The house seemed empty, when you woke up in the morning. You stared at the walls of the spare bedroom where you’d slept last night after another blazing row. Your eyes were sore from the tears, they felt like someone has crushed tiny bits of glass and rubbed them into the your eyes during the night.
How many more times were you going to fight? How many more times were going to wonder if you and he had made a huge mistake by getting married?
Slinging the covers back you crept out of the room and down the hall. You needed to get your work clothes out of the bedroom but you didn’t want to wake him. Not yet.
Seeing the door was open, you were surprised. It was still early and he normally slept late when he could. You were even more surprised to see the bed was perfectly made as if it hadn’t been slept in. It was only then that you actually took in the rest of the room. The closets were open and his clothes were missing. You spotted a piece of paper folded on your pillow, sitting down you opened it.
I can’t keep doing this. I think we should separate.
I can’t bear an argument about that either, so I’ve taken my things and I’ve gone to my Mom’s. Please don’t try to contact me, I’ll call you to make arrangements to collect the rest of my stuff and I’ll make contact with a lawyer. Irreconcilable differences should cut it.
When you get what you want, but not what you need.
You were late to work. You almost hadn’t gone in but you needed the distraction.
You spoke to Hotch privately, he needed to know, he was your supervisor after all. He’d offered to push through some leave for you but you’d told him no. Work was all you had right now.
The rest of the team treaded carefully around you, they knew something was wrong. You’d piled on the make up this morning, trying to hide your pale face and chapped lips but nothing could hide how small and piggy like your eyes had become. No amount of eye drops could disguise the blood shot eyes.
There were little touches of your shoulder from the girls , soft sad smiles from Derek and Rossi, and coffee and chocolate placed by your computer when you’d got back from the ladies room, from Reid you presumed. They all knew you and him had been having problems, but none of them asked today. They knew, that you knew that they were there if you wanted to talk.
And maybe you would in a few days. Right now, it was raw. Bitter. You spent the day with your head buried in a file, barely paying attention to anything around you and swallowing back sobs.
Luckily, the team weren’t called away on a case. You weren’t sure you’d have been able to go with them if they had. Your head wouldn’t have been in the game and you’d have been more of a hinderence than a help.
The hours passed by and it was soon finishing time. Too soon.
You didn’t want to go home to an empty house. A house full of memories.
You drove around the streets for hours until it grew dark, finally pulling up outside your house. It no longer looked like home to you. It was just a shell, a container for a life that you would no longer live.
You reached into the back seat of the car and pulled out a blanket you kept there for emergencies, then you walked to the porch sitting in the two seater swing that was hanging in the corner. The swing you’d spent summers lazing in, him bringing you iced tea as you read books, enjoying your time off. You pulled your knees up underneath yourself and wrapped the blanket around your shoulders. It was cold outside but you didn’t care, you didn’t want to go inside.
When you love someone and it goes to waste,
Could it be worse?
Spencer pulled up behind Y/N’s car and surveyed her house. He’d been here a few times for parties and gatherings. He visited less when she married HIM though, he never did like the friendship that Spencer and Y/N had shared.
She’d seemed so sad today at work. Sullen, lost. Spencer had an idea of what might have happened. Normally when they argued, she’d come in ranting and raving about it, but not today. He’d watched her go into Agent Hotchner’s office, not being able to see her face but having a clear view of Aaron’s. He could read his reactions; empathy and compassion flooding their supervisor’s face.
Reid just wanted to check on her, to let her know he was here for her. Just because they didn’t spend the same amount of time together outside of work as they used to when she joined the Bureau seven years ago, only a year after him, it didn’t mean there was anything less to their friendship.
Yet as he walked to the front door, he realised there were no lights on.
But her car was here. He’d called her a few times when he’d got home but she’d not answered the house phone or her cell, which was why he’d decided to drive over.
Where was she?
He knocked a few times, taking out his phone and calling her again. He could hear the sounds of her personalised ring tone for him, the Dr Who theme, coming from the corner of the porch. Turning, Spencer saw her hunched over in the swing that she’d had installed a few years ago.
He made his way to her, seeing her shoulders racking with sobs.
“Y/N?” he spoke softly, crouching to his knees in front of her.
She looked up, her eyes swimming with tears and her breath visible in the cold night air. Spencer reached out to wipe away a tear from his friend’s face, noting how cold her skin was.
“Y/N, it’s freezing out here. Come on… Let’s go inside and get you warmed up.”
She shook her head, her voice creaky when she spoke.
“I can’t… I can’t go in there. It’s empty. So empty,” she started sobbing again and Spencer picked her bag up from the floor and found her house keys. Shrugging his own coat off and around her shoulders, he unlocked her door and went inside.
It took him a while to pack a small suitcase for her, he found one in the hall way closest. When he entered her bedroom and started searching through her wardrobes for clothes he’d seen her wearing at work, his suspicions were confirmed. Her husband’s belongings her no longer there.
When Spencer went into her en suite to chuck toiletries into a bag, there was only one toothbrush in the holder, only one set of shampoo and conditioner on the sides of the tub. And when he went down to the kitchen to search for a bottle of whiskey or something, he was sure he might need tonight to help her sleep, he spotted a gold wedding ring on the side. She’d still been wearing hers at work so it must be his.
Reid’s heart broke for his friend, and he quickly finished packing, locking her door and placing the bags in his trunk.
Going back to Y/N, he reached for her hands and tugged her upright, her complying with very little resistance. He caught his coat before it fell off her shoulders.
“Come on… ” he told her softly.
“No! I’m not going in there….” she shook her head at him and he pulled her towards his chest, wrapping his arms around her.
“We’re not going inside. I’m taking you back to mine. I’ve packed you a bag, and I’ll fetch anything else you need. You can stay with me. You don’t have to tell me anything, Y/N. I know….and I’m sorry.”
She sniffed against his chest. “I can’t impose on you Spencer. Your apartment is tiny.”
“Yes you can. For as long as you need to. You’re my friend and I love and care about you. If you’re hurting, then I’m hurting. Let me help in anyway I can.”
Reid heard Y/N swallow deeply, almost as if she was swallowing her pride. She looked at him, meeting his eyes properly for the first time all day.
“Thanks Spencer,” she whispered hoarsely.
Placing his hand on her back, he led her to his car.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try
To fix you
Swedish Royal Family Challenge [1/31]
Favourite moment from a Swedish wedding: Fix You, played during Carl Philip & Sofia’s wedding
When you try your best but you don’t succeed//When you get what you want but not what you need//When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep//Stuck in reverse//And the tears come streaming down your face//When you lose something you can’t replace//When you love someone but it goes to waste//Could it be worse?//Lights will guide you home//And ignite your bones//And I will try to fix you.
1. i’ve got this friend - the civil wars.I’ve got this friend /He’s not much for words / He’s hidden his heart away / Oh I’ve got this friend / A loveless romantic / All that she really wants / Is someone to want her back. 2. goodnight and go - imogen heap. We’ll have drinks and talk about things / any excuse to stay awake with you / You’ll sleep here, i’ll sleep there / but then the heating may be down again. 3. when you were young - the killers. He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus / But he talks like a gentlemen / Like you imagined / When you were young.
1. gotten - slash ft. adam levine. But now I’m not sure / And I can’t save you if / You don’t let me / You just get me / Like I never been gotten before. 2. mess is mine - vance joy. You’re the reason that I feel so strong / The reason that I’m hanging on / Well hold on my darling / This mess was yours / Now your mess is mine. 3. signal fire - snow patrol. In the confusion and the aftermath / You are my signal fire /The only resolution and the only joy / Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.
1. look after you - the fray. When I’m losing my control, the city spins around / You’re the only one who knows, you slow it down. 2. eyes on fire - blue foundation. I’ll seek you out / Flay you alive / One more word and you won’t survive / Eyes on fire / Your spine is ablaze / Felling any foe with my gaze. 3.no light, no light - florence + machine. No light, no light in your bright blue eyes / Never knew daylight could be so violent / A revelation in the light of day / You can’t choose what stays and what fades away.
1. i need my girl - the national. But I can’t get my head around it / I keep feeling smaller and smaller / I need my girl / I need my girl. 2. run away -leighton meester. We can make it back to when it was a lullaby / If only we try / I’m not giving up for anyone or anything / I’ll stay by your side.3. fix you - coldplay. But if you never try you’ll never know / Just what you’re worth / Lights will guide you home / And ignite your bones / And I will try to fix you
1. like real people do - hozier. I will not ask you where you came from / I will not ask you, neither should you / Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips / We should just kiss like real people do. 2. somebody else - the 1975. Our love has gone cold / You’re intertwining your soul with somebody else / I’m looking through you while you’re looking through your phone / And then leaving with somebody else. 3. save you - matthew perryman jones. Don’t wanna make it up / Don’t wanna let you down / I wanna fly away / I’m stuck on the ground / And so help me decide / Help me to make up, make up my mind / Wouldn’t that save you? / Wouldn’t that save you?
1. be still - the fray. If you forget the way to go / And lose where you came from / If no one is standing beside you / Be still and know I am.2. pieces - andrew belle. There’s too much smoke to see it / There’s too much broke to feel this / I love you, I love you / And all of your pieces. 3. don’t deserve you - plumb. You never give up / When I’m falling apart / Your arms are always open wide / And you’re quick to forgive / When I make a mistake / I don’t deserve your love / But you give it to me anyway.
1. where i stood - missy higgins. ’Cause she will love you more than I could / She who dares to stand where I stood / And I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call / You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all. 2. 23 - jimmy eat world. I’m here and now I’m ready / Holding on tight / Don’t give away the end /The one thing that stays mine. 3. settle down - gentle bones. But how do I heal my soul / Because it feels so old / But would you settle down / Settle down / With me now, and forever.
Preview: I can’t think. My mind is cluttered. It’s yelling at me. Yelling, yelling, yelling. Absolutely screaming at how badly I messed up. Where’s the one place she would go? I have no idea. She still has her old apartment. Maybe she’d be there.
I haven’t contributed much to the CS fandom, as my blog isn’t primarily about them or Once, but I’ve been building this playlist for quite a while now and wanted to share it! A few of these songs are inspired by other CS playlists I’ve found from various places, but most are my own additions. Hope you like it, and please let me know if you have other suggestions that I can add to my playlist. Enjoy!
The Words - Christina Perri “And I know the scariest part is letting go, ‘cause love is a ghost you can’t control” (and also Christina literally dedicated this song to CS so there’s that)
A Happy Beginning - Once Cast “Leave the past and all its scars, a happy beginning now is ours” (Another no brainer lol)
Piece by Piece - Kelly Clarkson “Piece by piece he collected me, up off the ground where you abandoned things.”
Feel Again - One Republic “I’m feeling better since you know me. I was a lonely soul but that’s the old me.”
Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars
“Let me in the wall you’ve built around, and we can light a match and burn it down”
A Thousand Years - Christina Perri “All along I believed, I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years.”
Ours - Taylor Swift “The stakes are high, the water’s rough, but this love is ours.”
I’m Yours - Alessia Cara “'Cause I’ve had my heart broken before, and I promised I would never let me hurt anymore.”
Fix You - Coldplay “Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.”
I Won’t Give Up - Jason Mraz “I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily, I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make.”
Little Do You Know - Alex and Sierra “Little do you know I love you till the sun dies”
Say You Won’t Let Go - James Arthur “I met you in the dark, you lit me up. You made me feel as though I was enough.”
This Love - Taylor Swift “Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in, and I could go on and on.”
It Will Rain - Bruno Mars “For you I’ll try, I’ll pick up these broken pieces ‘till I’m bleeding if that’ll make you mind.”
I Believe In You - Michael Buble “I know that there are times when you feel worthless. Like all the love you get, you don’t deserve it.” (This is one of my favorites on the list)
I Choose You - Sara Bareilles “But then you found me and everything changed, and I believe in something again”
Treacherous - Taylor Swift (yes I may be slightly biased) “Nothing safe is worth the drive.”