let's face it: this is the absolutely worst and ugly thing ever what am i doing

From the Dining Table, Pt. 1 (Ethan)

Summary: Before moving out of the home you once shared with your fame hungry ex-boyfriend, you sit down to write him a letter, explaining to him why you left and where to find you if he ever comes to look for you.

Word Count: 2,352

Warnings: None

Author’s Note: This idea hit me in the middle of the night while listening to Harry Styles’ new album, specifically the last song entitled “From the Dining Table.” I highly recommend you listen to the song while reading this imagine for the full effect. I also apologize in advance if I make anyone feel things; writing this had me feeling all the things. I might turn this into a mini-series if it gets enough love, so please enjoy! Requests are open!

“I honestly never thought this day would come, Mom.” You grab the last of the pictures of you and your ex-boyfriend sitting on the dresser and throw them into a cardboard box in the entrance of the bedroom. “I’m moving out of the house I shared with the person I thought I was going to marry, and he doesn’t even know I’m leaving. Do you hear how twisted that sounds?”

Your mom places the rest of your t-shirts into the open suitcase on the floor. “Honey, you can’t predict the future. You didn’t know he was going to turn out to be this way.”

“We’ve been friends since we were in diapers, Mom. Nothing about him or the way he was raised would have indicated that this would have happened. He used to just be a goofy kid with a camera… What happened?”

She stands up to zip the suitcase. “I don’t know, but you’ve been turning that over in your head for God knows how long now. Haven’t you tortured yourself enough?”

“Hasn’t he tortured me enough?”

The both of you sigh and your stomach begins to twist. You pick up the cardboard box and a couple of tote bags laying around, following your mom as she drags the suitcase out into the dining room, the wheels echoing through the nearly empty house as they click on the wooden floor.

“Y/N, fame changes people. I just hope for his own good that one day he realizes what he truly lost… Okay, do we have everything?”

You shift from one foot to the other, trying to subdue the pain in your abdomen that’s only growing. “Yeah, I think so. My clothes are all packed, the electricity will be shut off by the city tonight, my pictures are all put away, and we loaded all the furniture into the truck yesterday.”

“All, except the table,” she notes.

“Yeah, that’s not mine. I’m leaving it for…” you trail off as you glance at the surface, remembering the notebook and pens you packed in one of your totes.

“Hey Mom, why don’t you take the rest of this stuff? I’ll be outside in a second, I just have something I want to do, first.”

“Okay, but don’t take too long. I want to ride the daylight out as much as possible. You know I have a hard time driving at night.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

Your mom takes the box from you before pushing it and the suitcase out the door. She shuts it behind her while you pull your stationary out from one of the bags, setting it on the table. You take off the cap of your pen, breathing deeply before pressing it to the paper:

 I don’t want to be angry with you anymore, Ethan, but I am. I’m so god damn angry.

I want to live my life and not think about you or hear your laugh everywhere I go. I want to look in the mirror and see my face again instead of yours. I regret cutting all my hair off just so I could look like you. I wish I had the power to delete our song off of my phone. I wish I wasn’t slumped over the dining room table, crying while I was writing this.

You’re so selfish that it makes me sick. The very first night I met you, I didn’t know I’d grow up to consider you my best friend. I never expected to become this attached to you. But, fast forward to the day you left me: when you walked out the door, you took the oxygen from my lungs.

You’re just a set of bones and a beating heart. How did you mess me up so bad?

I was such a fool to think you’d adhere to your resolution to live as normal of a life as possible. You used to know that life has so much more to offer than posting moody pictures on Instagram and hoping it gets over 500,000 likes or ignoring the people who built you up because it makes you feel powerful. What you’ve become absolutely disgusts me, and the worst part of it all is that you don’t even know what the time apart has done to me. I never got to celebrate your birthday with you, something that was a dream of ours to do together. I couldn’t give you Christmas presents this year. I couldn’t sit with you and your family while they grilled hot dogs in your back yard on the Fourth of July. I couldn’t do any of this because you only think of yourself anymore. It’s like you’ve completely forgotten about me.

Right before your departure, you told me you’d come back for me. You said you would text and call whenever you could until we would see each other again in person. I got your first text soon after, and for a while it felt like we were never apart; it felt like the oxygen in my lungs was restored. You’d call me after every show and every promotional event, so excited and in awe that you couldn’t wait to tell me about everything that happened. As time went on though, with the more people you met and the higher you climbed up the ladder, the texts became fewer and farther in between. My phone rang less often until it stopped ringing all together. You didn’t text me anymore. I had to learn about everything you were doing through friends and social media. I can’t count the number of voicemails I left you, afraid that I smothered you and apologizing for being the reason you pushed me away. I know now that it had absolutely nothing to do with me, but I can’t help but hope that one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry, too. It never happens, though. You never do.

You friends tell me that this is normal, that getting through the separation anxiety is the worst part. But, let me ask you this: Was it normal for me to curl up in the fetal position in the middle of the hallway after you walked out of the door? Was it normal for me not to sleep a wink after you were gone? I would scream into the dark of night, begging for you to come back. I would pray for you, and you know how I feel about religion. Praying was something you did before every meal and every night before bedtime. I would watch you clasp your hands together and close your eyes while your lips gracefully moved to form silent requests of peace, grace, and mercy. Do you remember when you asked me about religion? I pressed my lips into a hard line, squeezing my hands together so tightly that I lost feeling within seconds. I did it though, I got down on my knees by my bedside hoping that you would be able to hear me through whatever kind of higher power you believed in. It turns out I was wrong.

Let me tell you that if God does exist, He’s a vulture. He’s completely unfair. The kind of lives He had in store for both of us was cruel and downright disgusting; He chose me for endless suffering and He chose you to poison the lives of everyone you meet. So much for being a good guy, huh?

The worst part of all of this is the fact that despite my anger and resentment towards your addiction to fame and how you chose it over me, you’ve taught me more than I could have ever imagined. It makes me sad, but one of those lessons is the fact that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t be fixed. This is something that no one ever tells you when you’re young; it never fails to surprise me when I look around and see people close to me breaking one by one. I should probably get it in my head. I saw it happen to you and then I felt it happen to me. I did almost everything to try and heal the resulting pain, including hurting myself in ungodly disturbing ways. I didn’t, however sleep with strangers and then leave them in the cold like the tabloids said you did.

But, see, even if I did such an ugly, terrible thing, those people would never fill this hole. I’m always going to want you. I’m always going to choose you.

I hate myself for that. I hate that I can be so angry and so vicious toward what you’ve become, but at the end of the night I lay in bed knowing I’m always going to be waiting for you. I can lie to myself all I want about it and yet I still find myself walking around every day thinking about how different circumstances would be if you were by my side at any particular moment. I tell myself to avoid everything that reminds me of you; instead I expose myself to those things even more because I don’t know how to live without the hole in my chest anymore. I can easily say I’ve failed at attempting to get over you and I don’t want to make any more attempts. The only way I can carry you with me now is by carrying the pain of you not being with me. The pain has been there for two years, five months, three weeks, and two days. This is the only way I know how to live now.

But, above all else, the one thing I desperately need you to know is that even before my anger, pity, and resentment, if you ever end up calling me again, even if it’s at 4 AM and you’re too sad to say a word, I won’t yell at you about how much of my life you’ve consumed. Rather, I will intently listen to your silence until you’re able to fall asleep again. If you need to cry, I won’t wipe away your tears because we’re only human and sometimes tears are the closest we can get to laughter and that’s okay. If you need to yell so ferociously that your voice gives out and your knees fail you, I’ll be there to hold you up and I’ll yell with you to make you feel less alone. If you get so angry that you punch your hands raw, I will ice your knuckles and gently remind you that wounds do eventually heal, both inside and out, just like the way harsh winters give way to warm springs. I will be your warm spring again, and I will do all of this because I love you unconditionally, even when you spite me and drive me insane. Sometimes I think I’d be better off dead than putting up with everything that comes with you, and I hate the fact that I don’t hate you. I just love you. My love is over, underneath, inside, and in between all the struggles that we have faced.

Now, I’m begging you, Ethan. If you ever decide to come look for me, I’ve left California; I can’t live in a place that feels so artificial anymore. I’m going back to the beginning, the place where you and I planted our roots, where we ran around in the sprinklers in the summer and made snow angels in the winter, where we tossed our high school graduation caps in the air and took weekend trips driving into the city. I’m going back to the place where I can find myself again. If you ever decide to come look for me, I’ll be waiting for you there.

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you fold the piece of paper down in thirds before placing it in an envelope and sloppily addressing it with an “E”. A horn honks outside, cueing you to grab the last of your bags and place the letter in the middle of the table. As you approach the front door, you turn around to take in the empty house one last time. All of the memories you and Ethan shared together here begin to dance in front of your eyes and you sigh to yourself, grateful that they’re going to stay with you for the rest of your life, but heartbroken you have to leave this behind. Finally, you step out onto the front porch and lock the door behind you.

“Alright, I’m good. I’ve got everything,” you grunt as you climb into the passenger seat of the moving van, tossing the bags behind you.

Your mom reaches over from the driver’s side to place her hand on your cheek. “You are such a brave girl. I am so proud of you for starting to let go.”

You close your eyes and place a hand on her wrist. “Thanks, Mom. Can we please go now, though, before I get too sentimental? I don’t want to cry anymore. My lungs already hurt too much.”

The both of you let go of each other to click your seat belts in place, and as your mom pulls the truck out of the neighborhood and onto the highway, you roll the windows down and turn on the radio. After several minutes of humming along to the music and getting lost in your own thoughts, your mom’s voice startles you.

“Do you think he’ll ever come back?”

You shift in your seat, unsure how to answer. “It’s been over two years, Mom.”

“What if he decides to come back to the house and you’re not there?”

“He has a key. He can get in.”

“But you won’t be there.”

You pause for a moment. “No, I won’t be. But I have a feeling that if he ever comes across what I left for him, he’ll know exactly where to find me.”

“And where’s that?”

You glance out the window, the vast, California landscape speeding by you as you head for the state line. The two of you have a long drive ahead of you back to the East Coast, almost 2,800 miles.

“Home. I told him to come home.”


❛ you inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart ❜
❛ i hope no one lowkey hates me. highkey hate me. hate me with every fiber of your being. go big or go home ❜
❛ my style isn’t even my style, i can’t afford my actual style ❜
❛ i feel like everyone has a teacher from high school that they’d 100% fight ❜
❛ i don’t mean to interrupt people i just randomly remember things and get really excited, i’m sorry ❜
❛ sir, you cannot name your son ‘Papa_Roach_Scars.mp3’ we just won’t allow it ❜
❛ if you asked me what my sexuality was, i couldn’t give you a straight answer ❜
❛ i just wanna wear lingerie, smell like lavender, and have soft skin ❜
❛ yabba dabba done with your shit ❜
❛ 5 years ago i was a fucking mess and now i’m a fucking mess but at peace with it and with a cooler fashion sense ❜
❛ the only reason i’m staying in school is so i can provide for my future ❜
❛ occupation: sleepiest girl on the planet ❜
❛ true friendship is willfully making someone’s emotional devastation over fictional characters worse ❜
❛ (not so) breaking news: i’m sad again and everyone’s tired of hearing about it ❜
❛ my new year’s resolution is to stop ❜
❛ people keep posting ‘what’s REALLY in your food’ articles like i’m gonna stop eating whatever it’s about lmao listen, death is coming. death is coming. pass me a hot dog ❜
❛ do you sometimes wonder why you have weird friends but then you snap and realize that you’re as weird as them ❜
❛ have you ever met someone who’s smile looks like it could make flowers grow ❜
❛ is ‘no’ an emotion because i feel it ❜
❛ i wanna be the one girl who looks really cute but also gives off the vibe that she could snap your neck if you disrespect her like is that possible for me ❜
❛ concept: me, having friends and being liked by people ❜
❛ the human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them ❜
❛ replace my heart with another liver so i can drink more and care less ❜
❛ i need a hug and six months of sleep ❜
❛ good morning i’m obsessed with being loved ❜
❛ don’t come back when you realize that i’m rare ❜
❛ i’m stuck in between ‘i really wanna meet new people’ and ‘why can’t everyone leave me the fuck alone’ ❜
❛ can you believe some people meet each other and just hit it off right off the bat and just… date??? and fall in love? ?? that sounds fake ? ? ? ❜
❛ painfully average looking with a great sense of humor and always down to get drunk ❜
❛ people are always like ‘are you a morning person or a night person’ and i’m just like… buddy, i’m barely even a person ❜
❛ you ever talk to a stupid boy to pass time? ❜
❛ don’t talk to me or my 78 insecurities ever again ❜
❛ i’ll always have a soft spot for you ❜
❛ i hate being tickled. i do not think it’s cute, i do not think it’s funny. i will kick you in the fucking face ❜
❛ you inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart ❜
❛ there’s no blood in my veins anymore it is coffee and broken dreams ❜
❛ i’ll pay you $7 to have a crush on me ❜
❛ i’m a hopeless romantic… emphasis on hopeless ❜
❛ i deal with my personal problems the same way i study for tests… i don’t ❜
❛ half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half of me is, well, an asshole ❜
❛ my biggest problem is i don’t like, do shit ❜
❛ how am i supposed to be productive when netflix just automatically plays the next episode for you? ❜
❛ a girls sleepy voice is probably the cutest thing that has ever existed on this earth ❜
❛ at like a really specific time at night i feel like i wanna fall in love or some shit but then i wake up and i’m ok again ❜
❛ i’d really like to be taken out tbh. in a date way or a sniper way. i have no preference ❜
❛ i don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions ❜
❛ i want to be one of those people who does yoga and eats berries for breakfast, but i’m one of those people who stays in bed until 4 pm and eats pizza ❜
❛ why are there waiting lists for preschools?!?! babies are small!!!! 800 could fit in one room, just stack them ❜
❛ raise your hand if you are scared shitless about the future yet couldn’t care less at the same time ❜
❛ i hate being the stereotypical emo bitch, but life sux, my dude ❜
❛ i wanna learn how to throw knives so i can throw ‘em like real close and graze somebody to let them know to shut the fuck up ❜
❛ my heart says yes but my mom says no ❜
❛ if we are ever invaded by aliens and they wanna destroy earth and whatever that’s fine, but leave old friends senior dog sanctuary out of it ❜
❛ i don’t want to get involved in the drama, i just wanna know 103% of the information on what happened ❜
❛ if i had the power to control time i would probably just use it to sleep more ❜
❛ guess who got shit done today….. not me lmao but congrats to somebody out there ❜
❛ i promise i’m a lot nicer than my ‘walking to class’ face would lead you to believe ❜
❛ why spend money on booze when i can get fucked up by conspiracy theories for free? ❜
❛ binge watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant ❜
❛ merry crisis, everyone ❜
❛ my whole life is the one episode of friends where ross drinks all those margaritas and keeps telling everyone that he’s fine when he clearly isn’t fine ❜
❛ i’m a huge supporter of things which annoy misogynistic rich white men ❜
❛ kinda wanna go on a date, kinda wanna get hit by a truck too ❜
❛ do i even have a sexuality at this point or is it literally just ‘oh yes i’d kiss you’ ❜
❛ not interested dot com forward slash you ❜
❛ napping together is my kind of date ❜
❛ i’m trying to stop being a hater but it’s just so hard when there are so many things that need my hate ❜
❛ i need to stop imagining things i’d say in interviews if i was ever famous because i am not ❜
❛ guess who got their life together!!!!! …not me, but someone probably has ❜
❛ concept: the worst is over. everything’s gonna be okay now ❜
❛ me, giving your eulogy at your funeral: ‘we are gathered here today to mourn a friend, a relative, a companion and a loved one, and to kinkshame them one last time’ ❜
❛ one day i will take a really good selfie and you will be sorry….. you will all be sorry ❜
❛ i was so ugly in 2008 because i didn’t care about my looks, i cared about the jonas brothers ❜
❛ i’m the whole package: bitter AND petty ❜
❛ my life is that awkward walk/jog you do in front of a car when you’re crossing the street ❜
❛ i use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a fucking moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon and i was raised better than that ❜
❛ my aesthetic is looking really tired even when i’ve had enough sleep and having a lot of bad habits and responding poorly to criticism ❜
❛ yes you’re allowed to have other friends, you just have to love me more ❜
❛ i just want to be somewhere warm and making questionable decisions ❜
❛ i don’t have plans for tonight or the rest of my life if you want to have a drink or get married ❜
❛ screenshots don’t scare me, i know what the fuck i said ❜
❛ ‘you’re kind of annoying’ kind of? kind of??? excuse me. excuse you. i am fully annoying. i am very annoying. there’s nothing half-assed half-hearted ‘kind of’ about it ❜
❛ *jumps over hole in sidewalk* yeah you could say i’m pretty fucking athletic ❜
❛ i don’t ‘dress to impress’ i dress to depress. i wanna look so good that people hate themselves ❜
❛ sorry, i couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue ❜
❛ valentine’s day is coming up, i don’t know what to buy myself ❜
❛ you’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because i think about kissing you all the time ❜
❛ ‘dude, i’m wasted’ and by wasted, i’m talking about my wasted potential because i’m a lazy piece of shit ❜
❛ i may be a terrible person but at least i say please and thank you and use my fucking blinker ❜
❛ is it too late to try to be myspace famous ❜
❛ ask him if he’s good with his hands, then when he comes over, make him put together ikea furniture ❜
❛ if a woman’s hand is steady enough to put on winged eyeliner then it’s steady enough to stab you in the heart ❜
❛ please don’t get tired of me ❜
❛ finals? fuck a final. gone girl myself. ❜
❛ i really thought quick sand was going to be a bigger issue in life when i was little ❜
❛ i’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire ❜
❛ why must the cute ones (me) suffer ❜
❛ nasa actually stands for ‘not any straight aliens.’ gayliens are real and out there ❜
❛ not to be bitter or anything but i hope everyone that has ever hurt me is absolutely miserable ❜
❛ my mind says college, but my heart says isolated sheep herder in iceland ❜
❛ i am an adult oh god make it stop ❜

( you can find the other three parts here: 1, 2, 3 )

@froekenpest (is it working now?) and I are talking about Draco’s characterization, specifically having lots of life history and dealing with it.

Every now and then, Draco stumbles with his feelings. It’s shitty and he’s the worst person to be around ever because he’s moody and cruel and nasty and self-destructive, but he’s the type to disappear when that happens. He doesn’t want to be around anybody, and he doesn’t want anyone to see him–for vulnerability reasons, but also because he knows it’s not fair to lash out at people, even if he wants to (and he does).

I have this scene of Draco with his back to Harry. Harry trying to get Draco to talk about it, but the more he tries, the more infuriated Draco gets.

Harry just doesn’t get it. He couldn’t possibly understand the things Draco’s grappling with, because their lives have just been too different. He wouldn’t understand the way Draco needs to push at the bruises he’s harbouring until they hurt and feel like they’re bursting open, because that’s his catharsis: remembering every single mistake he’s made, every fucking choice that has led him to being where he is today, every cursed, wretched thing he’s ever done that make him this ugly amalgamation that’s more beast than human sometimes.

Harry couldn’t possibly understand, and that infuriates him even more. Harry, the perfect human. Harry, who is lauded as amazing, who saved the world and is treated like a hero, Harry who can do no wrong.

He’s so angry and bitter, and the next time Harry opens his mouth to say something, Draco jumps down his throat.

“Don’t treat me like your charity case, Potter,” he snarls, and behind him, Harry’s mouth clicks shut in surprise. There’s a second of silence, and then he exhales sharply, sounding angrier than Draco expects when he speaks next.

“Is that what you think this is–what you are? Charity?”

Draco smiles cruelly to himself, feeling the bitter words crawl up his throat and spill out of his mouth.

“That’s what you do, isn’t it, Potter?” he sneers Harry’s surname acrimoniously, and doesn’t have to be facing the man to see how he flinches at the animosity. “You take in the strays, people who can’t get by without your help. Isn’t that what you did with the  Weasleys? Pathetic and contemptible, too poor to even feed their children but too stupid to stop having more.”

Harry’s silence speaks louder than any words he could have said then. Draco feels the shame creeping up his neck, making his cheeks burn like he’s standing in front of a blazing fire.

See? He wants to shout into the silence. See what I am? Not so eager to help now, are you?

The quiet continues, and Draco tenses and relaxes at the same time, waiting for Harry to explode, to shout abuse at him, to hit him, assault him, call him exactly what he is and what he deserves.

Harry doesn’t do any of that. What he does is breathe, raggedly at first, and Draco counts the inhales, synchs up their breathing without really noticing.

Then, after what feels like a lifetime, Harry says:

“I won’t be here if you’re going to behave like this. When you’ve calmed down, I’ll be in the living room.”

He leaves, then: leaves Draco to his miserable desolation, and Draco triumphs in having driven him away. He’s fiercely glad that Harry’s left and incandescently angry at him at the same time. How dare he leave–how dare he not get angry–how dare he walk away?

He’s so bitter and angry and resentful in that moment, because Harry is supposed to be different. Harry isn’t supposed to give up on him, isn’t supposed to leave him alone: that’s just not what Harry does, and Draco is incensed.

How dare he be like everyone else? But then… of course. Of course he is. That’s what Draco wanted: he wants to be alone. He wants to push people away, because that means he’s right, that Draco is as big of a mess as he feels–that he isn’t worth staying for, and the thought burns and burns at him, making him even more furious.

Draco feels like a volcano is about to erupt inside him. It’s hot and angry and bubbling dangerously like if he so much as twitches, he’s going to burst and breathe fire more savage than fiendfyre, and he wants to let it–good god does he want to just let it out and let it consume him and burn the whole world to the ground.

It won’t come, he knows, because it never does, even when he’s burning brightest and wants it most, it refuses to manifest and Draco is trapped with it simmering just under his skin, zinging through his veins until he wants to tear at his own flesh to make it stop. But he can’t, because this is what he is. This is who he is–and that thought winds him higher.

(Of course, when he does come back down and regain sense of himself, he goes out and stiffly, unhappily apologises. He knows he’s wrong, he knows what he said is terrible and not true, but apologising still hurts, even if Harry–and the Weasleys–deserves it.)

I think that’s how Harry would handle Draco’s self-hating episodes. After the first couple times of them winding each other up and blowing up together, Harry would get smart and not engage when Draco was like that–just walk away and talk when he was less awful about things. And Draco would learn (conditioning, Harry is absolutely treating him like a dog, haha) that responding like that isn’t appropriate or even a good way to handle things, and they’d end up doing better together. And that’s how Harry helps.

✰ * º ❛ californication sentence starters. ❜


‘  i am not a fucking shrink. i don’t give a shit anyway.  ’
‘  we are not talking! we are not fucking! nothing is happening!  ’
‘  you know me… the talking and the fucking go hand-in-hand.  ’
‘  rehab is for quitters.  ’
‘  you can’t snort a line of coke off a woman’s ass and not wonder about her dreams. it’s not gentlemanly.  ’
‘  damn you smell good, like home.  ’
‘  spend the rest of your life with this fool and this fool will spend the rest of his life making sure you don’t regret it.  ’
‘  there’s no easy way to say this so i’ll just say it: i met someone.  ’
‘  there’s this feeling in my gut that she may be the one.  ’
‘  i don’t know how to be with you right now and that scares the shit out of me.  ’
‘  it’s a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment.  ’
‘  i don’t know what’s going on with us and i can’t tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me.  ’
‘  it’s a lost art, really. like handjobs.  ’
‘  i have a confession to make… i didn’t like you very much at first.  ’
‘  you didn’t seem to have much interest in me, which i of course found vaguely insulting.  ’
‘  funny how some things never change.  ’
‘  i cruised along, doing my thing, acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent changes you.  ’
‘  i don’t remember the exact moment everything changed. i just know that it did.  ’
‘  loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life.  ’
‘  i made a silent vow to protect you from the world, never realizing i was the one who would end up hurting you the most.  ’
‘  when i flash forward, my heart breaks, mostly because i can’t imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride.  ’
‘  i care for nothing and everything at the same time.  ’
‘  noble in thought, weak in action.  ’
‘  i think that’s the good thing about never being married, it’s impossible to divorce.  ’
‘  i tried, but somewhere along the line, you slip back into what you know and i’m sorry about that.  ’
‘  i’m sorry we haven’t talked in awhile because i miss you.  ’
‘  you’re doing the best you can. you’ve done good.  ’
‘  that fucker is the horniest man i’ve ever met. he’ll be pitching a tent on his deathbed.  ’
‘  don’t tell me what to feel.  ’
‘  all my fucking life people have been telling me i do things wrong. i’m always the fucking asshole. i look around and i see everybody else is infinitely more fucked up than i am.  ’
‘  i’m offering you sex, and you just want to talk? has the earth spun off its axis?  ’
‘  i question everything. it’s very healthy.  ’
‘  you should live with someone who everyday reminds you how fucking lucky you are to be with them.  ’
‘  you don’t want to be with me.  ’
‘  if i were to give myself to you, you would run for the hills ‘cause you’re not in love with me. you’re in love with the idea – the idea of love.  ’
‘  imagine my fucking disappointment when you turned out to be the biggest cliche of all.  ’
‘  a great father is a guy that gives it all up for his family and leaves his self-destructive bullshit at the door.  ’
‘  there isn’t a woman that i’v’e met that i haven’t fallen in love with for 10 minutes or 10 years.  ’
‘  friends don’t let friends bang each others soulmates!  ’
‘  i consider that whole area – general area – my cock. like, from my knees to nipples.  ’
‘  two people of the opposite gender can’t rendezvous after 7 pm.  ’
‘  life’s just too fucking boring not to try.  ’
‘  i may be easy, but i’m not sleazy.  ’
‘  a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night loneliness.  ’
‘  i like it here. it’s nice. the sun is chirping, the birds are shining. the water’s wet.  ’
‘  life is good, sweetheart. life is good.  ’
‘  you can blame everything on the economy, douchebag.  ’
‘  no man should ever have to bear witness to his “o” face.  ’
‘  you know, it’s not fair to say “b.r.b.” and then never actually b.r.b.  ’
‘  fuck around all you want. i’m no judge judy. but don’t string a woman along for a major chunk of her childbearing years. that’s not cool.  ’
‘  when it comes to emotions, women know how to pain with the full set of oils while men are busy doodling with crayons.  ’
‘  there’s nothing quite like getting stoned on the very bed that your ex-domestic partner shares with her fiance. it’s the little things.  ’
‘  hang out with your wang out, but remember: no gloving, no loving.  ’
‘  hate the game, not the playa.  ’
‘  no matter what you did, don’t give up. do not give up because if she loves you, she’ll forgive you.  ’
‘  things fall apart. they break. that’s life.  ’
‘  despite all evidence to the contrary, i am a gentleman.  ’
‘  i’ve been thinking about us – that’s us with a capitol “u”.  ’
‘  the story of us… how the fuck do i sum it up?  ’
‘  any story with me in the center of it will never be anything less than a big, smiling mess.  ’
‘  our time in the sun has been a thing of absolute beauty.  ’
‘  for years i woke up, fucked up, said i was sorry, passed out, and did it all over again.  ’
‘  i’m a sucker for happy endings.  ’
‘  there’s just the two of us, which can be fucking ugly sometimes.  ’
‘  i didn’t know how to finish it because it’s not over.  ’
‘  it’ll never be over, as long as there’s you, and there’s me, and there’s hope, and grace.  ’
‘  wine me. dine me. stand up 69 me.  ’
‘  one does not very easily forget the kiss of a beautiful woman.  ’
‘  that’s right. i said it. i meant it. i’m here to represent it.  ’
‘  can you slow down? i don’t know why you’re so fucking angry.  ’
‘  i’m not the one who disappeared to the bedroom with that fucking weirdo degenerate.  ’
‘  you’ve got a fucking nerve to take issue with anything i do, ever!  ’
‘  you’re right, but what am i supposed to do? just sit there and watch it happen?  ’
‘  why the fuck did you come here tonight anyway?  ’
‘  there’s always this voice in the back of my head that says ‘maybe this time it will be different, maybe this time the stars will align and there will be this magic moment between us where everything will be okay again.’  ’
‘  there’s always something or someone in the way!  ’
‘  you want me not to see anybody else, just say the word. but if you keep me at arms length, what am i supposed to do? just sit around with a cock-cage on and hope that you’re going to have some kind of epiphany about us?   ’
‘  do you honestly think i care about you fucking someone else? if we’re not together, i don’t expect you to have taken some vow of celibacy.  ’
‘  when i see someone look at you the way i used to look at you… i fucking hate that. it makes me sick to my stomach.  ’
‘  i don’t want to be that person. i don’t want to start playing games and like, trying to get back at you or try to hurt you.   ’
‘  i thought there was something wrong with me, but it’s you. you’re a loser.  ’
‘  i’m sorry you got hurt. i thought we had an understanding.  ’
‘  i swallowed your cum, but worst of all, i swallowed your bullshit.  ’
‘  i guess being there made it easier to forget that i still love the shit out of you. yeah, wow, i said that out loud, didn’t i?  ’
‘  so? i still love you. i always will, till the day i die. but at some point, i had to choose happiness, i had to make that a priority.  ’
‘  i’m with someone who understands that i’ll never stop loving you and that makes me happier than i’ve ever been.  ’
‘  contrary to popular belief, i’m not out there trying to hurt anyone.  ’
‘  by the way, you’re an incredibly woman. very sexual. are you ovulating right now?  ’
‘  don’t blame me because you were born with a clit for a cock and a tiny beanbag to house what passes for balls.  ’
‘  eat my shit.  ’
‘  it makes my labia shrivel.  ’
‘  die young and suffer, dickless.  ’
‘  you can either cry like a bitch or smack a bitch.  ’
‘  what, you going back to your mommy’s? you fucking infant.  ’
‘  sperm would enter my pretty little vajoojoo and my cold black heart would kill that shit dead, son.  ’
‘  trust me, getting your asshole bleached would be much more fun.  ’
‘  you’re like one of those freaky chicks who marries serial killers on death row.  ’
‘  well, if you were not so preoccupied with sticking your dick in anything with a hole that will have you, you might noticed these things.  ’
‘  i want to go back and do it all over again. only this time, not make the same mistakes… this time, do it better. this time do it right.  ’
‘  our best days are behind us now. you’re just chasing a dragon. we’re never going to life happily ever after.  ’
‘  you’re going to die poor, drunk, and alone.  ’
‘  welcome to the place where time stands still, where whisky flows and always will.  ’
‘  i came back… for you. i know it’s overwhelming, disorienting even.  ’
‘  we have to resolve this shit one way or another, don’t you agree?  ’
‘  i say we stay here until we figure it out… or until we both get so fucking horny we can’t stand it. either way, it’s a win-win for both of us.  ’
‘  what is this? explain yourself, woman.  ’
‘  do you realize that the bottom has just officially dropped out of our relationship?  ’
‘  angry? i’m not angry! why would i be angry? i’m not even entitled to angry.  ’
‘  that’s what makes it worse: she was there first.  ’
‘  you might wanna curve your crazy bitch.  ’
‘  why, do you still love her?  ’
‘  are you challenging me right here in my own home?  ’
‘  of course i love you! i’ve always loved you!  ’
‘  i didn’t fuck anyone, if that’s what you were wondering.  ’
‘  who gives diamonds to the homeless? not i.  ’
‘  i love you and i want to spend the rest of my life annoying the shit out of you.  ’
‘  i’m sick and tired of fighting about the past.  ’
‘  home is wherever you are.  ’
‘  you are so full of shit?  ’
‘  other than making the sweet love to me, that’s the nicest thing you could’v done.  ’
‘  you’re right, i know everything there is to know about you.  ’
‘  i am lucky. i’m lucky to have known you, i’m lucky to have loved you.  ’
‘  i like you when you’re crazy.  ’
‘  you have so much shit going on in your life right now, you don’t want to add this to the mix.  ’
‘  thank you for letting me be the crazy one for once.  ’
‘  merry fucking christmas. can we go home already?  ’
‘  it’s your life. if there’s something you don’t like about it, you can change it.  ’
‘  you need to be in the middle of a mess of your own creation, right? that’s what makes you attractive and also, impossible to live with.  ’
‘  impossible is a very strong word.  ’
‘  i love you, but i can’t be with you. when will you accept that?  ’

I already loved you.

TITLE: I already loved you.


AUTHOR: Pretty Dead Girl 

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki is planning to confess his love for you on Valentine’s Day, with orchids and a poem he himself wrote. Someone from the Avengers (who has a problem with Loki being in their team now) catches him in preparation and mocks him, saying “Oh, a monster in love, nice.” This gives Loki a pause as he is reminded of his heritage and his past deeds. He throws away the flowers and the poem, telling himself he is a deluded fool to think you’d ever reciprocate his love….Cont.


NOTES/WARNINGS: I loved this imagine so I did this for fun. It isn’t the best, but maybe someone will write one better. ;) Hope you enjoy. (I so wanted to make this smut, but I held back, lmfao) 

It was Valentine’s Day and although Loki had never celebrated the Midgard custom he was all too eager to use this day to confess his love for you. Since the day you arrived he had felt a strong pull towards you. He had been pleased when you had been nice to him, even forming a close friendship. He couldn’t remember a time when someone treated him with such kindness and genuinity. He realized some time ago he wanted to claim you as his own, but his own self-doubts got in the way but he had decided today, Valentine’s Day, he would finally admit his feelings for you.

Keep reading

Voltage Honest Trailers: Liar

Thanks to all those who gave love to my trailers for Gangsters in Love and Enchanted in the Moonlight! The long wait is finally over! Enjoy this honest trailer!


Liar Honest Trailer:

Narrator: From the assholes that brought you games like KBTBB, EITM, and MFW in which men screw you over, comes a NEW Voltage party game where you get your own harem. Only this time…YOU get to screw over MEN!!!

Voltage Fans: What?! A badass MC with a Brain?! What is this sorcerery? 😧

Narrator: I know right?😆

(Slight Beat)

Liar: Uncover the Truth!

(Cue Liar S1 Opening Music)


In a brand new setting, you play as an all new MC.

A stylish, young, tough as nails, city woman in her late twenties who is good at her job and desires to get married.

MC: “My ideal man is out there, and I’m going to find him!“😏

Narrator: Only in reality, she’s a lying, hypocritical slob from the countryside who is wasting her talent to possibly becoming a badass lawyer, cop, or a better detective than Batman, as she tortures herself by working as a wedding planner while she watches left and right as all her co workers get hitched.

Ayumi: “I’m getting married!“😄💍


MC: “It’s really pathetic that I, a wedding planner, is here at a matchmaking party…"😓

Narrator: Following an ugly breakup with her cheating ex boyfriend, MC stands her ground and has her sights set on finding a new man!

…Only to really reveal that she is, in fact, a gold digging thot seeking an oh so perfect man that sounds more glorified than a Gary Stu from a fanfiction.

MC: “I want a man out of college, have an income over 10 million yen, and be five feet over eight inches! I have pretty high standards!"💁🏻

MC: "I’m not gonna settle for anything less than perfection!"😤

Narrator:…Says the country slob…😒


As you follow the guide from a gay fortune teller, you wind up at a matchmaking party where you are told the premise of the game.

Fortuneteller: "You’ll meet 10 men. But only 9 of them are no good liars.”

Narrator: After defying facts like “don’t judge a book by its cover” by turning down two ugly guys, you meet your soon to be victims, LIKE:

Haruichi Mamiya!

The president of the IT company who’s only popular within the Voltage fandom because he’s a kinder version Soryu Oh with glasses as he is secretly affiliated with the mob.

MC: “He’s with the yakuza?!"😨

Narrator: Although says to be conservative, he nearly rapes you while your sleeping in the spring break arc. Complete with an nightmare fuelish image of him slowly removing your clothes.

Haruichi: "Am I the man of your dreams?"😌

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Sotaro Shiga!

The sexy and sexist as fuck bastard surgeon who’s been involved in two marriages.

He’s fits the MCs standards with his high income but can’t seem to get his own shit together.

Sotaro: "I don’t have a wife…who’s going to clean my room?"😭

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Azusa Kurono!

A much cuter version of Ota Kisaki only he himself is a con artist who plays the MC like a violin.

Azusa: "Women are nothing but fake bitches to me!"😂

Narrator: Only after being exposed, he crawls back to you in his route after it is shown that he’s really a broke ass.

Azusa: "Please let me in…I’m cold…"😷

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Keima Katagiri!

A buddy from school who peaked in college who secretly has a gambling addiction.

Keima: "Just five more minutes to turn my luck around!!"😤

Narrator: *Sighs* Aurora James would be proud…😪


Joe Yazawa!

A clearly gay fashion designer who should just date the fortuneteller.

Because while he’s with the MC, all they ever do is talk fashion.

Joe: "You are my muse!"😀

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Itaru Yuikawa!

The apparent "Mr. Right” of the whole game.

Where in reality he is from the countryside like you, used to be ugly and unattractive, and spent a whole DECADE to change his life just so he can be the glorified man you always wanted.

Itaru: “I’ve become everything that you wanted me to be!"😄

MC: He changed his entire self for me?! What a liar!!😒

Narrator: Are you REALLY talking?!😠😧

(Slight Beat)

Kazumi Kagami!

The "liar” who was called out for being a liar for NO reason as the MC made false accusations of drug use.

Kazumi is the only man who is able to see through the MCs scheming and snooping ways.

Kazumi: “I know why you’re really here…"😏

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Other potential liars include:

Toya Kashi

The pastry chef who should have starred in the movie: Anger Management.

Kunio Muroi!

The dipshit who hates women with Taylor Swift bodies.

And Shuto Matsuki!

The so called World famous soccer player who couldn’t make it into FIFA and has a disturbing incestuous relationship with his mama.

(Slight Beat)

Man that was a long listing…you guys still with me?


So smuggle some coins…waste your tickets, receive bad flirting advice from a thot bunny, and learn obvious life skills, beauty hacks, and common sense for women like you who struggle with life in their 20’s as you navigate through the silly chess map of an RPG, doing insane things LIKE:

Invasion of Privacy:

Liar Bunny: "Look through his bag! He could be a liar!"😤

Narrator: Stalking your crush on Instagram:

MC: "Time to do some snooping! Er…I mean, Investigating!😅”

Narrator: AND, sadistically watch as your lying victim pees their pants in the Phoenix Wright portion of the game.

Shizuo: “I’m-I’m not cheating on you!"😰

Narrator: And afterwards, play through the possible endings LIKE:

The Ending with the tragic backstory(True End):

Toya: "You cheated on ME while I was gone?!"😡

Narrator: The Ending where you suck the liars dick(Love End):

MC:"I’ll never love a mammas boy like y-!"😠

Shuto: "Let’s go to Italy!"😄

MC: "Okay!"😍

Narrator: The Ending that you instantly and sadistically watch right after you expose the liar just to feel satisfied(Scumbag End):

Woman: "You bastard!! I want a divorce!"😡

Kunio: "Oh shit…"😰

Narrator: The Ending where you can get stalked(Secret End):

Joe: "It’s Nanami! I’ve got her in my sights!"😍

Narrator: And of course the Free Bad Ending where you’re screwed over into possible debt, death, rape, kidnapping, or jail time…

(Slight Beat)

…But don’t worry, if you’re fed up with the gold digging MC, then play as the all new MC in…

(Cue Liar S2 Opening Music)

Liar: Office Deception!

A tale of stereotypical office scandals where you play as a not-so-fake, bisexual, and naturally prettier MC, who ACTUALLY keeps her room clean! And doesn’t lie about her private life.

And even with a much sexier and realistic cast, absolutely NONE of them get a lovers route because Voltage and their greedy asses still fails to give us the good shit we ask for!

(Slight Beat)

In this story, after finding out that your bff is sleeping with your loser boyfriend, you are rewarded by being sent to a team of sexy dumbasses where you become their leader to lead the team to victory!

Throughout the game, where you have to scope out both male AND female liars to find the perfect partner, you are forced to deal with things, LIKE:

😑ffice Gossip:

Female Employee: "Did Mr. Minami just say he was obsessed with her butt?"😓

Narrator: 😁ffice Harrassment!

MC: "Could you please take your hand off my butt?"😓

Narrator: And of course…😅ffice Deception:

MC: "You’re a boy aren’t you?! You lied to me to get info from the company!"😤

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: And no, before you ask, you CANNOT romance the girls!😤

Seriously, stop asking. Voltage Japan doesn’t give us what we want you know…😒

But hey, at least we are getting a Voltage anime and manga series soon, right?😃



"Harry Styles”(Azusa)🎸

“Greys in Anime”(Sotaro)😷

“Soryu Ichinomiya”(Haruchi)💸

“Cake Boss”(Toya)🎂

“Incestuous FIFA Star”(Shuto)⚽️

“The Real Scumbag”(Kunio)👹

“Poker Face”(Keima)🃏

“Cover Boy”(Joe)💄

“Writer of: The Liar Games”(Kazumi)📖

“The Perfect Match for the Perfect Liar”(Itaru)🎭

“Caitlyn Jenner”(May)👩🏻/👦🏻

“(NOT) Yusei Fudo”(Yusei)🔩

“Harry Potter”(Kohei)👓

“Follow me on Instagram!”(Shiori)📲

“90s Lesbi Barbie”(Reina)💋

“I’m Blue!(And lazy!)” (Minoru)😪

“Thirsty in my 30s”(Daikichi)💦


“Lonely Virgin”(Chisa)😔

“BETTER than Itaru!”(Keisuke)😉



"The WORST Flirting Guide Ever!”(Liar Bunny)🐰


“Pretty Little Liars” (The MCs)💄

(Slight Beat)


Hey! Here’s a fun game! Take a shot every time someone in the game says liar! 😆🍷

MC: Liar!😾

MC: Liars and cheats!😑

MC: Are they all liars?!😧

MC: These liars don’t stand a chance!😉

Kunio: You are such a liar!😒

Narrator: Nevermind…you’ll probably end up in the hospital…😓

But hey, at least you’ll get to see Sotaro!😃

Follow and comment if you want more honest trailers!

Bad Ideas (Chapter Five)

Welcome back! If you are missing any chapters, check out the MASTERLIST!

“Sweet cheeks?” Wade called, wandering through the office and garage. “Oh there they are.” He tilted his head and just stared at that long, lean body bent over the hood of a car replacing a battery. “I missed you boys, been hiding in an office chair for like weeks and–”

“Wade.” Peter straightened and grinned. “Stop talking to my ass. What do you want?”

“You almost done?” Wade tilted his head and made a point of trying to crane his neck around to see Peter’s butt again.

“Yeah man, just about. Two minutes if you’d just leave me alone and let me finish. What’s up?”

“It’s time for a grocery run in town unless you want baking soda and crackers for dinner. You wanna come?”

“Uh–” Peter thought for a minute, trying figure out what else needed to be done before they could close the shop. He was pretty sure all the paperwork was done, and this car wasn’t being picked up until late tomorrow. So–

“I could use my hand, or my mouth or—” Wade was talking but shut up when Peter’s eyes bugged out.

Keep reading

Crash // Maynard Brothers

Word Count: 1842

Summary- You get into a car crash, and suddenly your twin starts acting weird.

Warnings; car crash, mention of a coma, & swears? (don’t actually remember, this was written in like a 3 day span and I can’t be bothered to check.)

A/n; I thought I’d try a different writing style, tell me what you think?? Also I’m lowkey really happy with this one, but at the same time, I’m not. Idk. Let me know your thoughts.

Requested; Yes.

req; Is it ok if you do an imagine with jack? It takes place post car accident (with both reader and jack in the car, without jack, either is fine. You can even write the accident if you wanted idc) and he is TERRIFIED of you getting anywhere near a car? It’s ok if you can’t, I know it’s a lot XD




“Can you pick up some Nando’s on the way home?” Jack asked, his voice playing through the car’s speakers. “Sure thing Jack.” You said, your eyes not moving off the road. You were thankful cars had Bluetooth, especially for calls. It made everything so easy. “Anything in particular you wan-” You began to say, but were cut off by a huge smashing sound, glass flying and the world spinning rapidly, before you hit your head and everything went black.

You shot up out of your bed, drenched in sweat. You had tears rolling down your cheeks, and you were panting heavily. You mentally cursed yourself for still shaking at the thought of that day. It still haunted you like a fresh wound; as if it were only yesterday. Even if for half of that period you weren’t awake, it was still hard to believe. You expected it to scar you, but you didn’t think it would be quite like this.

Beep. Beep. Beep. “Please, Y/N, please..” You faintly heard, the sound familiar, but indistinguishable. “I need you, please..” You groaned, the bright light nearly blinding you as you peeled open your eyes. The room you found yourself in was unfamiliar, ugly light yellow walls surrounding you and very bright long lights stretched across the ceiling. You weren’t sure where you were, but you knew it wasn’t your room.

The crash. Thankfully, no one got hurt. No one else, anyway. The truck that hit you spun out of control and smashed into the side of your car. You were in a coma for a month. Or so you were told. You struggled to wrap your head around the situation. A whole month. A whole month you were in complete darkness. It felt like mere hours, the distant beeps you now know was the heart monitor, a noise in the background of the dark abyss you found yourself in.

You rubbed your eyes. When you raised it, your arm felt slightly restricted, and you looked down, you realized there were IVs in your arm and hand. “What the..” You whispered, throat sore. “Where am I?” You rasped, as if you hadn’t spoken in weeks. “Y/N?” You looked up at the sound of a voice, your blue eyes meeting the concerned, yet relieved ones of your twin. “Jack?” You whispered, unable to speak fully with your dry, sore throat. Jack looked stunned, but shook his head, jumping up suddenly, running to the door and throwing it open. “Doctor! Nurse! She’s awake!” He called out to the room, and a bunch of people crowded in.

You shook your head. You knew you weren’t the only one who was suffering. For you, it was terrifying; and the worst part was; you didn’t even see it coming. You only felt the impact; mentally, and physically. Jack, on the other hand, was taking it harder than you. You couldn’t imagine what he’d been through in the last month. You on one hand, were trapped in the abyss of nothing, unknowing of time or anything around you. Jack had to spend every day, waiting agonizingly for his other half to wake up, praying she would come back. Praying you would come back. Maybe you would know, but he refused to look at you, let alone talk to you.

“Hello, dear. I’m a doctor. You’re in the hospital. Can you tell me your name, some facts about you and the last thing you remember?” A man told/asked you. “My name is Y/N Maynard, I’m 22 years old, and I have a twin brother named Jack, and older brother named Conor and a younger sister named Anna. Last I remember is driving my car and a loud crashing sound.” You said, slightly confused. The doctor smiled, though it was bittersweet, you didn’t know why. That’s when the news came. “You’ve been in a coma for a month, Y/N.”

Jack was always a very secluded person. He liked his feelings to stay his; to keep things to himself. Always, ever since you were a kid, you were his only exception. You were the one he’d go to for everything, from girl problems to anxiety attacks, you were his rock. Now, you felt like you were missing your other half. Jack had shut himself from not only you, but everyone. All his friends were worried, Conor was worried. You weren’t worried. You were absolutely terrified.

After the news, the doctors left, and you were sitting in silence. The door creaked, and in walked several sets of footsteps. The watery eyes of Conor, Anna, your mum and dad met your own, and a smile illuminated your face. “Hi.” You croaked, and they all ran over, squishing you in a Maynard hug. Except one. “Where’s Jack?” You asked, the pain evident in your groggy voice. “He said he needed time.” Conor whispered, tucking your hair behind your ears and scanning your face, as if unbelieving you were awake. “I’m sorry.” Conor said, he knew how much you wanted your twin, and he wasn’t there.

“Jack. Let me in.” You pleaded, banging on his door. “No.” He said, and you distinctively heard his voice crack. “Jack please..” “Leave me alone, Y/N!” He yelled, clearly annoyed. “No, Jack! Stop whatever this is! I want to know why you’ve shut me out since I got back! You didn’t even visit me in the hospital for god’s sake!” You screamed, and the door swung open.

“Why not?” You asked, wanting to know at least a decent reason Jack wasn’t here. Conor looked at your parents, as if asking if he should tell you. They look to each other, unsure. Anna steps up to your bed, and only then did you notice the tears running down her cheeks. “He thinks it’s his fault.” She whispered, choking back a sob. You took in a sharp breath, completely stunned by the news.

“You wanna know why I wasn’t there? One month, Y/N! An entire month without my sister, without you! I watched you for weeks, sitting in absolute silence! I talked to you, and you didn’t reply! The doctors said you could’ve died! By the way things were going, I thought you already were dead! What the hell would I have done then? I need you! You’re the better half of me, and I’m scared, alright? I’m scared of losing you!” Jack screamed, and you fell silent. You quickly realized the tears running down his already stained cheeks, his eyes red and puffy from crying.

“How would it be his fault? That doesn’t make sense..” You stuttered, your heart rate increasing. “Relax, relax, Y/N.” Your mom said, stroking your forehead gently. “You were on the phone with him when you were driving, yeah?” Anna asked, and Conor looked about ready to pull her out of the room. He stepped forward, presumably to do so, but you cut him off. “Yeah..” You answered, and suddenly, it all made sense.

“Jack..” You whispered, tears blurring your own sight. “No! I spent a month talking to your limp body. I prepared myself for the worst. I shut out everyone because all I wanted was you. I wanted my twin. You weren’t there, and it was all my fault!” He sobbed, and you ran over engulfing him in a hug. He tensed, but let his arms swing around your torso and pull you close. “I was so scared, Y/N..” He whimpered, and you realized just how hard this must’ve been for him.

“He thinks he distracted me because he was talking to me on the phone? He thinks I crashed because of that?” You asked, your voice cracking. None of your family answered, but Conor was giving Anna a look, as to say ‘you’ve fucked up.’ She backed away slightly, an apologetic look in her eyes. “Sorry.” She muttered, mainly to Conor. “B-but, I didn’t even crash! The truck ran into me!” You said, trying desperately to make an excuse for Jack not to feel guilty. You failed.

“Jack, I’m right here. I didn’t die. It’s not your fault, you know? The truck hit me, not the other way around.” You said, pulling him back to be face to face with his. “I was calling you, I was still distracting you from the road. It was my fault.” He stuttered, trying to control the seemingly endless stream of tears. “Jack, it’s fine. I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re both fine. It was not your fault, okay? I promise.” You said, and he broke down, sobbing into your shoulder.

“I want to see him.” You said, looking at your family. They all gave each other looks. Anna gestured for Conor to speak, as besides Jack, you were the closest with him. He ran a hand through his hair; a nervous tick of his. He stepped forward, looking down at you sadly.You could see up close, he had tears blurring his eyes, and you knew the news wouldn’t be good. “Y/N.. He doesn’t want to see you.” Conor said, softly.

“The Uber is here.” You muttered, rubbing his back soothingly. “No!” Jack exclaimed, grabbing you tighter. You frowned, confused. “Jack, why not? We have to go to Conor’s.” You said, looking into his eyes. “W-what… what if we crash?” He stutters, nervously. “Jack, we won’t. What happened to me was a rare occasion. It won’t happen again. I won’t leave you again, okay? This time, you’ll be there for me too, right?” You told him, and he nodded.

“How could he not want to see me! This is ridiculous!” You cried, tears running down your face. Your family smiled sadly. “He’s been here for a month, Y/N. He thought you were going to die.” Anna blurted, being shushed once again by the eldest Maynard child. “Did you all think that?” You asked, vulnerably. Conor frowned. “We didn’t know what to think, Y/N. For all we knew, you could’ve already been dead.” “But I’m not.” You defended, saddened by the thought your twin didn’t want to see you. “We know, and he knows too. He’s just scared you wouldn’t be.” Your dad said, grabbing your hand and squeezing it lightly. “It was a bit of a shock for us all.”

“Now let’s go before we get a complaint from our driver.” You teased, and he wiped his red eyes. “I look like shit.” He said, looking at his reflection in his phone camera. “You always do. Come onnn!” You said, pulling his arm. He looked at you in mock offense, storming off in front of you. He took off into a run, calling back “Last one there is a rotten egg!” You laughed at the childish nature of your twin, but you were glad he was back to normal, and you’d much prefer him like this than have him shut you out at all. “I win, Y/N!” Even if he was an annoying twin, he was your annoying twin, and you wouldn’t change it for the world.

FIGHTER (Part 4)

Originally posted by ftyoonmin

“Please be okay..please, please be okay.” 

The man’s voice was distant but you detected sadness and worry in his tone. Not able to open your eyes yet, you concentrated on the feeling of fingers running through your hair and the heavy aching feeling in your body. You recognized his voice at least; Wonho, the gorgeous guy you met not so long ago. The last thing you could remember was running with Wonho down a tunnel, hearing loud gun shots and feeling terrified for your life. 

‘Am I dead?’ 

You thought to yourself before trying to open your eyes. The first thing you noticed was that you had absolutely no clue where you were. It was a plain camel brown room with a few pictures of himself and what could have been his friends on the walls, a floor length mirror, a simple wooden dressing table and some book shelves. Laying on an unfamiliar bed, you were feeling groggy; hoping to god you weren’t being held captive. 

“Oh thank god you’re awake!” 

Wonho cried in relief. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with red rimmed eyes  like he’d been crying. As you opened your mouth to speak, you noticed the lack of moisture in your mouth, making your throat feel like a desert. 

“I need some water.” 

You croaked, slowly sitting up on the bed. Instantly, Wonho jumped up and ran to get you some. Shortly, he returned with a pint glass of water in his hand and a sorry expression on his face. The cold water felt like heaven as it trickled down your throat, helping you get your voice back. 

“What happened?” 

You asked, needing an explanation to stop you from feeling like you were going insane. Wonho sighed deeply, his head falling in to his hands in a sense of despair. 

“You fainted when we were running away. I picked you up and carried you here, to my place. We’re on the other side of the wall now…” 

Nodding your head slowly, it all seemed to be coming back to you. Suddenly, he grabbed your hands, his puppy dog eyes tearing up before droplets began to fall from his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry (Y/N). I should have fucking left you alone. I’ve put you in so much danger and now you can’t go back home because they’re waiting for us to try and sneak back in and I can’t let you get hurt, I just can’t!” 

Wonho balled, feeling immensely guilty for the situation he had put you in but for some reason, you didn’t really care about not being able to go home, all you cared about was making Wonho happy again. It felt like a stab to your heart to see him cry. Although you didn’t know what your status was like with Wonho, you couldn’t resist throwing your arms around him. 

“Hey now, don’t be upset. It’s okay, honestly, it’s okay.” 

You uttered softly, running your hand up and down his back to try and calm him. 

“I’ll figure out a way to get you home I promise! I won’t let you get hurt!” 

You let out a little smile with the way he was so insistent on not letting you get hurt. 

“I know, I know. Please don’t cry Wonho. I have nothing waiting for me at home anyway.” 

Wonho wiped away his tears with his sleeve and nodded his head. 

“Sorry. I just feel…protective over you. When you fainted…I could have had a heart attack. Damn, if anything happened to you I don’t know what I’d do.” 

After a few sweet moments of hugging him, he finally put on a brave face, looking at you with such warmth and care. You noticed how you might be starting to smell in the clothes you’d been wearing for almost two days, your hands trying to smooth out the creases of your shirt so you didn’t look ugly to him. 

“Oh yeah, we’ll probably need to get you some more clothes and some essentials. I’ve never lived alone before, I only have one tooth brush.” 

Wonho smiled widely, his eyes twinkling. You hadn’t thought of it as living together but you certainly didn’t dislike the idea. Being cute and attentive, he wrote down your clothes size and all the things you’d need to stay with him. Bringing up feminine hygiene products definitely wasn’t easy. Both of your cheeks blushed bright red and they blushed even more when he had to ask for your bra size. When he left to go to the store, you fell back on the soft bed, sprawling out and stretching your limbs, thinking about the idea of living with a guy; it wasn’t something you were used to either. Although you were worried and scared about how or if you were ever going to return home, the prospect of living with Wonho was exciting, new and fresh. Through the danger, you hoped there were great times to come.

That evening, you were sitting downstairs with Wonho, watching a comedy on the small TV that he had. Wonho didn’t have a lot but you noticed that what he did have, he didn’t mind sharing with you at all. The clothes he had bought you were basic and all neutral colours like grey, black and nude. He explained that he was afraid to buy you colourful things in case it brought more attention to you. However, he did buy you something colourful which you were confused about. It was a blonde wig with a hot pink ombre. 

“Wear this if you ever need to go outside. A lot of people have different hair colours here. It’s the only way we can really express ourselves.” 

He instructed. It explained the colourful hair he rocked so well. Suddenly, Wonho’s front door swung open and you heard loud, enthusiastic voices. You grabbed on to Wonho’s arm, expecting the worst when he chuckled at you. 

“Relax, they’re my friends.” 

He eased your worry and soon enough, Jooheon, Minhyuk, I.M, Hyungwon, Kihyun and Shownu were introducing themselves to you and shaking your hand. The guys were so fun and bursting with energy, it was infectious. You couldn’t help but giggle around them; you understood why Wonho liked them so much. 

“Damn boy, you said she was beautiful but you didn’t say she was this beautiful!” 

Jooheon said to Wonho, making Wonho playfully hit him in the stomach.

“Yah! Don’t embarrass me, you’re supposed to be my friend!” 

Wonho replied, pouting with his plump, soft lips. 

‘Does Wonho really think I’m beautiful?’ 

You thought, hoping it was true. The way Wonho seemed so embarrassed hinted that he really did tell his friends you were beautiful. Wonho’s friends visiting really did seem to cheer him up. His smile and the sound of his laughter gave you a great sense of relief and it calmed you from the stressful couple of days you’d had. 

“But Wonho! I’m not tired!” 

You whined as he set up an air mattress on the floor in his room to sleep in, giving the bed to you. He told you that he wanted to be near you at all times in case something happened during the night. 

“But I’m very tired so go to sleep. You need to rest.” 

He replied. You could see the sleepiness in his eyes. He looked so cute when he was tired. 

“But Wonho! Can’t we stay awake for just a…” 

You were stopped by Wonho placing his finger softly upon your lips. Though he was tired, he still gazed so deep in to your eyes with the same sparkle he always had. Your heart began to race, adrenaline pumping through your body as his lips started to move closer to yours. Parting your lips, you prepared them for the kiss you thought you were going to get. You wanted to throw your arms around him and his him so hard your lips would get sore but as his lips got closer and his gaze got more seductive, he changed his mind and placed a sweet, long kiss on your forehead. 

“Sleep jagiya.” 

Ship #57

I ship you with : Regulus Black (absolute babe let’s be honest)

Note: gif and photos not mine

● Seriously you loved your house, just not the people in it. Little cunts and bitches acting like kings and queens. But you knew already who will succed for real. After school. Saddly so few of them.

● In fifth year you became headgirl of your house with Regulus Black. Popular, handsome and intelligent. Not your friend but you happened to talk to him because you’re both in the Slytherin quidditch team. Nothing particular, you can stand him. For you there are three types of people: the ones who really need to shut up, the ones who can talk but better shut up and the interesting one. Regulus Black was part of the second category.

● You and Regulus had to do night watch in the castle. That’s how you became friends. Sort of. Talking made the thing less boring and more you talked more you appreciate each other. He was more brillant than you thought and a boss of dark humor. You didn’t ignore each other in class anymore and even eventually spend free time together.

“So you are into Regulus” said one of your good friend when you were in the great hall.

“What? No!”

“Oh please, i would never have bet on him but you like Black and so he likes you.”

“Not at a…”

“…look he is coming. Hundred percent sure he is gonna say hello and a nice compliment”

That was stupid. Well until the young wizard arrived at your table.

“Hi Y/N, nice skirt”

Fuck the bitch was right. You tried not to blush and thanked him in the coldest way.

“Boom he’s in love !” Your friend laughed

“Nonsense, that was just a compliment”

“I mean, have you ever heard the magnificient Regulus Black make a compliment to someone?”

No. Never in a whole life. Not even to his friends and god know how many of them he had. Not even to all the girls who used to giggle when he was passing in the corridors. You didn’t know why but this statement put you in a strange mood. You will never wear that skirt again.

● “Bloody hell who is this ?” You asked noticing four boys in the stairs in the middle of the night

“My brother and his friends” Regulus answered a close expression on his face

You’d heard rumors. Some people said the mother of Regulus kicked his other son out of the house and it was obvious Reg was not getting along with him.

“I can take care of this…if you want” you said with a bad presentiment

“Why? I have no problems with him” lied your friend “Potter! What are you doing here ?”

The face of the four Gryffindor turned from “we are having such a great time” to “international fuck” when they saw you. Especially Remus Lupin.

“Oh hi bro”

“I repeat, what are you doing here ?”

“Peter is sleepwalker unfortunately so we are bringing him back to the common room”

That was a pathetic lie. And Peter Pettigrow laughed, the fool.

“No joke, being out of the common room at night is strictly forbidden except in case of emergency” you said annoyed

“But that’s a big emergency! Look at the poor boy”

Regulus was loosing his patience next to you. You could feel it. The way he was looking at Sirius like he was about to strangle him was almost scary. You fought with yourself not to catch his hand to calm him.

“We will see if it’s still funny in front of Mcgonagall”

“Cmon bro”

“Stop calling me bro, you’re nothing to me”

Wow that was harshly said. Even Sirius didn’t had anything to answer. Regulus was breathing loudly, clenching his hands into fist.

“Well, we let you go this time. But if we catch you again you know the way to Mcgonagall office”

● You and Regulus didn’t really talk about what happened that night. He was barely talking at all after this in fact.

You caught him after a quidditch training.

“Can we talk?”

“Yeah…what is it?”

“It’s about your brother…” you started

“…I don’t have any brother anymore” he cut you

God how much you hated when people were doing this. But he was looking so miserable behind his anger. Was breaking your heart in million of pieces.

“Please, it’s not because your mother said he is a traitor that he is!”

“What you know about my family ? Nothing, so shut the hell up”

“No I am not! You’re spoiled Black you don’t realise how lucky you are to have a brother who loves you”


Nobody ever yelled at you this way. That was so horrible that tears went to your eyes.

“I told you to shut up, you should have”


“No, you think you’re better than anyone but in fact you’re just another egoistical bitch”

● You wished you could hate him but after this violent argument you were just feeling empty. So that was what everybody was thinking about you. Great. Brillant.

● “Hi Y/N” said a voice behind your back a few days after

That was him. Arms crossed behind his back. Looking at his feets.

“Wanna talk with the egoistical bitch?”

“That’s not even true, you’re pretty cool actually. I am sorry ”

“It’s okay”

Should have pissed you off but this time you chose to forgive. Regulus life was probably more difficult than you excpected.

“The worst about this is you’re right…” he admited


“I still love this little shit… Mother burned his face on the family tree, we can’t pronounce his name anymore.”

“You’re human”

“No I have always been the perfect son and Sirius was the ugly duckling. We were fighting every day… so… why do I miss him?”

“That’s brother love…maybe you should talk to him”


● “I did it!!”

“What ?”

“ I talked to Sirius”

Regulus looked so excited, happy like a little child. Smiling was making him younger. More beautiful, too.

“Great! How was it?”

“Strange…but I feel good now. Thank you”

“I didn’t do anything” you answered humbly

“Yes you did”

Now you were trying not to blush really hard. Nobody could make you blush. Well except him apparently. But he was like so close to your face.

“The other day I wasn’t mad because of Sirius, you know. I was mad because you could read in me. Behind the mask. Father always said marry the girl who know you better than you know yourself. I think I have found her”

And he kissed you. His lips were the most amazing thing you’d ever taste. This boy was a killer. Regulus Black just passed from “can talk but better shut up” to “interesting people”. Really interesting.

Walk through the fire

chapter 1 

Strategist and priestess Lucy Heartfilia gets caught up in the turmoil of war. Torn between duty and love she must decide whether to follow her heart or mind because the destiny of two nations rests on her shoulders.

Chapter 2: Breathe

“I hear the sound, echoes beneath
Angels and skylines meet
And I’m straining to reach 
The light on the surface, light on the other side

I feel the pages turning
I see the candle burning down
Before my eyes, before my wild eyes
I feel you holding me, tighter I cannot see
When will we finally


Before Lucy opened her eyes she could rather feel it than see it. She was lying on something large, hard and moving. She could feel his powerful muscles under her body and his legs, pushing forward and shifting her weight with each step. When her eyelids fluttered and slowly opened, a sharp, white light clouded her vision and she needed a couple of seconds until her sight focused.

Lucy narrowed her eyes, lifting up her head a little. The sun had been long risen up and she could easily see the tall, massive pines that were surrounding her. And under her… she was riding. More specifically she was lying on a brown stallion and had probably been on it for a long time because she could hardly feel the inner parts of her hips. Lucy tried standing up but something prevented her legs and hands from moving. Her ankles and wrists were tied to the horse’s saddle.

“Well, damn!”

The unknown voice, croaky and deep, made her jump as far as the ropes were letting her. She turned her head on the other side but again couldn’t see the man, because her golden hair let down like a curtain in front of her face.

The unknown man laughed hoarsely and rough, calloused hands pushed her locks away.

Lucy stared at her kidnapper in surprise.

“It’s you!”

Keep reading

~legit don’t know what to title this!~

Pairing: Ryan x Reader

Summery: Haters get the better of you. Ryan is there to help

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2090

A/N: Hello there gang! Long time no see since my last fic I just had the motivation for this one so please give me some feedback if you liked it my lovelies! ily all <3

You’d been working as an editor for Achievement Hunter for a few months now, mostly working on the Minecraft Let’s Plays and Let’s Watch. Let’s Watch was a pretty easy series to edit as most of the time you were just cutting the audio into sync. It was a slow day in the BTS office so you were sitting in the corner on a bean bag chair reading one of your favourite books.

Keep reading

Hope for Christmas

Happy Birthday Liz!!

Today is the hardest of them all. This first Christmas without her son, trapped in a land she hates. Fortunately for Regina, Robin and Roland are there to give her a bit of hope and happiness on this holiday. Missing year OQ.

Regina collapses down on the bed, rolling off of Robin with a satisfied groan, her labored breathing causing her chest to rise and fall as they come down from their high. This is good. Just what she needs. This blissful moment where her brain is quiet. When her body can only focus on her loose limbs and trembling muscles. Not the deep ache that resides in her chest. All the time. Never ending.

She’s not thinking about Henry right now. Or the fact that he’s an entire world away, somewhere she can never possibly find her way to, not anymore.

It’s Christmas.

The first one without her son and it hurts, more than Regina could ever have imagined. She’d thought the months she’s already spent here had been hell, but this is worse. The hardest day she’s faced yet, this holiday without her little prince. There are none of their usual traditions. No hanging stockings from the mantle and decorating the tree, Henry getting tangled up in the lights until they are both doubled over in laughter. No making Christmas cookies and warm hot chocolate with cinnamon before sitting down and watching Rudolph.

They don’t get to have any of that anymore. Instead she is trapped in this castle she despises, haunted by memories of the past that Regina would prefer to forget while Snow traipses around spreading holiday cheer. It’s sickening.

But they both have their own ways of coping with the harsh loss of their children. The princess has been prancing about the castle decorating every inch of it with holly and tinsel, wreaths and ribbons, and Regina’s been doing this.

Keep reading

My Ranking of Big Brother’s Season 18 Contestants

Big Brother’s 18th season commenced a couple weeks ago. Although it’s still a miracle millions of people are still invested in this show it continues. I’ve been watching for as long as I can remember. The magic in the show is that it casts a bunch of hot people, comes on in summer when nothing else is on, and most of us have probably been watching for over a decade so we stay loyal. 

I’m annoyed that the show still casts based on archaic stereotypes. Ghetto black girl. Token gay guy. A dozen hot white jocks and perfect bodied bimbos. Blah blah blah. Then they throw in twists, keep bringing back past contestants, and keep finding new ways to make the game as convoluted as ever. 

Yet here I am glued to this season as well. Well I haven’t been watching religiously, but I do have my favorites and list of those I want gone already. 

So here’s my ranking of Big Brother’s Season 18 contestants. 


Glenn was the first contestant eliminated when his team came in dead last in the opening night’s competitions. I was a bit annoyed that the show finally decided to cast someone over the age of 35 for the first time in like 5 years, yet made him the only older contestant only for him to be sent home first. I wish they would have cast multiple older housemates. The show used to be way more diverse age wise, but in recent seasons they only cast hot 20 somethings with maybe an occasional contestants in their early 30s. 

Glenn was definitely the biggest contestant and most “out of shape” but I thought his daddy bear body was sexy. He was thick and juicy and a total Bronx stereotype but I found it sexy. 


I never found the Asian with the southern accent because he was adopted by rednecks amusing. I found James annoying in his previous season, and am annoyed to have him back in the game. It seems like the producers chose all the most unbearable “favorites” from past seasons to include. I wish the game would do a season where no one is a past contestant or relative of a past contestant, but those seem to be new requirements every seasons because viewers allegedly want to see past favorites and their family members compete. I just hope the newbies rise up and eliminate all the vets as soon as possible. 


I don’t even remember Frank from his previous season. I do remember his voice, but completely forgot his face. He’s very unremarkable looking. I don’t understand how he’s a favorite, since he’s not attractive and didn’t win. He may have come close, but I really don’t remember him whatsoever. Apparently he was the best at competitions in his season, and he’s doing well this season, unfortunately. Again, hoping the newbies rise up and get the vets gone as soon as possible. But considering how blatantly Big Brother producers manipulate competitions so that their favorites win, I doubt Frank will leave anytime soon. Ugh! 


Nicole is another past contestant who I couldn’t stand. I only remember her as the ugly girl with the glasses and the grating voice. She was definitely a horrible person, and hated every girl that was prettier than her, which was basically everyone except her ugly friend with the glasses. I don’t know how Nicole is considered a favorite, since there’s nothing likable about her. Though Big Brother does seem to love basic white bitches, so I guess Nicole found her niche. She was the first HoH, but I can’t wait for her to be eliminated. 


Although I’ve always loved the name Bridget, Bridgette on this season is the ugliest girl in the house so I anticipate her elimination so I don’t have to look at her anymore. She has the “cute and quirky” thing going for her, but I’ve never been a fan of quirky. So she can go. 


I’m not even sure if Michelle has gotten any screen time since being on the show. I forget she’s even in the house. I don’t know enough about her to genuinely dislike her. But I hate her glasses and she reminds me of that hideous cunt Christine from 2 seasons ago that was bff’s with Nicole that’s on this season. Therefore Michelle resembling a past contestant I dislike makes me not like her. 


As soon as she started speaking it was obvious that Tiffany is the sister of last season’s lesbian poker player Vanessa Rousso. Tiffany’s at least prettier than her sister, but has the same annoying butch bro voice. Eh. Vanessa was annoying enough and she made it all the way to top 3. Hopefully her sister doesn’t last as long. 


Bronte’s voice is absolutely irritating. Though I have an annoying baby voice too so I can’t judge her too harshly for it. She has the annoying quirky thing going for her too, but Bronte’s at least prettier than the other alternative quirky girls in the house so I find her more tolerable. Though even though she’s an aspiring mathematician, she doesn’t seem like she can out maneuver her other contestants. Though part of me is rooting for her. Even though I don’t care that much about her. Also I like her cool name. Her mother must have been a Bronte sisters fan. 


It seems obvious that Natalie is the hot girl with big boobs cast to get on a showmance. I have no idea what showmance are currently forming since I haven’t been paying much attention, but she’s pretty. Natalie at least is attempting to get an all girls alliance going. I wish the women would start dominating the game for once, but every season the girls quickly turn on each other and start getting picked off one by one by all the men. i wish for once the girls would rise up, unite, and start picking off all the annoying bros, but we’ll see if that ever actually happens. 


I see potential in Corey to be this season’s true villain. There’s something about him that seems mysterious. I see him as a cunning loner that has no real alliances but with himself. He kinda sparks my gaydar too. I wish for once this show would let a gay power showmance develop and dominate this game. I doubt that will happen with Corey, but I do hope he is this season’s villain and makes everyone suffer and they can’t get him out of the house. He kind also comes across as bland basic muscular white boy, so maybe all my hopes for him are just in vain for hoping he gives us something. He also is as bland as cauliflower. 


Honestly I keep getting Paulie and Corey confused. They both seem like bland basic muscular typical frat boy white boys. Though Paulie is the brother of past contestant Cody Califiore. I think Paulie is hotter, but it feels like he’s trying too hard to come across as an even bigger narcissistic Jersey douchebag than his brother. I guess he’s living in his brother’s shadow and trying to out do him. It’s annoying, but at least Paulie is hot so I find him tolerable. 


Jozea is the worst! I’m only rooting for him since he’s the only (openly) gay contestant this season. Also he’s a gay person of color. But he’s unbearable. Everyone else in the house hates him after the first week. I think he may have even been eliminated last night in the first eviction, but I haven’t watched last night’s episode yet. The boy is delusional. He’s egotistical, narcissistic, and completely out of touch by how everyone around him is turned off by his delusions. Jozea kept thinking everyone in the house loved him and would never evict him, yet his own team members helped get him on the nomination block. 

I’m  more upset that Big Brother only casts one gay contestant usually to root for. I wish they would put at least 3 gay guys in the house at the same time. Drama would surely ensue and it would be ratings gold! 


Even though Da’Vonne is the stereotypical loud ghetto black single mother whose big mouth gets her into trouble, I like her. She was eliminated 2nd in her season and everyone hated her because she was too hood for the house. She’s the only one of the returning contestants I like, and I hope she redeems herself this season. Da’Vonne is very intuitive. She was the first to figure out the twins twist in her season, and quickly realized Tiffany is Vanessa’s sister this season. Hopefully her ghetto bird ways don’t sabotage her game this season. I’m rooting for her! 


Zakiyah is definitely the most beautiful woman in the house. I hope she makes it far. She’s aligned herself with Da’Vonne. That could go either way, but I hope they make it far. After many seasons of black women being bullied by racists with no intervention from the fellow housemates or producers, it’s time for retribution. I hope Zakiyah makes it far, and her team is my favorite. 


I’m loving Victor. I think he’s super sexy. He works at a gym, so I can relate, and he’s got a hot body. Sometimes he comes across as a sexy cholo and others prince charming. I hope he gets in a showmance. I know I’d want him if I was in the house. I do worry he’s not the brightest. Though all 3 of my favorite guys seem to be aligned but aren’t the smartest of boys, but at least they’re hot. I’m rooting for you Victor! 


As soon as I saw Paul’s beard I was in love and he was my instant favorite. That tattooed bearded hipster looking musician/fashion designer is who I’m rooting for. Things weren’t looking good for Paul week one when Frank put him on the block as the road kill nominee, but luckily my boy Paul won the veto! He’s very outspoken and not flying under the radar so there’s already a target on this back. He’s also close with my other favorites Jozea, Zakiyah, and Victor, and he’s on team Da’Vonne. So all of my favorites are closely linked, but hopefully Paul makes the right alliances, so he can win this season of Big Brother

Today I Wanted To Forget About Jesus and Kick Someone's Face In

The truth is: I can write a whole lot of inspirational Christianese pick-me-up platitudes on my blog, but in a heated moment of confrontation I can suddenly enter into a horrible rage that’s downright embarrassing.  In a second, all my pretty plastic theology can go out the window and there’s no spiritual photoshopped phrase on an ocean wallpaper that will hold me back from kicking someone’s face in.

This is ugly.  It is sad.  It is me.

Maybe I’m being too candid here, and I absolutely understand if this turns you off and drives you away.  But I am capable of the worst kind of evils, the most despicable acts of violence at the flip of a switch.

Earlier today I was with my fiancé and our families looking at houses, and a large white man outside his home yelled, “Your car is parked in an unacceptable position."  When I say large white man, I mean to say that he looked like he was on the cheese-puffs-only diet and was an esteemed clan leader of League of Legends. 

I replied, "We’re just looking at the house for a few minutes."  He yelled back even louder about my bad parking job.  Of course, it wasn’t a really big deal and I could’ve let this go.  But I said, "No, I think you’ll be fine."  And he yelled some more.

And right then, I had that thought I always do in moments like this.  He’s only yelling at me really loud because I’m Asian, and Asians are supposed to be passive and quiet and submissive.  If I was black or white or Latino or an attractive woman, he wouldn’t have started nothing.

Then, in a flash, I thought of killing this guy.  I mean literally walking over there, roundhouse-kicking his left knee, elbowing him in the nose, and then kicking his face in until he stopped moving.  I’m a fifth degree black belt, by the way, and I know how to kill someone with three of my fingers.  I didn’t think this guy was worthy of my fingers.

It was a terrible, disgusting, humiliating sort of rage that rushed through my throat – and I took a few steps forward, loading my leg, only to be pulled back by my fiancé.

Later I was so guilty about everything that I asked all those questions: Am I even a Christian?  Am I making spiritual progress?  Am I really growing up?  How could I be so ugly inside?  How could I think these things?  What if my church saw this?  What if my fellow bloggers saw it too?

Because really: This was a dumb situation in the midst of real suffering in the world, and I didn’t deserve to feel this angry.  I felt stupid, then stupid about feeling so stupid, and just plain bad.  I got a headache, like one of those hot feverish night sweats when your blanket feels like a coffin.  I wanted to throw up and die.  I wanted to crawl in a hole of shame and choke in my self-pity.  I thought, My blog, my ministry – it’s all over.

I wish I could wrap this up with a bowtie and say, "It’s all okay now."  It’s not.  I’m still in a daze about it, to be honest, and I can’t say I would’ve had the resolve to hold myself back if my wonderful lady hadn’t stopped me.

I can only say that I need grace, more than ever, because self-condemnation is so unbearable.  I need to know I’m still a human being, who fails, a lot.  I need to know I am fully known and still fully loved, and that even in these disturbing fractures in my carefully crafted facade, I can find the humility to move forward and do better next time. 

– J.S.

Scandal Episode 418, Honor Thy Father

Guys, what the fuck was that mess? What the actual fuck?

Severiano Canales, I need you to go back to doing whatever you were doing before you wrote this episode, because  it sucked, and sucked hard. Into the corner for you for writing an episode that contained way to much Melody Grant and Fucking Jake Ballard.

This episode was definitive proof that any episode that has Jake Ballard doing anything but muttering a couple of inane lines and trying to communicate his thoughts by osmosis, just doesn’t fucking work.

The writers were just doing way too much this episode. How did any of this bullshit move the story forward? They have four episodes to go and they give us this filler-ry bullshit?

Anyway, let’s get on with it.

What I liked

1.  The music.

Yeah, that was good. Effective. Unlike Scott Foley’s acting.

2.  Olivia eventually solving the case that we’d all solved within a second of hearing said case.

3.  Harmony and Fitz’s interaction.

I like this mature, supportive Fitz. I have no idea what it’s leading to, but he’s so much better now than the petulant man baby, we’ve seen for two seasons. It gives me hope that the writers actually have a plan that Olitzers will love.

4.  Abby:  “You’re going to make us look bad aren’t you?”
Liv:       “I hope so.”

I really love what they’re doing with Olivia and Abby’s friendship. It has such an organic feel to it now. It feels natural, something that we couldn’t have said back in season two. Don’t think that I didn’t notice that Abby was largely missing from this episode though. Ugh.

What I Hated With the Passion Of A Thousand Burning Suns

1.  Jake. 

There was so much freaking Jake. Please Oprah, let this be the last time this season that this man has more than two lines per show. I’ll be good, I promise, I’ll even try to not throw any more shade at Scott Foley’s inability to emote or handle words with more than two syllables. 

2.  Jake, once again using violence against David.

Well, we know he’s got form, but physically overpowering David seems ridiculous given what we found out later. These writers were high as fuck when writing this episode.

What was the point of the elaborate set-up if Jake was always in on the plan? Why physically threaten David? He couldn’t have shaken off suspicion by simply stating his intent not to be part of the investigation? Or is it that this is the one thing that the writers have found that Scott can do, so are gonna have him do it all the time?

3.  David:  "We are the good guys

No David, you may be, but Jake really isn’t. Just because the show wants to tell us that killing all those people including James doesn’t make him a bad guy, doesn’t mean that we buy it.

4.  The case of the week.

Seriously, how weak was that case? Who didn’t know that the reason the congressman was so vehement about his father being innocent was because he’d probably killed the guy himself? Who okayed this bullshit case, and thought it would make compelling viewing?

5.  The show still trying to pretend that Mellie is a smart woman, who has a cat in hell’s chance of governing anything.

Why is this story line still persisting? I need them to show me that Mellie has the intelligence, the wit and the charm to win an election. Even Mellie stans wouldn’t seriously vote for her, and they’re about as deluded a bunch of people as you’ll ever  come across.

Also, can we please modernize Mellie?  Those Stepford Wife sweater and dress sets practically scream ornamental in every way possible, and I am so over them now. How will anybody be able to take her seriously if she insists on dressing like a a 1950s housewife?

6.  Mellie: ”In my family, there is an us and a them, she is a them.

I rolled my eyes so hard.

7.  The white coat that Olivia wore into the prison to see the congressman’s father.

I see Lynn is back to dressing Liv in expensive shapeless sacks.

8.  Olivia:  "If you don’t let me help you, you’re going to die for this”

Is it bad that I just didn’t give a fuck whether this man dies or not?

9.  Cyrus:  "But when the storm clears, when Harmony leaves, the sky will be bright, and the world will be right, and we’ll find little flowers growing under the wreckage because Fitz will no longer support Mellie’s preposterous run for the presidency.

I know that you guys knew that as soon as Cyrus suggested that Harmony’s presence would cause a huge problem for Mellie and Fitz, that it wouldn’t pan out that way. This show has become incredibly predictable and not even in a good way.

10.  Mellie faking happiness at seeing Harmony.

I know that Mellie stans love that fake side of her nature, but the woman is going to be trying to get people to vote for her. The fakeness was just….ridiculous.

11.  Badass Rebel without a cause Charlie who has killed kings being made to look like a guy without a clue while he’s fighting Cant-Print-Wont-Print Jake Ballard.

Why can’t Jake just die? Is that asking for too much? Is it?

12.  Fitz:  ”If she doesn’t toughen up, she’ll never make it through her first campaign whether I’m standing by her side or not.“

Honestly, I’m struggling to understand how we’re supposed to buy that Mellie is any kind of candidate.  The woman is flaky as hell, and can’t control her emotions to save her life. Right now, she’s making Sarah Palin look almost Lincoln-esque.

13.  Charlie:  ”We gotta kill Jake.“

So says all of us Charlie, so says all of us.

14.  Quinn:  "There has to be an explanation for this. Jake is Jake, this is not Jake.

Seriously, somebody wrote this for Quinn’s character? Quinn who knows what it means to be a B613 agent? Quinn who knows that Jake had no problem killing James and those two female reporters?  Where is the fucking character consistency? Badass ruthless Charlie all of a sudden giving two fucks about a bunch of dead spies beyond how it effects him? Man those writers sucked so much this episode.  Looking at you Severiano. Into the corner you go for writing this mess!

15.  Mellie:  "It’s Mr President Harmony.“

Mellie stays being the worst. As if your sister is going to address your husband as Mr President. Ridiculous.

16.  Mellie:  ”Because I don’t embarrass myself everywhere I go, because I have a semblance of class.“

Really Mellie? The woman who went on national TV to out her freaking husband? The woman who was caught ripping a perspective female candidate to shreds because she wasn’t savvy enough to make sure that her mic was turned off? The woman who was caught by her daughter giving a blowjob to "Uncle Andrew”?  The woman who went on national TV and froze when she was asked a question, and then had to rely on her husband to rescue her? The woman who spent the first half of the season letting a forest grow in her pubic region? A woman who didn’t bother washing her hair or her body for weeks? A woman wearing a smelly bathrobe and chomping down on chicken where the staff could see her?

Really?  Mellie-child, you’re deluded as fuck. And you’re just as dumb.

17.  Harmony. “Lord knows Daddy would never have strayed if your frigid mother hadn’t run him out of the house.”

This sounds a familiar story. So this is why Mellie hates her sister so much? She’s a reminder of the first woman who took a man she loved away from her?

I’m laughing because all the Mellie stans thought that Harmony would hate Fitz.  I’m not sure what show these people have been watching, but that was never going to happen. Fitz is the guy that people like, Mellie is the woman who people avoid, because there’s not a genuine bone in her body.

If Mellie was a character that I had time for, I’d probably point out all the reasons why she feels so insecure about her sister’s presence in her life, but guess what, I don’t give a fuck, so I’ll let you people come up with your own psyche evaluation for Mellie. I couldn’t give a flying fuck.

18.  Mellie:  "No ones ever hated you, even when they disagree with you, they love Fitzgerald Grant, that face, that voice, you’ve got that thing that makes people love you, and I don’t, I never have.

Mellie feeling sorry for herself that she’s unlovable to everybody. Another reason why she resents Olivia outside the affair with her husband. Even though Liv herself doesn’t realize it, people love her. But then Olivia acts like a human being and not a judgmental, over-privileged dick.

Once upon a time, I would have felt something at this scene, but I can’t stand Mellie, so I’m having a hard time sympathizing with her white woman privileged ass. Build a bridge Mellie.

19.  Fitz:  ”You just have to make her feel welcomed.“
Mellie: "That was your job, I am the candidate now, you were supposed to be me in there. Not the sullen beleaguered leader of the free world you were, but the chipper First Lady, quick with the distracting anecdote to dissolve the tension and flatter the visitor.”

There goes Shonda’s second wave feminism rearing it’s ugly head again.  Bitch, it’s your fucking sister. Not a visiting dignitary, or a political opponent. It’s up to you to make her feel welcomed, it’s up to you to make her feel like you give a fuck. Not your husband’s. I can’t with this basic thinking, and the fact that there will be people who swallow that shit up, like it’s gospel makes me extra mad.

20.  The Human Vibrator:  “I don’t want you to worry about Liv, she’s safe, as long as nothing happens to me.”

Once again, the writers doing the absolute fucking most. What was the point of this scene? What was the point of Jake pretending that he’s gone rogue? These are Olivia’s people, why weren’t they included in the plan in the first place, why have them think that he’d lost his mind?  Well, we know why, the writers weren’t trying to fool Quinn and Huck, they were trying to fool the audience.  It’s one thing having a promo misdirect, but having the characters deliberately almost breaking the fourth wall and trying to fool the audience? Imma need somebody to take the bong out of the writers’ room in future.

21.  Quinn, Huck, Charlie and David sitting on the Lincoln Memorial steps just shooting the breeze, like their lives weren’t at risk.

Lord, preserve us.
I don’t understand why these people were going round playing Keystone Spies, refusing to tell Liv what was going on. Once again, character consistency.  When did they stop telling Olivia stuff that was entirely her business? When did they start treating her like a recalcitrant child? She’s their freaking boss.

22.  David:  "We are the white hats, we don’t quit until we get justice.

David, seriously shut the fuck up.

23.  David:  "You’re like the president, declaring war to save her, but you’re making the wrong decision. She will not like this, that’s not how she’s built, how come nobody knows that but me?

Good question David. How come they don’t? Oh yeah, because it serves the plot and serves to keep Jake relevant, even though he hasn’t been relevant since the second half of season two.

24.  Fitz:  “You need to know that it’s because she’s jealous.”
Harmony:  "Jealous? Of me?
Fitz: “The day that her dad left to be with your mother, it opened a hole in Mellie’s heart, that she has never been able to fill.  And everything you know about her, her ambition, her drive, it’s all been an attempt to fill that void. You have what she wants more than anything in the world. And the way she treats you, the pain that she inflicts, it’s just a way to hide her own.”

So what is it that Mellie wants then? To be happy? To have somebody who loves her? To have her father back in her life? What does she want? More to the point, do I give a fuck?

25.  Fitz: “You’re going to win this race Mellie, and I’m going to be right by your side when you do.”

Now this I found very interesting because it’s unlike the writers to give us a glimpse into the future, unless it’s a future that’s never going to happen, or unless there’s some kind of double meaning.

I wonder if this is part of Fitz’s plan? Give Mellie exactly what she wants. Get her to a point, where she can’t hurt him without hurting herself?  Or maybe get her to a point where she realizes that she’s better off without Fitz? I mean he seemed sincere enough, but I just feel like there was definitely something else there, and with only four episodes left, surely this season is leading to something tangible? Anything? Or it could have been confirmation that the divorce won’t be happening anytime soon? Who knows with these flaky fucking writers?

26.  Cyrus listening at the door.

I wish he’d just stop with his ridiculous machinations. How has this man not yet learnt that scheming does him no good? Also, why does Cyrus care anyway?

27.  David:  "Huck, we don’t need to find any other B613 witnesses, we have another source, me. I saw Jake kill James Novak, and Vanessa Chandler, and Shelby Moss. I can testify.“

Our annual reminder that Jake killed James, Olivia’s god daughter’s daddy, and those two reporters, also, David is trying to get himself killed.

28.  Olivia:  ”Nick lives alone, in a one bedroom apartment. He’s never been married, he’s never even had a significant relationship. He is his work, and he’s good at it. But that’s what he is. Work.  You did this so he could be free, but he isn’t. He’s been trapped his whole life, in a lie you made him tell. Let him go.

Olivia talking about herself again.

29.  So Holly was B613.

Jesus Christ, will this stinking B613 arc ever fucking die?

30.  So Olivia was in on everything from the start?

Well I guess I should feel happy about that, but honestly, I hate B613 so much that I’m finding it impossible to feel anything but freaking annoyed.

31.  Olivia: “What I need is for you to tell me the truth, because the things that are about to happen now, we need to be together.”

32.  Oh so a more more exciting story line is on its way?

33.  Rowan:  "Hello Olivia.“

God I hate this character.  I just hope that they’ve brought him back to have Olivia deal with him once and for all.  We can’t have another finale where
Rowan causes all this chaos, and just gets to shuck and jive out at his leisure, leaving Olivia broken.  Ain’t nobody interested in that fucking story line Shonda. Now run along and fucking fix it.

Random Thoughts

God that episode was boring as shit.  The writers tried to do way too much with the B613 story arc, and not enough with the case of the week.  Everybody and their mama knew that the son was the one who’d killed the pedophile.  If you didn’t know, I don’t know what to say to you, because it was obvious as hell.

I’m not one who prefers the White House drama to take a more prominent position, but the fact is, I was way more interested in what was happening between Fitz, Mellie and her sister, than anything that was happening at OPA or with B613, and that’s just a sad indictment, considering how much as can’t stand Mellie and her privileged ass.

Honestly, I’m so glad that there’s now going to be a two week hiatus. I’m going to need the writers to get their act together.  It’s fairly obvious to me that they don’t operate well under the pressure.  Every season since season two, things start up fairly well, the story telling is generally tight, and the episodes are fairly well done, then as the season rolls on, things just seem to get more and more crazy and nonsensical. It was like that during the first half of season two, then everything went to shit in the latter half. Season three started off ok, then went off the rails, and now the same thing seems to be happening in season four.  Imma need Shonda to hire her some better writers. Writers who can at least give us decent cases of the week. Writers that can make the cases of the week be as interesting as all the White House shenanigans. Writers who understand the concept of keeping the audience in suspense.

And for the love of God, can we get another Gladiator up in here?

Last week I mentioned that it was an interesting way to promote the show by basically hinting that Jake was going to turn bad, when it would eventually show us the opposite.  These people know that so many people are just not that into Jake as a character. Sure many want him to steal Olivia away from Fitz, because they hate Fitz rather than love Jake, but even those people would admit that he literally has no role.  Also, is it me or are the writers currently pretending that Olivia and Jake were never an item?  

We have all this push-pull with Fitz, a guy she hasn’t even been with in that way since last season, yet nothing about her and Jake? Nothing showing Jake’s reaction to her fucking another guy? They’re just going to pretend that they were never in a romantic relationship?


God knows I don’t need Labia Lips to get any more screen time, but even I know that pretending they were never a thing is just pure fuckery. May it long continue though.

Did y'all notice that half the stuff they showed us in the promo last week weren’t even included in the show? Where was Jake saying that he’d kill Liv? Or Quinn telling him that he’s not a good guy.  We know what happened of course, Shonda probably took those parts out, while ABC were left to work with an older version of the episode. Her abiding love for Scott Foley and The Human Vibrator continues. I don’t mind misleading promos, but Scandal has gotten really good at taking out entire scenes altogether. It’s fucking annoying, and shows a certain lack of belief in what the writers are doing.

I’m going to need the writers to stop messing around with the episode orders. This was disjointed as hell, and I didn’t know whether I was coming or going.  They need to stick with what they have, for better or worse, because all this swapping of episodes has really screwed up the show this back half of the season.


I know it looked like Russell was a plant after all, but I honestly don’t think he was. I actually think that he was what we thought he was. A guy who found Olivia, wildly attractive and wanted to screw her brains out.  He looked way too scared for him to be a B613 agent. And also, I’m going to give the writers the benefit of the doubt after already having Olivia’s bastard father send in somebody to sleep with Liv once, they won’t repeat themselves.  

Actually, I can’t say that with a straight face. Who the fuck am I trying to kid, these people do nothing but repeat story lines. 

If, and that’s  a big if, Russell turns out to have been a super-spy employed by Rowan The Bastard, then I think Olivia knew. I think she’d already worked it out. I think that she would have had him investigated when she found out that he knew who she was.  But no, I don’t think Russell is a crazy dude. Not like her daddy and The Human Vibrator anyway.

Anyway, that’s me done with this shitty episode, here’s my fave Olitz gif, and some Claire and Jamie GIFs to help ease the pain of another boring as fuck episode, because  Outlander comes back on Saturday, wooohoooo!  

It will be great to watch a show that doesn’t make me feel like I’m losing my brain cells. Enjoy!

Surfbort. Lol.