life-update

My self esteem has taken a huge hit since I cut off all my hair and I’m honestly so glad. I have been shattered. I got rid of something I was known for to an extent. I used my hair as a safety net. I let it define me. I relied on it a lot and I got a ton of attention for it. All the people flipping out over it telling me to grow it back just proves what a big deal it was and still is. I am forced to look at myself as a human being and decide who I am. I’m redefining myself. Some people are saying I’m being dramatic and it’s just hair or that I talk about it too much but I think it just shows how much people don’t understand. My appearance is such a huge part of my identity and it’s wrong. It’s harmful to me. I feel so much pressure to look perfect every day and if I don’t I feel like I don’t matter or I’m letting everyone down. Obviously that is so dramatic and not true at all but it’s such a weak spot for me. When people say things like “sorry you look better with long hair” or “you were prettier before” it can hurt me so bad if it’s at the wrong moment. I am so detached most of the time it really doesn’t affect me but if someone catches me in a weak moment it can get to me and bring me down. I’m tired of seeing myself for my outer shell. I’m tired of feeling scared people don’t love me anymore. As if the entire world loved me before anyway omg 🙄😑 the people who are telling me I’m not pretty anymore never loved me to begin with and I don’t want their approval or anything from them really. I need to stop caring about people who don’t know me. Everyone close to me has been SO supportive and encouraging and it’s been so fun. When I’m calm and comfortable and I look at my hair, my natural reaction is pure happiness. There is no fear, no doubt, no questions. I love my hair! If I wanna grow it out later I will but right now I do love it and want to keep it for a while. I only think about growing it out when the desire to please people starts to creep back in. Thoughts of growing it out come from a place of fear and that sucks. This entire new chapter has been about ditching fear and it genuinely has been so positive. There is the negative undercurrent of fear, yes, but it doesn’t negate the good. I want this to stop. People can and will say whatever they want but I’m doing my part to cut off all negativity. My self esteem is more important than random insensitive strangers on the internet who prefer long-haired women. There are so many accounts you can look at if you want some rapunzel chick. I can’t live for other people. Again, it’s not that they don’t love me anymore, it’s that they never did. The people that know me are so supportive because they know it’s not that big of a deal and that I am SO MUCH MORE THAN MY HAIR. But I need to remind myself of that!!!! And it’s time I show that to the world too. I have so much to share, so much I’ve created and so much that I think about and I intend to put that into the world this year. I am actually finding myself for the first time outside of my appearance. I’m seeing myself in a new light. Of course I’ve always been aware of the fact that I’m more than my looks, I consciously understand that but I can actually FEEL it now. I didn’t truly believe it before. I guess what I hope you guys can take away from this is that if people are defining you by something superficial or if YOU are, challenge that. You are more than what people say about you, what you look like, your circumstances, really anything external. You’re so much more. We have to get in touch with our value as humans, feel it, believe it, live it and SHARE it with the world. Confidence comes from knowing you are full of light and goodness and that no one can change that. I’m only sharing myself with safe people, people who know and understand me. I’m going to continue to be myself to the fullest and put myself out there but I’m no longer giving weight to what people think of my appearance. Of course it’s hard but I welcome the challenge. If I like it, that’s all that matters. My happiness is important and so is yours. So anyway I just wanted to update you guys on my life and let you know that recently I’ve been struggling with this but I’m working through it. If it seems like I’m always dealing with something, it’s because I am hahaha. That’s life when you’re in touch with your feelings, it’s not bad! It’s more challenging but WAY more fulfilling at the end of the day. I love feeling my feelings and acknowledging them and dealing with them, I didn’t always do that and my life was nowhere near as good as it is now. Overall I’m happy and very optimistic, I’m working on myself, my relationships, my music and my health and this year is already turning out to be one of the best yet, despite some bumps. Love you guys and hope this helps you understand me a little more 💜

EDIT: I wanna add on to the first thought that I’m glad my self esteem has been shattered. I wrote this in between takes while shooting a cover today and I forgot to finish that idea. I’m glad I’ve been shattered because I was building myself on a flimsy foundation. My infrastructure was so shaky and flawed, I was doing okay but I needed to be rebuilt. Those pieces of me that were clinging to other people’s opinions and approval needed to crumble so I could rebuild into a better, stronger version of myself. This is a theme in my life. Every few years, whatever pieces of me start to go in a bad direction are eventually destroyed and then I rebuild into a better version of myself haha

I wrote the longest exam of my university career this morning for a french literature course (pictured is a very small portion of my hand written notes) and then I came home and finished writing a research paper for one of my sociology classes. Tomorrow I will edit the paper and then start on my second research paper for my other sociology class. Feeling exhausting but so relieved that my exam is done with.. just a little more to go and then I’m free! (Until I start my summer course about a week later lol)

Fast update

So I recently got a job as a preschool teacher, so I’m busy during the week

I’ll probably flood this blog with art updates over the weekend or just queue it all and make that a scheduled thing

The kids constantly ask me to draw them things and honestly I can’t say no. They are all so cute…

life/accident update

Ah I’m so soft thank you all for liking the character planning printables! I will definitely make more in terms of plot planning & building relationships within fiction etc. Also I just wanted to thank you all as my masterlist hit 3K! Thank you so much I don’t deserve your support ❤️

And now for the less fun facts -

A life update of sorts, as many of you know I had an accident involving a concrete step and my face which has basically ruined my life for a couple of months (I’m about to describe injuries don’t read ahead if you’re squeamish) it was a serious fall, more serious than I knew at the time.

My skull is fractured, the left side of my jaw is also fractured, I have a broken nose, a busted lip and a chipped tooth. Because of the impact my face took my entire profile is bruised and swollen, and the doctors at the hospital said had I fallen less than one inch to the right and landed slightly differently, well I wouldn’t be here right now. Even though I’m distraught that I’m in such a state, I’m so grateful to be alive (sounds dramatic but anyone who knows me knows that’s who I am) And I know that my injuries are all superficial and will heal over time.

I’ve started to forget things because of the concussion, my head is constantly pounding and I feel really confused and dazed most of the time, but I remain positive that my memory will come back 100% and that I can move on from this hellish accident.

That being said, I can barely function to make a coherent sentence (seriously you have no idea how long it took me to write this) so please respect that any updates, ynwa included, will be postponed for the time being, thank you.

4

Quick life update!! I’m swamped with college work as always but we’re now moving into our final 9 weeks and solo led project and im working on some exciting stuff!! Exhibitions and the lot.


I know I rarely post about my children but recently one of my blessed boys passed away and it’s been real hard to adjust to not having him around but I’m getting there. He was a lovely boy and I’m so blessed to have spent time with him. Rest well Oswald.

In any case I’m sorry I’m hardly as active as I used to be, I miss streaming art every night, but I really don’t touch my tablet as much since I’m whacking out work in college. I’m working on it >:(

Thanks for sticking around though!! Once I get my degree I’ll be plodding in to University hopefully and then the world will be mine!! Love you all and take care.

9

LIFE UPDATE: Many-Firsts March

I (used to) believed that if you love blogging then you’d have time for it - no excuses, that’s why I never understood why people apologize for not updating their blog for a long period of time. Now I do and I’m sorry if I ever misjudged any of you. This has been the longest period of my inactivity yet. I now know what it feels like to be busy that there’s no time for anything else. It sucks but this is where I need to really have to manage and make time.

So here’s what you’ve missed during those period of moments that I was away from tumblr, I had a lot of firsts! 

(1) I visited Interior Design & Manila, alone.

One perk of my office location is that I’m close to these kinds of conventions, exhbits and seminar (see#9). I used to go to these when I was in college. Though I don’t need this as much right now because I work in retail but I still need to fuel this side of my career. Best booth in my opinion is Boysen’s. They always are clever and creative in presenting themselves and make fun and interactive booths. They even gave us a free VR! 

(2) I’ve tried the Angkas app, thrice!

Basically it’s like GRAB but you’re riding on the back of a motorcycle. This is something that some people wouldn’t agree on doing but I on the other hand didn’t hesistate and tried it. It’s the best at night when the wind is cold. And it’s convenient when you’re on the rush. I rode it once when the LRT broke down and I still got to work on time!

(3) I got my passport renewed, faster than I expected!

Perks of having a dad who works at DFA, joke! I had to process it like everyone else but I had the privilege of being in courtesy lane. I’m so impressed with the new design! They made it so aesthetic and very modern, if I must say, it’s very millenial. Kudos to the team who worked on it!

(4) First dinner out with officemates/friends at Dohtonbori.

It’s crazy how in a short span of time they made me felt like I belong even though I’m a newbie. It’s crazy how welcoming they are, I will be forever grateful for this new people in my life. That’s to say that least because it’s surprising to find people you can easily connect with and have the same interests and I have that with them too. I am looking forward to more crazy adventures with them! <3 

(5) !!!! First overnight out of town trip at Fortune Island, Batangas with just the two of us, using our own money.

The highlight of my March! I have yet to post about this but let me tell you how invigorating this feels. We’ve been dying to go somewhere for so long. Imagine 8 years together and we actually haven’t been anywhere with just the two of us. When we were there, we felt really weird (in a good way) because we weren’t used to it. We did have an amazing time together, checking out the wonders of the island (beside the unfortunate garbage in the surroundings). This is our first and most definitely won’t be the last.

(6) First site visit!

Good thing about my work is that not all of the time I am at the office. I get to check sites of where new Watsons store will open soon. First one is at Matalino St. Phil Heart Center and then after that my officemate and I (the one in the photo) ate at Iscreamist Maginhawa.

(7) My officemates like to take photos as much I do haha! This was taken at the parking lot during our breaks.

At the office, I am sort of a half and half. Because most times I spent my day with these wonderful girls who are as crazy as me. But often times I spend time and get along great with the boys. In my line of work I work closely with engineers and architect so that’s unavoidable to work with the opposite gender. But I’m really happy that they made me feel part of their group even if I’m this small little girl who looks like I’m incapable of anything (and I have to prove to them that I’m not!). They trust me and even wants me to do more. It feels like I’ve known them for years.

(8) My mom’s back in the PH for her annual once a year visit!

If you’re still here reading this, well I’m more than happy to announce that our family has grown from 5 to 6! This year our focus in not on going somewhere like our usual but to spend time with each other as we welcome a new member of our family. “Family is Forever.”

(9) I got to watch COLDPLAY!!!! for free!!!!

I am not the biggest fan of coldplay, I do know a lot of their (old) songs and it would be an honor to hear them live. The moment they announced the venue was in the parking lot - I jumped for joy. Please do not misunderstand that I’m taking advantage but I can’t shell out a lot of money for 1 day. I commend people who do, especially if it’s to hear and see their favorite band live. During my job interview two months ago, my eyes twinkled to see that we have a front view of the concert grounds from the 9th floor and from that day I made it a point to watch it regardless of the time or the people I’m with. And boy was it one of the magical nights. I stayed from beginning to end and my smile was from ear to ear as I hear them sing live the songs I was only used to hearing on my earphones. I will never forget this night!


Happy Easter everybody! I hope you had a wonderful month this April and wishing you a fun-filled summer vacation! 

Life update...

I’ve been a bit distant with this blog of late, just leaving it to my queue to make it look active and popping on with a random post here or there. I’m mostly on my side blog recently ( wanna-be-explorer.tumblr.com ) but I wanted to make a little post about life right now…

🌻Something I’ve kept to myself, my mum is getting remarried this coming weekend and I’m doing the photography. I’m really happy for her but at the same time sad because she’s taking her partners surname (which is fair enough) and it just feels strange to comprehend. That and stress of getting the photos right for them. Also my girlfriend is coming with me and it’ll be the first time she meets the rest of the family. So yeah. Excited she’ll be with me, nervous for meeting the family ha.
🌻I’m off training hours at work as of tomorrow, so back to long, late shifts and fitting a workout in my lunch hour. I’m struggling with work at lot recently since learning this new line of business. I keep coming close to wanting to quit which is one reason why I’ve been off recently. I know I have a new job on the horizon but I could be waiting 6-12 months before they need me, so yeah, not ideal.
🌻Been having problems with my car and all last week I was without it. It’s fixed now but that whole thing was stressful and made me sick a lot.
🌻I’ve been fighting a chest infection for a couple weeks and it keeps on coming back. I want to rest but can’t take time off work as I’ll go on a warning. So yeah.
🌻My back is still a bit fucked from when I fell last week. I’ve been trying to go the gym but I either have zero motivation or can only really do cardio to rest out my back.
🌻As for everything else, I’m eating like shit and can’t seem to stop myself. I’m taking each day as it comes in regards to my mental health and body confidence. I’m stressed over money worries and I’m just not being productive as I should be. I’ve backed off Instagram, here and YouTube, why, I don’t know, I’m just not motivated to be social recently.
🌻I think the hardest thing is I’ve lost my creativity again and this makes me feel the saddest. Being creative makes me happy, it makes me passionate about life but right now I can’t find that drive, I’ve just lost my way again when it comes to being creative.

So yeah. That’s where I’m at as of 29/05/2017. I’m still around and I’m not giving up but right now I have a lot going on in life away from fitness and I just need to get through that and I’ll be back on track. I wanna say sorry for being absent but really I need to be saying thank you for sticking with me. Stay strong and stay positive everyone ✌🏼🌻💕

God you are so good !

Wow god you amaze me and completely blow me away with your faithfulness and provision. You said jump trust and follow me I have I hasn’t been easy but I is totally worth it. The doors you are opening for me are amazing they are things I have always wanted but never knew how to reach them. So I thank you for being my provider Lord and my everything. Continue to open doors that need to be open and shut doors that need to be shut. You give me so much joy and peace when I follow after you and your ways. Help me to continue to trust you because I am nothing without you.

Same flatmate that woke us up Monday at 4am because security came because he was smoking weed in the flat just set the fire alarms off in our whole block by leaving food in the oven, wasted everyone’s time, has been putting teabags directly into the kettles ruining them and tried to keep money from his dad that he was supposed to give him. Aka my flat mate is a spoilt rich kid who acts like he’s 13, has no understanding of how to be a responsible adult and I have 6 days left with him and I swear I might kill him. He’s already done two things and i’ve only been back since Sunday. 

Hi everyone. I just want to say that I’m sorry for not being quite as active lately. I’m at a busy and stressful time of the year right now, and I don’t seem to have the mental energy to be as active on here as usual. I’m editing engagement photos and I’ve been working a lot. Last month I had two 50-hour work weeks. And I have a car inspection next Monday which will surely leave me financially upset.

Not to mention the hunt for photos of my aesthetic is a bit unfruitful lately. It’s a bit of a dry spell. So I’ve been trying to stagger what I can find. I just want to thank everyone for sticking around despite it being a little quiet here. After all this is over I’m sure I’ll be able to have my regular posting again. I appreciate you guys so much. xo

WOW I'M ACTUALLY NOT DEAD?

HEY YOU GUUUYYYSSSS~!!

Did ya miss me? Did ya?? Probably not, but hey! I am finally sorta kinda available?? Holy shit. So I have been trying to finish my Master’s degree and write my exam for… Well, all of this year so far? And lemme tell you, this “exam” was not what you think it is.

This exam was not a sit down test. No. For this test I had to work on it for months and months. I had to construct a giant essay that had essays inside of it. It ended up being, and I remember this very clearly…

13,929 words and 67 pages in length.

I also had to create a giant portfolio of my experience and work and art and practice that took up two 2 ½ inch binders.

So that’s what I have been doing. I have been at my desk writing and figuring all this out for MONTHS. This final test is a cumulation of my two years of study and the combined cost of just over $50,000

So… this is why I have been absent so much. This is why I haven’t made comics or animations (yes, I animate).

It’s not quite over yet, I have to do an oral presentation where I defend my paper and my practice as a counsellor and art therapist. But the major pressure is off now so…

I CAN DRAW THINGS!! AND MAKE SHIT!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

AND I ALMOST HAVE MY MASTERS DEGREE!!!

so yeah,

Heh…

~Faa