letter-to-you

I Love the idea of comforting cryptids . monsters who live under your bed to assure that nothing bad can fit under there because They’re there & there’s no more room . unspeakable eldritch horrors that follow you around just so they can tell you shitty puns . Mom Friend™ poltergeists who passive aggressively disrupt all your electronics when ur a lil shit who should be sleeping because “you have an exam in the morning!!” , but Also tag along on blind dates in case you suddenly need an out . sirens who work as lifeguards & sing so instead of panicking you can focus on your movements & breathe easier . forest ranger Bigfoot who patrols the woods in case anyone gets lost & needs a guide out . 

Dear Chi-chan,

On the day you decided to send in the Avex audition application, you had no idea. You had no idea… that one day so many were going to cry over you for leaving and so many thanked you that on that day, you decided to send in that piece of paper.

Your love for the group and the fans was real–so extraordinary and precious.

Without a doubt, AAA’s past 12 years of history could not have been as purely astonishing, beautiful, and complete without you. You have 6 incredible members who fought, cried, laughed, and accomplished with you in the past 12 years. And the magic seven of you created in every performance was phenomenal. Every single time.

AAA was a place where you were loved and shined. It was a place where we saw you smile. It was a place where you belonged.

Without AAA, we might have never met you, never known your talent, and never have discovered your kindness. 

So thank you. Thank you for becoming AAA and giving us your everything.

It breaks our heart to even think about how much we are going to, and already, miss you. We will be waiting to see your smile again; you may no longer be an AAA member then, but as Ito Chiaki–a mother who made an extremely brave decision to protect everything she loved.

We love you and are forever proud to be a fan of someone so special and incredible like you. 

Thank you for the amazing 12 years.

With tons of love,

Your fan. 

《March 24, 2017》

I fell in love with you not knowing what love really was. I stayed in love with you because no one else made me feel the way you did.I still fall in love with you everyday because there’s no one I picture my future with other than you
Apologies to a 15 year old me

I’m sorry I’ve dyed and cut and permanently straightened your hair so much- it was better the way it was and now it will never be the same.

I’m sorry I quit gymnastics- I know you loved it. And soccer and track and tennis and skiing and the piano. I’m so, so sorry- I was lazy. But you don’t regret it as much as you thought you would.

I’m sorry I didn’t use more of that cream on your scar or maybe I’m sorry I used as much as I did- because now, 10 years later, you’re still not comfortable with it and it puts a strain on a lot of your relationships. But know that you’ve grown to accept that it’s part of who you are and there is no “you” without that scar.

I’m sorry I hurt that boy you cared about so much once you finally got him. You’ll know who I’m talking about in 3 years. That is something I didn’t mean, that was a mistake.

On the topic of boys, I’m sorry I’ve talked to and done more with boys you would never have wanted me to talk to. But you’ll understand what it’s like to not use your brain. It’ll take a few years because you always use yours now and you won’t start actually drinking until junior year of college. But one day in 2009 and then again in 2011 and 2016, you’ll understand what it’s like to fall so quickly for someone you shouldn’t.

I’m sorry that I didn’t live up to everything you and everyone else knew I could be. I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to buy dad a car yet and I didn’t get into Harvard Law and I don’t have a secret modeling career on the side. I’m also sorry that everyone else led you to believe you could do anything in the world and be amazing at it because sometimes that’s just not possible and it has nothing to do with you or how amazing you are.

I’m sorry you eventually forget most of your languages and stop trying to learn them but you pick up a little bit of a few new ones and you eventually make it out of the country. And sorry, but you hate it.

Lastly, I’m sorry your current crush gets married in college and I’m sorry your next crush won’t give you the time of day and I’m sorry your amazing SAT scores still weren’t enough for Columbia and I’m sorry that I didn’t try in high school because maybe if I did, they would have been. And I’m sorry you lose touch with your current best friends but it’s okay, really. And I’m sorry but no, the boys in high school don’t ever give you the attention you for some reason want but they’re all fat and bald now and you’re somehow even more pretty.

And I know it might not sound like it but you are so happy right now. You get that sister-like best friend you always wanted, you stay up until 5am laughing your ass off with friends and strangers more times than you can count, you still have abs, you get more boys than you know what to do with, you graduate the best college you could have chosen summa cum laude, you have neighbors that show up at your door with wine and ice cream (yes, seriously), you learn so many new games and expressions that you love, Grandma makes it to 100, Uncle Rich is still the coolest uncle around, and it takes 7 more years but you finally get your first puppy.

Oh but most of all, you haven’t lost sight of who you are. And you never, ever can. Shine bright, you crazy diamond. I love you and everything you become.
Although I’ve moved on, I still think about you sometimes and how I wish I could call you and tell you all the things I never had the chance to say. Or maybe I did have the chance, I just never took it. I don’t know. I hope that you are filled with excitement and passion. I hope that you are more motivated, hard-working, sensible, and most of all, content with the person you are growing into. I’m sure your plans for life have changed since you last told me all about them, but plans don’t ever work out the way you want them to. Ours didn’t. So wherever, however, and whoever you end up being, I hope you are bubbling with excitement, sick with passion, consumed by hope, motivated by fear, stronger than pain, and your heart pulses with joy.
—  Everything I Never Said
OPENING UP YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE…

…isn’t always the easiest thing to do,

but giving your heart to someone is about a million times harder.

Love is an interesting thing,

so many people have so many different definitions of love

that it’s hard to tell when it’s really happened to you.

It always sneaks up in its own way.

It can hit you like an unexpected fast ball,

or it can take nearly your whole life to creep up on you

when you have lost all hope of ever falling in love.

One thing to always remember,

that I found out the hard way though,

is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

You can love your best friend with an unconditional kind of love that will never fade,

the kind of love that tells you he or she always has and always will be there for you.

Then there is that special kind of love the kind

that is not only emotion, but action.

The kind you feel when that special someone has crept or pushed their way into your life.

The kind of love that has hit me early in life.

You can tell someone or someone can tell you that you don’t know

what love is, you’re to young, you have no clue the depths

or hurts involved with real true love.

It’s all false. You can have that special kind of love at 13 up until
the day you die,

even then you might not know the exact meaning of what it is to love someone,

but just because you can’t explain it, doesn’t mean you can’t feel it.

Dear you,
You showed me the loveliest parts of you, the most vulnerable ones. Ones you’ve probably only shown the truest people in your life. I’m glad I was once one of those people. I learned from you what it means to give your all to someone. What it means to plant your seeds inside someone, to watch them bloom. I learned what true pain it could be when you watch the winter roll over and the flowers inside of you begin to wilt. Most of all, I learned what it meant to be in love. I learned the kind of person I am when I become truly engrossed in someone, and what the word regret means. I do not regret falling in love with you, I do not regret the memories we will forever share, but I regret letting you go. I still love you, I always will.
Sincerely,
The girl you once loved.
—  A Letter To The Boy I Once Loved
(via sunnflowerso)
I hope you get the chance to meet someone at a bar that makes you want to stay out until 3am on a Wednesday.

I hope that same girl laughs at your stupid jokes and will go to sci-fi movies with you.

I hope you one day have coworkers that value your opinions and make you excited to go to work in the morning and leave drawings on your desk.

I hope that one Christmas morning you get to see the look on your daughters face when you surprise her with a puppy.

I hope you have sons that look just like you and appreciate spending time with you because I know you’ll be at every soccer game.

I hope you can go to sleep easily knowing that people love you and your efforts are worth it.

I really just hope that one day you’re genuinely, seriously happy and you forget about everything that ever hurt you, including me.

Você regou com tanto amor
que meus espinhos secaram
e acabei voltando a ser flor.

Dear Middle School Me,
In these three years of your life, you are going to go through some pretty crazy highs and lows and ups and downs. You’re going to hit rock bottom a couple of times, but you’re also going to find that the rainbow comes right after the hurricane and you’re going to be really really happy. I promise. I know that it might seem like you’re worthless compared to your friends or that no one pays enough attention to you to notice how sad you really are or you’re untalented and won’t ever be good enough or you’re undeserving of love. You’re not. I promise you that you are not. For a long time you’re going to surround yourself with people who don’t believe in you and people who care more about themselves than your feelings and people who you think are saving you, but are actually just numbing it for a while. You are going to feel so so so lost and alone and you’re going to leave middle school a little smarter, but with no idea who you are or what you want or where you are going. But you also leave middle school knowing who to keep around, who to part ways with, and most importantly, who will support you and make you feel loved and happy and wonderful all the time. Even at your worst. High school is going to open your eyes to who you are and what you’ll become and it’s so freaking exciting. I know you may not see a clear or realistic direction for yourself, but there is one. And spoiler alert: you won’t find it in middle school. You see, everything that seems so big and so wild and so important in middle school really aren’t. They’ll seem so huge and momentous and life-changing, but once they’re over and your world gets a little bigger, those things seem so trivial. You’re going to sob your eyes out at graduation because you will never talk to most of those people again, and you’re right. You won’t. But the thing is that you won’t need to, and won’t even particularly want to. Because when you’re forced to step away and look at your life from an even further perspective, you don’t need a million people to like you, or even love you- you only need the ones who matter. And the people who matter to you now will be so different in a year and two years and three years down the line, but that’s for you to discover. Just remember that middle school is not your peak and it is not the most important part of your life and the people you consider family will be strangers within a year or two. Maybe that’s sad and maybe it isn’t, but I promise that it’s okay and it’s exciting and it’s not as horrible as it probably sounds to you right now. Know that there are people that love you and people in your future that will be so worth meeting. Know that you’re loved and even though you’ll do a lot (A LOT) of really stupid things, you won’t regret a single one because they’ll make great stories someday and even though they’ll make you cringe, at least you know that you’re an original and not just another vanilla human being. Enjoy not having to worry about finals or college or your future ahead of you, because once you hit 9th grade it all comes crashing in at once. Enjoy not being old enough to stay up after 11 and enjoy not having to be at 14 hour rehearsals and actually having free time. Enjoy not having braces. Enjoy being a kid, actually a kid, without having to worry about *dun dun dun* looming adulthood. You’ll be okay, even when you don’t think you’ll be and the best is always right around the corner. Always. Even if it’s a really long corner.
Love Always,
Me
—  A Letter to Middle School Me
Finally, I was able to let go of your hands. To all the “could have been”. To all the possibilities, to all the chances we missed. I let go but I’ll never forget. I let go and started breathing again.
—  her (MIS), please take good care of yourself, I loved you

Dear you,
I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t even know how I feel about you.

All I know is I miss you. I want you. I want to tell you everything. I want your arms around me. God, that was one of the best hugs I’ve ever gotten.

All I know is you listen. You always listen. Your door is always open and you always say hi when you see me.

All I know is I look for you in crowds, in the street, in the hallway.

All I know is everything reminds me of you.

All I know if that you’re who I think of, always. When I’m happy, when I’m upset, when I’m numb.

All I know is that I don’t have a word for this feeling. Maybe it’s love. Maybe it’s not. But it doesn’t matter because all I know is that it’ll never happen and you’ll never know.

Sincerely,
Me

—  c.t.//letter to you//day 29
Caro migliore amico, 7/08.

Cosa posso dirti? 

In realtà sono tante le cose che ti vorrei dire, ma ogni volta che provo a farle uscire dalla mia bocca non viene fuori mai niente. Un vuoto mentale. Un’amnesia. 

Penso di essermi innamorata, per la prima volta in tutta la mia vita. Mi sono innamorata di te, giorno dopo giorno. Dei tuoi occhi, delle tue labbra, del tuo viso; mi sono innamorata persino delle tue battute sarcastiche, della rabbia che provi per te stesso per ogni cosa che fai di sbagliato. 

Mi sono innamorata del tuo comportamento strano, della tua voglia di vivere a pieno le tue giornate. Mi sono innamorata anche del modo in cui reggi l’arma che ti uccide tra l’indice e il medio; ora dopo ora, minuto dopo minuto. Nel modo in cui aspiri il fumo e subito dopo lo ricacci.

Mi sono innamorata delle tue mani, delle vene sporgenti all’interno del tuo avambraccio. Mi sono innamorata della tua risata che si sente a due miglia di distanza. 

Mi sono innamorata del tuo comportamento protettivo, dal modo in cui subito ti incazzi se qualcuno mi fa del male. Mi sono innamorata del tuo lato geloso, anche se cerchi di non farlo vedere.

Mi sono innamorata del modo in cui ti metti in mezzo alle risse, solo per mettere la pace. Magari ti becchi anche qualche pugno, ma poi sei felice, perchè sai che qualcosa la sai fare.

Mi sono innamorata di te, perchè quando mi guardi nel mio stomaco non ci sono quelle farfalline del cazzo, no, ci sono degli uragani. Degli uragani che mettono sotto sopra ogni organo che c’è nel mio stomaco. 

Perchè cazzo si, io ti amo.