life's better on the black and white keys

Hotel California (1/2)

Originally posted by sailorslayla

Title : Hotel California

Pairing : Mark x Reader

Genre : Fluff, Romance

Summary : Mark is a night-shifts receptionist in his own hotel and it sucks, until one of his client turns up to be a pretty, annoying girl.


It was pure agony. The mere idea of pulling an all-nighter for the sole purpose of work was agonising. Even the old coppered clock’s hand was limping, showing the wrong hour and the time was almost passing in slow motion.

Mark groaned when the opening credits of Frasier made its way on the small and very old television set.

“Excuse me…?” He heard a voice and checked the black and white monitor, spotting a middle-aged man in a tuxedo, tapping the counter. He got up, the desk chair wincing and took a small key from the numerous ones hung up the wall.

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Personal Gnosis for Hel

Keeping track of my associations with Hel;

  • Direction: North (attested, Gylfaginning).
  • Elements: I feel her most in Air, in breaths and lights and shadows; though I also see her in the earth that holds our bodies, the water that led ships to the unknown, the fire that makes smoke and ash.
  • Stones: Hematite, larvikite, rose quartz, tourmalinated quartz, red (hematite inclusion) phantom quartz, black (carbon inclusion) phantom quartz, black tourmaline, moonstone.
  • Flowers: White roses, elderflower, honeysuckle, white lilies, belladonna, hellebore, baby’s breath, skeleton flowers, sweet cherry blossoms, red-tipped roses, snapdragon pods, bleeding glory-bower.
  • Trees: Elder, yew, apple, wild teak.
  • Insects: Butterflies, moths, fireflies, mayflies, cicadas, carrion beetles, maggots.
  • Animals: Magpies, hummingbirds, deer (non-palmated), pigeons, doves, wolves.
  • Concepts: Death, life, rebirth, change, transformation, paradox, empathy, ordeals, independence, edgewalking, originality, sovereignty, becoming.
  • Locations: Graves, undergrounds, keys, gates, doorways, thresholds, stairs, lights in darkness, mirrors, bricks, chainlink, knocking on doors (it’s the sound of your bones), cities (the older the better), abandoned buildings, old wood creaking underfoot, antique stores.
  • Trappings: Smoke, bone, fog, snow, ice, blizzards, blood, antlers, iron, pelts, black candles, frostbite, decay.
  • Devotions: Writing, reading, storytelling (words are how we survive and share down generations). Eating humanely, feeding the homeless, donating to food banks, feeding friends and family (food is sacred, served to all in her hall). Social justice work, sacred witnessing, active listening (all are equal in death). Hospice care, living wills, home funerals, green burials, grave-tending, cleaning roadkill, using all parts of an animal (death is a natural part of life). Ancestral practice, transition magic, death magic, spirit work, plant necromancy, dumb suppers, meditations on mortality and the value of life (honouring that which came before and will be again, becoming more intimate with death). Shadow work, mirror magic based in facing and knowing oneself wholly, healing our damages, analyzing the stories we tell ourselves, honouring both the death but also the living flesh, engaging actively in one’s own Becoming (uniting our ‘halves’ into our personal best self, living before dying). Blacking fingers for ritual as in frostbite; braiding braids with intention of life/becoming/death.
  • Smells: Roses, the smell of decomposition under wet leaves.
  • Season: Winter; also in the rot of autumn and the first burst of spring.
  • Colours: White; also black, burgundy, pale pink, red, ice blue.
  • Times: Night, sunsets, sunrises; liminal transition times.
  • Food: Apples (attested).

All of these have reasons, so feel free to ask and chat associations with me!

late night fights

a/n: so so sorry for the long wait to the lovely anon who requested a Nate imagine. Hope you like it, I tried to follow your request as close as possible, just know I worked on this for like 3 days, constantly rewriting, so sorry if you still don’t like it, but I put lots of work into it, so please enjoy


I was currently in the kitchen, making dinner for my boyfriend, Nate. I met Nate 3 and a half years ago at a Future concert. I could barely see anything over the guy that towered in front of me, and someone behind me drunkenly ran into me, shoving me into him.

He turned around with this angry look on his face, but it softened when he saw me. Despite his change in attitude I was still freaking out, blame it on my generous, caring nature, so I immediately started to apologize.

We started talking a bit, and he let me stand in front of him so I could see. After the concert we went out for drinks, and we just really hit it off. 6 months later he asked me to be his girlfriend, and here we are. 3 years later, happy as can be.

Nate and Swazz were currently at the studio. Nate’s been spending a lot of time there lately. Leaving as soon as he wakes up, and getting home at like 3 in the morning. I was pretty worried, despite being together for 3 years, there was always these gorgeous girls throwing themselves at him, and I couldn’t help but feel like he would dump me for them, cause well, I’m just plain ordinary me. Nothing special, and definitely don’t look like those girls.

But, Nate promised to come home for dinner tonight at 8, so here I was, getting things ready at 7:30.

At 8, I had everything finished, and I was dressed in some black ripped jeans and a white pocket tee. I busied yourself until Nate got home, throwing in a load of his laundry, cleaning up a bit in the living room. I laid down on the couch, watching tv, waiting for Nate to come home.

I woke up at 9:30, and Nate still wasn’t home. I was so over it at this point. I put the food away and went up to our room and changed into some leggings and a big tee shirt.

I threw my hair up in a messy bun, took off my make up. I was just lounging around, waiting for Nate to get home. I was constantly checking my phone, and saw that Nate was tweeting, posting pictures on insta, liking pictures on insta and his snapchat was full of pics and videos of him and the boys and then some with him and Stass, and Emily.

I finally decided to just go to bed, giving up on waiting for him to come home. By now it was 3 in the morning, so I figured he wasn’t coming home.

I woke up the next morning at like 7 am to a loud crashing noise downstairs. All to familiar with the sound I walked down to see Nate stumbling in. I stood on the stairs as Nate closed the door and went over and sat on the couch.

“another late night?” I asked from the stairs, Nate not even turning to look at me.

“don’t start with this shit right now (y/n).” he groaned.

“start with what Nate? I was just asking.” I said, with obvious sarcasm.

“I don’t wanna talk about this right now. Please get me some asprin.”

“If we don’t talk about this now Nate, when are we going to?” and finally he turned and looked at me. He looked like hell.

“(y/n) what do you possibly have to say that I haven’t already heard? Now get me some damn asprin.” He said, turning back around.

“get your own damn asprin Nate. I’m sick and tired of this. I never see you, and when we do see each other all we do is fight.” I threw my hands up. He got up off the couch and turned to look at me, clearly feeling hungover as he swayed a bit.

“have you thought maybe I spend all my time at the studio or out with the guys to avoid you? Your constant bitching and complaining. 90% of our fights are because of you. Your fucking insecurities drive me up a fucking wall. I can’t hang out with the boys without you freaking out about a girl that’s there? Like you don’t fucking trust me? Well I don’t wanna be with someone who doesn’t fucking trust me.” He yelled.

Taken aback by his response I was left shocked, but quickly spoke my mind.

“damn straight I don’t trust you” I lied, just so pissed at his accusation, and the fact he wouldn’t wanna be with me over some petty shit like that. “You think I wanna be with someone who’s constantly out fucking around? Do you even do anything besides smoke weed and drink with the guys? When was the last time you even released a new song? Or even recorded one? I don’t wanna be with someone who clearly doesn’t even wanna be in a relationship.” I screamed.

“well you know where the fucking door is.” He yelled, shocking both of us I think. I know I was shocked, and when his eyes went wide with the realization of what he said, I think he was just as shocked as I was. I bit my lip and started shaking my head as I ran upstairs into our room, ignoring Nate calling my name.

I grabbed a backpack and just started throwing random shit in it. A bra and like two extra pairs of panties. Like 3 shirts, 2 pair of leggings, socks, a pair of shorts. I tossed my charger in the bag and grabbed my purse with my keys and money and opened the bedroom door and headed downstairs.

Nate was walking out of the kitchen, tossing some asprin in his mouth as I reached the bottom step. I started heading towards the door but he called out, making me stop and turn around.

“what are you doing?” he asked.

“clearly this isn’t working anymore Nate, so I’m doing both of us a favor and leaving.” I spoke, turning back around and pulling open the door. “bye Nate.” I said, as I closed the door behind me.

I got in my car and started it, and saw Nate pull open the front door, looking at me as I backed out of the driveway. I immediately called Swazz, knowing he would help me. On the phone I explained what happened and he immediately offered me his guest bedroom. I told him I’d be over soon and hung up.

Swazz and I had been friends for as long as I had known Nate. We became so close that the first 6 months of my relationship with Nate, whenever everyone would go out, everyone would assume Swazz and I were dating. And Nate did have his suspicions of us having a thing, but he was just too much of an older brother.

Swazz let me in and it was when I saw him and he asked what happened that I finally broke down. I started bawling my eyes out, and Swazz let me cry all over his tee. He was always so helpful in my relationship with Nate, always offering advice when something was bothering me.

I eventually fell asleep, needing some rest. I woke up at around 4 pm, and walked down the hall. I heard Swazz on the phone.

Yeah man, she’s here.

No I wouldn’t do that. You two both need some time to calm down and just think about things.

Okay, you know I will.

And then he hung up. Judging by the conversation, it was no doubt Nate. Swazz and I sat around and watched some movies, but at around 8 he let me take a shower, knowing that always calms me down, and he let me borrow one of his shirts, knowing I was so used to wearing Nate’s big ones. Once I was done, despite taking a nap, I went to bed right afterwards.

The next morning I woke up and decided to check my phone to see if Nate had tried to contact me. The second I unlocked my phone, my notifications were blowing up. Twitter was going crazy, so I checked to see a bunch of screenshots of Nate out again last night. Pictures of him and Stass everywhere.

Then there was a video, from snapchat, so obviously it was on is story if fans were able to save it and tweet it. It was him and Stass out at a club. Yeah, her giving him a lap dance hurt like a bitch. But what killed was the next part, where they’re literally sitting there making out.

That was when my world shattered. 3 years and the same day we break up he’s already out with another girl. So aggravated I screamed and threw my phone at the wall. Swazz came in and his face softened when he saw me. I looked up at him and broke down.

“why” I broke down, but Swazz came and sat on bed with me, holding me in his arms as I had another break down. Again Swazz stopped me from having another panic attack, and just let me lay in bed for the day. Around 7 I decided, if he was out living up the single life, then I would too.

I don’t pay hundreds of dollars to be wasting it with my tears over some fucker. No, I deserved to go out and have the time of my life, like any other single girl would do. So I said fuck it and decided I was going out tonight.

I dressed in black ripped skinny jeans and a plain white vneck, throwing on a leather jacket and finishing the outfit with a pair of black bootie wedges. I also curled my hair, and did my make up really nice. When Swazz saw me he kinda smiled.

“feeling better?” he asked.

“yeah, I’m just gonna go out for a bit.”

“alright, you have your key?”

“yeah, I’ll see ya”

And with that I was out the door. I found an uber and found myself at a little club. Immediately walking up to the bar and ordering 2 shots, downing them both almost immediately. I got a mixed drink and turned and looked at the dancefloor.

Some like 40 year old guy came up to me and started to hit on me. He asked me to dance with him, but I kindly declined. But he didn’t give up. He reached out and grabbed my wrist, trying to pull me out, but I fought a bit. Suddenly another hand was around my waist and my thoughts were ‘I’m going to die, they’re going to rape me and kill me.’ But I was wrong.

“hey bud, mind letting go of my girl?” the guy next to me spoke, his voice low and smooth. I turned and looked at him. He was tall and hot as hell, looked my age, maybe a year or two older. Kinda long shaggy hair, but it was quiffed up a bit. And his smile, god his smile.

“oh this is your girl?” the 40 year old asked.

“yeah, and I’d appreciate if you would get your hands off her and leave her alone.”

“she’s a prude anyway.” The older guy scoffed and walked away.

I turned and looked up at the guy with his arm still around me, resting on my waist, a little lower and closer to my butt.

“thank you.” I smiled.

“hey anything for a pretty girl.” He smiled. “I’m Derek.”


And the rest of the night, we hung out. We sat at the bar, and got drink after drink. He had his hand constantly on me, somehow, someway, and always very sensual. Like, he would rub up and down my thigh, or take my hand. We were very very flirty all night, sexual tension obvious between us.

“hey, uh don’t look now, but that creep from earlier is looking over here.” Derek whispered in my ear, pulling back slightly and looking at me. I bit my lip and smiled.

“let’s give him something to look at then.”

And Derek, reading my mind, caressed my cheek with one hand, the other resting on my thigh, as my hand held onto his arm, and the other resting on his shoulder as our lips met.

What started as a sweet innocent kiss, turned heated fast and suddenly our tongues were fighting for dominance. I pulled back to catch my breath and Derek smiled at me.

“you wanna get outta here?”

And in that moment I thought about Nate. I still cared about him, but he no doubt fucked Stass after that video, and they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

“yes.” I said breathlessly.

Next thing I know, me and Derek are walking out of the club hand in hand. He called an uber and the second we were in and he told them his address, we were both all over each other.

We stumbled into his place, sloppily making out, neither of us caring how many pieces of furniture we ran into. First it was the side table, then the back of the couch, then the tv, then the speakers, and after that the armrest of the couch, causing us both to fall back onto the couch, Derek landing on top of me.

“are you sure you want to?” he pulled up and asked.

“yes, please.” I said breathlessly, and next thing I know our lips are attached.

Clothes started flying off and next thing I know Derek is inside of me, no foreplay needed. It felt so good. He felt so good. I was a moaning mess within minutes. The sound of skin slapping and both our moans filled the room, and when we both finally released, Derek collapsed on top of me.

He grabbed a sheet and covered us and within minutes we were both asleep.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of a doorbell. I turned and nudged a still sleepy Derek.

“Derek, someone’s at the door.” I groaned, still tired.

“can you get it babygirl?” he groaned, eyes still closed.

“what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“just ask what they want, if they explain why they’re here, don’t let them in, if they say they gotta see me, let em in.” He spoke, running his hand down his face, slowly waking up.

I got off the couch and threw on Derek’s shirt, not knowing where mine was. I also threw on his boxers, my panties lost. I started heading towards the door and turned to see Derek finally sitting up, but before I opened the door I yelled at him.

“if you’re about to have company you might wanna put some pants on.”

“babygirl, if you wanted to see me in the morning, all you had to do was ask.” He smirked, standing up and letting the sheet fall, his manhood standing at full attention. Morning wood. I laughed and turned to open the door, looking down still.

“can I help y-“ I stopped short, looking up to see Nate. My eyes wide, his just filled with confusion. He then looked me up and down and suddenly his jaw clenched. He didn’t say anything, just pushed open the door and brushed past me.

“LUH, THE FUCK YOU AT?” Nate screamed, I followed after him, stopping right behind him as he saw Derek in the living room, fixing his shorts.

“hey wassup Skate?”

“YOU FUCKED MY GIRL?” Nate hissed, his hands in fists, ready to throw punches.

“didn’t know yall were together.” Derek spoke, calm as hell.

“well, we were, but, fuck it man, it doesn’t matter, You still fucked my girl.” Nate spoke.

Derek was about to speak again, but Nate had ran up and punched him. The two guys breaking out into a fist fight.

“guys.” I tried, but they didn’t respond.

“Guys!” I yelled louder, yet no response again.

“GUYS” I tried again, but they paid no attention.

“NATE” I yelled, grabbing his arm, and he stopped, holding Derek by the collar, and Nate’s angry look disappeared and his face filled with sorrow. Nate let go of Derek, throwing him down onto the floor.

I made sure Derek was okay, and once I got him off the ground and onto the couch, I turned and looked at Nate.

“what the fuck was that.”

“what the fuck was that? What the fuck is my girlfriend doing at my best friends house in his fucking clothes?” Nate growled, looking between me and Derek. My eyes went wide.

“wait, y-you know each other?” I stuttered.

“yeah, Nate’s family. He got me on his label.” Derek said from the couch.

“wait what?”

“why do you think I’ve been at the studio so much ma? I’ve been working with Derek. Yeah, sometimes we all get a little sidetracked and start fucking around, but other than that it’s been late nights with Derek.” Nate explained. “look, can we talk?”

“uh, yeah.” I said, and Nate took my hand and dragged me into Derek’s kitchen. I leaned against the counter, and Nate stood across from me.

“look, I’m sorry okay. I was an idiot. I shouldn’t have said the shit I did, and I definitely should have stopped you from leaving. I was an ass.” Nate spoke out.

“No Nate, you were right. I should have just trusted you.”

“no (y/n) you were right. I should be spending more time with you, it’s not right for me to spend all my time at the studio or out with the boys, when I could be spending it with my girl.”

“Nate, I didn’t mean what I said. I understand you’re at the studio a lot and working really hard. I just got upset because I thought you would rather go out with the guys then be with me. I- I thought you didn’t love me anymore.” I admitted, looking shyly up at Nate.

His mouth dropped, and in the blink of an eye Nate was in front of me, my face in his hands and his lips on mine. After he pulled back, he looked at me, hands still holding my face.

“babygirl, of course I love you. I’m always gonna love you, don’t you ever doubt that. I never knew what love was until I met you, so you best believe I ain’t ever gonna throw what we got away.” He smiled. “I love you way too much ma.”

“I love you too Nate.”

“so does that mean you’re gonna come back home?” he smiled.

“yeah, I’m coming back home.”


The Teachings of Janet

  I love what Beyoncé is doing right now, but i think since you guys love feminist ideas and empowerment of black women you should really get to know better this amazing artist.

1 - Control

  Starting with her breakthrough album, Control is all about you being the only person who gets to decide your life choices, and also ideas of woman sharing the same space in a relationship, being respected and not getting less than satisfied with what you want. ‘Nasty’ and ‘The Pleasure Principle’ are the key songs to this album.

2 - Rhythm Nation

  This one is a landmark on pop music, the first album to be open about racism and separation, the iconic video for the self-titled song is black and white because “this way everyone gets different shades of grey and no one feels separated” - said Janet and is considered to this day one of the most important videos of MTV era. The album has a powerful message, and flirts with a lot of unusual genres for a pop record like industrial and hard rock.

3 - Janet.

  Janet is her most abrasive album in terms of sexuality, her ideas here are woman embracing their sexual side without shame and themes of pride and joy living life as a black woman. The legendary 1993 rolling stone magazine cover is copied to this day as a sign of confidence, “That’s the Way Love Goes“ is stablished as her biggest hit to this day and created a formula every pop artist (spacially woman) follow in their videos.

4 - The Velvet Rope

  And last but not least Janet’s darkest and most experimental album to date, velvet rope has just like her past works a strong message but this time it’s deeper and much more personal, the album cover themes such as depression, self-esteem, homossexuality and abuse, coming from a place of confusion and sadness much of these songs has to do with dealing with yourself and what makes you feel weak, it also has confessions about abusive relationship. The big part of the albums focus on wanting to feel accepted as who you are and getting in touch with your true self. It is a pretty dark message for a pop album, specially in 1997 but the importance of it and the openess about accepting different forms of sexuality made Janet not just a pop star but a true artist, taking control of the biggest part of the album, producing and writing most of the material and being the pioneer on alternative R&B way back in the time.

  So there you go my basic introduction to one of the first feminist black woman in mainstream music. There is a lot more about this albums to talk about but i did quick resume, also sorry for my english it’s pretty lame.

The Signs as Bang Yongguk Quotes
  • Taurus: Life is like a piano. The white keys represent happiness and the black keys represent sadness. But as you go through life, remember that the black keys make music too.
  • Gemini: There is nothing you should give up on just because you have lost your way.
  • Cancer: Afraid that someone will catch onto my feelings, I always hide them deep into the corner of my heart.
  • Leo: It always seems impossible until it's done; a score does not define who you are as a person.
  • Virgo: I just don’t like irrationalities and unfairness. I believe that we need to talk about the things that are wrong. Our fans are young. And I don’t think there are certain things they shouldn’t know just because they’re young. I rather think that they need to get used to talking about society and things that are important when they are young because it will help them become better adults.
  • Libra: MAKE ART. NOT WAR.
  • Scorpio: Do what you like. Love what you do.
  • Sagittarius: I believe that working hard to perfect the parts you think are lacking is a must.
  • Capricorn: Alone we may be weak, but together we are strong.
  • Aquarius: A dream you dream alone is just a dream, but a dream you dream together is reality.
  • Pisces: Rather than a hundred words, I believe that you can know someone’s heart by looking at their eyes. I think it’s enough if I see sincerity and truth in someone’s gaze.
The Kidnapping of a King: How the media sanitized the legacy of Dr. King

(February 2014)

Today marks the 28th Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  It also marks 28 years of reducing the legacy of radical social justice and antiwar activist into that of loving quotes on racial reconciliation. Ultimately, think back to what you were taught about Dr. King and you’ll most likely remember his role in bus boycotts, sit-ins, and famous speeches. Like the memorial erected for him in Washington D.C., the meaning of Dr. King’s legacy has been ossified by the establishment into one of nonviolence and love.  What you are not taught is that Dr. King’s concept of love manifested in his theories on social justice, economic equity, human rights, and global war. Today, the establishment that hated Dr. King markets an illusion of who he was.  I’ll let the good Doctor make his own case:

 On war, capitalism, and civil rights

“I am convinced that if we are to get on the right side of the world revolution, we as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. We must rapidly begin the shift from a thing-oriented society to a person-oriented society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered.”

 On economic justice 

“True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring. ”

On internal colonialism

“The purpose of the slum is to confine those who have no power and perpetuate their powerlessness. The slum is little more than a domestic colony which leaves its inhabitants dominated politically, exploited economically, segregated and humiliated at every turn.”

On Jim Crow as both racial and class warfare 

“The Southern aristocracy took the world and gave the poor white man Jim Crow…And when his wrinkled stomach cried out for the food that his empty pockets could not provide, he ate Jim Crow, a psychological bird that told him that no matter how bad off he was, at least he was a white man, better than a black man.”


You were probably taught that Dr. King’s harshest critics were white southerners and more radical elements within the movement like Malcolm X. The truth is that during his life the mainstream media criticized Dr. King. On his stance on the Vietnam War, Life magazine described his speeches as “demagogic slander that sounded like a script for Radio Hanoi.”

During his life, Dr. King was not well received by the establishment. In the years since his death in 1968, his image and political significance have been sanitized and neutralized. He serves as a mouthpiece for love and compassion as the keys of historical progress. What one should remember was that Dr. King was intensely critical of the capitalist state, global war, and separating economic rights from civil rights. What Dr. King was for was protest, education and direct action. If you truly honor Dr. King and his legacy, you honor the core values that he stood for.

Twitter: bodega_gyro_ao


Characters: Dean x Reader

Words: 3162 (see why it’s so long in the note!)

Summary: The reader only every saw three colors- black, white, and green. But as life moved on, she met Dean, and felt better than she ever had. Little did she know he was the key to unlocking every color.

This story is my 200th one shot on tumblr!! Oh my gosh!! I haven’t even had this blog for a full six months, but it feels like so much longer. Thank you all for helping reach this milestone, helping me grow as a writer and as a person. I’ve met a great friend, learned how to grow in my writing, and learned more about myself every single day. This story is so long because I wanted it to be special. It’s not a request, just an idea that I’ve always loved with a little twist. So please, enjoy, and thank you for helping me reach 200 stories. :)

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Best Mistake (Kian Lawley)


    ”Wait, what!? Babe, I can’t hear you over the loud music,” you say into the phone.

    You hear cheering on the other side, then you can barely make out when Kian says, “You should come over! This party is insane!”

    You sigh. You know he knows that you aren’t that into parties. It’s not that you hate them, but you know that things can go wrong so quickly. And it’s funny how Kian is your complete opposite. He’s the party animal in the relationship. You don’t even know how you two became so attracted to each other considering how different you two are. But you love him, and that’s all that matter. Even if it means you staying home while Kian goes out.

    “It’s okay. You can have fun. I don’t feel well.” You hear silence from him, but still madness in the background. “Just be careful and don’t get in trouble. Okay?”

     He finally says, “Okay okay. Love you.” Then he ends the call. You lock your phone and continue to read your book for the rest of night, hoping that maybe, for some reason, Kian will leave the party and come to your place.


     You are awoken by the annoying ringtone of your phone. It takes you a second to wake up enough to move. You remove the book from your lap and set it on the coffee table while you grab your phone. You look at the screen and it takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the brightness. Then you see that it’s an unknown number, but you decide to answer it. “Hello?”

     ”(Y/N)?” It’s the sound of Kian’s voice.

     ”Kian? Why aren’t you calling me from your phone?” Then you look at your phone screen really quick and you see that it’s three in the morning. There’s not way he has good news if he’s calling you this late.

     ”I um,” he stutters, “I’m in jail. Can you come bail me out?”

     ”What!?” Of course Kian is in jail. From what it sounded like, that party was nothing but trouble. But it’s Kian. You trusted him to behave. So many scenererious are running through your head right now, you are getting too angry. “Why are you in jail?” Or should you add again. 

    “It’s not important right now. Cann you just cooommeee?” He slurs his last words. Now you have a pretty good idea of why Kian is in jail.

     ”You got drunk didn’t you!? Were you driving? Did you hit a cop? Were you doing other drugs? Kian, I swear, if you were-“

     ”I’ll explain everything to you soon. Can you just please?” 

     You love Kian, but there’s times like this where you wonder if your life would be easier without him. But then you think, I can’t live without his touch. His presence. Him.

    “You better have a good fucking explanation.” Then you hang up the phone. You scream out in frustration, to let some of the anger out. Then you put yourself back to together and find your keys. You lock your door and get into your car, now on your way to the police station.

    On the way over there, you can hold in your tears. Things are just so complicated with Kian. Your love and hate for him. Hot and cold. Black and white. Bittersweet. Your thoughts are all jumbled up I’m your head.

    You pull up in the parking lot, which is mostly empty, and walk inside. You talk to the officer who is at the front desk. She explains to you how the bail works, and you disappointinglypay $800. It takes you a while to fill out the paper work.

    Finally, another officer comes to lead you to where Kian is. You follow him into another room. When you walk in, you see Kian, behind bars. He has his head in his hands as he sits on a bench. You walk in, clearing your throat to get his attention. You show him you aren’t happy by keeping your arms crossed over your chest.

    “(Y/N),” he says, sounding relieved. He pauses so you can say something back, but you keep your mouth closed. “I’m sorry.”

    “I’m sure you are,” you snap.

    “Were. .. you able to bail me out?”

    “It took $800 out of my pocket.”

    “I’m sorry.” He can’t seem to look you in the eye for more than a split second.

    “You already said that,” you say as you look at the officer. He knows you are looking at him so he can let Kian out now. He walks over, puts his key in the lock, and opens the door. That’s when you just turn to head back outside. Not once do you look back.

    When you walk out the front door, you stop right in front of your car. Kian notices your mood and stops in front of you and says, “I know you’re really mad.”

    You give him a sinister laugh. “Mad? No, mad was when you went to that party without me and left me home alone.”

    Kian stays silent.

    “What did you get arrested for?”

    He looks at the ground as he admits, “I was in the car with a few of my friends.”


    “We were all drunk… and a few of them had weed but I didn’t know. It wasn’t until the cops pulled us over that they found a few bags.”

    “Kian!” You scream. “How could you be so stupid?!”

    “Hey, we were just having fun! When did you become my moommmm?" 

    "You’re not serious? I’m only sounding like this because I need too! I don’t like parties for that specific reason! And driving in a car drunk isn’t fun. It’s reckless. I don’t like coming to have to bail you out of jail this early in the morning. Again!”

    “Why are we pointing fingers when we are the same! I wouldn’t like to spend every night reading a book. That’s boring to me. I look going out and having fun. Babe! Everyone makes mistakes! I’m not perfect.”

    You put your hand up to your forehead, feeling frustrated. “I know you’re not. It’s just… sometimes I feel like we don’t work. I hate partying and drinking. But that’s your life. That’s what you like to do. But I feel like we won’t last. Maybe I’m the sinner, and you’re the saint.
We got to stop pretending what we aren’t.”

    Kian then steps closer to you, putting his arms around your waist. You are so weak at this point that you let him. Then he tells you, “Don’t say that. I know we work. I know we may not like the same things, but I know I love you. I know that I would break if I lost you.”

    “Then why do you keep doing things like this?” The tears are now coming back.

    “Honestly, I don’t know.”

    “See Kian, that’s just it. You don’t know, but it keeps on happening. I don’t know how much it will take until I break. Can we please make up our minds and stop acting like we’re blind?”

     He leans his forehead to yours, your noses almost touching too. You can already smell the alcohol. “We aren’t blind. My mind is made up. I know you won’t break because I’m going to change.”

    “No you won’t. I know you.”

    Again, Kian stays silent.

    “What’s wrong with us?” you ask.

    “I don’t know. I know we keep coming back like this. I know we are completely different people, but there’s something that doesn’t let me stay away from you. I want you. I need you.”

    “I need you too. I think you are the best mistake I’ve ever made.” It hurts again. The feeling of hot and cold. It’s just so overwhelming. 

    “I know we are completely different, but we hold on. That’s why we work. (Y/N), I’m sorry this happened tonight. It was so wrong of me. I’m going to try to change. I really am. I want to spend more time with you. I feel like such an asshole. Will you forgive me?”

    You sigh. You want to think about this, but you already know what your mind is going to tell you. “Yes, I forgive you. I love you.”

    “I love you too.” Then Kian leans in. The smell the boos on him gets stronger before his lips meet yours. When they do, the taste is familiar. It that same one from last time. All the beer and liquior. But under all the that is the sweet taste of Kian that you love. The one that comforts you and makes you love him even more.

    When he pulls away, he keeps staring into your eyes as he says, “I have another party tomorrow.”

    Disappointment hits you right away.

    “But I’m not going to go to it,” he assures you.

    “Why not?” You just need to hear his answer to comfort you.

    “Because I want to spend the day with the love of my liffeeeeee,” he slurs his words again.

    You giggle this time and say, “Okay, we’ll talk about this in the morning. When your sober.”

    “That’s probably a good idea,” he says as you push on his back to lead him into the passenger seat.

anonymous asked:

heyho. so i just recently got into B.A.P. And as much as i like them all i do find Yongguk a bit scary. I can see you're a huge Yongguk fan so could you please tell me why you like him and things to watch to get into him. idk. Because I do believe that he is an amazing leader. and i want to understand and love him like you do too. tysm.

Well bae, no worries, you came to the right place. *Takes a deep breathe* Okay, let’s get into this!

Okay so first of all I must admit that if you don’t know Yongguk then you might find him very scary and intimidating. Even I thought he was extremely scary in the beginning. The thing is that as soon as you get to know this angel you will see his real face. He’s just one big gummy bear.  

Let’s start off with his voice fact. Okay, so when Bang was little he never spoke, it was around the age of four that he said his first word and then BOOM, the deepest voice ever was created.

Yongguk is a person who fights for justice and he has a list of principles which he always follows even though he is in an industry where you usually would go against his principles. Bang stand’s very strong when it comes to believing in what is right. He will never give in if he believes that the situation is wrong/unfair/injustice or just anything, that goes against his principles.

Bang is a very deep person and I think that everyone agrees with that.  And even though he doesn’t speak much and is always very quiet, whenever he does speak everyone just turns quiet in curiosity of what might this deep person say now? Some of Bang’s quotes:

“I would want to be the wind, so that I could go anywhere”

“Silence is better than bullshit”

“There’s nothing you should give up on, just because you’ve lost your way”

“Life is like a piano. The white keys represents happiness and the black keys represent sadness. But as you go through life, remember that the black keys make music too.”

Now that’s deep bro

Now we have how Bang influences others. So, once he made B.A.P clean up all the trash and you can really see how that has imprinted on the members. For example: When B.A.P was in Australia and Jongup was eating ice cream, the paper flew away. Now, people would normally just ignore that, but Jongup went after the paper just to throw it in the bin. In conclusion Bang has kept the other members grounded and because he has this *father role”, he has really raised his children right. And you can clearly see how proud he is of all of them.

Bang Yongguk is also a music genius. He mixes his depth with music and expresses it with so much color and meaning. Why does that make him a music genius? Well, let’s just look at the fact that he made a song where he was practically just singing about how he feels and even though no one but him as been it such a situation, a lot of people could relate to the song.

Check it out here:

But it’s not only this song. Every B.A.P song has so much depth and meaning. He doesn’t make music for it to be mainstream he makes it to get his message through. He uses music in a beautiful way.

Okay so I’ve talked about how amazing he is as a person and even though I could write 100 pages about it I’ll stop here, because it will be ten times more exciting when you discover all of this by yourself.  

Okay so let’s just for a moment talk about his intimidation. Yes, I know, sitting like a mafia boss all in black, not saying a word. It’s scary. But in reality Bang is such a gummy bear. His huge gummy smile is what brings everyone to their knees. He has this smile which is really so beautiful. Want to really fall in love with Bang?  Yu Huiyeol said it himself.

Watch the full video here starts at 25:00:


In conclusion I completely understand why you would find him intimidating and scary because I felt the same way. But when you really start noticing him, and listening when he speaks you will truly understand the beauty of Bang Yongguk.

Sorry for the long post. I hope it helped Bae ^^

09x17 "Mother's Little Helper"
10x02 "Reichenbach"

“Takes a junkie to know a junkie”- The First Blade as Dean’s “Precious”

Last week I sort of tripped over a few parallels between Dean’s arc spanning from S8 to S10 and his descent to darkness as well as falling prey to the Mark of Cain and the First Blade in relation Frodo’s arc in “Lord of the Rings”. Over the weekend, I had some time to re-watch some scene from LotR and and S9 and I felt compelled to sort of expand a bit on my rambly-feely thoughts from last week (see here), because there was one small word that to me connects both scenarios not just on a metaphorical level, but on a head on, textual one as well. And that small word is this one: precious. And both times it’s used by the very character that was nursing Dean’s decay.

From LotR this small word is most famously connoted with Smeagol/Gollum, who was the first to lose himself to the influence of the ring before Frodo. In the following I will take a look at these characters and their reaction/change to wearing the ring and compare them to Dean’s reaction and change of character after he takes on the MoC.

I have been writing a lot about Dean’s dark arc and the MoC as a track mark/addiction (have a few examples here) before. As latest as 9x17 “Mother’s Little Helper” the show has openly framed Dean’s obsession with the First Blade as a type of addiction. On top of that Jensen has been talking about Dean behaving similar to a heroin addict when it comes to the MoC and the blade (see here and here).

The first aspect I find interesting to take a look at is how Frodo comes to own the ring. While this is vastly different to how Dean came across the MoC, because while Frodo didn’t choose the ring in the beginning as consciously as Dean took on the MoC, later on he considers the ring to be “his burden”.

That alone in terms of vocabulary draws an interesting parallel to Cain telling Dean taking on the MoC some would consider to be “a great burden”. This isn’t the only time though that in terms of vocabulary there are spot-on-parallels between SPN and LotR, but more on that later. Frodo - for lack of a better word - inherits his father figure’s addiction and obsession with the ring which loosely reminds of how 1) Dean struggles with alcoholism as an adult in a similar fashion it was implied John struggled with, 2) Dean in a way can be seen as Cain’s son and in that way inheriting Cain’s addiction to the MoC and the First Blade as well.

In relation to Cain’s story it is also interesting to acknowledge how Smeagol came across the ring and what happened just a short time after he first laid eyes on it. He killed his cousin in a fight over the ring and was cast out, wandered aimlessly, withdrew from society and civilisation andcompletely succumbed to his addiction to the point he completely lost himself, his identity and even forgot his name (more on that particular aspect in a bit).

All of the above, from fighting and killing a family member, to being sentenced to roam the earth, withdrawing from society and eventually getting lost in darkness to me not onyl reads as a perfect parallel to Cain, but also how we saw Dean withdraw from his loved ones more and more and grew closer to Crowley, who provided what he craved and with that essentially becoming his dealer and feeding Dean’s growing dependency.

The aspect of isolation on one hand and succumbing to an addiction are two vital aspects of Dean’s downward spiral of S9 and his metamorphosis from human to demon (in case you are interested I wrote a really long 3-part-meta on Dean’s metamorphosis in relation to Kafka and Ovid as part of the “Hellatus Meta Madness - Part 1,2,3). On LotR the audience experiences Frodo’s decline in contrast to Smeagol/Gollum, who serves as a sort of warning sign of what he could turn into if he gives in to the tempation of the ring. And there are few interesting parallels in behaviour between Frodo (when he is already pretty dependent on the ring) and Dean and how their steady decline is further emphasized.

Before Samwise and Frodo part and Frodo goes with Gollum, which is basically him choosing the addiction over his best friend. Sam tells Frodo:

“You don’t eat, you barely sleep. […] You can’t take your eyes of it. It’s (the ring) taken a hold of you. I can carry it for a while, help you carry the load.”

Frodo reacts furiously, thinking Sam wants to take the ring (his fix) away and in the end chooses Gollum over Sam, which is basically how we saw Dean in late S9 - not eating, not sleeping (which we are actually seeing starting up again now as well - we haven’t seen him sleep yet and he didn’t much eat from his plate in the diner in 10x07 “Girls Girls Girls”) - and which is a perfect echo of how Demon!Dean summed it up in 10x03 “Soul Survivour”:

“I chose the King of Hell over you.”

In both scenarios the addiction wins over love, which is also why I think in the end it will and must be the other way around: love being the key to Dean being able to control the MoC, getting a grip on his addiction.

There is one more Sam line when Frodo chooses Gollum over Sam that is incredibly fitting to Dean’s arc and spiral from S9 onwards:

“He poisoned you.”

To me this relates and calls back perfectly to Dean thinking of himself as poison, when it really was the MoC and the blade poisoning and changing him. And that brings me back to Smeagol/Gollum changing in appearance after years upon years of being obsessed and addicted to the ring even forgetting his name. Gollum is just a shell of the person he once was, lost everything that made him, who he was. Essentially he lost himself and his identity, which imo is pretty heartbreakingly and amazingly captured by him forgetting his true name (and fittingly enough - in true fairytale fashion, he gets a bit better when Frodo reminds him of his true name - but the importance of calling things and people by their name in lore, etc. is a meta for another time).

This fits well with SPN arc about identity and all major characters being in search of it and Dean in partiuclar. He is struggling with a similar duality Smeagol/Gollum struggled with. For him it’s the struggle between Dean and Demon!Dean. And while the change for Dean in contrast to Smeagol’s decay which had a huge physical quality to it, is mostly an emotional one, in the end Dean changed in appearance as well. Smeagol’s twisted soul and him becoming more and more consumed by the ring was visualized by him becoming more monstrous on the outside. On SPN it was Dean’s soul that was slowly corrupted and corroded while on the outside he remained the same until his soul was twisted into that of a demon and equipped Dean with a shiny pair of black eyes.

So how will it end for Dean? While Frodo carried a never completely healing wound from a fight with the ring wraiths (who to me feel like a perfect parallel to the knights of hell) - which was described as much a physical as well as a spiritual one serving as a reminder and symbol for the pain and hurt the character has not dealt with and which might be a reason for later relapses - Dean has the MoC. In the end Frodo wrestles with Gollum over the ring, which ends with Gollum and the ring falling into the lava (one might also see it as Frodo killing his dark self, his addiction) while Frodo survives. He is forever changed though. This is kind of how I see Dean’s arc to play out as well (to a good extent also because I am just dying to see Jensen playing a face off of Dean vs. DemonDean in his mind). Dean will carry the MoC forever, never fully healing because it is as much physical and it is spiritual (it might fade the more Dean works through his past traumas), but him being able to destroy the first blade (I also kind of like how the ring was thrown into lava and Cain thought he threw it into the ocean) while remaining forever changed by the events. Frodo let go of his precious, got over his addiction, saw his mirror character die in flames. I don’t expect anything less from Dean. In fact, in 10x07 Dean pretty much said what was acted out in LotR:

“The people, who loved me pulled me back from that edge.”

which is is exactly what Samwise did with Frodo as well. He couldn’t have done it though if Frodo had let go - and he was close to doing just that -a nd that’s the point Dean hasn’t reached yet. The people, who loved him pulled him back, but he didn’t truly participate. But that’s a key element to it. You cannot get better for someone else, you have to do it for yourself. People might bring you back to life, but they can’t save you, if you’re not willing to save yourself. That is why Galadriel’s words to Frodo are words Dean Winchester should take to heart as well when it comes to saving himself and working on his recovery:

“If you do not find a way, no one will.”

This is my first tattoo, and it’s a reminder that the mindset you have throughout life is what will make or break you. If you think negative thoughts, negativity will consume you. A positive attitude will get you to a better place in your life, although it is tough, positivity is key to a happy life.