The fandom has become so toxic, Matty. I don't even know how to stay here anymore without going berserk. Uttering a single word gets me such backlash it makes me weep. I've blocked and muted and everything in between. Nothing works. I don't know why I'm telling you this but please help me. I don't know what to do anymore.
Oh, anon. I’m so, so very sorry to hear this. Have a hug, first and foremost.
I’m nobody to tell you what to do but since you left this in my inbox, I cannot leave this unanswered.
Trust me, we all have our moments. I did as well and I took a break because sometimes that’s the only thing you can do. So, you do you without any hesitation.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - the thing is that the fandom is sentient. It’s something that I realized a while ago but this fandom is sentient. It holds so many people within itself, from different backgrounds, cultures, genders, and what not. Imagine every difference you can conceive and put it all together under one blanket. So many thousands of people with so many different energies. And all of it feeding the fandom. Nobody is a nobody. Every single one of us is important. Everything is symbiotic.
For me, fandom is a sentient being. When there is a great moment (think the teaser for 3x20) it thrives and lives spectacularly. When there are hard times (think entire season 5), it slumps and sighs in weariness. The fandom lives because of us. We hold the reins of its life, and as so many different people, it’s inevitable that the lows will come with the highs. It is also inevitable that there will be people who disagree with you, people who’ll never like you, people with whom you’d never mix. But there are also people who would. Those are the ones I focus on.
I love Oliver. I love Felicity. Together and as individuals. I love them because they are not perfect. I love them because they are flawed human beings who make mistakes and learn and persevere through situations that break people. They inspire me and I love them.
I may not agree with the show sometimes. (I definitely don’t)
I may think the story sucks sometimes (I definitely do)
I may think the characters deserve better most times (I absolutely do)
I may miss the old way (I really do)
I may want to smack Oliver on his head or shake Felicity sometimes. (I do)
I may want to invade the Writers Room and change the scripts (a lot)
But that does not change the one basic fact underneath everything - I connect to Olicity. (Even when they’re going through the bad times, I connect to them)
And that’s the entire point, anon. All of us are here because, despite our numerous differences and stands, at some point, we connected to them. We are united by one simple thing - Olicity.
It’s not just a ship or a phenomenon anymore. It’s a way of life. And life has a way of being harsh sometimes.
Everyone has a right to their opinion and they should - that’s what makes everything dynamic and stops us from being sheep. Sometimes it gets rough, sometimes it’s smooth. But the most important thing is that this fandom is here because of the connection each and every one of us feels to Oliver and Felicity.
I know sometimes things become very bleak. Sometimes I get upset too, it’s unnatural not to. Thankfully, I have friends I vent to in those moments and they smack sense into me. And with that sense, also comes a reminder. About not just the bad, but the good of this fandom.
This is the same fandom that unites with a fierceness that’s unbelievable when faced with adversaries. This is the same fandom that put everything else aside and got together for a week during MTV Ship of the Year to grab that victory for our babies. This is the same fandom where Person A may not like Person B but they’d slay any outsider raising a finger at them.
I agree it has it’s hard moments, but it has those moments too that will remain with us for the rest of our lives, experiences that we couldn’t have gone through anywhere else. I like to focus on those usually. As long as people know what they are here for, that Olicity is the core of this fandom, it’s all good. I am not here for everyone who agrees or disagrees with me. I am here for Oliver and Felicity and my connection to them. This is my happy place, not naturally, but because I try my damnedest to keep it so.
So, do what makes you feel happiest here, anon. Take a break if that’s what makes you happy. Leave or stay if that does. Meet people or sit in your own corner, ignore what you don’t like or take a stand- it’s all on you. Choose your battles, as they say.
It’s like writing a story (and I’m using this analogy because this is who I am). There may be people who hate it, people who tell you they hate it, people who criticize everything harshly. But there are also people who believe and encourage and take the time to give you the best of their love. That’s who you focus on. That’s how you keep writing.
Have your own opinions. Stay strong to them. Respect what others say. They have a reason for the way they feel too. We don’t know where anyone comes from and being judgemental is the easy path, not the correct one.
Live and let live. Do you. Be happy. Try and make the most of the good bits.
Because we are in a relationship with Oliver and Felicity. And relationships are not easy, but then,
“I want to love you without clutching, appreciate you without judging, join you without invading, invite you without demanding, leave you without guilt, criticize you without blaming, and help you without insulting. If I can have the same from you, then we can truly meet and enrich each other.”