life-at-the-limit

480

My introvert battery is so drained. Might limit my conversations to one or two people until I start feeling like myself again.

But my parents want to go downtown for Fiesta today… which is the opposite of staying away from people. Oh well.

Going to try to update Lucky Us tomorrow if my miserable little arms are up for it. I’m in a good position: 1400 words, which could put today’s word count at 2400, which means the chapter will be finished easily on Sunday. But I can’t forget about my schoolwork, either. That teaching philosophy won’t write itself.

*stares at the ceiling* Considering Makoto’s role in a certain story… seems things are happening inside her head, or at least within her memory… a paranoid alcoholic burdened by the need to write… her name meaning “truth”… her unwillingness to be dragged into a war… the kanji for “freedom” tattooed between her shoulders where wings would be…

There is a story here. A sad and heavy story. “I bore witness to these events. I took part in these events. These people were my family and friends and no one will remember who they were or what they died for if I don’t write it down.”

Hmm.

Back to Adrien and Gabriel.

aguagi  asked:

What do you think about Satsuki entrusting Ryuuko with Bakuzan at the end of the Raid trip? She didn't know Ryuuko was just going to hand it back to her right then and there, and she needed Bakuzan to enact vengeance upon Ragyou during the Great Sports and Culture Festival. Do you see it as Satsuki finally acknowledging Ryuuko as an equal (and not at the moment when she confessed her shortcomings on the Naked Sol) and entrusting Ryuuko in coming to her aid later? (1/2)

That is, she gives Ryuuko her sword, creating an unspoken honorable bond between them. From what she knows, only life fibers can kill life fibers, and Bakuzan is currently the only life fiber weapon she has besides Junketsu, which showed a very limited range of transformative use as a lance. Did she expect Ryuuko to hand back Bakuzan and fight beside her as equals once she backstabbed Ragyou? Or for Ryuuko to attack Ragyou and Satsuki backstabs her (Ragyou) while she was distracted? (2/2)

Satsuki: As long as there is breath left in me, Satsuki Kiryuin has a chance at victory!

The way I see it, Satsuki is a character who has devoted her entire life to stopping Ragyo—and this shows. Satsuki’s plans have none of the impulsive, spur-of-the-moment, let’s-see-how-reckless-we-can-be qualities that her sister’s do, because unlike Ryuko, Satsuki is immensely thoughtful and methodical, and she takes care to consider every possibility.

And it is good to be well-prepared, of course, but Satsuki takes her strategizing to such an extreme that it makes her cold. While Ryuko is ultimately able to fight Satsuki to a draw at the end of the Raid Trip because she puts her complete and utter faith in Senketsu—even without having a clue about what he intends to do!—prior to the reveal that Ryuko is her sister, I struggle to see Satsuki make a similar choice. There is nothing sensible about wholeheartedly trusting someone as Ryuko does, and up until Satsuki’s change of heart later in the series, her priority is to behave in ways that make sense to reach her objective—even if making sense can be harsh, detached, distancing, and, as she puts it herself, even if it makes her a villain.

So, when it comes to relying on and believing in others, Satsuki is highly lacking—in fact, it’s her greatest flaw, and what she herself acknowledges as her greatest flaw in her confession on the Naked Sol in episode 22. While she certainly expects people to help her in her goals, Satsuki is careful to never particularly count on it at first, because to count on somebody else would be to trust them… and that’s dangerous. Unknown. Illogical. Reckless.

Satsuki: If you [Ryuko] won’t like my way, I will fight you afterward.

And while Satsuki’s hesitance to trust can be seen in how she treats her Elite Four (and particularly Uzu, who blinds himself due to her horrible manipulation), this quality is probably most obvious and overt in her behavior towards Ryuko. Not only is it her poor treatment of Ryuko that pushes Satsuki to reconsider her actions, but Satsuki also blatantly never counts on Ryuko to fight for her cause, which she even notes directly: if Ryuko doesn’t want to help, Satsuki’ll just fight her, too. Satsuki may urge Ryuko to be on her side because she acknowledges that Ryuko’s aid would be useful, but she never, ever lets herself especially rely on Ryuko as an ally—well, before her big realization, anyway!

Satsuki: I shall leave Bakuzan in your [Ryuko’s] care. To mark today’s battle.

Ryuko (tossing Bakuzan back to Satsuki): Kiryuin.

Satsuki: What?

So, when Satsuki entrusts Ryuko with Bakuzan at the end of the Raid Trip (episode 15), I would argue that Satsuki is absolutely not holding out on the hope that Ryuko would use the sword to help her out later. She’d like Ryuko to lend a hand, but she’s not going to count on it.

Satsuki’s inability to trust Ryuko at this point is only furthered by her shocked reaction when Ryuko tosses Bakuzan back to her. The return is something Satsuki absolutely did not expect from Ryuko, because doing so is a sign of trust—exactly what Satsuki can’t do. The English dub especially pushes this idea, with Ryuko justifying her action by saying, “You seriously think I don’t trust you?”

But what’s interesting about this scene is how, well, nonsensically Satsuki behaves. Here I’ve been yapping about how sensible Satsuki is, but there’s really nothing sensible about leaving your weapon with your enemy—and definitely not when, as you pointed out, that weapon is pretty crucial to your goals!

While I wouldn’t say that Satsuki sees Ryuko as an equal yet (as Satsuki still doesn’t trust her), I would say that the act of giving up Bakuzan is a sign of honor and respect. Satsuki may be manipulative, deceitful, and tyrannical at this point in the story, but she won’t play dirty—even if it makes things a whole heck of a lot harder on herself. No matter what, Satsuki will be true to her word, and more than that, she’ll treat her “enemies” humanely.

And while I don’t think Satsuki giving Ryuko Bakuzan totally destroys her plans—remember, she has some Bakuzan toenails, so she clearly considered that she’d lose her sword along the way, and as pictured at the top of this post, she’ll do whatever it takes to stop Ragyo as long as she still lives—this moment at the end of the Raid Trip is a good one for her character because it emphasizes that Satsuki is not her mother. 

Though Satsuki utilizes similar methods as Ragyo to get what she wants, Ragyo would never display the kind of respect and honor that Satsuki does here. All Ragyo cares about is her own goal, and while Satsuki may even think she’s the same, she’s not. Satsuki has humanity, she cares about human life, and as she shows later, she’s willing to change—and willing to embrace the nonsensical that she would once only dare show shades of.

I’m kind of extremely bitter about my aquabats days now because of the nightmarish void my life was back then and how much of my limited self I poured into that. Also it led me to my worst abuser and also the aquabats as a band are Extremely Disappointing and do nothing but break promises they make to fans and after a while it just got exhausting waiting on things we were told would happen but never did

I did make a few good pals from that fandom though but hoo in its latter days it became a real interesting cesspool to jump ship from

3

you’re just too good to be true
can’t take my eyes off of you