, babygirl?" or "God, you look so good on my cock.") would be a contrast that you would never get over. And hearing him swear over and over in that sweet voice - it would wreck you. (Cause just the thought wrecks me but that's off topic.)
  • Jun: He would also be another quiet one. He's so concentrated on you and not blowing his load early that he gets pretty quiet during sex. And he's so athletic (with all the dance and the martial arts) that it would take a lot to getting him panting or breathing heavily. But this doesn't really bother you much.
  • Hoshi/Soonyoung: This kid won't shut up during sex. We all know he's like sex wrapped up in a cheesy sweatband and sex would be all or nothing with him and it's never nothing. So he groans, moans, whimpers, panting, huffing; any imaginable or unimaginable human noise to make during sex will come out of his mouth. He gets so into the head space of sex and really lets himself get lost in you that he never ever holds himself back vocally.
  • Wonwoo: I find him so hard to peg. He could either be very quiet or surprise you and burst out the worst/best kind of dirty talk you've ever heard and have the moans of a porn star. He would probably feel like his moans need to be a show for you, so he might exaggerate them a little. That's not even a bad thing. He wants to let you know you're doing a good job and turning him on and he can do that with his dirty words and dirty, dirty sounds.
  • Woozi/Jihoon: Whimpers; he has those shaky little whimpers, especially because he desperately tries to hold himself back. He can be kind of a grump and he's got this well-established thing about pride, but when that first, tiny little whimper escapes him you know you've broken him. Then they slowly get louder and more intense and some of them even become high pitched moans, all mixed in with gusting breaths. During sex he breaths like someone who's trying not to sound out of breath; and it's actually incredibly sexy.
  • DK/Seokmin: Loves to bit his lip and kiss you to mask his noises. He indulges himself much more in your moans and prefers not to have the attention on himself. If anything he lets out that epic, finishing moan when he's orgasming and it cracks his voice and shudders in the best way.
  • Mingyu: This motherfucker is a groaner. He groans full and deep and lets it rumble through his chest so you can see it and feel it and hear it so clear and just let it fuck you up. He doesn't shy away from making noise, and it's deep and manly and always serves to turn you on.
  • The8/Minghao: A giant puppy and kind of hard for me to imagine in terms of sex; if anything, he got gasps down pat. Whatever you do in bed either takes him by surprise or just leaves him breathless and this results in a lot of pitchy gasps, mixed with your name and maybe he would even surprise you with some swears. I feel like he'd also be a lip-biter, trying to hold his sounds back because he would shy of them.
  • Seungkwan: An amazing moaner; he has the most beautiful voice and when he really gets into holding music notes, it sounds like just pure sex moans. He moans so nicely during sex that he could make a living doing audio porn. All nice and low and raspy. Sometimes higher pitched, ending in gasps. And he's not really a dirty-talker, but he's incredibly bossy during sex, and not afraid to tell his partner what he wants from them and exactly how, and this just comes out sounding like the best dirty talk of the century. I mean the sounds he makes during sex are anybody's wet dream.
  • Vernon/Hansol: his moans are perfect. He's another one with a sex voice; and when he gets in the bedroom he lets lust takeover every inch of his body and his mind gets completely hazed over. This means he reacts to everything you do, moaning and saying your name and swearing (we all know how much he loves his swears) at each little move you make. His voice is usually pretty worn out after sex, and toward his orgasm he gets the best rasp in his voice that's the biggest turn-on for you. You work to make that rasp worse each time and sometimes even put him out of commission for rapping the next day.
  • Dino/Chan: A lot of panting. Even though he dances he still not quite used to the full exertion of sex but he's still there with you the whole time and eager and excited for it. He asks a lot of questions - he needs to know if he's doing this right (even if he done it once or twice before) and if you like it and what you're thinking because your pleasure is the most important thing. He lets the occasional moan slip through, when his mind gets lost, and it's really embarrassed. Most of the time his mind is just far too busy during sex to let his body make noise.
Long Ass List of Daredevil Sentence Starters
  • "Scream all you want. Come on, let me hear you scream. Scream loud. Nobody gives a shit down here."
  • "I gotta go bribe a cop."
  • "But seriously, yeah, I gotta go bribe a cop."
  • "Please stop giving my mom cigars."
  • "Look, I'm not asking you to do anything immoral."
  • "You've never done this before?"
  • "Maybe we can help each other."
  • "All I did was ask him for a drink."
  • "Define yourself by what you have, value the differences, make no apologies for what you lack."
  • "I thought I detected a whiff of virtue in there."
  • "But I'm awkward and unfashionable. Those things don't seem to apply to you."
  • "I just don't feel like going home okay?"
  • "So let's hop a few bars, not think about it."
  • "Your outfit kind of sucks, by the way."
  • "You haven't told me anything about you."
  • "Okay, good because I was starting to worry you might be in love with me."
  • "I drank the eel. Not a euphemism."
  • "And we are now filled with mighty eel strength!"
  • "After what you told me, I'm never going home again."
  • "I know you're scared, but I'm here to help you. Okay? - You don't have to be scared anymore."
  • "I make a heck of a latte, if you're interested."
  • "Facts have no moral judgment. They merely state what is. Not what we think of them, not what we feel."
  • "I know how hard this must be for you."
  • "You have no idea how any of this is for me."
  • "They have to pay for what they've done."
  • "They won't listen."
  • "We'll make them listen."
  • "You do not want to test me."
  • "You think this is still about you?"
  • "You should have just killed me. You coward."
  • "This is an offer, not an order."
  • "I did some digging into your, uh past activities."
  • "A man/woman that can be bought isn't worth having."
  • "I said you should move on. Didn't say anything about me."
  • "Even though our perception of it changes, one thing remains constant. The past can never be completely erased. It lingers."
  • "I've been lied to before by men/women. Some were even decent ones but they still felt the need to be dishonest about things that mattered."
  • "Hey, that's not a reason, it's an excuse."
  • "He's/She's like a sexual Rain Man."
  • "I want you to touch my face."
  • "Just tell me what you feel."
  • "You need anything else, you know where to find me."
  • "You want the short answer or the long one?"
  • "We need to contain this."
  • "Lying to that woman is impossible."
  • "Choose a side."
  • "I'm the closest he/she has to family. He'd/She'd do the same for me."
  • "That wasn't very smart, but it was fun watching you bleed."
  • "Life is not a fairy tale. Not everyone deserves a happy ending."
  • "Animals don't stop fighting. Not until one of them is dead."
  • "Admittedly, I'm a work in progress."
  • "Let's get this started."
  • "You know what they call stuff like that? Gifts. The special kind. The kind that very few people have. Or deserve."
  • "Smart don't come out of books, kid. Smart is making the right decision at the right time."
  • "Big world. Not all of it flowers and sunshine, and the only way guys like you and me can survive is to grab it by the throat and never let go."
  • "Are you gonna lie there all night or get up off your ass?"
  • "What a shithole."
  • "This is my life and I made something of it, without you."
  • "Relationships are a luxury men like you and me can't afford."
  • "Is that why you left? Huh? To protect me?"
  • "You got heart kid, but heart's not enough."
  • "Anger is a spark, good. Rage is a wildfire, out of control, therefore useless. Just like you."
  • "We all pay for our choices."
  • "I've learned a lot since you've been gone."
  • "You're a dick."
  • "Say that you want my help."
  • "I want you to help yourself."
  • "I don't need a friend. I need a soldier."
  • "In war, people die. If it's not you, it's the guy next to you."
  • "I swear I will not kill anybody. Pussy."
  • "Never is a man more good looking than when he is in love."
  • "You do your job, I'll do mine."
  • "On occasion some dickery may leak out, but doesn't mean I'm wrong."
  • "So, how long before I do something that pisses you off?"
  • "You can't listen to people like that. You have to just block them out."
  • "Yeah, you're just a guy, right? A really, really good-looking guy."
  • "If you weren't half dead, I would kick your ass."
  • "We're gonna be the best damn avocados this city has ever seen."
  • "Misspelling 'Hanukkah' is a mistake. Attempted murder is a little something else."
  • "Well, we seldom get everything we want. Not in this world."
  • "You were really something back in the day. When you had a soul."
  • "I'm not afraid to die."
  • "We'll be together, that's all that matters."
  • "You really think that this will change anything?"
Garrett and Marian - Legacy Banters
  • Marian: Well... not quite how I imagined this family reunion going. I was envisioning more hugs and maybe some wine over dinner. Not attempted assassinations
  • Carver: Really? You think this is so abnormal for our family?
  • Marian: Well you got me there
  • ---
  • Bethany: What could our father have to do with this mess? The Carta have had more than enough time to try and find us
  • Garrett: I imagine that having two Champions of Kirkwall with the last name Hawke may have tipped them off
  • Bethany: But it's been three years since you and sis defeated the Arishok. Why wait that long?
  • Marian: Well I don't know about you, but if I was going to go after the people who killed an Arishok then I'd probably want to make a little time for planning, wouldn't you?
  • Carver: Do these morons strike you as the sensible type?
  • Marian: Two points in one day Carver? Don't tell me the Templars are actually drilling some wit into that skull of yours
  • Carver: *laughs* At least /my/ wit makes a point, dear sister
  • Bethany: Ooh, that had to hurt
  • Garrett: Do you need some healing for that one, Marian?
  • Marian: Oh shove off, all of you
  • ---
  • Garrett: And we're back in the Deep Roads
  • Marian: Oh it's not that bad. I mean... Look at all the... Ugh, no, you're right this is terrible. Let's all promise never to go to the Deep Roads after this. Three times is enough
  • Garrett: Three times? When was the second?
  • Marian: Um... well...
  • Carver and Bethany: *sing song voices* Somebody's in trouble
  • ---
  • Bethany: Varric wrote to me the other day
  • Garrett: Telling another of his stories, I bet. Was it the one about the high dragon, because that didn't really-
  • Bethany: No. He was giving me an update. On you, actually. I was... worried, so I wrote to him and asked
  • Garrett: I'm fine Beth. Really
  • Bethany: No you're not. Not yet. But I know you, and if anyone can get past it, you can
  • Garrett: Thank you
  • ---
  • Carver: You might want to be watch yourself, Garrett
  • Garrett: How come?
  • Carver: Ever since you sided with Orsino the other day, there's been... Rumours. Meredith isn't happy with you, and it's only because she allows it that you're still free
  • Garrett: So is she going to have me dragged to the Circle, or is she getting the Brand ready now?
  • Fenris: Don't say that
  • Carver: I would never let it get that far. But I thought I'd warn you, just in case you were thinking about making her mad
  • Garrett: I appreciate you telling me Carver. Don't worry. I'll be careful
  • ---
  • *after completing Malcolm's Will*
  • Marian: So... the stonework down here is... lovely, isn't it?
  • Carver: Not now, Mary
  • Marian: I was only... Alright
  • ---
  • Marian: Are you okay, Gary?
  • Garrett: I'm fine... Just...
  • Marian: He loved you. And Bethany. He'd be so proud of you
  • Garrett: You sound so sure of that
  • Marian: Of course I am. Because it's true. And don't let that nasty shit in your head tell you otherwise - it's a liar, remember
  • Garrett: *chuckles* Alright
  • Bethany: Be careful sister, people might think you've got a heart after all
  • Marian: *dramatically* Oh no! *clutches chest* I think... I think I'm getting feelings! Quick, someone beat them out of me!
  • Carver: *laughs* You be careful what you wish for sister
  • Isabela: I'd rather ride them out of you
  • Garrett: Ah, and there's the dirty line. I was starting to worry something was wrong Bela
  • Isabela: And you're as sweet as ever, Garrett
  • ---
  • Varric: Twenty silvers, that's my final offer. Take it or leave it Elf
  • Marian: What are you betting on, and why am I getting left out of it?
  • Varric: You want in? We're betting on what it'll take to get Junior and Waffles to hug
  • Garrett: *groans* You're not calling me 'Waffles' again, are you?
  • Varric: I have to. Every time I say 'Hawke' all four of you turn around. I'm being considerate
  • Carver: I bet there's /someone/ here who'd like to see him covered in syrup
  • Garrett: Carver!
  • Fenris: *embarrassed noises*
  • Isabela: Ooh, new friend-fiction idea!
  • Garrett: Don't you even dare!
  • Isabela: Too late, already dared. Can we make camp? I need to make notes
  • ---
  • Varric: Hey, Rivaini, I'm expecting royalties if that friend-fiction of yours gets published
  • Carver: When you didn't even come up with it?
  • Varric: You wouldn't have brought up syrup if I didn't call him Waffles
  • Garrett: Maker save me...
  • Bethany: And me...
  • Marian: Usually I like dirty things... But this is too far, even for me
  • Isabela: Are you saying you wouldn't like it if /I/ were covered in syrup?
  • Marian: Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realise you were my very hairy twin brother, Bela
  • Isabela: Well when you put it that way...
  • ---
  • Isabela: I always thought we were the loud ones, you know
  • Fenris: What?
  • Marian: I know right. Maybe they're just less shy about it now
  • Garrett: Do I want to know?
  • Isabela: You already know. Or did you deafen yourself?
  • Marian: To think, they don't need us shouting encouragement through the wall anymore. I'm so proud
  • Isabela: Our boys are growing up so fast. Maybe next they'll master foreplay
  • Carver: Oh Maker, I do not want to hear this
  • Bethany: Neither do I
  • Garrett: *loudly* And I would be very happy if we could stop talking about this. Right now
  • Isabela: Yeah, see. That kind of loud
  • Fenris: *deadpan* If you're so fascinated by Garrett being loud, then you must not be doing a very good job at making Marian scream, Isabela
  • Marian: Oooooooo
  • Isabela: Oh, you snarky little shit
  • Bethany: *loudly* If we could stop discussing my older brother's and sister's sex lives, I would appreciate it
  • Carver: *loudly* Oh look, more darkspawn. Let's kill them so we can stop talking about this
  • ---
  • Marian: So our choices are the nice, Tainted madman, or the mage who wants to let a darkspawn magister out of his hole in the ground? Why can we never make nice decisions, like what kind of wine to have with dinner?
  • Fenris: I agree. It is the only decision worth making
  • Marian: When you're not throwing it at the walls, I assume?
  • Fenris: That was six years ago
  • Marian: And you never offered me a glass
  • Fenris: You are recycling jokes now? Has the great Marian Hawke's wit finally lost it's edge?
  • Marian: Ooh, you are just asking for it now
  • ---
  • Varric: You okay Garrett? You've been a bit quiet since-
  • Garrett: I'm fine Varric. There's more important things to be worried about right now
  • Varric: It's not easy to realise that someone you looked up to wasn't quite what you imagined. You ever need to talk, you know where my suite is
  • ---
  • Isabela: So... is no one going to bring up the fact that Varric called Garrett by his name earlier?
  • Varric: What are you talking about Rivaini? Waffles and I were just having a friendly chat
  • Isabela: Don't bullshit me. You called him Garrett. I heard you
  • Varric: That doesn't sound like me, Rivaini
  • Marian: He called you by your name when Velasco carted you off to Castillon
  • Isabela: What?! No fair, I didn't get to hear!
  • ---
  • Bethany: Are you sure about this, brother?
  • Garrett: It has to be done
  • Bethany: I could do it. I am a Hawke after all, and a mage. You don't need to-
  • Garrett: No, Bethany
  • Bethany: But-!
  • Garrett: Bethy, if I let you use blood magic, I'd never be able to live with myself
  • Bethany: And if you do it, will you be able to live with it?
  • Garrett: I'd rather it be me than you
  • ---
  • Varric: If he pulls a dragon out of his ass, I'm leaving!
  • Marian: Oh great, and now he's almost certain to pull a dragon out of his arse! Way to go Varric
  • ---
  • Bethany: Here, you didn't get a chance to close that wound earlier
  • Garrett: Thank you
  • Fenris: I just hope it was worth it
  • Marian: Well we /did/ just kill a darkspawn magister. I can't wait to hear how Varric tells this one
  • Varric: Well I doubt I'll have to exaggerate a damn thing, considering how weird this shit is
  • Fenris: That isn't what I meant...
  • Garrett: I'd have avoided it if I could, but someone had to. And if it meant sparing my little sister from that...
  • Fenris: I understand. But... Please, just be more careful from now on
  • Garrett: I will, I promise
  • Isabela: You two are so sappy... It's actually rather cute
50% OFF starters.
  • "You can't have sex with your neighbor's backyard above-ground pool."
  • "let me help you out of that swimsuit-- POOL."
  • "I sure hope we become best friends! but I don't hope we have a falling out, leading us to have a tense, emotion-heavy, dramatic, competitive, love/hate relationship later on."
  • "so anyways I regain consciousness, there's cops everywhere, (name) is covered in blood, got an icepick-- haha it was kind of a weird tuesday."
  • "we're gonna be late for anime school!"
  • "I'm just saying, is it illegal if I'm in my OWN pool?"
  • "WHAT'S UP SLUTS. GUESS WHO JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON!"
  • "(name) WAS A BITCH-ASS POSER."
  • "oh no, he's hot when he's sad!"
  • "this reminds me of prison. this reminds me of prison. this DEFINITELY reminds me of prison."
  • "look at that little pimp. he's gonna grow up to be a prison ass mothafucka."
  • "let's skip all the fluff and get to the part where we're shirtless."
  • "homeboy looks like shark week, I ain't messin' with that."
  • "It wasn't a dream! We got arrested for trespassing! We went to JAIL!"
  • "Nah, man, we went to holding. there's a big difference."
  • "Yeah now we owe Easter Dave a favor-- that is NOT a position you wanna be in."
  • "Wouldn't we have seen him around by now? I mean he is a bipedal shark-person."
  • "I'VE GOT MACE!"
  • "Was macing us really necessary AFTER you remembered who we were?!?"
  • "you took the fall for me and I said thank you."
  • "I went to jail!"
  • "I spent 6 months at a correctional facility!"
  • "I stabbed a girl in the yard!"
  • "I think that guard you killed had a family!"
  • "look at that majestic ass mothafucka. like a dolphin or some shit. a dolphin with legs... and arms... and a jetpack."
  • "BITCH GET IN THE POOL!"
  • "that's how they do it in Austrailia."
  • "20 bucks on jabber jaws."
  • "hey, man did you Tivo Glee last night?"
  • "I'm not allowed to watch Glee, my dad says it might turn me into something bad. A musical theater major."
  • "Neither one of them even died!"
  • "they won't let me back into sewing club because apparently when I threaten someone with sewing needles it's deemed 'inappropriate' and I 'have to leave'."
  • "I have to tumblr this!"
  • "a guy with emotional issues who swims away his problems? Lady, that's the whole team, you're gonna have to be more specific."
  • "I ship them! and them!"
  • "they hate each other, but they also fuck each other!"
  • "hey we try not to get this part of the gym wet so whatever you're doing is gonna have to stop."
  • "so do you wanna come back to my place, listen to some Dave Matthews and talk about my work out routine?"
  • "I wonder if that stuff I hid is still here? ...nah, cops probably took it."
  • "do you know? do you know for sure? Because I don't need another incident."
  • "If I get out of this chair I guarantee you'll end up in one with wheels."
  • "Ok. I'll admit, I'm a little threatened."
  • "'sup bitches!~"
  • "aren't you that guy who drowned a kid? and burned down that building?"
  • "get back to it before you learn a lesson in post-war, urban torture practices."
  • "Remember, snitches get stitches!"
  • "shut up you're high as balls!"
  • "you're just mad because mom and dad thought you were a girl for the first year of your life."
  • "right, son. and speaking of crushing disappointments-"
  • "coach tried to get me to vandalize a police station again."
  • "good thing I wore my Heelys."
  • "he's so hot but so crazy! which makes him even MORE hot!"
  • "Come on let me get those digits baby!"
  • "It should be illegal to be that fine!"
  • "oh just basic addition and subtraction. he was subtracting from my profits so I'm going to add a few extra holes in him."
  • "this doesn't seem like the time for polka-renditions of Ke$ha songs."
  • "I hate it when you leave but I love watching you go."
  • "Yeah I've seen him. He's in my scrapbook class. He cuts the eyes out of magazine photos."
  • "your arrest record is extensive... and amateur."
  • "the fact that you continue to avoid indefinite incarceration is insanityAND THE FACT THAT OUR LAW ENFORCEMENT CAN'T PUT AWAY SOMEONE WITH SUCH BLATANT DISREGARD FOR CONVENTIONAL CRIMINAL FUNCTION BAFFLES THE MIND."
  • "I want that boy to be my bride!"
  • "Pilates will do that man, works your core."
  • "what are we waiting for? let's go bro! let's gbro!"
  • "wow you sure said that."
  • "WOOP! WOOP! hold it, I'm gonna have to pull you over for exceeding recommended hotness."
  • "One time we went camping in the woods, I just left 'em there. Nobody found them for like 5 days. I don't even think their families cared, kinda sad, really."
  • "So, what you're saying is, if they disappeared, no one would notice?"
  • "well I've gotta go not talk to you anymore."
  • "I learned how to swim the old fashioned way. When I was five my dad took me out to a lake and tossed me right in the water."
  • "I'm so happy right now! --and it's not just cause I get to see you in a bunch of different swimsuits. Ok I lied, I'm sorry, that's mostly the reason."
  • "SHE'S A WITCH! PUSH HER IN THE POOL!"
  • "hey I know you! You helped me smuggle some stuff out of the country! How've you been kid?"
if this isn't love, then what is?
  • stefan salvatore:
  • she's the love of my life, i'd go back to her in a heart beat.
  • if it were my choice, i'd want to be with you forever
  • if it meant i got to be with her, have children, grow old with her.. if it meant we'd die together, be buried together then yes. i would take the cure
  • i would never hurt you, you're safe with me
  • when you and i were together every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing. that we were the perfect fit.
  • actually i don't pretend to be anything when i'm with her. that's the whole point. i just get to be myself.
  • but you know, the life that we had, it was amazing too. and it wasn't a spell or a prophecy, it was real. we fell in love on our own.
  • you know, this is a future memory. it's where your boyfriend whispered to you that he loved you. i love you.
  • how do i not remember you? i mean you're smart, you're pretty, you're funny. obviously you're the strongest woman in the world.
  • every time that i tell myself that i'm moving on, there's this part of me that just can't seem to shake her.
  • i was a better person when i was with her. i didn't think i'd ever feel that way again. until elena.
  • i love you. i will always love you.
  • i love you so much.
  • i'm simply not able to resist her.
  • elena is warm and she's kind and she's selfless and it's real. when i'm around her i completely forget what i am.
  • elena gilbert:
  • i love him damon. no matter what i feel for you i never unfell for him.
  • no! you don't get to make that decision for me. if you walk away, it's for you because i know what i want. stefan i love you.
  • for once i don't regret the day before it begins. because i know i'll see him again.
  • but i love stefan, it's always going to be stefan.
  • it's you and me stefan, always.
  • i thought i couldn't be with you stefan but i can. you don't have to push me away. i can do this.
  • but i love you stefan. I love you stefan, you.
  • i cant lose the way i feel about you.
  • i dont want us to be apart anymore, ever.
  • stefan, my wrist. here. take my wrist. you need more blood. i trust you.
  • i cant lose the way i feel about you.
  • i love him damon. he came into my life when i needed someone and i fell for him instantly.
  • i kind off felt like i didn't know how to live anymore but then being with stefan... somehow i figured it out
  • i love you so much
  • i picked you because i love you. and no matter what happens that's the best choice i ever made.
  • look, he would never give up on me so i'm not gonna give up on him.
  • i love you stefan. hold on to that. never let that go.
  • other tvd characters:
  • katherine: you'd never look at me the way you look at elena, would you?
  • klaus: now this is fascinating i've never seen this before. the only thing stronger than your craving for blood is your love for this one girl.
  • klaus: and that's why you're her better option. i personally think she's wasting her time with damon.
  • rebekah: i envy that. you and elena. i envy the love you have.
  • klaus: well crazy or not that kind of love never dies.
  • caroline: i'm sorry but stefan is your epic love. and i'm not going down without a fight.
  • rose: stefan is different. his love is pure, he'll always be good for him.
  • klaus: personally i don't see a fairytale ending for you. all i see is stefan and elena.
  • klaus: must be hard trying to live up to stefan. he stopped himself when i compelled him to feed on elena. that's love.
  • lexi: when it's real you cant walk away.
  • caroline: you and her - epic. her and damon? ew
  • gloria: there's this girl with a necklace. you love her. you'd do anything for her.
  • damon: you're still wearing this necklace. isn't that a reminder of your unbreakable bond with stefan?
Church's story arc ending monologues:
  • Alpha (Season 5): You know Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders, and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that's happened, you know what I've learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or a pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant or an idiot or know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise people on a personal level. Not because they're red, or because they're blue, but because ya know them, and you see them every single day. And you can't stand them, because they're a complete and total fucking douchebag.
  • Epsilon (Season 8): I'd like to say that I found her right away, that I just walked into the Epsilon Unit, and there she was, waiting for me. As you can probably guess, it didn't happen that way, but, I know she's in here somewhere, and I'll find her. We always seem to find each other, for better or for worse. I don't know why the Director did what he did. I don't know if he was trying to revive a memory from his past, or if he was just trying to get it out of his head. But I figured out something that the Director didn't. It took Alpha, Delta, and the rest to help piece it together for me, but what I've learned is that a great love is a lot like a good memory. When it's there, and you know it's there, but it's just out of your reach, it can be all that you think about. You can focus on it, and try to force it, but the more you do, the more you seem to push it away. But if you're patient, and you hold still, then maybe... Just maybe... It will come to you. I just need to make sure I'm somewhere she can find me. I think this place is a little different than it was before. See, out there, everything is based on the Alpha, but in here, I guess I'm the Alpha. And maybe this time through, things will be a little different for me as well. I guess I'll find out. And I mean, hell, if you have to live the rest of your life in a memory... you might as well make it a good one.
  • Epsilon (Season 13): It was Doyle who made me realize something I never thought of before. There are so many stories that some brave hero to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everyone lives happily ever after. But the hero never sees gets to see that ending. They'll never know if their sacrifice actually makes a difference, they'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just need to have faith. Ain't that a bitch?

anonymous asked:

I only wish with all my heart that this will end soon. Because if it does not end soon, I do not know how long Louis can handle all this ... without breaking. I do not want to be here to watch it break ... I do not think I can watch it. He is human. And all they have done to him is cruel and unjust. I want him treated with respect and dignity. That 's all I want. (End)

He is human. Remember Steve’s words about JHO being his “most human song, most human production”? About how Louis’ album made him “feel something incredibly human”? That he’s “an amazing, amazing human being”. Remember Louis writing a song to try to humanise himself as much as possible?

You know, sometimes I think we have to be careful praising Louis’ strength, because I feel like there’s a fine line between marvelling at his fortitude and believing him to be invincible, untouchable, able to withstand everything. I feel like some people having fallen into this pattern of believing Louis isn’t affected by all of this. That because he has managed to remain upright despite being under fire, it means no bullets have hit him. That as long as he crawls to the finish line, it doesn’t matter the weight he is burdened with or all the barbed wire that might tear him apart in the process.

Louis is a human being. And one who, somehow, in spite of everything, has chosen to leave himself vulnerable and share—and honestly, some of it is just… visible—some of his pain with us? Songs are open to interpretation, of course, but the lyrics in… all of his solo songs, really… seem pretty straightforward to me… And in my opinion, you honestly have to ignore or downplay or make JLY about something else entirely not to get a clear message of how he is human and suffers like we all do.

I don’t know how or when it’s going to end, anon. And I worry about Louis being able to take this constant, cruel assault upon his person, too. From the forceful closeting, to the character assassination, to the career sabotage— and I believe, as an artist, his music is linked to him and his sense of self and worth, which makes it even worse. It’s a brutal, concentrated attack upon his identity.

It’s heartbreaking.

I definitely want the same things a you: Louis treated with respect and dignity, and free to make his own choices—true choices.

I hope… he is and will be as alright as it is possible for him to be. I hope he gets his much deserved sweet happiness. Whatever that means. His words today— echoing previous statements—about him doing this for us… I hope we help to make it somewhat worth it, but I hope he knows he owes us nothing, and we will support him no matter what. All we want is his happiness.

I can’t tell you what to do, it would be irresponsible of me, probably, to entreat you to stay—and I suppose there are different ways of “staying”. I only know I will be here for Louis, to whatever end.

  • *Bart's Christmas party*
  • Sherlock & Molly: *watching the new surgeon*
  • Molly: *wringing her hands* I'm not sure about this.
  • Sherlock: Nonsense. We practiced. You're ready.
  • Molly: *bites her lip* Yeah, but...that was different.
  • Sherlock: *frowns* How is it different?
  • Molly: *gestures* That was with you. It felt natural, like I knew what I was doing *watches the surgeon stand beneath the mistletoe* How you like to be snogged could be very different to how Doctor Galloway likes to be kissed.
  • Sherlock: *sceptical* Weeelll...
  • Molly: *rambling* Does he like tongue? Do I nibble his lip? Where do I put my hands? *panics* We didn't go through hand techniques, Sherlock!
  • Sherlock: *rolls his eyes* You'll be fine, Molly. I've had worse, far worse *moving her towards her target* all you need to focus on is Galloway *pauses* not me. Your best snog ever.
  • Molly: *chuckles* Yeah, thanks, I'll try.
  • Sherlock: *smiles* Good luck *leaves, heading for the bar*
  • Molly: *takes a deep breath; approaching the mistletoe*
  • LATER
  • Sherlock: *drinking whiskey*
  • Mary: *leaning on the bar; amused* What are you doing?
  • Sherlock: *murmurs* Go away.
  • Mary: *giggles; sing-song* You can't stop thinking about her.
  • Sherlock: *ignores her*
  • Mary: *nudges him* Come on, I'd have loved this.
  • Sherlock: *smiles* I know.
  • Mary: And you know what I'd say?
  • Sherlock: *blinks* I'm an idiot?
  • Mary: *nods* Yup, and?
  • Sherlock: *sighs; drinks the whiskey* I miss you, you know *marches towards Molly*
  • Mary: *nods, smiling sadly* I know.
  • Baby: J-J-J
  • Mom: Come on you can do it. Juice?
  • Baby: Ja- Ja-Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it's 🎶beautiful🎶. In the year negative a billion Japan might not have been here. In the year negative fourty thousand it was here and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, some ice burgs melted, it became an island, and now there's lots of trees! because it's warmer. So now there's people on the island, they're basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology like stones and bowls. Ding dong, it's the outside world and they have technology from the future (bronze age) like really good metal and c r a z y r i c e f a r m s. Now you can make A LOT of rice like really really quickly. That means if you own the farm you own a lot of food which is something everybody needs to SURVIVE. So that makes you king. Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land. All the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here(hi), here(chikushi), here(izumo), here(kibi), here(yamato), here(koshi), and here(kenu). But this one (yamato) was the most most important, ruled by a "heavenly superperson" called (emperor) for short. Knock knock. Get the door, it's RELIGION. The new prince (prince shotoku) wants everyone to try this hot new religion (buddhism) from Baekj. "Please try this religion." He said. "No." Said everybody. "Try iiiittt" He said. "No." Said everybody again, quieter this time. And so the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it. Then the government was taken over by a new clique and they made some reforms (Taika Reforms) like -making the government govern more and -making the government more like China's government, which is a government that governs more. "Hi China." They said. "Hi dipshit." (hi "wa"(dwarf)) Said China. "Can you call us something else, other than dipshit?" Said Japan. "Like what?" Said China. "🎶How about sunrise land?🎶" (nihon) (Japan) and so they stole China's alphabet and wrote a book about themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for awhile. Right here (kyoto). And they conquered the north finally. Get that squared away. A rich hipster named kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits china, and learns a better version (zen buddhism) which is more 🎶spiritual🎶. He goes back, reinvents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be 🎶great🎶 for a long time and the rural palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn't give a shit about running the country. So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? 🎶Hire a samurai🎶. Everyone started hiring samurai. Correction - rich important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organised and powerful. More powerful than the government. So they made their own military government here. They let the emperor still be "emperor" but the shogun is actually in control. BREAKING NEWS the Mongols have invaded China. "We've invaded China" said the Mongols, "Please respect us or else we might invade you as well." "Okay" said Japan. So the Mongols came over, ready for war. Then died in a tornado. But they tried again and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese but then died in a tornado. Then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back then moves to kyoto and makes a new shogunate (ashikaga shogunate). The "emperor" can still dress like an emperor if he wants that's fine. 🎶Now there's more art🎶. Like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. It's time for "who's going to be the next shogun?" Usually it's the shogun's kid, but the shogun doesn't have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun, he says "✔ok." But then the shogun has a kid, so now who's it gonna be? Vote now on your phones, and everyone voted so hard (onin war) that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn't care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces (sengoku jidai). Everyone is fighting with each other for local power and it's anybody's game. Knock knock, it's Europe. No, they're not here to take over (yet). They just wanna sell some shit. Like clocks and guns and 🎶jesus🎶. So that's cool, but everyone's still fighting each other for control. Now with guns!! and wouldn't it be nice to control the capital (kyoto)? Which right now is puppets with no one controlling them. This clan (imagawa) is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan (oda) which is in the way. Surprise! the smaller clan wins and the leader of that clan (oda nobunaga) steals the idea of invading the capital and invades the capital. And it goes very well 👍. He's about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him, then someone else who works for him kills them. And that guy (toyotomi hideyoshi) finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody's swords. And made some rules (no having a sword (or a gun) no climbing the social ladder pay taxes). "and now I'm going to invade korea and then hopefully china" he said and failed, and also died. But before he died he told these five guys (council of 5 elders) (ukita hideie, uesugi kagekatsu, mori terumoto, tokugawa ieyasu, maeda toshiie) to take care of his five-year-old son until he's old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said, "Yeah, right. It's not gonna be this kid. It's gonna be one of us. Cuz we're grownups. And it's probably gonna be this guy (tokugawa ieyasu) who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight and he wins. And starts a new government right here, 🎶Edo🎶 and he still lets the "emperor" dress like an emperor and have very nice things, but don't get confused, this is the new government (tokugawa family) and they're very strict. So strict they closed the country. (sakoku 鎖国 closed country) No one can leave and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch if they wanna buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here (dejima). Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot, business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published, there was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and dutch studies. People started to study european science from books they bought from the dutch. We're talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity. Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down. Knock knock. It's the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats. "Open the country. Stop having it be closed." Said the United States. There's really nothing they can do so they signed a contract that lets the united states, britain, and russia visit japan any time they want. choshu and satsuma hated this 👎. "That sucks." They said. "This sucks!!!" and with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate (boshin war) and somehow made the emperor (emperor meiji) emperor again and moved him to Eto which they renamed "Eastern Capital". They made a new government, which was "a lot more western" (-new york times review). They made a new constitution (meiji constitution) that was pretty western. And a military that was pretty western (large). And do you know what else is Western? That's right, it's conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea. So they conquered Korea. Taking it from its previous owner, china, and then got a little further and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, "stop, no, you can't take that we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water." and Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. And then when the railroad was done they downgraded to A FUCK TON. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade. And Japan says "can you maybe chill?" and then Russia says "How About Maybe You Chill?" Japan is kinda scared of Russia. You'll never guess who's also kinda scared of Russia. Great Britain! So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance so they can be "a little less scared of Russia". Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia (russo-japanese war) just for a moment and then they both get tired and stop. 🎶it's time for World War 1🎶 The World is about to Have A War. Cuz it's the 1900s and weapons are getting crazy and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants MORE. the next thing on their list is this part of China (qingdao) and lots of tiny islands (palau, marianas, carolines, marshall islands). But all that stuff belongs to Germany, who just had war declared on them from Britain because Britain was friends with Belgium which was being trespassed by Germany so they could get to France to kick France's ass because France is friends with Russia who is getting ready to kick Austria's ass because Austria was just about to kick Serbia's ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria's ass. Or... actually they shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means. Duh. 🎶japan should take the islands🎶 which they wanted to do anyway. So they called Britain on the tele(gram) to sort of let them know (can we take the islands thanks). Then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. Now the war is over and congratulations Japan! you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table (paris peace conference) with the big dudes where they decided who owns what. And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. You also get to join the post-war mega alliance 🎶the League of Nations🎶 whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. The great depression is bad and Japan's economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine and it invades manchuria. And the League of Nations is like, "no, don't do that, if you're in the league of nations you're not supposed to take over the world!" and Japan said 🎶"how bout i do anyway?"🎶 and Japan invaded more and more and more and more of China. and was planning to invade the entire East. You've got mail! It's from Germany, the new leader of Germany. He has a cool mustache and he's trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. 🎶it's time for World War 2! (the sequel)🎶 Germany is invading the neighbors then they invade the neighbor's neighbors then the neighbor's neighbor's neighbors who happen to be Britain said 🎶"holy shit"🎶 and the United States started helping Britain because they're 🎶good friends🎶 and they started not helping Japan because 🎶"their friends and our friends are not friends" "plus they're planning on invading the entire ocean"🎶 the United States is also working on a large very huge bomb (atom bomb). "bigger than any other bomb, ever™" just in case. But they still haven't joined the war. War looks bad on TV and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii (pearl harbor) and then challenges them to war. They say yes. And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship ❤, declares war on the United States also. So the United States goes to war in Europe. And they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany and they also start chasing Japan back into Japan. And they haven't used the bomb yet, and they're curious to see if it works. So they drop it on Japan (hiroshima). They actually dropped two (nagasaki). The United States installed a new government inspired by the United States government. With just the right ingredients for a 🎶post-war economic miracle🎶 and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can and also better than everybody else. They get rich. And the economy goes wild. And then the miracle wears off. But everything is still pretty cool I guess. 🎶Bye🎶