let us all take a minute and appreciate how fabulous she is

MITAM song blurb: If I could fly

“If I could fly, I’d be coming right back home to you.”

Text in bold indicates Harry’s texts and text in italics indicates (y/n)’s texts.


I’m out with my Mum but I’ll be home in an hour?

Sounds good x

I just got home and rang you five times but I’ve just realised that it’s 3am where you are. Hope you’re having sweet dreams about your fabulous girlfriend xx


“God I love my wife ‘n everything but I am so glad for a day in the studio.” Harry laughed when his friend walked through the doors of the small studio, looking as sleep deprived as any other father of two.

“The joys of marriage, eh?”

“She’s been moody with me all week,‘s not my fault I didn’t hear the baby crying when it was my turn to get up with her!” He scoffed, throwing his jacket on the rack in the corner. “Appreciate these kid-free years you have with your missus, the most action I get these days is seeing her pump milk because apparently not even my magic touch will make her boobs feel better.”

“You’re gross.” Harry grimaced, looking up from where he was strumming lightly on his guitar. “Are we going to write some music today or just talk about how hard your life is because you’re not getting any action these days?”

“Fuck off.” He laughed. “Just because you have an active sex life.”

Harry laughed along but felt his heart twist when he realised he hadn’t even spoken to his girlfriend in three days now, let alone be intimate with her. It wasn’t by fault of either of them that their relationship was on hold right now and there was nothing they could do about their demanding jobs but he wishes he was able to go home in the evenings and have his girl waiting for him, enjoying their ‘kid-free years’ as he had been advised to. She wasn’t bitter about it, she was more than understanding, as was he about her schedule- they just needed to work on making their relationship a priority over their careers.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of his mind, he decided to get to work instead to take his mind off it all.

By the end of his day in the studio, Harry felt slightly better when he realised he had got all his feelings out in the form of a song. It was a song personal to his current situation but he knew the other three boys would definitely be able to relate.

“I better get going, promised the wife I would do dinner tonight.” His friend announced once they decided they were happy with how the demo of the song was sounding.

“That’s no problem, I’ll lock up here.” Harry nodded with a smile.

“See you tomorrow!” He called on his way out, his headlights illuminating the room through the window moments later, before they began to gradually get further away to the point where they could no longer be seen.

After a while of tweaking the song slightly, he looked at the clock and calculated in his head what time in would be back home.

Can you talk? x

I can talk quietly, I have a sleeping cat on my lap x

He smiled, happy that they finally had a free moment together and wasted no time in clicking the face time icon in the corner of the screen.

“Hey stranger.” Her tired smile greeted him after two rings.

“I’ve missed you.” He smiled, head resting on his arm which was propped up on the guitar on his knee.

“I know, it’s been ages since we talked.” She yawned. “Someone fell asleep the other night after telling me he would be waiting for my call.” Her teasing smile made him laugh quietly.

“You know what I’m like; wide awake one minute and dead to the world the next.”

“True.” She giggled.

He knew it was nearing the early hours of the morning where she was but the conversation flowed so freely, talking about anything and everything, that he figured she needed this call just as much as he did and so tried not to think of the time difference as they talked for what must have been almost an hour

“I was in the studio today.” He announced. “Well, I still am.” He flipped the camera round to show her that he was indeed still in the studio. She giggled when he waved through the mirror.

“Productive day?” She asked.

“Very productive.” He nodded once the camera had flipped back round to face him. “Got a song written.”

“That was very productive.” She looked impressed. “Dare I ask what it’s about or is it a one direction exclusive top secret?”

“Well, it is about you… I think.” He smiled sheepishly.

“You think?” She laughed.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I didn’t really have you, or us, in mind when I was writing it but I realised when I heard it back that it was the perfect song for us.”

“Can’t wait to hear it then.” She smiled, yawning again.

“You can hear it now, I just haven’t quite figured the exact tune out but I have a rough idea.”

“Really?” Her eyes lit up, excited at the idea of Harry singing a song which he thinks is about her to her for the first time.

“As long as you promise to keep it between us.”

“Pinky promise.” She held her pinky finger up to the screen and he laughed before clearing his throat and setting his phone up in front of him.

“If I could fly.” His deep, raspy singing voice sounded more perfect than she remembered and it filled her heart with contentment at the familiar sound. “I’d be coming right back home to you.” She smiled when she realised how the song fit perfectly in describing them.

Halfway through, she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer and her phone slipped gently from her hand, the view on the screen now just the dark ceiling of their bedroom. Harry’s focus was completely on the song so he didn’t notice the movement until he had finished and looked to his phone to see what she thought.

He smiled when he realised he had sung her to sleep and simply cut off the call, sending her a text right after.

Sweet dreams, love. Wish I was there with you xx

If only I could fly.. xx

Thoughts on the Dear Evan Hansen b**t

I finished Act I yesterday so it might be a little rusty, but I just finished Act II, so here goes Act I:

First off: BEN PLATT.  HOLY SHIT BEN PLATT.  This man is freaking amazing.  Give him the Tony.  The range of emotions he goes through, especially at the end…my gods, what a talented man.

“Anybody Have a Map?” is fantastic.  The harmonies.  THE HARMONIES.

“Waving Through a Window” is fabulous.  I relate to it.  That’s really all I have to say on it.

I wish Connor wasn’t such a plot device.  I also wish that the five minutes he’s on stage alive he wasn’t so awful.  But that’s probably a part of many underlying mental health issues.  When he tells Evan “You’re the fucking freak” it seems to me that HE’S the one who feels like a “freak” and is trying to pin it on someone else.

The.  Insanely.  Cool. Jared.  Kleinman.  Favorite character.  FAVORITE.

I think Alana might not have the best social skills.  The story she tells Evan about her grandmother dying isn’t exactly something you tell someone you don’t know very well on the first day of school.  I do like that, though.  Adds a little more to her character.

Evan’s letter to himself HURTS.  The way he wonders what would happen if he disappeared HURTS.  This poor guy…

I honestly don’t really get why Connor gets so mad at the mention of Zoe in the letter.  It’s not like he’s some protective older brother at this point.  Maybe it’s just that he resents her or something.  I don’t know.

Can we just appreciate Jennifer Laura Thompson’s Cynthia?  She is very good at looking miserable.


Evan saying that Connor came to get him when he broke his arm is heartbreaking.  He just wants to believe that he really fell by accident so badly.

“Sincerely, Me” is one of my favorites on the recording but onstage it is just the best.  Mike Faist’s expressions on “I rub my nipples and start moaning with delight”, “If I stop smoking crack”, and “If I stop smoking pot” are PRICELESS.  Also, how is he making his voice so smooth on the last one?  I want to find out how to do that.

Jared’s interjections into the song are hilarious, and so are Will Roland’s facial expressions.  He doesn’t say “Kinky” after “rough” like he does on the recording but I think this b**t is from a preview.

There’s actually a lot of chemistry between Ben, Mike, and Will.  Such a shame they’re not playing real friends.  

When Zoe arrives home before “Requiem” and Cynthia offers her the emails, she says something like “Just because Connor’s not here pounding on my door screaming that he’s going to kill me for no reason doesn’t mean we’re the fucking Brady Bunch.”  And WHAM.  We are immediately reminded of the real Connor, not the one we just saw.  Kind of shaking.

“Requiem” is also gorgeous.  Laura Dreyfuss’s voice is beautiful.  The song is a great exploration of grief (or rather, non-grief).  Go listen to it.  Also, those harmonies.  Holy shit.

“If I Could Tell Her.”  Ben is adorably awkward.  I want to hug him.  I’m not an Evan/Zoe shipper but everything in this song made me think it was kind of cute.  Also, Laura Dreyfuss is one of the most adorable people on this planet.  Protect her.

“Disappear” has a great message, though I feel that “You Will Be Found” is the better song.  Still, nice to see Connor back (or whatever this version of Connor is–a voice in Evan’s head, I guess).

So Evan apparently knows how to tie a tie?  He doesn’t seem like the type who would.

In “You Will Be Found” Evan has index cards but drops them and only starts the song when he starts improvising.  Interesting.

I’m honestly not sure what the message about social media is here.  What is the point?  Is it good?  Bad?  Both?

On to Act II!

Why isn’t “Sincerely, Me (Reprise)” on the soundtrack?  It’s hilarious!  After the “sucking dick for meth” line the light comes up on Jared and he laughs rather evilly.  I love it.

“Dad, are you torturing him?  Evan, is he torturing you?”  I love Zoe.

Larry turns to Evan and says “Women…”  What year are you in, sir, 1955?

I love how “To Break in a Glove” starts with Evan trying to distract Larry from Zoe’s interruption.  

The idea of Connor never using the glove makes me wonder just how bad his relationship with his parents was, especially how young he probably was when it went downhill.  Then again, maybe he just doesn’t like baseball.

Larry’s philosophy of “do the right thing, even when it’s hard” does not take his son into account and reminds me of Ned Stark.

“Only Us” is okay but a little bland.  There’s nothing very interesting about it.

Jared confirming that he is Jewish (”The liquor cabinet hasn’t been opened since Rosh Hashannah 1997″ or something like it) and his Fiddler on the Roof reference (”People want to talk to you now!  That’s a wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles!”) made me so happy.  He’s a gay Jewish musical theatre geek and you can’t convince me otherwise.  (This might be out of order, I’m not sure.)

Rachel.  Bay.  Jones.  In the scene where the Murphys offer to pay for Evan’s college tuition.  Her mannerisms and facial expressions are just perfect.  Her constant smiling, grimacing, and cringing are fantastic.

“Good for You.”  Oh gods, this song.  It is ELECTRIC.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard a song this passive-aggressive and sarcastic.  Alana’s lines about how she knows what it feels like to be suicidal and Jared’s “Fuck you, Evan, you asshole!” hit the mark, and that trio is fantastic.  And “Stop it, stop it!  Just let me off!”  And when Evan turns around to see them singing into his face. PERFECT.

Connor appearing to Evan after “Good for You” is really interesting.  He confronts Evan as to why he broke his arm–even the voice in Evan’s head is telling him to confront the truth, even if it is also telling him to continue with the lie.  

The “Words Fail” scene.  My gods.  I think Ben Platt is actually crying.  The way Zoe and Cynthia run past him and Larry just gives him a glare before exiting is beautiful–he’s being abandoned by everyone, and somewhat rightfully so.  And the rest of the song.  Now I’m pretty sure he’s crying.

Evan’s “If you knew what I did, you’d hate me” line (or something like it) to Heidi.  Oh my gods.  This guy is a massive liar and I still want to hug him.

“So Big/So Small.”  Give Rachel Bay Jones a Tony nomination.  And maybe a Tony.  The emotion in her voice towards the end is so raw, and how is Ben not sobbing his eyes out?

I like how Evan and Zoe’s relationship is left hanging–we don’t know if they’re still a couple.  It makes sense to me.  While I do think Zoe wants to continue the relationship, I also think she’s a little cautious about it.

Overall, a wonderful show, but not without its problems in the story and character department.  Sorry for the long post!

Work Comes Home - Part 2

Summary: You work for the company that publishes Hamilton: The Revolution. You meet Lin-Manuel at work and who knows what will happen?

Words: 2426

Author’s Note: Thank you to everyone who enjoyed part 1! It’s crazy, I didn’t even think I would need to write a second part, but I’m glad I did. Enjoy! Please let me know of any mistakes or errors, I’m not the best at editing my own work. (I will openly state, I am Canadian so some words may or may not be spelt different from American English. If people are really fussy about it, I can go in and change them but for now just accept the extra ‘U’s and whatever else.)

Disclaimer:  I know the timeline is not at all accurate to when the Hamilton book was actually released and important dates/holidays. But just go with it :) artistic liberties and what not.

Warnings: Some swearing. 


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Nightmares Past The Dream

Nightmares Past the Dream, my Simon Snow Fanfic for the Carry on Fanzine!

Word Count: 1396

Ship: Snowbaz

Summary: The five year reunion of Watford, with awkwardness and reconcilliations all around.

I almost didn’t expect him to show up. Of course, I knew that he was going to. It was his school too, even though he didn’t technically graduate. It wasn’t like I didn’t understand; the Mage betrayed him and tried to kill him. Crowley, him standing up was one of the most noble, wonderful things I had seen in my life. But it had been years since that went down, nearly ten months since I had seen him, leaving me to come to Watford’s five year reunion alone. I immediately noticed Penelope Bunce, with new bright purple hair, and her boyfriend or fiance or whatever. Where there was Penelope, even still, there was bound to be Simon bloody Snow.

I always said he looked fabulous in a grey suit; I was half convinced upon seeing him that he did it just to spite me. He moved a little awkwardly, as if he felt out of place. He didn’t have magic anymore, one of the biggest sacrifices anyone could make. I couldn’t even imagine not being able to feel the thrumming energy around and inside of me anymore, unable to be a part of the life I had been born into. I was already an outcast, because of my… Vampiric tendencies. But Snow? Magic had taken him out of that hellish orphanage and brought him into a world where he was accepted. Now he had none of it and had to be constantly reminded, even by looking at himself in the mirror. Okay, maybe he also had dragon wings and a tail, but I thought they were unique. They were very Snow.

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This became waaaaay longer than I’d originally planned for. And unlike my previous post, it was horribly cliché, full of soap-opera worthy moments, and drama - courtesy of Tony Stark. This sequel to “First Place” was requested by all-nerds-here​ and I hope you’re happy, because I missed my bedtime to finish this. I got completely addicted to the story and ended up getting twice as much as I bargained for. Oh well, c’est la vie: Enjoy my darlings! (Please let the extreme tiredness I will undoubtedly suffer from tomorrow be worth it.) <3


“First Place” (Part 2)

Part 1

The airport was surprisingly busy for so late in the evening. As expected, you had indeed lost your job. Despite the hour long argument you had made to your boss about being an asset to the company, working tirelessly, and having nothing to do romantically with Tony Stark – he had insisted that you clear out your office. So much for making a name for myself, you thought with a surprising amount of amusement.

A woman over the intercom called out your flight number and told you to proceed to the relevant gate. Picking up your hastily packed case, you stood up and began the short walk towards home. Having gotten used to taking the train, boarding a plane now seemed a suddenly daunting prospect. The train. Ah, how fondly you would think back on that.

“I’ve been winning for the last 2 months.”

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The Drunkalypse 5.4 “Sons of the Harpy”

6/10 Angry Drogons

First off, thank you to arrestedwesteros for joining me this week in watching the episode, and putting up with me singing Take My Breath Away during the Stonnis scenes from the episode 3 rerun

That being said, we have pirates, foreign exchange students and general confusion, so let’s do it

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“IN RETROSPECT---” Hannibal 3x03 Again

**Warning: rewatch live-blogging, written with knowledge of the full series

Buttertarts, I feel like I did a Bad Job on the last one of these. I was having SUCH FUN re-recapping 3x01, it was like I was falling in love with this damn show all over again, and then I stumbled. I felt weirdly tied up by what I’d written last time, maybe? But for some reason I’ve got a good feeling about this next one! LET’S DO IT, BETTERLY.

Season 3, Episode 3: “Secondo”

Ok first up though, why is “Secondo” not the name of the second episode? I cannot believe I’ve been being confused by this for nearly a year, god.

Wait hold up once more, is there a fragment of a deleted scene in the Previously On?? Will sitting with Abigail in the chapel chairs saying “There are places within himself that he can’t safely go” — I do not recall that happening! Hah, SPOTTED. Ok I swear I’m starting the actual episode now.

And oh my ever loving fuck, the opening shot is dark red wine plunging into a stupidly ornate glass to the most ominous sound cue known to man, a heavy pour, and then the lens focuses beyond it to reveal the reason why:

This is my favorite thing on the planet.

Hannibal is seriously just sitting there BLINKING MOROSELY. Beautiful.

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Making New Friends

The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer’s Top Tips For Friending

I’ve been asked a bunch of times about how to make friends. A lot of people tend to say “oh, just go and make some new friends” or “just talk to people”. But I think that’s kinda bullshit advice. Making friends isn’t that easy. You can’t just go down to the friend store and pick some up! They’re not always available, and this is a situation where quality is definitely better than quantity.

So, how do you friend?

For a long time your Slightly Aggressive Affirmer was not good at making and keeping good friends. There was some bullying and such. It was a mess.

But now, I’m actually very good at making friends with nice people who are genuine and honestly care about me. Part of it is just experience- go through the same shit enough times and you start to spot the jerks. But a lot of it is also doing and saying the right things so that people want to be your friend.

I don’t do it on purpose, but looking back on where all my closest and most lasting friendships started, I can see patterns. So, below the cut, I’m gonna give a few Top Tips for making awesome friends!

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Real Life Fan Fic

Anon requested -  I was wondering if I could request an imagine where (Y/N) writes fanfic on a blog about the boys and somehow she becomes really close friends with them. She’s closer to Ash than the others and then one day he finds all of the fanfic about him on her laptop and starts to make it come true? (Like what happens in the fanfic he does for her in real life).. All of you are amazing writers btw :))

Thank you :) We love when people love our stuff. I hope you enjoy this one!

I finish typing up my latest of the stories for my tumblr page when my brother pounds on my bedroom door. 

“Dorkweed, you have mail” he slides it under the door. I open the brown envelope to see the lease agreement signed by my cousin Stacy and ready for my own signature. As soon as I mail this off then we will officially be renting a new apartment in LA for the year. Stacy lives in Ohio and can’t wait to get out while I have been living in New York for far too long. I enjoy the bustle of the city but after a while, the rain and snow get to be a bit much on a person’s happiness. We decided last December that we were going to fly out to LA, find a place and we did. We found a place 2 block from the beach that was a little beat up but we got a rent cut if we offered to spruce up the place. I signs the papers, put it in a new envelope and stick a stamp on it. I grab my keys and skip down the stairs.

“I’m going to the post office!” I shout to my mother. 

“Didn’t the mail just come?” She shouts back. 

“Lease papers so I want to send them certified” I answer. 

“Drive safe!” She reminds me as always. I step out into the heat and look around. Our little section of Brooklyn is mostly older couples who have been here for over 60 years and would rather give a limb then move from their apartments. ‘One more month’ I remind myself as I am sucked into another long conversation with Mrs. Johanson. ‘one more month’.


I have the last box in my hands and bring it to my room. That’s it, it’s final, we are all in. I place it on the floor and let out a huge breath. Last month I flew out to interview for a job and found out that I got it the day I flew home. I start next week so I knew I had to write a few stories ahead of time so I had something to post if I was too engrossed learning my new job. The box that I had just placed on the ground happened to be my notebooks that I had filled with stories. I open one and start to write. By the time I finish the story I realize that it had gotten dark out but I hadn’t taken anything out of the boxes piled in my room. I made my way downstairs where I found my cousin sitting on the couch with her laptop open and a video up. 

“I see you got as distracted as me” I joke. 

“I thought about setting up the tv so I could watch Netflix. That was like 2 hours ago” she told me. 

“How about we order some food then set the tv up?” I suggest. “That way we can have something to watch and we can unpack the living room and kitchen.”

“I like that plan.” She picks up her phone and looks for the closest pizza place and orders a plain pie to the house. I get a power strip out and plug in the cable box that the man had installed today, and placed the tv on the stand. Stacy unpacked the xbox and set it up in the tv stand as well as placing all the dvd boxes and game boxes underneath. We connected to the wifi and that was that. The pizza arrived just as we picked a show to watch.


“Okay Y/N so here is the deal. We work with some pretty big name people here and the goal is to keep them as happy as possible. Your job is pretty much to do whatever it is that you are requested by them.” My new boss Jen pauses for a moment and cocks her head to the right a bit. “As long as it’s reasonable. Obviously no killing anyone or anything” she adds an uncomfortable laugh. I wonder if it’s been requested before. I nod my head along as she continues. “Do you have your license?”

“Yes, I don’t own a car though” I tell her. 

“Oh that’s fine. We have a company car that you would be using anyway. I know you aren’t from here so there is a gps in there for if you need to find a place and here is the company card” she hands me a black credit card. “Use this for anything that they request.” 

“Okay” I nod again. 

“Your first clients are a band, I’m sure you have heard of 5 Seconds of Summer.” I feel my heart rate increase and I stare blankly at her for a second.

“Uh yeah, I know them” I try to play cool. I fail horribly but I tried.”

“Well they are due in any minute which means that they will be here in half an hour because stars are never on time” she teases. “You have my number, call if you need anything.” She walks out the door. I grab my phone and dial Stacy. I know she is currently at her first day of work too but this can’t wait. She answers the phone on the second ring.


“My first client is 5SOS, what the fuck do I do?” I whisper almost aggressively into the phone. 

“Oh relax drama queen. Just do your job and be normal. I’m sure you can figure that one out.” 

“Are you kidding me? I spent 2 hours yesterday writing a fanfic about Ashton using his bandanas as a restraint” I reminded her. 

“Stop it. Just act like you aren’t part of the fam and that you just appreciate their music. Don’t mention anything about their fabulous bodies or the way that Ashton’s smile makes you melt and want to…”

“Shit, they’re here bye” I hang up the phone. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to relax. “I got this, it’s all good’ I tell myself as I turn around and there he is, Ashton Fletcher Irwin, inches away from me with his hand stretched out for me to shake. 

“I imagine that you are Y/N” he says to me and I stop myself from drooling. 

“Yes, and I’m here to help you with anything you need” I said as if I rehearsed it. “Apart from murder because apparently that is against company policy” I add in for a humorous effect and it works. Ashton laughs along with me and it is the most amazing sound I have ever heard. Ashton quickly introduces me to the other guys and I shake all of their hands. “I guess I should probably just go out and say it that I do listen to your music and I do find it enjoyable.” 

“Anything else you want to tell us?” Ashton asks with a cocky face and I almost think for a second that he heard Stacy when I called her but I pretend it’s not possible. 

“Um, I like short walks to the couch and Netflix with pizza, my favorite color is teal and If I could get a dog I would name it Steve because really…who names a dog Steve?” I look from face to face and get blank stares until Ashton bursts out in laughter. 

“We may have to keep you around” he tells me.

———- 2 months later ———-

“Y/N?” I hear from my living room. Ashton must have let himself in again because Stacy is out at a training seminar for the next couple of days. Since that first day in the studio whenever I was asked to do something, Ashton asked to join me in my task. I couldn’t exactly say no anyway because it was my instructions to always say yes, unless he was told by someone else no. We traded numbers pretty quickly and I began to get a little weirded out by my own stories because now we were friends. I posted that I wasn’t going to be writing anymore stories on the 5SOS boys because of other circumstances but that my fan fictions that were non-5SOS would continue. That was only yesterday though.

“Bedroom” I shout back and I hear his heavy steps coming my way. 

“I was hoping that we could just hang out here tod” he stops short when he sees me standing in a towel in the middle of my room. 

“Oh no!” I laugh “It’s not what you think.” I open the towel to reveal a new bathing suit that I had been trying on. “I wanted to see if this fit but I was just about to hop in the shower. You got here a little earlier then I thought.”

“Yeah, I’ll just go…uh… wait in the…” he started to stutter. 

“Okay” I laugh. 

“Can I use your computer really quick? I want to look up which movies to watch but I think it’s easier on there then xbox.”

“That’s fine. I’ll be quick.” He walks out of the room and I head to the bathroom. I turn the water on and hop in but as soon as I finish my shaving and shampooing I heard movement in my bedroom again. “What are you doing?” I shout over the water. 

“Power is low” he says but it’s a bit quick. 

“Cord is plugged in under my desk” I dry myself off and change into the clothes that I had brought in with me. When I come out I see that there are candles lit around my room and Ashton is standing in the middle. He clicks the space bar on the computer and music starts. He reaches out his hand for me and I go to him as the lyrics start. My heart beat won’t slow when I notice that everything has turned out exactly as I had written it in the last story I had put him into on my computer. I try to ignore the similarities as he sways us back and forth and sings along to the song. 

“You read my story, this is so embarrassing” I tell him when there is a break in the song. 

“Did it work though?” he asks. He abandoned singing and stopped his movements before gently pushing a piece of hair out of my face. “I was hoping that the story was what you wanted.”

“I’m sorry I’m so weird” I say shyly and look away. 

“I’m not” he answers back. “Please answer me though” he laughs a little. “I feel kinda caught in the open with my pants down.”

“You guys do that all the time anyway” I tease. 

“So you are avoiding it?” he steps back. “I’m sorry, I just assumed….I shouldn’t have, it was just a story.” 

“Wait” I put my hand up and to his shoulder before he gets a step away. “You’re right. I just didn’t want you to see it. I mean, I know fan fiction freaks you guys out or whatever so I told them I was stopping.”

“I’m still wondering if you will like date me or whatever” he rubs the back of his neck. I shake my head yes. 

“I’m trying not to vomit” I say. When I realize the way it came out I shake my head no. “I mean because my heart is racing!” to clarify. He hugs me with his hands around my waist before he leans back out he giggles. 

“I may have read more then this one” he admits. 

“Oh Jesus” I think of 2 weeks ago when I wrote a story that I said that after things got a little hot between us.

“Yeah, I read that one too.” My face turns bright read and he pulls me back into the hug. “I can’t wait to get to that one.”


A Bid For Your Heart (One Shot)

Summary: College AU. Once a year the campus gallery has a fundraiser allowing students to place bids for a blind date with an art student based solely on the work they’ve displayed. Camila spends her last $40 unknowingly bidding on Lauren’s artwork, and she’s determined to make the night worth every last penny. - L

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Kathryn’s favorites

As many of you may know, this past week was Author Appreciation week. If you haven’t already, please take this opportunity to send a note to the MANY talented Captain Swan writers we are blessed to have in our fandom. Have a favorite author or a favorite story? Message that writer and tell them. Let them know you appreciate their tireless work. It only takes a second to brighten somebody’s day. A housekeeping note: there will be NO new Kathryn’s favorites next Sunday due to a  combination of work and personal commitments. But I’ll return the following Sunday (August 2nd) with a brand-new batch of stories to share. 

Happy Reading! 

Previous issues: May 24th , May 31st, June 7th , June 14th , June 21st, June 28th , July 5th , July 12th 

Breathe Deep, Breathe Out, Breathe Slow 
by i-know-how-you-kiss

Official description: Co-stars that hate each other

Rated: Mature       Genre: Modern AU      Chapters: 1/? WIP

This story grabs you from the first word and doesn’t let go. An intriguing premise combined with unbelievably good writing and some top-notch sexual tension is a guaranteed win. I love that Liz chose to place readers in the midst of the chaos, rather than beginning with the traditional boy meets girl plot; adding a sense of intrigue to the story. And Emma, even though a movie star, is still very much Emma. So much so that I could envision her wearing her signature red leather jacket over some red carpet worthy ensemble. But seriously, what makes this story so extraordinarily good is the unbelievably seductive imagery that Liz creates. The attraction between Emma and Killian is palpable. You can almost see their tension boiling over into some seriously hot hate sex at any moment. You need to read this. Immediately. 

Dark Horse by initiala

Official description: Emma moves back to town following the highly-publicized scandal that leaves Killian Jones as the new owner of the Huntsman’s Horn Stables. She’s determined to help pick up the pieces in the wake of the tragedy, even with the eyes of the racing world on Storybrooke Downs–and the eyes of the new trainer on her.

Rated: Explicit     Genre: Modern AU/Fluff/Angst/Romance   Chapters: 16/? WIP

This is such a multi-layered story that it almost defies description. As expected, there is the Emma/Killian romance aspect, but there’s so many other facets to this tale, as well. Amanda has cast a wide range of characters in this sweeping saga; many of whom are shrouded in mystery. Undiscovered tensions are simmering below the surface that as a reader you’re dying to uncover. A lesser author would find all these subplots impossible to maintain; inevitably the reader would become confused. Not the case in this story. Amanda manages to juggle several balls at a time without breaking a sweat. As for the Emma and Killian of it all, sparks fly immediately. We witness their mutual (and unique) ability to get under each other’s skin underlined by snarky; witty dialogue. Both characters have SERIOUS baggage in this tale, but that’s what I loved–that authentic emotions proved more powerful than all the Machiavellian horse racing intrigue. And Liam as Killian’s moral compass? Perfection. 

Love At First Fight by startswithhope

Official description: So, this can absolutely be read as a silly AU one-shot by anyone who feels so inclined. However, readers of 7 minutes, this is actually the story of how Killian and Emma met in that story. I’ve been wanting to write this out after the brief mention I made of it and well, this just happened.

Rated: unrated.    Genre: Modern AU    Chapters: one-shot

This prequel to the tremendously fabulous 7 Minutes, featured in an earlier issue of Kathryn’s favorites is just as delectable as the original story. What it lacks in length, it more than makes up for in charm. Dee humorously incorporates OUAT’s fairy tale mythology into the character’s Halloween costumes. Ruby naturally dresses as Red Riding Hood. And Victor? Do you really have to guess? I love how Emma and Killian’s first meeting…in an Enchanted Forest of sorts… isn’t all hearts and stars, but rather, love at first PUNCH. Yet despite what would seem an inauspicious start to a relationship, there exists an instant attraction. Killian’s his impossibly charming self, while Emma is as prickly as ever. But that combination just works for them. And better yet, Dee makes it work for the story. A bonus, Dee’s subtle allusions to the Snow/Charming relationship weaved a touched of magic into the tale. So, go read this wonderfully fun piece. And after, if you haven’t already, delve into 7 Minutes. I promise you won’t be disappointed. 

Search and Rescue by navykillian

Official description: When Killian Jones, a rescue swimmer for the US Coast Guard, pulled Emma Swan from the unforgiving sea he had no idea she would end up rescuing him right back.

Rated: Mature        Genre: Modern AU    Chapters: 12/? WIP

Full disclosure, I love everything that Haleigh writes. I’m a big fan. She just has this innate ability to translate to page what Captain Swan fans most desperately want to read. I feel like she’s peering into my mind (in a not creepy way, of course). Seriously, who doesn’t wanna fantasize about Killian dressed up in his Coast Guard uniform, the wet suit clinging to his well-toned body, as he saves Emma from drowning? Yeah. Haleigh knows what we like. She has our number. On a more serious note, Haleigh is inordinately skilled at drawing readers into stories and hooking them early on. This tale is no different. She’s created a community surrounding Emma and Killian and has deftly integrated those characters into the tale. But what I love most here, is that Haleigh has constructed such multi-faceted roles. Killian is undeniably charming and we get to experience his cheeky side more than on OUAT, but he does have a past. He has issues but its those issues that make him so well-suited for Emma.  A charmingly, beautiful read. As always. 

so come out of your cave walking on your hands
by bluestoplights

Official description: Post-finale oneshot. Emma has a lot of experience sitting alone in a cell. So, Emma waits.

Rated: Teen & up          Genre: Angst          Chapters: one-shot

This story can be a tough read, I’m not gonna lie. It’s hard to witness the emotional torture that Emma, as the newly appointed Dark One, undergoes. But the writing is so incredible, it’s worth the pain. The Darkness almost becomes a living, breathing entity in this tale. It draws you in–tempts you–and you can understand why Emma may have a difficult time resisting it. Emma is a strong person-she’s the Savior-so the Darkness has to break her down in order to be let in. And that break down is harrowing to see. Sandy’s unbelievable use of imagery really sells the story–it’s downright poetic at times. What I found most fascinating about the tale was the affect the Dark One Curse has on Emma and Killian’s relationship and how Emma’s perception of that further influences her. Throughout this fic, Sandy shows such a clear and complete grasp of Emma’s character. It was such a wonderful experience to focus on Emma’s internal struggle as she’s battling this sort of alien being inside her. A truly magnificent piece.

Three Times Emma Swan Married Killian Jones 
by cutieodonoghue

Official description: “The first time Emma Swan marries Killian Jones, it is spur of the moment. He’d proposed like that, too, yelled that he wanted to marry her in the middle of an argument regarding the latest villain to come to town. She’d yelled back that she wanted to be his wife, and it sort of all just happened.”

Rated: K+        Genre: Romance/family       Chapters: one-shot

This is my pick for feel-good fic of the week. Really, it’s like sunshine in a bottle. Megan has struck the perfect balance between romance and fluff. It’s dreamy, you’ll sigh with delight and find yourself grinning like a fool, but it’s not overly saccharine. Megan writes Emma so unbelievably well that there’s never a point where she’s not the kickass; slightly prickly and cynical Savior we all know and love. Basically, it’s not Invasion of the Bridal Body Snatchers. And the fact that Emma (and Killian) remain in character is why it’s so deeply romantic. Plus, the writing’s simply gorgeous. Megan’s gifted at incorporating vivid imagery so that when Emma and Killian are standing on the beach, you almost feel the sun kiss your face too. I challenge you to read this and not feel instantly happier. 

Snowbarry 03x07

Third season, seventh episode , titled ‘Killer Frost”- what an intense emotional rollercoaster bundled up in fabulous performances and direction of 42 minutes.

I had read a post a few days prior to watching the episode about how it wouldn’t be so catastrophic if Caitlin turns evil (temporarily) because then the team (aka Barry) would realise how much they need her. Let’s face it- Caitlin is ridiculously under-appreciated; not only does she save Barry every single time he needs patching up, she also offers him a depth of emotional understanding that only she can because they both have not only suffered but have been forced to move past the grief brought about by the loss of a loved one.

The writers play fast and loose with the amount of attention they focus on Barry’s interactions with Caitlin- for some reason their scenes are usually cut out, much to my chagrin not only as a Snowbarry shipper but as a person of reasonable faculties. You don’t cut out scenes of Barry comforting Caitlin right after a speedster tricked her and ripped her heart out in the process because why wouldn’t Barry comfort one of the people he cares most about? You don’t cut out the scene where Barry asks the woman who was willing to die at the hands of Captain Cold and Heatwave for you, if she’s okay because why wouldn’t Barry be overly concerned about her well-being after such an ordeal?!

One of the reasons why I enjoyed this episode so much is because we finally get more glimpses into what Caitlin truly means to Barry. We get bits and pieces scattered throughout a season but this episode was a huge blessing in that it perfectly summed up the gist of Barry’s feelings for Caitlin Snow- she is the woman he has grown to respect and admire but he can only do so from afar hence his fierceness to protect her as much as she will allow him to. He loves her but he doesn’t know it yet because he won’t allow himself to look at her in that light. Somehow he feels that if he does love her, it’ll shift things too far out of focus and she will possibly never again allow him close to her emotionally because as this episode proves, Barry can always break the frosty walls she literally and emotionally puts up. She’s only allowed a select few men into her well-guarded world and they have either died or trampled all over her heart- except for Cisco and Barry. She trusts that they’re here to stay and Barry doesn’t change his perception because of it.

This episode reveals that to Barry, Caitlin is one of his best friends, one of his inner circle of loved ones, his Cait and Dr Caitlin Snow, M.D. Let me elaborate:

• Before Henry Allen was released from jail, being a CSI was the only chance that Barry had to prove his father’s innocence. Once that purpose fell away however, the question had to be asked: besides needing to pay the bills, why remain a CSI? Because it became a fundamental part of Barry’s identity. By day forensic scientist, by night the speedster of Central City. As much as Barry loves running at superhuman speed, even he knows there are times when Barry simply needs to be Barry. He needs a chance to kick off the red boots and mask and just be dorky Barry Allen who stumbles over his feet when he talks to a pretty girl. One of the key elements of Barry having some sort of normalcy in his otherwise crazy life is being a CSI- it helps him keep the day-to-day menaces locked up and provides a balance to his existence. He would go crazy all day, agonising about the deaths he thinks he caused and the dangerous metas he has yet to catch if he didn’t have normal people worries to worry about which is what being plain, ol’ Barry entails.

But he gives all of that up. He gives up a job that is not merely a job to him but a passion and another way of helping people (which loveable Barry wants to do above all else) - all to protect Caitlin. Sure, one aspect of the reason why he does so is because he feels guilty for putting Caitlin in this awful position in the first place and he must do everything he can to fix it for her. The main reason however is because Caitlin means more to him than a job title. He wants to assure her that she can count on him, like she’s done before, like he always counts on her. He needs her as a pillar of support and she needs to know that Barry wants to be that for her too. So he promises to take care of her, to make sure the backlash of the mess he caused doesn’t damage their relationship any further. And she is worth it- worth all the sacrifices and he knows it.

• Throughout the episode, Barry never once falters in his belief in Caitlin’s innate goodness as a person. He knows he messed up the timeline and that is why Killer Frost is acting out but never once does he stop and become frustrated or blames Caitlin for not fighting her transformation into Killer Frost hard enough. Julian was the picture of frustration because the generalisation of all metas being bad has hardened like cataracts in his eyes. Joe was agitated because of his fear that what was happening to Caitlin could be foreshadowing what Wally’s future held and his parental fear was totally understandable.

I would have given Cisco and Barry the benefit of the doubt if they had gotten a little frustrated with or had even given up on Caitlin at one point. We’re all fallible and a stumble in faith happens to the best of us- as long as they got back on the Caitlin-bandwagon, I would have forgiven them. But they are worth much more than the credit given to them. Team Flash began with the three of them (not counting the original Wells cos he was a traitor and in some other timeline, he still is) and their friendship took a beating in this episode (understatement). If the foundations of their friendship were not strong, all three of them could have merely given up on the other and scattered away to live normal, drama-free lives away from each other. Kudos to the original Team Flash for being so amazingly loyal. As Barry said, they are his best friends and best friends help each other out, especially in the stickiest of situations- and what could be stickier than one of your best friends screwing up the other best friends’ lives?

Barry consistently wants to help Caitlin, constantly reassuring her that she is not alone and doesn’t need to be- he’s telling her that she is not sitting on the side lines of his life but as one of his best friends, she is right there in the centre of his life. He never gave up on her and he doesn’t intend to- she was his first priority in the middle of the Savitar/Dr Alchemy mayhem and my Snowbarry heart melted at the thought…and so did Caitlin’s!

• Every single time Barry called her ‘Cait’ or Caitlin uttered ‘Barry’, I squealed because somehow in those mere syllables, these two managed to entwine a depth of unspoken sentiment and belief. They were saying two words in total, one word respectively and yet an entire meaningful conversation passed in that heartbeat. She’s his Cait- this means much more than a nickname to him now. He knows her on a level far deeper than most because she let him- she allowed him in because she trusts him too. He knows that no matter what Earth they may be on, he can count on her to be by his side, helping him and protecting him. She’ll call him out on his bullshit and worry and fuss about his limitations but she will always do so because she cares about him- Barry Allen and not the Flash. This is why he can melt and break through her walls- he has experience in doing so and more importantly, he wants to. She would the same for him and she puts her faith in him and Barry rewards that faith by protecting her from her demons, believing in the best parts of her when everything goes dark and promising her that he’ll make it all okay when everything seems dismal.

Caitlin will always need Barry as much as he needs her- the way she fell into his arms after dropping the icicle and overcoming the Killer Frost transformation is significant- he was there for her, he didn’t break her once more or abandon her . Barry stayed to fix her- fix what she thought was irreparably broken and because of him she can go on; because of his faith, support and presence she can overcome Killer Frost- “I got you”

This is one of my favourite facets of their relationship- how they can rely on each other, how they’re both stubborn as hell and head butt over issues all the time but when one needs the other, there’s no wavering, no hesitation and no doubt. It’s not only heart-warming but inspiring because the very best of relationships need such belief and trust to endure.

• Of course, Barry needs his Dr Snow to help him save the day because she is the heart of the team and he wouldn’t be able to do half the things he does as The Flash without her expertise and intelligence. This reaffirms everything I’ve said above- simply, just as much as Barry needs Caitlin, The Flash needs Dr Snow M.D.

It’s okay if Snowbarry remains in the place where it is now because it’s a darn good place even if the writers sometimes don’t do justice to their relationship. However, this doesn’t mean that Caitlin doesn’t have the potential to be or their relationship doesn’t have the elements to be OTP. It simply means that on Earth 1, the circumstances didn’t permit it so.

I shall comfort myself with the thought that somewhere out in the multiverse, Barry is running amok with little Snowbarry babies in the Snow-Allen household while Caitlin sings “Summer Lovin’” (off-key, of course).

Musings on Madam Secretary 2.12

Did you hear that sound? Did you feel those gale force winds? That was the entire Madam Secretary fandom exhaling the breath we’ve been holding for months. “The Middle Way” was a welcome reprieve from Russia, spies and the Elizabeth/Henry angst. It felt like an old friend who came back from vacation. A cozy blanket after you’ve been soaked in frigid rain. Your childhood home on Christmas morning. Familiar. Comforting. This was a pure standalone episode. A palate cleanser. It referenced nothing that has happened over the last 11 episodes and didn’t offer any foreshadowing. Admittedly, I have slight whiplash from how fast the show’s tone changed and how we’ve virtually skipped over the effects from the first half of the season, but I’m choosing to ignore this and am enjoying the heck out of it. I saw more smiles in 3 minutes than I have in the last 3 episodes. I’ll take a little light and fluffy.

The State Department scenes exuded Season 1 vibes. Elizabeth’s team, minus an absent Jay, was back to solving the world’s problems, collaborating with their personal quirky offerings. Each assumed the role they masterfully play in the State Department orchestra. Although I appreciate every character, this week’s shining stars were Blake and Nadine. ABOUT TIME. I know parents aren’t supposed to have favorite children, but if I had to pick from the State Department kids, they’d be mine.

Son, dance troupe, law school. Nadine dropped 3 truth bombs in 3 seconds. Who is this woman? Witness Protection protégé? Little nuggets like this just feed my desire to learn more about her story. Also, more Bebe. Because Bebe. Nadine’s relationship with her son was heartbreaking, but ended on a hopeful note. I’d like to see him again, or at least see him have a relationship with Nadine. The woman deserves some happiness. I mean, she put up with that dog Marsh for how long? Glenn, go get your woman.

All those in favor of Elizabeth and Nadine grabbing drinks, say “aye.” AYE!! Tequila shots, a dive bar and stories. Make it happen. Both are peacekeepers by profession with slightly messy personal lives. Both have the same hopeful spirit, despite all they see, and remain optimistic for the future. They can bond as women, as mothers, as public servants. Just do it.

Blake was perfect just being Blake. His use of “boom” was as awkward as when old people dance at wedding receptions to songs like “Baby Got Back.” (You’re welcome for that visual.) Always the dutiful and committed servant, Blake played a fabulous wingman to Henry at brunch. Speaking of those two, Henry and Blake need more bro bonding. They’re so different, but have a strong common denominator: their love for Elizabeth. It’s like Amy and Tina. OK, it’s not at all like them, but Henry and Blake play off of each other very well.

As if the Blake and Nadine storylines couldn’t get any better, James Taylor was thrown in. Talk about a trifecta of awesome. Such a poignant scene, played so well by two acclaimed Broadway veterans. More, please.

Fed up, snarky, exasperated, sarcastic Elizabeth remains my favorite. She didn’t travel halfway around the world to deal with Ambassador Maxwell’s antics, as her beating on his jail cell proved. I love little moments like then when her humanity overshadows her diplomacy. “You think I haven’t taken a yoga class? I know you can hear me.” Sir, she has no time for you or your political stunting.

Myanmar did offer some sweet scenes between the Merry McCords. “You just want me to reach into my grab bag of religious quotes?” “Why not? You do it all the time. It’s adorable.” I melt. Damn you, writers. As if that didn’t get me, Elizabeth’s little air kiss after telling Henry she loved him before hanging up swooned my swooney self right off the ground. Again, I’m side-eyeing the fact that everything is just perfect and back to normal after 11 weeks of upset and angst, but I’m taking this episode for what it is: a standalone. An adorably sweet standalone.

Henry defending Elizabeth’s honor to anyone will never not be hot. He’s always believed in her career and her principles, and has never strayed far from that, even during the Russia situation, but it was still nice to see him say the words. Sorrynotsorry, Ted.

Speaking of Ted: “Mister McCord.” “Doctor. It’s Doctor McCord.” The ground shook when Elizabeth dropped that mic.

Despite my desire for more resolution, it was good to see the McCords back in action, working towards a common goal, united, conspiring and scheming together. At Henry’s suggestion, she even pulled a Russell and called up Conrad to get her way. The kisses. The nose boop. The genuine smiles. It was like someone opened the window on a spring day and let the fresh breeze in, washing out the winter air. I’m assuming the emotional turmoil will return next episode and the fallout from Henry’s year combined with his father’s death will weigh heavily on him and the entire family. For now, however, I’m taking the bait and am happily swimming in the sea of McCord tranquility.

Other things:

–The kids not flinching when Elizabeth left for Myanmar was such a real family moment. To the world, she’s Secretary of State. Inside that house, she’s just mom.

–I will never tire of hearing Elizabeth/Téa say “seriously.” No idea why I like it so much. I just do. I’d make it my text alert if I could. Seriously.

–“You’re a Buddhist.” “More like a suck-it-up-ist.” I don’t see many opportunities to use this phrase in my life, but I plan to find one.

–The Merry McCords is a sitcom I’d DVR, buy the DVD to, read fanfic about and blog on tumblr for.

–So. Does Henry play the guitar? I had to rewind when I spotted it sitting next to him on the bedroom floor. I’m a sucker for a guy who plays the guitar. SUCKER. Henry McCord playing John Mayer on a guitar would probably make me explode into a ball of hearts.

I’m so ready for Pittsburgh! Is that rude to say considering there’s a death? Either way, I’ve been dying (poor choice of words) to learn more about the extended family dynamic and see a few McCord-centric episodes.

Thoughts? I need to get better about responding to comments. I wish I could do it without re-blogging my entire post. BRING BACK COMMENTS, TUMBLR.


What’s the Phracking Deal?

(Spoiler Alert!! for those who have not seen S3E2, Murder and The Maiden. I don’t know how to hide the texts, so please stop reading now if you wish to remain unbiased when you finally get the chance to watch this episode, and please accept my sincere apologies for being so technically inept.)


Before S3 started, I made a conscious decision not to blog about it until after I have seen all 8 episodes. That’s what I did with the previous two seasons, and I think it served me quite well as it gave me a better perspective on the plot progression and character development. The excitement I felt after S3E1 almost made me break my promise to myself, but I persevered (aside from leaving notes on other people’s blogs and posting a couple of random thoughts). Week 2, however, proved to be very challenging, so here I am.

Firstly, I want to make it clear that there are many great things in this episode; Hugh and Dot’s regression and progression, Bert’s Russian sweetheart, Miss Fisher flying the airplane North by Northwest style, Jack trespassing and then pointing the gun at multiple armed guards while ordering Hugh to take the illegally collected evidence and get in the car (my favorite moment of the episode, by the way), Jack stripping off his hat and overcoat and riding the motorbike, etc. The story of the murder victim who loved flying so much that she assumed the identity of a man and joined the Air Force but ended up being murdered due to misunderstanding and misconception was tragic yet inspirational. I enjoyed all of the above (plus the stunning costume and scenery, as per usual), but there was something that didn’t sit right with me, something that kept me awake at night thinking and trying to make sense. I am talking about the dynamic of Phrack.

I really wanted to name this posting “What’s the Phracking Lyle” (see how I tried to work in Compton’s name there?), but I decided not to bring a third party into this discussion as it should be between Miss Fisher and Jack only. (Besides, I thought it was quite clever until I wrote it down and found it confusing, so…) Anyway, unlike some of you, who are encouraged by Miss Fisher’s “unsung hero” speech at the end of the episode, I feel confused and unsettled, not sure how they ended up there and where they are heading.

In last week’s episode, I was excited to see Jack finally sharing his biggest fear with Miss Fisher (granted it was under the influence of alcohol and tonic). I applauded his honesty about his feelings toward her parade of men, which clearly had been bothering him the last two seasons even though he seldom let on (bless his heart). We loved the fact that he appreciated and respected her intelligence and free spirit, and he made it clear to her after Blood at the Wheel that he had no intention to change who she was. The million dollar question is, Who was she?

I guess the more accurate question is what exactly “free spirit” represented in the world of Miss Fisher. We all agree that she was independent and self reliant; she pursued her passion of being a lady detective to unearth the truth and fight for justice with incredible focus and determination. She defied social norms at the time and proved that as a woman she could do anything men could do, and in many cases doing it faster and better. Yes, she did operate in the gray area of law and order (illegal trespassing, withholding evidence, and driving recklessly, to name a few), but when it counted, she stood firmly on the right side. Meanwhile, she maintained her femininity by dressing fabulously.

Wait a minute, you might ask, what about her sexuality? She did famously state that “There is no shame attached to indulging in the sensual pleasure of life”, which was so James Bond before James Bond. This is where I started to feel confused. Exactly how was that related to her free spirit? In my opinion, one doesn’t necessarily follow the other (sort of quoting Jack here). Miss Fisher was free to do what she pleased, but it was not acceptable for Jack to show signs of jealousy? I thought that was the double standard that she was trying hard to rid of; was it not?

I completely agree with her statement if one is single and unattached, which in my opinion was Miss Fisher’s status in S1 and S2. Therefore, I have no problem with her bedding the extra on the film set even though many people felt that she betrayed Jack by doing so (at least being insensitive), especially after he just confessed his feelings toward her, and they finally worked through the rough patch and agreed on taking things slow and close. My take was that there was no clear commitment at that time, so she was indeed free to do as she pleased.

In S3, however, things had changed drastically. We saw Miss Fisher eagerly prepared for their romantic dinner date and hoped to create their own “magic”. Jack even got a new tie for the occasion and nervously checked his appearance in front of his office’s glass door. Even though the date never occurred due to unforeseen circumstances, the commitment to make it happen eventually was there, from both sides. Therefore, in my opinion, it was totally logical for Jack to express his jealousy in this episode when he sensed another man had just joined (or in this case, rejoined) the parade. Let’s be honest, Miss Fisher hadn’t shown a good track record when it came to men to boost anyone’s trust, so when she said “an old friend”, Jack (and us) knew exactly it was “like that”. Besides, admit it, in the real world, if a man doesn’t show any sign of jealousy in this situation, his girlfriend (or potential love interest) would suspect that he doesn’t care enough about her or about their budding relationship. I am not too far off, am I?

So, what did Miss Fisher do? Instead of sitting Jack down and reassuring him that he had no reason to be jealous of Compton, she got defensive and told him that she didn’t dance to anyone’s tune. If this was true, am I wrong to interpret what happened next (the kissing in the hanger and the “reminiscing”) as “her own tune”? In this case, it was even more alarming to me where their relationship might be heading.

Why? Well, it seemed to me that either she was using sex as a tool to define her sense of freedom, or she simply couldn’t control her sexual urge even though she knew by doing so, she was hurting the man she cared about deeply. Evidently, she was well aware of the hurt she was causing, judging by the scene of “Jack…wait!” (Really, if that thought didn’t enter her mind, I might as well stop writing now and never watch MFMM again.) If the answer was the former, she really needed to find a way to get over the harm caused by Rene; otherwise, she would never be able to have a healthy relationship with Jack, or anyone else. If it was the latter, I fear that she might be suffering from sex addiction as she surrendered to her urge so easily. I also entertained a third possibility, which was she might not be addicted to sex, but she simply had a casual attitude toward the sensual pleasure. This turned out to be the point of Jack’s “liberal-minded man” speech, and he made it very clear that he could never become one.

If Jack was certain he could never become a liberal-minded man, why did he appear to have forgiven her behaviors so easily at the end? The symbolic meaning of the eyes skyward was not lost on any of us. Just like that; Jealous Jack no more? Her “unsung hero” speech magically made all the hurt disappear without being addressed? After all they had gone through in S1 and S2, she just now realized Jack was the only man she could trust? If Compton didn’t turn out to be such an arse, would she have delivered that speech anyway?

So, there you have it; the reasons why I felt confused and unsettled. The posting is way too long, I know, but at least I got the thoughts out of my head now, so hopefully I will be able to sleep better tonight…

p.s. I am still very much looking forward to the rest of the season. As a matter of fact, this made me more anxiously anticipate what’s coming up next week, with Jack’s own “old friend”. I love Phrack, and I really hope they will eventually work things out. I just wish that the journey would not be so damn hard!

(Posted 17-May-2015)

The New Girl [4/4]

This is it! The final chapter is here and it is fabulous, at least in my eyes. Have you read the entire series? If not, catch up before continuing. Here goes nothing, the very end of The New Girl. Fiction. Count: 2296



“I have no idea what to wear!” Hannah yelled to herself as she threw yet another top from her closet. Saturday morning had crept up sooner than she’d expected, causing her anxiety to finally override the excitement. “How do I have so many clothes, but nothing to wear?!” She threw a stray shoe over her shoulder, barely missing the woman standing just through her door.

“If you hit my face with a shoe,” Mamrie stated in her Southern twang, “You’re gonna have some bills to pay.”

Hannah nearly bumped her head at the loud voice, not expecting Mamrie to still be home. “Don’t you have work today?”

“I do,” The redhead stated, sauntering towards the closet and shuffling through the few items still hanging neatly. “But I have a few minutes before I need to be out of here and I thought I’d come check on you.”

Hannah stepped back, knowing it was no use arguing with her cousin when it came to clothes. Besides, she figured she was so nervous she could manage to walk out of the house without pants on if she kept freaking out.

Keep reading

Musings on Madam Secretary 2.16

HISH-ree-ah. HISH-ree-ah. HISH-ree-ah. If anything comes from this episode, it’s that I now know how to pronounce “Hijriyyah.” I’ve spent weeks wondering how you say that damn word.

We begin with the latest news brief from CNN, or what feels like it. The center of this week’s always-timely Madam Secretary is a rescued boat full of refugees. Watching Elizabeth, Conrad and Russell discuss what to do with the 200+ people who were willing to risk their lives for the remote hope of simple securities in a foreign land was like watching a presidential debate. Do we keep them? Do we send them back? What if they’re terrorists? Is it worth the risk? Granted, this incident had special circumstances because of Moussa al-Mukhtar’s claim to know where Jibral Disah is, but in general, this is a debate many countries are being faced with. Throughout the episode, Elizabeth dropped several truth bombs, including the extensively exhaustive asylum vetting process, the fact that only a minute fraction of refugees admitted to the U.S. have ever been arrested on terrorism charges and that the dirty bomb from 2.14 was perpetrated by an American-born citizen. She also brought up the plaque on the Statue of Liberty (give me your tired, your poor, etc…) and basically shut down any argument with “These people matter and they’re not going back.” BOOM. That’s my Elizabeth! Yes, I’m an unapologetic social liberal.

This situation leads to quite a first day on the job for Henry. Can we talk about how I cheered in a room by myself when he walked into “Murphy Station” and I saw not only Jill Hennessy but Molly Price, as well? Talk about a room of badass chicks. Of course like everything else, my excitement was literally blown up about 10 minutes later, but what a glorious 10 minutes that was. Henry, tasked with finding Disah, spent most of the episode trying to determine if al-Mukhtar is a true informant, a jihadist or is merely trying to buy more time. With his background, it makes sense that Henry should be in that position, but the jury’s still out about how I feel regarding this career change. There’s something slightly off about it. When Jose said, “We do our job right and a whole bunch of men are gonna die” and Henry responded with “All in a day’s work,” I wasn’t buying it. The religious scholar and ethics professor can’t simply shake off the death of anyone at his hands, despite their potentially violent intent. Russia proved that. He takes everything to heart, failing to separate his personal feelings from the professional lines that need to be drawn. I’m not saying this is a bad thing. It actually makes me appreciate his character. However, it’s setting up more mental ping-pong for a dude who has yet to deal with repercussions of his former job. Or radiation poisoning. Or his father’s death. You get the point.

Further proving that point, when Mimi met an untimely yet predictable death (why can’t we have nice things?), Henry took it to heart. Who wouldn’t, honestly? Before flying over for the interrogation, Mimi personally asked Henry how confident he was in his assessment that al-Mukhtar wasn’t radical. Jose even chimed in with “You better be right, professor.” Of course he wasn’t and Molly Price is off to guest star fabulously on yet another TV show while Henry beats himself up. He obsesses about what happened so much, even Elizabeth tried to reason with him. I counted at least 3 “babes” that came out of her mouth, and we all know that word is only used when she’s desperately trying to connect with or reassure him. Like with Russia and Dmitri and Ivan, Henry is internalizing his guilt, even keeping Elizabeth at an arm’s length. She could be an invaluable resource for him emotionally not only as a wife, but as a former CIA operative. She knows how he’s feeling, relates to why he’s obsessing and understands the toll it takes on a person. They briefly hit upon it while snuggling in the windowsill during “Catch and Release,” but he’s still not fully opening up. She even tried to take him to bed (FOLLOW HER, HENRY!! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU??) and instead was left to watch her love beat himself up by looping a traumatic video countless more times. Even though they can finally talk about their work with each other, they’re not truly communicating about it and the ramifications. They’re close, but there’s still distance between them. Can I just get a Henry breakdown before the end of the season? And Elizabeth joins in? And they just sob themselves stupid about all they’ve encountered and lost? Is this too much to ask? *taps mic* Is this thing on?

Of course the dynamic duo working together does provide some aww-worthy opportunities. Whether in the Murphy Station or the Situation Room (still odd to see Henry in there, by the way), the two gravitate towards each other like magnets. Yes, I realize a lot of it has to do with camera blocking, but let me have my fun. Elizabeth sweetly touched Henry’s elbow before she left the room. They grasped each other’s hands while watching the live stream of Mimi. Little touches that almost appear automatic, grounding each other, reassuring each other. It’ll be interesting to see how Elizabeth reacts to Henry heading overseas… because we all know a McCord getting a stamp in their passport is never a good thing.

The McCord kids had some play this week, mainly Stevie and her quest for love. Admittedly, as long as Stevie isn’t causing issues for her parents, I’m fairly ambivalent about her dating life. However, even Jareth and his British accent won me over…. despite his name. (Apologies if you or someone you love is named “Jareth.”) With this guy, Stevie is proving true the stereotype that people date someone who reminds them of their father. Jareth gives off serious Henry feels. He knew how to prod and lead Stevie about what was bothering her without pushing too hard, much like Henry does when Elizabeth is upset. He was gentle and comforting and didn’t run when their relationship got a bit messy. He even made her laugh when she was crying and promised a brighter tomorrow. If that isn’t the swoon-worthy Dr. McCord at play, I don’t know what is. My only criticism of Jareth is that he didn’t realize Henry and the kids were at the conference during the bombing. That would’ve been front-page, lead team coverage, top of twitter, trending on Facebook news. He just…. didn’t know? I’m not buying it, but I also don’t care enough to focus on it. As for Alison and Jason, there’s something bugging me about them. Alison seemed uber stressed, more than even a perfectionist student should be for midterms. Jason continues to be a bit on the angry/hostile side. I think the entire townhouse needs to burn some sage.

Even as the world is literally blowing up around them, Elizabeth and Henry prove that first and foremost, they’re parents. While watching an extremely tense operation go down live halfway around the world, Elizabeth asked, “Did you remember that Jareth dinner tonight?” to which Henry replied, “That was tonight?” Just another example of how two people are trying to make it work, despite their stressful, high-profile jobs.

Can we have a moment of appreciation for the perfection of Elizabeth McCord in the kitchen? Perhaps I’m overly invested in the constant nod to her lack of cooking skills because I’m a disaster in that room myself. The way she smashes eggs? Me. Dropping stuff all over, creating a bigger mess than what’s needed? Me. Tossing food on a plate and not giving a crap about presentation? Me. It was like looking in a mirror, so much so, a friend (you know who you are) even texted me: “Elizabeth was all you in the first shot.” My lack of skills are that notorious. “Should I cook? Of course not. What should we order?” I’ve personally had that little one-woman conversation countless times. If someone dies or is in the hospital and needs meals, I’m the person who donates money instead of food. My approach is that if you already feel like death, my cooking doesn’t need to push you over the edge into the abyss. You’ve suffered enough already. However, in Elizabeth’s world, she’s making an effort as a wife and mother. “Make sure your father finishes his breakfast.” I adore her for it.

“Is it still our sacred duty to protect the American way of life or am I missing something?” Russell, I’ve never liked you more… except when you opened up about PTSD in the McCord kitchen.

Senator Morejon: “I’m guessing you know the answer to that.”
Elizabeth: “Of course I do. I’m the Secretary of State.”

Elizabeth: “Hell, your boat made it here. What do you care, right?”

All the bloops in Bloopville at those two exchanges. Elizabeth single-handedly took down the senator much like she did the governor of Texas last season: slyly, expertly, peacefully. She even ended their exchange with “You have a great day,” which I like to think is Elizabeth speak for “Eff off, jackass. We all know who just won this.”

Other things:

–Elizabeth’s British accent. It was so bad, it was good. Add that to Elizabeth’s face when Stevie asks if Henry is coming to dinner, the way she closes the wine refrigerator and how she mouths “He’s hot” to Stevie. Téa’s slight comedic touches during drama bring such realism to the show and her character.

–I laughed at Jane’s and Henry’s faces when he snarked about not having to take orders from her anymore. Slight smirks and knowing grins. It felt like a Tim and Jill moment, rather than Jane and Henry.

–“So code names, not your gift.” – Henry

–“It’s press conference o’clock.” I’m stealing this and using it at work. Thanks, Blake.

–The coloring of Stevie’s shots on campus seemed blue-ish. I understand this show has a major love affair with that color, but the poor girl looked frostbitten or on the verge of death. Or maybe my TV coloring needs adjusting.

–Was there a kiss cut out or am I just desperately making this up? I’m talking about when Elizabeth and Henry were in the kitchen after they discussed dinner with Stevie and Jareth. I swear they were leaning in and it cut away to the next scene. Now I spend my entire day rationing every second with reporters and editors, so I understand how critical every single one can be. But don’t cut a kiss! Cut out…. anything else. I’m sure Conrad sighed and looked quizzically off into space at some point. Cut that instead.

Fic: 20 Things Blaine Wants To Do With Kurt (4)

Summary: Because ‘The 20 Things Blaine Anderson Wants to Do With Kurt Hummel Before Kurt Leaves Blaine At McKinley to Deal With All of The Ridiculous Things That Happen During Glee and at McKinley For 365 Days Before He Can Join Kurt In New York and Start Their Fabulous Life Together’ was too long of a title for a list, according to Kurt.

A/N: This is fluff.  Summer before Kurt moves to NY fluff. 

[Read on AO3]

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3

4. Get Over Fear of Using Skype

“I still can’t believe this has to be on the list.”

“It’s weird, Kurt! And I do want to get over it, I do, but… it’s just weird.”

Kurt just tilted his head and stared at Blaine, who was draped across his bed with his face shoved in a pillow. Finn and Puck and a few of the other guys from the football team had taken over the Hummel-Hudson residence in day long Call of Duty ‘fiesta of pain’, as Puck referred to it, so they were holed up at the Andersons. Blaine’s parents were both at work so they had the house all to themselves. It was nice to have the privacy, and perfect for the sort of practice they were going to do. “Don’t be such a luddite,” he sighed. “Besides, I would think you’d be eager to see my face during the, and I quote, ‘365 days before you can join me in New York and start our fabulous life together’.”

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