i just want to grab every novelist and movie maker by the ears and screech no, exactly the same characters, just make them women into their face until they see reason

i want the farm girl with a destiny who rescues a prince who turns out to be her brother and loses a hand to the arch villain, who nobody mentioned was her mother

i want the smart-ass conwoman and her handpicked team of awesome ladies - the sisters, the new kid, the big one with a temper - who pines over that one guy who broke her heart whenever she’s not fast-talking her way out of a situation she accidentally got herself into

i want the heiress who fronts as a dumb and ditzy flirt and beats the crap out of super-powered villains at night, haunted by the memory of her dead parents and the wide eyed girls who donned tights and went out with her and didn’t come back - and the grinning madwoman who meets her head on time and time again

i want the disabled daughter of an imperial house who buys a ship on a whim on the way to her grandmothers and bluffs her way into a major command position and then has to explain to her mum, the prime minister, and her as-good-as-a-sister the empress, why she accidentally committed treason

i want the arrogant and goofy young woman who was abducted from her home planet as a child being forced to team up with a heavily scarred woman seeking vengeance for her murdered husband and son, a tree princess, an illegal experiment who named herself after her favourite kind of weapon, and the devastatingly handsome adopted son of the most feared woman in the galaxy (and we get lingering camera pans over his thighs and butt every time he changes costume, which is like four times in the movie, and at one point the heroine saves his life and then straddles him in a corridor for no apparent reason)

like just make them women it’s not hard


1. Classic example of Scott’s amusing commentary on reblogs

2. The Jean/Locke Shipping Question:

3. The Zamira Drakasha Smackdown:…

4. On Queer Representation:


An animated title sequence for an imaginary TV adaptation of The Gentleman Bastard Sequence by Scott Lynch, called The Gentlemen Bastards; first season of which would comprise the events of The Lies of Locke Lamora.

HD recommended.

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“I only steal because my dear old family needs the money to live!”

Locke Lamora made this proclamation with his wine glass held high; he and the other Gentleman Bastards were seated at the old witchwood table… . The others began to jeer.

"Liar!" they chorused

"I only steal because this wicked world won’t let me work an honest trade!" Calo cried, hoisting his own glass.


"I only steal," said Jean, "because I’ve temporarily fallen in with bad company."


At last the ritual came to Bug; the boy raised his glass a bit shakily and yelled, “I only steal because it’s heaps of fucking fun!”

                                ― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

So here’s that book I’ve been reading lately that’s awfully good and that I won’t shut up about. The Gentleman Bastards is a small group of thieves working in the fictional city of Camorr (which looks somewhat like Venice). They’re basically con-artists: they steal from the rich, don’t give to the poor and have a load of fun until someone comes to break the party.

You can read the first pages here and I hope you will because I plan on converting you all into fans.