like an abusive ex girlfriend

anonymous asked:

hi ashley! you don't have to answer this right now at all, just whenever you are feeling up to it! <3 i know you get a lot of asks and are busy most times but yeah just letting you know. i just wasn't sure if neglect was a form of abuse? like in my relationship with my ex girlfriend, i had a lot of neglect from her and she barely responded to my texts most days, or whenever we talked she would make most issues about her. i also was going through a rly traumatic experience and she (1/2)

barely acknowledged my mental health during that time and instead said she spiraled into her own bout of depression. and she never asked me how i was doing and sometimes she would just never text me for like a week straight. and i’ve tried to read up on it because she never technically said anything mean to me? but she was never there for me but i wasn’t sure if that counted as abuse or not but anyway wanted to ask. and it’s okay if you don’t know/have the answers! <3 have a great day! (2/2)

Hi, dear! Thank you. <3

I have to admit that I’m not completely sure here, because I think that abuse-by-neglect mostly occurs when perpetrated by parents with their children, because children are completely dependent on their parents. I’m not sure if neglect qualifies as outright abuse between two independent adults in an equal relationship.

BUT, I can definitely say that what you had was a very unhealthy relationship, and that your ex treated you badly. Even if it’s not abuse, it was a toxic relationship, and she completely failed to hold up her end of things. 

It’s possible she was abusive by means of manipulation, such as if she minimized and silenced your struggles by making things always about her struggles. Abuse doesn’t have to be saying mean things, it can be more like passive-aggressive guilt tripping or demanding support from you when you’re in a bad place, and playing the victim if you fail to give her what she wants. 

So I can’t say for sure, but if you feel that it was abusive, if you feel like her behavior towards you caused you a lot of pain, then I think it’s probably okay for you to label it as abusive if that feels right to you. Abuse can be a nebulous, indescribable thing sometimes, and sometimes only you can really understand how it was abusive. I don’t think it would be wrong to describe it as abuse if that’s how it felt to you.

I hope that helps, and I hope you find someone who treats you a LOT better, dear.