life is an incredibly difficult thing

the most difficult thing to understand when i was figuring out that im actually a lesbian who was experiencing compulsory heterosexuality is that comp het isn’t just forcing yourself to like men

you can really, genuinely have warm, positive, strong feelings towards men and they can still be comp het. because comp het is the assumption that any feelings that you have towards a man MUST be attraction because society talks all the time about hetero love and attraction so when you feel something towards a man you think “oh, this must be what it’s like”. and then as part of “discovering your sexuality” you try to find ways that you find men attractive. you think “i’m not attracted to physical appearance, only personalities” or “i only like feminine men” or you find ways to make yourself aroused by men by imagining them in all kinds of kinky and unusual scenarios until you hit one that appeals to you

and then when you can’t follow through with this ‘attraction’ in real life scenarios when you have a chance to have a romantic/sexual relationship with a man you assume that’s it’s some broken part of you that’s stopping you, or some quirk of your personality, or a circumstance of your life (”i have high standards” or “i only like older men” or “i have some incredibly obscure made-up sexuality where i only like men until they like me back”), and you explain away why you’re unable to find an attainable man in real life who you’re attracted to.

and this is something that’s really difficult to recognise because in the process of figuring out your sexuality you question how you feel and you come back with “well i definitely have strong feelings for men” and assume you’re straight or bi. but another important thing to question is “have i correctly labelled and understood what this feeling is and am i certain that it’s actually attraction”

society puts so much emphasis on the importance and intensity of heterosexual love and attraction that it’s important to actively remind yourself that it’s possible to love someone and have a deep interest in them without having romantic or sexual feelings towards them (especially if that love comes along with another intense interest, like your feelings towards a fictional man in a tv show you love)

a brief description of the ascendants

(your ascendant sign, also known as your rising sign, represents the way other people see you and their impression of you)


capricorn rising often have a negative, cynical mind-set and will expect the worst no matter what. they’re naturally private and practical, yet still manage to be friendly and inviting. the complainers of the signs, capricorn risings are very hardworking individuals who don’t let a failure or set back knock them down and because of that come across very determined.

keywords: practical, serious, stern, success-orientated


aquarius rising have often been seen as unusual and unique because of their wild personalities. although outsiders would view them to be this way, aquarius rising have the willpower and motivation to get a lot more accomplished than many might suspect.

keywords: abrupt, erratic, difficult, boldly romantic


pisces rising love to dream, create and express their personalities through art. with feelings as deep and intense as pisces rising, they often appear to be fall in love too quick and too often. pisces rising also has a tendency to absorb and become a part of their environment.

keywords: dreamy, deeply romantic, morbid, unreliable


aries rising are very ambitious and confident in their opinions. very passionate and loving, they think tough love is the best way forward and at times can come across as blunt or rude.

keywords: energetic, impatient, sensual, aggressive


taurus rising appear to be very level-headed and practical, but internally can struggle with situations they don’t understand. their determined nature can also come as stubborn.

keywords: affectionate, vulgar, vain, social


gemini rising enjoy expanding their knowledge and making sure they’re well informed. although social butterflies, they can be known to talk over others or gossip in their effort to seem knowledgable or relatable.

keywords: talkative, forgetful, conceited, sarcastic


cancer rising lead with their heart and use their emotions as a compass. their nature is to adapt to their surroundings by reflecting whoever they interact with, sometimes coming across as a “social sponge”.

keywords: devoted, caring, vanity, restlessness


leo rising have a creative streak. they enjoy having their own style and attitude, they create trends rather than follow them. leo rising can also find it difficult to find the line between arrogance and confidence.

keywords: arrogant, gullible, idealism, creative


virgo rising are incredibly hardworking, motivated and often perfectionists. they can miss out on having fun with friends because they fail to see there’s more to life than hard work, almost making them seem closed off when in reality they enjoy expressing their naturally great communication skills.

keywords: youthful, thoughtful, aloof, discrete


libra rising are social butterflies. they rather spend a day with friends or family than alone. very talented, libra rising may struggle to find one thing they enjoy and often maintain many hobbies instead of focusing on one.

keywords: thoughtful, fair, modest, vain


scorpio rising have very deep and intense emotions, but rarely open up about this to anyone. whilst they try to conceal and bury their confusing feelings, they appear as friendly and hard-working.

keywords: mysterious, obscure, stubborn, bitter


sagittarius rising are out-going, confident yet blunt and brutally honest. their bright personality often comes from their humour, they make even the hardest of situations into something positive with a joke.

keywords: joyful, kindhearted, extravagant, loud

2

Chris Markus: We always wanted to approach Sam through the prism of a being fellow veteran. Someone who could speak to Steve on that level as opposed to, you know, because he’s Captain America. And also we brought up the idea that Steve, in addition to everything else he’s gone through, spent four years in World War II. That’s very traumatic stuff. And he has never had a chance to decompress about any of it. 

Anthony Russo: One of my favorite lines from him is, where he says: “I’m more of a soldier than a spy.” I just loved that so much because it speaks to his relationship with Cap and their nature.

Joe Russo: You guys did a great job with this scene. This is probably the hardest scene in the movie because it leads to the biggest buy in the film, which is - well, maybe there’s a couple of other big buys - that Cap is gonna go back to a guy he met jogging on the Mall when his life is in danger because he’s the only guy he can trust. So it was important that these two connect on a very deep level, an emotional level in this scene.

Chris Markus: It’s always a credit to Mackie.

Steve McFeely: Yeah. I trust Mackie.

Chris Markus: You would go to Anthony Mackie. Some people you wouldn’t go to. 

Joe Russo: Let’s talk about Mackie for a second. It’s a reason we cast him is one, you know, I’ve never not seen a truthful moment from him on screen, and two, he has this incredible ability to combine charm and integrity. A difficult thing to do is to be funny and convey integrity at the same time.

Steve McFeely: He’s not shallow.

Joe Russo: He has great depth as an actor which allows Steve to feel the depth, the audience to feel the depth, which makes you believe that Steve would trust this guy even though their relationship is so new. 

- Captain America: The Winter Soldier Blu-ray Audio Commentary

the thing about being gay that’s nice is that literally just having the opportunity to live in a tiny apartment with my gf is so beyond my childhood dreams that my whole life is going to just so excessively surpass my expectations and im just so excited to be able to live as a lesbian in the world with my wife and eventually have kids and just knowing that’s in my future now gets me through the incredibly difficult days

New stickers packs!

I want to take this little moment to tell you something, I’m so happy to have so many people around me that it’s hard to explain this feeling. For a couple of weeks, I talk every day with people who follow me, with friends and clients that have become an incredible pillar in my life, I will not leave aside the haters who still talk to me, thanks to God, there’s only one who made me laugh today with my friends, thanks for that too <3, anyway, if someone has something to tell me, please do it, I like talk things and being understood for someone who thinks that them knows me ! I hope that people who are having a hard day, a difficult month, a difficult year … I hope everything is resolved soon, and if you have no solution, I hope you can see the good things you have around you.

The Snow Globe

by reddit user NP-CO

“Janie honey,” My mother said as we left the funeral. “That lawyer gave me a key.”

“A key?” I said.

“It seems that Aunt Tabitha left you something. Locked in a safe deposit box.”

“Really? I asked turning to my mother. “But wasn’t she poor?”

Keep reading

bpd isn’t just simple ups and downs
it’s not just depression or anxiety
it’s having total breakdowns for the most ridiculous reasons
feeling like your life is over for practically no reason
and crying over the smallest things
it’s having one of the highest suicide rates 
it’s complete self invalidation, neurosis bordering psychosis
feeling like you’re being torn in all kinds of directions
it’s your own mind making you believe no one cares
even when people keep telling you they do
it’s the illusion that you’re worthless and you don’t fit in
that perhaps you’ll never fit in no matter what
it’s so much more than what people think it is
it’s the fear of abandonment we struggle with
whenever we think we’re being ignored
it is horrible and makes you feel like you’re drowning
like you have fallen into a body of water and you can’t reach the surface
no matter how hard you try, it doesn’t matter
like you’re trapped in a tiny room without any opening
it makes you want to die, but also you don’t want to die
it’s everything but fun, it’s not something hip
people shouldn’t use it as a label to be special
it’s nothing but bad and those dealing with it have to be incredibly strong
simply to make it through the day, every single night
dealing with the same thing again and again
time and time again it’s the same old battle and it never changes
by saying you have bpd when you do not have it, just to stick out
you’re making the stigma so much worse, you’re making it worse for those
who actually struggle with this disorder every single day

as someone who deals with bpd myself
I am incredibly proud of those of us that don’t give up
it’s beyond difficult and I know
we all know a bpd life is very difficult
and at times seems worthless but it’s not
even a bpd life is worth living for
we too deserve happiness, and I believe we will find it
if only we don’t back down
you might think you’re worthless but you’re not
you’re a brave person, a beautiful soul

executive dysfunction is so difficult for me to explain to people who don’t experience it, because they’ll see in some cases, such as mine, where I can do incredibly complex things, but then the simplest task that has a lot of importance attached to it, like putting a letter in a mailbox seems insurmountable to me.

It doesn’t make any sense to people?

How can you do so many difficult tasks, but then when something is easy and important to your life why can’t you do it?

And I don’t fucking know the answer to that, alls I know is making food, or signing onto a website to schedule an appointment with my caseworker just seem out of my reach. I literally need help to do it, lmao it’s absolutely too much for me to do on my own.

I can definitely understand why people … don’t get it lmao, not even I get it

But just know … the more important it is … the more difficult it is for me to do it lmao. 

  • Me yesterday: Mirio's cape really would be an inconvenience to use with his quirk. He spent his whole life perfecting permeation even though it's incredibly difficult and dangerous to activate and then he went and gave himself a free-flowing object a few feet away from his physical body he now has to account for every time he wants to pass through anything. I mean Yeah it's cute he did the thing with Eri but is it worth dragging that thing along wi--
  • Me today: CAPES! 👏 CAPES! 👏 CAPES! 👏 CAPES! 👏 CAPES! 👏 CAPES! 👏 CAPES! 👏 CAPES! 👏

anyway can media and everyone else stop ignoring louis’ amazing achievements and success and the incredible things he’s done with the single despite terribly difficult time in his personal life, as well as all his words about picking next singles, mentions of him writing etc just because it’s a collab and because his team is incompetent and wants people to rather focus on fucking up his image im fucking tired 

9

Last weekend, I went on an adventure and explored Phoenix and Sedona.

As some of you may know, I’ve been going through a lot of issues, including issues with my health and work, which has made it tough to stay positive. For the past few months, I haven’t felt like myself, and it’s felt like everything is going wrong. However, this trip was so beautiful and really help change my outlook on things. I had the opportunity to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit in Phoenix and got to hike in Sedona. For some reason, this trip felt incredibly magical, and it was one of things I’ve ever experienced in my life. As silly as it sounds, it revived me.

On top of this amazing trip, I got to come home and start a new position at the company I’m working at. My first week in this new position has gone extremely well! I feel like I’m making a difference and doing more of what I actually like. I’ve actually been so happy at work that several people have commented on it. Although it was really difficult to move from my previous position to this new position, it was worth it.

I’d like to thank everyone who gave awesome suggestions for where to go on my trip and for everyone who has offered support and love during these tough times. Love you all ❤️

psa about “trigger jokes”

i know i made a post like this before but it was really just an anger-fueled rant and didn’t have a lot to back it up, so here goes

trigger jokes are not ok, do not make them and please don’t let other people think it’s ok to make them

i still have no idea why they’ve become this Thing that a large portion of people have latched onto. they sit on a similar level as autism jokes, depression jokes, anxiety jokes, physical disability jokes, etc – they’re all terribly invalidating to the people who actually live with any of these in their life. they’re not ok.

trigger jokes spit in the faces of anyone and everyone with ptsd and anyone that deals with trauma in general.

they’ve become so widely used that it’s become incredibly difficult for us to get taken as anything more than a joke, a punchline – sometimes even by therapists and other professionals, who are supposed to be Those People that we can always go to and be taken seriously by.

i know it’s easy to think it’s ok when there’s so many people that do it. don’t think i’m talking like i’m above y’all, i used to think it was ok too, even though i should’ve known it wasn’t.

but please, avoid making these jokes. if one of your friends makes one of these jokes, remind them not to. you never fully know just who you’re talking to, or what the whole of their experiences are.

MBTI as Makeup and Skin Care Products

ISTJ - Concealer: Incredibly reliable, always there to cover for your mistakes ( like eating that entire box of acne inducing donuts. Or watching Rick and Morty until 2am.)

INTJ - Mascara: Pitch black to the core, useless when tears are involved

ESTJ - On Fleek, Arched Eyebrows: Neat, organised, balanced and perfect, but very intimidating and makes you feel like failure in comparison.

INFP - Aegyo Sal ( Tear Bag makeup): Cute, childlike and innocent from far away; weird, creepy and almost inhuman on closer inspection.

Fun fact: Wengie ( the girl in the picture) happens to be an INFP herself!

ISFJ  - Moisturizer: Traditional and simple, soothing, great at helping you prepare for things yet to come, conforms to your personal needs (water based, oil based ect..) too much may cause acne ( from those cookies with a frightening amount of butter that ISFJ will not stop baking you no matter how much you beg of them.).

INFJ - Pore strips - Effortlessly digs deep into the darkness of your soul (or pores), and helps you rid yourself of said darkness.

ISTP - Lip Tint: Tolerant, low maintenance, would totally survive the apocalypse. 

INTP - Any kind of brush/applicator: Filled to the brim with possibilities, probably filthy and needs desperate cleaning but creativity coMES FIRST DAMMIT.

ISFP - Contouring: Always tries make things seem deeper than they actually are.

ESFP - Blush: Bright, cheerful, can make anyone lively, but if you use them too much, they can and will ruin your entire life/makeup with ease.

ESTP - Glitter Eye Shadow: Flashy, somewhat attention seeking, a tonne fun and great to have, but extremely obnoxious in large doses.

ENFP - Highlighter: Optimistic, emphasizes the positive side of things so much that you just forget all about those dark shadowy parts! ◉‿◉…

ENTP - Colourful mascara: You’ll only see them about every four years, but when you do see them they’re sure to be weird, noticeable and obnoxious every time.

ESFJ - Cupid’s Bow Lipstick: Bright, neat, old fashioned, incredibly easy to ruin/upset.

ENFJ - Waterproof mascara: Clingy, extremely difficult to remove from your eyelashes/life, strives to look presentable and please others no matter what is personally troubling them.

ENTJ - False Eyelashes: Ambitious, effective, impressive, if you look at them when they are failing ( AKA falling off their eyes and flapping majestically in the wind) they (the wearer) will likely slap you.

Note -This is totally based on stereotypes so please don’t be offended ( even though some of these are pretty savage(☉‿☉✿)) ! I’m really bad at these sorts of metaphors ( would you call these metaphors? Or analogies? I don’t know!), but I had a lot of fun writing this anyway!

All Too Much

Just some lovely Dad Harry fluff!

Let me know what you think, and if you have any requests for future oneshots, you can ask me HERE.

2035 words.


You were exhausted. You had literally never been this exhausted in your whole life. It had been exactly a month since you and Harry had brought your little girl home from the hospital, and since giving birth you were sure you’d only slept a couple of hours.

The first week had been the worst; trying to keep on top of cleaning and laundry while also breastfeeding and caring for a fussy baby had been incredibly difficult. You and Harry had done amazingly well all things considering, and once the first seven days rolled over, you found you’d managed to get into some sort of routine.

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Harry had been away since Saturday morning. A work trip had come up, and while Harry had initially refused, you had managed to convince him you would be okay by yourself for the two days. Reluctantly, he had agreed, and you’d felt so triumphant. This was your chance to prove to yourself that you really could handle this ‘mum’ thing.

Looking back now, you couldn’t believe you’d been so optimistic. Saturday had gone reasonably well until the sun went down. Things had quickly unraveled overnight. Your little one had refused to sleep, starting up with her incessant crying which ceased only when she was feeding. She would cluster feed; eating for a couple of minutes at a time over the period of a couple of hours, crying in between feeds. You had no idea what to do, and so you’d just suffered through it, soldiering on bravely, hoping things would change by morning.

While you had managed to get her down for a few fragmented hours of sleep, it wasn’t long before she was awake again, crying relentlessly. It was like she knew how panicked you were, and it unsettled her. The day had gone by painfully slowly, an endless haze of nappies, feeding, and tears from both you and her. Now, you were slumped against the side of her crib, shirtless, your breasts hanging forlornly from your nursing bra, your wriggling little one whimpering against your chest as you rocked her half-heartedly.

Warmth hit your hand and tears welled in your eyes. She’d pooed herself. Again. Minutes after you’d changed her. And what was even worse what that it seemed to have escaped her nappy and was threatening to move up her back, deeming yet another onesie dirty. You brought a shaky hand to your face, trying desperately to wipe away your fresh set of tears, willing yourself to stand so that you could change her once more.

“Love?”

Harry’s voice hit you, barely reaching your ears over the sound of your little one as she broke into fresh shrieks. You looked up at him, shaking your head, more tears spilling over your cheeks as your eyes met his. His brow furrowed, his eyes soft and sad as he looked at you.

“Oh… Sweetheart…” he murmured, moving to you. Gently, he took your screaming baby girl from you, nestling her against his chest. His hands and arms were big enough that he only needed one arm to support her, and his other arm slipped under your own, hooking around your waist.

“C’mon. Up yeh get.”

You used the last of your strength to help pull yourself up, your body heavy against him as you tried to stand. His lips found your temple, kissing you gently before meeting your eyes.

“Love, I need yeh ter go an’ have a shower f’me. M’kay? Can yeh do tha’?”

His voice was soft and familiar, and it made you instantly relax. You nodded numbly, pressing a blind kiss to his shoulder before stumbling towards the bathroom. You were like a zombie as you moved slowly around the bathroom, discarding the clothes you’d been wearing for much longer than you should’ve been and slipping under the hot water. You sighed as it hit your tense muscles, your eyes flickering shut as the warmth soothed you. You couldn’t remember the last shower you’d had completely by yourself, and it felt so good to be just in the presence of your own thoughts. You could barely keep yourself standing, and so you slid slowly down the slick tiles of the shower, leaning your head back against the shower wall.

##

“Love, what’s goin’ on in there? Are yeh- Oh.”

Harry’s sentences was cut short as his eyes found you, completely asleep, curled awkwardly in the corner of the shower. He sighed, biting his lip as he stripped off, stepping into the shower and crouching down in front of you. He cupped your cheeks and pressed a gentle, prolonged kiss to your damp forehead. Your eyes opened blearily, blinking heavily as Harry’s face came into focus.

“Oh… Oh shit! Oh, baby, I’m sorry… Did I fall asleep?”

Harry nodded, kissing your forehead again before resting his own against yours. You sighed, your hands finding his upper arms and rubbing back and forth over them a couple of times.

“M’sorry.”

Harry smiled softly, pecking your lips.

“Don’t be. Yer exhausted. C’mon, lemme ge’yeh clean,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around your waist. You nodded, your arms finding his shoulders as he helped you up, guiding you back under the still-hot stream of the shower.

“Turn fer me love,” he instructed, his voice soft as it filled your ears. You turned slowly, endlessly grateful that he was taking control. Harry was always so soft and sweet and gentle with you, and while you always felt lucky to have him, it meant even more to you in this particular moment than it usually did. You heard him shuffling behind you and then the click open of your shampoo bottle. It wasn’t long before his hands were in your hair, lathering it up with your shampoo, fingers pressing gently against your scalp. Your moaned softly, body moving slightly with Harry’s movements. His touch felt so good, and you loved being taken care of like this.

Harry carried on with washing your hair, rinsing out your shampoo and then conditioning, rinsing that out as well. He tugged the shower head from its hook and you shivered at the momentary lack of heat before it hit you again. You sighed happily as Harry guided the shower head over your body, making sure to get every bit of your exposed skin before hooking it back up. His arms wrapped around your waist, his lips finding the top of your shoulder and your neck.

“Need ter ge’ out little one,” he mumbled against your skin, waiting patiently for you to response. You pulled your eyes open reluctantly, nodding slowly. His hands moved to your hips, supporting you as you stepped out of the shower, your own fingers wrapping around his wrists as you moved gingerly. Harry turned the shower off as you stood there, a little dazed, shivering and swaying slightly on the bath mat. He wrapped one of your big, fluffy towels around you before quickly dragging one over his own hair and torso, tying it loosely around his waist before turning his attention back to you.

“C’mon. Bed time.”

His hand pressed a little against the small of your back as he gently guided you back into your shared bedroom, hands finding your shoulders as he set you down on the edge of the bed. Your limbs felt all loose and floppy from being in the warm shower for so long, and you were once again struggling to keep your eyes open. It was then that you realized you couldn’t hear crying.

“She’s stopped,” you croaked, eyes finding Harry’s.

“Yeah. She’s sleeping,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to your jaw as he moved your towel over your body, drying you off.

“How?” you asked, your expression bewildered. Harry chuckled softly at your genuine disbelief.

“Gave her a little bath… Sang her a little song… Think she was jus’ feeling a little anxious,” he murmured, tugging one of his own t-shirts over your head.

You hummed in response, nodding a little.

“Foot up.”

Your hands found Harry’s shoulders as he crouched in front of you, and you raised one foot and then the other, Harry guiding on a pair of pyjama pants, pulled them gently up your legs.

“Stand?”

You pulled yourself up slowly, hands still gripping Harry’s shoulders as he tugged the shorts up over your hips.

“Good girl.”

You grinned, blinking sleepily at him. His praise never failed to make your stomach flip a little. He smiled back at you, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips before helping you into bed. You sighed as you fell back against the pillows, nuzzling down against them as Harry pulled the duvet up over you, tucking you in.

“My little one. Sleepy girl.”

His lips found your forehead once more, his hand gently pushing back through your damp hair, stroking it softly.

“Close those eyes,” he whispered. You gladly obliged, your eyes finally falling closed after having been forced to stay open for so long. Sleep took you almost instantly, warm under the covers, Harry’s fingers never leaving your hair.

##

Plaintive little cries woke you from your slumber a mere hour after you’d fallen asleep, and you looked around blearily, quickly locating the source of the noise. Harry was cradling her close, bouncing a little, whispering to her as he moved around your bedroom.

“Hey you two,” you croaked, your voice still laced with sleep.

Harry’s eyes snapped to you immediately, forehead scrunching up as he realized you were awake.

“M’sorry love, think she’s hungry.”

“S’ok. Bring her here.”

Harry shuffled towards you, carefully transferring the whimpering little one into your arms. You smiled down at her, settling her in the crook of your arm, a finger stroking softly across her cheek.

“Hello baby… Oh… Hello little one. Hungry? Yeah?” you cooed, moving to pull up your t-shirt.

“Love… Shuffle forward a bit?”

You paused, looking up Harry a little confused, but you shuffled forward regardless. He climbed in carefully behind you, his legs slotting easily either side of you, settling back against the head board.

“Lemme help?”

His hand moved to cradle her head, and you followed his lead, lifting your t-shirt up above your breasts. You guided your nipple to her lips, Harry helping maneuver her head. Your mutual efforts paid off as she eagerly latched onto your nipple, immediately pulling milk into her mouth, a tiny hand flailing up and resting against your skin.

You dropped your head back against Harry’s shoulder, pressing your face in against his neck, your eyes closing again. You felt so safe and warm, knowing Harry had you, supporting you and your little girl while she so eagerly fed. This comfort had been what you’d been missing all weekend and it felt so good to have it back.

The next hour passed a bleary haze, your little one cluster feeding as you drifted in and out of sleep. Harry did most of the hard work, burping the baby between feeds, and then guiding her back onto your nipple. You relaxed completely against him, too tired to do anything else. There was no one else in the world that you would trust with this level of vulnerability.

Eventually, she was done feeding completely, and Harry held her against your chest, humming to her softly as she drifted asleep against you.

“She’s so beautiful,” you whispered, gazing down at her. Harry hummed in agreement, kissing the top of your shoulder a couple of times before carefully shuffling from behind you, moving in next to you.

“Wan’ me the take her? Y’can get some more sleep.”

You nodded, gently passing her back to Harry, careful not to wake her. Harry cradled her against his chest, shuffling down so he was lying on his back, his hand supporting her bottom as she slept peacefully against him. You moved in next to him, his arm opening, inviting you to snuggle in against.  Just as you were on the verge of sleep, Harry’s gentle voice filled your ears.

“Love my girls,” he whispered, kissing your head and then your little girls. And with that, you were out, warm and safe, snuggled up with your family.

Dorian Pavus Quotes Starters

  • “Did I stutter? Men, and the company thereof. As in sex. Surely you’ve heard of it.”
  • “Did everyone act like this when the sword was invented? ‘Oh, my blushing butt cheeks! Round up everyone who can use these pointy things and lock them away!’”
  • “I always smile. People like my smile, and they should! I have excellent teeth.”
  • “I knew you would break my heart, you bloody bastard.”
  • “I prefer the company of men. My father disapproves.”
  • “I wanted to see you make flowers bloom with your song, just once.”
  • “I’m here to set things right. Also? To look dashing. That part’s less difficult.”
  • “I’m too pretty to die!”
  • “Just once, we should enter a cave and see normal-sized spiders.”
  • “Look at this profile. Isn’t it incredible? I picture it in marble.”
  • “My arse should open up a shop! Apparently it’s quite prolific.”
  • “Pretty, in a haunting, ‘this archway might collapse on me at any moment’ way.”
  • “Selfish, I suppose, not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside.”
  • “Some of my best friends are murderers.”
  • “Stranger things have happened. It would take work. And soap. Lots and lots of soap.”
  • “What a lovely forest. Kind of makes you want to retch, yes?”
  • “While we’re sharing surprises, you’ve done a lot less dancing naked in the moonlight than expected.”
  • “You tried to change me.”
  • “You wanted the best for you! For your fucking legacy! Anything for that!”
  • “You’d be surprised at the credit my tongue gets me.”

October 18, 2017, was one of the single greatest days of my life. From the moment I heard Tim McGraw when I was nine or ten years old, I have been lucky enough to have you, Taylor, in my life. It is impossible for me to put into words how incredible the eleven or so years with your songs, encouragement, shows, hard work, dedication, and genuine care towards us all, have been. I cannot thank you enough for making even the most difficult days in my life bearable. In times where I thought things were over, I turned to you.

Whether it was doubting myself as a writer, questioning if my quirks that isolated me from others made me less than, realizing that I am queer woman, or being at the height of my anxiety and depression… I knew you were someone who genuinely cared. You show me every single time I come to a show, listen to music, watch you speak, read your writings, and more… in every way, you inspire me to embrace who I am and my passions. I am no longer afraid to fail. I love who I am. I love the friend you have been to me–knowingly and not–for over half my lifetime.

Wednesday night, with about one hundred other people, I was able to feel the love you, your friends, family, and team all radiate as up close and personal as I ever have. I am grateful for the chance to thank you for the love and inspiration you shine into my life. Thank you for opening up your heart and home to us all. And to your family, thank you for treating us all like one of the Swifts. Your team made us all feel safe and cared for. I cannot wait to see as many of you all as possible during the reputation tour. 

I am forever grateful for our inside jokes, hugs, I love yous, and gleeful leg kicks. Also, I’m sorry if I almost kicked you in the face–I get excited. I’ll be seeing you… on tumblr and tour. With each magazine article I get published, new poem I write, and captivating story I tell… I will be thinking of and thanking you for being a strong woman I can call a friend. You are kind, smart, funny, and genuine. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I love you, forever. Xx Lindsay

little bpd things

- having the random impulse to drop your phone in your coffee/water/tea
- impulsively scheduling a tattoo appointment and then not going
- dying your hair a new color every week
- copying your Favorite Person in an attempt to find an identity
- suddenly wanting exactly what your Favorite Person wants
- taking classes and then impulsively dropping them and taking different ones
- “I wanna be a philosophy major! no, a criminal justice major! no, a computer science major! no, a theater major! no, a–”
- liking a thing and then basing your whole life around it
- liking a person and then basing your whole life around them
- never having the energy to make your bed or clean your room because everything just feels too difficult
- suddenly being so happy you’re just on top of the world and then the next second you’re so sad you could die
- deciding you now hate your favorite band because your Favorite Person doesn’t like them
- having twelve different wardrobes and none of them are close to finished because your dress style changes every day
- oversharing
- impulsively buying things you don’t have the money for
- getting incredibly angry and upset over spilling sugar
- hating yourself for small flubs
- “today I like vegetables even though yesterday they were the grossest thing ever”
- never really being sure what your sexual/romantic orientation is
- moving in and out of interests in the blink of an eye
- starting a project and never finishing it
- unfinished schoolwork. so much unfinished schoolwork.

Cuddles and Poison

A R76 drabble.


Gabriel Reyes had done a lot of incredible, impossible and border-lining outrageous things in his life. Under the new Reaper alias even more so, leaning towards the latter part. They didn’t need to check his resume to know what he could do. Damn, Gabriel was pretty sure his real name was stamped in some kind of history lecture, whilst his new name would be in every underworld boss’ to-call mercenary list. The point was, Gabriel Reyes possessed an unbelievable set of skills, and the people that knew of him believed that there was no task too difficult for him to undergo.

And he would let them know that they were right. Mostly.

As both Gabriel Reyes and the fearsome, notorious Reaper, he would let them know that there was a task impossible, even for him.

Sleeping with Jack Morrison.

Not in the sexual sense. Everyone knew they had done that enough. It’s the thing that came after all the actions, and sometimes none of the actions, much to Gabriel’s annoyance. 

Jack Morrison slept like a plank, arms and legs straight, and would have looked like he was waiting to be transferred into a coffin if he was breathing any quieter. Jack slept that way in his own bunker or when he was stuffed alongside others in particularly crowded barracks.

Except for when Gabriel Reyes was around.

Jack Morrison would die (again) before he admitted that he was a fucking massive cuddler. And most people would believe him, for good reasons. No one could possibly imagine Jack winding arms and legs around a person, aptly named Gabriel Reyes, squeezing the life or out of him with slabs of muscles and, unfortunately more often than Gabriel would like, foul morning breath. They would be falling asleep on separate sides of the bed and, just within five minutes as the snoring started, Gabriel would feel the lumpy mattress shift, unintelligible grumbling, blind poking and grasping, before finding himself an armful of Jack Morrison.

Over the years, Gabriel had found not reacting to the idiot’s sleepy groping just made it worse, and the stiller Gabriel got, the more invading Jack became. Jack would drape all over Gabriel like a broken tortilla, grip tightening with every uncomfortable twitch the latter made. And if Gabriel unfortunately (and stupidly so with all his experiences) drank too much the night before, he would just have to hope that his bladder wouldn’t explode, or contemplate if punching Jack awake was a good idea.

After the shit show in Switzerland (surprisingly called so by Angela of all people), Gabriel didn’t give much thought to the minor but annoying habit. Not counting the mess that was their “reunion” and the time needed to work out their differences, there was simply too much pain and bitterness involved to consider anything remotely friendly, much less intimacy. They were both boar-headed and too prideful for their own good, and if they both took one step back, things would have edged along much faster. It was something Gabriel had no issue telling himself, but definitely not aloud. The most frustrating part about it would be knowing Jack was thinking much along the same line.

“This is ridiculous.” He heard Ana’s hushed mumbles to Winston one day, “They are too stubborn to be happy.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Wouldn’t be the first time they didn’t keep their fat noses out of his business either.

They had never been good with feelings. Neither were they good with talking. Gabriel didn’t believe there was much either could mend. Their first attempt to try and be civil had been two masks staring at each other over a chipped table at McCree’s favourite bar, each with a sweaty beer and Gabriel’s impatient talon-tapping filling the dreadful silence.

“…Sup.”

Ana was right. They were both ridiculous. So much had changed. Both were but ghosts of what they had once been (pun intended).

They were stupid. Oh, so stupid.

Physical attraction had long lost its edge, seeing one was a chopped, decaying image of something that was once golden, and the other literally decaying at every step. It wasn’t damned nostalgia or loneliness that brought them back together. And Gabriel hated himself a little, knowing that for every piece of him that was broken, for every ounce of hatred and rage, he could never deny Jack.

What they had was nothing of rainbows and sunshine. It was not the kind of love that was sweet and beautiful like aged wine. It was bitter and cold, it burnt a trail all the way down to his stomach and watered his eyes like particularly strong vodka. It seemed so clear, yet so blurry and disorientating once he had a taste of it. It was poison, but it was also warm, a warmth that, after so many years, made him feel alive again.

So why the cuddles?

Because, after their first night together, dizzying and sorely reminded them of how old they were, Gabriel Reyes found something familiar. Arms and legs wounded tightly around his body, a nose pressed so tightly against his jawline it was mushed, and loud, muffled snore that sent pinpricks all across the Reaper’s dying body.

Some things never change. And they didn’t need to say it, had never needed to.

Oceans - Stuart Twombly

inspired by the song Oceans by Seafret
word count: 4614

The scene was picture perfect.  Bright smiles, twinkling eyes, the fairy lights hung around the outside of the cafe illuminating the dark night.  Every time I looked at the picture, I could feel my heart beating in my chest.  My friends, all sitting around this horrible metal table.  Arms loosely wrapped around each other, cheeks pressed together, peace signs, a typical picture of a bunch of goony young adults.

The rose gold frame sat on my desk, catching my eye every time I typed away on my laptop, or watched Netflix, or worked on a new project Google handed to me.  I’d look at it for a few moments, it was never just a glance.  It probably took a good chunk of my day actually.  I’d stare at it, eyes flickering to every little detail.  The whiteness of Neha’s teeth, Lyle’s glasses slipping slightly down the bridge of his nose, one of Billy’s eyes was half closed, my hair was messy, spilling over my shoulders from under Stuart’s beanie.  My gaze would linger there, and if I was feeling peculiarly nostalgic or depressed, I’d gently caress the glass protecting the photo with my fingers, then go back to my work like nothing had happened.  Oh the vicious cycle of depression.

Today was the day where I got up early, ready for whatever my job would bring me.  Some days were harder than others, but never usually too difficult.  Though every night I walked back into my apartment with heavy feet.  But that had nothing to do with the difficulty of work.  No that was just plain anxiety and stress.

See, it used to be incredible.  Working on the greatest team of delinquents, that had quickly become my closest friends.  Winning the intern competition last year was probably one of the greatest moments in my life, that I’d remember forever.  Us dorks felt like we were on top of the world.  We’d even gone out for celebratory pizza afterwards.  That’s when things started happening.  That’s when I grew closer to Stuart Twombly.


The irritating and sarcastic boy that couldn’t handle being away from his phone, had seemed to transform into a completely new person in a matter of forty five minutes.  I hadn’t spoken much with him, in fact we’d never even been alone together or held a solid conversation without the rest of the team being there.  So when he’d sat in the same booth with me, I was slightly confused.  Neha had quickly slid in across from me, which I silently thanked her for, seeing she was the closest person I had on the team.  Lyle was on the other side of Stuart, fitting three of us into one booth (which left absolutely no space between our legs) and Billy and Nick and Yo-Yo were squashed in with Neha.

The night was fun though, we’d ordered many pizzas, and stayed until closing.  We joked around, made fun of Gharam, and his relentless act towards asking me out. 

“I mean, how many times did he try?” Nick snickered.  I blushed and looked down at my lap. 

“Seriously, the creep should’ve left you alone after the sixtieth decline” Lyle said, an awkward laugh following.  “How about a date with a real man?” My eyes widened slightly as I tried to see of he was being serious or not.  I couldn’t really tell.

“Come on man, Gharam just started leaving her alone give her the space to breathe” Stuart spoke before I could say anything at all.  I looked up at him for a moment, just as everyone began laughing again.  But he somewhat ignored my glance, pretending to be interested in whatever Billy was saying.  When I realized he wasn’t going to look back at me, I turned away and picked at my meal.

We’d stayed for another few hours that night, until a waitress came over and told us that she couldn’t let us stay any longer.

Her eyes were bored, dull as she looked over our table.  I’d figured we’d annoyed her.  We weren’t exactly a quiet group.  But they landed on Stuart, to which she’d grinned mischievously, and her blue eyes lit up with what I could only describe as desire.  Though the look didn’t bother me, it did confuse me greatly.

“Alright, we’ll be on our way” Nick had said, and everyone began sliding out of the booths.  Stuart stood, and our waitress opened her mouth to speak, but he turned away from her, smiling softly towards me as I scooted out of the seat.  Stuart held his hand down to me, and it landed on the small of my back as I stood.  It stayed there as I walked with him to the front door of the restaurant.

Again, confusing me greatly.

But as soon as we were out of the view I looked wildly up to him, my eyes wide and brows furrowed with confusion and question.  But he shook his head, just barely, but enough for me to close my mouth before any questions could be asked.  The others had caught up to where we were waiting and we all left.

We walked up to the Golden Gate Bridge, as we’d done a few times before to go relax.  I’d been there countless times, (I lived in San Francisco) but every time I went it was still just as breathtaking.  The group of us laid down in the grass, enjoying the view of the night sky.

“Does anyone know any constellations?” Yo-Yo asked, a few feet away from me. 

“Yeah I do” I said, already searching the sky for familiar ones.  “There’s Orion” I said, pointing up to where I recognized his belt.  “That’s Delphinus, Taurus, Pavo” I looked for more, licking my lips as I tried to remember them all.  “I think.. Yeah thats Scorpius, and that’s-”

“How do you remember these all?” Stuart asked from right next to me.  I turned my head, meeting his whiskey brown eyes.  I blinked for a moment, then chewed on my lip.

“I uh… I minored in astrology for two years” I murmured.  I didn’t mean to be quiet, my voice just sorta failed me.  Stuart smiled at me, eyes flickering between mine and making my breathing shallow before he looked back up at the stars.  I continued to stare at him for a moment, how freckles scattered over his jaw, and long strands of chocolate brown hair poked out from under his beanie, slightly over his ear.  When I felt I’d stared for too long, I blushed and quickly looked away.

I think I was growing very fond of this Twombly boy.

When it became so late, the sun began to poke up, I was nudged.  Apparently that night I’d fallen asleep in the grass.  

My eyes fluttered open to see Stuart and Neha hovering over me.  I waved them off and closed my eyes again, turning on my side.

“Come on y/n” Stuart sighed, and a few seconds later I felt strong arms pull me up.  I yelped, jolting and opening my eyes quickly, only to hear his chuckle.  “You’re fine, just go to sleep” Again, I’d found myself confusedly staring at him.  But he didn’t see.  He was talking quietly with Billy and Nick.  This time I fell back asleep. 

When I woke up again, I was being shook gently.  I yawned, eyes landing on Stuart.

“Wha-where am I-”

“Calm own would you? Don’t you trust me?” I thought for a moment, opening and closing my lips.  That was when I registered I was sitting in a taxi cab, and my head had been laying on his shoulder, cushioned by his beanie.  Which still sat there.

“S-sorry did I fall asleep o-on you?” He chuckled and shrugged.

“Your fine.  This is your complex right?” He asked, pointing up at the building lot we just pulled into.  I nodded.  “Good, that’s what Neha told me” He said.  I straightened up, cracking my back as the driver parked.  Stuart opened the door, stepping out and holding his hand out to me.  My eyes locked on his for a long moment, before slipping my palm into his and letting him help me out of the car.

In fact, he’d walked me inside, and into the elevator to the third floor, down the hall to my room as I’d directed.  I stuffed my hand into my pocket, grabbing my key and unlocking the door.  When I stepped inside, I realized our hands were still conjoined.

“Would you like a drink?” I asked, not wanting to let go for an unknown reason.

“U-uhm sure” Stuart nodded, and I gestured my head for him to come inside.  I released his hand, kicking off my shoes and padding my bare feet into the kitchen, and searching in the fridge for a beer.  “I-I’ve never been here before” Stuart spoke, looking around.  It was a pretty open apartment, the kitchen and living room practically conjoined.  Only two doors, one leading to the bathroom, and one to my bedroom.

“No one has, really” I said, plopping two glasses onto the countertop, then searching for a bottle opener.

“Seriously?” Stuart walked over to me, standing on the other side of the counter.  I nodded, going through drawers until I finally found it.  I easily popped off the caps of the two glasses, and slid one over to him.  He took it happily and I picked up mine. 

“No, I don’t have company over for anything” I said with a shrug, heading to the living room.

“Not even Neha?” 

“Not a single person” I said, plopping onto the couch.  Stuart sat next to me, turning sideways to face me.  “To you Stuart Twombly” I said, raising my glass.  “For being my first guest” He rose his glass, to clink with mine.

We must’ve sat there for an hour, drinking until I was out of beer, and glasses of empty alcohol bottles were all over my coffee table.  Not necessarily to get drunk, but we were having too good of a time.  It was as though if we’d stopped, then the night would be over.  We were enjoying ourselves so much, talking and laughing about little things.  To think, the day before, that the only thing  could tell you about Stuart Twombly, was his name, and he had an obsession with beanies and his phone. 

“Okay okay okay…” I giggled and slurred drunkenly.  “I’ll pick… truth” I said with a big smile.  He was pensive for a moment, then grinned when he came up with an idea.

“Why’d you move here when you were so young?” 

“I wasn’t that young.  I was nineteen” I started, taking a swig of my beer.  “My hometown sucked.  I was bad at making friends so I didn’t have any, my parents… I didn’t have daddy and mommy issues by any means… but I needed a change” He nodded, content with my answer and took a drink.  “Now, truth or dare?” 

“Dare” He replied and I clapped my hands. 

“I dare you to do a handstand!” I squealed, and he eagerly jumped off of the couch, then awkwardly laid his upper back and neck on the floor, propping his legs up, then laying his hands flat on the ground.  He was able to hold himself up for a few seconds, but toppled over in a fit of laughter right afterwards. 

“I almost did it” He slurred, still chuckling as he sat back up on the sofa across from me.  We clinked glasses. 

“Oh so close” I said with a giggle before drinking.

“Alright y/n, truth or dare?” Stuart asked, and I thought while he took a long drink. 

“Okay… I’ll do a dare” I gave in, to his surprise.  I had been dodging that choice the past fifteen minutes we’ve been playing.  “Give me a good one though, not some lame ass prank call, you can do better than-” 

“I dare you to kiss me” He said, in the softest voice I’d heard all night.  My rambling was cut short, and I felt for a moment like I’d completely sobered up.  I was staring straight into his honey eyes.  I licked my lips hesitantly, then slid forward on the couch.  I set my beer on the table, as did he.  The entire environment of the room changed, and I realized my eyes had lingered on his lips for too long.  I sure had a problem with staring at this boy.  I looked up into his eyes for a moment, before closing mine and leaning in.

Our lips touched in a gentle kiss, my hands sliding up to frame around his face, pulling him ever so slightly closer.  Stuart’s arms wrapped around my waist, tugging me further against him on the couch, until our chests were pressed together.  I sucked in deep through my nose before we parted.  His eyes stared into mine, and neither of us moved.  Just our chests as we breathed deeply. 

“Th-that was my first kiss” I told him softly between quiet pants.  His brows knit together, confused. 

“What? H-how?” I blinked a few times, unsure of how to answer.  Maybe because I’d never had a boyfriend? But I wasn’t about to admit that now.  Stuart released my waist, a hand raising to tangle his fingers slightly into a strand of my hair. “Can you promise me something, y/n?” He asked in a murmur.  I nodded as he intricately placed the hair behind my ear.  “Promise me you won’t forget how beautiful you are” He said quietly.  I nodded my head after a moment.

“I promise” I answered, cheeks pink in a blush.  Stuart smiled a small but genuine smile, and pulled away from me.

We sat back on our respective sides of the couch, and continued our game. 

I thought for a moment as I remembered that night.  We were so carefree, and maybe it was the alcohol, but maybe it was just how we were in general.  Maybe we were just two young adults, enjoying our Friday night, getting to know each other.  Or maybe it was what I had thought.  Maybe we were falling in love.

Two weeks later, and Stuart and I were still complaining about our killer hangovers from our long night of drinking and talking.  I’d woken up the next morning on the couch, my head in his lap, cradling an arm that didn’t belong to me.  He was sat upright, his head hanging off the top of the couch and groaning about a headache.  I’d remembered the events from the night before, and somehow managed to get up to retrieve aspirin. 

Stuart and I became close friends.  Very close in fact.  The kind people constantly think are dating, not that I minded.  I wasn’t sure if he did.  I wasn’t even sure if he remembered what had all taken place that night, but I didn’t push the subject.  We became the kind of friends who walk around holding hands, or hug, share food and drink, kiss on the cheek here and there- hell even I would think we were dating.  (i wish).

We were sitting in my apartment, the night after our photo was taken at the cafe, his infamous beanie resting on my head.  In fact, I was wearing it as of this moment.  The both of us were sat on the sofa, watching tv.  He was scrolling through his phone while I laid across his lap, my head on the armrest of the couch. 

“Hey Stew” I said softly, not sure if I really wanted to ask the question I’d been hung up on for the past days.

“Mhm?” He dropped a hand to my arm to show he was paying attention, seeing that his eyes were glued to his phone. 

“Do you remember the night you came over?” 

“Mhm, worst hangover of my life” He snorted, glancing to me for a short moment.  “Why? Wanna get drunk?”

“No, no Stew it’s important” I said as seriously as I could, but my voice was still quiet.  His brows furrowed as he turned off his phone and looked at me. 

“Alright” He said, meeting my eyes.  “What’s going on in that messy head of yours?”

“Do you remember anything besides the hangover?” I asked, finding it difficult to hold his gaze.  “At all?” I asked when he didn’t answer. 

“Hold on I’m trying to think… I drank a lot that night” His eyes were squinted, and my heart managed to sink and beat faster at the same time.  “I… we played truth or dare…” He started slowly and I nodded eagerly. 

“Yeah yeah we did”

“And.. and I did a handstand?” I chuckled quietly and nodded again.  “And… and you told me ab-”

“You asked me to kiss you” Stuart’s brows raised.

“Well that would’ve been something to remember” Normally I would have laughed. 

“But-but you don’t?” Stuart shook his head.

“No… why was I bad?” He chuckled awkwardly to himself.  I pushed myself up, and crawled off of his lap.  “Why- are you alright?” I nodded, even though I wasn’t.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I’d made things awkward for you that night” I just shook my head repeatedly, staring down at my lap, where my hands were wringing together.  “Hey is there.. Is there something else going on?” Stuart asked, turning to face me but I shook my head again.  “y/n/n don’t lie” He put one of his hands on mine.  “y/n” He said more sternly.  I hesitantly turned my head meeting his eyes and I felt my foot tap quickly on the ground.

“Sorry, sorry no I don’t know what- I don’t know what got into me” He frowned, but eventually got up and stretched a little.

“I’m gonna get a drink” He said, walking over to the kitchen.  I watched as he opened the fridge, and surprised me by pulling out a pop can. 

“No beer?” He shook his head.

That was the last time Stuart and I talked to each other.  Three months passed, and he hasn’t bothered to talk to me whatsoever.  I can’t really tell why, I don’t remember having done anything that would’ve driven him away.  The rest of that night I hadn’t mentioned the kiss, and it’s not like I admitted to him that I was in love with him.  At first, it just really pissed me off, but now I just keep more to myself than before, and tried to ignore him at all costs. 

No, that does not mean I’m happy.  In fact, I’m beyond miserable.  I don’t remember the last time I’d spoken to any of them, I’d hardly spoken at work at all.  Just on the phone when a customer or my boss called.  I’m not sure when Neha and I’s friendship ceased, somewhere along the line we just stopped talking.  Sometimes she sits at my small table in the cafe for lunch, but we still don’t converse.  Just sit there silently.

I walked in this morning, not anywhere near as dressed up as I used to get for work.  I was in jeans, old and worn biker boots, and a tee shirt.  My hair was in a ratty and messy bun, I don’t think I brushed my hair at all this morning.  In fact, I don’t even remember walking to the building (I lived just two blocks away) but I can’t tell you remembering the scenery or people I passed.  I groaned, rubbing my eyes as I sat down at my desk.  My elbows propped up onto the desk as I dragged the skin around the edges of my eyes, hoping to rub the sleep out of them.  It wasn’t working.  A small groan left my lips as I turned on my computer and began to sign in. 

“Good morning y/n” I jumped slightly, dropping my computer mouse onto the floor by my foot.  “Oh I’m sorr-” 

“It’s okay Lyle” I mumbled.  “What did you want?” He seemed to swallow thickly, and readjusted the glasses on his nose.  It made me think of the way Stuart used to always crinkle his nose before pushing his glasses up higher on the bridge of his nose.

“Well uh, I’ve actually noticed your lack of interaction with the rest of the team, are you alr-” 

“I’m fine, is here something important?” I snapped a little, but didn’t raise my voice.  I didn’t want the others to notice my ‘coming out of the shell I’d been hiding in’ moment. 

“Actually yes… someone from Communications is here to speak to you about your performance” I nodded my head.

“Well where are they?”

“At the door actually” I turned, and just as I did, Gharam walks over and stands himself next to Lyle, in front of me.  I stared with wide eyes up at him, having heard many stories from Neha and Stuart about Gharam and his… foolish charms.  “You look surprised darling” He spoke in an English accent, but something was off about it.

“I am, I wasn’t informed of any meeting, until here you are now” I straightened up, seeing that he was trying to intimidate me by leaning over, eyes downcast towards me.  I pulled a slight smirk on, just small enough to be noticeable but not questionable.  He only reciprocated it.

“Well love, I have an important question for you” You nodded, prompting him to continue.  “Attention! Low life Google team!” Gharam held his hands out, earning the attention of Neha, Billy, Nick, Yo Yo, and Stuart, who watched me intently.  But I looked back to Gharam.

“What’s this all abou-”

“Your very own lovely y/n here,has been given the opportunity of a promotion!” Besides Graham’s clapping, the room was silent.  I continued to stare at the englishman.  “What? No applause for this stunning creature?” I wanted to be flattered by his strange way of flirting, but instead I felt like regurgitating.  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Stuart walking out of the room, shaking his head.  It would’ve broken my heart, if it wasn’t already shattered

“Why do I get a promotion?” I asked quietly, and Gharam grinned widely down towards me.

“Because you, my dear, would be a lovely head of the Communications department” My eyes widened like a cartoon, and my voice caught in my throat.  How? My work has been average.

“I-I think you’re at the wrong-”

“Oh don’t be so modest, we can discuss the paperwork over dinner” Gharam smirked and winked, and I took a step away from him, huffing angrily.

“But I like working here!” I stated loudly, and angrily.  My hands were in fists by my sides.  “I like my group, I like my job I like my payroll, I don’t want a promotion” The man laughed loudly, holding his hands over his stomach like it was the most comical thing he’d ever heard anyone say.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous darling” He said, reaching a finger to swipe his thumb over my cheek.  I smacked his hand away with a slap that seemed to silence the room even more.  I didn’t notice that this was when Stuart came back into the room, I was too focused on the man in front of me.

“I’m not taking a job just so you can go out with me” I snapped at him, and moved to walk back towards my work space, but he followed me quickly.

“Problem? Gharam?” I spun back on my heel in shock of the voice I hadn’t heard in what felt like years.  Stuart Twombly was standing in front of me, his back towards me and Gharam trying to tower over him.  In seconds I watched as Gharam backed away, shaking his head and standing silently frozen.  “Come on y/n” Before I could say anything, Stuart took my hand pulled me with him out the door of our large office flat.  I walked quietly beside him, my hand still stuck in his as he led me through the hallways.  I looked over at him, but he kept his focus on his walking.  Dead ahead.  He was on a mission it seemed.

“Stuart?” I spoke, my voice practically a mumble as we neared the exit of the building. 

“Where have you been?” He asked as he pushed open the doors, with me still following right next to him.  It was the first time his hand released mine.

“I haven’t been anywhere” I muttered, my eyes narrowing slightly at his apparent anger.  “What, you’re mad at me because I haven’t been around?” He ducked his head down, instantly realizing his mistake.  “Wow.  Wow Stuart” I laughed bitterly, a passive aggressive grin on my face as I looked up.  My palm pressed to my forehead as I calmed down my laughter.  “If you don’t mind, I have work to get to” I said, turning to go back inside. 

“N-no don’t leave” He quickly ran in front of me, hands out and a pleading expression on his face.  “Please don’t just go” 

“And why the hell not?”

“Because I miss you y/n!” He yelled exasperatedly, and my mouth hung open in shock.  “I really fucking miss you” His voice softened, and I blinked, licking my lips before closing my mouth. 

“I missed you too” I said weakly. 

“And I do remember that night, I remember it vividly, every goddamn second of it” I couldn’t bring myself to tear my eyes off of him. 

“Y-you did? Then why did you-”

“Cause I didn’t want to say the wrong thing… guess I did anyways” I frowned slightly, stepping a little closer to him. 

“What did you think that you were going to say that would make me upset?”

“Upset’s not really the word… more like.. More like distant.  I thought you’d be distant and I didn’t want to lose you or anyth-”

“What were you going to say?” I cut off his ramblings, stepping closer again, if I took one more step, then our noses would ‘bump together. 

“I was going to tell you that..” He trailed off for a moment, looking down at his feet.  “That um.. That I…” My eyebrows raised in anticipation.  “y/n I really like you, I don’t know how you did it but you got me to fall for you in a matter of one night and I swear it wasn’t cause we were both drunk off our ass it was because you’re the first person I’ve ever met that’s… that’s real you felt real to me and I- I wanted to tell you that and I almost did but I didn’t want to mess things up-”

“You would’ve messed everything up” I told him. 

“I know” He said quietly.

“Absolutely everything, you would’ve ruined everything” I heard him sniffle, and he still stared down at his feet.  I chuckled quietly, and curled my fingers under his jaw, bringing his face up to look at me, even though he was practically above me.  “But it would’ve been in the best way possible” I told him solemnly.  I watched his eyes light up, and I smiled softly.  Next thing I knew he leaned down, and gently pressed his lips against mine.

“I’m sorry” He mumbled between sweet kisses.  “I shouldn’t have lied around it I should’ve just told you” I opened my eyes as his arms wrapped around my back, tugging me against him in a tight hug.  I smiled, arms winding around his neck and holding myself there against him.

“Try not to ‘forget’ that kiss, okay?” Stuart chuckled against me.

“I’m not sure how I could”


guys i can’t tell you how happy i am to post again :)
xoxo ~ joride

anonymous asked:

What do you think of InuYasha wanting to follow Kikyo in death?

I think it’s pretty simple: survivor’s guilt. Dude’s got a really bad case of it. 

I touched on this in my Inu/Kag/Kik post as well, so I’ll just briefly summarize it here. Inuyasha feels he owes Kikyou, and when you consider the situation from his perspective, you can understand why he feels that way. Kikyou died as a direct result of her relationship with Inuyasha. Now let’s be clear: Naraku is the only person at fault for her death. He murdered her, plain and simple. But Inuyasha feels culpable for two reasons: 1) Kikyou’s relationship with him opened her up to Naraku’s attack in the first place, and 2) Kikyou died believing she was following him into death. He feels responsible, and more than that, he wants to pay her back. She paid a much steeper price for Naraku’s deception than he did (arguably), so he wants to settle the debt. In other words, he wants to do right by Kikyou. He wants to honor her sacrifice. She gave up her life on his account, so the only right thing (from his perspective) is to give up his life for her. It’s the old “eye for an eye” idea at work. 

And I mean, just look:  

When he talks about following Kikyou into death, he exclusively talks about it in terms of debt: of what is owed and what must be paid. That’s the talk of someone feeling immense guilt. 

And what do I think of that? I think it’s incredibly sad. It makes my heart hurt for the dog-boy. I think Inuyasha was in a really difficult position: coming to love Kagome and yet unwilling to forsake Kikyou a second time. He did the best he could in an incredibly tough spot. 

And boy, I’m glad Kagome was there with him and for him through all that. I don’t even want to imagine where he would’ve ended up without her.