namjoon’s verse: “I’d rather you curse at me instead of looking away, that way I can hold on to you. isn’t the aftermath of our fights difficult for our foolish selves? even if I call for you every night in the drifting void, only an empty echo is left. even if I cry, my aching heart feels like it’s going to explode. it’s okay. like the cold dawn air, pass by me. like the me who left you said, leave my dizzy mind. now I’ll calmly wake up from this dream called ‘you’. I ask that you let me be born again so that I can resign myself and stop thinking about you.”
McKirk AU where Jim is deaf and Bones is the doctor who give him implants and the first thing Jim hears in his life is Bones' voice and he falls in love with it
Jim hasn’t been deaf all his life. He knows what things are supposed to sound like. Or, he knew, anyway. But his reckless behaviour as a kid didn’t pay off in his teens when being chased by one of those android cops resulted into an accident that led to permanent damage in his ears, rendering him deaf. Sure, at first, that got him really down. Then, it got him experimenting on different sound pitches and audio levels, but more than registering vibrations, no sound is coming through.
He can still speak okay-ish, and he learns sign language pretty fast. And he has communicators who directly translate what people around him are saying into text, so a lot of people don’t even immediately realize that he’s deaf. Jim’s quite resourceful, after all.
But he misses hearing. He misses his classic rock music, and he’s ever so curious about the sound these men, women, and otherwise unspecified people make when he sleeps with them. He wants to hear people laugh at his jokes. And though he’s really grateful he’s deaf and not blind - it’s still something he wishes he had.
He’s still one of the top performers at Starfleet Academy, with Leonard at his side, who’s able to speak sign language in both Earth and teaches Jim to speak Vulcan, too, just so that they can offend Spock right in front of him. Despite being a top performer, though, his lack of hearing makes it impossible for him to ever become captain of his own Starship, simply because hearing is apparently one of the key requirements to being a good captain.
I’m going to be a captain, Jim signs to Bones when they’re together in Bones’ cabin. Bones is already a CMO, and Jim doubts he’ll ever get further than being a cadet. Not like this, not while he doesn’t hear anything, no warning signals, no people talking to him. But despite all that, he’s determined to be the first. Okay, Bones signs. You don’t believe me, Jim says, and Bones shrugs. I don’t say that. I’m just saying okay, he replies, I’d like to see that happen. Jim frowns, leaning back in his seat and grabbing the bottle of bourbon from Bones’ hands to take a swig from it. I’m gonna be a captain, Jim repeats when he sets the bottle on his lap, and Bones rolls his eyes. I have no doubt. You’re so persistent it’s annoying, he replies, and Jim laughs.
And he actually does become a captain. Jim can’t hear, but he still senses things better than most. Vibrations, natural and man-made, and he saves the Enterprise by warning Captain Pike about it. Even goes as far as beaming aboard the enemy ship with just a small crew - and with Scotty’s help, disables their engines. It helps that they made very little sound communicating strategies - merely a series of Jim calmly signing to Scotty, and Scotty making big, fast paced gestures back at him. After successfully pulling that off, and Jim’s continuously showing leadership abilities, Pike pulls the right strings, and Jim’s that first deaf captain to have his own starship.
It calls for a celebration, Bones and himself get incredibly drunk the night before takeoff. Jim sits his first day in the Captain’s chair incredibly uncomfortable because every movement of the ship, every vibration running through her, it all cranks up that dull headache in the back of his head. I’m never drinking again, Jim signs to Bones a day later, and Bones grins. You sure? Because I smuggled this bourbon aboard, Bones replies, and Jim sighs. Fine, give me that bottle. He takes it from Bones’ hands, but Bones puts it aside first. I also have something else, Bones explains. He gets up and rummages through his stuff, crouching down just in front of Jim when he finds just this little box. No much bigger than a jewelry box. You proposing, Bones? Jim asks with a grin. Not this time, Bones replies. He opens it, and there’s just two little chips in there. Before Jim even realizes that that is, Bones reaches out and places them just behind Jim’s ears. What are you- There is a high pitched noise in his ears that’s instantly giving him a headache again. Jim reaches out to remove those chips, but Bones grabs his hands instead. When the noise dulls out, he hears things. The quiet rumbling of the ship, the sound of the TV on in the background. “Can you hear me?” Bones asks, and it’s so loud and sudden that Jim flinches at the closeness of the noise to his ears. Yes, he signs, before frowning, and he nods. “Yes,” he says, slowly, and hearing his own voice sounds incredibly weird. “Bones,” Jim continues, “how can I-?” “We’ve been working on this for a while,” Bones says, sitting down next to Jim again. “It’s technically still in a testing phase, but it should work.”
And it does work - it does a hell of a job. Jim hears everything, at first, because perhaps it’s cranked up a little too high. Jim hears Spock and Uhura quietly bickering when they’re at the other side of the rec room. He hears Bones drop his PADD before Jim even enters his office. He hears Chekov and a girl from engineering hook up through the wall of his cabin (and that’s something he’s never going to stop hearing ever again). So Bones turns those chips down a little, and then it’s perfect. He can hear Bones, even when they talk quietly and intimately on the couch in Jim’s room. Bones has a lovely voice, too. Soft, and sweet, and with this perfect southern accent that’s just incredible to listen to. Even when Jim’s like “tell me that time you and Joanna went to the zoo,” and Bones rolls his eyes and says: “pretty sure I told you that twice already.” But he tells it anyway.
Because Jim is in love with Bones’ voice. With the way he laughs when Jim tells a joke. They still often communicate via sign language, because talking and listening is exhausting for someone who hasn’t had to process any sounds for years. But Jim loves Bones’ voice. Doesn’t love that Bones breathes so silently, though, except when he’s angry. Jim wakes up in the morning in the same bed as Bones after having passed out from drinking and talking all night, and it’s so quiet he’s afraid his hearing has left him again. Bones is just quietly asleep next to him. Jim knows he shouldn’t be sleeping over so much, because he’s already in love with Bones’ voice and his grumpy exterior, and this is only going to make it worse, but after talking until way past midnight, there is simply no way he’s going to walk back home. He shifts in closer, hearing the sheets ruffle as he moves, and he quietly rests his head against Bones’ chest. There it is - a slow and steady heart beating. Feeling the weight on his chest, Bones’ heart starts speeding up a little as he wakes up, and he shifts ever so lightly. Not enough for Jim to actually move, though. What are you doing? Bones signs, tired, sloppy movements with his hands close to Jim’s face. Jim smiles. Even Bones is still so very used to sign language around him. “I’m listening,” Jim replies, speaking. “To what?” Bones asks this time, and Jim slowly looks up. “Your heartbeat.” “You’re so fucking cheesy,” Bones says, and Jim laughs. When he looks up, Bones is so close. His sleepy smile, those sounds he makes when he yawns and stretches his arms and legs, hair a big mess.
He sits up, just enough, to cup Bones’ cheeks and he leans in closer to be able to kiss those soft lips. Bones doesn’t move at first, but it’s only when Jim is about to lean away that his hands grab Jim’s shoulders to pull him in closer. Only when he pulls away, Bones throws Jim a sleepy smile. “What’d I do to deserve that?” He asks, and Jim shrugs lightly. “Everything.”
Major milestone for us today as we mixed the final episode of Book 2. FINALLY! You guys will see this in under two weeks, hot off the presses. This episode, and the remaining ones leading up to it, are sonic smorgasbords, thanks to Jeremy Zuckerman (music), Ben Wynn (sound design), Aran Tanchum (foley), and everyone working with them. Mike and I would especially like to thank our outstanding mixer, Adrian Ordonez (pictured above), at Levels Audio. OK, back to work on Books 3 & 4…
Meditation Problems & Remedies: Problem - The Big Yawn!
This is boring.
This is annoying.
This is pointless.
You fall asleep.
Sit. Stay! Do more meditation.
At least go through the motions of sitting & breathing in and out.
Sit up for meditation.
(BTW: Falling asleep from boredom and
avoidance is different than falling asleep because you’re tired. In time,
you’ll be able to tell the difference, mostly because of what kinds of thoughts
precede the ‘sleepiness’.)
“Big Yawn” is a sign that buried thoughts and feelings are about to come
up. You’ve buried them for a reason –
you don’t want to have them, look at them, experience them. Continue your meditation session. Continue to have meditation sessions. This is an important time and an important
sign. You are about to make
you’re really having difficulty staying put, a good meditation to use is
‘counting the breath’, where you count how long it takes you to breathe in and
take twice as long for each breath out.
Mantra meditations and meditations where you have to visualize things
are also helpful during these stages.
Look, this idea has been PLAGUING me for WEEKS. So HERE YOU GO!
Back in the day I really wanted to make a sort of Debunk the Ni-myth blog. But you know, that’s like the opposite of productivity and so I just kinda… didn’t.
I swear, if another asshole comes up to me and says I’m not an INTJ cause I do art or that I’m inevitably going to be bad at it cause it’s not my PURPOSE IN LIFE I will literally stab them through my computer screen.
SO, UH, GUYS, I THOUGHT THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN A FAINT HEARTBEAT YOU COULD HEAR SO I WENT AND MESSED WITH AUDIO LEVELS AND LOOKED FOR GOOD FREQUENCIES AND UH
Starts with Carmilla saying “Would you care?” around 4 minutes and 9 seconds of episode 27 of season 2. You’ll have to crank up the volume a bit, but be careful on things that aren’t headphones, or you’ll shake your windows with the sub.
I boosted the bass and cut a lot of the high end so you could hear the faint heartbeat easier. I presume it’s Laura’s heartbeat, considering Carmilla is a vampire who presumably doesn’t have a heartbeat. And since there ISN’T a heartbeat for Carmilla, this tells me that it’s likely purposefully snuck in there, considering that if it had been an accident, they’d have picked up Natasha Negovanlis’ heartbeat as well. Right before the kiss, Laura’s heart starts beating faster and faster, and then they kiss and it calms slightly, and when Laura pulls away says, “I can’t,” it’s jack-hammering. Take from that what you will, my fellow shippers.