8 Things Non-Binary People Need to Know
  1. You don’t have to be certain, and yes, you can change your mind. 

    You don’t have to be sure about your (a)gender, your presentation, or what steps, if any, you’re going to take to transition. And guess what? You can change your mind! You can change your mind as many times as you’d like, and that does not make your identity any less valid.

    Take your time. Gender is not a race to the finish line; gender is not a competition that you can win or lose. It’s your personal journey, and you can take as much time as you need.

  2. You are valid, and you are doing it “right.”

    Regardless of what you do, regardless of what choices you make, your identity and your gender (or lack thereof) is 100% valid.

    There is no right or wrong way to do gender. Others may try to police you, or tell you that you need to do certain things in order to be trans - even other trans people – but I want you to know that when they do, they are in the wrong, not you. There is no wrong way to be trans. Your experience of gender is your own, and no one else’s. 

  3. You deserve respect – so don’t apologize for demanding it. 

    I spent a lot of time apologizing when I asked people to use my pronouns, and in hindsight, that was ridiculous. I deserve respect; I shouldn’t be misgendered, I shouldn’t be excluded, I shouldn’t be made to feel unsafe, I shouldn’t be made to feel like my existence is a burden on others. Asking people to respect me and honor my identity should never have been something I apologized for – and you shouldn’t apologize, either.

    People will, at some point or another, try to make you feel like your identity is an inconvenience, or that they’re doing you a favor by using your correct name and pronouns, but remember this: you don’t need to kiss anyone’s ass just because they treated you the way that you should be treated.

    Your identity is not a burden – society’s strict adherence to an outdated and confining gender binary, and failure to recognize and affirm you – is the real burden.

    The constant misgendering, microaggressions, harassment and even violence that we face as transgender individuals is a burden that far exceeds what anyone who calls YOUR identity a burden will ever experience.

    You deserve respect without pandering, without begging, without people asking for cookies or pats on the back. You deserve respect, period.

  4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

    I know firsthand, from being in the community and connected with you all, that NB folks often grapple with depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. And because we’re afraid of being misgendered and we’re afraid of having our identities dismantled or interrogated, we’re less likely to seek help.

    Many people are afraid to come out as trans to their therapist, because they are afraid of being forced into an educator role in a situation where they are supposed to be the client.

    Seek out a therapist that is trans-friendly. Remember that you have the right to find a therapist that you connect with and that you like, and you have the right to walk out or discontinue therapy at any time if your counselor does not treat you how you should be treated. Don’t settle for lousy care – if you aren’t getting what you need, keep looking. You are worth it.

  5. Your body is a non-binary body, no matter what it looks like.

    There is an undeniable abundance of thin, traditionally masculine, able-bodied white people without a single curve to be found that are advertised as androgynous bodies. But here’s the truth: You can be fat and curvy and be androgynous. You can be a person of color and, undoubtedly, be neutrois. You can have boobs and be transmasculine.

    What makes a body non-binary is not what it looks like – it’s the person that lives in that body, and identifies that way.

    If you feel pressure to pass, to conform, to look a certain way just to feel valid as your gender, I hope you know that your body is a valid non-binary body no matter what shape or form it takes.

  6. External validation is great, but self-love is revolutionary.

    It’s powerful when we receive validation from others. But I wish someone had reminded me a little earlier on how important self-love is, too. As we weather microaggressions and dysphoria and oppression, we need to take care of ourselves.

    The act of loving ourselves in a society which seldom acknowledges us or affirms us is politically powerful, and psychologically necessary.

    While it’s important that those around us respect us, it’s equally important that we put in the work and respect ourselves.

    How often are you practicing self-care and self-love? If it’s not often, it might be time to reevaluate your priorities – and put yourself first for a change.

  7. You are not alone.

    It can feel that way, to be sure. The loneliness is compounded because most folks still cannot see us the way that we see ourselves. It’s complicated to exist outside of what most people have never been asked to imagine.

    But it’s worth remembering that you are not the only non-binary person in this world. NB folks have existed everywhere, across cultures and across time. You are not alone in your feelings, experiences, and fears.

    If you are feeling isolated, there are so many resources (and more resources, and more), as well as online communities that are waiting for you. And you can come exactly as you are – you don’t need to be out, and you don’t need to be certain.

    Sometimes it helps to know that you’re not the only one going through this.

  8. Your voice is important, and you deserve a seat at the table.

    Your experiences of marginalization, oppression, and fear are important. And every community that you are a part of – whether you’re a person of color, a person with a disability, working class, atheist – should be including you, and valuing your unique contributions.

    We are too often pushed to the margins, both in the trans community but also in other communities that we are a part of.

    And I want to remind you that your voice is important to all of those conversations – you should never be excluded from any discussion that you are personally connected to.

    If you’re being pushed out, don’t apologize for pushing back. You are not alone in this, and your experiences are real and meaningful. Your voice matters.

I wish you, and all of my trans/non-binary siblings a safe, healthy, and beautiful journey as you explore your (a)gender. Please know that I am with you every step of the way, and my inbox is always open. 

More resources and links can be found under my Gender Identity Resources tag.

Something to help me feel better about transitioning and any other trans and non-binary folks out there on testosterone or not on HRT.

I constantly get frustrated that I’m not transitioning fast enough that I’d like, comparing myself to other trans men who are further along with their transitions than me. Trans guys with full beards and top surgery, and hair on their chests, fading scars and board shoulders. 

I enjoy seeing them, those who feel happy in their own bodies finally and are proud to show how far they’ve come, but I have to keep reminding myself not to focus on them so much, that this is my story as a trans individual and to take it day by day. It’s not going to be instant and I can’t always compare myself to others.

I’ve already changed so much this year alone but sometimes it’s hard.

And for those of you not on HRT yet for whatever reason, and want to be, don’t be discouraged. You’re still the gender you know you are and say you are, and everything will work out, I promise.

I’ve been in those shoes before and I know how much it hurts, not knowing if it’ll happen or when it’ll happen. But you are just as valid, you are just as strong and beautiful as those who been transitioning for years or just got started. You are still you.

And we’re here for you.

This was also inspired by a dream I had a few days ago.

So personal stuff is going below, don’t click if you don’t want to. ;)

Keep reading

When she falls asleep on you...

Your heart races… you feel a breath, then another. Soon to realize you can feel them all. A hand, her hand, lays gentley next to yours. You try not to move, not even a twitch. You don’t want to disrupt her. Another hand lays over your arm, your thumb rubbing over the back of her hand. You never realized how soft her hands are. The only visibility coming from the harry potter movie playing. But no matter how much you love harry potter, you enjoy the subtle snores, her eyes flickering shut. Arguing over what you wish was real. But when you’re done arguing, shes calm, and you can feel her breaths, again. Your thumb back to the subtle rubs. Competing over who can quote the movie more. When she stops, you realize shes asleep, and you suddenly feel a jump in your heart. Because for once you can say you’ve never been happier than where you are now.

‘If i lay here, If i just lay here… would you lie with me and just forget the world.’

DESTINY, NY pushes on toward its goal!


Okay, so, I am pretty excited right now about the turn the Kickstarter for Destiny, NY took. Check it out here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/248241887/destiny-ny-a-graphic-novel/

Thanks to great friends/ collaborators/ readers/ comics enthusiasts sharing the campaign, the past 24 hours have been by far the most successful of the campaign so far since DAY ONE! That is incredible, and all I can do is say thank you, so very much.

We are currently at $12,372. We are much closer to the goal, but we still have five days to raise a little over $7,000. It sounds like a great deal of money… it is a great deal of money. But if last night and today have shown me anything, they showed me that what is GREATER than that number is the amount of support that people have given Destiny, NY.

I believe that readers want comics that reflect the world around us as it is, rather than a world that is only populated by one kind of characters.

I believe that readers want stories about a version of New York City they recognize. That, even with the added magic, it feels real.

I believe that readers want comics with queer women as lead characters.

I believe that readers want comics that don’t bury their gays, that don’t create forced drama by brutalizing beloved characters, that don’t queer-bait readers only to fall back on tired old tropes.

I believe that we are going to complete this campaign, and that Destiny, NY will be published.

Something I would like to do, in this volume and future volumes, should we be so lucky, is to include guest artists and guest co-writers on short stories in the back matter. These stories will be short comics or even prose pieces expanding on the world and cast of Destiny, NY. I have one in mind for Joe Rollins, the popular kid. Another, perhaps, for a character that wasn’t introduced in the opening chapter.

I’d like to run a promotion here. We have until the evening of November 2nd to fund this project. If we can reach our goal before then (11:59 on 11/1 EST) then I will provide the attached print, otherwise unavailable, to every backer who is already getting a physical shipment. This is at no extra cost, shipping or otherwise.

This print, titled The Start of Something New, is a colored version of the final page of the first chapter.

I look forward to your feedback, ideas, and shares. Thank you again, so very much, for pledging to Destiny, NY. It means the world to me, Manuel, Jim, and our team of present- and future-collaborators on this book that you believe in us and our story.

Hey Ya’ll, Happy Asexual Awareness week!

Wanna make a statement and show your aro/ace pride? Wanna make that statement in a stylish, cool, and affordable way? 

Well ThreadyToGo is here for you! Yes, I am selling Ace and Aro friendly bracelets!

That includes:

Smaller Bracelets


Larger Bracelets


And Beaded Bracelets!



Also Gender Identity bracelets and bracelets for different fandoms including Harry Potter, Free!, and RWBY! And on top of that if you don’t see a pride flag that you identify with, you can get a custom order!

Also all variations of each flag are available, please just let me know ahead of time!

The bracelets are handmade in a smoke free environment, will ship internationally, on sale and you’re supporting a fellow LGBTQ person (me) afford a binder!

If you have any questions please contact me @apeskyhedgehog I’m always open to questions about the store so stop on by!

And if you’re interested in buying the link is:

//Shop Link//

i went to a gig last night & met one of my favourite artists, so incidentally, when i got to work today, i was in high spirits. my manager was like, ‘how are you?’, and i was like ‘really good, thank you.’ and she’s like, ‘really good? why, did you get some action last night?’ and she winks at me. so, ok. i’m just like. ‘no. even better.’ surprised, high-pitched voice: ‘even better?? what’s better than that?’

she was asking me, the asexual, what’s better than that.


Until the great mass of the people shall be filled with the sense of responsibility for each other’s welfare, social justice can never be attained.
—  Helen Keller
HELP: im applying to college as an LGBTQIA+ student and don’t know where to start!!

If this is you, I have some links to help you out!! 

To check how your potential school ranks in terms of Pride and acceptance

HRC tips on applying as an LGBT+ student

Though I know for some of you applying to college is Very Far In The Future, for others of us (COUGH) it is a matter of 2-4 days away.

If you’re just beginning, though, it’s terrifying. Should you out yourself in the Common App?? Is it unwise to say I’m both queer and nonbinary when applying to my top school?? It really depends on your personal feelings AND the school you’re applying to. 

Some schools actively actually want LGBT+ students; some (esp religious schools) actively avoid them. Yikes. Check your school’s policies. Ask about LGBT+ centers, pride events, “What’s pride like on campus?”. Some colleges, such as Yale, even offer to cover transition costs for trans students (nice). 

Some schools even have specific websites/blogs dedicated to LGBT+ students that you can find to read up. Check that shit out. 

You have options. Many schools support students who come out on campus, especially for gender/name changes on forms – check to see if your school does. Check if sexual/gender orientation is protected in your school’s policies. You can be out to an admissions officer but not your parents. You also don’t have to come out if you are unable, uncomfortable, or simply don’t want to. 

As the Early Action/Early Decision deadline comes up in a few days, good luck and I hope you find a school that accepts you as both a student and individual!!


Hello, it is I, the kinkiest ace you’ll ever meet, being Visible™ for Asexuality Awareness Week✌🏼️

My Son Wants to Be a Princess for Halloween!

“My 6-year-old son wants to be a princess this Halloween. I’m fine with it (he dresses up like a princess at home all the time!) but I’m a little worried about handling potential pushback from neighbors and friends at school. Do you have ideas on the best way to go about it?”

Question Submitted Anonymously
Answered by Katie Hadjolian

Katie Says:

What a joy to know that you and your son have fun with dress-up play! It’s unfortunate that many folks see fit to impose gender-based limits on the scope of the imagination, and on clothing in general. Congratulations to you on your desire to appropriately respond to any remarks these folks may make.

Since both you and your son already have positive feelings about him dressing up like a princess, your primary focus can be on maintaining—and effectively communicating—those positive feelings. Simply expressing your opinion of how your son makes a fantastic princess will cover a tremendous number of bases. When confronted with negativity, asking open-ended “What makes you think that?” or “Why not?” questions can either give you an escape route as they consider their answer and you move on, or make them consider why they have made the statement in the first place. If a little sarcasm seems called for, “Um, it’s a costume,” will probably do the trick (no pun intended).

If you think your son is unaware that people could react negatively to what he’s wearing, it may help to coach him through some responses both positive and negative in order to frame it as a social-skills exercise instead of a worst-case prep session.

Comment: “Hey, I love your princess dress!”  
Response: “Thank you! I love it too!”  

Comment: “Why are you wearing a dress? That looks silly.”
Response: “I like this and I think it looks great.”

My own son was several years older than yours when we first encountered resistance to his enjoyment of a found piece of “girl’s’” clothing. He has yet to share with me what anyone said, and I honestly don’t know if anyone said anything negative directly to him or not; I did, however, have what amounted to a silent staredown with a child care provider. It was not particularly pleasant for either one of us and if I had it to do again, I would have prepared as you are preparing now, including ensuring that my son was comfortable sticking up for himself.

Interestingly enough, when one thinks of kids and Halloween costumes, having folks try to figure out the identity of the costumed person is normally a significant part of a Halloween-themed event. So for those who simply cannot abide the thought of a boy dressing as a princess, pointing out to them that a costume is normally worn in order to make the person unrecognizable may be enough to have them stand down. There’s much behind that statement, of course, but there’s certainly no need to enlighten anyone in a single sidewalk or party-table encounter.

Remember that any negative reactions you may experience do not have to do personally with you or your son, but with others’ general discomfort with the idea of challenging gender norms. In fact, it’s very likely some of them may even be envious of your support of your son’s ability to dress up however he wants to. I have found to my pleasant surprise that with each passing year, people are generally more accepting and supportive than before. May that be the case for you and your son this year.

Finally, I recommend you pick up a copy of Laurin Mayeno’s (another writer here at My Kid Is Gay!) new children’s book One of a Kind Like Me/Único Como Yo, which tells the story of a little boy who likes to dress up as a princess, too!

Enjoy the holiday!

So I was looking at this gif and I noticed something

In this above gif it depicts what Jane envisons her future family with Michael to look like. They decided on 3 kids together which were 2 boys and a girl. One is Mateo and an unnamed boy and girl. In the back you can see their kids as grown ups with their spouses. By simply looking you see four men and two women. That means one son has a wife/girlfriend, their daughter has a boyfriend/husband so that just leaves one of their son’s having a boyfriend/husband.  

So needless to say I love the fact that Jane see’s a future where one of her kids is queer.

credit x