lethale

anonymous asked:

Opinion on Parker?

the bitsy spider is like… a mildly terrifying combo of steve and tony. he has all of steve’s moral uprightness and willingness to do what he believes is right, regardless of consequences, and all of tony’s i-will-do-science-and-thereby-solve-my-problems method of dealing with life. he’s good people though, despite an unfortunate tendency to eat pizza while sitting on the ceiling and drip hot cheese into my hair. not cool, peterbird.

what makes him kinda terrifying is that he physically looks like steve did pre-superjuice, plus a few inches and a few pounds, but he’s crazy strong. the only avengers who can beat him in sheer strength are hulk and thor. and neither of them really have a calculable upper limit on their strength, so.

but being able to kick both stevie and i across the room doesnt stop him from looking like he needs to be bundled in blankets and tucked in a corner where nobody can bully him. lemmie tell you, it plays merry hell on my nerves when somebody throws a bus at him and he catches it and throws it back

ridersofdickhan  asked:

tell us a story about an insect

parker insists that he doesnt normally sleepwalk. 

i have no idea if its true or not; for the sake of anyone who lives with him (myself occasionally included) i hope it is. 

however. when he’s sleeping off a few injuries and is pain-medicated enough that its effective on his jacked up metabolism, he does

which would not normally be a big deal. thor sleepwalks too, and the only problem with that is he sleeps naked. so i thought nothing of it when peterbird wandered into the common room late at night with his eyes closed. he kinda just showed up and then stood there, so i figured id let him be and went off to go make myself some hot chocolate. ten or so minutes later, i stepped around the divider wall back to the common room. 

and promptly had the everloving daylights scared out of me. 

why? you ask, why were ten precious years scared off your ridiculous life, bucky???

well. because parker was standing right on the other side of the wall, about two inches from my face. with an alarmingly vacant expression on his face. because he was sleepwalking. 

he was sleepwalking on the fucking ceiling

anonymous asked:

So when you say all's fair in love and prank wars except live spiders, I'm guessing someone has used live spriders against you before? Was Steve salty because he was losing?

look. buddy. 

between captain america, and black widow or spiderman, who the heck do you think is deploying live arachnids in a prank war??? it sure isnt steven ‘my superpower is breaking mirrors with my high-pitched screamin’ rogers, who can fight nazis but not the tiny clump of hair he thought was a spider in the shower