Who to Fight: Jurassic Park Edition

Alan Grant: Do not fight Alan Grant. He literally carries a Velociraptor claw in his pocket. Everything annoys him. Leave this angry man alone.


Ian Malcolm: You could probably take him. If you didn’t plan on fighting him, you’ll probably want to after listening to him talk for more than five minutes. Do the world a favor and fight Ian Malcolm.

John Hammond: I mean, you would win, but what satisfaction would you get from beating up an old man? Unless you’re one of the family members of the several people he inadvertently killed. In that case, kick his wrinkly old ass. Take his cane as a trophy.

Ray Arnold: Fight Ray Arnold. You won’t gain anything, but you’ll be able to tell people you fought a Sam L. Jackson look alike.

Donald Gennaro: Fight this man. You’ll be able to do it. Really fight him. He already has an embarrassing death: make sure his final thought is about how you fucking owned him.

Lex Murphy: Why on earth would you fight this girl? What did she do to you? Also, she outsmarted two Velociraptors, which means she has a mental advantage. Still. Do not fight this child.

Tim Murphy: Again. Why would you fight this child? He literally crossed paths with Death a hundred times in the course of like twenty four hours. He is indestructible. All the more reason not to fight him.

Dennis Nedry: Fight him. No explanation needed.

Robert Muldoon: Do not fight him. He is another angry man. His job was Velociraptor Expert/Gamekeeper. What would move you to fight him?



LEGO Jurassic World


Who is Owen Grady?!

So, if anyone remembers John Hammond’s grandchildren, there was Lex and Tim Murphy. When Lex grew up she met this man, with the last name Grady. They eventually got married and had a boy, who they named Owen. Lex would tell Owen the adventures of Jurassic Park and the memories she had of her trip. Owen then became in love with dinosaurs of all kinds he knew most of the facts and accelerated in reading because of it. But his all time favorite was the Velociraptor! When he got out of high school he signed up for the navy specializing in strategic and tactical forces. When Jurassic World, Owen signed up to work there unknowing that he would even get a chance. But Simon Masrani called him personally. The interview was in the Velociraptor cage; where Owen was first introduced to his best friends.

you know i get irrationally upset when lex and tim are eating all the leftover food and then the velociraptor arrives…

I mean these poor little kids have been chased all over the park by giant dinosaurs trying to eat them; they’re exhausted, terrified, and starving, and then they finally get somewhere where they feel safe, they’re eating and starting to feel better, and then no fuckers raptors arrive this shit ain’t over and just they didn’t deserve it they deserved to eat that food and go to sleep and be safe instead of being trapped inside a kitchen full of velociraptors

like seriously I feel so upset they didn’t deserve this they didn’t