A FUCKING COUGAR JUST JUMPED OVER THE FENCE WHILE WE WERE GETTING IN THE CAR SO WE JUMPED IN THE CAR AND HONKED THE HORN TO SCARE IT OFF AND I CALLED MY SISTER TO LET HER KNOW TO NOT LET THE DOGS OUT WTF
Witch Tip: If you live in an area that’s getting chillier these next few months, take a second to look at your breath when you step outside. Use it as a visualization tool. Breathe in, imagine any built-up negative energy or anything else you’d like to banish swirling into your lungs, then breathe out and watch it fade away.
We did it amigos. Another list! I am so grateful that you all are sharing your ideas to help inspire others (faith in humanity restored)
“Where is my fucking pudding?!”
“I thought we agreed to never use butter for that reason again…”
“Well if it’s the guy who never shuts up about toilet paper!”
“Honey, did you see my sniper rifle?”
“God damn it he died. Whatever. Just leave him there.”
“Listen, I know you’re upset, but please put down the baking soda before someone gets hurt.”
“Look, about the monkey…”
“I don’t understand! I only used a finger.”
“It’s not as hard as you think, I promise.”
“well this is what i call hell of a night”
“How could an entire school disappear?”
“What do you mean the brownies are "not quite brownies”?“
"Yes, I understand that its cool, but why does your toaster have wings?” “Well its alive of course. It flies.”
“Don’t turn that on!”
“Wait…I’m also- technically- underage and you’re a stranger…should I be screaming also?”
“I though you meant "literally” metaphorically. “
"Ok so don’t get mad but I might have started a war.”
“Good morning… I see the assassins failed again.”
“You’re a murderer, how are you working at a hospital?”
“That cat just stole my cereal!”
“Did you see that? Please tell me you saw it.”
“Hey, can you stop shooting people right now? We’re trying to sleep.”
“THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS KEITH!”
“If you think I’m leaving you and your demon eyes and evil horns you’re wrong.”
“What do you mean, this isn’t Earth?”
“Damn it, ____! Not peanuts again!”
“Why did I just press the big red button?”
“So tell me again why this dead body is being sent to Goodwill?”
“Lucifer, I know that we said we would share rent but you never said anything about your brother living with us.”
“God dammit, I’m supposed to be a bat! Why the hell am I a possum, Karen?!”
“Sarah, where’s the dog?” “Up in space?”
“You had only one job and it wasn’t even a difficult task, but seriously, how did you end up like this!?”
“Well I never said I WASN’T going to kill the bartender …”
“I mean, it was only a small eldritch being, so it wasn’t that bad…”
“Hold me back bro!”
“I think there’s a new lifeform evolving in my fridge.”
“WHAT THE FUCK?!”
“Can we have lunch now, or do you still want to continue looking at dead people?”
“I can’t believe you ate my cheese…we’re over”
“Sometimes I wonder why we’re still friends.” “Because I turned you into a cyborg after being shredded by an explosion and you owe me.” “…Fair enough.”
“Well, I didn’t quite expect to wake up pregnant either and yet… here we are, so can you please pass me that can of bread?”
“Ok, I know I said ‘You can throw a hairbrush at them’, but I didn’t actually mean it!”
“When I told you to feed the dog I didn’t expect you to feed him the neighbors cat.”
“Clearly, you’ve never gotten rid of a body before…”
“This sort of thing never happened when I was dating your brother.”
Sometimes, I wonder about you. And then I worry.“
” Wait, wait, wait, start from the very beginning. how did you manage to set the house on fire with that??“
"For fucks sake, dude, how many times do I have to tell you that that’s not what penises are for?”
“One woman’s terrorist is another woman’s freedom fighter.”
“This isn’t right… the humans shouldn’t be able to move on their own.”
“Why is unicorn blood on our shopping list?”
“Must you unhinge your jaw like that when you eat? It’s disgusting.”
“You’ve violated the law, my trust, and your friend. Tell me, why should I believe anything you say?”
“No, no don’t open the fridge, I need to keep they eyeballs cold.”
“did he break his jaw again by falling down a flight of stairs?” “Passive aggressive much?”
“For the last time, put the declaration of independence back!”
"That isn’t permanent, right?”
“You know, ripping someone’s beating heart right out of their chest with your bare hand looks cool in anime, but irl it’s just unsanitary…”
“She didn’t tell you” “Tell me what” “He’s dead”
“But his dad is an asshole–” “HIS AUTHOR IS AN ASSHOLE”
“You are here and you haven’t tried to kill me yet. You must want something from me.”
“The salesperson made a flying tentacle monster sound a lot more alluring, I swear!”
“Okay…the radiator just growled at me”
“Dude, were you listening to me? Why are you barking?” “I’m not barking. I thought YOU were barking!”
“How did you get that bump on your lip”
“Buddy. You need to chill, and put that knife away before I get out my gun.”
“ ” I dare you to take your shirt off" “ no” “ I doubledare you” “No” “I tripledare you” “ god dammit Steve , im not wearing a Shirt!”“
"Why the fuck are there founding fathers in our living room”
“Girls only say 'I will not dignify that with a response.’ when they’ve done the thing you’ve just accused them of.” “Do you know this, because you’ve done it?” “I will not dignify that with a response.”
“They think we’re terrible but really we’re only mediocre”
“You’d think by now we’d stop bringing death into these things. Look at them, they have anxiety!”
“Ok, first of all asshat, stop touching me. Second, that is never going to work out! Third, stop TOUCHING me.”
“So if I do understand, you’re telling me that you created insects robots. The same one that destroyed the city. ”
“Why is THIS in your fridge? This is some serious contraband.”
“Please tell me you’re joking about marrying the bastard’s son we call Satan.” “ Don’t talk about your mother like that!!”
“Did you explode the microwave again?!”
"Honey where’s the dog?” “Like I said, I’m making a smoothie.”
“Fifteen bucks you can’t hook up with Satan.” “Make it twenty.”
“I don’t know, maybe because he has some semblance of taste?
"What could possibly make you think eating three tons of cheese for the mice in radiation-test labs was okay?!”
“Who actually let the dogs out?”
“Hey, you don’t know how many bodies are buried in my backyard.”
“I told you to kill me.” “I did. Just this morning.” “Well, shit!”
“So… This isn’t the end, is it? I mean I still want to hang out with you at least. Maybe go for another space adventure, hm?”
“I’m sorry, it was the HEAT OF THE MOMENT,”
"Hey, wanna go out for a romantic moonlight killing spree?”
“So, you’re into …..? Huh, I never would’ve known.”
“Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed”
“What are you doing?”
“But really, why would anyone need two dozen armadillos?”
“You can’t keep 'solving’ your problems by going to another dimension!”
“I still can’t believe you assassinated a unicorn.”
“Wait, you have FOUR knives?” “No, no. I have four knives ON me.”
“I’ve killed a man using only a copy of Hamlet and a computer mouse. I am NOT afraid of you!"
"What the hell are those?”
“Are you sure you’re not an arsonist?”
“I know, right? You’d suspect any of them of secretly being an alien, but not…”
“Why didn’t you stop?”
“So, start explaining why there are dozens of puppies in my guest room.”
Let’s make another list. Part 3! Leave a reply and don’t forget the double quotes “”.
I want to give everyone a chance to contribute to our community. So as always, one prompt per amigo. Dankje!
Hey if you live in south west Texas anywhere along the coast and up to San Antonio, Austin, and Houston, check your local weather updates because Hurricane Harvey is supposed to hit us friday night.
Please evacuate if they tell you to.
If you dont have to, be sure you have plenty of batteries, water (fill up your bathtubs so you can use the water to flush), ice (for your perishable food if your power goes out), gas if you have a generator, flashlights, and plenty of non-perishables.
I suggest getting a portable charger for your phone and making sure its charged up too.
**Also, pet owners**:
Make sure your pets have tags and you have your vets contact info. A lot of animals get out during storms.
If you think your dog wont be able to go to the bathroom outside, I suggest buying Puppy Potty Training Pads.That way they can to the the bathroom inside but its on a nice litte sheet that you can just toss.
If you are able to take your dogs out, i suggest taking them out on a leash or checking your fence first. Sometimes storms can knock down a fence without you knowing, so be careful if you’re used to just letting your dog out in the back yard.
• stay away from windows
• stay inside
• keep updated
• NEVER run your generator inside
• watch out for flooding, if the waterlooks too deep or you’re not sure, dont drive through it. Turn around.
• be safe
If you’re like me and you live in an apartment and this is your first hurricane you have to deal with by yourself feel free to message me if you wanna talk. I’m from Houston so I have some experience with these things lol
It’s not so surprising how YouTube Poop became a thing when you remember that there was a generation of kids where a majority of movies they watched while growing up had entire scenes dedicated to “Who Let The Dogs Out?”
I recently came across a compilation by @sixpenceee recalling several occasions where people experienced a sort of “glitch” in their lives.
If I think about it, I’ve had several, but the one I’m going to talk about happened most recently.
If I had to say when this happened, it was about the last week or two of June, 2017. I was home alone, as I usually am during the weekdays, when my father had returned from work. We greeted each other at the door and talked a bit before heading into the kitchen. I have a large backyard where I let my dog run around freely when he needs to use the bathroom. Usually he’ll let us know he has to go by barking/standing at the back door when we enter the kitchen. However, I had just let my dog out minutes before my dad had walked in. When we walked into the kitchen, I noticed my dog standing at the back door looking into the house, which is his way of letting us know he’s ready to come back inside. During this, my dad headed to the bathroom and I walked to the refrigerator. As I opened the door, my dad exited the bathroom and walked back toward the kitchen hallway leading to the living room with my dog following closely behind him. When he did so, I heard what sounded like an extremely young boy behind me say “Are you alright?” In an almost playful, but distorted tone. It was distorted enough to where it almost didn’t sound human, but clear enough to where you could hear the words it spoke. After hearing this, my dad and I both turned toward each other and exchanged worried/confused glances. This was my indication that what I just heard wasn’t my imagination. We stood there for a moment just staring at each other before I pointed out that perhaps my older brother was home from work. He often brings his son to our house so I immediately thought it was him. My dad opened the door to his room and shouted for him but neither he, nor my nephew were home. We kind of laughed it off after that.
We’re both still unsure of where the voice originated from, but we both agree that evening we simultaneously heard a young boy ask “Are you alright?”
If anyone else is interested in my other “glitch” occurrences, I’d be glad to share.
[Tim is sitting on the floor, in the dark, surrounded by paper and what looks like the contents of an entire coffeehouse. Harper enters and turns on the light]
Harper(Looking around and trying to understand what she’s seeing): …Um? Tim?
Tim(Staring unblinking into The Void): Harper, how old do you think I am?
Harper(Hazarding a guess more to humor him than anything else): Fifteen? Dude, these all nighters have to stop, it’s like, 3 A.M-
Tim(Turning to her with what looks like great difficulty): I’m sixteen. And do you know how long I’ve been sixteen for?
Harper: I… I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand what you’re-
Tim: No, you wouldn’t, would you? You haven’t been here long enough to notice. Time stands still here. Oh, something passes, but it’s not real time. They can’t create real time.
Harper(Nodding slowly and choosing not to ask who ‘they’ are): Uh huh. Hey, uh, just out of curiosity, nothing at all to do with you sounding like even more of a conspiracy freak than usual, did you drink ALL of these? Because I’m pretty sure that amount of caffeine is fatal for anything smaller than a water buffalo and-
Tim(Making an effort to smile): I’ve been sixteen since 2003.
Tim(Giving up on smiling to lie face down on the floor): It was bad enough the first year.
When the atom was it, the atom was bumpin’ [Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo] And everybody studied it all [Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo] I tell the scientists, y’all, that we’re not all-in, “ [Yippie Yi Yo] And the sci’s hypothesized all night till the poor quark show up! [ha ha ha ha]
In my studies of the inhabitants of Sol-1(3), locally known as Earth, I have made a number of observations regarding the humans. The following are a collection of some of the questions I’ve noted that have yet to be answered by the human race.
“Who let the dogs out?” Humans have a fascination with canines, going so far as to create emotional bonds with them. This question was first posed by the Baha Men. It is unknown where the dogs were let out from.
“Scooby Doo, where are you?” Scoobert ‘Scooby’ Doo is a member of the canine species, famous due to his ability in solving crimes the local police force were unable to. Despite his fame, the humans seem to have trouble locating him.
“What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?” Rubber ducks are made of an artificial material to resemble the Earth duck. Many use it while cleaning themselves, but why they do and how it’s useful isn’t known. Also unknown is the original intended purpose of the item.