A lot of the desi men that my friends are dating, are engaged to, or married to, always start out as very progressive and caring partners. These men let my friends wear whatever they want, let them go out whenever they want, let them have careers, let them have guy friends, and promise them they won’t be bogged down by typical “bahu” chores.
Then, they get married.
Afterward, you start hearing of how married life is “completely different” from engagements or dating. Unmarried people just won’t understand.
Already, there is pressure of having kids the day the bride leaves the wedding hall and on to live with her husband and in-laws. The husband reassures the bride that she should consider leaving her studies, but only for a bit, until they move out of the in-laws house and get their own place.
The wife agrees because it sounds like a reasonable choice. After all, marriage is all about compromises.
Then she leaves her home, possible her country, and moves in with her husband and in-laws. Since she doesn’t go to school and doesn’t need to work, she spends her whole day cooking and cleaning and complying to her in-laws’ every demand.
Then, her husband finally comes home at the end of the day. But the husband is too tired to spend time with her. He just wants to chill out and have a cup of chai. She makes him a cup of chai. Her husband then goes to hang out with his dad watching cricket in the living room, or goes out with his friends that night for business-related things. She cleans up after him. She goes to sleep.
Compromise. Sabr. Resilience.
When will desi men realize that desi women have to sacrifice a hundred more things than you do in order for it to be even considered a compromise? Desi women have to have a million things done to them, to be angry about, for them to justify standing up for themselves. In our culture, the mere demand for wives to be treated as equals in the household is a mess.