The boy with the cute laugh.
You never knew love had a sound, until you heard his laugh.
He will be the only person who can make your heart beat faster than light, and make it stop simultaneously. The only person who can make you smile in times of sadness. The only person that can make you uncontrollably angry, and completely in love.
The only time you won’t feel dead, is when you’re kissing him.
The high you get from loving him will be better than any drug you’ve ever tried.
You’ll promise yourself you will never fall in love but soon it will be January 15th, 3 in the afternoon, you’ll be laughing way too hard, you’ll feel happy for the first time in a long time, and that’s when you’ll know you’re screwed.
You will be the book he opens, but never bothers to read.

He will go out of his way to get inside your head.
He will make you believe he is serious.
He will make you feel like the only girl in the world.
He will dance to a Romeo Santos song with you, and kiss you to Prince Royce.
He will have you under his spell before you know it.
He will say the sweetest things.
He will tell you you’re beautiful,
You’re perfect.
He will ask if you love him,
Call you his & seal it with a kiss.
You will see him cry, and it will break your heart.
You will hold him,
You will spend money on him,
Anything to make him feel whole.
Anything to prove your love for him. No matter how many people try to warn you, and tell you he’s no good,
you will be willing to leave behind everyone and anyone, you will give him the power to take your heart and shatter it into a million pieces, just for those 3 seconds of being held by him.
Just for the feeling of his skin against yours.
For the galaxies you feel in your stomach when you touch lips.

His lips that always taste like cigarettes because he says on his way home from school he smokes and God you hate the taste but he just makes you happy you put up with it.
Whenever he tells you you’re beautiful your stomach flutters.
You fall harder and harder everytime you’re together until one day he comes home and gives you a kiss that tastes like cigarettes and cherry lip balm,
and you realize you don’t own cherry lip balm
and now you don’t know if you really smokes either.
And in that moment you wonder how many secrets he can keep.

You convince yourself it’s real.
The two of you are real.
And everything he says he means.
And you just have to try alittle harder to prove how much you want him.
But when he climbs into bed with a hickey on his neck, you can’t help but ask yourself if you gave him that one.
And it’s not til then you realize he only misses your voice when nobody else calls him.

It’s then you realize
And understand
Why hurricanes are named after people.
Because he is a raging storm,
That came in and swept away your brain.
But to lay next to him feels like cloudless skies.
He’s a gentle summer breeze,
Kissing the pavement with his warmth.
So you let him in of course,
And partly cloudy you soon became.
Until there was no more sun
and you were only clouds and heavy rain.
Hurricane is not a big enough word to describe how he hit.
He fled through your veins,
Left a mess,
And then moved to destroy the next.

It’s not until you’re homesick for arms that don’t want to hold you that you realize you go to extreme lengths to believe the best about someone you truly like.

It surprises you how infatuated you were with him, you completely ignored how horribly he treated you.
How you gave him everything you had,
And he half heartedly offered you what was left of his “damaged” heart.
And even though he’s torn you to shreds,
You can’t help but ache for his love.
You can’t help but think “God I wanna be loved by him.”
You meant nothing to him, but he meant the world to you.
And now you can’t help but think,
He’s just a stranger with prints of your lips all over his body.

You won’t talk to him for days, but not a minute will go by when you don’t think “I never should’ve told him how I felt”.
The love you & him shared died a painful death,
And it’s ghosts continues to haunt you.
The love you & him shared was such a strange kind,
Because Even though he “marked his territory” all over your neck and chest,
And in spite of the fact that the song you danced Bachata to with him was titled “I’m yours”:
You were his, and he was not yours.
You only wanted to be with him,
But he wanted to be with everyone else.

How dare he have called you perfect? When you weren’t even good enough to get him to stay.
How dare you have defended him all along?
When he turned out to be exactly what everyone said.
How dare he make you feel guilty? When you did absolutely nothing wrong.
He never apologized for hurting you,
But you apologized 12 times for being angry about it.
Don’t say sorry this time.
He treated you like shit.
And you let him.
Fuck him.
Fuck him for leaving,
For lying.
Fuck him for being so confusing,
For making you sad.
Fuck him for making you think you meant something to him.
Fuck him.
Fuck him.
He knew what he was doing all along. He knew it would hurt you but somehow that didn’t stop him.
He is the only person that can tell so many lies and never feel bad about it.
He is the only person that can act like you meant something to him but treat everyone else the exact same way he’s treating you.
He is the only person that can have you convinced you’re special,
Then prove to you why you aren’t, why you never have been, and why you never will.

Because when he turns around with another girl under his arm,
Just a few days after he calls it quits,
And looks you dead in the eye and says nothing,
Not even a “hi”,
It will be as if all the time you spent together,
The time you spent loving him,
Wasn’t important.
As if that love bite,
Still so fresh on your chest,
Meant nothing.
As if his wandering hands,
You’re unclipped bra,
The shared giggles underneath the sheets,
Never happened.

And it’s not your fault for hoping he chokes on every lie he ever told you.
It’s not your fault for still feeling some type of way whenever you think about him.
But make sure he knows,
That he can’t come back after he left so fucking easily.
He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve any of your trust.
He told you he wasn’t like the rest,
That he would never break your heart,
But he did.
You just wanted someone to get close to and he showed you you can’t do that.

It’s not your fault for thinking things would be different this time,
for spending your restless nights dreaming of his hands intertwined with yours,
the sweet smell of his cologne embracing you,
and the taste of his sinful lips pressed against every inch of your broken body.
It’s not your fault for thinking you could save him,
He just doesn’t care enough to be saved.
And although you dream one day you’ll still be able to call him yours,
He is the only one who can save himself.

You’ve always preferred rainfall over sunshine,
Maybe that explains why you chose him over everyone else.
And even though you’re choking on his absence,
It’s better than chewing on his lies.
Don’t feel guilty for maybe hoping for that drunk text from him,
Saying how much he misses you.
It’s not because you miss him,
It’s because you hope he regrets letting something,
so priceless,
Go.
And if he does ever come around,
Claiming he misses you,
Shrug it off & say
“I’d miss my ass too”.
Because you were art long before he came to admire you,
And you’ll continue to be art when he’s out poisoning other girls.
If you catch yourself being sad,
Snap out of it.
You shouldn’t be sad.
After all,
You lost someone who didn’t love you,
But he lost someone who loved him.

When you hear the laugh,
The laugh that makes you remember why you forgave him,
time after time,
for breaking your heart-
try not to smile.
Because after all,
One day you won’t be able to remember the tempting color of his eyes,
The taste of his lips,
That song he kissed you to.
You won’t remember the cold you were exposed to that had nothing to do with temperature,
And you won’t remember the laugh that once made your bones dance.
I’m still looking forward to that day.

—  THE BOY WITH THE CUTE LAUGH (February 16th, 2015)