letter-to-you

Ever since we broke up, I tried to get you out of my mind. I wanted to forget about you.

But the little things got to me. Remember the white daises you gave me when I cried? One tiny daisy was growing at my backyard. Did you see the bright full moon yesterday? I remembered when you showed me the constellations before the meteor shower.

It hurt when the memories unconsciously flooded my mind. My heart ached for once more chance to do it all over again. I want to go back in time and see you again.

I want to go back with us together again.

—  m.d. // unread letters #1
i dream of us being together. me and you laughing and smiling. driving through the city listening to music. being able to do homework together in silence because we’re just simply enjoying each other’s company. sitting down watching the sunset and laying down looking up at the stars. being able to look at you and think to myself about how lucky i am to call you mine.
—  excerpt from a book i’ll never write #14 // but it will only ever be a dream
Apologies to a 15 year old me

I’m sorry I’ve dyed and cut and permanently straightened your hair so much- it was better the way it was and now it will never be the same.

I’m sorry I quit gymnastics- I know you loved it. And soccer and track and tennis and skiing and the piano. I’m so, so sorry- I was lazy. But you don’t regret it as much as you thought you would.

I’m sorry I didn’t use more of that cream on your scar or maybe I’m sorry I used as much as I did- because now, 10 years later, you’re still not comfortable with it and it puts a strain on a lot of your relationships. But know that you’ve grown to accept that it’s part of who you are and there is no “you” without that scar.

I’m sorry I hurt that boy you cared about so much once you finally got him. You’ll know who I’m talking about in 3 years. That is something I didn’t mean, that was a mistake.

On the topic of boys, I’m sorry I’ve talked to and done more with boys you would never have wanted me to talk to. But you’ll understand what it’s like to not use your brain. It’ll take a few years because you always use yours now and you won’t start actually drinking until junior year of college. But one day in 2009 and then again in 2011 and 2016, you’ll understand what it’s like to fall so quickly for someone you shouldn’t.

I’m sorry that I didn’t live up to everything you and everyone else knew I could be. I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to buy dad a car yet and I didn’t get into Harvard Law and I don’t have a secret modeling career on the side. I’m also sorry that everyone else led you to believe you could do anything in the world and be amazing at it because sometimes that’s just not possible and it has nothing to do with you or how amazing you are.

I’m sorry you eventually forget most of your languages and stop trying to learn them but you pick up a little bit of a few new ones and you eventually make it out of the country. And sorry, but you hate it.

Lastly, I’m sorry your current crush gets married in college and I’m sorry your next crush won’t give you the time of day and I’m sorry your amazing SAT scores still weren’t enough for Columbia and I’m sorry that I didn’t try in high school because maybe if I did, they would have been. And I’m sorry you lose touch with your current best friends but it’s okay, really. And I’m sorry but no, the boys in high school don’t ever give you the attention you for some reason want but they’re all fat and bald now and you’re somehow even more pretty.

And I know it might not sound like it but you are so happy right now. You get that sister-like best friend you always wanted, you stay up until 5am laughing your ass off with friends and strangers more times than you can count, you still have abs, you get more boys than you know what to do with, you graduate the best college you could have chosen summa cum laude, you have neighbors that show up at your door with wine and ice cream (yes, seriously), you learn so many new games and expressions that you love, Grandma makes it to 100, Uncle Rich is still the coolest uncle around, and it takes 7 more years but you finally get your first puppy.

Oh but most of all, you haven’t lost sight of who you are. And you never, ever can. Shine bright, you crazy diamond. I love you and everything you become.
I never liked sleeping with other people. I would get too hot or my arm would go numb and I would inevitably pry myself away and retreat to my own side of the bed. I never liked sleeping with other people until you fell asleep holding me as if I was a priceless treasure that someone might try to steal from you in the middle of the night. I still wake up periodically throughout the night but now I wake up to your kisses on my shoulder and I briefly realize how happy I am before drifting back to sleep. No, I never liked sleeping with other people but then again, I’ve never liked any of those people as much as I like you.
—  Letters to you (7-21-2015)
we would be so perfect together. we would work through our differences and hardly ever argue because we want the same things. we’ve been in each other’s lives for so long, we can skip the awkward getting to know each other part. we already make each other so happy, we would make each other even happier. we’ll have that happy ending and love each other forever, can’t you see it?
—  excerpt from a book i’ll never write #12 // things i wish i could say to you
I hope you get the chance to meet someone at a bar that makes you want to stay out until 3am on a Wednesday.

I hope that same girl laughs at your stupid jokes and will go to sci-fi movies with you.

I hope you one day have coworkers that value your opinions and make you excited to go to work in the morning and leave drawings on your desk.

I hope that one Christmas morning you get to see the look on your daughters face when you surprise her with a puppy.

I hope you have sons that look just like you and appreciate spending time with you because I know you’ll be at every soccer game.

I hope you can go to sleep easily knowing that people love you and your efforts are worth it.

I really just hope that one day you’re genuinely, seriously happy and you forget about everything that ever hurt you, including me.
No, I don’t care how many times he apologized or how many nights you spent crying over him. You can never go back to him, you can’t let him play you ever again. I know he’s been your best friend for years and that once upon a time he told you he loved you, but HE left you. He decided he didn’t want you, so now you have to move on and know that you are worthy. He’s going to regret leaving and he’ll come right back, but no you can never go back to him.
—  Letters to myself @iloveyouforeverandmore
No matter how hard it is, just run. Just keep going. It really doesn’t matter if you fly or run or walk or even crawl– honestly, it’s reaching that line and looking back and thinking, hey I did that. I mean, it’s better to look back and go ‘Wow I can’t believe I came so far’ than to look forward and go 'damn, I never did reach’.
—  daily letter to all you lovely people (with some inspiration from RUN by BTS) 

I long for you. I, who usually long without longing as though I am unconscious and absorbed in neutrality and apathy, really, utterly, long for you // Franz Kafka.

Dear soulmate,
Where are you? How much longer do I have to wait? You have no idea about all the things I have thought of for us, the love, the fights, the heartbreak, but then the patch up. The commitment. I imagine us camping out on a sandy beach with hundreds of trees and wildlife wrapping us up in a blanket of nature, as the ocean waves along the shore, almost like a calling for our love. There’ll be a campfire in front of us as the smell of burning wood disintegrates in the air and the breeze swiftly carries it west. You and I would be laying back on our towels, staring at the night sky. That night, the stars will shine for us and the moon will radiate a reunion. Then I’ll tell you all about my life, where I grew up, what I like, what I don’t like. And then you’ll tell me where you grew up, what you like and what you don’t like. We’ll exchange stories and wonder why we haven’t met earlier on, but we will be glad that we did meet, now. Then you’ll bring out your guitar and start singing a tune, I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting you to be a singer, but you’ll try and so will I. We both will get so lost in each other’s tune that we won’t even know when, or how we fell in love. That song that we were singing, well let’s just say that from then onwards, it’ll be our song. The song that can break fights, the one we dance to in the kitchen, the one that the other puts on when one of us feels low. The song that the universe smiles at every time it’s played. Right there, on that beach, we will make stories enough for a lifetime, but the only problem is, you aren’t here yet. We haven’t met yet. But hey, I hope you get this letter and that you come soon. Don’t think that I’m incredibly lonely and that this is a desperate plea for you to come along faster because right now, I am beyond happy with my life. But I don’t know, sometimes there’s this craving for someone that isn’t there, someone I haven’t met but I feel like I’ve known all along. I guess it might just be me. I’m writing this to you because I need you to hear me out, and although you don’t officially know me, I guess I’ll feel better knowing that it’s out there in the universe. Listen, I have way more planned for us than just the beach and I just have so much to tell you, till then, I’ll be waiting.
— 

yours always

the part that complements your whole

i hate you. i hate how you made me fall for you so much harder than you fell for me. i hate how you made me believe you would never leave. i hate how all of your “i love you"s were all lies. i hate how you made me so dependent on you. i hate how you left me in the dust and forgot about me. i hate how i let you come and go as you pleased. i hate how i hate myself because of you. i hate how i dont hate you.
—  excerpt from a book i’ll never write #11 // not only did you leave me but you took my self love with you
Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling.
—  C.S. Lewis | Mere Christianity
A Letter From You PT2

AN: HERE IT IS! I’m sorry it’s not super long… Thanks to @teen-mendes for.. well I think you know why and @saysweartogod bc I needed to be threatened Shit also thank you for the insanely overwhelming response for the first pt. It was incredible and hopefully this lives up to it 

Part 1


Originally posted by pickeringgod

I almost knock on the door, considering how I’ll feel if I see her face again. If she sees me, again. Will she yell? Beg me to leave? Ask me to say? Give me a look of pain, wondering what came over me to suddenly show up? Will my craving of her finally turn back to my reality?

Instead I leave the letter on the ground, covering it so it won’t blow away. Just that simple task gives me hope she’ll read it. Of course she will. No matter how many voices in her head tell her no she’ll have to know what words I wrote.


“So it’s done?” I nod, slipping out of me shoes and the jean jacket she gave me. Aaliyah is leaning again the wall, but I can’t figure out the blank expression on her face. I know it’s been hard on her. To keep herself together when I’m the one who’s affected in a different way, but I won’t pretend like Aaliyah isn’t hurt. That’d be stupid.

“Do you want to do something today? We could drive into Toronto? Go to the mall?”

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