Let me splurge a bunch of dark vocaloid recommendations (like psycho) onto you. So if you want songs like psycho then look for MARETU, Shitoo and Kikuo songs because they're in the same sort of vein as psycho, or listen to wide knowledge of the late, madness; outer science, lost time memory, secrets of wysteria and alice of human sacrifice. If you want some softer (and still depressing) songs check out nekobolo and narry. Sorry if you've listened to these already but you must join me in hell.^-^
#implying I’m not already inside maretus ass and have been following kikuo for years
#shitoo I just recently discovered through the one eyes monologue series and squelch
A/N: Okay so this is the first kind of sad one I’ve written. I wrote this after I watched the new episode this week (6x09). I was so emotionally moved by that ep that I cried when I wrote this. Anyways, thank you once again to @dumbass-stilinski for helping me edit this and help with the song choices for this one. IF you don’t want this to end sadly, let me know if you want a part 2! Enjoy reading!
“Stiles you don’t get it!” You screamed at him, your body boiling up with rage.
“What don’t I get Y/N!” Stiles yells back at you, causing your body temperature to rise even higher than before.
Your voice softened and all the muscles relaxed,“You don’t want me Stiles, you want her, you want Lydia.” Suddenly, you weren’t even angry anymore, you were just filled with sadness.
You were tired of doing this to yourself. He wanted Lydia, he has been in love with her since the 3rd grade, but you, you have been in love with Stiles Stilinski since the 3rd grade, but know one knew. You were sick of meeting up with him in secret just to relieve both of your sexual frustrations. You didn’t want to keep going with this because you were trying to save yourself from heartbreak. It didn’t mean anything more to him than sex, and after 6 months, you finally had come to terms with it.
He didn’t say anything but flash what you took as a look of apology and guilt. You couldn’t even look him in the eye.
“Y/N, that’s not-”
“Look Stiles. I’m tired of this okay. You know how I have felt about you forever. Let’s just not pretend anymore, I love you but the feelings are not mutual. I’m such an idiot for letting it get this far,” you sighed as a hot tear ran down your cheek, “I think you should just leave okay, pretend what we have been doing for the last six months never happened. See you around Stilinski.” You opened the door of your bedroom and motioned with a hand signal for him to leave.
“Please Y/N just listen to me.” Stiles cried out.
“Just go please! It’s hard enough as it is!” You urged, needing to be alone to analyse the situation.
He finally left and you slammed your door shut. You let out the rib shaking sob you had kept in the whole time you two argued. You decided to grab a change of clothes and have a shower, hoping the water would clean you of your heartbreak from the boy you have loved for 8 years, and just make you forget about everything, for a little while.
You laid your clothes on the bench in your bathroom, and brought your phone to play your slow, chill playlist in an attempt to relax you. You hopped into the shower and turned the water on, letting your body absolutely soak in it. The water surged around your body, encasing you completely with it’s cool and smooth touch. The water on your skin that at first felt only a smidgen cold, has turned to full on biting as you turn the hot water up to nearly its maximum temperature. Your skin began to sting, turning a bright red from the harsh caress of the liquid, but it made you feel good, good enough to nearly forget what happened five minutes ago, but it’s wasn’t enough.
Suddenly, you felt the same hot tears from before run down your face, overwhelmed by what happened. The shock had finally worn off when you realised that just before you began arguing was the last time you would feel his arms wrapping around you, his soft, delicate touch which you now yearned for.
Your thoughts about him were interrupted when you felt someone press against your backside in the shower. You felt long, skinny fingers run up your arm, the touch all too familiar. It was Stiles.
He grabbed your sides and turned you around to face him. You couldn’t look at him as he wiped the tears off of your face with his thumb. He then began rubbing his thumb in circles on your cheek, you still couldn’t look at him, and continued to let tears splurge from your eyes.
“Come on Y/N, look at me,” He whispered, and you slowly looked up, seeing that his eyes were watery, tears falling down his face, “You know I didn’t mean to hurt you, but just look at me.” You grabbed his hand that was cupping your face and and held it, sparks flying all around your body when you connected your hand with his.
“I know Stiles, I know that’s not who you really are.” He replied by pressing his lips against yours, and you immediately responded. He moved his hands down to your ass, kneading it.
It felt so right, but you stopped and pulled away. You had to, or it would just make it harder to get over him. You moved closer to the glass wall and turned your back to him. He moved closer you, sending a shiver down your spine.
“Come on Y/N, please, just keep looking at me, please.” He turned you around to face him again, like he did when he first got in the shower.
He ran his long, slick fingers through your wet hair and just like that, you crashed your lips against his. You couldn’t help yourself, you were so in the moment you had forgotten about how much more complex things had suddenly become.
The kiss deepened as Stiles slipped his tongue between your slightly gaping lips, tongues roaming around everywhere in each others mouths. He bit down and nibbled on your bottom lip before moving down to your ear, sucking on your lobe, driving you absolutely crazy. He knew that was your sensitive spot. He then moved down to your neck and sucked just above your collarbone, which was your other sensitive spot, causing you to let out a soft moan. You entangled your hands in his hair and pulled on it, causing him to let out a low, throaty growl.
He moved down your body, cupping your breasts and taking one in his mouth, swirling his tongue around your nipple, making you roll your eyes to the back of your head. As Stiles continued to suck on your nipple, he slip his index and middle finger in between your folds, earning a loud groan from you.
You returned the favour by slowly starting to pump his length a few times, his head rolling back, nearly hitting it on the glass wall of the shower. He turned you around, pushing you up against the glass door, pulling your left leg up and lining his tip up with your entrance, slowly pushing himself all the way inside of you, the both moaning each other’s name. He pulled in and out slowly, taking his time, which was very different to what would usually happen the other times you had sex. There was always constant ass-slapping, hair pulling, dirty talking and just straight out fucking until you both nearly slipped out of consciousness from the mind- blowing orgasms you had, but this felt extremely different. It was so much more intimate, it felt more like he was making love to you, it was more than just a fuck to him.
He began to pick up his pace a little, but he still wasn’t moving as fast as he usually would. You put both hands up a against the glass for support. You begin to feel every single tiny muscle in your body tense up and the familiar pit in your stomach began to increase. You clenched around him a few times before both hitting your release at the same time, panting furiously as you both rode out your highs.
You and Stiles hopped out of the shower and got changed.
“Y/N?” He turned and looks at you, his eyes full of concern.
“What is it Stiles?” You looked at him and brought your hand up to his face. You sighed as you realised this was actually the last time were you would have to say goodbye to him. He stood there looking at you for minute. He put his hand on the one that was still cupping his face, he even rested his head on it, putting value in your touch.
“It should have always been you Y/N. Yeah I was in love with Lydia, but that is in the past. I am such a fucking idiot for not seeing that it was, still is, always should’ve been, you.” Tears threatened to spill down your face.
“Come on Stiles, you know that’s not true what you are saying. It’s the sex talking, not you.” He pressed his forehead against yours and you closed your eyes, the tears from earlier spilling out.
“It’s true Y/N. I’ll do anything to prove it to you.” He whimpered, plead laced though his voice. You wanted to believe him, so badly, but you just couldn’t. You knew what he really wanted, Lydia.
“Look Stiles, I want to believe you but I just can’t. As long as Lydia is in the picture, I don’t know if I can ever believe you.” You moved away from him, a continuous stream of tears running down his face. He tried to grab your arm, but you pushed him away. You grabbed a bag and stuffed it with clothes. You also grabbed your car keys and ran downstairs and outside into your car.
You banged your hands against the steering wheel and let out a scream, sobs continuously erupting from you. You eventually put the key in your ignition and began driving without a destination. Even though she was one of the last people you wanted to see, you always ended up at Lydia’s house when something was wrong.
You ran out of you car and banged on her door while yelling her name. She opened the door and her mouth dropped to the floor when she saw the emotional, terrible state you were in. She grabbed you and pulled you up to her room.
You sat on her bed, and she sat next you. She handed you a tissue and asked you,
“Okay Y/N, what the hell is going on?”
You began to explain what happened from the beginning. How they fought about you and how you told him you loved him but he was in love with her, and pretty much just using you for sex. Then you continued with all the details from the shower and the words you exchanged after. A long river of tears flowed from your eyes.
“Wow Y/N, I don’t mean for this to come off insensitive, but Stiles wasn’t lying with what he said.” Lydia smiled at you rubbing her hand along your arms. You froze.
“What? Lydia how is that possible?” A flutter of butterflies arises in your stomach.
“Yeah, he came here before with Scott. He said the same thing to us, practicing what he was going to say to you. Scott even heard his heartbeat when he said it out loud, and it didn’t skip a beat. He really does love you Y/N.”
You eyes widened after Lydia had finished talking and that’s when it hit you, He wasn’t lying, he was telling the truth, and you realised you had made a big mistake.
I had a come to Jesus moment last night/this morning, and I realized I’m not going to let shitty people ruin prom for the SECOND YEAR in a row. This is my incredibly beautiful dress (S/O to Sherri Hill) that my mother let me splurge on, and I am beyond in love with it. I took charge of the prom group and said that we will NOT be eating subs before prom; we will, however, be making reservations at one of three restaurants that will cater to every single individual in the group. This is my SENIOR prom, and there is no way in hell that I will be sitting in my room during it.
Scenario: Your best friends with TOP and when he takes a shower you fall asleep. When he finds you on his couch, wrapped up in one of his sweaters, he approaches you and gives you a small kiss, right when you wake up? A/N: So I absolutely love writing for TOP, although he can be a bit of a pain in the ass. Case in point: the way I ended this. I personally don’t mind it, but you may find it…weird? But I mean weirdness suits him so….Regardless, I really hope you can enjoy this! And I’m sorry that it took me so long to get this out to you! Genre: TOP x Reader Words: 3158 Disclaimer: As always, the gifs used are not mine and belong to their rightful owners!
You were struggling to catch your breath. Your body hunched in half, hands on your knees, as you gulped in precious amounts of air.
“It’ll work better if you stand up straight and put your hands behind your head. It’ll open up the lungs.”
A scowl creased your features as you looked up at TOP. Sweat decorating his head like a crown, while you looked like someone dumped a bucket of water on top of your head.
He looked at you expectantly; waiting to see if you would take his advice. You wanted to stay stubborn but you wanted air in your lungs more. TOP gave a satisfied nod when you stood up and laced your hands behind your head.
“It helps doesn’t it?”
How someone could still look ridiculously put together with sweat, a hoodie, and track suit was beyond you. It wasn’t fair. You were sure the smell in the air was you. God, you really hoped it wasn’t you.
“I refuse to give you any credit. Seriously, you smoke. How are you not dying right now?”
TOP simply shrugged, more graceful than a clumsy movement of limbs.
RIARKLE HEADCANNONS WHEN THEY OFFICIALLY START DATING PLEASE.
Okay so first and foremost, Farkle and Smackle do not make it past 9th grade
Like they’re cute and all but it’s just not meant to be
Anyway, so when Farkle finally caught Riley in the act of stealing all his fucking clothes it was just before summer break
And they have a total blast that summer
But Riley, while giving up her kleptomaniac ways for the most part (not all together lmao), is still giving him orange roses all the time
And he’s so confused
Like sometimes it might just be because he won a debate or got a lead in a musical- like a congratulations gift you know?- but other times he’ll just walk in the door and she’ll throw a bouquet of the flowers at him
It’s literally orange roses and he doesn’t know what that’s supposed to mean. And if the drama of Belgium 1831 has taught us anything, it’s that Farkle Minkus apparently just doesn’t believe in google or some shit like omfg
(Important Note: Riley is fucking obsessed with the Language of Flowers)
So anyway this keeps going on and they start 10th grade and suddenly Riley is really annoyed at him
Like all the fucking time
And you know he takes pride in being able to basically read Riley’s mind so he is so confused about why she’s mad at him
And one day he makes the apparent mistake of simply asking her what’s wrong
It’s a mistake because she snaps on his ass
Starts going on and on about how he never really listens or pays attention to her, like she always deals when he goes off on excited nerdy tangents, not because she cares but because she loves how much he loves what he’s talking about, but Farkle can’t show her the same courtesy. That if he at least pretended to care he would have paid attention long enough to figure out why she’s mad
And this poor poor boy is just like???? WHAT?????? As Maya groans in the background (Zay, however was prepared for this with a bowl of popcorn. Lucas is distracted by something on his phone lmao)
Riley storms out and doesn’t talk to Farkle for a week
He knows he’s in trouble when she shows up to school one day wearing clothes she actually bought
Like he thought giving her space was what she wanted but when he saw the clothes he was lowkey heartbroken omg
So he asks Maya what’s wrong and OH BOY
She starts (half heartedly) smacking his arms and chest with a textbook
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE OUT OF US WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB”
“MAYA PLEASE I AM SO CONFUSED HERE”
And then she literally sits on top of him so he can’t get up, googles ‘flower definitions’ and shoves it in his face to make sure he reads it
And the first one he sees is “With their warm, vibrant tones, orange roses symbolize enthusiasm and desire. If you’re looking for a way to express admiration and attraction - with an underlying message of passion and excitement - then send a bouquet filled with these fiery blooms”
But then he sees a different definition saying “since they are a mix of yellow and red, orange roses can be used to symbolize the desire to make the jump from friendship to romance”
And he just yells “FUUUUUUUUCK” really loudly as Maya jumps off him because that hurt her ears
So now Farkle is having a flashback to when Riley got really into flower language back in like 4th or 5th grade and talked about it all the time but he would just tune her out
And he knows Riley knows that his memory is so sharp that his only reason for not having absorbed all her flower information is that he wasn’t paying attention
And if he had just figured out what orange roses meant they could’ve avoided all this and have it settled like a year ago
And another part of him is just screeching because HOLY SHIT RILEY MATTHEWS IS IN LOVE WITH ME
So he needs Maya to help plan the apology and lemme tell you they go hard
They get her parents, Auggie and Zay in on it too
Zay’s job is to film everything really subtly (Zay gets into film making in high school I need it)
So anyway Riley’s at school one day being mopey and she realizes Farkle’s just not in homeroom
Not that she was looking for him or whatever because who needs that loser amirite
But all throughout the day there’s no sign of him, which is weird- but she also keeps finding flowers which is even weirder
Like on the desk of every class she has, her locker is stuffed to the brim with them, the lunch lady gives her some with her lunch, when they’re walking home random people on the street keep coming up to her and giving her flowers
And they all have different meanings like it started with “sorry” and then there was “friendship” and “innocence” and “adoration” and “growth” and “excitement” like it seemed like a growing pattern
And she gets to her apartment door- Maya and Zay are with her (Lucas had been off visiting his grandfather for the week), and for some reason Zay had had his camera out all day- “I’m trying to be one of those documentary directors that just captures the moment, maaan!”
So they get to her apartment door and there’s a wreath of red roses on it which basically means “Love” (She has all the other flowers she got that day in her hand and back pack)
So she opens the door and her whole family is gone which is weird but they head to her bedroom and Farkle’s standing there
AND THE ROOM IS BASICALLY FLOOR TO CEILING ORANGE ROSES
And Farkle being himself just starts going on some sappy tangent that essentially boils down to “I’m hella sorry I'm still in love with you do you wanna go to homecoming with me?” and Riley is just like “YES!” it’s so cute
And they go to homecoming together and have the time of their lives and everything is so amazing and happy and then
Riley’s so fucking confused
The boy chickened out of kissing her at the dance and now they’re just acting like nothing ever happened????
Everyone is slowly going insane and Riley is just waiting for Farkle to make a move here
Our poor idiot fails to make a move omfg
So fast forward a few months, December 8th, Riley’s 16th birthday
Like not so much as forgot “December 8th is Riley’s birthday” but like no one fucking noticed it was December 8th omfg Cory and Topanga took Auggie to some school competition in Jersey. Shawn took Maya and Katy skiing for the weekend. Josh was in California trying to get his band signed to a record label. Zay and Lucas were in Texas. Riley was literally home alone with only a quick “Happy Birthday Sweetie I’ll take you shopping next week when I’ve got a quick break!” voicemail from her uncle Eric.
That is until she got a happy birthday text from Farkle
Because of course he’s the only one who remembers; especially since he forgot last year (she had still been giving him shit over that)
So she’s feeling a bit emotional over the situation and tells him and he is filled with a RIGHTEOUS FURY OMG
HE’S LITERALLY LIKE “PUT SOMETHING PRETTY ON I’LL BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES YOU ARE GETTING THE SWEET SIXTEEN OF YOUR LIFE IF IT KILLS ME”
And considering the boy had 20 minutes to prepare he went all out holy shit
And Riley was still feeling emotional and she remembered her mother talking about her Sweet Sixteen and wearing a beautiful red dress as she and Cory slow danced on tv in the middle of a wrestling ring and wanted to see if she still had the dress she wore
Topanga did in fact keep the dress stored away with all her ~happy memories~ and it fit Riley perfect so she’s like “fuck it I’m wearing this” (although she had to find some black tights and a jacket to go with it cause it’s December but she still looks hella)
Farkle shows up in a fucking suit and tie so Riley apparently made the right choice but he is TAKEN ABACK by her in that dress omg
So she’s like “alright what’s the plan” and he gets a bit of an almost evil smirk and he’s like “You have spent the last 10 years refusing to ever let me splurge on you but GUESS WHAT YOU’RE SIXTEEN AND I’M THE ADMITEDLY OVER PRIVELDGED SON OF A MULTI BILLIONAIRE IT’S GOING DOWN TONIGHT”
And Riley’s just like “You need to chill ever so slightly omfg”
Right off the bat he just hands her a fucking diamond necklace and she’s like “I cannot possibly take this it looks like it costs more than my apartment” and he’s like “yeah well my apartment costs more than half the city you do not get to complain tonight put the necklace on and lets go”
And they spend the first half of the day being super touristy like every possible tourist site they can hit up they do
They hit up the Art Museum too which she loves
Then boom Farkle just whips out tickets to a matinée of Mama Mia on Broadway out of his suit pocket and she's freaking out because she loves that show
They see that and go crazy and then afterwards he takes her to some super Riley-Boho dinner he found for lunch
Then he takes her to a real planetarium that’s much bigger and has more going for it than his bedroom
They walk around quite a lot but if there’s a distance they need to go that it’s just to cold for he just calls his fucking personal limo
And Riley feels so weird letting him pay for everything and all the special treatment but it’s also fun so like???
Then at like 6 o'clock he’s like ‘we gotta go’ and she’s like 'oh where are we going for dinner’ and he’s like 'dinners later I got Hamilton tickets’ and she SCREAMS
AND INTERNALLY SHE’S LIKE 'OKAY MAYBE LETTING HIM BE A RICH ASSHOLE EVERY NOW AND THEN ISN’T SO BAD"
So obvi they love the show and then he takes her to a fucking exclusive 5 star gourmet restaurant for dinner afterwards
She’s having the time of her life and the day was so fun she forgot about everyone else and she almost forgot how weird things had been with Farkle lately
Because apart from the big ridiculous gestures and getting spoiled all day their dynamic was very much the same and she’s glad it wasn’t awkward. It felt, emotionally at least, like a normal day just hanging out with Farkle
Okay so then he’s walking home and they’re stopped outside her mom’s bakery (cause she lives over it so ya know) and their just talking and laughing and there’s fucking Christmas lights everywhere like if there ever was a perfect Kiss-The-Girl moment it was now
And for a second it looks like it’s gonna happen but then he just blushes and says “Happy Birthday Riles” and starts to walk away
He barely gets two steps away when Riley, just completely exasperated, yells “JUST KISS ME, YOU DUMBASS”
The sentence is barely out of her mouth when he turns around and grabs her and finally kisses her and doesn’t miss
IT STARTS SNOWING DURING THEIR KISS BECAUS FUCKING OBVIOUSLY
AND THEY’RE SO HAPPY AND GIGGLY AND RILEY’S JUST LIKE “YOU COULD GO HOME OR YOU COULD COME UP TO MY EMPTY APARTMENT AND SLEEPOVER AND WATCH HORROR MOVIES WITH ME”
AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHAT CHOICE HE MADE
THEY’RE STILL KISSING THEIR FOREHEADS ARE TOUCHING END ME
And that’s the story of how riarkle starts dating e n d m e
These are some personal tips that help me lose weight. Everybody has their own system, so this may not work out for you, but if it does then I’m glad to help!
As some personal background history, I’m 5 feet 4 inches, and my heaviest weight was 154 pounds - which is overweight for that height btw. I started dieting in April 2013, and by the beginning of September 2013, I had lost 32 pounds and was 122 pounds.
I let myself go during the school year, however, and managed to eat my way all the back up to 140 pounds which was so not cool, so I’ve decided to begin my dieting again to go down to 120 pounds by the end of September. (I’ve already lost 5 pounds so far.)
First of all, people always tell you not to lose weight for other people but to lose weight only for yourself, and personally I think that’s some bullshit. Personally, I lost weight because I wanted to raise my self confidence. I wanted to be able to fit into the all too small cute clothes, and I wanted to be one of the “pretty” friends and have the cute fairy tail romance that exists in all the books.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
People call it shallow and unhealthy, but honestly just tell them to go to hell. If that’s what motivates you to lose weight, then use it! You just can’t let it control you, you can’t let that take over your mindset and force you to always look at yourself in a disgusted manner. Personally, I have a strong will, so I used my imperfections as motivation to work at them, and once I reached my goal I was perfectly fine with stopping. This doesn’t work for some people, however, and they end up letting their imperfections dictate how they live. Again, I’m only telling you guys things that helped me lose weight personally, and this isn’t something that everybody should take into consideration if they don’t have the proper will power for it.
Hi there. My name is Michelle Valdivia. I was the girl wearing the grey shirt and the tan and black sun hat today at Lake Merritt. You stole my backpack. You just came right up from behind me, snatched it and ran off. You even had a getaway car waiting, which seems really cool in movies but is not very cool in real life. I have several things to say you, sir, but not all of them are very nice, so I am going to keep this civil.
For one, I do not like you very much. I was trying to spend a quiet Saturday afternoon reading at the lake today. I have been going to a lot of trainings recently for my new job, and I am very tired. I just got hired as an after school program teacher at an elementary school in San Francisco. My first day is this Monday. I will be teaching 4th grade. I’m very nervous, mostly because I am inexperienced and I want the kids to have as fulfilling and educational experience as possible. You don’t need to know all this, but I want you to, because I want you to know a little more about the woman that you stole from, and how your actions have consequences, perhaps consequences greater than you can see.
Today you stole my backpack with some things in it. To be more specific you stole:
A small tan faux leather backpack that I bought while studying abroad in Barcelona. I worked really hard to be able to study abroad, and that backpack was the one thing I let myself splurge on while in Spain.
A small black wallet with my debit card, driver’s license, zipcard, Clipper card, and other miscellaneous junk. (I hope you enjoy the $100 worth of gas you bought with my card, and the $10 I have left on my clipper card.)
A brand new Van Gogh ‘Sunflowers’ journal that I got as a birthday present. I was really excited to start journaling again, and I love love LOVE Van Gogh. I would just give it someone, maybe your niece or daughter. Maybe she loves art. I hope she likes it.
An old thin Van Gogh journal. I wrote a lot of random stuff in the little one, but I also had some short poems I wrote in church once. I loved those poems. They were a part of me. And now you have them.
A chapstick and lip stain. Dang you got my favorite ones too, my Revlon one and the brand new sunscreen chapstick I bought. You don’t even need them. Jeez.
Trash. I’m a lady, and a lady always has trash in her purse.
A green water bottle with the words “Today is a great day to learn something new!” written on the side, as well as a sticker with a butterfly on it that says “Migration is natural”. The sticker my friend got for me at a woman’s empowerment conference we went to (so much for being empowered, when you took my bag I didn’t even chase after you. You scared me, what can I say?). The water bottle I got just last week, at a teacher training I went to. You should give it to one of your nieces/nephews. Give to them a love of learning.
Sea shells. At least, there should still be sea shells in that little front pocket. The sea shell story you’ll have to ask me about another time.
Maybe some gum? I think I had gum. You got my gum.
Here is a list of things you did not steal from me today:
My phone. I really depend on my phone a lot more than I thought I did.
The book I was reading, “Borderlands/La Frontera,” by Gloria Azaldua. Good thing too, it was a library book. If you are Mexican-American, I would DEFINITELY read it. I think you could learn a lot from her, I know I have. If you are Mexican-American, ay mijo, le voy a decir a tu mama lo que hiciste.
The fruit I had just bought at the farmer’s market. I bought pomegranates, my favorite fruit. Good thing you didn’t snatch those.
My love of Lake Merritt. Sure, this one bad thing happened to me, but I still love the lake. I’m just going to be a lot more careful next time about where I leave my things.
My trust in strangers. Right when you ran off, this girl ran up to me and asked me if you had stolen my purse. I was so out of it I didn’t know what to do, so she ran off to her friends to try to get your license plate number. She was so sweet, she asked if she could give me money so I could get home okay. She just stayed with me for a good five minutes while I cried and cried. This other older guy also came over and asked me if I was okay (I was crying my eyes out at this point, but I managed to get some words out). They showed me a kindness that is rare, and it is because of people like them that I will continue to trust strangers, even when strangers like you hurt me.
My sense of humor. I’m fucking hilarious, I don’t care what anyone says. Someday, I’m going to write a killer joke about this incident and perform it a comedy club and it is going to get a standing ovation, or just a hell of a lot of laughs.
My willingness to forgive. Believe it or not homie, one of these days (maybe when my debit card arrives and the pain of losing my favorite bag dissipates) I’m going to forgive you. Not because you have asked for my forgiveness, but because I want to be a woman that does not hold grudges. I want to be a woman of kindness, of love and compassion, and that means forgiving those who have hurt you.
My idea of Oakland as a complex place. Yeah, Lake Merritt is a nice area, but its also very representative of the city as a whole. People of all ages, races, and socio-economic status converge there. Its a busy place, it makes sense that there would be crime every once in a while. I guess I hit the lottery this time.
My love of learning, and my passion to serve communities in need. I bet you didn’t know that about me when you scouted me out to steal my bag. Yep. I majored in social welfare at UC Berkeley because I knew that there are things going on in the world, things like poverty, racism, and violence, and I wanted to be a person that works against those things. I’m still going to work against those things. You can’t take that away from me.
And finally, my ability to see a lesson in everything. I think there are some real solid reasons behind why you stole my bag today. I might never know those reasons, since I might never know you. But I do know that you had them. Maybe you felt pressured to do it by your “cool” friends that think stealing is a quick, easy way to get money. Do you know how people feel, especially women, when you come up behind them, grab something of theirs, and run off? It feels fucking terrifying. I really thought you were going to attack my physical body. I’m 5'3’’ homie, and I do not know how to defend myself at all. I didn’t care so much about my things. I felt scared because I didn’t know you nor what you were going to do, and in that moment, I really thought I was going to be physically assaulted by a strange man. (maybe the lesson is to get self-defense classes?) Maybe you just did it because you like to steal. I hear people get a rush out of it. Do you know what kind of rush I got today? I felt a rush of depression seeping into my skin, pulsing through my bloodstream, burning like acid. I have a history of getting stressed out about everything, and depression sometimes follows. I have worked really hard to be happy. I still do. Maybe, the lesson to learn from this is that happiness is fleeting and I should give in to the coming tide of sadness? Its probably not though. Maybe the lesson to take from this is that sometimes bad things happen, and you can’t let your whole world fall apart over those small things. This was a small thing. You stole some stuff, but you didn’t steal everything. I have my health, my super cool job, my loving family and my amazing friends (shout-out to Elizabeth Banda for taking care of me and feeding me tacos today. Thanks boo.) I have a resilient spirit, and I will not let you steal my joy.
So, guy, enjoy doing whatever it is thieves do with stolen purses. It was such a cute bag, and its a shame its gone, but this gives me an excuse to go shopping now. Retail therapy (the only kind of therapy I need… probably not, but my health insurance doesn’t cover much). Take care and you know, don’t steal. That would be nice. In the words of my homie Ice Cube, bye Felicia!
I’m developing serious new symptoms, and I’m becoming less and less functional.
I have only three weeks until finals, and I’m working on my internship, so I don’t have time for this nonsense!
I stopped into the school clinic today, and they pretty much just rolled their eyes and told me to go to the hospital. I can’t afford to add to my stack of unpaid ER bills, and we all know the high quality of care I’d receive there…
Basically, I need to see my regular doctor.
I haven’t gone in nearly a year, because I am uninsured, and I can’t afford it.
It’s a $75 payment up front (not including labs), and right now rent is due on Tuesday, and I’ve received 48-hour shut off notices for our power, gas, and phone. So I cannot even afford to pay my basic necessity bills, let alone “splurge” on a doctor’s visit.
D is working a lot of odd jobs and tattooing to earn money on the side, but our little shop has taken a big dip in regular sales, so it’s just not enough to cover all our bases.
If you can help, there’s a donate button on the bottom right side of this blog, or you can visit my lovely little store here:
Rock had been waiting all day for their shopping trip. Robin rarely let him actually splurge on him, but since not only did his boyfriend suggest it, but also say he could pay, Rock was pouncing on the opportunity. He already had a list of things he wanted to buy Robin while they were out. He’d even went and cleaned out the Camaro’s trunk so he was sure he’d have enough space. Getting off with Robin, his thoughts turned briefly to Spencer, the douche, and he laughed. He tried to be nicer nowadays, but it was good to have someone he could take out his negative feelings on who seemed to deserve it.
The promise to blow Robin when he got there wasn’t a joke, but if Robin didn’t want it they could skip it. Next he began to think of Colton and immediately regretted it. The betrayal and anger were strong, but he pushed it down and buried it. This wasn’t going to ruin their fun day, no sirree. Finally, hearing a car pull up outside, he went and opened the door, waiting for Robin to walk through.
I was at Target yesterday and these two ladies were on sale for $9.95 each so I couldn’t resist. Birthday Ball is pretty much the only new line I’m even interested in, so I figured I’d let myself splurge. I’ll definitely need to get Duchess, Blondie, and Cupid eventually too. Cupid is the least interesting to me since she doesn’t have a new hair color, but I want Duchess and Blondie for sure, so I might as well get Cupid to round out the set.