Some Issues With Asexuality in Fanfic

Note before I begin: asexuality is a fluid spectrum that includes grey-ace and demisexual folks. This is also not a post about aromanticism – honestly, that deserves its own post, and possibly from someone more qualified to comment. Asexual people have a lot of different experiences with and feelings about sex. What follows is how I feel about how asexuality has been represented in the fics I have read based on my own experience of my asexuality. Your thoughts and experiences will, probably, vary a great deal.

Also, other issues of representation - including the dearth of ace fics including female aces, aces of colour, trans* aces… basically aces who aren’t white cis men - are extremely important and I couldn’t even attempt to do them justice here. I will attempt to address them at a later date, but as a white, cis woman I’m not sure I could talk about them properly. If anyone would like to try - or to talk to me about these issues so I can make a more educated attempt, that would be amazing.

This has been a PSA.

*

Open up a fanfiction, one of those rare breeds that has an asexual character.

Meet Character A. Let’s call them Sam.

Meet Character B. Let’s call them Jo.

Sam is asexual. Sam doesn’t experience sexual attraction. Sam doesn’t want to have sex. However, Sam is a romantic person who enjoys physical closeness.

Jo is a sexual person. Jo experiences sexual attraction towards some people, and Jo enjoys sex. Jo wants to have a close, romantic relationship, and to Jo that involves sex.

Sam and Jo meet. Sam experiences romantic feelings for Jo. Sam wants to be close to Jo, emotionally and in a physical, non-sexual way.

Jo experiences romantic and sexual feelings for Sam. Jo wants to be close to Sam, emotionally, and in a physical, non-sexual way. Jo also really wants to have sex with Sam.

What happens now, in 90% (not a scientific statistic) of fics I have read, is that sooner or later Sam and Jo will end up in bed together. Sam will realise that sex is important to Joe. So Sam, because they love Jo just that much, will go about bringing Jo sexual pleasure, and Sam will enjoy doing this because Jo is enjoying it.

Then they will cuddle and everything will be fine.

Cut to me, clicking out of the fic, feeling utterly dispirited. I thought that maybe this time the fic wouldn’t fall into the narrative that romantic relationships must, in some way, include sex in order to be legitimate. That the asexual character wasn’t required, in some way, to compromise on their identity.

Often in the fic they aren’t doing this, by the way. In fics as written, the asexual character is totally happy with this arrangement. In real life, many asexuals are in sexual relationships and they are happy and fulfilled - some asexuals, whilst they don’t experience sexual attraction, do have libidos and can experience sexual desire. The problem isn’t with this narrative by itself. The problem is when this is the dominant representation of asexual relationships in fandom.

Keep reading

Man one big thing that bothers me the most about the LGBTQIA+ youth of today is how little we know about HIV/AIDS. This is a huge part of our history, and something that is on going. It’s not a thing of the past. It still effects our community greatly and we need to be knowledgable about it so we can do our best to eliminate it. We need to read up on our history, as well as read up on the disease itself and how to prevent it.

So here’s some reading material to get you started:

History of the LGBTQIA+ community and HIV/AIDS:

http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/hrc-issue-brief-hiv-aids-and-the-lgbt-community

http://www.avert.org/history-hiv-aids-usa.htm

https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/aids-timeline/

Signs and Symptoms of HIV/AIDS:

https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/signs-and-symptoms/

HIV/AIDS Prevention:

http://www.avert.org/hiv-prevention.htm

But seriously, do your own research too. Ignorance is not bliss in this situation, ignorance is the chance that you will end up being victim to HIV. Even if you aren’t a part of the LGBTQIA+ community this is still something you should read.

On the School Bus:

So this smallish sixth grade boy (i’m in 9th grade. ouo) was told by the driver to sit in my seat on the ride home from school. Note: i’d never met this kid in my life…

so, He was talking with his other friends, doing those jokey-kid things like “you have to answer my question with yes or no” then asking questions about random things and laughing at the outcomes because they alwasys seemed embarrasing for kids to have to answer. 

Well, he got to a question about lesbian/gay people: “Do your parents know you’re gay/lesbian??” (depending on the person’s gender) he asked the kids in surrounding seats. They all either said yes or no then hurriedly shook their head, some saying “NO no!! I’m not, I swear!”

he commonly replied with, “OH YOU FAG!!!! HAHAH!”

and then he turned around and asked me, and instead of replying, I said, “Why is being gay or lesbian an insult?”

and he replied, “because… that means you like guys! or a girl likes girls!!! Ew!!! People like that are sick. my parents told me.”

then i asked him, “do you agree with them? what if two boys really, really love each other?”

he stared at me like I was nuts. “when a girl and a boy love each other, it’s not considered ‘sick’,” I said, trying to reason.

he looked at me in an inquisitive way, then answered, “But.. my parents also told me that in the Bible, it says that being gay is wrong. So —”

i interuppted, “what if there was no religion? just love, and whoever fell in love fell in love. Would you still think it was gross for two people of the same gender to like each other that way?”

he didn’t answer, but I didn’t pressure him. He stopped asking kids questions to the other kids, but asked me about five minutes later, “what about Bi people? they just like whoever they want.”

and I smiled, and said, “yeah. everyone has their own way of.. you know, doing stuff, and in this instance, it’s to do with loving other people.”

he just kinda squinted at me, trying to understand (i think)

so i contunied, “did you know there are more ways for people to identify than gay or lesiban or bisexual?”

he shook his head. I’m pretty sure the kids beside us were listening too, so I just whispered. “so, there’s gay, and lesbian, and bisexual,” I explained. “but sometimes, people feel that they should be a different gender. it’s in their heart that they want to change sex, so they do. they’re called transgender.” 

I let that sink in, then he nodded. “that’s when they get surgery.”

I nodded. “then, there’s asexual. they don’t want to… you know, love anyone more than just being friends. there’s more, but I have to get off now.”

he had tilted his head in thought, and I smiled again. He moved to let me get out, and waved when I was walking along the sidewalk to my house. I waved back.

I think ive done some good in the world of homophobic sixth graders…  

(ノ◕ ‿ ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

One day, there will be no coming out. You will be recognized as having always been there, right where you belong, and you will be valued for exactly who you are and who you were born to be, and your existence will be not a point of contention, but a matter of fact. The day will come, but you cannot afford to wait. Tell them who you are. Tell them loud and clear and tell them today. And know that one day there will be no coming out, not for anyone, ever again.

-an open letter to a friend.

I challenge every homophobic cisgendered heterosexual being who claims that homosexuality (or, in fact, every kind of queer sexual identity or gender identity) is a choice, to try and make said choice for like, say, a month. And then meet up with them again and see if they managed and how it went.

Shouldn´t be too difficult if it´s just a choice, right?

Ace Visibility Day

Okay so I might not be the best one to share this but I thought why not?  

Among the ace community, it’s being discussed making 8th April Ace Visibility Day!  We’re planning on posting photos of us holding ace cards (from a deck of cards), or simply a picture or graphic of an ace card.  We’re also changing our icons for the day to the cards.  While you can post your face, this isn’t a selfie-driven movement, but it’s saying ‘ace and proud’.  

This isn’t an officially recognised day, but why not make it a recognised day within the community?  So spread the word, and let’s have some wonderful aces over everyone’s dashes.  

  • The LGBTQWERYUIOPASDFHJKZXCVNM society would appreciate everyone using the full acronym to include everyone.
  • *I accept the full backlash that will come from this post.
  • Seriously, everyone is invited and included. Fuck labels and especially fuck acronyms. You are people not single letter designations. I don't like calling it LGBT or LGBTQIA how about the Rainbow Revolution?

hearts-pearls asked:

what is ace/aros? first time i hear of those terms

Asexual (or ace for short) is a sexuality that is described as having lack of sexual attraction to anyone. It is the A in LGBTQUIA (the other ones being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Undetermined, and Intersex). While we are on this subject, You might as well be educated on some rather perplexing myths concerning the asexual orientation.

  • You are Confused. Yes, that infamous bigoted myth because it happens to not line up with one’s standards. “You just haven’t found the one yet!” I am asexual and I am not confused. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re somehow wrong/confused/evil because you lack sexual attraction to others.
  • You cannot fall in love. Love and sex are two different things. This very idea, has been greatly overlooked by many. I am being generous when I type this. Furthermore, asexual people can experience romantic attraction, but again, not the same as sexual attraction.
  • Having sex will fix the problem. How can one solve a problem when there is no problem present? This one can be seen as a tad acephobic (meaning discrimination, hatred or aversion of asexual people) because it’s implying that being ace is wrong, an anomaly. 

Aromantic (or Aro for short) means you experience a lack of romantic attraction. It is yet another overlooked fact of life that is often subject to erasure as well. Why? Here are some myths as well. Many of the the myths founds in Aro repeat the same tune as “but they are confused and sex will alleviate it!” thus why those myths aren’t repeated again.

  • Aro=Ace. Again, love and sex are not the same thing. You can be aromantic asexual. There are quite a great number of  asexual aromantics that are predominant within the asexual population as well.
  • Also something to add. Asexuals that experience sexual attraction but it’s not too strong or feeling between the sense of sexual and asexual are called graysexual. This is under the Ace Umbrella.

Did this help? Correct me if i’m wrong.