This is a place where I don’t feel alone / This is a place where I
feel at home
Harry saw you sitting on your balcony from his
own balcony just one flat over. You were sipping on a drink that was coffee
colored with chocolate syrup swirling around the plastic cup. Your sunglasses
were perched on the top of your head and you had music playing low from a small
speaker. You were reading–so absorbed in your book and Harry had never fallen
so hard for a girl just looking at her. And yeah, Harry was a romantic…but he
wouldn’t believe in love at first sight unless he experienced it himself. Maybe
it wasn’t even love…yet…but it was something he’d never felt before and he
never wanted the feeling to go away.
Your feet were crossed at the ankles as you
sipped on an iced coffee in the lounge chair. He liked how your hair fell and
how you seemed so gentle and at peace with the world. He doesn’t remember you
moving in. He would have remembered eyes like yours and a smile like that. He
liked that you were there. But he doesn’t know when your smile graced the
“Hi, Kitten,” he said gently. You looked up
and your eyes widened and you lips fell into a shy smile. Your cheeks turned
red at his pet name for you and you stood up and walked to your side of the
“Are you actually Harry Styles?” You
He smiled. “Yes. The one and only,” he told
you leaning over his balcony a bit to look at you. He liked how soft and gentle
you looked. He saw pain in your eyes, deep back there. But it was deep now.
Like you recently got rid of it, but it was always there haunting you. He wanted
to know what it was more than he ever wanted to know anything.
“I live next door to Harry Styles,” you
giggled excitedly shaking your head in disbelief. You didn’t know Harry was
seeing you–the real you, the one that you hid from everyone else.
you do,” he answered. “And I live next door to the most beautiful girl I’ve
ever seen,” he said sweetly. You blushed. He smiled at you with a cheery
expression. He was so lame it was incredible you fell for it. He regretted the
words instantly because why on earth would you fall for
such a cheesy line? But
you did and you giggled delightedly and blushed so madly it made Harry’s heart
tumble in love with you. “Can I get you a snack?” He asked. You blushed and
Yes. Yes. YES. “Oh, I’m good,” you said gently. Your heart pounded and you
wanted to say yes, but clinging to Harry Styles the day you meet him sounds
like the last thing he’d ever want. He was a bit hurt, because he wanted to get
to know his neighbor. He could finally get a cat then and not worry about it
dying while he was away if you were kind enough to watch him. And you were
really, really cute. “I had a nice little breakfast earlier,” which was also
true. “And I have to get work to soon…” Also true.
pouted, but it was short-lived. “Maybe tomorrow?” Harry wondered with a sweet
smile. You blinked in surprise. He actually wanted to hang out with you? Like
for real. He wasn’t just asking out of politeness. He didn’t see that you were
dying to hang out with him. He wanted to hang out. With you.
Your heart bounced into your chest at thought
of spending even another minute with Harry. “Yeah,” you nodded a grin
stretching across your face. “I’d really like that.”
Harry was brave enough to hop over to your
balcony and he knocked on your patio slider with a sweet, gentle smile. He was
so excited to go out with you. It had only been a day and he was already aching
to see you again. You leaned against the door frame and cocked your head to one
side. “I have a door,” you told him knowingly.
“That’s too conventional,” he shrugged and
leaned in toward you to sweep his lips against your cheek. You were sure every
part of your body blushed. He paid no attention to it if he noticed. “Have a
nice day, kitten?” He asked.
You smiled. “Yeah,” you said gently. “You?”
“It was terribly boring without you,” he said
knowingly. You giggled and shook your head at him.
“You’re crazy,” you told him. But so were you.
Crazy about Harry. And if he was the slightest bit crazy about you, you
wouldn’t question anything about the situation. (Except you definitely thought
Harry needed glasses.)
He grinned gently at your little breathy
giggle. He took it as a victory getting you to laugh. “So where do you work?”
He questioned as you gesture for him to come inside. He admired your
decorations, it was like walking into a beach cottage. “Are you a mermaid?” He
“Yes,” you grinned. “I own a cute little
children’s clothing store,” you began. “It’s cute in the mall and
whatnot….and no. Not a mermaid. Just…can take the girl from the beach but
can’t take the beach out of the girl…kinda thing,” you said lamely and
scuffed your foot on the floor.
His eyes lit up at the thought of children.
With you. On a beach in little tiny bathing suit-clad children that would have
your hair and laugh as they clumsily followed him to the water like little
ducklings. He had just met you, he was insane, but if you liked being with
children enough to open a store all for them, he assumed, in the most
human-to-human kind of way, you were probably delightful to children.
“Sweet,” he smiled gently. He didn’t want to
let on that he was mad over you moments after knowing two things about
you–three if he was to count how. gorgeous. you. were.
You grinned gently. “And what do you do?”
You giggled twisting your hands behind your back. You were nervous. And you
didn’t know what to do with your hands.
He chuckled and stuffed his hands in his
pockets because when he was nervous, he was a lot clumsier and he didn’t want
to break any decorations you had so neatly spread about the house. “I sing
a bit,” he said flirtily.
“Indie?” You asked as you nibbled on your lip.
You didn’t flirt well, obviously having this conversation was a struggle.
He snorted at your cute little joke. “No,
pop,” he answered.
“Really you wouldn’t strike me as a popstar,”
you said knowingly. “Hair is too long,” you shrugged. You weren’t a fan of
guys having hair as long as yours. But Harry Styles was no ordinary boy and he
certainly could pull it off.
was literally willing to cut it off for you if you asked. “My name is Hair-y, I have to have a lot of hair,” he shrugged.
You laughed and sighed and looked at the floor a moment before glancing up at
him. Harry’s gaze hadn’t moved from your eyes and you thought your skin was on
fire. “Well,” he cleared his raspy voice. “Should we go?” He wondered.
You bit your lip and smiled shyly at
him. “Are you sure you wanna go out with me?” You asked softly as you
looked at the floor in embarrassment. “There’s probably a million other girls
or so that–”
“Of course, my darling,” he whispered and
tipped your chin up and tilted his head at you as you blushed shyly
again. “I want to show you off to the world,” he told you quietly.
You smirked and nodded. “Thank you,
Harry,” you whispered.
“KITTEN WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT I BOUGHT!” He
shouted from your patio. You rolled your eyes at your three month neighbor and
boyfriend. “Look! Look! Look!” He bounced with excitement as he placed a
box on the floor and it started moving. You slammed your body against the door.
“HARRY STYLES,” you growled.
“Relax!” He held his hand up and knelt down to
the box. “Look,” he smiled softly and lifted the box. A tiny little white
kitten with black patches hopped out of the box and walked over to you and
brushed up against your ankles.
“Oh goodness, look at you, my sweet little
kitten,” you said and scooped him up. You placed him in your arms and held him
close to your chest. He purred. “What’s your name?” You asked and kissed the
top of her tiny little head.
“His name is Ace,” Harry said.
“Oh Harry, he’s adorable,” you cooed. Harry
“So you like him?”
“I love him,” you said sweetly and cuddled the
soft ball of fur. Ace meowed and nuzzled his little nose against your
jaw. “HARRY HE’S SO CUTE,” you cried.
He laughed. “Well, he’s going to keep you
company while I’m away.”
“Of course,” you nodded vigorously.
Harry grinned brightly. These were three best
months of his life. He was so happy and he was so gone for you. At first it was
your beauty, then it was your love of children, books and coffee. And now it
was everything that you were. You were there for him whenever he needed, either
in person, on the phone, just existing, he knew you were there for him. He had
never felt so good to be at home in his flat and know he wasn’t alone. He
realized that he hadn’t felt that way since he lived at home with his mum and
Gemma before One Direction got their break. He was home.
You were so kind. At first he thought you were
sweet and then you…you did things that made people’s days. You bought them
coffee when they were struggling to find a card that worked. You would talk to
little kids in line for ice cream asking about their days and plans when it
took too long for them to get their summer treat. Sometimes you held doors open
for tens of people because there wasn’t a break in the flow of people entering.
He’d never met anyone like you and he never wanted to let you out of his sight.
“I’m glad you like him,” Harry said as the
kitten purred into your chest. “He already loves you,” he said
quietly. “A lot,” he mumbled afterwards.
You blushed and looked at Harry with a
grin. “Well, I love him a lot too,” you said with a wink and set the
fluffy baby on the floor and watched him crawl around.
Harry loved that he had to hardly ever worry
about you leaving for the night. You were literally right next door. You told
him flat out you would not move in with him for quite some time…but it didn’t
matter. Because you still lived in both apartments right next door to one
another you may as well have knocked the wall down in between you fluttered
back and forth so quickly.
Harry and you were twined together on his bed
eight months later from the day he met you. Ace was sleeping in his little bed
in the living room. He held your hands rubbing his fingers along your hands and
peppered your skin with kisses on your hairline. “I love you,” he
breathed. You giggled as his lips tickled your skin. You loved him so much and
he was so cute and gentle.
“I love you too,” you whispered back. It was
like it was a secret between the two of you. In reality, it was anything but.
He nuzzled your neck. “I’m never letting
you go,” he promised with a yawn.
After a few moments of silence you had to
break it because your sleep deprived mind remembered something. “Harry,”
“Hmmm…?” He hummed as his body wrapped
around you tightly.
“If you were a giant, everyone would be scared
of you because you’d be a klutzy giant,” you giggled.
He started tickling you causing you to squeal
for several moments and then he held you close. “Silly,” he mumbled
sleepily as you slowly caught your breath and then drifted to sleep in his
giant embrace–small giggles escaping your lips every few moments.
Right after your one year mark Harry went on
tour. You swore to Harry you would never disbelieve him. You knew his life was
stressful and complicated and the last thing he needed was extra stress because
you couldn’t trust him.
“I know you don’t trust easily,” he said one
of the last few days he was home. He was pretty sure you still didn’t trust him
completely–which was fine, he just had to be extra careful to keep breaking
down your trust walls. You cupped his face and nodded.
“Nope, not at all,” you whispered
quietly. “How did you know that?” You wondered curiously. “No one’s
ever noticed that.”
“I can see it in your eyes,” he swiped his
thumbs beneath your eyes. “It’s deep in there,” he mumbled.
You blushed a bit and avoided his eyes a
moment and then looked back up at him your eyebrows cinched in confusion. “It’s
different with you,” you answered. “You know?”
“I’m glad…” he trailed off and left a long
kiss on your forehead. “You should trust at least one person in life,” he
“I suppose Prince Harry Styles is probably the
best person I could trust,” you smiled gently and nuzzled into his collarbone
“Yeah?” He mumbled. “You think?” He
“I’ve not had reason to distrust you, sweet
love,” You kissed his lips softly.
He grinned gently gazing at you. He would help
you trust. Especially him.
“You okay?” He asked. It was bed time where he
was and morning where you were.
You yawned. “Mm…just early,” you said
softly. “I sleep better with you in bed,” you said cutely. “Hello,
sweet kitty,” you cooed. “Do you miss Har-bear?” You asked sweetly and
nuzzled the kitten into your chest. “Me too,” you murmured.
Harry smiled gently. “I know the
shook your head and took a deep breath. “Don’t worry about it,” you said
simply. Frankly you were concerned. But you decided to trust Harry. You had
to. And you know, as awful as it sounded, you figured if Harry couldn’t be
trusted you would know for good you can’t trust anyone.
But you wanted to trust Harry. He was such a
lovely person and you were thrilled he let you in his chaotic life. If
anything, he should have been hesitant to trust you. He had mentioned casually
that sometimes he had the hardest time figuring out who was okay to
trust. “You’re easy,” he said simply. “I mean this in the nicest way,
people that have a really hard time trusting are so easy to trust because they
hate not trusting,” he explained.
You had never thought about it like that; he
was completely right. You knew you were trustworthy and yeah, he could trust
you. You knew what it was like to be let down constantly.
Harry didn’t hear you say “don’t worry,” in a simple manner. He heard it
sharply. Like you were angry. His heart skipped a beat in nervousness. Shit.
“Um…it’s not a big–”
“Really, love, don’t worry about it,”
you shrugged again casually.
But Harry didn’t hear casual.
“You know I would never cheat or…like–”
“Harry, what’s wrong? I said it was okay, it’s not a big deal,” you said gently. He breathed out in relief for now but he felt like you were still angry. Maybe you were annoyed with his incessant questioning and you didn’t want to talk about it. He thought.
“Nothing, I just…I miss you. A lot. I miss being home. It’s lonely here.”
“You have the boys,” you reminded him.
“They don’t kiss like you do,” he joked.
You laughed, loudly. He grinned brightly and you snuggled into the kitten. “Well, I suppose that’s true…”
“I mean…Liam’s close, but he’s also really in love with his girlfriend…so it detracts a bit from the passion,” he continued.
You giggled some more. “Don’t you hate when girlfriends do that?”
“No,” he said simply. “No not at all. I love my girlfriend with all my heart,” he whispered quietly. “And I miss being home with her. All the time. I miss being less alone.”
“Soon my love,” you smiled sweetly. “I love you, too. And I miss your presence and the sense of home when you’re not here,” you told him. “Good night, my love. You’ll be home soon.”
He sighed. He loved the sound of that.
He wanted to be home. Now. He was cold and
alone in the hotel bed and he wanted to be in your bed…his couch, the bathtub. He really didn’t care. He would go anywhere as
long as you were there spooning him either as the little one or the big one. He
didn’t care. He needed you. He needed to know it wasn’t too late.
The magazine was convincing. It wasn’t his complete fault. He should have been more aware. He had no clue that she would do that. He was so upset and he was even
more worried you’d already seen it. He was alone looking at the article online. He felt so alone. The boys promised him it would be okay. But he wasn’t so sure. He was still so scared. The phone rang for forever and ever as Harry chewed
on his thumb nail, tapping his foot impatiently.
“Listen, I need you to do me a favor and not
go on the Internet,” he said quickly. “I know how insane that is…but–”
“Harry…” you said. “I can’t….we…breaking
up,” you murmured.
His phone slipped from
his grip and landed with a small thud on the carpet. He fell to his knees soon after and he felt like he was going to throw up. Maybe he was being a bit dramatic but he was so upset. Not only because he lost his Earth angel, but because he probably ruined your trust. He ruined your trust for anyone you would kindly let into your heart ever again.
He slid the call to end. He started crying hysterically. His body felt so tiny and broken. His stomach ached. Everything started to feel broken–especially his heart. He messed up. Without meaning to, he ruined everything. Crawling to bed, he snuggled into one of your pillows he brought with him sniffing the pillow as he cried.
Meanwhile you stared curiously at your phone. You bit your lip. You were driving home for the store which means you had to drive through the tunnel. Which meant you weren’t getting proper service. You figured you would call Harry later.
You arrived home, kicking your shoes off and setting your jacket on the coat rack. Ace came over and rubbed his side up against your shin. “Hi, baby,” you cooed and snuggled the baby. He purred. You were so thankful Harry got the two of you a kitten. You adored him and it did help make the time and distance from Harry a hundred times easier.
Your phone rang again. It was Louis. “You have to come out,” he said.
“Harry!” You heard Liam call through the receiver.
“Why? What’s wrong?” You asked running to your room shoving clothes into a duffle bag. “Is he okay?”
“He won’t let us in. He’s hiding in the bathroom,” Louis tells you. “Babe, I don’t even know why or how long he’s been in there, but he keeps saying your gone. His phone is out here, we can’t–”
“Book me a flight, I’m going to cancel some stuff and shift things around. Can your girlfriend watch the cat?” You asked.
“I’ll text her when I’m done with the flight,” he said quickly. You should have called him back immediately. You had no idea what was wrong or why it was happening all of a sudden. But you were partially happy you’d get to see your sweet Har-Bear in a few hours.
Harry woke up with his head on the tile floor of the bathroom. His head ached so badly and he groaned softly. He peered out the bathroom and saw the boys were spread about outside the door. He frowned. Harry did feel bad he made them so worried. But he was still so distraught and sad.
He wanted to go home…but now he wasn’t sure if that was the best idea. You probably hated him. And he couldn’t stand the thought of seeing hate in your pure, perfect good eyes.
He sat down on his bed and held your pillow to his chest. He let a few silent sobs shake through his body. And then there was a knock on the door. He didn’t want to answer it. So he just laid there. “Harry?” You whispered softly into the wood.
His heart almost broke. He dashed to the door quickly and flung the door away from the entry. He melted to the floor again and buried his face into your legs. “I’m so sorry,” he cried.
“Sorry for what? Har-bear, what’s wrong?” You asked sinking to the floor and cupping his face. “Louis called me and said you were locked in the bathroom. C’mere,” you said and tugged him a few doors down to the room you checked into. You put a tea kettle on the stove and then you sat on Harry’s thighs and sprinkled kisses along his neck. His heart was bursting.
“I thought you wanted to break up,” he sniffled.
“Where on earth would you get a crazy idea like that?” You asked.
“You said it!” He croaked and snuggled into your neck. You thought for a moment.
“Oh, Harry, no, I’m so sorry. No. I should have called back. I said ‘we’re breaking up,” like cell phone service. Oh my God, you poor, poor love,” you swiped his tears away. He tucked his head beneath your chin and sobbed some more. You rubbed his back and fiddled with his curls.
“But you were upset the other day,” he grumbled.
“No I wasn’t…” you trailed off. “Harry why would I be upset?” You asked.
“About the articles, the rumors, the paps, fans, everything that I am,” he sniveled. You laid him down and looked deeply into his eyes. And now you saw it. You saw the distrust there. Harry had a lot of great people in his life, but he had never felt like he belonged.
“Harry, I love you so much and I trust you. The rumors and the fans and all that means nothing to me as long as you swear you’ll always tell me the truth, no matter how much it hurts and then we’ll work it out. I’m not giving up on us, alright?” You said rubbing the nape of his neck. He looked like he’d been crying for hours. You felt so bad. You wished you made the effort to call him back quickly. Your poor little cupcake was so upset.
“Why don’t we tell the boys you’re alright and then we’ll take a bath, okay?” He sniffled again and nodded.
You rubbed his feet as you laid across from him and gazed into his eyes. “Do you feel better?” You wondered.
He nodded. “Did you see the articles?” He questioned.
“No, babe, and I don’t care. Because I never want to see you look so sad and broken like that again. You are a wonderful person who couldn’t hurt a fly. I love you more than I could ever explain. And I think you’ve broken down all those walls,” you told him. “I trust you completely and I trust that if something does happen…we’ll be able to work it out.”
He shifted a bit, his tall frame sloshing the water around and over the side of the tub a bit. He straddled your body which caused you to flush at all the skin contact. You loved him–every part of him. He held you face in his hands and rubbed his thumbs against your cheeks as he took hold of your stare and refused to let go. “Nothing will happen,” he whispered. His eyes were so sure and bright. His voice was slow and smooth. His hair slicked back so you could see ever inch of his perfect face was making a solemn promise to you–he would never hurt you.
“I know,” you smiled gently and slid your lips against his. “I love you, Harry Styles…maybe…we need to work on you trusting me?” You suggested gently.
He frowned and looked down at your hands as they lightly traced his sparrows. “I do trust you, kitten.”
“I know,” you nodded easily and pecked his nose. “Do you know that I’m a very patient persona and I’m willing to talk to you about anything, no matter how personal, how…heartbreaking or…it might make me upset, but I’ll appreciate that you’re telling the whole truth and trying to make it work,” you vowed.
He stared at you and Harry, the cute little thing he is, leaned forward and fluttered his long, soft eyelashes next to yours. You giggled and he chuckled back and soon you were both kissing and giggling too much causing the water to slip out of the tub and you threaded your fingers in his long damp locks. “I love you, Harry,” you promised.
“I love you too, my sweet kitten,” he whispered gently.
And that’s when Harry realized that he didn’t need to go home to feel less alone. He just needed you. You were home. You made him not alone. He loved you. Tons.
And he was lucky and humbled that you loved him just as much and he would never feel alone if it was the two of you.
And probably Ace.