letter-to-you

“I saw you today,” and her green eyes sparkled just that little bit more. “I saw you and I still had the urge to write about your hazel stare and your half-smile and the curls that fall into your eyes and the way you turned everything you spoke into poetry you would mumble against the dip between my neck and shoulder.”

“And I think that, when I can watch you walk straight past me with only a brief glance of recognition and not feel this burning need to note down everything from the way the sunlight hits your brown hair to the way you sometimes scuff your toes against the cracks in the pavement, then I’ll be over you.”

She sighs and fiddles with the hem of her shirt in her right fingers, “I’ll be over you when I’m writing this for the memories and not because I’m hanging on to something that’s already gone. I’ll be over you when my first instinct when I see you is to smile or wave or nod and not to pick up a pen and paint you in words that won’t leave like you did. I’ll be over you when I’m writing this for me and not as a substitute to falling asleep in your arms. I’ll be over you when I’m writing this for the people who love someone who doesn’t love them back. I’ll be over you when I’m writing this for every person out there who thinks that they’ll only ever know unrequited love.”

“That’s when I’ll be over you,” she finishes with a flick of her pen.

—  And hopefully I’ll be over you soon because I’m running out of ink, 31/08/2015

To the person I love,
I’m not going to say I’m sorry because as much as I am, I also am not. The things I said were not meant to be insulting. They were only insecure concerns, my own battle I dragged you into. Intentions of gold were laced between the words I spilled onto your collarbone between sheets. I love you and that scares me. You were hurt under all those layers of confidence and compliments and… Something I would try to fix with no success. My forgiveness and recurring visits to your bed only a reflection on my own desperate self. Stupidity and love, more the same than I ever thought. No warnings or judgement could ever make me doubt you, and there I was making lies because all those warnings from judgemental friends had struck a core with me. Shaking all the things I thought to be true. Making me hate myself more than I ever could you. We were running out of time. It slipped out from underneath us as ten months turned to six, turned to three, turned to one. And soon we were left with only a few weeks filled with conflicting scheduled lives and I miss yous. Wasting our time when we could have been wasting it together. And just like that some insignificant stupid words I nervously mumbled were enough to push you over the edge. Take it out on me boy. My fault? I guess. Regrets? I have them but I’m glad I do. If it wasn’t for me saying those words I would have never realized how childish and conceited you could be. Taking my personal fears as an insult to yourself. Cutting me off without closure. All I wanted was a simple goodbye. You’ll call me again, I’m sure. You always do. You love me right? Expectations to disappointment. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I don’t. 

- b.f.
4

My darling Blanche,

It pains me to think that you do not want to speak to me. I long for your response and wish with all my heart that you forgive me for my decisions. All I desire is for your arms to be once again around me, to feel your hair against my cheek when we embrace. I can still feel your kiss, and the sweet smell of your skin lingers in my memory.”

9

Dearest Baobei 이동해, 李东海, ドンヘ, Lee Donghae :3

Wow, this is actually the fourth year I am writing you a letter. Time sure had passed.. XD Again I have to elaborate though that I’m not always good with words but let me try again :3

Between last year and up until now, there are a lot of things that had happened to you. Your SS5 tour with Super Junior finished previously this year, then you had starred in a short movie The Youth and casted in drama God’s Quiz 4 (return of actor hae!). With SJM you promoted SWING album. And you have promoted in D&E unit with Hyukjae and even did your first tour in Japan with him. You welcomed back your dearest Teuk hyung back in your arms :’) Then together with SJ you boys have released 7jib “MAMACITA” and commenced the SS6 plus achieved your 100th concert ♥ You’re now even preparing for your second D&E album with Hyukjae and you have upcoming SS6 tour ahead of you. Every single thing you did last year, by yourself or with the boys, was amazing and special in their own ways.

You have grown more with every activities you do; more handsome, more popular, but you are still the kind and humble Donghae that speaks softly and always considerate for the others :3 When things get rough, you always find the bright side of them and that inspires you to do harder, to achieve higher. That’s your qualities that I always admire from you.

I would like to express my biggest gratitude for you. You may not believe it, heck you may not even know it (for I’m just that tiny blue dot among the sapphire blue ocean); but really, you have done a lot of things to me. You are the ups when I’m in the down. Your smile lifts me up, and you make me want to smile with you. Your continuous achievements motivate me to do better with what I’m doing right now; I want to be a better person because of you. Thank you for everything you’ve done to me ;;

My simple wish for you is for you to always be happy with whatever you are doing, wherever you are and with whomever you be with. I trust that you will not fail in chasing your biggest dreams. With your family around you and friends that support you, you will reach that highest star. I pray for your success and will always watch you though from far. I will not stop loving you even when soon, the time for you to serve your country is coming. I will continue to support you until the time you are back.

Hope you have the sweetest birthday ever! Happy birthday♥

2

Dear Park Jung Soo,

Thank you for take care ur dongsaeng..now they all grown up well.ELF and other members very thankful because your faith , sweat , voice , hard work , etc . make SJ like this. Maybe our love not comparable with what u do for us.But , we will try to love SJ until forever. 

Even u will leave us for  2 years , we still can take care ourselves .Dont worry . ELF will wait you and we never stop loving you :) Keep Smile and take care urself . Park Jung Soo Hwaiting ! 

                                                                 your angles ,ELF       

I saw you with her
and the sadness
washed over me
once more.
Please don’t misunderstand,
for i was overjoyed
to see you smiling
and laughing together,
to see you genuinely happy.

But you had just spent months
convincing me that
all those people who broke me
weren’t worth my time,
that it was okay to walk away
from the ones who had hurt you.

She stabbed you
through the heart,
so you ripped it
right out of your chest
and handed
it back
to her.

—  e.m.b, please follow your own advice.
I love you. It’s a scary thought, really. It’s like this imaginary bridge has just been crossed and now there’s no going back. But it’s true. It’s the only thought that runs through my mind when you’re holding me at night and it’s what I think about when we’re driving with the top down and doors off on a hot night. To be honest, I have no idea if you feel the same way or if you ever will but right now I’m content with spending all my nights loving you.
—  Letters to you (8-24-2015)
Dear Future Husband

09/2013

Dear Future Husband,

I’m 19-something, almost 20
And I’m not even sure I’ve met you yet

I’m not rushing you though

See. Here’s the thing…
I be/dreaming of you
And I’ve never been in love
but every love poem I write ends up about you

I spend my days practicing my smile—cuz I want it to light up your life
I want to be your favorite Sunday morning
Your favorite song
Your favorite poem
Your favorite flower

I want to plant gardens in your ears with the tenderness in my tone
Gardens in your chest with the tenderness in my touch
And I know you’re a man, but baby it’s okay to blush

Dear Future Husband,
I don’t know if it’s just me—or if every girl does these things
But I’ve been saving things for you,
Since before I met you

Like my heart.
I haven’t let anyone borrow it, or sample it, or break it…
Well, it’s been broken
But I/kept the pieces
Made peace with it
Put it back together,
Put it in a letter.
Or a poem or whatever.

My virginity.
I saved that for you too/
Come to think of it.
I also saved my first kiss for you too

I don’t know if it’s just me
Or if all girls do these things.

I saved some stories and some secrets
Things that I’ve never told anyone
Things I’ll keep between us

There is a hyphen.
One that’ll connect my last name to yours
Me to wherever you are
Forever to infinity
Infinity to beyond

Dear Future Husband,
I’m 19-something, almost 20
And I’m not even sure if I’ve met you yet

But I’ve been saving all the good parts of myself for you
And if I’m being honest,
Some of the not so good too.