I understand now… How love and feelings are a choice, when someone brings out the worst sides of themselves out and you must go to bed and wake up everyday still choosing them. But sometimes it’s not a choice at the same time. Sometimes it’s unexpected. Sometimes it’s a random conversation with a friend that turns into the all night phone call when you have to be up early the next day, and the excitement to hold someone’s hand for the first time. It’s that moment when you forget how to breathe when you finally get the courage to look them in the eyes and those eyes she calls, “just brown,” are anything but that. They’re like her… A mystery, full of hidden secrets only revealed when she lets you see them. “In the right light all is revealed.” The way they go from brown to a golden eclipse in the light and you can see every streak of her irises, letting you see a glimpse of what she contains. It’s the sound of her laugh from thousand of miles away, her body that makes you feel so much, and the way you can tell when she’s holding back with you because you scare her. You scare yourself honestly. You’re a mess. You’re a storm that’s been brewing since the day you were born and you would do anything to protect her from the chaos that you are, but crave to show her the beauty that lies beneath the visible layer of the ocean that people don’t take the time to look at. So yes love and feelings are a choice. But this wasn’t a choice. You were handed to me in the chaos and I don’t want to let go.