lettersandkisses

The Perks Of Being Single.

Without bitterness, it is true that it’s happy being SINGLE.

Because there are a lot of perks of being single that you don’t get when you are tied up in a relationship. It’s just that, the situation defines it. We have different situations, experiences, and perspective that’s why some of us has this bitterness on being single. Try to think of these, when you are single:

  • You own your time.You have all of your time for yourself. You can do whatever you like without thinking that you have to make time for someone. You can manage your time so easily that makes everything stress-free. Plus the fact that you have time for your friends now.
  • You are free. What I mean is, you get the chance to enjoy life as a single person. You have this freedom in meeting new people in your life without thinking that there is someone who will be mad. You make new friends. You have this enjoyment in life that you don’t have when you’re tied up. Like you can go to a party and enjoy with different type of people (especially the opposite sex) without the guilt.
  • You don’t get hurt. No person will hurt your feelings anymore. You won’t get that pain from being in love. Nothing is complicated. No one to care for. Just you, and you don’t have to hurt yourself anymore.

All I am saying here is that happiness is within your perspective. Being single don’t always mean being alone. It depends on how you will see things their way and I say use your being single in enjoying life without the seriousness of being in a relationship. Don’t go for self-infliction just because you’re single. The right person will come at the right time.

Tortured.

She cried and I was caught off guard while we were walking the street.

After we drank a glass of cold coffee. After we talked about our lives. After we threw our punchlines that triggered a lot of laughs. And after the one whole year since we broke up.

“Thank you. Like a lot” She said. She looked just the same, it’s everything I loved. Wearing that loose white shirt and a pair of tight jeans, she looked like the girl who never left my side a year ago.

“Why are you close to tears and why are you saying that thank you?” I don’t know why I asked that. I was just sort of awkward the whole time since she asked me to see her again after over a year.

“You just never let me down” And there she cried a little bit hard that I somehow put my arms into her. I wanted to tell her:

I know most of what happened to you since we broke up. I know that you left because you got scared for the long distance relationship that was ahead of us at the time. I know that you met a new man in your life that left you after you loved him so much. For the past year, I’ve been torturing myself still updating my thoughts of what was happening to you. I just loved you so much I had taken every pain including it.

But I didn’t. And in that moment while she was crying in front of me, I didn’t know what was the right thing to say or do. I started speaking after my quite long silence.

“I.. you know.. It’s just that..” Then she kissed me. It was as if we were back in those times when we were still in love and that nothing on earth mattered but us.

Among all the kisses we had from our past, nothing beats that long kiss she gave me. After a year of nothing between us, there she was, as if filling the lost year of us together. Until she let go of my lips and my arms. Now I felt her tears on my cheek.

“I am so sorry. I did not intend to..” She was saying but..

“No, it’s okay.” I interrupted. It was really okay for me. That kiss brought back all the energy in my system that was lost for a very long time. I suddenly felt so alive and happy that the emptiness in me collides.

“No you don’t understand. It’s just.. I like.. I just thought you’re him for a moment” She honestly confessed. She stopped crying. She just stared at my emotionless face and her eyes were saying how sorry she really was.

She was right. I still cannot understand why I love the thought of pain she brings in my life.

Talkmate.

It’s so nice to have someone that you can tell stories to.

That one person who would want to spend time with you and just have a conversation. The one who will be willing to listen to you. Especially to your stories. It’s just so happy to have at least one person in your life who would stick around no matter how boring you are or how the conversation goes.

The one who would not just listen actually, but also understands. That no matter how non sense your stories are, that person will stay and still listen.

Like, I know that I’m not always interesting to talk to and sometimes I say things that will really bore you but it’s nice having someone who will be there and will never leave you because they understand you that much.

Some kind of a talkmate maybe, that will be willing to take every words of yours.

Those Moments When You're Real.

It is when you are really who you are.

It is just so great in the feeling to have people in your life that accepted you for who you really are, and not because you impressed them of how you would want them too look at you. It is such a great feeling because you know they are the ones who know the real you and they accepted that whole-heartedly. They are not the ones who will leave when the time comes that they will know every part of yourself.

People who knows you by heart and not just by face, by personality, or by talent.

And those moments you were with them were just the happiest because you expresses who you really are without the fear of rejection. You can show every side of yours without the hurtful judgement from their mouths. You can be just yourself, nothing to hide, nothing to be afraid of. For you know they will stay and be with you no matter who and what you are.

Those were the moments where you can say you are most-real.

Di na lang magpapaapekto.

Kasi mas maganda nang hindi na lang sila pansinin. Na hayaan na lang sila. Sa kung sa ganun sila masaya e. Bakit kailangan pang bigyan ng atensyon ang mga walang kwentang bagay na ginagawa nila sayo. Madalas, inggit lang sila kaya ganun. Minsan sa paninira pa ng iba makikita ang mga magagandang bagay tungkol sayo.

Rebirth.

Like a new womb was formed, and now is its labor.

I, myself is making my own rebirth. I, myself is new. I, myself is reborn. I’m changed but I’m not changing. I am still myself, and I don’t actually see this a renewal of everything. It’s just that I’m bringing it back - the portion of me that is gone since that poison that ate my mind. Now I will return to that old self that was lost, and now found. Again.

Rebirth. As if every pieces of matter in this world is new, but never old. Just lost for a long time. Now I am myself again. The real self. Not the one who seek for something else. I gave up on that shit that almost killed my sensibility. I don’t want to be him again. Never again. Just this. Simple, but real. Unnoticeable, but confident. That’s the part of me that I want to regain.

I now welcome myself without that poison. Welcome myself BACK to my own real world.

Vanity and Sanity.

All eyes on me.

I was like in a concert but the superstar is me. Like people were screaming and I heard my name so loud. I was shining so bright and they loved how I blinded their eyes. They all wanted a piece of me even the napkin beside my tea. They kept it as if it’s their god and prayed to it for love. I kind of also loved this scenery, I owned them and I held them in their necks without even stretching my arms to do it. I like how they adored me as if I was the sun in their killer drought.

And when I felt so perfect, that’s when I became imperfect.

I concluded that I am always the superstar. I heard myself screaming my own name so loud it deafened me. My eyes were shut down by my self-made shine. I wanted pieces of my own skin and peeled it to beautify it not once but a hundred times. Every step that my shoes made served as my god to my own glory and I thought it’s love. But I kind of hated this scenery. It owned me and it held my whole system without even tying my hands down. I gave myself to it completely as if it was the escape from that killer grief.

And now they turned all their blinded eyes from me.