light darkness and all

anonymous asked:

After a very shallow exploration of your blog I can think of two things: One is that you are blanketed by depression and can't see your worth sometimes. Two is that you have a gift. Your work is stunning, it's relatable, it's poignant and dark and light all at once. I love it and I love that I found it and I hope you feel and find more lightness in your life.

I’ve struggled with depression for a very long time. I’m not sure I really remember what it’s like to exist without it looming over me. Some days are lighter than others, though. Some days I remember my worth. Hopefully there will be more and more of those days in the future. Thank you for the kind words + your support ❤

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.