lie lie liar

Talk about a distraction!

Context:  The party happened on a bunch of racist townsfolk beating up on a teenager. Rather than rushing headlong into a fight, their druid created a distraction by setting a small tree on fire. The townspeople all turned to the tree to investigate.

DM:  Fen, you’re up.

Fen the Ranger:  Uh, okay. I wanna take advantage of the distraction, so I step out of my hiding place, gesture at the tree, and say, “Oh, shit, guys, sorry! I’m so bad at camping! Can you help me put this out?”

[ The rest of the party laughs. ]

DM:  Roll a bluff check.

Fen:  My bluff is terrible!  That’s a three.

DM:  The townsfolk look at you, look at the tree, and look at you again. “You idiot!” one of them says. “How’d you even manage to set a tree on fire?!” And then, they whip out their waterskins to try and put it out.

Fen:  [ over the party’s laughter ] I want to mimic them but without wasting any of my water.

Kirahee the Rogue:  Did the townspeople roll a natural one or what?

DM:  They rolled a two.

[ After the party rescued the teenager and cut down the townsfolk, they unanimously decided that Fen won the day. ]

You’re not worth the tears I shed over you.

BBC Complaints Dept: “There’s absolutely no way at all whatsoever that there is a romance at all whatsoever between John and Sherlock, even though many of you never complained about this at all.”

BBC Media: *releases scripts a week later for Sherlock S1*

Us: 

Steve Norman

context: im a DM and my players are part of a secret organization. For their first mission they were instructed to use aliases.

me(as npc): So whats your name stranger?
paladin: er… um… Norman.
me (ooc): pfft, norman?? like normal man???
paladin: yeah. Steve Norman.
me: ok shit… roll deception?
*rolls a 4*
me: yeah no. she is very skeptical. (in character) Norman. Steve Norman huh? is that really your name?
paladin: um no.. no… i tell her a different name-
barbarian (barging in): EYY STEVE HOWS IT GOIN
paladin: can dragonborns sweat? if so I’m sweating profusely.