let those words wash over you for a minute

Calvin X Reader - Happy Accidents - Chapter 1

A/N Requested by anon. Sorry this is a day late, and kinda sucks. There were a few spots that I just couldn’t put into words without it sounding funny. I hope this is okay though. If you have any requests don’t hesitate to send them my way!

“Sorry for no game play today, guys. I just got home from running a bunch of errands and I’m too tired to play anything, so hopefully just my face will do,” you explained, smiling into the camera and watching as the chat filled with people assuring you it was alright, and hoping you got your rest.

Though you only had a small YouTube following, and an even smaller following that watched your streams, you appreciated everyone that watched your content as they all seemed to really care about you, and lately the amount of people who did just this had been growing intensely.

You had been planning this stream for a few days now, and since you announced it everyone had been excited, asking about the famous YouTuber ‘Leafyishere’ seeing as you had made a video on him recently talking about his content and joking on him periodically throughout the video. Though you had done this to many other YouTubers before, never had one responded to a video of yours, and since that’s just what Leafy had done people were excited for you to talk about the entire experience.

Reading a few of the messages in the chat, you giggled, saying hello to people who asked, and answering commonly asked questions that usually revolved around personal information you didn’t care to share.

Not 5 minutes into the chat and you got the question you knew was coming.

“How does it feel to be acknowledged by Leafyishere?” a comment read, coming from an anonymous commenter.

You thought about the question after you had read it aloud, not having seriously thought about the whole experience as you didn’t see it how others did.

Not an hour after you uploaded that video, you checked your Twitter to find you had a new dm that just so happened to be from Calvin. Though you were excited that he had even watched your video it never felt weird seeing as the two of you were just people and two people talking wasn’t weird. The two of you talked for quite a while about your video and he even asked about making a response to it which you gladly approved of tell him to give you his worst, to which you feel he did a good job of, considering his entire video was full of roasts and jokes.

“Well, I mean, I still feel the same really. He’s just a person,” you began, trying to find the best words to describe how you felt, “He dmed be a bit after my video was uploaded and after that we kinda just started talking.”

You smiled lightly feeling you had explained well, and read the chat as people said everything to, they “were jealous of you” to, they “wished Calvin would notice them a swell.”

You just shrugged and took a sip of your coffee, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand, “I mean I’d say we are friends now. Since then we’ve talked a bit so I’d like to think so even if he doesn’t feel the same.”

One comment stood out to you after this, it being must longer than the average one, “@skyfallffy178: What’s it like being friends with Leafy? Do you two flirt? Are you interested in him? Are you dating? Dude what if you guys were dating and we had no idea.”

You laughed aloud as you read, finding it hilarious that someone would even think this. Though the idea did appeal to you, you could tell that something such as a romantic relationship would be unlikely with Calvin.

“To the person saying Calvin and I could be dating, I’m going to shut that down right now. We aren’t and probably never will, but hey? He seems like a pretty cool dude and being just a friend is fine with me,” you chatted, looking from the chat to your camera, smiling widely.

Again the chat began to roar after hearing your response and you felt a bit bad that you couldn’t read every message, though you did pick out a few that caught your eye and read them aloud, trying your best to appeal to everyone watching.

“'Were you surprised by the sudden gain in subscribers?’,” you read off, having thought about this question for the last few days now, “I was surprised actually, yeah! I honestly didn’t expect any of this really. For those watching who don’t know, I’ve gained quite a few subs after Calvin did that response video, and I can’t say I’m mad about it. I love making videos for you guys and there being more doesn’t change anything. It just makes me more motivated to do videos everyday.”

You smiled cheerily into the camera, reading a few more messages

“'Would you date Calvin if he was into you?’" 

When reading this message you couldn’t help but have to stop for a few moments becoming stumped, having not thought of the possibility that he would ever be interested in you, “I don’t think that would ever happen, honestly. But I mean I guess if he asked I would say yes? I mean he’s kinda cute, and really nice. Honestly I probably would, he just seems so-”

You broke off and held your breathe, realizing the tangent you were going down and stopped instantly, registering what you had just done.

“I-I don’t know actually. Probably not. He probably wouldn’t ever like me anyways, so why think about that kind of thing? God you guys are asking some personal questions,” you stammered, feeling yourself becoming hot in embarrassment and anxiety.

You had fucked up and you knew you were going to pay for it. Not only had you been responding to questions about you and Calvin’s theoretical relationship but you answered them in such a way that people could take further than it needed to. Yes, you did like Calvin and if he ever did ask you out, you’d say yes, but no one, not even the internet, needed to know that.

The rest of the stream people in the chat kept bringing up what you had said about Clavin, and trying your best to avoid that topic from that point on, it was becoming hard to find questions about anything else, so you decided it was time to wrap things up and pray your friendship with the YouTube famous boy would last through the end of the night.

“Um hey guys, it’s getting kinda late and I know the stream has only been going on for about an hour but I really need to get some house cleaning done, and edit a video. I hope all you lovelies have a great day, and I really had a good time,” you spewed lying, through your teeth, feeling guilty you had to lie to your viewers in the first place, “Uh, bye!”

You quickly pressed ‘End Stream’ before leaning back in your computer chair and pressing your hands to your face in humiliation. How could you have been so dumb as you say those things about Calvin in a live stream. If anything the boy would probably be more inclined to stop talking to you over your stupidity rather than what you actually said.

Feeling all the stress getting to your head, you logged off of your computer and made your way to the bathroom, in your single bedroom apartment, and began to run the water in the tub, in desperate need for a well deserved bath.

Whilst soaking in bubbles, and lavender oil, thinking about what had happened on the stream today you soon calmed yourself down, chalking it all up to be an over exaggeration on your part. Calvin wasn’t going to know you said anything on the sort about him, and even if he did, he probably wouldn’t take it the way you thought he might. Though this thought didn’t completely settle your nerves, it did help.

Just as you were beginning to get out of the tub and dry off, you looked to the bathroom counter, were your phone sat, and watched as the screen lit up with a notification. Feeling it could wait, you made your way out of the bathroom and to your room, quickly throwing on a pair of pajamas and running a brush through your wash hair.

Once you finally had the chance to look at your phone, you almost regretted picking it up in the first place. On your screen read, “Direct Message from: @Leafyishere.”

You began to panic all over again and mentally punched yourself in the face, hating yourself for ever letting those damned words leave your mouth.

Wearily, you unlocked your phone, and clicked on the Twitter icon, fearing the worst. As you tapped on your phone screen you could feel your muscles tighten, and your stomach drop.

“Hey, [Y/N]. Do you have a minute?” read the message.

You thought about your response, trying to talk yourself into believing what he had to say had nothing to do with your stream, “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

“How was your stream earlier?”

You curled your toes in a panic but still kept calm, hoping it would blow over, but having a gut feeling, he was onto something, and he wasn’t going to drop it.

“It was fine. Nothing super interesting,” you answered blandly, desperately trying to lose his interest.

All you wanted in this moment was to go back to past you and smack her in the face, preventing the cause of all this stress from occurring.

“I got a few messages from some friends, saying you said some stuff about me. I was just wondering if you really said that shit.” Calvin asked, seeming to be calm, while you were having an all-out civil war in your head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, honestly. I said a lot of stuff during the stream, and I cant decide what you mean specifically,” you babbled knowing damn-well what he meant, though you’d never admit it.

After this message, Calvin took over two minutes to reply, and you had never felt like disappearing more in your life.

“Someone said you liked me. Is that true?”

Your worst fear came true, and you couldn’t help but vocally scream as you read, now knowing Calvin had heard what you said.

Almost shaking now, worried for the worst you began to type, “Um. No? I didn’t say that at all.”

“Oh. Uh, okay then. I was actually gonna see if when the next convention comes around, if both of us were going, if you’d wanna do something. Like dinner, or some coffee, but that’s cool.”

You blushed as you read, instantly sighing after once done, not realizing you had stopped breathing completely. Calvin wanted to have dinner with you?

“Wait, you’d like to have dinner sometime?” you typed out, desperate for conformation.

“I mean, yeah. You’re cute and funny, and I thought you kinda felt the same but if not that’s cool.”

Once you received this message you typed faster than you ever had before, not wanting Calvin to have the wrong idea for another second.

“No, no. I do feel the same. I just didn’t really think you’d me into me like that. haha.”

You felt like God himself had come down and given you a miracle. Not only did Calvin feel the same way as you, but he actually wanted to act on those feelings.

You couldn’t keep the intense grin off your face as you waited for a reply, holding in a squeal of excitement.

“I don’t know why you’d think that. I’m super into you honestly. How about next time we are both free and close, we meet up?”

You responded with a yes, smiling so wide, you felt your face might get stuck that way, not that you were complaining.

“Haha great,” Calvin typed back, quicker than expected, ‘I got a video to record so I’m gonna go but I can’t wait to see you. Bye [Y/N]“

You were read as a tomato reading Clavin’s message and couldn’t hold in your excitement, instantly texting a close friend, but keeping it inconspicuous, as not to start any drama or rumors.

Once done texting your friend, you laid on your bed, holding your phone to your chest, thanking old you for being so dumb as to share your feelings over a life stream. Though it may have caused you anxiety in the beginning everything was turning out to be okay, and way better than ever expected.

The Only Light I Ever Saw

Ok so a lot of people have been requesting for an angry Gilinsky that loses his temper and then feels bad afterwards, so here y’all go! Hope y’all like it! You can replace my name with your name if you want, but I wrote this with my name because I honestly just felt like it. Enjoy guys!

“Look, Jen, I’m sorry! What else do you want from me?!” Jack exclaims as Jenna rubs her temples with her fingertips. She doesn’t have time to deal with any bullshit and she is just so mad at Jack she could scream. Jack has been lying about where he’s been and Jenna had to find out from Mallory, Johnson’s girlfriend, that Jack has been cheating on her with Leigh, his ex-girlfriend. She didn’t believe it until a blocked number sent her a video that day of Jack and Leigh having sex—in Jack and Jenna’s house.

In their bed.

“I know I made a mistake but I wasn’t having an affair behind your back. It was one time and it was the one time I regret. Why can’t you understand that?”

“You cheated on me, Jack!” Jenna finally shouts. “You still slept with her! In our bed! You’re acting like it’s not a big deal and it is! You don’t even care!”

“Of course I care! I know it’s a big deal but I don’t know what else to tell you!”

“How about you tell me why! Tell me why you slept with her! Is it because I’m not good enough for you?”

“It’s not that!”

“Then what the hell did I do wrong?!”

“Can you ever get the fuck over yourself for more than five minutes?!” Jack doesn’t mean for those words to come out, but he’s officially in too deep and he can’t take it back. So he’s just waiting for Jenna to blow up and start screaming.

But he doesn’t get any of that. All he gets in silence.

Jenna is stunned by Jack’s words but lets her shock wear off in seconds and lets anger wash over her instead.

“I’m selfish?” she asks in a dangerously soft voice. “Excuse me? How the fuck am I selfish?” Jack rolls his eyes.

"All you care about is yourself!” he explains in a still loud voice. “You don’t care about me at all! You’ve changed so much and it’s like I don’t even know you anymore! These past two weeks have been the worst!” Jenna can feel her hands ball into small fists and begin to shake, but she doesn’t say a word. Jack takes it as his cue to keep going. “You have been so mean and bitchy and just horrible overall! I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I hate what you’ve become! I miss my old girlfriend!”

That last sentence is enough for Jenna to finally be pushed over the edge.

“I’M SELFISH?! I’M THE SELFISH ONE?! I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON?! I GAVE UP EVERYTHING TO BE WITH YOU! I GAVE UP MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY! I GAVE UP FUCKING MED SCHOOL FOR YOU! I GAVE IT ALL UP TO BE WITH YOU AND TO STAND BY YOUR SIDE LIKE A SUPPORTIVE FIANCÉE AND WHAT DO I GET?! I GET LIED TO, CHEATED ON, AND YELLED AT BY THE ONE PERSON I DID EVERYTHING TO MAKE HAPPY! I SAID YES TO YOUR FUCKING PROPOSAL! I AGREED TO BE YOURS FOREVER! YOU GAVE ME THIS RING TO TELL ME THAT YOU WANTED US TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER! CLEARLY THAT DOESN’T MEAN SHIT TO YOU ANYMORE! DOES IT?! SO CONGRATS JACK GILINSKY! YOU WIN THE WORST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD AWARD FOR BEING A HEARTLESS MANWHORE WHO CAN’T KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS FOR ONE PERSON AND WHO TREATS HIS OWN FIANCÉE LIKE FUCKING TRASH BECAUSE HE IS NOTHING BUT TRASH HIMSELF!”

A fist flies and collides, followed by a deafening silence.

Jenna’s breathing shallows as she begins to tremble all over. Jack’s fist stays in the wall, his whole body completely still from the shock. He can’t process what he just did. He can’t process what he just almost did. Jack stares at his possibly broken fist still stuck in the wall before looking at Jenna’s shaking figure. His whole demeanor instantly soften and he feels himself die a little inside. He slowly pulls his hand out of the wall and stares at the black and purple skin of his large fist. He can’t even feel it. His entire body has gone numb.

Jenna looks away from Jack’s hand and feels a tear slowly slide out of her eye. She senses Jack backing away from her and the wall and she opens her eyes again in time to see Jack swing the front door open and run out of the house as fast as he can. Jenna tries to run after him, but she is frozen in place. It takes her a few minutes to process what has just happened before her hand flies to her chest and she swears she can feel it slowly and painfully break. She falls to her knees and starts sobbing violently, unable to breathe or speak properly. She feels like she is suffocating from the inside out. She’s having an anxiety attack.

Now would be a good time for Jack to come hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay, even if it actually won’t be.

~+~+~+~

Jenna is asleep in bed when she hears the sound of a soft thud right outside her bedroom door later that night. She wakes up immediately and checks her phone. It’s 3:43 in the morning. She groans in a raspy voice about it being too fucking early for Bear, her and Jack’s two-year-old Malamute, to go outside to take a shit. He’s never up this early. She gets up and walks towards the door in only Jack’s sweatshirt—the one she always steals from his closet because it’s his favorite one on her—and opens the door slowly. She looks down, expecting the golden-eyed furball monster, but is surprised to see a body lying there in front of the door. She is about to run to go get her gun until her eyes adjust to the darkness and she sees what looks to be a white cast covering a broken right hand.

Jack.

Jenna’s heart sinks to her stomach at the sight of her fiancée lying in front of their bedroom door, shivering from the chilly November air of Omaha, Nebraska, since their heater is temporarily broken and needing to be fixed before the first snow comes.

He slept in front of the door? Why didn’t he just come into the room?

She doesn’t wake him up, though, considering she’s still furious with him from the fight just hours before. Instead, she steps over him, walks toward the closet of blankets down the hall, and picks the biggest and softest one. Then she goes into the spare bedroom and takes a pillow from there and walks back to Jack’s still sleeping figure. She places the blanket over his body and carefully lifts his head, placing the pillow under his head. Jack stirs a little but goes right back to sleep in a split second. Jenna simply stares at him, watches his chest slowly move up and down as he lies in the middle of the cold hallway on the hardwood floor. Her eyes drift from Jack to her ring—the ring he gave her seven months ago, promising her forever with him. It serves as a reminder that no matter what happens, he still is so in love with her that he would want to spend the rest of his life with her. She knows that everything Jack said earlier that night was bullshit. She knows him; she knows who he really is. Even though he cheated, she knows he still loves her or else he would’ve already left her. She knows that. She knows he would never lay a hand on her. He would have done it already if he really wanted to. He punched a wall instead of her. He could have hit her. There’s a lot that he could have done.

But he didn’t. Because he still loves her.

Jenna doesn’t even realize she’s crying until she hears Bear whine quietly by her side. He stares at her with worried eyes and she just wipes her tears away as she pets his head. She moves to the couch in the living room and lets the upper half of Bear’s fluffy body lie in her blanket-covered lap and she just scratches behind his ears and cries some more until he begs to go outside to make his early morning rounds and eat his bacon-flavored bone.

~+~+~+~

When Jack wakes up next, he wakes up to the faint sound of barking and laughing from outside. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and sits up with his good hand. He stares at the cast on his hand and the memories of the night before rush over his body. The guilt is sunk into his bones and he suddenly feels sick to his stomach. He lifts himself to his feet and almost runs for the bathroom until he spots a small, petite girl wearing his favorite sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants with a large blanket wrapped around her body. Jack’s whole body relaxes just at the sound of her all-too-familiar laugh echoing in his ears and seeping through his pores. He slowly walks towards the sliding glass doors leading outside to his and Jenna’s enormous, fenced backyard amongst their 700 acres of property and immediately feels the snowflakes fall on top of his head, creating a large contrast from his jet black hair. He looks around to see what Jenna is laughing at and immediately spots Bear rolling around in the snow, happy as a clam at the blanket of white covering the earth. He smiles a little at the goofy dog running around with so much energy, so much life. He is so glad he let Jenna pick the dog instead of him last year when they got the house and the land.

"It’s still funny to me as to how much he loves the snow,” Jenna’s soft voice suddenly says. Jack’s attention immediately goes to her. He realizes she is looking back at him with tired eyes and a sleepy smile. Clearly she has either been up too long or just now woke up.

“How long have you been awake?” he asks her. Jenna’s smile falters a little before turning back around.

“Not too long,” she replies. Jack walks up behind her until their bodies are almost touching. Jenna can feel Jack’s body radiating warmth amongst the cold. It’s a comfort to her. He always keeps her warm when it’s cold. She can also feel the tension from Jack’s stiff body and sighs. “You can touch me, you know?” Jack takes a breath and waits just another minute or two before wrapping his arms loosely around Jenna’s shoulders from behind. Jenna leans her body back against his and lets her hands rest on his strong arms. Jack sees something catch his eye from her left hand and notices it.

"You’re still wearing your ring,” he blurts. Jenna looks at the ring and smiles.

“I don’t plan on taking it off.”

“Not even after last night?” There’s a pause.

“No.” Jack is taken by surprise.

“Why not?” he asks. “I figured after last night, you wanted nothing to do with me. I thought you were going to leave me. I almost hurt you, Jen. I could have hit you instead of that wall. What if I did? What if I couldn’t have controlled myself at that moment? I don’t understand how you can even look at me or be around me.” Jack’s voice breaks with that last sentence, along with Jenna’s heart. Jenna turns her body around to face him. She has that look on her face that tells Jack that he is about to get a lecture.

“I love you, Jack,” she explains, “and I love you enough to put up with your loud singing in the shower at a way-too-early time in the morning and the fact that you spoil Bear rotten to the core with how many toys you have bought him and how much food you give him on a daily basis. I can handle your random ADHD moments and the laugh you get out of farting on me when you sit on me just to piss me off.” Jack laughs a little and Jenna laughs as well. When they are both quiet again, Jenna continues to speak. “I can live with your hot temper because I have one, too, and we are both very stubborn people. I can deal with a few holes in the wall. I can deal with all of that because those make you who you are and they are the reasons I am so in love with you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Jack, and I am not going to let you go that easily. Because when my world was dark, you were the only light I ever saw. And if I lose you—” She takes a shaky breath and leans her forehead against his chest. “If I lose you, then I will lose the very thing that saved me.

"I learned a long time ago that if you really love someone, you have to love them for everything that they are—the good, the bad, and the ugly. You have to embrace every part of that person and realize that it makes them everything that they are. I fell in love with a hot-tempered horndog that always has a bad habit of staring at my ass in public and giving me an aneurysm every time he is close to getting into a bar fight with a guy that he assumes is trying to take me home. And you know what?” Jack raises an eyebrow.

"What?” he asks. Jenna smiles and gently grabs his face as she kisses him sweetly, completely ignoring Jack’s horrific morning breath. At least it smells better than the dog’s everyday breath. When she pulls away, she says against his lips:

“I still want to marry you, regardless of all of your flaws. I love you, Jack Finnegan Gilinsky, and that will never change, no matter how many fights we have and no matter how bad those fights ever get. God brought you into my life for a reason, and I know for a damn fact that that reason is because you are the one I am meant to spend the rest of my life with.”

Jack stares into Jenna’s eyes for a moment before leaning in and kissing her back, this time with a little force. Jenna smiles into the kiss and wraps her arms around his neck. Jack lifts her up by her thighs and she wraps her legs around his torso. He holds her up with his good arm and lets his other arm hang around her waist. He pulls away, trying to regain his breath as he lets his forehead rest on hers.

“March cannot get here fast enough,” he sighs.

“Tell me about it,” Jenna agrees. “I’m so sick of planning. I just want it all to be done and over with.” Jack laughs. He knows how much Jenna has dreaded having to plan this wedding ever since the day she said yes to his proposal.

“I just can’t wait for you to be Mrs. Gilinsky.” Jenna giggles a little before pecking him on the lips and burying her cold face into his warm neck.

“Me neither, Mr. Gilinsky.”

“I love you so much, Jenna. And no matter what happens, please never forget that. Got it?” Jenna sighs happily.

“Got it.”

Emma can feel her breath coming out in sharp gasps and pants as she escapes to the bathroom. She needs a moment, just a moment to be away, to calm herself. 

It’s their first Christmas together and her parents have gone overboard. Emma knows why and she longs to be a part of it. She just can’t help but panic. What if she can’t give them the Christmas they’ve always dreamed of with their daughter? 

She only calms when she feels a pair of arms wrap around her and a familiar scent of apples and cinnamon surrounds her. Neither of them say a word for a moment. Regina simply holds her and lets her feel safe for a few minutes. 

“You’re not alone,” Regina promises her, “And all I need from you at Christmas is just for you to be here.” 

Emma smiles feeling those words wash over her with the same comfort of her baby blanket or her favourite leather jacket. She burrows back into Regina’s embrace knowing that no matter what may come this Christmas she already has the thing she’s been wishing for all these years. 

Love.