You go to the Fallow Mire and Someone in Your Quest Party (Usually Love Interest, sometimes You) falls ill. Fluff ensues; sometimes Smut, too.
You ‘remember’ flashes of A Terrible Secret: though, after Chapter 2/3, it’s not even brought up until Chapter 20-something, and has been pretty much entirely forgotten by Chapter 40.
Your entire family is dead.
You are (endearingly) clumsy and awkward, and yet somehow deadly talented with your Weapon of Choice, and still managing to charming the pants off of everyone. Including all Non-Canonically-Romanceable characters and the entire Orlesian Court.
You are a Dalish Elf that continues to call Solas “Hahren” after the initial argument Dalish Elves.
Solas has hair.
Thedas has high schools. Or coffee shops. Or Anything remotely modern.
Cassandra is a lesbian/has been this whole time?
Everyone’s Sexuality is more Fluid than any fluid previously known to science.
Cullen and Solas are Totally Cool with You bouncing between them as L.I. every time one of them hurts your feelings and/or apologizes for hurting your feeling. All is forgiven. They only want Your Happiness.
Cullen and Solas are onlyNot Totally Cool with You bouncing between them as L.I. when the Plot requires Angst and/or Sexual Tension.
Varric and Hawke are dating and/or sleeping together.
Varric and Cassandra are dating and/or sleeping together.
Isabela and Merrill are dating and/or having an inordinate amount of sex that neither has any problem sharing in Graphic Detail with anyone who will listen.
A Major Character has a child/children.
And/or You are pregnant.
“Eventual” and Excessive Smut.
No One Dies that was not already dead. Not even during Adamant/in the Fade.
You’re a Virgin and your L.I. is “honored” to be your first.
Alternately, You ‘remember’ Sleeping with Anything that Breathed before, but now you only want your L.I. and no one else is even attractive to You.
But Everyone is Attracted to You.
Your relationship with your L.I. begins as a rivalry, and progresses slowly, without any actual acknowledgement or discussion of shared feelings, resulting in excessive Sexual Tension.
Oral is way more fun. You are also incredibly good at it, despite Probably being a Virgin.
Same for Butt Stuff.
Sex lasts all night. Loudly. Usually in a tent, with the rest of your companions only inches away, none of which complain until the next day or file a complaint to HR.
Aside: @tel-abelas-mofo I literally wrote all this like, an hour/two ago, NO JOKE.
1. “All He Sees Is Red” – Fenhawke – Hawke handles the aftermath of Best Served Cold very poorly. They stay in each other’s arms for as long as they need until they’re comfortable enough to walk home hand in hand.
2. “I Want You, Only You” – Fenhawke – Fenris and Hawke have a conversation during Legacy, shortly after That Night.
The light of the fire flickers out, plunging their camp into darkness,
and Fenris is starting to tense as Hawke says, “There’s no one I’d
rather have at my side than you, Fen, in whatever way you choose.”
Andraste preserve him, Garrett Hawke is the luckiest man in all of Thedas.
4. “Bring Me 2 Life: The My Immortal AU” – Goffik!Anderz with Fenhawke on the side – A satire detailing the adventures of Anderz Dark’ness Lacrymosa Ember Justice Way created for AntiAnders Month, currently on hiatus.
As for me, I was kicking pozer ass with my big goffik staff, and
B'Lodi Venjenss an I cast black fireball after blak fireball, each one
incinerating and obliterating the pozer in its blast. I’m da greatest mage evah.
5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you? Hmm, I really don’t think one has been ruined for me, but most of the pairings from DA2 can be exhausting. There’s so much contention (thanks to the forced rivalry vs. character development) around some of the main pairs that I just have to tune them out entirely (read Fenris and Anders).
Bleh, this is why I ship SebHawke. Just let everyone be chill and have a prince.
What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?
I don’t hate anything – nothing riles me up so much that I get angry. But, if we’re talking about annoyed, see the above.The amount of vitriol I see around certain characters in particular just boggles my mind. People get a bit overzealous in defending or villainizing and I’m just over here looking for shiny things I guess.
Character analysis is great – I studied literary analysis in college so I do geek out when I see a great analysis of the characters or game. But at the end of the day, you can make any argument convincing if you’re persuasive enough/employ the right kind of rhetoric. I don’t want to spend my time fighting about characters/reading arguments over characters when so much of it boils down to how you play the game and your personal life experiences.
What is the purest ship in the fandom?
MerrillxCarver is to me, so sweet. I just adore the little blood mage. She’s earnest and underrated, and Carver’s doofy crush on her is adorable. I just want them to hug and for Merrill to make him flower crowns and Carver to steer her in the right direction by the elbow when she starts veering down the wrong alley.
Also, Alistair x Warden will always be the purest twu wove ship. Le sigh.