life of a classics student

Do you ever have those rehearsals that are late at night and you’re so busy and tired and sight reading in e major and oh no now look we’re in d flat major and something about 5/4 and treble clef versus tenor clef? and then you start giving all of this stupid, unfunny, cringey commentary and people are uncomfortable and you can’t stop and you just get more and more insensitive and cringe and then you run away and check your house to make sure it’s not bugged and you sleep in a shoe closet so no one can sneak up on you and you slowly hunt down everyone in the rehearsal to save yourself from the embarrassment, but even years after your transgressions, the shame of those cringey things you said at that night rehearsal resonate like gunshots inside of you and you realise you can never truly escape the shame so you take your own life?

Because that just happened to me.
10 classical books everyone should read
They’re probably there somewhere, quite far down on your reading list, saved for the rainiest of days if ever the Internet cuts out. But if you don’t pick up the ancient classics – some of Europe’s earliest and arguably best works in fiction, history, philosophy, and theatre – now, you probably never will. From the words behind the Greek myths that mystified us as children to the inner sanctum of twisted emperors via proto-feminist political dissent, the Roman and Greek classics have it.

It’s been a shit week, so here is something I’ve been looking forward to for ages: tote bags! Screen printed, 100% cotton, 100% distraction from the news so I don’t end up in a crying heap.

Pre-orders are open now (because I’m not sure about turnaround times with my new supplier, etc.)

Yes, that is a copy of Tequila Mockingbird.

First social event of the academic quarter:

1. One professor drank at least three bottles of wine
2. One professor drank a bottle of wine then punched me three times in the harm exactly where I got my flu shot
3. A student took out cigarettes and two professors squealed, lunged for them, and went outside and smoked the rest of the pack
4. I got called an “international classics scholar” lol
5. One professor complained vehemently because there wasn’t enough lemon in the artichokes (it was a potluck so the professor who made the artichokes was offended)
6. Was okayed by department chair to haze the first year cohort
7. Walked in on a group of Ph.d. students reading a book about the Victorian fern mania
8. A screaming match ensued because our departmental Republican started spouting some anti-Middle Eastern bullshit
9. Got really rowdy (pretty much a shouting match) while discussing the use of the perfect tense in primary sequence indirect speech in Latin
10. Finally got kicked out of professor’s house
11. Saw an undergraduate girl projectile vomiting on the sidewalk while watching from the pub where we after-partied

Don’t ever let anyone tell you grad school isn’t fun.

  • Latin text book: "...and the mother was pregnant in her belly."
  • Classmates: "why the fuck does it say 'in her belly' and why 'mother', that's just obvious!"
  • Me: "well, Pallas Athena was born out of the head of her father."
  • Classmates: "..."
  • Teacher: "..."
  • Me: "..."
  • Teacher: "*bursts out in enormous loud laughing*"
  • Teacher: "Ellie, you're a genius."