does it scare you? to think
that you could be with someone
like me? okay.
i care too much and not
at all. i’m constantly telling myself
i need to be small. i’m a
hypocrite in the worst of ways.
i’ll leave you and i’ll beg you to stay.
i can’t leave the bed
and i live in a dream, if
i’m left alone too long, i’ll probably
scream. i’m a walking cliché
full of contradictions, and
i’ve lost so many people — i
still miss them.
i’ll leave you if you like,
just to make this easy. i’ll go,
and you won’t have to hear from me.
i get that i can be so difficult
to be near, so please, don’t come
close. don’t come here.
My problem is that I
love so deeply.
I start to believe that every
relationship will be
my last, even
if it’s only my first.
But on the contrary,
I cut people out of my life
without telling them
I’ve done so.
I love everyone but
can only stand a select few.
That’s my problem.
My problem is that I’m
so busy wasting all my love
on you — where is
the rest of it?
I gave you the best of it.
Maybe I shouldn’t
Lies spilled over my tongue like water,
And the air in this chamber kept thinning like paper.
The walls closed down on me, shutting out my thoughts.
Then we’re suddenly placed in shoe boxes pretending we’re not out of touch.
I tell this man of all my wrongdoings, so maybe I can be whole again.
I spoke seven Hail Mary’s and walked towards the light,
But never before have I felt more shattered in my life.
I took this holy water, placing it on my skin,
And prayed to God it would cleanse me of my sins.
She’s afraid of the silence. The dark nights when her thoughts aren’t whispers, but screams. She’s afraid of the magic that leaves, the good that becomes bad, the full stop on the last page of the last book she’ll ever read. She’s afraid of conformity. She’s afraid to make too many wishes, because there are seven billion people wishing on the same stars as her, and one day the sky might just run out of magic. She’s afraid of love, in case she’s already had enough of it. And she’s afraid of falling, because people aren’t reliable, and the ground is too rough to fall onto another time. She’s afraid of people who are too kind, because everyone has their limits, and she hates seeing beautiful things break. Most of all, she’s afraid of living a life afraid, of finding that at the end of it, she hasn’t really lived at all.
true love may never die. but does that mean deal with the pain?
deal with the heartache caused by the person that you’re in love with? we have to learn to accept things as they are and part ways. even when love is present, sometimes it still isn’t healthy. learn how to let go and let God.
Can we start over?
Can we be strangers again?
Let me introduce myself
We can laugh and talk
And relearn what we already know
And come up with new inside jokes
And create new memories
And give each other
You’re seventeen now, and you’re gripping onto that steering wheel, thinking this is your chance to finally take control of your life. Your hands have a stronger hold than they did when you tried to grab their heart. Your attention is focused on nothing but the road ahead, and you’ve never been good at keeping your focus before, but you’ve got that wild gleam in your eyes — the very same one you had the first time you fell in love. Only now, you’re falling in love with gravel and open roads and windows rolled down so much your hair gets messed up in the wind. You’re falling in love with freedom. You’re falling in love with living.
You’re still young, and you’re thinking about way back. There was a time when you thought you had the answer but you didn’t. You thought everything was perfect but it wasn’t. You’ve got a permit and not much of a sense of direction, but you call this your ticket to freedom. You leave the keys in the kitchen drawer because you don’t wanna go back there.
You’re just a kid really, trying to find yourself before you become an adult. Holding onto this moment so tightly that your fingertips turn white. Looking at your life like it’s a game and not a puzzle made of sequences that fall into place in the wrong order sometimes. You’re closing your eyes and laughing, just because it feels good to let it out. You’re opening your eyes and, for a second, the world looks a little brighter.
My existence is just a mere illusion
Through the obscure memories that I cant seem to interpret
In my mind, I sense the confusion
Playing the game that He has laid out, wondering if I shall forfeit
I ponder on the thought about our pathetic excuse we call a life
The questions that swim through my head
And whether if we were all meant to live and die
How am i suppose to love and forget
If I can’t let go of the past yet
The perceptions against this ill willed world
Filled with animosity and tragedy
Im lost without any morals
Stuck in the midst between dreams and sanity
As I deem myself a happy person
You find out that there is no such thing as peace in this dimension
Abscond from the realization
Escape from reality and into a world with no restriction
I find love as just a delusion
Empty thoughts that stay with me, I find it suitable
I break into pieces trying to find a solution
And laugh at this vacuous interpretation that this world is still beautiful