life feels a ok right now

Undertale Au Motivation


Starting off with a big one all the main Sans I Voice all in audio here to life your spirits up!

Featuring! (in Order of Appearance)

Ink Sans by @comyet

Blueberry by  Popcornpr1nce

Fell Sans (Au Comunity)

Gaster Sans by @borurou 

Reaper Sans by @renrink

Cross Sans by @jakei95

Error Sans by @loverofpiggies


Sans by Toby Fox

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What I want to say:
- you’re fucking gorgeous ya know
- i could kiss you right now
- holy shit you’re a genius
- where have you been all my life
- let’s go to the movies
- what do your hands feel like
- tell me your story
- i love it when you do that
- you’re more cute than normal today
- wow you’re incredible
- i think im in love with you.

What I actually say:
- hi
- ok
- uhhhh
- thank you
- bye

if you’re stressed about your grades/future: “you are young and you will take your damn time.”

A few days ago I had an emotional breakdown about my future (surprise lol.) It’s not as though this doesn’t happen daily, but it’s dawned on me that I couldn’t even discern my true desires from what my lack of self confidence was trying to feed me.

I allowed self-deprecation to get the best of me, and it turned an erroneous decision into one that seemed the most “right for my situation.” I had a plan. But I was not confident nor happy with that plan, so I fell apart. 

Parked in front of my dad’s house, I voiced the concern that–although I thought was a result of flakiness–actually stemmed from an acute source of insecurity. 

My dad then turned around and told me something that I’m positive will stay with me forever. 

“Don’t you dare feel like you have limited options based on your past mistakes. You are not limited and you will never BE limited. Don’t rule any opportunity out right now. You’re not running out of options, you just haven’t found all of them yet. You have so much power left.

I asked him what power a teen/young adult could have, and he looked at me with so much conviction and said, “Youth. You have youth, and youth itself holds so much power. You’re only 17. I wish I were 17. I wish I had that much more left in me, but I don’t. You are 17, you are young, and you will take your damn time.” 

I initially interpreted this as a projection of his own regret. But now, I interpret it as empowerment. I think about it whenever I feel completely overwhelmed by all that I have left to do. Why should I consider quitting now? I’m only 17. Many of you are also of high school, college, or graduate school age, and we have such a long way to go. We’re only so young, and compared to our parents–people who have so many decades of experience under their belt–we don’t know the half of what life has to offer us. And that’s ok, because we have so much left to experience. 

In college, I want to explore different courses. I want to find something that’s right for me, but in order to do so, I need breadth of experience rooted in thoughtful discussion and exposure to a range of things. Although I love art, I want to obtain a liberal arts education as well. And finally having said this, I realized that whatever I thought was “right” was only only a thinly veiled attempt to evade my insecurities.

Records don’t matter. Grades are trifling in the grand scheme of things. My future job is only a portion of what will comprise the best days of my life. Bad teachers, vague assignments, tough environments–I can trudge through the difficulties and I will prosper, because that’s what I can do as someone with youth on my side. This isn’t to say that someone who is older doesn’t have the same privilege. My dad wants to continue to program, and all the more power to him!

But that only exemplifies how much time we have as people who are so young. We have a leg up, and I’m certain that we need to utilize the extra time, stamina, opportunity, and youth that we have to make decisions based on our own situations–not on what other people expect of us, and certainly not according to what our stress and anxiety wants us to believe. 

(The last bit is incredibly difficult, I know. But it’s a process!) 

This isn’t to say that I’m not going to worry and stress. I will! Hell, I’m stressed right now just writing this. But I’m improving. 

Ironically, this studyblr doesn’t thrive in standardized education. This studyblr struggles not with content, but with structure. This studyblr is really nervous about the coming year. But even then, I still have so many choices that it’d be insulting of me to become my only limitation. Obstacles are not impenetrable–not when I have so much power on my side. 

I Meant It

Drabble Prompt: “The sticky stuff you’re referring to is blood.”  

Pairing: Jared x Reader

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Jared grumbles under his breath, panic quickly setting in.

“Y/N?! Are you ok?”

You’re barely able to open your eyes, you hear your boyfriend’s voice but can’t find the words to respond. This is what you get for trying to spice up your fucking sex life.

“I’m all sticky.” You whine reaching behind your head, feeling a weird gooey substance.

“The sticky stuff you’re referring to is blood.” Jared responds softly trying not to alarm you.

“That’s ok.“ You mutter with your eyes fluttering closed, causing Jared to let out a heavy sigh.

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kids are fucking fragile, ok? when you have no life experience you have nothing to compare your troubles to and many things ARE, in fact, the worst thing to ever happen to you.

i’m 20. and i had a rough week this week. and one of the reasons it wasn’t as rough as it could have been is because i have had worse. i have been in more pain than this before and it was really helpful to be able to say to myself, yes, ok, i’m feeling like a massive pile of shit right now, but i remember how i felt when thing x happened y years ago and that was objectively more horrible and if i got through that then i’m going to survive this.

when i was 16 i couldn’t do that because thing x was in fact the worst thing to ever happen to me. because when you haven’t lived very long some of the things that happen WILL be the worst things to ever happen to you and you’re fucking allowed to be angry and upset and so on. there is no age you have to reach before you’re allowed to feel bad. i can’t believe this discourse tbh.

kids are fragile and they’re dismissed all the time for having feelings because shitty ass adults are so selfish that they can’t wrap their minds around the idea that MAYBE their feelings aren’t more important than a child’s. seriously fuck off maybe if someone had taken me seriously as a kid i’d be a functional adult

it’s so painful to love artists and bands especially from the sixties and seventies because you find this music that to you are so revolutionary and these people that speak to your heart and you feel the melody, the rhythm, the lyrics and the voice all through your veins, in your bones, and you see them as the young versions of themselves, and it’s like getting hit by a bus when they die, because to you, they are their young, vibrant and full of life selves, and it hurts so much when you’re reminded that they’re not

Matthew daddario Sunday meet and greet- Italian institute

“I’m not being very funny right now. I feel like I’m meant to amuse you guys. And I’m telling you nonsense parts of my life. From a young kid telling a bunch of adults about life. I feel like I should be telling jokes. Do you wanna hear a joke? I don’t know any jokes.”- matt

“Tell is a joke” - translator

“You wanna hear a knock knock joke? Ok you start” - matt

Translator looks blankly at matt.

“A knock knock joke” - matt

“Ahhh knock knock” translator

“Whose there?” - matt

“Whose there?” - translator

“No you say knock knock.” - matt

Translator looks confused at him.

“Ah dammit! It’s the only joke I had. You know when they say ok to a knock knock joke. You say You start. They say knock knock. You say whose there. And they go…………… oh cause they.. ” - matt

“We don’t have that joke in Italy.” Translator

“How do you to knock knock in Italian” - matt

“Toc toc”

“Toc toc and you say whose there?? No that’s not the same…… cultural barriers.” - matt

“Guy walks into a bar… ouch!!” - matt


“[…] I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, it wasn’t on the make, it was a perfect storm. She said one thing, I said another, next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there’s this feeling in my gut she might be the one. She’s completely nuts, in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic with a great deal of maintenance required. She is you […].”

- Hank Moody, Californication 

Gillovny all the way, motherfuckers 👊😎
Monsta X members on We Got Married

A/N: Hey there @shelteredego! That girl is me. I had fun, I daydream about this kind of scenario 7days a week. Hope you like this, hehe.


He tries to act cool and manly in front of the cameras, but as soon as you do something cute he loses it and just silently chuckles with his signature eyesmile. Shownu’s not the kind of guy who’d develop feelings during the variety since he likes to keep his private life separated from his work, but he finds it hard to resist you. Your chemistry is no joke and his awkwardness makes every scene you film a hit on internet. In no time, you’re everyone’s favourite couple and people are rooting for you. You both secretly feel like you should give the relationship a try when the show ends. The best thing about this pairing is that you’re working really hard to initiate physical contact with your hubby, but he’s completely clueless.

Oppa, come hold my waist so I don’t fall! I just wanna grab this mug…

Get off that chair. Don’t worry, I can grab it from here.” 

*Proud manly, useful and platonic husband.*

Originally posted by kpop-heaven-247


When Minhyuk sees you standing at the meeting spot, he immediately freaks out. He had his eyes on you ever since your two groups promoted at the same time on music shows. After the first meeting, he never shuts up about his “wife” to the members and they all can’t stand him anymore. He makes sure to learn all the little things about you from old interviews to impress the viewers and seduce you. (Little does he know you liked him from the start… How could you not?) He learns the way you like your ramen, your favourite colors and smells, your groups dances and even your parents’ names. Oh! Parents! He insists for his virtual wife to meet his family and you get to meet them all one day for a special episode. He works hard to make sure he’s now vital in your life and is purely devoted to your happiness. People are obsessed with you two dating in real life. Minhyuk too. He gets lowkey mad everytime you mention a guy so you do it on purpose.

“VIXX’s Hakyeon-sunbaenim called to congratulate us!

Oh, that’s nice… *Waits 30 very casual minutes* Soooo, how many of our male sunbaes have your personal phone number?

Originally posted by monstaxscenariosx


HE’S SO GOOD AT IT, it’s infuriating. Kihyun is born to star on We Got Married, he is very natural. Almost totally in control of the game and his emotions, he keeps saying cute things and doing cheesy stuff you didn’t ask for. Every time you think you’re safe and good at “playing” wife he says something or touch your waist in a way that sends shivers down your spine. He loves to see you blush, so Kihyun tries to destabilize you whenever he has the opportunity. He even bought you a puppy for christmas to make you cry and now he secretely dreads when he’ll have to separate from it. He kinda gets caught up in his own game and each of your smile now sends his heart into frenzy. He also loves to serenade you, it makes you cringe, but the viewers and Kihyun love it so much you bear with it.

“Neon neomu areumdawo, nuneul ttel suga eopseo-”

Oppa, if you want to sing to your wife, at least write me my own song!

*Stops ‘cause he is flustered by your sass, you learned from the best.*

Originally posted by wonhontology


Doux Jésus, Wonho keeps getting too involve and he forgets it’s a variety show 80% of the time. Skinship comes very naturally to him so you two get close fast. At first you found him very intimidating, but his cute and loving personality helps you warm up to him. You can’t get enough of each other. If he’d dare to ask, you’d accept to spend even your free time on friendly dates with him. Friendly, because you have no idea where to draw the line. Wonho is so intense and personal with you that you can’t guess where the real part of this relationship is going. He has no idea either, he’s just impulsive when it comes to you. He’s so cute and caring, even when you aren’t filming, that the whole WGM camera crew is highkey shipping you together.

*Gives you the last biscuit and leans in to kiss the tip of your nose while you eat it*

You’re so cute jagi, you look like a lil’ squirrel.”

Oppa, you do know the cameras aren’t rolling, right?

Oh…*shrugs and smiles* SOMEBODY STOP THAT FLUFFY MAN

Originally posted by wonhontology


Thinks he’s doing fine, but is the worst member at it. You totally have the upper hand on this one. The problem with Hyungwon on WGM is that he likes to plan and analyze situations, you keep destabilizing him and he doesn’t know how to handle it. He’s an actor so he can “play” the husband just fine, but he never knows what to do with you as soon as the camera stops so you’re quite awkward with each other. There’s little chance for your relationship to evolve in something more even if he was interested in the beginning, since he’s so professional. After a while, when you’re more comfortable you can have a lot of fun together, both teasing each other endlessly. However, you’ll never be one of those hit couple on WGM that everybody is rooting for. You’re show is more about the struggles of letting someone new in your intimacy than an awkward budding love story.

*You surprisingly hug him from behind and bury your head in his sweater*

“Oppa, you smell so nice.”

“Unh? Oh, well… Thank You, ja-jagiya…

*Stiff body and awkward laugh*

Originally posted by babywoon


Jooheon is so nervous at first, he keeps dropping things and crashing into stuff at the coffee where you first meet. When he gets comfortable, he keeps joking around to make you laugh. He does aegyo all the time just because he knows it annoys you and the viewers love your chemistry. However, you quickly got a way to get back at him, thanks to a tip from Changkyun, by hiding in corners and suddenly jump to scare him. Jooheon doesn’t even try to pretend he’s not falling in love with you. It’s obvious for everybody involved, his ears are scarlet red 24/7 and he’s a flustered mess everytime you make a move on him. Both of you are so involved in this fake wedding that on your last episode, you plan to confirm the relationship and start to publicly date in real life.

“Ok. Enough with the creepy aegyo.”

Why? I’m a cutie*Does that kuku-kaka shit just to annoy you*

“I’ll give you a kiss if you stop doing that right now.”

“You’ll… W-what?” *Is interrupt by your lips on his*

Originally posted by wonhosoks


The second best at it after Kihyun. Changkyun has a way of being nonchalant and avoid his feelings that helps him a lot on WGM. Because of what you saw of him before, you thought he would be a bit shy, but he surprises you a lot. He loves to initiate physical contact with you, like back hugs or kiss the top of your head. For the show, Changkyun does and says stuff that shocks you all the time, he’ll start cute and cheesy and turn savage to make you laugh. He’s also really good at staying in control of his emotions and he keeps you on your toes. However, if you decide to switch this game around, he’ll get nervous and might even take his distance or appear a bit cold, not knowing how to react. You guys are becoming extremely close friends with a lot of skinship. Oh and one more thing: He’s killing the casual aegyo game.

Noona, your hand fits so perfectly in mine, I’d want to hold it forever… But I really can’t, it’s just so sweaty.

Originally posted by pinkhyuns

- Lyly


Keep on Living (Chapter 4) Lin-Manuel x Reader

Part 4 was delayed due to sickness and a broken laptop, sorry for the wait. The final 5th chapter will be up soon!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Summary - Your boyfriend is an abusive asshole and you’ve been trying to hide it from Lin and everyone else in the company of Hamilton. Lin has suspected for a while, and you are forced to confess when he notices a bruise on your stomach .

I’m an abuse survivor myself. Not all abuse is the same, and so this fic is not meant to be a universal experience.

To anyone that may be experiencing abuse then my inbox is always open and I will always believe you. Tell a friend or a relative if you are able to. And there are many support lines depending on your town/state/country, talking to someone helps. Stay safe.

Warnings - I’m adding a trigger warning for mentions of emotional and physical abuse.

Word count -  3371

Tags - @21phantasticromances @doctorstethoscope @huffleheyguys @fandom-nerdness7 @superwholockbooknerd526 @rachurro @alirants @awkwardlyfiona @ruth-hamilton-delrio @shockingblonde @musiclover1072 @breiler @hollyisnotsocial @justfangirlingaround @autistic-alien @ktpayne @chloehamiltonn @livinglikelaarry @iputmyselfintothenarrative @hamlintonheights @favouritefightingfrenchmen @plamspringsdancingontables @myfatherseyesandmymothersname @ctrl-altdelete 


Your office was dark and silent as you waited for Lin. Down the hall you could hear warm laughter and excited chatter as the cast stayed after the show to meet with the various celebrities in attendance that night. You looked at your watch. If you set off home now then Mark wouldn’t be mad.

Lin had insisted you stay with him tonight. “Remember to wait for me ok? I mean it Y/N, I’m coming to get you as soon as I can get out of here” He’d reminded you minutes before the curtain call that evening.

So now you sat and you waited. You felt like a kid waiting to be picked up after school, and you felt stupid. This was ridiculous. You weren’t a child, you didn’t need need rescuing. You had a home to go and you hated the thought of being a burden to anyone, Lin was probably just being polite. A roar of laughter echoed down the hallway and you flinched. You didn’t want to tear Lin away from all that just to babysit you. You looked at your watch again. If you set off now then you would only be a few minutes late and maybe Mark wouldn’t be that mad. Maybe he’d just shout at you, maybe he wouldn’t hit you.

Lin had promised not tell anyone about the bruise, he’d promised not tell anyone about Mark,  until you were ready. You explained you just wanted to work through today, to put all your energy into the mountain of incredibly dumb and mind numbing paperwork Alex had left you so you wouldn’t have to think about anything else, just for today. He hadn’t pushed you, he hadn’t pressed you. He’d nodded solemnly and said “whatever you need” with a devastatingly kind look which just crushed you.

The weight of this secret hung over you both like a dark cloud all day. The Ham4Ham show which he’d been excitedly plotting all day was now postponed and he approached Renee and Oak to take the lead and host instead.

“Hey what happened to the Backstreet Boys thing? You getting nervous about those dance moves huh?” teased Oak.

“Yeah I guess” Lin replied wearily. Renee pushed Oak aside, sensing something amiss and reassured Lin it was fine.

A few hours earlier he had been so excited about doing something so goofy. But now his eyes had lost their sparkle, instead he looked pensive and reserved and you noticed that he kept tensing his hands into tight fists and closing his eyes. And that made it worse, because it was fine for you to feel shitty, but now there was the overwhelming guilt of making Lin feel shitty too. And he didn’t deserve that.

You looked at your watch again. Ok, if you set off now then you’d definitely be home late. Mark would most definitely be in a terrible mood. He would yell at you that you were disgusting, ugly, pathetic, and as long as you kept quiet and apologized maybe he wouldn’t hit you that hard.

At that moment the door to your office swung open and Lin’s head popped round the door

“Hey Y/N, you ready? Sorry it took so long”

You swallowed the panic that had been rising in your chest only moments before and breathed. The sight of Lin’s soft eyes and a face greeting you with such kindness melted away your trepidation. You nodded nervously and Lin stretched out his hand.

“Let’s go” he said, smiling at you. You offered a weak smile in return and he grabbed your hand to lead you out.

“Ok so I’m warning you, I wasn’t expecting company tonight so things might be a little bit messy” laughed Lin as he opened the door to the apartment. It actually wasn’t that bad, you’d expected it to look a lot more chaotic, but there were piles of notebooks, papers, post-its, forgotten projects, and just the usual chaos you were used to seeing around Lin all the time.

“Honestly it’s fine” you mumbled, looking down at the floor. “I’m just so sorry to be putting you out like this, I feel awful, I shouldn’t be here.” You paused as you entered through the door, as though maybe you really should just turn back home right now. Maybe it wasn’t too late.

“No way, you’re staying. I mean it. You spent the whole cab back here apologizing, you are now entering a no apology zone, ok? No more apologies.” He gave you his best school teacher frown, the one that he used in rehearsals to make you laugh, and you squeezed out a small smile

You place your bag down on the couch, feeling everything move around you in slow motion. You felt like you were under water. When did this become your life? It was an almost an out of body experience where you could see yourself from above, feeling sorry for this mess of a girl in Lin’s apartment. You wondered when you had become this weak.

“I said are these ok?”


You realized Lin had been talking to you and you’d zoned out. You’d been doing that a lot lately.

Lin gestured at the clean towels in his hands.

“I thought you might need a shower, I just got you some towels. There’s some stuff to sleep in as well, it’s all clean I promise”. He smiled warmly at you but his eyes were still clouded in darkness. The face of someone so desperately trying to cheer you up while masking their own pain. You nodded and smiled and headed to the bathroom.

The hot shower felt good against your sore stiff muscles. Your body ached, and your belly was tender to touch. You looked down at your skin now marked in a map of bruises, some old, some new, and vowed to yourself that there would be no more new bruises after tonight. Mark would never hit you again.

You dried off and smiled to yourself as you unfolded the Ducktales t-shirt and sweatpants Lin had left you. The jersey felt soft against your skin, smelling of peppermint and fabric softener. You headed back to the lounge and for a second you watched Lin as he sat, unaware of your gaze. He sat on the edge of the couch, his hands clasped together in a tight fist which rested on his knees, bouncing up and down in agitation. He cricked his neck. There was a rage in his eyes which he’d been hiding from you. You’d seen it briefly that afternoon when you’d first shown him the bruise, but he’d worn a fake smile all evening for your benefit. But here was the same murderous look on his face, the anger that had scared you, and you felt an instant pang of guilt for making him feel this way.

“Thanks for the shower” you said, making your presence known. Lin looked up at you, the rage instantly melting from his face, and he smiled at you.

“And thanks for all this” you said gesturing to the camomile tea he’d prepared and the blankets and pillows on the couch which he’d set up.

“Oh this is for me, you’ll be sleeping in my bed tonight” said Lin, moving over so you could sit down next to him.


Lin held up his hands in protest. “Y’N there’s no way in hell I’m letting you sleep on this couch ok? No arguments. The bed is yours.” You sat down clutching the mug of tea for warmth and gave a resigned nod.

“God I’m so sorry…” you began

“Hey, this is a no apology zone remember? “ He smiled at you in reassurance and his smile, god, it was more than you deserved right now.

“I’m sorry. I know you said no apologies, but god I’m so sorry” You blinked back the tears forming in your eyes as Lin affectionately placed his hand on your shoulder with a soft squeeze letting you know that it was ok.

“Talk to me” Lin said gently.

And you talked.

You finally talked.

All the things you hadn’t been able to say, finally got said. You told him how things weren’t always like this. How the early days of your relationship with Mark had been fun, how he’d made you feel good, how he used to be a nice guy. But then how he’d lost his job and ended up moving in with you far too quickly and now it doesn’t feel like your home anymore.

Lin didn’t look away, he nodded at you to continue, he never interrupted. When you found yourself unable to form words when things get too difficult, he lightly traced small soft circles on your shoulder with his thumb, inviting you to continue, but never pressuring you to speak. His eyes showing you that he unequivocally believed you.

In a moment of quiet you sipped your tea which had now turned cold.

“And when did he first hit you?” asked Lin, his tone solemn quiet.

“It wasn’t hitting to begin with” You explained. “He’d say things, yell things. He’d yell at me that I was a slut, that I was a whore, that I was disgusting. He’d tell me I was pathetic, that nobody would want me, he made me feel grateful that he even wanted me. He laughed at me, said that my music, my work was worthless, that soon everyone would see I was worthless. And after a while I guess I just started to believe it too. I know that sounds stupid. I mean I know I’m stupid.”

Lin shook his head and stared at the floor, his mouth opened then closed, as though he was about to speak but forced himself not to before taking a breath.

“You aren’t stupid” he whispered.

You told him about the first time he’d hit you. The black eye, the marks on your wrist, the way he’d pulled your hair.

You told him about how Mark had seen the video, about how Jasmine’s words had antagonized him. How angry he’d been.

“And if that wasn’t enough, he heard me drunkenly refer to you as cute in that video, and boy was he gonna punish me for that”.

Lin turned his head to stare at you in that moment, his eyes were wild.

“It was nothing, I was drunk, but he heard it. And that’s why it’s my fault. That night he…. Well I don’t think I can even say out loud the things he called me that night, I don’t think I ever want to hear those words again” You swallowed hard.

“That night I guess I was just a punching bag for him. He told me he’d hit me where nobody would see. He punched me so hard I couldn’t breathe. I just remember him kicking me in the stomach and then nothing. I think I passed out from the pain.”

You swirled the mug of half drunk cold tea in your hands and breathed deeply. You had said it. You’d finally told someone. You felt lighter and free but also in utter shock from your own words, you’d not heard them said out loud before.

You looked over at Lin. He was still staring at the floor. His knee bounced while slowly shaking his head. His hands were in two tight fists, his knuckles white which he flexed and tensed. He muttered in Spanish under his breath

“…Voy a matarlo”


He looked up at you. He couldn’t keep the anger out of his face this time.

“I’m sorry. I just… god I just can’t believe that someone has done this to you!” He spat out in a rage. “That this fucking scumbag thought he had the right to do this to you. It just….”

Lin sat back against the couch, running his hands back through his hair, exhaling in exasperation.

He looked at you biting his lip, biting back the rage and steadying himself.

He lowered his voice.

“This wasn’t your fault. You know that right?”

“I know. But it’s also hard to really know that. When you hear that you’re a giant piece of shit for 4 months straight that becomes the only truth that you really know.”

Your eyelids felt heavy and you rubbed your temples. It was 3am. You’d talked for most of the night and you suddenly felt exhausted.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made you talk about this so much.” Lin said, standing up and reaching out his hand.

“Hey, this is the no apology zone remember” you said smiling sleepily, and you grabbed his hand as he lead you to the bedroom.  

You couldn’t keep your eyes open and Lin pulled back the sheets while you climbed in bed. You wanted to say more, you wanted to apologize at least a hundred times more, explain that you weren’t stupid, you wanted to figure out a plan of action, figure out what you were going to do about Mark, and then add a few more apologies in for good measure. But all you could mumble out was a sleepy “thank you” as your head hit the pillow.

Lin pulled the blanket over you and gently kissed your temple while whispering “Goodnight” before turning out the light and leaving you to sleep.

You woke up just 3 hours later in a panic. Where were you? Where was Mark? You caught your breath and tried to calm yourself down. Your eyes adjusted and you realised you were in Lin’s room. Last night’s confessional came flooding back and you realised it was ok,  you were safe. Mark wasn’t here.

You sat up in bed. The blanket, the pillows, your t-shirt all smelled of Lin: peppermint, his coconut shampoo, and something else, something warm and familiar. Looking at the empty space next to you in the bed you felt a pang of loneliness and the dawning realisation that you wished Lin was there with you. You rubbed your tired eyes. It was far too early in the morning to be having these kinds of confusing feelings. You at least needed coffee before sorting through those emotions.

You crept out of bed, heading down the hall hoping to get a glass of water from the kitchen without waking Lin. You stood in the doorway and a smile crept on your face. You didn’t have to worry about waking Lin. It was 6am and Lin was sitting cross legged on the sofa eating cereal watching cartoons with a dopey contented smile on his face.

“Morning!” you croaked

“Hey sleepyhead” he grinned moving up to give you space to join him on the sofa.

“Why are you even awake?” you laughed as you climbed up next to him, resting your head against his shoulder.

“I could ask you the same” he smiled.

He set his bowl of cereal down, putting his arm around you and greeting you with a friendly forehead kiss, which made your skin tingle. Oh yeah, this was definitely adding to the confusing crush building in your head. But you didn’t move away, you felt safe, and warm, and happy for the first time in months.

“So I’m guessing you didn’t sleep much?” he asked.

“Nah” you sighed. “But it’s ok, I actually feel good. There’s just still so much to sort out though.”

“This definitely calls for coffee then!”

Lin jumped up and brought back the pot of coffee from the kitchen and two mugs and for the rest of the morning you quietly watched old episodes of Powerpuff Girls under the blanket on the sofa in a comfortable sleepy silence. You were so relieved that he hadn’t pressed you for more details, thankful that he hadn’t tried to get you to talk any more. You were all cried out, and you were so grateful that there was no expectation for you to continue the intense conversations from the night before.

“You know you can stay here for as long as you need” Lin said finally, breaking the silence. “You don’t have to figure anything out just yet, we can deal with Mark stuff later when you’re feeling up to it.”

You nodded. You weren’t able to make any of the big decisions that morning. Decisions such as whether to go to the police, how to get Mark out of your home, how to move on with your life, and why you felt this strange nervous flutter inside you when Lin smiled at you. They would all need to wait for another time.

“Thank you” you said earnestly. “Honestly, for everything, just… thank you.”

He smiled before pulling you back into another hug. It’s a friendly gesture, you told yourself. But still, you felt tingles of confusion and excitement ripple through you as he pulled you back under his arm and kissed the side of your head. You shivered and turned to face him, your nose practically touching his. Your skin felt electric.

This wasn’t just a friendly gesture.

Neither of you spoke. Neither of you looked away.  He glanced down at your lips, his mouth opened and he gently cupped your cheek with his hand. He looked up at your eyes searching to see if this was ok. You saw the corners of his mouth turning up ever so slightly before he pulled you close to him and closed his eyes.

He kissed you so softly it tickled your lips. A small soft butterfly kiss that seemed to linger in slow motion as his bottom lip dragged lightly against yours. It lasted a second before Lin pulled back, removing his hand from your face and shaking his head, his eyes already full of apologies.

“God, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that” He shook his head and bit his lip.

You looked from his eyes, down to his lips and you didn’t even think. You leaned in and kissed him again. You caught him by surprise and pressed your lips to his.  He slowly began to kiss you back. They were small delicate quick kisses at first, turning into deep hungry desperate kisses, and you felt his hand in your hair, holding the back of your head pulling you closer to him, and his other hand caressing your cheek while his lips danced with yours. Strands of his hair brushed against your face as your pressed closer.

His lips felt urgent and warm and you felt his hand move from your cheek, slowly moving down your arm before wrapping around your waist. You gasped, your skin was still so tender to touch and you suddenly broke away from his lips, moving his hand away from the sore and aching bruise on your waist.

“Oh shit…” Lin began

“It’s ok it’s ok, I just… It still hurts” you winced.

“God, Y/N I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, we’re in a no apology zone, remember?” You smiled, but Lin didn’t smile back. He stared  down at your waist where you’d lifted up the t-shirt to inspect your bruise. Your skin was dark purple and blue, with yellow edges and his eyes were wide in panic.

“No, this is too soon. You’re vulnerable and not ok, and I don’t want to take advantage of you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

There was a stunned silence, and your face flushed with embarrassment. Of course he didn’t want to kiss you. Who would want to kiss you? You were ugly and pathetic, and isn’t this what Mark had always told you? You were worthless, you were nothing, you were a joke, and you all you heard was Mark’s cruel laughter ringing in your head.

“It’s ok” you said softly. “It was my fault, it was stupid. Let’s pretend that never happened ok? We’re just friends, I was confused and I overstepped, I’m sorry.”

(Mark was right, I’m pathetic. I’m ugly. I’m a joke)

You looked back at the tv, suddenly finding yourself incredibly immersed and engrossed in the latest Powerpuff Girls adventures avoiding all eye contact with Lin.

“Hey Y/N really, it’s ok, you didn’t overstep, I really wanted to…”

You cut him off

“Hey, so I should probably get dressed” you exclaimed, a little too brightly. “And I might need to head to Target and pick up some underwear or something.” You began clearing up the the mugs and Lin’s forgotten cereal bowl.

“And we still have Ham4Ham to work on today. I hope you’ve been practicing your Backstreet Boys!” You forced a wide grin.

Lin’s eyes narrowed.

“Are you ok?”

“Of course!” you smiled.

(I’m ugly. I’m worthless)

“Are we ok?”

You sighed and closed your eyes. “Yes of course we are. You’re absolutely right, that shouldn’t have happened. Let’s just keep things light and easy today, I think that’s all my brain can handle.”

(Mark was right)

Lin looked at you, studying your face before nodding slowly in agreement.

“Whatever you need, I’ve got you.”  

You nodded, unable to speak. Faking a smile and holding it together had become your speciality.


Thanks for reading.  The 5th and final chapter is coming soon here!

the mars signs, basically
  • mars in aries: "u know what. FUCk everything. why doesnt life just give me what i want!!! life is so SLOW and BORING and i want ADVENTURE why can't things just HAPPEN MY WAY for ONCE!!!" *someone tells them to chill* "who tf are you??? are you trying to fight me????? ok i dare you FIGHT ME"
  • mars in taurus: *bad stuff happens* "lol im fine" *more bad stuff happens* "@ life are u trying to provoke me...try harder it aint working" *the worst thing that could possibly happen happens* "OK THATS IT IM AT MY LIMIT. THAT WAS NOT NECESSARY. IM SO MAD RIGHT NOW I CANT EVEN THINK WTF WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME. anyways im actually totally chill haha let me just suppress my feelings it'll be ok :)"
  • mars in gemini: "oh, i see! you think i'm wrong. i'm truly sorry to hear that some pitiful creatures like you find my beautiful mind so complex that you can't comprehend anything i'm saying. i'm sure that, for SOME people, it is indeed a bit too complex hahah lmao (:"
  • mars in cancer: "fine, whatever. u may have said something rude but it's ok im just gonna ignore that" *later* "that fUkcin bitch...i'll show them later, trust me. i'll just wait for the right moment and destroy them when they least expect it"
  • mars in leo: "??? did u just insult me or one of my interests ??? lmao first of all, HOW DARE YOU. second of all, YOU ARE WRONG. i am so beautiful and awesome and such a great friend and THIS is how u repay me??? i'm worth so much more than this. you are disgraceful. i am disgusted"
  • mars in virgo: "i hate everything. NOTHING is going right and i am FALLING APART. honestly i don't even remember the last time something good happened in this world. why are people always annoying me? why is school always annoying me??? why is LIFE always annoying me????? can everyone just STOP"
  • mars in libra: *someone points out that they need to get their life together* "bitch...what? i'm fine...what are you talking life is 100% under control!!!" *procrastinates everything* "wtf why do i have so much work??? i am dying under all the pressure i hate everything NOTHING IS UNDER CONTROL"
  • mars in scorpio: *on the outside* "okay you know what fuck you im so over this it's over" *on the inside* "i know all ur weaknesses, honey...and trust me, you will regret it. you think i'm over this but i'm definitely not lmao watch ur back"
  • mars in sagittarius: "wtf bitch i hate u, what do you think of yourself??? how dare u disagree with me and say rude stuff to me ugh don't talk to me ever again" *after like 8 minutes max* "omfg the other day i was listening to the duck song and i was thinking about how much you'd like it i mean i bet you've already heard it but it's absolutely hilarious u should watch the video it went viral on youtube hahaha" *someone asks if they've gotten over their anger* "what anger? ...oh thAT. lmao whatever who cares about that, have you heard the duck song?"
  • mars in capricorn: "yeah i'm pretty fucking upset right now, things definitely did not go the way i expected them to. anyways that's just life. i'm over it. i'm just gonna...try and distract myself.....and pretend nothing happened...because that'll help me stop thinking about my shitty life...probably"
  • mars in aquarius: *on the outside* "i guess ur right. maybe what ur saying is the right thing to do :) :) :)" *on the inside* "...excuse me hoe.....ur wrong, i'm right. u can't tell me what to do. i'm well-aware of what i'm doing, if u think i'm gonna listen to anything u tell me to do ur 100% wrong bye"
  • mars in pisces: *accidentally offends someone, someone asks why they're mad* "honestly i'm not totally sure why i'm mad. i didn't even know i was mad until you pointed it out. i mean there are the usual reasons for being mad...people are horrible, life just generally sucks. so yeah im probably just generally mad lmao no worries"
Brood Buddies

Originally posted by monstrousmess

Characters: Y/n, Derek, Peter, Stiles, Scott, The Pack

Pairing: Derek x Y/n (FEMALE READER)

Warnings: Terrified Stiles…moodiness, bonding with Derek, fluff, insulting Stiles, fluff at the end…

Word count: 1515

Summary: You and Derek find a common interest…your disgust for Stiles. 

A/N: Ok, so requested fic from @loosing-arms-barnes-Can I request a Derek hale imagine where he and the reader are both brooding and rude and somehow they bond over their annoying encounters with stiles and the rest of the pack. So I didn’t do multiple encounters of bonding, only the one. Also, sorry it took so long!! Hope u like it!!

Tagged peeps: @sallyp-53 @greyravenvixen @helvonasche@chelsea072498@the-latina-trickster@aingealcethlenn​ @squirrels-angels-and-moose @lucifer-in-leather@kumaartz@sinceriouslyamellpadalecki@mogaruke​ 


“Do you think she’ll be there too?”

Stiles hated when you were around.

He had nothing against you.

Well-maybe a little something.

You were scary.

Stiles was terrified of you.

You were older. You were quiet. You were moody. And you looked at him as though you were about to murder him. 

You were basically Derek, except with boobs and longer hair.

“I don’t know, Stiles. But just calm down. She’s not that bad”.

Stiles stared at Scott in shock.

“Not that bad? Scott, she’s practically psychotic. She just sits and stares. Barely says anything. And she’s friends with Peter!” he hissed, trying to get his point across.

Scott smirked, shoving Stiles as they walked through the parking lot.

“Y/n’s not that bad. Aside from being friends with Peter, she’s a nice person”.

Stiles just couldn’t understand how people liked you.

He didn’t hate you. But you were cold and mean. 

“Whatever, Scott. Just make sure you have your claws ready, cos I’m pretty sure she’s gonna kill me one of these days”.

Keep reading

“Boy mode” vs “girl mode” 🚹🚺 As much as I wish it wasn’t the case, the honest reality of my current existence is that one of the partners of my company is super-religious and I still have to ‘present male’ at my 9-5 office work for the time being. Though even today with digging an old tee from my music days out of retirement, I feel like my best boy mode I can muster lately is getting pretty weak. Other than a full eye, I wear pretty much the same full face of makeup at work plus basically a self-imposed uniform of plain black tee, skinny jeans and flats. I’m in this weird limbo where everyone in my personal life knows about my transition for the past year and I pretty much present female exclusively, but at work nobody “knows” but I’ve clearly changed visually and CLEARLY wear makeup and make no dedicated effort to present masculine (save for today’s tee). I have a hard time believing that nobody has put the pieces together, but I suppose they probably think I’m just gay or something. (But everyone knows I’m happily married?) I work super hard and am good at my job so I’ve not been directly confronted for now. I also have avoided being honest about it on Facebook because of co-workers, but because of my music following as well, which is what 99% of my Facebook consists of (which I’m honestly less worried about). I just can’t afford to lose my income and insurance. Anyway. I just want to be honest about this because it’s an awkward existential issue to have, even temporarily. I came honest about being transgender to rectify my feelings with my appearance and body - and NOT feel like I’m living some kind of double life - and that’s exactly what I feel like I’m literally having to do for now. But I know it’s part of what I’ve gotta do. I don’t know when the timing is going to feel right but I’m going to have to be honest about this with my bosses, and I’m not sure how that’s gonna play out. Hopefully it will be ok and they’ll figure out s way to not be uncomfortable. At this point not much would change, but it’s hard to drop the “T word” and it’s hard to not imagine religion getting in the way.


AU Meme: Dating Derek Luh

That’s right. I’m back. I got your cute messages and I feel bad for not updating in so long. But I’m gonna be honest, I had to concentrate on myself and a lot of stuff going on in my life so this pause was necessary. The sad thing is I don’t think I’ll be able to be as active as I used to with everything going on right now. But the good thing is I’m still there. And I’ll keep on updating every time I have the time and the mood, and hopefully most of you guys are ok with that. I am also going to close the requests and stop making promises because I don’t know how much I will be able to make and how long it will take me. 

For now, I made a Derek Luh AU because I was in the mood for it. Hope you guys enjoy :) <3

Gotta say a big thank you though, to those of you who kept checking my page for updates, messaging me, and not giving up on me. Your support still means a lot to me <3 :))

I’ve Waited My Whole Life (2)

Part 1

Request: “Could you do a Bucky soulmate story? Like the au with the countdown to the moment you meet your soulmate, but Bucky doesn’t have it because his arm is gone so the reader freaks out a little bit. But it’s all ok in the end. Like super fluffy fluff… maybe leads to smut, whatever you’re feeling.”

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Eventual)

Word Count: 3950

A/N: So I FINALLY got past my writers block! It happened around 3 am on Monday and I just couldn’t stand for this part being any different than what I have right now. So I literally scratched everything that I had done all last week and rewrote all four-thousand words in under two days, which I think may be a record for me. But anyway I hope that you guys enjoy this, part one is almost at 200 notes so this part has a lot to live up to. I love you guys and enjoy! (P.S. It’s opening night of Hello Dolly!)

Warnings: Angst, fluff, (*whispers*) cliffhanger, (Get ready for this roller coaster) 

Tags: @seargantbcky, @lust-for-pan, @38leticia, @barnes-and-noble-girl, @karipaleta, @capandbuck, @camillechan, @findacauseandserveit, @audasia25, @kendallefire, @alicerozenju, @snuggleducky, @thisisthelilith , @boyzines, @ballerinafairyprincess, @axelinchen, @sarahfhealy, @blazeshira, @the-strandedgypsy, @luckylundy13, @fandomtainment

Originally posted by starkquinzel


As the day got later, all of the other recruits decided to head into town for dinner. They didn’t ask me to come. Not that I actually had any money for dinner, but it would have been nice to have been asked. So instead I decided to do some exploring. I walked around the whole lower level, where my room was and then moved up to the main floor, hoping that there wasn’t anyone else there.

I stepped out of the elevator and peeked out into the room, making sure that no one was there before I went in. I didn’t see anyone so I went and sat on the couch and flipped through the channels. I was alone for about fifteen minutes when I heard two different voices walking towards me. I was going to leave the room, feeling a little out of place, but they caught me.

“Y/N.” Bucky stopped me.

“Hi.” I looked at the other guys standing next to him. “Sam, right?”

“Yeah. It’s nice to see you again.”

“You guys have met?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, he used to work with the VA.”

Keep reading

Requested imagine -

You had just got back from an award show and you were exhausted. Like completely exhausted.

You had been feeling sick all night, the lights and the pressure around you had not done anything to help the headache you had been fighting all day.

You were the assistant to One Direction’s manager, and as she was back in London making last minute plans for their next tour you had been given the job of making sure that all the boys did what they had to at the award show.

It wasn’t a hard job. You got on well with all the boys, they were your best friends in the world, especially after being on tour with them for the last two years, so it was never not a good night when you actually got to go to an event with them. You were in charge of making sure they were all dressed and presented nicely, and had to keep a good eye on them so they made good decisions, but they weren’t stupid, and they’d done these things a hundred times, so you didn’t really have to worry.

It had just been a little awkward with Harry lately. At the end of the last tour you two had been getting close and you were starting to have real feelings for him. However you knew what he did and who he was so you didn’t put your hopes up. You were realistic. You knew he probably wouldn’t be interested in a manager’s assistant, so you distanced yourself.

You had a little break after the tour but now you were back with the boys.

He had confronted you about it earlier in the week when you met up again, saying that he felt you were giving him the cold shoulder.

You swear you could see the hurt in his eyes as he spoke.

Maybe you were wrong about him not being interested?

So the night had finally come to a close and you’ve all gone back to Louis’ home to rest for the night. You were currently in LA and Louis was the only one who had managed to secure a house, the other boys preferring to live in London, so the decision was made that you could all crash there for a few days before having to head back to the UK for the start of tour.

The plan earlier was to head to Louis to change and then head out again to go to an after party, but the thought made you feel even more sick than you were before. You were coming down from the high of the event and it was hitting you hard. There was no way you’d be able to go out again.

The five of you headed into Louis main living room and you looked straight towards the couch. You just wanted to collapse on it.

“Alright guys quick change and we’re out of here! Wanna go party like its 1999!” Liam proclaimed, heading quickly to one of the spare bedrooms that he had claimed for himself for the next few days. Niall nodded and headed in a similar direction. You observed Louis heading upstairs to his own bedroom.  

You on the other hand went and sat directly on the couch, holding your pounding head in your hands. Harry noticed your statue and sat next to you, placing a soft hand on the top of your back, rubbing gently.

“You ok?” He asked, the concern evident in his voice.

“Not really,” you laughed sarcastically, trying to laugh off how bad you were actually feeling. You slightly shrugged Harry off your back.

“Can I do anything to help? It’s your head isn’t it? I always used to get headaches after these stupid award shows?” He said, a lightness to his voice.

You just didn’t really want to be around Harry right now. Not only was your head pounding but your feelings for Harry were right at the surface of your mind again now that he was back in your life and you just didn’t want to deal with the rejection.

“I’m fine Harry, Just go get ready to go out with the boys, I might skip this one tonight.” you shrugged him off completely and moved away slightly, shifting further down the couch.

Harry huffed under his breath. “Can you not do that?” he said, shifting his body towards you.

“Do what?” you huffed back. You were frustrated with how you were feeling and the situation with Harry.

“Shrug me off like that,” he proclaimed. “You know I care about you and I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

You looked up at him and saw his eyes wide with concern and confusion. You felt bad. You didn’t want to shrug him off, you just didn’t want to fall into the pit of feelings that was starting to develop again.

“I know Harry I just don’t want to deal with this right now.” you said putting your hand through your hair and resting your head on the back of the couch.

Harry looked confused. “Deal with what?”

“You Harry. I just can’t deal with you coming over here and saying that you care about me and making me have feelings for you when-”

He grabbed onto your arm and interrupted you. “Wait. Wait. You have feelings for me?”

You went pale for a moment. Paler than you had been a moment ago. You weren’t meant to confess your feelings to him so bluntly. Now you felt like an idiot.

“Harry just forget about it.”

He shifted closer to you. “I can’t just forget about something like that. I’ve been waiting two bloody years for you to say those words.”

Your head rose from the back of the couch and you looked at Harry. “Really?”

“Yes Y/N. I’ve had feelings for you for as long as I can remember. You pushing me away was breaking my heart.”

You felt guilty. “I’m sorry. I was pushing away because I didn’t want to get rejected it was easier for me to just move away slowly.

Harry placed a hand on your cheek. “You’re so silly.” He chuckled.

The next thing you knew you are being pulled into him arms, your head nuzzled under his chin.

“You know what? I think I might stay here tonight too. Don’t really feel like going out,” Harry said, putting his arms tighter around your waist.

You cuddled in closer to his chest. “That sounds good.”

He chuckled.

Moments later you were fast asleep. Harry reached over grabbing the TV remote so he could settle for the next few hours. There was no way he was moving.

Louis came in from upstairs and saw the sight in front of him. He caught Harry’s eyesight and laughed to himself . “Fucking Finally,” he said to Harry.

Harry chuckled. “Shut up.”

When the boys were finally completely ready they came back into the living room, awing at the sight. Liam gave Harry a thumbs-up and Niall gave him a small smile, knowing how much this moment meant to Harry.

Niall and Liam were respectful of you sleeping and crept out the door with Louis in toe. They knew how sick you had been feeling all day, saw how much you were struggling all through the night, and wanted you to get some rest.

Before completely leaving, Niall secretly took a few shots of the two of you on his phone, knowing Harry would appreciate them at a later time.

The boys shut the door behind them and headed down to the waiting car.

“Fucking finally,” said Liam.

“That’s what I said!” Louis proclaimed.

The three boys laughed to themselves.

The lips of the bottle are cold against Dean’s own. He likes it that way—the ice before the bitter taste and heat. His mouth the gateway between tangible and fantasy where he can pinpoint the spaces to untangle and let go.

It’s a game: Drink. Sink deeper into the motel pillows. Drink again.

It should make Dean’s skin feel less real. It should curb the way his eyes feel dry and heavy. Should lull him into a sense of heady nothingness. But Dean’s stomach churns against the liquid and the mattress is too hard.

“God,” he says, his chest struggling under an unseen weight. It isn’t a prayer or a curse. Instead, it’s a word to try and incinerate the nerves already sparking inside him. Finish the job.

But it isn’t God that answers. It’s Cas, standing like a wall. Strong. Fierce. Not like Dean, who tries to turn away from the angel the moment he appears inside the motel room. It’s Dean who can’t even bring himself to act like he’s ok. He only has enough reserves left now to hide. Only has the strength to close his eyes against the light with force.

And he shivers when Cas’s hand falls on the skin of his arm, holding it tightly.

Dean wonders if Cas can feel his blood move beneath his skin. Wonders if Cas sees any life left in the shell of Dean’s body.

“Dean,” Cas says, and it’s worry. It’s pain. It’s recognition that Dean exists, even if the hunter doesn’t want to be real right now.

Dean wants to look at Cas. He knows the angel has always seen him. And he knows Cas’s soul has spoken to him, too. If only the words could translate. Because maybe Cas could say what Dean needs to hear. Could fill up the empty room with words neither of them ever learned. Words like “hope,” and “safe.”

And Cas’s hand waits. Waits for Dean to allow it.

It takes a long time. It’s reluctant. It’s a fist that sprouts from a tight wad, blooming like a reluctant flower to slowly, lightly touch Cas’s skin back with his own. To give the angel the ok.

It’s brief. It’s shaky. It’s enough.

Dean feels Cas’s heat against his back as the angel lays down behind him. And Cas talks through his fingers, saying the things his mouth can’t. He tells stories with their skin, letting his palms run along Dean’s back and chest and arms. Anywhere he can find to spread his heat like balm.

Then it’s the angel’s mouth against his neck, breathing home into Dean’s spine and hair while Cas’s palm rests lightly on Dean’s stomach, skirting under the hunter’s shirt.

And when he finally feels Cas’s mouth on his back, small kisses through the fabric, the hunter wonders at the need for words at all. Because it isn’t desire, it’s worship. It’s Cas telling him he’s glad Dean’s alive. Glad he’s here.

Dean swallows. He flips onto his back, giving Cas further purchase on his skin. But Cas’s hands have stopped, and part of Dean wants to open his eyes. To see if Cas has left him here to the silence. But he can’t bring his eyes to face the emptiness. And as his skin starts to cool in the wait, he suddenly can’t breathe, Dean’s lungs jolting and shaking while he cuts off his own air supply.

Cas, Dean prays. Cas, touch me. Talk to me.

But the hands don’t return. Instead, Dean is startled when he feels a heavy weight on his chest, right against his heart. He can feel through his shirt where Cas’s ear is pushed up against his skin. Can feel Cas’s tiny breaths of admiration as the angel inhales at the sensation of each heart beat.

The burn inside Dean’s stomach starts to subside and his hand makes his way into Cas’s hair, resting his fingers in between patches of it. Neither of them move except to breathe. Dean doesn’t open his eyes. No one speaks.

But Dean can hear Cas anyway, telling him all the things he needs to fill the silence. And suddenly maybe, just maybe, Dean thinks he might know what hope feels like.