letter-to-you

You were thunderstorms
With rain that looked like glass, but didn’t cut

You were restless nights of thoughts
Like loud music stuck in my head

Your words lit up my world
Like the city lights the night

Your hand was a lock
And mine was its key

Your mind was dark, narrow hallway
Until I turned on a light and showed you a door

My heart was a ballroom
Still echoing the footsteps of ghosts
Until you lifted me up, and taught me to dance

You are not my heartbeat
That remains my own

I am not your other half
Without me you’re still whole

I don’t belong to you
Nor do you belong to me

But it’s never been about that
It’s always been about belonging together

—  Be With Someone, Not to Someone

sometimes i forget what an un-shonen-like protagonist gintoki is… and think about how such a good for nothing, rent slacking, sadistic man is the most beautiful and inspiring character i’ve ever encountered.

sometimes i just get super busy with life but then i sometimes see yorozuya or shinsengumi or any characters on my dash just BEING THERE and i realize how much i take this series for granted, forget how wonderful it really is and why i fell in love with this series in the first place. this series always brings me such joy and makes me reflect on life. 

Request/suggestions are open!

Hey everyone! I’m nearly at 4k followers so i thought as a thanks i’ll open my request/suggestions 💕 I’m not sure for how long though! Hahaha

Anyway…They’ll most likely be done as sketches!
But I’ll try my best to get to most of them!

My only rule is no OCs!

Although I’ve moved on, I still think about you sometimes and how I wish I could call you and tell you all the things I never had the chance to say. Or maybe I did have the chance, I just never took it. I don’t know. I hope that you are filled with excitement and passion. I hope that you are more motivated, hard-working, sensible, and most of all, content with the person you are growing into. I’m sure your plans for life have changed since you last told me all about them, but plans don’t ever work out the way you want them to. Ours didn’t. So wherever, however, and whoever you end up being, I hope you are bubbling with excitement, sick with passion, consumed by hope, motivated by fear, stronger than pain, and your heart pulses with joy.
—  Everything I Never Said
I thought you should know
That I’ve made up my mind.
I’m moving across the country,
To Arizona.
Please don’t follow me there;
I know you love the warm weather
And you love me,
But the warm weather
Will still come to you once a year
And I will come visit as well.
No, I’m not trying to hide something;
I have nothing to hide.
I just need to see a new
Part of the world through eyes
That are entirely my own.
I live too quietly here;
I need to find my voice.
Maybe then I will have
Something to hide,
But at least then I will have
Something to show.
—  I’m moving.
I think that if we had met under the right circumstances, we would’ve been perfect for each other. But life doesn’t work that way, and I’m always a little too late.
— 

-We could’ve written a love story for the ages.

-m.t.t.

Dear you,
I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t even know how I feel about you.

All I know is I miss you. I want you. I want to tell you everything. I want your arms around me. God, that was one of the best hugs I’ve ever gotten.

All I know is you listen. You always listen. Your door is always open and you always say hi when you see me.

All I know is I look for you in crowds, in the street, in the hallway.

All I know is everything reminds me of you.

All I know if that you’re who I think of, always. When I’m happy, when I’m upset, when I’m numb.

All I know is that I don’t have a word for this feeling. Maybe it’s love. Maybe it’s not. But it doesn’t matter because all I know is that it’ll never happen and you’ll never know.

Sincerely,
Me

—  c.t.//letter to you//day 29
An ode to nurses, from a palliative patient

As I lay here, in my hospital bed, awaiting to die, I develop a routine.
The mornings, I awake with a dry mouth and a wet pad,
My lungs ache with tiredness, and my bottom is sore.
My family comes to visit each day with sadness on their face,
and my doctor comes in, with pity, as he knows the end I will face.
It all becomes familiar.

But you, dear nurses, do not.
Each day, a different face enters my room, just as caring as the last, just as understanding of my fate.
But always, the kindness seeps through.

First, the seasoned nurse enters with a look of knowing - she has seen patients like me too many times before.
Her hands are skilled, her pace is steady. She is efficient, yet attends to all my needs. With her, I feel safe. I know that I am in good hands, and that if I pass with her, I will pass well.
I can tell that though she has a big heart, she is careful of letting me in. It has broken too many times for a patient before.
Her reservations do not annoy me, as they may with some, but instead tell me a story of her life full of service to others.
She knows the signs of passing, and knows that though I am near, it is not quite time yet.
It will not be her who is with me when my time comes.

Next enters the “new grad”. Her face is young and beautiful, but shows a special kind of hope that the nurse before her did not share.
Oh, you know my fate as well, but you are still hopeful. For what I am not sure, but I see that it drives you.
You are not the one who is with me when I pass, but almost.
You are there when my blood pressure plummets, pushing drugs you never have pushed before.
Instead of a steady hand, it is anxious with worry. But alas, young one, you comfort me as well. For if your face was the last one I were to see before I died, then I would see the face of hope. And that would be a good last sight.
You are so studious, taking my vitals more than any nurse before, asking me how I feel, and scolding me when I say “fine.”
“I’m here for you” you coo, “don’t try to be so tough. Be honest with me.”
For unlike the nurse before you, you still let yourself become attached. And when you hear of my death, you cry. But take heart, my dear. I will miss you and your kindness the most.

Then, comes the end. I can feel it coming. I can feel my bones becoming stiff, my lungs becoming full, and my heart becoming weak. The next nurse can feel it too. This nurse and I are one in the same, and he understands my will to be strong until the very end. But he knows as well that the pain meds he convinces me to take, despite my protests, are the only things that are keeping me calm. He is keeping me calm, he is preparing me for death.
His strength makes me feel as though he is my protector, willing to fight with the gods to keep me pain free, to make my last moments comfortable. And he does.
All shift, I cling to life, keeping him on his toes. But finally, at 0600, with his brow furrowed with acceptance and sadness, I close my eyes one last time.
Too early for my family to be at my bedside, it is only him.
I use all of my last ounce of strength to try to communicate to him with my eyes a thank-you. To ask him to tell the other nurses I appreciate them. Though all different, they all cared for me tremendously. And I can feel them all here, with us, as I take my last breath.

*this was written by me, after an experience with a palliative patient that touched my heart. The words are written on behalf of him, by the emotions he communicated to me during his last days*

9

Dearest Baobei 이동해, 李东海, ドンヘ, Lee Donghae :3

Wow, this is actually the fourth year I am writing you a letter. Time sure had passed.. XD Again I have to elaborate though that I’m not always good with words but let me try again :3

Between last year and up until now, there are a lot of things that had happened to you. Your SS5 tour with Super Junior finished previously this year, then you had starred in a short movie The Youth and casted in drama God’s Quiz 4 (return of actor hae!). With SJM you promoted SWING album. And you have promoted in D&E unit with Hyukjae and even did your first tour in Japan with him. You welcomed back your dearest Teuk hyung back in your arms :’) Then together with SJ you boys have released 7jib “MAMACITA” and commenced the SS6 plus achieved your 100th concert ♥ You’re now even preparing for your second D&E album with Hyukjae and you have upcoming SS6 tour ahead of you. Every single thing you did last year, by yourself or with the boys, was amazing and special in their own ways.

You have grown more with every activities you do; more handsome, more popular, but you are still the kind and humble Donghae that speaks softly and always considerate for the others :3 When things get rough, you always find the bright side of them and that inspires you to do harder, to achieve higher. That’s your qualities that I always admire from you.

I would like to express my biggest gratitude for you. You may not believe it, heck you may not even know it (for I’m just that tiny blue dot among the sapphire blue ocean); but really, you have done a lot of things to me. You are the ups when I’m in the down. Your smile lifts me up, and you make me want to smile with you. Your continuous achievements motivate me to do better with what I’m doing right now; I want to be a better person because of you. Thank you for everything you’ve done to me ;;

My simple wish for you is for you to always be happy with whatever you are doing, wherever you are and with whomever you be with. I trust that you will not fail in chasing your biggest dreams. With your family around you and friends that support you, you will reach that highest star. I pray for your success and will always watch you though from far. I will not stop loving you even when soon, the time for you to serve your country is coming. I will continue to support you until the time you are back.

Hope you have the sweetest birthday ever! Happy birthday♥

I saw you with her
and the sadness
washed over me
once more.
Please don’t misunderstand,
for i was overjoyed
to see you smiling
and laughing together,
to see you genuinely happy.

But you had just spent months
convincing me that
all those people who broke me
weren’t worth my time,
that it was okay to walk away
from the ones who had hurt you.

She stabbed you
through the heart,
so you ripped it
right out of your chest
and handed
it back
to her.

—  e.m.b, please follow your own advice.
The worst part is, I miss you and I can’t even tell you or do anything about it.
— 

-And all I want to do…. Is to stop missing you.

-m.t.t.

2

Dear Park Jung Soo,

Thank you for take care ur dongsaeng..now they all grown up well.ELF and other members very thankful because your faith , sweat , voice , hard work , etc . make SJ like this. Maybe our love not comparable with what u do for us.But , we will try to love SJ until forever. 

Even u will leave us for  2 years , we still can take care ourselves .Dont worry . ELF will wait you and we never stop loving you :) Keep Smile and take care urself . Park Jung Soo Hwaiting ! 

                                                                 your angles ,ELF       

The one who loves him next

To the one who loves him next:
I don’t hate you for its not your fault. I do want to tell you something though

Remember that you’re a lucky girl. You have the one thing I hold closest in my heart. Remember you’re lucky even when he’s so mad he can’t talk cause that will happen. Remember you’re lucky because when you’re mad he will hold you and kiss you till all is forgiven.

Promise me you’ll hold his hand in the car he loves that. He really likes surprises so take him a snickers bar at work on a random day those are his favorites and he will smile at the sight of you.

Love him fiercely please he needs that. He will want to fight and battle but he always wants love and happiness find your balance with him and you will be forever loved.

Hold onto him, he’s worth it.
-the one who loves him most