lies-of-locke-lamora

I started reading @scottlynch78 ‘s Gentleman Bastard series five centuries after everybody else so here’s a sketch of the book 1 crew ! I’m enjoying it a lot so if you’re one of the hundred people who recced it to me in the past : thank you ! also bonus boys xoxo

I’ve started reading Scott Lynch’s Gentleman Bastard series and I’m starting to think that Camorr is like the Florida of the City-States - except that any reports that may circulate with regards to “Camorr Man” are more often than not just the Misadventures of Locke Lamora in a Variety of Silly Hats. 

“Camorr Man Spends Entire Morning Being Strangled in Hopes of Attracting Lucrative Business Opportunity”

“Camorr Man Calls Literal Wizard an Asshole - Kills His Pet Bird”

“Climbing Down 100-Foot Trellis After Taking an Emetic Honestly Camorr Man’s Best Option Given the Circumstances”

“Camorr Man Lucky He Wasn’t Devoured by Giant Spiders After Nearly Drowning in Barrel of Horse Piss”

“Camorr Man Fakes Assassination Attempt in Order to Steal Man’s Pants”

“Camorr Man Punches Old Lady in the Face - Jumps out Fiftieth Story Window - Claims it was ‘Really Big Bird’“

2

[   A z a   G u i l l a   ]      Also know as the Lady of the Long Silence and the Lady Most Kind, is one of The Twelve, the gods of the Therin people. She is the goddess of death, depicted as wearing a veil. She embraces the dead, cares for them and is said to weigh the souls of the departed once they’ve gone on to the other side.

  • me: characters never grieve realistically. they cry maybe once and then they're fine. Their dead friend might get a throw-away mention like 'Blank would have liked this. She's in a better place' but that's about it. It's like death doesn't really have an impact beyond shock value for the reader.
  • me: *reads the gentleman bastards series*
  • me:
  • me:
  • me: i didn't know what i was asking for take it back.

If you love Six of Crows and haven’t yet read the Gentlemen Bastards series please do so now, because can we just imagine the perfectly ordered, utter chaos that would be Kaz Brekker and Locke Lamora working together on a Plan? Literally no one would be safe

Let’s take a closer look shall we?

The Lies of Locke Lamora: “I’ve got kids that enjoy stealing. I’ve got kids that don’t think about stealing one way or the other, and I’ve got kids that just tolerate stealing because they know they’ve got nothing else to do. But nobody–and I mean nobody–has ever been hungry for it like this boy. If he had a bloody gash across his throat and a physiker was trying to sew it up, Lamora would steal the needle and thread and die laughing. He…steals too much.”

“Gods, I love this place,“ Locke said, drumming his fingers against his thighs. "Sometimes I think this whole city was put here simply because the gods must adore crime. Pickpockets rob the common folk, merchants rob anyone they can dupe, Capa Barsavi robs the robbers and the common folk, the lesser nobles rob nearly everyone, and Duke Nicovante occasionally runs off with his army and robs the shit out of Tal Verarr or Jerem, not to mention what he does to his own nobles and his common folk.”

“I don’t need to be reminded that we’re up to our heads in dark water. I just want you boys to remember that we’re the gods-damned sharks.”

"My disinterest in your bullshit is so tangible you could make bricks out of it.”

“What kind of knife is this?” Locke held a rounded buttering utensil up for Chains’ inspection. “It’s all wrong. You couldn’t kill anyone with this.“

Like seriously if you want another loveable, murderous asshole to adore, Locke Lamora is your boy

Other things Locke has done:
- Planned to spend an entire morning being strangled
- Told one of the most powerful wizards in existence that he is an asshole and insulted his bird
- Got beaten to a pulp because he’s terrible at fighting but laughed the whole time until his bestie showed up to save the day
- Stole a necklace from the neck of the governor’s mistress while she was sleeping in the governor’s bed (with the governor)
- Has literally tried to die for his friends
- Is also emotionally constipated over a girl who could stab you and you would thank her


Please read this series
4

REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD READ THE GENTLEMAN BASTARDS SERIES/SEQUENCE WHATEVER THE FUCK IT’S CALLED

  • AWESOME STORY TELLING
  • AMAZING CHARACTERS
  • HUMOR
  • EMOTIONS
  • PAIN AND SUFFERING
  • SUSPENSE AND ADVENTURE
  • A REMARKABLE AMOUNT OF THE USE OF THE WORD ‘FART’
  • INSULTS GALORE
  • IT’S LIKE WHITE COLLAR BUT WITHOUT THE FBI-LEASH.  BUT ON A FOREIGN PLANET.  THAT HAS THREE MOONS.  AND WAS ONCE INHABITED BY OTHER CREATURES THAT MADE STUFF OUT OF SOME SORT OF GLASS THAT CANNOT BE MANIPULATED BY HUMANS.
  • PIRATES
  • THIEVES AND GANGS
  • AN ITALIAN LIKE ATMOSPHERE BUT ALSO SORT OF LATE 18TH CENTURY VIBES
  • ALCHEMY AND MAGIC
  • LOCKE LAMORA IS AN ARROGANT SHITHEAD BUT YOU LOVE HIM ANYWAY.  
  • JEAN MOTHERFUCKING TANNEN
  • KICKASS CHARACTERS.
  • STRONG ASS WOMEN WHO ARE UNBREAKABLE
  • SORCERERS WHO ARE SHITBUCKETS AND PLAY CAT’S CRADLE
  • SERIOSULY JUST FUCKING READ IT

Edit: So I made this post back while reading RSURS and saved a draft and decided, mmm yeah I’m gonna post it

“Someday, Locke Lamora,” he said, “someday, you’re going to fuck up so magnificently, so ambitiously, so overwhelmingly that the sky will light up and the moons will spin and the gods themselves will shit comets with glee. And I just hope I’m still around to see it.”
“Oh please,” said Locke. “It’ll never happen.”

Scott Lynch